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From: hhu@spamthis.lava.net (Harold Uchibori)
Subject: [OW!?][NS] Oh! My Dionysus  Was: He's Back.
Date: 09 Jan 1999 00:00:00 GMT
Message-ID: 
References: 
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X-Trace: mochi.lava.net 915876284 7163 207.26.195.102 (9 Jan 1999 10:04:44 GMT)
NNTP-Posting-Date: 9 Jan 1999 10:04:44 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.fan.sailor-moon

Sorry everybody, but I felt that this had to be written.


Dion Toraville wrote...


> 
>        "Noooooooo.  I want to go home!"
> 
>        "Not possible.  You're still just a spirit, and all spirits belong
> here.  Not there."
> 
>        "Ahem.. what about Nyagachillidog?" TD spat. "He's been a spirit
> there forever!  Why isn't he here?!"
> 
>        "Because he didn't walk through the gates as eagerly as you did."
> 
> 
> 
>        "Doh!" >_<  "Ok, so what if I brought him here?"
> 
>        "Well, so long as I have someone to cook and clean around here
> I guess I'd let you stay on Otaku World..."
> 
>       "DONE!" TD shouted as he ripped off his apron. "I'll go get him!"
>      
>       TD grinned Nefariously then walked out the door.
> 
> 

     He ran out into the Garden of heaven and headed directly to the well
that was located down the walkway.  He outstreatched his arms to the side
and floated above the well.  Then he slowly started his decent   Music
started to play in the background.  He started to go five inches down.
Then a duck swooped down and tried to get a drink from the bucket that was
nearby

"Get away, I'm trying to look good here!"  TD furiously swung at the bird.
The duck pecked and flapped back at the weirdo that was preventing him
from getting a drink
  
"Shoo Shoo! It's hard to get moments like these!"  TD then reached for a wing.

"Gotcha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 
Tuxedo dionysus did grab the bird for a moment, however he did forget that
levetation requires extreme concentration.  Although this was heaven,
gravity did still exist.  

(SPLASH!)

"Arrrgh (GLUB GLUB)  I'm gonna! (Glub Glub)  Then I'll serve that duck to
(Glub glub glub) Then I'll roast him again for good measure! (Glub Glub
Glub)"  A large energy ball formed around TD. 

"I'll just go already, screw the dramatic scene!"  The ball extended outward.

     AW opened his eyes.  He sat up, shook his head and wondered out loud.

"What kind of ����� dream was that??"  He sat on the floor of his campagin
office. In front of him was a small table and a phone.  

"Tenchi and Harold should be manning the phones.  But then there was that
bet."  A picture of AW losing a many games of Tekken to Harold and Tenchi
flashed through his mind.

"And then they tell me"  

"Aw, Harold and I used Cheat codes,  But then you said you could beat anyone."

"But you, you cheated!"

"Hew AW, a bet's a bet."  AW sat on the floor and hung his head.

"If they are going to leave me here, they should leave me something to
eat."  AW picked up a bag of potato chips.  He looked in and found it
empty.

"Damn.  I guess I'll have to order out."  He picked up the phone and
dialed a number for a chinese resturaunt.

"I remember these guys, they have great food.

I wrote back in June 98 Re: [OW!R] Taking back from the Space Station

> J-me wrote...
> > Suddenly, a sword with a rose hilt struck the dinner table. and just as
> > suddenly disappeared.
> > 
> > TD looked in the direction the sword had arrived from.
> > 
> > "Stealing the minds and pure hearts from Bishoujo and Bishounen(sp?) NOs
> > is wrong." Standing in the doorway was Speedie with the sword in hand.
> > 
> > "Your Dinner Plans have just been cancelled," she finished.
> 
> 
> "Pardon me, lavendar clad one, could you pass the rice while you're
> standing there?"  Speedie had an incredulous look on her face.
> 
> "Pardon me?  I'm here to fight you!!"  She took out her sword and
> started to wave it around in an threatining manner.  AW grabbed the
> blade of the steel tipped rose and started to scoop chow mein onto his
> plate.
> 
> "Hey, TD where'd you order from? We gotta remember that place." said AW
> before he dove into his plate. Speedie turned around to face AW.
> 
> "Gimmie that back!!"  As she did this, Sailor Kydria grabbed Speedie's
> cape and wiped her face with it. 
> 
> "Orange napkins, nice touch TD." Speedie pulled her cape away from SK. 
> She then faced SU and Mamoru.
> 
> "Mamoru-sama, I have come to rescue you! Let us leave this place."  She
> grabed his wrist.  SU pointed her glaive at Speedie's throat.  Mamoru
> sighed and bowed his head.
> 
> "What have you done with Mamoru you, feind?"  Yelled Speedie. SU grined
> at the thought of inflicting some pain.  Everyone else covered
> themselves with plastic bags so that they would not be splattered with
> blood.

