Jakarta Hash House Harriers
Scribe
Sheet Run 1678
HASHSHIT HOLDERS: Bolty,
Mudguard and Nick Leeson (run 1666)
SCRIBE’S REPORT: THE BELATED CHINK-ESE NEW YEAR RUN
Run 1678 Date 5th February 2001
Hares : Jungle Fucker, MGM, Pom Pom
Statistics: Members 34, New Members
5, Wisitors 1 Total 40.
Site: PRN Kemayoran
The Run: The Chink
Night
Despite the location and the poor directions,
a fare number of die-hards were assembled by 4.30, much to the amusement of the
locals. The start of the run, in a quaint affluent Chink suburb, gave no clue
to the filth and hazards that lay ahead. What a night for the three
unsuspecting newcomers who had come to enjoy the Javanese countryside. Being a
point to point, the usual suspects consulted the Falks to find the shortest
distance between two points having made a better than educated guess at the
likely venue for the circle. Together with the absence of the cooling amber
nectar, resulted in an early departure for this intrepid quartet. They did not
half confuse the late arriving HM who came upon them part way down Jl Industry
and promptly exited his vehicle to join them before realising that it was not
yet 5 o’clock!
Any way, the run immediately took all concerned into the depths of pollution and hazards in the way of the first of many crossings of the busiest streets in Jakarta. Check back after check back to slow down the racing snakes ( for this was a trail showing no mercy to those who depend on the sawah, paddies and narrow trails of the mountains to keep in touch with the front runners ). Finally after we reached the railway station, there was some respite from the crazy paving and hawkers stalls that had made up the first three-quarters of this 5000m Olympic event for athletes .
Having entered what was probably the secure bonded area of the port ( used as a public thoroughfare by the masses ) we actually found some vegetation in the way of a small veg plot reminiscent of those from back home . How they could feed the million people that live within a 1000m radius of this Garden of Eden is a miracle, but then what did they use to make the wine from?
A cunning check back over the ferry into houses along the embankment of the railway straight out of “Minder” and Arfur Daily. By this time the pack had had enough of the stench and all decided to try their luck with shortest way back. Over ( or under ) more railway lines and fluid rubbish dumps ( canals ), in between more stationary vehicles ( it could have been the knackers yard ) and finally we turned into the newly refurbished Dutch East Indies Co Warehouse and a lawn that would surpass Wimbledon. Front runners, early starters, shortcutters and all ( except the cars ) arrived back over a five-minute period that bridged the hour.
The Circle :
Improvisation
The first thing that greeted the finishers ( apart from a cooling shower and a
year of the snake, one size fits all Tee shirt ) was the lack of cars. There
were various reported sightings of them in the huge pile up that stretched from
Monas to Ancol ), and the rich and famous who give their drivers a mobile phone
reported their location from Bogor to Tangerang. HM finally gave up waiting and
tried to call the circle to form, only to be informed that he stood in a direct
line between three praying wenches and Mecca. After a debate as to whether
these were masseuses preparing their sheets for the next customers, it was decided
to wait another five minutes. No sooner had HM blown his horn again when the
“hup damm we got a convoy” started rolling in. this was to be the way of the
evening.
So the circle finally started with Rabeye, Koncrete Kock and the Harbour master, so guess who was appointed standin scribe for that useless Cloggy bag of guts that has written fewer sheets this year than most of you old cunts have had shags. ( The answer appears at the end of this magnificent piece of literary genius).
Unfortunately, tom Jones car was off looking for Tommy to show him how to launder a couple of million ( Rps ), so HM had to use his imagination to give the returners, visitors et al a free beer.
Those fortunate to receive an undeserved freebee were Bravefart, Jungle fucker and Leeky. Among the guys who missed out on their birthright, well who gives a fuck, tom Jones always gets it wrong anyway.
Genuine returners were Sore rail, Go Block M and Tow Rope.
Visitors/new members on in to Witch Wanker ( Bolt one on lookalike ) Intersexual, Brex ( pronounced like the company in the Gold scandal ) and Romli.
Stand-in scribe had finally borrowed Sukardy’s pen, old announcements and had his writing desk delivered complete with chair umbrella and piss holder. Not a minute too soon as the heavens opened up sending the faint hearted to shelter under the verandah. Were these really the same men who braved the elements two weeks ago? Once HM finally coaxed the wimps back out into the open, Tarzan mistook HM for a waiter earning himself a DD. That’s when we learned that Tarzan is now of course a HM of the fuck knows what its called hash on Alternate Fridays.
