Disclaimer: All characters owned by Rumiko Takahashi,and used without permission. Please do not sue.
That was quick. On with the story then.
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Happosai slowly pulled open the lid of the box. Inside lay that which he had been saving for this day: the ring of wishes.
Once a century, the ring would grant the first wish made by everyone in the vicinity, and today was the 100th anniversary
of the last time it had been used. Now, the only trouble was, the records of it's last use were gone, so Happosai had no
idea just what "in the vicinity" meant...
"Ah, who cares! Ring, Activate! I wish for... my brand of Happosai Panties to become the most popular selling brand of
panties in Japan!"
And, so, it started...
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As young ladies all across Japan were suddenly struck with the urge to head to their local stores to pick up a pair of
"Happo Panty", which said shops had suddenly received large shipments of, elsewhere in the Nerima Ward, others were making
wishes of their own... with varying results.
Genma : Growf! (I wish I had something to eat!)
A large plate of bamboo shoots appeared next to him. Genma looked over, scratched his head, shruged, and tucked in.
Nabiki : Heh heh heh! Yet another brilliant scheme delivers paytime! I only wish Nerima had even more rich targets for scams
like Kuno-chan!
Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, King Fahd of Saudi Arabia and the Sultan of Brunei (pre loss in fortune) suddenly found themselves
rejuvenated and enrolled in Furinkan High School. Young again, RICH, and surrounded by cute anime type girls? Excellent!
(until they find out the major risks to personal health, heh...)
Ryoga : I wish I could somehow get my revenge on Ranma...
Ranma is having fun with his old pal, playing a form of Frisbee with Ukyo, but with an Okonomiyaki instead of a Frisbee. As
he is leaping for an Okonomiyaki in mid-air, Ryouga spots him and attacks! ... bouncing off Ranma's head and snatching the
food. "Boy it's nice to have food at the end of one of my journeys," Ryouga thought to himself while munching away.
RYOUGA! That was MY okonomiyaki! Put up your fists man!" "Ranchan, I can just make you another!" "No, Ukyo, you made it
specially for me, and that pig ate it! This is a man to man duel now!"
Okay, let's GO!" Ryouga charged forward, at the ready... but there was a tree in between him and Ranma, veering to the
side without slowing down...
And, as you all have probably guessed, blinked to find himself somewhere in Hawaii. "Grass skirts??? I got lost again?
Darnnn... those are some really short skirts there..." Ryouga noticed just before his nose flooded with blood, and he
passed out unconscious."
Ranma blinked to himself. "Did Ryoga just run out on our man to man fight?" "Looks like it, Ran-chan. And after jumping
on your head and stealing your food too. Jerk."
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Meanwhile, in the Nekohanten:
Cologne : I wish you Ranma would just give in and marry you, Shampoo!
Shampoo : I wish the same, Grandmother.
Mousse : I just wish for a small sign of affection from you, Shampoo!
Shampoo : Poor Mousse, you just don't get it do you? (pats him on the head)
And, in Ucchan's Okonomiyaki:
Ukyo : I wish Ranchan would realise that I'M the right girl for him... after all, I'm the cute fiancee, I can cook, I'm good
in a fight, and I don't beat him up all the time like Akane does.
Ranma: Er, Ukyo, I'm right here, you know. Remember, I followed you back to the restaurant so you can cook me some extra
deluxe super special Okonomiyaki's?
Ukyo : URK! I said that out loud? Sorry Ran-chan, I was just daydreaming, like I always do at this time of day.
Ranma : (to himself) Always? Every day, Ukyo gets this sad and thoughtful because of me? How come Akane just gets into
fights with me all the time? ... I wonder if Shampoo does the same? (aloud) Hey, Ukyo, will you follow me to the Nekohanten
for a sec?
Leading to the following conversation/
Ranma : So, Shampoo, erm... you don't think of marrying me as just a game or a contest, do you?
Everyone just looks at him in stunned silence. After a while, Shampoo raises her hand.
Shampoo : ... did it take you this long JUST TO REALISE THAT???
Ranma : err... ummm... hee hee...
Violence ensues, and we cut to:
The Tendo Dojo:
Akane : (clearing a pile of bricks!) Whew! That was a good work out! I feel stronger already! Boy, will Ranma be surprised
when he spars with me! ... I only wish he woulf fight me for real and not hold back! Doesn't he realise I'm a martial
artist too??? That baka!
Meanwhile, a small group of Ranma, Ukyo, the Amazons, and Nodoka are heading for the Dojo for a little meeting with Genma
and the Tendos, concerning some marraige arrangements. Upon stepping inside, Ranma is greeted by the sight of a positively
livid Akane, who has spotted both Ukyo and Shampoo hanging off Ranma's arms, and a guilty expression on his face. Actually,
the guilty expression was mainly over his not noticing how serious the whole multiple fiancee thing was getting, and his
hoping if he ignored it long enough it'd go away on it's own, but even the biggest Akane fan must agree that she jumps
to conclusions quickly... In this case, Akane was absolutely convinced that he had done something hentai to them both,
and they now had a solid claim to him! (not as solid as HER claim, of course, since it was a matter of family honor,
unlike those hussies, one who only had the family livelihood given as dowry, and the other who's silly reputation in
her village and ancient outdated customs required marraige!)
