Interviewing Hiei and Kurama (sort of...)
by Rose Thorne / Ibara Bara and Thayet D'Ragon
Yuu Yuu Hakusho, Fushigi Yuugi, Ronin Warriors
Interviews
Part 1: Interviewing Hiei and Kurama
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[We see a large void of swirling colors. On some sort of invisible floor, there are two recliners, one blue, one purple. Lounging in these comfortable-looking chairs are two girls. One is tall with short dark-auburn hair, dressed in skin-tight Daisy-Dukes and a skin tight "I love Chichiri-sama" tank top. The other is shorter with long golden-brown hair, dressed in wide-legged jeans and a skin-tight "I love Tasuki-sama" tank top. Both have slightly crazed looks on their faces.]
Brunette: Hello, I'm Bara Ibara...
Redhead: ...And I'm Thayet D’Ragon...
Both: [in unison] ...And we’ll be your guides through this interview!!!
Bara: [mutters] Kuso!! I never thought that I'd say something so corny!
Thayet: [hits Bara on back of head and whispers] Chill!! Y'know, people are reading everything you're saying.
Bara: [gives totally clueless Barbie(tm) look] Oh, yeah. [the Barbie(tm) Song by Aqua starts playing in the background]
Thayet: [mutters] Ningen no baka!! [speaks normally] Y'know, you just violated about a dozen copyrights with that look.
Bara: [looks confused] O~kay...Whatever. [music stops as she turns away from Thayet and totally ignores her, talking to the imaginary audience] Hi! We're going to be interviewing some of the YuYu Hakusho characters, so that everyone here can feel just a little bit closer to our stars.
Thayet: [brightens] Say, can we bring in Youko Kurama first?
Bara: [gives her a strange look] Why?
Thayet: [grins] 'Cause I wanna get a lot...er...a little bit closer to him. Can we say 'beefcake'?! He is soooo hot!! [fakes a swoon, then sits up straight] I've always wondered if Youko Kurama is as good as his reputation...^_~
Bara: [snorts in amusement] Why don't you ask Hiei? You've read all the yaoi fics. In fact, you're writing one yourself. They're probably true.
Thayet: [shrieks hysterically] NO!! Those are just stories!! [shudders violently for a moment, then is still] Besides, aren't most youko bi, since most of 'em don't have a clearly defined sex? Or tri or whatever? The last youko I met was... [trails off, evidently noticing that she's not alone, and looks at Bara and 'audience'] I mean...um... [grins sheepishly]
Bara: [sweatdrops, then turns away from the momentarily silent and totally insane Thayet] O~kay...Anyway, for safety reasons, we've decided to interview our stars in pairs. First up, we have Hiei the fire demon, and Youko Kurama!
Thayet: [claps her hands] YAY!!!
[Hiei and Kurama appear in a flash of light, Kurama looking confused, Hiei looking extremely pissed off]
Hiei: [unsheaths his katana] Ittai koko wa doko nan da?
Kurama: [glances around at his strange surroundings] Surimasen, Hiei. [spots Bara and Thayet] Hajimemashite, minna.
Thayet: [cheerily] Irrashaimase, Kurama and Hiei!
Bara: [glances among the three, then whips out her trusty Japanese-to-English dictionary] What the hell are you guys saying?! Speak English, dammit!!
Thayet: Ooooh!! He looks even better in person...I mean youko. [grins evily and licks lips]
Kurama: [backs away from the wildly grinning female] Um...are you okay?
Thayet: [lunges] I will be.
Kurama: [barely manages to dodge Thayet] Eeep!! [changes into a nine-tailed silver-furred kitsune and hides behind Hiei, whimpering]
Thayet: [moves toward Hiei, intent on getting Kurama] You're mine!!
Hiei: [gets an extremely dangerous look in his eyes; black flames shoot up around his right arm and down the katana] Hmph. You wish.
Bara: [jumps from her seat and backs away from the three] Um...Thayet-chan...I don't think that's such a good idea...
Thayet: [evidently regains some of her common (or uncommon, as the case may be) sense and backs up, eyes wide] No...that's all right, Hiei-san. I really don't need to be personally introduced to the Kokuryhurra...
Hiei: [doesn't look convinced; the bandages around his arm are burned away and a black dragon tatoo entwined around his arm prepares to strike] Hn.
Kurama: [changes into Minamino Shuuichi and places a restraining hand on Hiei's shoulder, shaking his head]
Hiei: [glances at Kurama and reluctantly stiffles the flames and settles the dragon, even though it's obvious that he'd rather toast Thayet]
Bara: [warily resumes her position in the recliner, carefully watching the other three for any signs of further mayhem] O~kay, now that that's been settled...hopefully...we can get back to the show.
Kurama: [sighs with relief, from where he is rebandaging Hiei's arm] Thank Inari-sama.
Thayet: [takes her place in the blue recliner, beside Bara's purple one] Go ahead, guys. Have a seat.
[A black, leather-covered love-seat appears before Hiei and Kurama]
Hiei: [suspiciously] Hn.
Thayet: [grins] I just love hammerspace! It's so...useful.
Hiei: [reluctantly sits down on extremely comfortable-looking loveseat]
Kurama: [changes back into his kitsune form and curls up in Hiei's lap]
Hiei: [begins to pet Kurama]
Kurama: Purrrrrr...