AW waited put his ear to the phone and got a strange answer.

"Hello, you have reached the Relief Dionysus office.."

"Sorry, wrong number."  AW promptly hung up.  He picked up a pamphlet for
the Convienently placed Chinese resturant.

"Riiiiiiiiiing......Riinnnnnnnnnnnnnnng. (CLICK)  Hello, you have reached
the Relief Dionysus Office....(CLICK)

"This guy is everywhere!"  AW then started a dialing spree.  Everytime
someone answered it was...

"Relief Dionysus office."

"ARGH!! Who is this guy?!?!" AW ran through the two pamhlets he had left. 
He picked the one on the left.

"Relief Dionysus office?  This guy is everywhere!"  He threw it down and
picked up the other pamphlet.

"Mama mako's?  Maybe they are in business."  He glanced at the menu again.

"I guess there is only one way to find out"  He dialed the number.  The
phone started to ring.  AW tapped the phone.  

(Click!)

"Hello Mama Mako's I'd like to or........"

"Hello, we are sorry to report Mama Mako's is closed due to our employees
leaving."

"Shucks"  Said AW.  

"However, we will now connect you to the Relief Dionysus office"

"What!?!?! Now wait a minute!!"

"Hello, you have reached the Relief Dionysus office.  Please wait for a
personal consultation."

"Hey wait!  hello?  Hello?"  A large portal opened behind the AW and a
figure popped out.

"Hello?"  AW looked up as he thought he heard a voice behind him.  he
turned around and saw someone before him

"Good afternoon."

"Yaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!" AW kicked the table over and ran to
the other side of the room.  TD floated out of the mirror and onto the
ground.

"Sorry for not introducing myself earlier.  My name is Tuxedo Dionysus." 
AW backed some more into the wall.  TD then floated right infront of AW
and sat down.

"My duty is to relive people in distress like yourself."  AW stammered for
a moment

"But I was only trying to order takeout!"

"Order takeout?  Is that what you desire?  Not only can I grant you that,
but I can grant you any wish you desire."  AW's face lit up.  He sat up
straight

"You mean I can get anything????"  Pictures of him surrounded by women,
cars, and money flashed through his mind.  He slumped over and pondered
for a moment

"This has got to be a trick" He thought to himeself.  There is no way he
can exist."

"that's right, Tenchi and Harold must be playing some kind of trick on
me"  AW narrowed his eys on TD.  Then TD leaned forward.

"Don't you have a faction leader?"  AW was taken aback by this question. 

"Let's stand up for a moment."  They both stood up.

"As you can see TD, I lack height and time.  Also i'm running an election
campaign."  TD smiled.

"That shouldn't be a big thing.  A lack of height and time shoud not
prevent you from having a leader of a great faction."  AW sat down. 

"Is this guy for real?  If so i'm glad"  AW got on one knee.

"I wish!!!"

"Have you decided?"

"I wish for a person like you to be our faction leader!!!!"  AW pointed at
TD.  TD sat there for awhile, expressionless.

"So that won't go eh?  Huh?  Yahhhhh!!!!!!!!"   AW backed away from TD,
who started to rise in the air.  A vortex formed around TD.  A column of
light appeared from his forehead and shot toward heaven.  The commotion
settled down, and TD then sat on the ground.

"Your wish has been approved."  

"WHAAAAATTTTT????????"   

"Yes, now the so called ultimate force is in effect.  That means..."

"We can't be seperated???  Does this mean that we....."  Blood trickled
from AW's nose 

(SLAP)  "No you pervert. It means that I cannot leave here.  If there is
any danger of me getting my butt kicked, you guys step in and save me.

"But butt kicking is forbidden in this campaign office"  Unknown to them,
Harold, Tenchi and others entered downstairs  

"Oh, will that be a problem?  But not even I can oppose the ultimate force."

AW grabbed TD by the shoulders.  The door slammed open.  Tenchi, Harold
and others stood at the enterance.

