SCRIBE’S REPORT : STAR WARS COMES TO JH 3

Run 1675 Date 15th January 2001 Hares : Bolt1on, Tom Jones

Statistics: Members 28, New Members 4. Total 32. Site: Riverside Golf Course

The Run : The New Hope…..Obi One Ilham!

Let us assume, for just a minute, that our hares are the embodiment of good and evil, and that this run was the symbolic struggle between good and evil (or should that be between a hash shit and a jolly good run). On the one hand we have that embodiment of evil himself, that believer in the dark side, Herb Bolt1on Vader. This was the young man who lost his way on the rocky viagra road to success, and in a moment of weakness, was seduced by the Dark side of the Force and has never recovered. On the other hand, we have the “whiter than white” clean livin’ boy, that virile young Turk, Obi One Ilham who is the embodiment of all that is good and true, who has steadfastly ignored all temptation (both evil and otherwise), and has stuck steadfastly to the righteous path. So in this ultimate clash of good and evil who will win? Will Darth Bolty strike down his “whiter than white” fellow hare or just convert him to the pleasures of the little blue pill and the flesh thus relegating this run to a hash shit. Or will the Force be too strong in the wee man, so much so that he is able to strike back and lead the Darth One from the dark (blue) path (and all those scorned secretaries) to a new “diet”. Well who knows? …and anyway who really cares when there much more interesting and important things to talk about like whose bunker is Tommy really in and is there any truth in the Jakarta Post expose about Go Block M’s (alleged) philandering.

The Circle: The Empire Strikes Back …. but where was our intrepid leader, HM Herpes, in our hour of need?

Yet again the absent-minded HM Herpes forgot to take his rightful position behind the Hash horn (or what’s left of it), and so it was left to Magic Dragon to step forward (whilst Elephant Man was stepping back) to get the “road on the show”.

Well the omens were bad at least to begin with. There were a lot of evil thoughts and bad language (for a change) floating around. Obviously, Herb Vader was successfully exerting his evil force on the weak, forgetful and easily led minds of his fellow hashers but would he prevail or would his viagra-induced strength and stamina eventually fail him?

The first signs of trouble were when the normally reliable Magic Dragon started forgetting names … Tim Brave ….., Jungle…… Well he wasn’t going to make the same mistake with the New C---s ( Members) … he would make up new names for them. So the Aussie coppers/militia acquired the names of Johnny Cun- Lately, Huge C---- and Have You a C---.

The Run Discussion: The Return of (Tom Jones) the Jedi

Bring in the black and white guys, Bolt1On and Tom Jones, who were responsible for this emergency run. So the first blow for “good” was struck by Johnny Cum lately ..” good run up, good run down, in fact f-----g good all around”. Fanny for once was a bit lost for words having used them all up last week but he managed “good run”. It was not until Bloodnok and Angie appeared on the scene that things started to take an evil twist. There was apparently the small matter of desecration of the countryside involving a discarded aerosol can. It transpired that the evil Darth Boy had tried to tarnish this run by littering the countryside in an effort to get the hash shit. Well Bolty's feeble excuse for this heinous crime was that the can fell out of his nap sack without him seeing. That’s possible but how do you account for losing your (rather small) brain as well? Maybe that just fell out too? Elephant Man introduced the rather small grey object into the circle. If this really is Bolty’s brain then we can all breath easy. Previously he had had half a brain, which made him dangerous, but now having lost it all, he must just be stupid! By this stage things were unraveling fast but in which direction? Magic Dragon continued,”What did you think of the run Vibrator” addressing a bemused Fornicator … more senile dementia! Jerker was happy to call this a hash shit because Angie had run over a green and therefore this was likely to be the last ever run here. . but Angie pleaded "members privileges". So to rap up, Magic Dragon finished by saying that “in the name of the HM… whatever his name is…. that it was an excellent emergency run”. Tom, the returning Jedi, was victorious this time but the Darth One could find a (half) brain replacement in the meantime and become dangerous once again!

Announcements:

Talking of hash lovers (or should that be pot smokers) Tarzan speaking announced the Pan Indo 2001on 14^th /15^th September (so it hadn’t changed … that’s a huge relief).

Mudguard, in a somewhat serious mood, extolled the virtues and rules of Triathlon 2001which is in Bali on 4^th March 2001.

Bolty apparently was on TV on Saturday morning telling Gus Dur and the nation how to rejuvenate the economy by advertising in this years Hash magazine. Apparently Bolty has become quite close with Gus Dur’s daughter. This probably explains why the “commonly known” gentleman has been behaving a bit erratically lately … well wouldn’t you if your daughter might become another (scorned secretary) statistic?

There will also be the 30^th Anniversary Bash with runs and the Hash Sprash (this year the queen mum has a prior appointment with a broken leg) on 25^th March.

Finally before we all forget everything, the Hash Golf is on 11^th February at Halim and E Man needs you for a rugby team for the Highland Gathering.

The Phantom Menace

And so to The Phantom Menace. Please step forward Go Block M. The charges against you, as recorded in the Jakarta Post, are that you were caught soliciting young boys down block M. Bring in the lawyers. What is your clients defense Brave Heart,"it’s a fair cop your honour, he has no aleebee, society is to blame". Fanny for the prosecution…" well the defendant had motive and a weapons system (even he normally fires blanks)". How do you plead Go Block M? "Not guilty .. I’ve never had to pay for a small boy in my life … they’ll do anything for a bag of sweeties”.

Achievers Corner: a tankard from Princess Laya?

Step forward MudGuard for being a 350 run achiever. How about one of your dirty songs? Not tonight Ilham darlingk!

Then back to the Hares. So you’ll be singing us a song tonight Tom or telling us a joke off the top of your head without any typed notes? Ok, so you will read from typed notes but you’ll be quick won’t you? Shut your “cake hole” and let me finish! And so he did …eventually. The gist of his joke, for anyone who might be interested, was there are two kinds of people in this world, engineers and managers. Engineers apparently take all the blame whilst managers deserve it. Then a touching “Bye Bye Blackbird” duet with the Darth One followed which momentarily united the forces of good and evil (but just wait till Bolty gets his brain back!).

Any investment advice this week Bloodnok? Buy Cassa aircraft shares …whilst they are still rock bottom!

What’s the latest news about Tommy’s bunker? Well one of the exits was found in the middle of the hash circle. But nobody was interested in opening it, certainly not the police/military contingent, without first telling the Jakarta Post and everyone else first about their great discovery (so much for the element of surprise!).

Then to round things off, SheepsKin had us singing in the aisles with “She‘s no oil painting”... or something to that effect. Then it was pots on the bunker door and swing low and quietly, so as not to wake Tommy down below, before on-on to Akbar’s Palace to get merry on your own account.

(GG …no prizes for guessing what film I was watching last night!)

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