[Bara and Thayet look at each other, sweatdrop, and begin to laugh; they somehow manage to stiffle it quickly]
Hiei: [narrows his eyes] What are you laughing at?!
[Bara and Thayet are immediately overcome by a fit of giggles; they fall out of their recliners and roll on the invisible floor]
Hiei: [stands up, causing Kurama to fall to the floor; fire flares up around him]
[Bara and Thayet stop laughing immediately, wiping tears of mirth from their eyes and looking thoroughly chastened]
Bara: [stands up and backs away slowly] Sorry...
Thayet: [decides to mess with the already-angry fire demon] You looked so gay!! [collapses helplessly in a fit of giggles]
Hiei: [snarls and draws his katana, swinging it at Thayet] Shut up, bitch!!
Thayet: [pulls out her no dati and blocks the blow, moving as fast as Hiei] No.
Hiei: [swings again] Die, ningen!!
Thayet: [smiles as she easily blocks his blows] Who said I was human? You're going to have to do better than that!!
[Thayet and Hiei begin fighting at high speed, blurring around each other]
Kurama: [now in his youko form, looks at Bara] You aren't human?
Bara: [snorts] I'm human; an accident of birth, I assure you. But Thayet-chan...I never was sure about her. [gestures toward the high-speed fight] Now...I guess it's safe to assume that she's not.
Kurama: [nods, watching the fight] This looks like it's going to take a while. [he sits on the loveseat] So...I know Thayet-san likes me...what about you?
Bara: [grins ruthlessly] You're cute, but, personally, I prefer Hiei-san. I like short guys...not to mention those kawaii fangs!!
Kurama: [grins despite himself] Don't let him hear you say that...
Bara: [snorts] I'm not as stupid as some ningens. He'd end up killing me!! [laughs] Oh...It's a good thing Shakira-chan's not here. She'd -
[A femanine voice interrupts]
Unidentified Female: Hey...Bara-chan...Thayet-chan...you guys can't hide from me!! I found you!!
Bara: [pales] Uh-oh! It's Shakira-chan!
[A tall, brown-haired girl appears in a flash of light]
Shakira: [waves] Hi Bara-chan! [notices Kurama] How the hell did he get here?!
Bara: [sheepishly] Um...we're...I mean...I'm interviewing Kurama-san. [grins with evil intent and points to the two fighting, unidentifiable figures] Thayet-chan's interviewing Hiei-san...sort of...
Shakira: [stares at her for a moment, uncomprehendingly] Hiei-san's here?! [she runs to the two fighters, pounces on the one in black (Hiei, of course) and smothers him with kisses]
Bara: [sweatdrop] I didn't think she'd go that far...
Thayet: [outraged] She just GLOMPED my opponent!!
Kurama: [super-huge sweatdrop] Oh, k'so. We're going to have a mess on our hands...
Hiei: Get off me, dammit!! [realizes that she's not going to listen and burns her to a charred cinder]
Bara: [turns to a shocked-looking Kurama] I told you so!!
Hiei: [stands up, face purple with a combination of rage and lipstick; he futily tries to wipe the purple smears from his face and succeeds only in smearing it more] DAMN NINGENS!!!
Bara: [observantly] I think he's pissed.
Hiei: [sarcastically] What was your FIRST clue?!
Thayet: [stands there looking at the cinder that used to be Shakira] My sister... [she blinks, then looks up with a cheery, sort-of-insane expression on her face] Oh well.
[There is a flash of light and a series of pops, and a troupe of Nyan Nyans appears.]
Bara: [nonchalantly] Oh, goody. The Nyan Nyans are here to fix Shakira-chan...
Hiei: [screams at her] WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'FIX'?! I KILLED HER!!!!!
Bara: [evil grin] Not for long...
Thayet: [turns to Bara angrily] Hey!! I thought this was only going to be Yu Yu Hakusho!!
Bara: [grins sheepishly] I never agreed to that!!
Thayet: [infuriated] FINE!! [Sage of the Ronin Warriors appears, looking confused] I'm bringing Sage into this too!!
Bara: [shrugs] Like I care?
Sage: [glances around] O~kay...where the hell am I?!
Thayet: [walks over to him] We don't really know. Weird, isn't it?
Sage: [continues to look at his strange surroundings] Yeah...I guess... [looks at her and immediately starts flirting] Who're you, beautiful?
Thayet: [seductively] I'm Thayet...Thayet D'Ragon. Hello, Sage of Halo.
Sage: [jumps back a few feet, crouching in a defensive position] How...how did you know that?!
Thayet: [shrugs] It doesn't matter... [walks towards him] I've admired you for a long time... [kissed him long and passionately, using a lot of tongue]
Sage: [fights her iron grip...] Mmmph!! [...for a few seconds, then surrenders to the delicious sensation, beginning to kiss her back]
[A couch appears behind them and they lay down on it, still kissing]
Bara: [looks at her watch, tapping her foot impatiently] O~kay...I guess Thayet-chan doesn't want to interview Hiei-san and Kurama-san... [she shrugs and grins] Goody!! That means I get to!!
[Just then, Shakira sits up, totally healed by the Nyan Nyans, and also totally naked. Kurama and Hiei both sweatdrop and hastily avert their eyes, Hiei looking extremely horrified by her recovery; Thayet and Sage are too busy with their extremely-physical exploration of each other to notice or care (not that they would anyway); Bara justs snorts with amusement, pulls some clothes out of thin air, and tosses them to the formerly-dead girl, who makes a face at the style]
Nyan Nyans: [jump up and down] We fixed...fixed fixed good!!! [they see the bandages on Hiei's arm and start bouncing toward him] We fix your arm!! Make it good as new!!