"DIE!" shouted Akane as she launched herself at Ranma. Pushing both his other fiancees to safety, Ranma tried putting
up his hands to ward off the worst of the blow, when he found that his arms weren't responding. Or rather, that they
weren't responding to HIS mental commands. Instead, his right hand caught the incoming right punch by the wrist, guided
it to the side, while his left arm swung up clockwise in an arcing knifehand chop... which impacted with Akane's now
outstretched arm at the elbow, dislocating it with a sickening crunch. Everyone just watched in a numb, paralyzed horror
as the scene seemed to play out in slow motion in their heads. Most horrified of all was not Akane, the victim (and it
was clear that she WAS the victim here), but Ranma himself, as his body seemed to be moving totally without his control.
As his right foot stepped behind Akane's and his right arm shifted grip to Akane's throat, Ranma was screaming inside at
himself to stop! Why was he doing this??? He wouldn't be so brutal even to Ryoga in a duel. Scratch that, he wouldn't go
all out like this even against Tarouin monster form, or Herb, or, or... anyone! As Akane smashed through the wooden floor
boards from Ranma's throw, he sought to stop himself, or at the very least, to hold back like he would while fighting any
other martial artist, but for the first time in his life other than against Saffron, Ranma was not holding back whatsoever,
attacking with no regard to keeping his opponent from permanent damage, or death. Akane couldn't have dodged even if she
had time, or if she wasn't stunned and in shock, as Ranma's right hand continued pinning her by the throat, while his left
fist descended in a blow that would smash Akane's skull, splattering her brains all over the floor.
Lucky for her, everyone else had been moving in to save her the minute they realised Ranma was out of control, and Cologne's
staff knocked him to the side, before a Spatula and Bonbori swung at him from either side. Ranma easily dodged the blows,
then cringed inwardly as he hoped that Cologne would stop him before he maimed Shampoo and Ukyo... and was both surprised
and relieved when he didn't so much as throw a punch at either of them, instead just standing there making warding gestures
with his hands out.
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After that incident, the whole engagement between Ranma and Akane was simply impossible to continue. Not only had Akane
developed a fear of Ranma, but Ranma himself couldn't bear to even be near to Akane without shuddering at what he had
done to her, and what he would have done. He would never trust himself near her again, and would have nightmares about
this day until he died. In fact, so would everyone else from the incident. They never did figure out what exactly caused
it, though a few attempts were made under the highest safety precautions. Even Cologne and Happosai were there to act at
a moment's notice. Under supervision, Ranma had been attacked by various people one at a time, and in groups, and his
reactions were noted. Only Akane seemed to trigger his "Insanity" attacks, which were stopped each time before he even
got a single blow in by Cologne and Happosai. Dr. Tofu was at a loss, as even hypnosis, Shiatsu, and Amazon techniques
wouldn't stop Ranma's violent reaction, and eventually hypothesised that Ranma's very soul and body had realized that
Akane was the only being in Nerima which did real damage to him on a regular basis, and had identified her as his worst
enemy. He then admitted that it was a pretty stupid theory, with plenty of flaws, but it was the best he could come up
with. In any case, it didn't matter, as everyone decided it would be best for Ranma to leave the area for good. He
eventually went to China to get his curse sorted out, with Ukyo tagging along, and of course the Amazons went home with
him. Needless to say, he was promptly ambushed by the entire Amazon tribe after curing himself, and winded up somehow
marrying Shampoo. Ukyo, crushed, was about to leave Joketsozoku Village, when Ranma stopped her.
"Ukyo..." he said, "I came to realise, a while ago, that you were truly the girl for me. I'm sorry things happened this
way. Would you... stay in the village a while?"
"... sure ... Ran.... chan."
Eventually, though, Cologne decided that the whole string of events from start to now with Ranma had been too complicated,
and decided told them that, according to Amazon law, since the ratio of men to women in ANY amazon set-up was usually
worse than 1:5, many woman often had shared one husband [note the difference in wording, it's NOT the same as one man
having many wives, or worse, cultures where one man OWNS many wives ;( ] Shampoo had just wanted this keepen secret
so she wouldn't have to share her Ai-ren. Besides, as Village Champion for her generation, she was entitled to have a
husband all to herself if she wanted to, it was her right! ... which she waived, to keep the peace, because it would make
Ranma happy, because Ukyo was actually pretty worthy as a rival, and because Ranma was exhausting her on her own. You can
read into either his "chaos follows in his wake" curse, or sweet lemony goodness for the last part, your preference...
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Author's Notes : Well, some literal Akane bashing here, and somewhere along the line, my fic turned from some lighthearted
spamfic into... well, I dunno what this is, actually, part darkfic? Happy ending though. It feels incomplete, I might
update this someday, if I feel like it. As for Ranma brutalizing Akane... look, Ranma ALWAYS holds back, even against
Tarou. In fact, all martial artists DO hold back, even in many life and death situations. Rarely do we resort to groin
blows, eye gouges, or maiming blows. Joint locks tend to stop at the submission stage, never carried to the breaking
point. As for you Akane lovers, I'lll admit that she NEVER deserved THAT to happen to her, it's just a wish that went
very, very wrong.
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