Jerker was appointed next weeks hare and we had the usual announcements ( reproduced elsewhere on this sheet ).
Tarzan mumbled some shit as usual but it had something to do about a hash on Pulau Bangka and the Pan Indo in September.
The Run
Discussion: Through the dregs
HM announced that this was a city run through the dregs of Jakarta ( original?)
as he instantly put the hares on ice. Koncrete Kock had to don a disguise to
give his run report ( or was it his breathing apparatus ?) He then announced
that he had been on paper all the way until the check around up an alleyway,
but since he was behind Rabeye, there was no way back as the latter’s broad
shoulders, tight bum and fat gut had blocked the trail every which way. Magic
dragon was delighted to announce that the front runners now know how he felt
every morning as they had inhaled the equivalent to six pack of kreteks.
Vatican rag decided that since he came home in 55 minutes with the FRB’s that
it was a fucking good run.
Superbrat missed the sawah and mountains but would sacrifice that for a good work out any day. Bloodknock was all excited for reasons yet to be disclosed for leaving elephant man behind on the ferry. Speaking of whom; what is to be done with the footless cunt ( or does he keep tripping on his trunk ) Tow rope, Bravefart and gay Gordon all classified this as a negatively good run whatever the fuck that is. A discussion then ensued about the gender of a lump of shit. The new bot, Witch Wanker thought it was a good run ( he better quit while he’s ahead ), Tom Jones had some comment about the price of flights to London since his driver was still not back with the cash and Fucking Desmond hot of the North Slope thought this was the cheapest green fees in town ( first grass he has seen for 6 months ) Sheep skin summed up the best thing about the run was that the railway crossings had kept WW away.
Run discussion was then rudely interrupted by a pyrotechnic display which was a wet fart compared the Bebe extravaganza’s which have haunted Jakarta and those still bearing the scars. Since no cunt had passed Vatican, he decided to apply his mental agility ( lets face it, there’s not chance of any other fucking agility ) on how many “bangs” were there. His fingers are not that fast so he counted 3 boxes of 5 by 5’s for a total of 75 only to be outsmarted by that master of Chinese superstition, Fucking Desmond, who knew there had to have been 88.
Gong ci fa chai ( that’s the phonetic spelling you smart bastards )
The RA, M of M,
achievers and On On On
Because of the posh digs, the hares presented
menus and took orders for dinner. It was pointed out that the Co Co hare,
PomPom was also head of the North Jakarta Triads and that all the makan was
being paid for by his ill gotten gains. He was grassed up by Vatican, who will
be found wearing a concrete over coat as apparently his ( soon to be divorced )
wife’s brother controls south Jakarta. The RA seemed to think the hares were a
break away chapter of the Falung Gong, but after they were joined by Koncrete
Kock they were renamed the “Fallen Dong”
The Welsh and Jocks were given their usual recognition for being thrashed at the rugby again. Since there were no French present, the next most corrupt individual in the absence of Tommy, Tom Jones had to stand in.
It was brought to the circle’s attention that Vlad Putin is continuing his reforms and had asked the hash to script some new lyrics for the Russian national anthem. Yuri ( the Belaruski ) and Clayton ( of cheap imitation Scotch fame ) were given the task and will sing three candidates next week for our selection.
Yuri had a complaint about the lack of beer given in down Downs, so was immediately given a full one. Lucky the big one was not on hand. Looks like he is shaping up to be known a s Urine.
A couple of good songs along the way from magic including an Oscar nomination for “you picked a fine time to loose me the trail”
The hares gave us “ I like the vino “ and Bravefart continued his campaign to be next RA with a series of jokes, the best one about a drunk Hearts supporter who kept leaving his wheelchair in the pub. Not to be outdone, HM told one about his countrymen’s house ( pigs and styes ) since they cannot eat beef anymore. Finally Jack Buchan ( to be named soon ) donated his skiddies for a urine, semen, blood, excrement sample.
On in sore rail for his 10 run shirt.
Greetings from Tartankilt who had taken his complaints to Baghdad, then hats of and pots on the floor.
31 on on on for superb makan and live Kareoke, then on on on on to Oscars.
Great night
Rabeye
Click below to go to :