Hiei: [snarls and (once again) burns through his bandages] ENSATSU KOKURYHURRA!!! [dragon rips itself from his arm and roars toward the small, annoying creatures] Like hell!!
Nyan Nyans: Eeeeeepppp!! [one-by-one the squeaky little voices are snuffed out, and a soft rain of ashes floats to the floor as the dragon dissapates]
Hiei: [gets a smug, satisfied look on his face] Hn.
Bara: [grins] Cool!!
Kurama: [moves to Hiei and rebandages his arm, then frowns at Bara] Don't encourage him...
Shakira: [gets up, now fully clothed]
Hiei: [watches Shakira-chan warily]
Shakira: [ignores Hiei and sees the half-dressed couple on the couch] Hey!! No fair!! [starts to whine] She gets to have Sage-san here!! I want Rowen-san!!
Bara: [shrugs] O~kay...fine... [waves her arm; there is a flash of light and a pop and the confused-looking blue-haired boy suddenly appears in the room] All yours. [puts her hands on her hips] Now leave me alone so I can do the 'phrackin' interview!!
Rowen: [looks around and spots Sage on the couch, not noticing what the blonde is doing] Sage-kun!! Where are w - uh... [he stutters as he sees the blonde's preoccupation, his face turning a brilliant shade of red that clashes horribly with his blue hair]
Sage: [looks up from where he'd been buried in Thayet's chest and grins] Oh...Hi Ro!!
Thayet: [cheerily] Hi Rowen!! [Pulls Sage's face to her mouth for a long, sweet kiss]
Shakira: [smiles cunningly] Hello, Rowen-san of the Strata.
Rowen: [has much the same reaction as Sage did when Thayet identified him by his armor] Who are you?!
Shakira: [sashays over to him] You don't know me...yet... [lunges]
Rowen: [yelps and hides behind Bara]
Shakira: [lunges again, intending to go through Bara to get to Rowen. A brick wall appears in front of her and she runs into it, cracking her head. She falls unconscious to the floor. The brick wall disappears]
Bara: [laughs, dusting off her hands] It seem that Shakira-chan isn't having much luck with guys today.
Rowen: [falls to his knees before her] Thank you for saving me!! [kisses her feet]
Bara: [jumps away from him, growling] That's it!! This is getting out of hand!! Not that I mind cute guys worshipping me, but still...
[She waves her arm in an almost dismissive fashion. Rowen, Sage, and Thayet's couch disappear]
Thayet: [falls unelegantly to the floor, shirtless] Ooof!! [sits up rubbing back] Hey!! That hurt!!
Kurama: [sweatdrop]
Hiei: [sweatdrop]
Bara: [calmly crosses arms] Aren't you missing something?
Thayet: [looks down] Yeah. My shirt...So?
Kurama: [sweatdrop gets bigger]
Hiei: [sweatdrop gets bigger]
Bara: [sighs in disgust and gives Thayet a Look]
Thayet: [sighs; a very skimpy bikini top appears on her, barely managing to conceal her cleavage]
Kurama: [sweatdrop gets even bigger]
Hiei: [sweatdrop grows so large that it practically obscurs his small body]
Thayet: [grins at their reaction] Tee hee...
Bara: [loses temper] Dammit, Thayet!! Stop screwing around!! [gestures toward Hiei and Kurama] You're scaring our guests!!
Hiei: [growls angrily, baring his teeth at Bara, but says and does nothing]
Thayet: [sighs defeatedly (or so it seems); a skin-tight Hiei-style black muscle shirt appears in place of the bikini top. Thayet gets a frighteningly insane look in her eyes] There!! Happy?!
Hiei: [looks down at what he's wearing, shoots Thayet the Look of Death, and pull out his katana, ready and perfectly willing to strike] Grrr...
Kurama: [sweatdrop continues to grow at an alarming rate]
Bara: [threateningly] Thayet-chan...
Thayet: [groans] Oh, fine... [the muscle shirt is replaced by her skin-tight "I love Chichiri-sama" tank top. She purses her lips in a pout] You never let me have any fun!!
Hiei: [resheaths his katana] Kisama!!
Thayet: [directs her slightly-insane, evil grin at the small fire demon] Do you really want me to go into that?
Hiei: [gets her hidden meaning, snarls, and throws a fireball at her] DIE, NINGEN!!!
Thayet: [easily dodges] How many times do I have to tell you; I'm NOT human!! Are you slow or something?
Hiei: [totally loses it; lets out a scream of rage and lunges, katana out] FUCK YOU!!!!
Thayet: [pulls out her trusty no dati and easily blocks the blow] Sorry to disappoint you, but that job's saved for someone else. Vertically challenged guys just don't turn me on.
Kurama: [sweatdrop envelopes entire body]
Hiei: [snarls and really goes at her]
Bara: [sighs] This interview is going to take forever!! [she sits in her recliner] She always does this!!
Kurama: [sweatdrop disappears; he changes into a silver-furred, nine-tailed kitsune, jumps into Bara's lap and curls up]
Bara: [looks surprised for a minute, gets over it, and starts to scratch the fox-thief's belly] O~kay...
