Bastard Amber
by White Cat
Why did I write this? Um, because I *like* Keiko, and I do have a tendency to hurt my favorites? Honestly, I don't know. But the lyrics of the song that shares the story title (and was the inspiration) just inspired me to do something with this sort of plot (I guess it's true, saying you can find inspiration anywhere), and I thought Keiko would be the most fitting character for this little tale. Unfortunately, I don't remember all of them, nor the singer - I saved a .wav file of the song long ago, and the lyrics that went with that small part ... if anyone can recognize it, *please* tell me! I'd appreciate it. (What lyrics I do have are included at the bottom.)
If anyone's interested in hearing, I have an explanation of the world that leads up to this story, but if no one wants to hear (it's not a fic, just an explanation), I won't post.
WARNING!!!!!! Allusions to rape are made in this story!! No actual n/c lemon, but it IS alluded to, so if that makes you ill, PLEASE LEAVE NOW!!!! I will not appreciate flames, after I've given ample warning.
Not only that, but if you're one of those people who need a happy, fluffy story every time, this *DEFINITELY* isn't for you. It's not a death story, but it's not going to please you, if you demand Happy Endings, either.
Also, one last thing ... if you're someone who doesn't like Keiko, and plan to reply to tell me you're glad to see this happen to her, or anything along
those lines, please don't bother. I don't want to hear it, because, as I said, I *like* Keiko, and I don't need to hear people slamming her.
Thank you.
--WhiteCat
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bastard Amber
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yukimura Keiko looked around the darkened halls of the apartment nervously, fumbling in her purse for the spare key. It took a few seconds of searching, and then her fingers closed firmly over the cold, hard metal, lifting it from the dark confines of the leather bag. With a small, ragged exhalation - almost like a sob of relief - she slid the key into the lock and opened the door with a practiced flick of her wrist.
Once inside, she closed the door behind her, sliding the small bolt into place and securing the thin bronze chain, and leaned heavily against the solid panel of wood. In the darkness of her small, crowded apartment, she could barely make out the large, bulky shapes of furniture. For a few seconds, she could hear ugly male laughter, echoing noisily in her ears, and almost fancied she could see their twisted, leering shapes in the back of the two chairs shoved together to make a crude couch, and in the small coffee table with its broken leg.
The longer she stared at them, the tighter the constriction in her throat grew, until she could barely breathe. With a gasp, she flung herself from the door and against the wall, one hand scrabbling desperately over the textured plaster until she found the smooth rise of the switch. Her breath caught, and then she flipped the switch up, flooding the apartment in the golden-yellow of artificial light.
Once more, the furniture was reduced to what it had been: blocks of crafted wood, fitted over with leather and cloth. She heaved a sigh, bringing up a hand to rub at her forehead, and the tight headache that was beginning to form behind her eyes.
She was jumping at the slightest of shadows, these days.
It was crazy. It was stupid.
It was what her life had become.
Keiko pushed away from the walls, stumbling wearily towards the makeshift couch, collapsing on its rough surface, finally pausing to kick off her shoes. Once that task was finished, she curled into a little ball, bringing her knees up against her chest and resting her chin on them. After a few seconds, she began a slow rocking motion; back and forth, back and forth, humming a small, mindless little American show tune to herself to banish the otherwise stifling quiet ...
"and everything's as if ... we never ... said ... good ... bye ..."
Wide, vacant brown eyes slowly closed, though the young woman never ceased rocking back and forth. And as seconds passed, she pulled in even tighter against herself, trying in her own small way to fight back against the snarling, angry laughter that ripped through her mind, taunting her as she struggled.
*"Urameshi's woman, eh?"*
*"Pretty little bitch, ain't she? No wonder Urameshi fell for her."*
*"Oi, oi, ojousan, calm down ... we ain't gonna hurt ya ..."*
*"Naah ... you'll love it. Trust us ..."*
Her eyes closed even more tightly, her mouth moving in a silent plea for help to someone who could never answer her, ever again.
*WhereareyouYuusukepleasehelpmecomehelpmehelpmeplease...*
Abruptly, her eyes snapped open, and she rolled off the couch, her movements stiff and mechanical, and began a swaying attempt to reach the kitchen. She stopped every few seconds to sag heavily against the closest piece of furniture or wall, before pulling herself back upright and pushing further.
The darkness of the small kitchen swallowed her like a physical being, and for a moment, she panicked, seeing -
*"Hanasee! Ha-na-see!!!"*
*"Relax, ojousan ... I told you, you'll love this ..."*
*"Hanasee--! Let go of me this instant!"*
*"Oho, so you wanna play rough, huh ... ?"*
Her hands were shaking when she flipped the light switch. And even the warmth of electricity couldn't make the chill in her body leave. Sagging against the wall, her eyes roamed around the tiny quarters, finally alighting on the only reminder she kept of her past -
- of *him* -
- a small picture from some group picnicc. The happy, lighthearted mood that it projected brought an echoing, twisted smile to her face, and she let her head drop limply, as if the tendons in her neck had snapped.
For a moment, she was angry -
- how *dare* he go off and get himself kkilled like that -
- and then the sobs began, wracking her entire body like a violent electrical jolt. She slid to the floor, covering her face with her hands.
She was being stupid and stubborn, she knew.
But she couldn't go back and face them - not after -
*"Ch', you're a feisty one, aren't you?"*
*"Aw, shit, don't cry, lady! You asked for this, after all!"*
*"Jeez, who would've thought Urameshi would've fallen for such a whiny bitch?"*
*"Maybe he gets a kick outta their pleading."*
*"Keh! Knowing Urameshi, he would. Maa, maa, ojousan, don't cry."*
*"Yeah. You're gonna LOVE what comes next ..."*
Oh, she knew she was being irrational. Her family would forgive her, and her friends would, if anything, be more protective and supportive than before. They could help her through what had happened to her; they could lift her out of the shattered ruins her life had become, and help her rebuild.
It was just ... her pride ...
She wasn't sure when laughter started mingling with the choked tears. It just happened, and once she realized it, she saw no real need to stop. In fact, she let the laughing grow louder, until it nearly overpowered her, keening and loud, even muffled by her hands.
And then she was crying again; dry, heaving sobs that hurt more than anything - more than the feet encased in too-tight shoes all day, more than the fading bruise on her cheek from when her boss had grown angry at her, more than the hollow, bleeding place inside her chest ...
It carried on for five minutes.
It carried on forever.
And finally, the broken woman Yukimura Keiko had become curled into an impossibly tight ball on the hard floor of her dirty little kitchen, and fell asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just one more night
Lit in bastard amber.
Another night
Where the darkness never falls.
There was a time
She can barely remember
With no bastard amber
Burning in the halls.
There were emerald greens,
And there were midnight blues,
A hundred richer shades
A thousand darker hues
And she could recognize herself
And she could put things right ...
And sleep without a bastard amber ...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------