"Hey AW, have you've benn watching the phones, GYAH!!!"  Yelled Tenchi . 
Harold and the other workers stood in shock.  TD and AW looked back at
them.

"Well, Uhh.  I can explain this."  A stern expression came over Harold's face

"AW, rule 36 and 3/4ths  Anyone caught breaking these rules will be...." 
AW gulped and said.

"Anyone caught breaking these rules will be"  Harold shook with anger.

"Anyone caught breaking these rules will be THROWN OU...."

"Harold, there is nor rule against having a faction leader here!"  Harold
stopped in mid stride.

"Hey Tenchi, you're right.  Everyone back to work.  The crowd dispersed
and now Harold, Tenchi, AW , and TD were now in the room.  AW noticed
something out of the corner of his eye. 

"What's this?  Sexy Dynamite part 2.  What kind of title is that?"   TD
ran in front of AW.

"You  don't want to play that tape."  AW pushed TD out of the way.

"Oh come on.  You're old enough.  Besides, what could happen?"  As AW put
in the tape, TD pushed Harold and tenchi far away from the TV.

"What's going on?  He's gonna get to see some action!"  said Tenchi

"It's not the type you want to see."

"But" Said Harold.

"Trust me." said TD.  AW pressed play.  Saxaphone music started to play

"Ohhhhhh!!!!"   Yelled AW.  Two spotlights danced on the screen.  They
focused on a pair of red heels.  The camera panned up to her shins. A
female voice said.

"Plese, no."  In a sexy voice.  AW leaned grabbed a box of tissues.

"Okay, just a little" she said  She pulled up the hem of her dress an
inch.  The camera panned to a shot of the woman's legs.  AW put his nose
against the screen

"TD, what are you talking about?  Looks like AW is having a great time." 
Said Tenchi.  TD turned his back to AW and covered the eyes of Tenchi and
Harold.  AW started to drool a bit.  He then noticed something weird.  A
foot came out of the screen.  It carressed AW on the cheek.  Another foot
came out of the screen and caught AW's shirt.

"What the hell is this?"  Asked AW.  

"Here it comes" Said TD.  The television rumbled.

(BOOM!)  bothe legs shot out of the television and took AW with them.  TD
shoved Harold and Tenchi out of the way of the human missle.  AW finally
stopped when the legs imbeded themselves in the wall across the room.

"Hey, these are the legs from a manequin!"  Yelled AW.  He twisted left
and right in an attempt to release himself from the legs.  As this was
happening,  bright light came from the TV.  This time, two human legs with
a human attached came out of the television.

"Hi!"  said the man in his best Urd voice he could impersonate.  He
floated right up to AW's face.

"Who....who are you??" asked the AW.  The man looked into AW's eyes

"So, you're trying to put the moves on my little brother, huh?"

"I'm not your little brother El Pegaso!" Yelled TD.  Harold and Tenchi saw
what was happening and proceeded to the nearest trash can. 

"You guys are sick."  They said in unison as they puked.

"Oh come on!  I like Urd! humor me, please?"  AW shook his head vigorusly
in protest.  Tenchi and Harold made a slashing motion with their arms.

"Can I at least get to the part where I grab his hand and...."

"NO!!"  Everyone yelled  eP stood up.

"Fine......" He checked to see if no one was looking

"First you touch him like..."  He grabbed AW's hand and was about to do
the dirty deed when TD, Harold and Tenchi grabbed and wrestle eP away from
AW.

"I wasn't going to do it! Honest! Hey, that hurt!  hey, stop it I..OW!" 
AW dislodged the legs and headed for the bathroom.  TD, Harold, and Tenchi
proceeded to sit down and try to erase the horrendus image that was
running through their heads.  

     The door to the bathroom slammed shut.  The sound of a zipper
unzipping and a tickle into a toilet bowl could be heard.  

"TD, can it get worse?"  asked Tenchi

"Yeah, any more siblings you wanna mention?"  Asked Harold with a raised
fist.  TD waved his hands.

"It shouldn't get worse. Unless....."  TD looked up

"Where did AW go?" Harold pointed toward the sign.  On it was the
universial symbol for bathroom

"Oh no!"  Yelled TD.  Tenchi and Harold stood up.  eP walked calmly behind them.

"There is one more person that I should mention.  He travels by water."

