Jakarta Hash House Harriers
Scribe
Sheet Run 1732
Run
# 1732, by Supabrat & Magic Dragon from Ali baba
restaurant in Cibubur
It was one of those Tuesday mornings where you look inside your unwashed car and ask what the fuck happened in here last night??? The driver hasn't shown up yet because he did not get home until 5:00am, because he lives in West Tangerang, you got home pissed at 2:00 and forgot to give him money for an Ojek. The rain overnight had washed most of the mud off the car exterior, but the inside looks and smells like an orgiastic mudbath had happened in the back seat last night. As you gape with drooping jaws into the steaming mud pit that is the interior of your lovely mobil, your woozy brain begins to piece together the events of last night...
5:00 Off we go. The hares look scruffy and the area around the umbrella has an inch of mud. Stay or go, stay or go??? Go. Within 50 metres we are ankle deep in mud and plodding, Indian file, through the ooze. Five minutes into the sludge, Bolt-One-On (not on paper and for no particular reason other than mischief) calls out "On-On". Half the pack scrambles up the muddy bank to get to where he is, only to find themselves running across "On-In" painted on the path. Bolty had unwittingly led us onto the in trail. What a donkey. The trail eventually led us within jerking distance of whorehouse bridge before heading back to the birtruk.
6:30 After 30+ hashers had clomped in and
around the area of the umbrella for the past 30 minutes, there was now 2 inches
of mud instead of just one in the circle. One bunch of weenies who apparently
do not find any sensual pleasure in the feeling of mud squishing between their
toes attempted to avoid the mud by crowding onto an island of
"grass". But there was no avoiding the relentless mud. Nothing and
nobody was safe.
Before we could get to the run discussion,
Tom bin Jones was accused of sloppy record keeping for failing to notice the
return of three eminent hashers (me and two other blokes), as well as
continuing to refer to Alex as a visitor. Alex has been running for 5 years.
Holy Poop thought it was the second best run
of the year (laugh). He also reported that his sidekick, Bolty, had crapped six
times on the run. Resident legal-eagle Fanny contested this. "This is
impossible", he said, "as it is clear that Mr. Bolt-One-On is still
full of shit". The circle nodded and murmured agreement. Facts is
facts...... Vatican Rag berated Bolty
for his false on-on call....... Klark Khunt gave us his artistic impression of
the hares setting the run, Dragon staggering along with a fag in his mouth
while Supabrat did all the work.....Konkrete Kok complained that there was not
enough paper around for him to relay (maybe Bolty used it for wiping his
arse??) , but enjoyed the fact that he kept bumping into Pretty Boy....Cabin Boy
said that the rain and mud reminded him of New Orleans (!).....Witless Wanker
"I have absolutely nothing to say"......Pretty Boy "That sounds
like Tarzan when he's on paper. Absolutely nothing to say".....MGM said
the in and out trails were too close together (would not have been a problem if
not for Bolty).....Final Verdict of MGM : "Good run in an emergency".
And so on with the circle. Kontrite Kok said
his buccaneers were sore from listening to Bolty prattling in his earhole.
Bolty and company awarded several DD's for private meetings. Indeed, with the
amount of private conversations going on it was more like a ladies hash. Tarzan
on the ice for refusing to help a hasher in need. Tarzan ("me Government,
me no pay") gets to set runs in Bukit Sentul for free, while the rest of
of have to pay a skin tax of Rp500k.
Hanratty
had a complaint about MGM. MGM got pissed one night and lost his glasses, so
Hanratty loaned him a pair. THAT WAS FIVE FUCKING YEARS AGO, WHERE's MY FUCKING
GLASSES??
Three new members of the (not very) exclusive
fifthplusone club were welcomed by Komplete Kok. All three later approached
this scribe with amplops stuffed with cash, which I am allowed to keep as long
as I don't mention their names. What could they be afraid of? Surely there are
no pussies reading this? Listen up. If you are a pussy, and you are reading
this, then piss off and mind your own business. This is a men-only hash sheet
JHHH - a men-only run. Go and wash some dishes or feed the baby.
E-Man dobbed in KlarkKhunt for reckless
endangerment. With the typical attitude of "I am above the law because I
have CD plates" , he blazed up (or down) the hard (or soft) shoulder so
fast that E-man swore he was red-shifted. E-man was only able to catch the
number plate by using his special Doppler E-glasses. KlarkKhunt claimed
diplomatic immunity, naturally.
Co-Hare
Magic Dragon sang a song he wrote 25 years ago. Gory Gory alleluyiah, something
about being killed by a horny farmer, is the only song known to be longer than
Eskimo Nell. At least we were able to take an intermission in the middle of the
aria while we were entertained with the driving skills of Herpes. In his 120
BHP rear wheel drive stock Volvo, with Go-Blok-M as his co-driver, Herpes
showed us all how (not) to handle the muddy conditions much aforementioned.
Unable to get his crappy car along the muddy path, team Volvo had to drive
through the circle to rejoin the circuit of Cibubur Rally.
Next
Weeks Run: Konkrete Kok at Bukit Sentul. Go through the big arch and turn righ
at the second roundabout, approx 2 km after the arch.
E-man re-emerged from the dark side of the circle to bring
a little bit of good news for fat hashers. Apparently, while reading
"compost" magazine (a must read for e-farmers) he came across some
pictures oops no.. he found an article which claimed that the best way to lose
weight is to sit on ice for ten minutes. Angie and Hanratty immediately
volunteered their blubbery carcasses for the experiment and plonked their
wobbly arses down on the ice. Hanratty decided that it would be extra
beneficial if he were to remove his undies so as to get the full effect. After
ten minutes there was no visible difference in the two bleached whales and
cries of Charlatan! and Quack! were hurled at e-man. Undaunted, he defended
himself that the experiment needed to be done under laboratory conditions, and
that this pig-wallow of a circle could hardly be described as such. Next week
he will bring what he needs....Industrial scales, plastic sheet, baby oil,
rectal thermometer, abdominal flabometer, and plastic gloves. Sounds like fun.
Leagle
Opinion
Aunt Anguish is sakit this week (masuk anjing), so instead we will have the
legal opinion of none other than our corpulent court jester, Fanny.
Question
(from Magic Dragon) : "Is it ok to call someone a cunt in a court of law
?"
Answer "Yes it's okay to call someone a cunt in a court of law as long as
it's the truth".
New Members...Dirk Hos ( a Dark Horse), Bob
Harrie....Past members...Alex Nov & Garfield...Visitor.. Charles Lucey.
Total of 37 runners.
pboy
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