Kurama: [stretches and falls asleep] Zzzzz...
[There is another flash of light, followed by a pop, and suddenly Chichiri of the Suzaku Seven from Fushigi Yugi is standing in the middle of the 'room']
Bara: [sits up straight, waking Kurama, who jumps off and changes into his youko form] How'd Chichiri-san get here?! [pauses and turns to the probable culprit] THAYET-CHAN!!!!
Thayet: [stops moving, holding Hiei in a headlock] Nani?!
Hiei: [muffled curses]
Kurama: [sweatdrop]
Bara: [angrily] You brought Chichiri-san here, didn't you?!
Thayet: [looks confused] No...
Bara: [looks startled] Then how did he...
Chichiri: [interrupts] I'll answer that no da. Taiits-kun sent me to find her Nyan Nyans no da.
Bara: [grins] Well, you found them.
Chichiri: [looks confused] Doko no da?
Bara: [grin widens as she points to the ashes scattered on the floor] There.
Chichiri: [pales] But...how did you...[he trails off as he catches sight of the fuming Hiei in Thayet's headlock and puts a hand to his forehead] ...Oro no da.
Kurama: Hello, Chichiri-kun.
(Read The Fox and the Pheonix by Amparo. If you can find & like the supplemental parts by Jennifer Jones, good for you! Here's a hint... )
Chichiri: Hello, Kitsune-kun no da. What happened no da?
Kurama: [looks embarrassed] The Nyan Nyans got Hiei mad.
Chichiri: [nods as if that explains everything (which it does)] Oh no da.
Bara: [yells at Thayet] Thayet-chan!! Let him go!!
Thayet: [grins evily] Not until I tickle him!!
Kurama: [sweatdrop] Oh, k'so...
Chichiri: [sweatdrop] Hentai no da!!
Hiei: [eyes widen, and he squirms desperately] LEMME GO!!!
Bara: [tries desperately not to laugh, for fear of her life] He'll kill you if you do that!!
Thayet: [evil grin widens and she lets out a crazy-sounding, high-pitched giggle] He's been trying to do that since he got here, and he can't!!
Hiei: [snarls and somehow manages to wrench out of her grip] I'LL DESTROY YOU!!!! [flames flare up around him as he prepares to unleash his dragon again]
Kurama: [grabs his shoulder] Don't, you'll die!! [sighs] Besides, if you kill her, we might never get home. [gestures at Bara] She's only human, so she can't send us back...
Bara: [indignantly] Hey!! I never said that I was totally human...
Kurama: [stared at her] Y-you mean...you're part youkai?!
Bara: [grins mysteriously] Maybe...
Hiei: [smiles dangerously] That means I can kill her!! [prepares to toast Thayet, who has been watching the goings-on with an extremely amused look on her face]
Bara: [turns to him] No, it doesn't... [grins evily] I never actually said that I would send you home; I merely stated that I could...
Chichiri: [interrupts] I will get you home no da. [sets kesa on floor and gestures for Hiei and Kurama to get on it] Come on no da!!
[Hiei and Kurama step onto the kesa with Chichiri, who utters a few words. Nothing happens]
Chichiri: [looks surprised] What...what happened no da? It's not working no da!!
Thayet: [puts her hands on her hips] You're not going anywhere...at least not on that bubbly-blankey...
Chichiri: [notices the slogan on Thayet's chest, sweatdrops, and looks extremely frightened] Oh, no no da!! Another crazy fan no da!!
Thayet: [smirks] Oh, did I scare you, Chichiri-san...C'mere and mommy'll make it all better...
Chichiri: [turns chibi and hides behind Kurama] Save me no da!!
Hiei: [rolls his eyes and pulls out his katana, muttering obsceneties not-quite-under-his-breath] Why do I have to do everything around here?!
Thayet: [smiles] Ah, ah, ah!! You kill me or Bara-chan and you'll be stuck here forever...
Hiei: [pauses, clearly considering it]
Kurama: [gives Hiei a stern look] Hiei...
Hiei: [growls and reluctantly stiffles the flames] Hn.
Bara: [cheerily] Besides...you can't leave until we do the interview!!
Hiei: [snarls at her, then sits on the loveseat, fuming and muttering stuff under his breath] I hate ningens...fucking ningens...I swear I'll kill 'em all someday...Except Kurama...and his family...and maybe Yuusuke...
Thayet: [whispers to Bara] Now he's talking to himself...what next?
Bara: [rolls her eyes, then grins with evil intent] Hey, Thayet-chan, let's bring Tasuke-san here!!
Thayet: [matches her grin] Yeah!! And Tamahome too, so we can watch 'em fight!!
Bara: You read my mind... [grin widens] Goody!! [waves her arm]
[Tasuke and Tamahome appear in a flash of light]
Tasuke: [crouches] Where the hell... [sees Tamahome] Who'd ya piss off this time?! Taiits-kun again?!
Tamahome: [glares at him] I didn't do anything!! [smirks] Besides, you're the one who's more likely to piss someone off!!
Tasuke: [snorts] Yeah right!! The only people I piss off are the people I kill!!
Tamahome: [sneers] Oh really?! Then why aren't I dead yet?
Tasuke: [smirks] Because I'm waiting to see you screw up your relationship with Miaka...again!!
Tamahome: [shoves him] You wanna fight?! C'mon, let's go!!
Tasuke: [shoves him back] I'll beat your ass!!