"Water?  That shouldn't be a problem."  Said Harold

"Unless...." TD interupted.  A strangte sound came from the bathroom.  The
distinct sound of a stream going into water changed into the sound of a
stream bouncing off something.

"Wha??   AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   

"He uses the toilet!"  TD facefaulted and directed everyone to get out of
the way.

"What??? WHO????"  stammered AW behind the closed door.  Another voice
then said.

"BU RU TO SU BOOOOOOOOMMMBU!!!!!!!"  An explosion ripped the door off the
hinges.  AW tumbled out of the bathroom with swirls in his eyes.  The very
angry person who unfortunetly arrived by toilet got a really large
sledgehammer and aimed for AW's head.

"Wait a minute!  I couldn't stop! Really! (THWACK) ARGH!"  the annoyed
person went back into the bathroom to hose off.  After that , he took a
running start and AW and like polo player, he let AW have it.

"ARRRRGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!(THUD)"  AW was now imbedded into the wall right next
to where the false legs were. the person with the mallet then turned to
TD.

"Oni-sama!"

"I'm not your older brother!"

"Well, Skuld says that to Belldandy!"  

"I ain't Belldandy. Far from it!"  

"Who is our guest?"  asked Tenchi. The man then extended his hand

"Name's Brutus."

"Nice to meet you"  Harold said this and took his hand.  Brutus then
pulled Harold in and kneed him the gut.  Brutus then proceeded to lift
Harold up and applied a pile driver to him.

"Gads you are such a sucker!"  he said with a grin.  Harold layed on the ground.

"Somebody put me out of my misery."  pleaded Harold.

"I can fufil that wish."  Brutus raised his mallet.  TD grabbed it.

"Not here."

"Outside?" Asked Brutus.  TD furiously shook his head.

"You're no fun." muttered Brutus.  

"You guys are paying for damages."  Said Tenchi

"No way!  his fault for falling for it!"  said Brutus.  

"Hey, you break it you pay it!"  said Harold 
 
"Well from the looks of things, I didn't break anything." Brutus developed
a sly grin on his face.  Harold prayed for a miricle.  While this was
going on, eP walked over to AW, who was still imbedded in the wall.

"You're looking well." said eP

"Stop it"

"You look like a work of abstract art"

"I said stop it"

"Did anyone tell you you would fit in at the Gugenheim musem in New York City?

"Stop it or I break you into pieces."  eP shook his head.  he then waved
his hand and got AW out of the wall.

"Well, that's better"  Said AW.  eP then glanced around.

"First you touch him like..."

"eP is doing it again!!"  TD, Brutus, Tenchi, and Harold saw eP trying to
give AW lessons again.

"What?" asked eP.  He dropped the hand and stood up.  Brutus, Tenchi,and
Harold  walked toward eP

"C'mon, It's Urd's nature.  I'm only an Otaku.  No. No! Stop!!!( THUD,
SMACK) HELLLLLLLLLPPPPPP!!!!!!(CRACK,SMASH, BOOM)  TD and AW looked at
each other.  AW then went outside and sat on the stairs.  TD followed a
few moments later.

"May I join you?"  He asked AW.  AW nodded.  TD sat next to AW on the porch.

"Don't you even think of putting your hand on me AW."  

"Don't get close to me TD."  They both looked up and scooted to opposite
sides of the porch.

"Ewwwwwwwww" they shuddered in unison.

____________________________

END



ROOKS:  What kind of post was that?

Sailor Universe : Yeah, was Doggie-chan on something?

Yvette:  I am not watching Oh! My Goddess  If it inspires sick stuff like
this, I know it's trouble.

Korb:  What have I gotten myself into?  Guys, is he usually like this?

In unison : YES!

Korb : Now I'm scared.

ROOKS:  Don't worry, we'll keep him away from you.

Yvette : We usually let him go by himself

Sailor Universe: Either that or we try to kill him.  Oooh, blood n gory stuff.

ROOKS : I wanna kill him.

Korb : I WILL

Yvette: No I shall.

Sailor Universe : No, me! He gave me head.  A head of of a corpse!

Korb: No! I

Sailor universe :I

ROOKS : ME!

Yvette : No, ME!!!!!

(Various commotion until fade out)

The end.

__________________________________________

From your fellow comrades, Okaeri nasai,Mord-kun!! ^_^

___________________________________________


Harold Uchibori
hhu[at]lava[dot]net