J akarta H ash H ouse H arriers

Scribe Sheet Run 1741

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Run # 1741 Hash or Re-Hash?? Short time on Monday night? Beans on toast at Para Para?

It's around this time of year that Hares start thinking about the elusive "Run of the year" award. Anyone who has ever been at a mismanagement meeting knows that such a room full of sozzled old farts could never manage to collectively remember anything that happened more than four weeks previous. And anything that may or may not have been decided at a previous "meeting" is lost to the ether. Gone forever. So to have any chance of getting your grubby mits on that much coveted award you have to first ensure that your run is somewhere between the middle of Feb to the middle of March. And we all know that these much sought-after dates are auctioned off by unscrupulous hare-raisers every year. Unlike Hash Cash who has ample opportunity to rake off profits every week, or Hash Flash who can be bribed to take your mug shot, or Hash trash who gets to be the best dressed hasher in town, the poor old hare-raiser has but one opportunity to get his hands on cash - those hugely valuable February and March runs.

 Now you would think that having spent a large portion of their retirement funds on securing two good run dates (they tried to get all four but could not afford the investment) that the hares in question would not only remember that they had done so, but that they would increase their chances of winning the award by actually trying to set a good run. It appears, however, that Bolty and Herpes are happy to take their chances based on the pure mathematics of having 50% of the "big four" runs. After finally remembering that the Feb 25 and March 11 runs were booked, they then set about squandering what little chance they had of winning the big prize by presenting the honourable Monday Hash with a complete re-hash of the last TGIF run.        
Needless to say the pack was not impressed....

 Witless Wanker : Good wine gets better with age, unlike these two wankers. Hash Shit!
MGM : Tarzan and Witless fucked it up
Col. B. : Excellent run, beautiful cuntryside. Shame about the graveyards. Hash Shit!
K.Kok :  Piss and moan. Not virginal, not different, not beautiful. A wank of a run. (murmers of approval from pack)
Tarzan : You paper in Kampung sometimes confuse and come to factory casava bad smell
P.Boy : The hares exceeded all expectations and should turn professional. JHHH should appoint them to set all future runs.
V. Rag : Excellent run, superb use of cuntryside. It should be mentioned that Vatican Rag sat on his swollen scrotum all night and did not in fact venture out on the run.
Corp. Punishment : Finally a JHHH run in less than one and a half hours.

 In his infinite (and mind boggling) wisdom, Hash Master summed all this up into "a good short time run". The hares were ecstatic, the pack simply stunned.

All 10 of Betwai HHH were brought in for a group photo (short ones in front. Ha ha.), before moving over to the car park and as usual, starting their own circle.

 This years Yirbuk will be released in two weeks or thereabouts. Col. Bludrot went around the circle soliciting contributions.           
Among the offers he received ..Semen stains from Angie, a big fart from Herpes, a full page ad from Vatican Rag, a business card from Jonesy, and a joke for the combined Betawi HHH.

 Herpes announced a Java Lava Society volcano climb (Gunung shut up you cunts Tampa Mas or something like that) in Sumedang on March 22 and 23. Contact Herpes if interested.

 Tom bin Jones announced that he had recently lost his Rolex Watch and would be happy to pay a substantial reward for it's safe return.

 Brunei HHH will have their 200th run on 18/19/20 June. Contact Kevin Anderson at kevina@brunet.bn "experience the elegant simplicity of classical hashing".

 MGM's planned trip to Medan is canceled as there are no flights available.

 Next Weeks run will be the usual spectatular Irish affair, comple with run of the year, Hot dogs and a drop of real whiskey.           
None of that Scottish crap. Take Sentul Selatan exit from Jagorawi Tol, turn left before the big arches, past the school, turn right at the T-Junction (1.2km), and up the hill toward the pine forest.

Before co-hare Bolty performed his co-hare song, he was seen taking voice lessons from Tom bin Jones. "It's not unusual", he said as he returned confidentally to the circle, song-book in hand. And indeed there was a huge improvement as Bolty's vocal chords struggled with the complex melody of "bye bye blackbird". Instead of the usual strangled croak there were definite melodic undertones. Congratulations to Tom bin Jones, well done.

 The official spokesperson for Harvest International informed us that you can't get AIDS by fucking someone in the arse. It is rumoured that in order to restore the pecking order in his house following his wifes recent promotion, Magic Dragon may well become the next president of South Africa. The incumbent Pres was particularly impressed by the Dragon's stance on arse fucking not causing AIDS.

 And then to the discussion of the ministerial futbol. Apparently the recent futbol match played between various ambassadors and various ministers devolved into a kicking match, culminating with the Referee (a Batavia Hasher, no less) being kicked squarely in the nuts by madam pres herself. Photographic evidence of the kick was produced and the ambassador-at-large to the JHHH (Tarzan) was asked to explain...."the story from the newspaper and these guys from Embassy of British. However and joinwith Megawato and British respect. Indonesia don't like Australia and I don't like you too. And America embargo. Mark and make kkn British. Down Down for ALL British!.  Well said Tarzan.

 And now for a short letter to Aunt Anguish, from a very anguished person. As usual, the names have been cleverly altered to protect the innocent.

 Dear Aunt Anguish,    
I recently picked up a whore in the Stanford Arms and brought her home to shag. Half way through the shag I noticed that my condom was gone. Apparently my pumping action had caused a vacuum to build up inside the girl and the condom was ripped clean off. My suspicions were confirmed by the presence of a loud "thwop" when I pulled out my sausage.  Now this was one of those extra durable washable condoms, so I was not happy to see it disappear, so in I went after it. To my surprise, in addition to my condom, I also retrieved dead gerbil, a 1995-96 Hash Yearbook and a Rolex Watch engraved with the initials T.B.J.

 My question is this - Should I give Tom Bin Jones back his Roolex, especially after he gave me those singing lessons?  Signed : anonymous hasher (identity known to editor).

 Finally, Congratulations again to the Republic upon achieving the gold medal once again in the international competition for the worlds most corrupt country. Despite some stiff competition from Botswana and Sudan, the Republik came out on top, with full marks from all judges. Except the French judge who said he was paid by the Russians to vote for Wales.

 8 Hashers turned up for the On On.   Meanwhile this scribe bumped into a clean shaven KBD skulking in a dark corner of Top Gun. Having screwed his way through Indonesia for so many years he is now a changed man. Not only does he teach skiing to learning-impaired children, he is also a volunteer firefighter in Alaska. Meanwhile BeeBee cuts grass in Perth,  Squatta runs a bank in Manila that has no customers and Bemo Bob produces wine in South Australya. Amazing what ex-hashers get up to.

 Piss off and Hats on the Floor!

 pboy

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