Tamahome: [smirks] Oh, really? I hear that you didn't do too good a job of it last time we fought!!
Chichiri: [sweatdrop] They always do this no da...
Kurama: [sweatdrop] I've...noticed...
Hiei: [watches the fight progress with tired interest] Hn.
Bara: [smirks] This should be amusing...
Thayet: [grins evily] Yup!! We're too evil!!
[All anime characters turn to stare at them, sweatdropping]
Chichiri: [regains his voice] Y-you're evil no da?!
Bara: [grins at Thayet] They're gullible, aren't they?
Thayet: [smirks] Yup!! Typical good guys. This is so fun!!
Tamahome: [blinks] So...you're not evil?
Bara: [claps her hands sarcastically] Give the boy a prize!!!
Tamahome: [looks around hopefully] Okane? [falls to the foor as Bara socks him one] Ittai!
Tasuke: [mutters] I hate women!!!
Thayet: [grins evily] That must mean you're gay!!
Tasuke: [eyes widen] NANI?!
Thayet: [sighs at his apparent denseness, or deafness, or whatever and repeats what she said slowly] I said, you must be gay.
Tasuke: [face turns as red as his hair] I AM NOT GAY!!!!
Bara: [looks doubtful] Uh-huh...and that's why you're blushing.
Tasuke: [sweatdrop] Er...
Tamahome: [points at the tomato-faced Tasuke and falls to the invisible floor in a fit of helpless giggles] You're gay?! HA HA HA!! [stops laughing and thinks (that must be hard for him) for a moment] ...That must be why you hang out with Nuriko so much...EWWW!!!!
Tasuke: [turns towards him, the red in his face quickly turning from embarrassment to rage] SHADDUP!! [lunges at Tamahome]
Tamahome: [dodges] Fine! Let's fight, ya fanged menace!!
Tasuke: [takes out his tessen] Alright, ya penny pincher!
[They start fighting]
Bara: [grins] This should be interesting.
Thayet: [smirks] As if everything else wasn't?
Hiei: [watches the fight for a while, then curls up on the loveseat and falls asleep] Zzzzzz...
Bara: [slightly crazed expression softens a bit] Aww...how cute...
Kurama: [sweatdrop] Oh Inari-sama!!
Chichiri: [sweatdrop] As I said before no da. Crazy fans no da...
Thayet: [smirks] Yup!!
Hiei: [turns over and burrows into the black loveseat, his black clothing and hair totally camoflaging him] Zzzzzz...
Shakira: [stirs] Uhhn... What happened? [glares at Bara] You put up that brick wall, didn't you?!
Bara: [grins sheepishly] Guilty as charged...
Shakira: [whines] You're mean! I'm not gonna' play with you anymore!!
Thayet: [mutters to Bara] Great Inari-sama!! Can we say 'Sekhmet?'
Kurama: [flinches at Thayet's use of 'Inari-sama']
Bara: [snickers] Hai no da!!
Chichiri: [flinches at Bara's use of 'no da'] Oro no da...
Shakira: [shoots them a dirty look and turns around to see the fight] How'd Tamahome-san and Tasuke-san get here? [glances at Bara, who just got an evil grin] Never mind...
Thayet: [yells to the fighters] Go Tasuke-san!! Burn his ass!!
Bara: [gives an insane cackle] Yeah Tasuke-san!!
Chichiri: [sweatdrop] More crazy fans no da!! Oro no da!!
Kurama: [sweatdrop] Something tells me that I'm going to learn about what you're talking about really soon...
Shakira: [glares at Bara and Thayet, then yells to the fighters also] Go Tamahome-san!
Tamahome: [turns around...] Miaka? [...and is immediately char-broiled by Tasuke's tessen] Ittai... [falls over]
Tasuke: [grins evily] Payback's a bitch!
Bara: [smirks] I guess I'm payback then!
Kurama: [sweatdrop] This is getting scary...
Chichiri: [sweatdrop] Hai, no da.
Tasuke: [sweatdrop] I really hate women!!
Tamahome: [slightly-singed sweatdrop] I'm beginning to understand why...
Shakira: [snorts] Gay guys...
Thayet: [shoots Bara a look of disagreement] No, I am!!
Bara: [snarls] NUH-UH!! I AM!!
Thayet: [screams] I AM!!
Bara: [shrieks hysterically] NO!! I AM!!!
[The arguement soon escelates to a physical fight. This goes on for quite awhile, until a sweatdrop-enveloped Tasuke threatens to burn them]
Thayet: [lets go of Bara's hair reluctantly] Aww man!!
Bara: [rubs scalp, wincing] That was fun! Why'd you have to break it up?!
[Everyone else in the room turns SD, with the exception of Hiei, who is somehow still sound asleep despite all the noise]
Chibi Shakira: [jumps up and down] I'm still mad at you Bara-chan! I'm gonna get you back!! [returns to her semi-normal form] I know!! [she snaps her fingers, grinning evily]
[Once again, there is a flash of light and a pop. A collective groan of dread is heard from the anime characters. A tall, chubby boy with short, dirt-blonde hair appears]
Bara: [pales] Oh...my...God...It's...my...LITTLE BROTHER!!!! AAUUUURRRGGGGHHHH!!!! [grins insanely] KILL IT!!! NNEEAAHH!!! MUST KILL LITTLE INSECT!!! [tommy gun appears in her hands and she shoots the shit out of her brother]
Little Brother: [grins retardedly and flaps his arms like a bird] You can't kill me!! I'm your brother!!
