From: "Darkness, Inc." 
Subject: [OW!S] Introduction to Pratical Psychology & Warfare 101
Date: 04 Mar 1999 00:00:00 GMT
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A spark...a light...a giant crack-a-ma-boom.  This chronicle is my own, a
legacy to our future torch-bearers.  And this begins my tale.

_____ _____ _____ _____ _____

A young teenager sat before the glare of a pulsing white screen.  His
already-pale skin took on an aura of intangibility.  Above everything, he
didn't seem to mind.

In fact, you could say he enjoyed it.

His slender ingers flew over the keyboard as he typed the message to send. 
It read, '...elling you, A51 is real.  Why else do they shoot people on
sight out there?'

'How d...now about the place?  Ever been there?'

'My info's unquestioned.  You shouldn't doubt it.'

Unfortunately, the deal was interrupted by the sudden shriek of a banshee. 
"Coby!  Mom wants you down, now!"

"Just a minute!"  As he was about to send the info, a red blinking light on
the monitor caught his attention.  "What the..."  Foolishly for him (but
not foolishly in a way, since he was very curious), he reached out for the
light.

Although he was a creature of legend, what he was about to see would shock
and amaze him.

_ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _

Being sucked through his computer monitor was not exactly Coby's idea of a
good time.  Still, traveling to a new land, meeting new people, and a
chance to make a name for himself was irrestible.  Besides, information was
his game; this opened a wealth of possibilities.

It was time to get to work.

No sooner had he started walking when another portal opened up.  Out came a
small flying creature.  in fact, one could say it looked foolishly like a
bat (foolishly, because it _was_ a bat).

"Hello, new arrival," the bat said.  "A pleasure to see more interest in
these proceedings."

"Do I know you?" Coby answered.

"It seems you will, in time.  You may call me Socrates."

"I'm Coby Matherson, the best little sluagh in...in...wherever I am."

Socrates the bat just flapped in front of him.  "Right now, you're on a
dimensional-inversion-stride map.  In layman's, a battlefield."

"Of what?"

"The Otaku Wars.  A battle to determine which Sailor Senshi is superior. 
Now pick a senshi, then go fight."

"What!?"

"You heard me," Socrates replied.  "You won't be respected unless you pick
a senshi."

"And what happens when I do?" Coby asked.

"Everyone who picked other senshis will try to maim you."

"Well...I'm not picking one."

"Ok, so let's go cause destruction the the name of...WHAT!?"

"You heard me," Coby said.  "I'll prefer to remain neutral...for now. 
There have to be people before who chose the middle path."

"Bas..rasfrattin...nogoodpry..." Socrates mumbled as they moved off
together.

_ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _

As they walked or flapped, they came upon a most intriguing sight.  A truck
had crashed along the side of the road.  Over the ground, a fine white
powder could be seen.

Strangest of all was the driver, who was removing a bumper sticker that
read, 'How's My Driving?'  Not only that, the driver looked suspiciously
like an OSDF Old Guard member, which was strange, since Coby did not know
what that was.

Staring, Coby remarked, "Soc, this could be my chance to earn respect and
power!"  Walking over to the driver, Coby gave her a quarter, saying,
"Here's a quarter.  Go call for help."

The driver replied, "If only the sugar were as sweet as you."

Standing in the sugar pile, Socrates said, "Coby, that was downright decent
of you."

"This is my ticket on gaining power!  Think!  Sweet snow!  White gold! 
Texas tea...sweetener!  Now grab as much as you can!"

"Isn't this considered stealing?"

"Read your OtakuWorld Charter, Soc, if it exists" Coby said.  "'If
foodstuffs shall happen to fall on ground, it shall become the property of
thy Resident Newbie®.'  Since I don't see him around, start carrying!"

_ _ _ _ _
Later that day...

"Eat up, Soc," Cob said, handing Socrates a bowl of food.

After a bit of a taste, Socrates pikued.  And pikued.  And pikued.  "Whis
is this stuff?"

"I loaded it with sugar!"  He held up a bag, labeled, 'Farmer Coby's Pure,
Fresh, Home-Grown Sugar.'  In fine print, it read, 'Not liable for any
injury or accidental death.'  "And I'm selling it for the low, low price of
$1.00 a pound!"

"But the Wal-Mart across the street gives it away for free.  And it doesn't
come with bits of broken glass and metal."

"Relax.  Consider them prizes," Coby said, biting into his own food. 
"Oooh, a blasting cap."

_ _ _ _ _
Early next morning...

Coby was laying outside, the Staff of Silliness cradeled in his arms as he
fought to remain awake guarding his sugar pile.  "Must remain awake...guard
sugar..."

Socrates happened to fly by at that moment.  "Coby, wake up."

Dazed, he said, dreamily, "In OtakuWorld, first you get the sugar, then you
get the power, then you get the SoulMate!"

"Wake up!  This paranoid madness has to end!"

"Really?  What do you think this is?"  Coby reached in and pulled an
Englishman out of his pile of sugar.  "Spill it: where'd you get the sugar
for your tea?"

"I confess," he replied.  "I waited for you to lower you guard for a split
second so I could move for the sugar."

"Coby, I thought you wanted information about the Otaku Wars.  You're not
getting it if you sit on your butt all day."

"Hey!  I can do what I want!  Besides, this isn't the Spanish Inquisition!"

From out of nowhere, three men in red suits came up to Coby.  Before
running away, they shouted, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

He turned to look at Socrates as the men ran off.  "That's it.  This sugar
pile is getting too weird.  Let's go find some allies.  As long as they
aren't too Banal."

As they walked farther Socrates said, "Coby, I think this is the beginning
of a beautiful friendship."

As he turned to look at the bat, Coby replied, "Stuff it, Soc."

And the journey continued...

_____ _____ _____ _____ _____
Woo-hoo!  ~_~;;

_ _ _ _ _
-- 
+-+-+-+-+-+-+
Coby (who thinks sugar is the way Bob Dole got rich for the campaign)  :)

The following was paid for by the Commission
to Scare Your Pants Off
Text file Source (historic): geocities.com/tokyo/ginza/2777/march01-07

geocities.com/tokyo/ginza/2777
geocities.com/tokyo/ginza
geocities.com/tokyo

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