Bara: [drops tommy gun, screams, then falls to the floor and curls up in a ball, moaning] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...
Little Brother: [speaks up to be heard over Bara's long-winded shrieking and runs around the room flapping his arms like a bird and foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog] Ha ha ha!! She can't kill me!! Nyaa nyaa... [stops when he sees the anime characters, who are backing away, fearfully] Hey!! You're the guys my sister's obsessed with!! [starts running around retardedly again, screaming in a high-pitched shriek] YuYu Hatufo!! Figugi Wuchi!! Wonin Warriors!! [plops down on loveseat, right on top of Hiei]
Hiei: [wakes up to the feeling of being crushed to death] GET OFF ME, DAMMIT!!! [immediately, the couch and the annoying boy are reduced to ashes] DAMN NINGENS!!!!
Bara: [looks up and smiles gratefully] Yay!! [breaks into song] Ding, dong, the brat is dead!! The ugly, stupid, retarded brat is dead... [pauses] ...Damn!! How does the rest of that song go?! [glances at Hiei] Thank you SO much!! I couldn't kill him...It's against some weird rule or something. But...since you aren't related to him... [grins] Yay!! I don't have to put up with his annoying little comments anymore!! And even better!!! It'll just look like he had a stroke or something!!
Hiei: [looks between her and the pile of ashes on the floor, which is now being blown away by a telltale wind] NANI!? I JUST FRIED HIM!!!!
Bara: [looks at Thayet sheepishly] I guess we'd better tell them...
Thayet: [glances at the fuming Hiei and looks at Bara] I agree wholeheartedly...
[All anime characters stare at the two; Shakira just stands there smirking; the ashes are ignored and eventually blow away by a mysterious breeze that picked up from nowhere]
Bara: [clears her throat] Well...you kinda aren't really...physically here...
Tasuke: [asks somewhat hesitantly] Wh-whaddaya mean by that?
Bara: [fidgets] Well...ya see...I'm kinda telepathic...
[All anime characters gape at her]
Bara: [continues] ...And I kinda snatched your minds from your bodies and brought them into my mind...
Kurama: [stares at her in amazement] ...So this is your mind?
Bara: [nods sheepishly] Uh-huh...
Kurama: ...Interesting...Why couldn't we detect your power?
Bara: [blinks at him and speaks slowly] I'm...tel-e-path-ic...
[All anime characters stare at her dumbly]
Bara: [sighs] I manipulated your minds so you couldn't sense it.
All Anime Characters: [scream, horrified] NANI?!
Thayet: [grins evily] Tell 'em the rest Bara-chan!!
Bara: [glares at her, then sighs] Oh, all right... [takes a deep breath] ...And while you're here I have complete control over your physical bodies...
Thayet: [grin widens] That means that we could do something like make Tamahome-san and Bara-chan's other little brother start frenching in the middle of Hotohori-sama's court!!
Tamahome: [screams with a priceless horrified look on his face] NANI?!
Bara: [smiles sickeningly] No...my little brother would like that too much...
Thayet: [sweatdrop] Too much information...
Tamahome: [huge sweatdrop] You two are PERVERTS!!
Chichiri: [sweatdrop] Oh, no no da!! Hentai crazy fans no da!!
Hiei: [snickers] I figured that out a long time ago!
Kurama: [snickers] So did I!
Shakira: [snickers] I've known that for quite a while!
Tasuke: [busts up, laughing loudly] Damn penny-pincher finally got what's coming to him...
Bara and Thayet: [grin evily and insanely]
Thayet: [looks meaningfully at the other characters] Don't laugh...We could do something equally embarrassing to you, too. [contemplates the possibilities aloud] Hmm...We could bring Kuwabara here and have him and Hiei-san do something extremely embarassing...
Hiei: [face turns green] NANI?!
Bara: [pouts] I wouldn't do something like that to him!! He killed my brother for me!!
Hiei: [looks supremely relieved]
Thayet: [continues, not realizing that Bara has said anything] ...In public too...That'd be so much fun; just to see the look on their faces...
Hiei: [looks sick]
Bara: [growls] Thayet-chan...
Thayet: [turns to Bara] Oh, if you don't wanna do it, I'll do it myself. You're not the only one who can do it...
Hiei: [sweatdrops and backs away]
Bara: [crosses her arms] ...And I don't have to prevent these guys from killing you...
Thayet: [grins at her] But Hiei-san's the only one who would want to kill me. And I've already proved that he can't.
Kurama: [frowns] I'll join in...
Chichiri: [backs up Kurama] Me too no da...
Tasuki: [sighs] I guess I will too...
Tamahome: [grins] I will too!!
Hiei: [looks considerably less frightened] Hn...
Thayet: [considers her chances of taking on all of the present anime characters at once in a battle and winning without dying, then pouts] Not fair!! [grins evily] Oh, well. We can always have other fun...
All Anime Characters: [horrified screams] NOOOOOOOOOO...
Chichiri: [still yelling] ...NO DA!!
[Everyone turns to stare at Chichiri. He turns bright red and tries to hide in his kasa. It doesn't work.]
Bara: [glares scornfully at Thayet] No!! I like these guys too much... [glances at Tamahome] ...Well...most of 'em... [grins maniacally] ...Besides...just think of all the fun we'll have with Yuusuke and Kuwabara!!
Thayet: [grins] Yeah!! [pauses, then pouts] ...But that means I gotta wait!!
Shakira: [grins] Oh, well...I can wait to see that...if I absolutely have to. The wait'll be worth it!!
Bara: [turns to her] ...And who said that you were still going to be here when that happens, pray tell? I'm getting rid of you A.S.A.P.!!
Shakira: [pouts] Awwww, man!! That sucks!!
Tamahome: [looks like he wants to cry] You...don't like me?
Bara and Thayet: [glare at him] NO!! Now shut up!!
Tamahome: [shrivels under their glares] Yes ma'ams.
[All anime characters breathe huge sighs of relief]
Bara: [still grinning] ...And just think of all the fun we'll have when we bring in Miaka and Yui...
Tamahome: [horrified] NANI?!
Bara: [sheepishly] ...Uh...oops...did I say Miaka?...I meant...Nakago-san...and Yui... [fingers cross behind back]
Tasuke: [crosses arms over chest] Uh-huh, sure.
Bara: [grins evily] What?
Chichiri: [backs away] I don't trust that smile, no da...
Bara: [grin widens] Gee, why not?
Tamahome: [eyes widen] You mean she's going to hurt Miaka?!
Bara: [looks at his with a mock-innocent expression on her face] Hurt? No... [speaks under breath] ...Scare shitless, yes... [begins to laugh maniacally] MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Tamahome: [turns chibi] EEEP!! [jumps into Chichiri's arms]
Chichiri: [drops Tamahome uncerimoniously to the floor] ...Oro, no da!!
Hiei: [smirks] She reminds me of Mukuro...
Kurama: [snickers] I agree with that...
Bara: [turns her frighteningly insane gaze on them] Thanks!! She's cool!!
Hiei: [smirk disappears under an almost frightened look] You know Mukuro?!
Bara: [groans] Me and my big mouth... [sighs] I've never met her, but I've heard about her...
Hiei: [cocks his head curiously] How?
Bara: [grins evily] Do you really want to know?
Hiei: [eyes narrow] You've been messing around in my head, haven't you?!
Bara: [somewhat sheepishly] Um...yeah...
Hiei: [gives an enraged snarl and launches himself at Bara]
Kurama: [catches the wildly flailing, extremely pissed of fire demon in mid-leap, stopping him from killing Bara] Remember...if you kill her, we all die!!
Hiei: [still struggling] I DON'T CARE!!!
Bara: [backs away] ...Look...it was an accident...It happened while I was bringing you here...that's all I saw, was Mukuro...honest...I'm sorry!! It was an accident!!
Hiei: [continues to struggle] I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!
Bara: [turns chibi] Yipe!! [hides behind Thayet]
Thayet: [sighs and walks to the struggling fire demon] Stop it!!
Hiei: [snarls at her] MAKE ME!!
Thayet: [shrugs] Whatever you say... [gives him a demonstration of the Vulcan neck pinch]
Hiei: [slumps in Kurama's grasp, unconscious]
Kurama: [looks alarmed] What did you do to him?!
Thayet: [grins] I gave him a Vulcan neck pinch. He'll be fine. [smile widens] And even better...he won't remember these last few minutes. [she waves her arm and another black, leather loveseat appears] He'll wake up in about ten minutes.
Kurama: [sits down, cradling Hiei's unconscious body]
Bara: [mutters] Great...now we're bringing in Star Trek...
Thayet: [grins at Bara] Whaddaya say we get on with the interviews?
Bara: [scowls] Fine...I'm sending Tasuke-san, Tomahome-san, and Shakira-chan out of my mind. They're giving me a headache!! [grins evily] Chichiri-san can stay here forever!!
Chichiri: [turns chibi] AHHHHHHHHHHH, NOOOOO DAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! [runs to the others] Save me from the hentai no da!!
Bara: [laughs] I was just kidding, Chichiri. I'll send you back with them.
Chichiri: [sighs in relief, not wanting to stay in the insane girl's dillusional mind any longer, and nods] Arigato no da.
Shakira: [pouts] Hey!! I wanna stay here!!
Bara: [snorts] You wish!! BUUBBYYEEEE!!! [waves her arm and the four disappear] Okay, that's done... [pauses] Whoopsie!! I accidentally sent Tamahome-san to Shakira-chan's body and Shakira-chan to Tomahome-san's... [doesn't look too upset; glances at watch and taps her foot for a few minutes as Thayet and Kurama watch her] I suppose I better bring them back here... [waves arm again, and the two reappear, both looking rather traumatized]
Thayet: [starts laughing]
Tamahome: [shrieks] You sent me into a GIRL'S body!! A NUDE girl's body!! AN UGLY, NUDE GIRL'S BODY!!
Shakira: [spits frantically] I woke up and...and MIAKA SMOTHERED ME WITH KISSES!!! She said that I was Tamahome!! EWWW!!! [pauses, then realizes what Tamahome said] HEY!!
Bara: [sighs and waves arm again; the two disappear] There. Good riddance!! [scowls] Let's get on with the interview so I can go to sleep!!
Thayet: [stops laughing and grins] Kay!! [turns to Kurama] So, you and Hiei are pretty good friends, huh?
Kurama: [looks at her suspiciously] Yeah...So?
Thayet: [leans forward] Are you more than just friends?
Kurama: [gapes at her] NANI?!
Thayet: [sighs] Are you more than just friends?
Kurama: [looks annoyed] I heard what you said...I just can't believe you're asking me that.
Thayet: [stares at him intently] So, are you?
Hiei: [stirs slightly] Uhhnn...
Thayet: [mutters under her breath] He would pick this particular moment to wake up...
Kurama: [looks at Hiei worriedly] Are you okay?
Hiei: [opens his eyes and pulls away from Kurama] Hn...What happened?
Kurama: [glances at Bara and bites his lip] Umm...What's the last thing you remember?
Hiei: [thinks for a moment, then narrows his eyes at Thayet] She was threatening me!!
Thayet: [snickers] Yeah. I was about to tickle you and I guess you couldn't take it. You passed out. [grins] Hey!! I wonder if you...
Bara: [glares at Thayet] Shut up, Thayet-chan!! I know what you're going to say!!
Thayet: [looks at her innocently] Well, I bet he did!!
Bara: [looks outraged] You and I both know that he didn't!! Stop starting shit!!
Hiei: [snarls at them] What the FUCK are you talking about?!
Kurama: [sweatdrops, realizing what they're talking about] Don't ask...I'll tell you later...
Hiei: [growls at him] I want to know NOW!!!
Bara: [glares at Thayet] Now look what you did...We're never going to finish this interview!!
Thayet: [looks sheepish] Gomen...
Bara: [turns away from her and looks at the other two] So...how did you like your parts in Poltergeist Report?
Kurama: [looks relieved to change the subject] Well, I was kind of disappointed that I didn't get to use my youko form, and I didn't like the fact that I was tricked so easily by that one demon-god...What was his name?
Bara: [smiles] We never found out. He was just known as 'Kuronue'.
Kurama: [flinches]
Bara: [turns to Hiei, who is still glaring daggers at Thayet, who is smirking at him] What about you, Hiei-san?
Hiei: [glares at no one in particular] I didn't get to kill Kuwabara!! And why couldn't I have just let Hinigeshi die?! She's annoying as hell!! Then I had to let Kuwabara carry me!! Yuck!!
Thayet: [snickers] Well, you were sorta unconscious at the time...
Bara: Yeah, so there really wasn't much you could do about it...
Hiei: [growls at them]
Kurama: [stops him from pulling out his katana] They're right.
Hiei: [snarls at him, but doesn't pull out his katana]
Bara: [shrugs] Besides, you did kill Rako. That was cool!!
Thayet: [frowns] Yeah it was, but you didn't yell 'ensatsu kokuryhurra'. Why not?
Hiei: [snarls] I DID!!! Damn fucking English dubbing!!
Thayet: [sighs] Stupid American companies!! If you can't translate it properly, just LEAVE IT ALONE!!! [bursts into tears]
Kurama and Hiei: [look startled]
Kurama: [glances at Bara] What's wrong with her?
Bara: [looks at Kurama] They did the same thing to poor Chichiri-san's 'no da's. Now he says 'y'know' after every sentance...Poor Thayet-chan...she hasn't been the same since...
Thayet: [sniffs and wipes her tears away] I'm better now...
Bara: [sighs] Thayet-chan, let's just get this interview done. Then you can go watch the subbed Fushigi Yugi.
Thayet: [looks at Bara happily] Really? [Bara nods] Thank you, Bara-chan!! [looks at Hiei] Just out of curiosity...since I haven't had the pleasure of reading the manga, seeing the episodes, or seeing the other movie...Why don't you tell Yukina-chan that you're her older brother?
Hiei: [snarls] NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!
Bara: [glances at Thayet] Oh, I saw spoilers on the internet...you probably haven't read them yet...The price for getting his Jagan was never being able to tell Yukina-chan who he really is... [Hiei glares at her] Gomen nasai...
Thayet: Ohhh...that explains it...Gomen nasai Hiei-san...I shouldn't have asked...
Hiei: [crosses his arms over his chest] Hn.
Bara: [changes the subject] So...what was your favorite part of the movie, Kurama-san?
Kurama: [thinks about it] I don't know...I guess when we finally beat Yakumo...
Bara: That was cool. Especially the blue and black ensatsu kokuryhurra... [glances at Hiei] How about you, Hiei-san?
Hiei: [grins evilly] Seeing the look on Kuwabara's face when I almost killed him...
Thayet: [laughs] That was funny... [looks at Bara]
Bara and Thayet: [in unison] OH MY GOD WE'RE DOOMED!! [they collapse in giggles]
Bara: [catches her breath] Kuwabara is such an idiot. It's hysterical!!
Hiei: Finally!! Someone agrees with me!!
Bara: I think almost everybody does.
Thayet: [aside to Bara] Um...do we have anymore questions to ask them..?
Bara: [thinks for a moment] I...don't think so... [turns to Hiei and Kurama] I think we're done with you guys...Later!!
Thayet: [glares at them] By the way, if you warn anyone about us, you'll be sorry...
Hiei: [snarls] FINALLY!!
Kurama: [tries to be polite] Okay...goodbye...No offense, but I hope we never see you again...
Bara: [grins] That's understandable...
[Kurama and Hiei disappear in a flash of light]
Thayet: [smacks her head with her hand] K'so!! He never answered my question about them being lovers...
Bara: [shrugs] Oh, well. I personally think that they are, but you can always ask next time...
Thayet: [smiles] Yeah...you're right...next time....
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