The Final Gift
by Arcina
< waves> Oh lookie!! I actually got to writing another fic! < blinks in surprise>
It's YAOI for all you lovely people who don't read the Subject line. And for all the Kurama and Hiei fans...I-erm...
This was sort of written in a rush...I wasn't in a very good mood and I had to finish it while it lasted, or I just might have decided to change it altogether. Feel free to tell me of any mistakes I made. I'm sure there's a lot of 'em. ^_^ And anyone who feels like flaming me for this...*sigh*...I don't blame you.
Insert standard disclaimer..
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The Final Gift
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The sky's vermilion hue cast the entire world with its scarlet tint, even the most verdant foliage acquiring its heavenly monarchs taste of tone. The sprinkle of gold and orange shone upon the plains and all else that it harbored. Blue water turned red-orange as the suns' rays glistened on its mirror-like exterior, white light sparkled in a dance of colored specter along the waters surface.
The splendor of the crimson sunset was the beauty of this place. But it only brought his thoughts to the other. That other. His other. And the one he would be holding in his arms.
The Makai. The world that he had chosen to leave behind. The very world that was given back to him.
~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~
Five years. To one with a lifespan such as his, what was five years to him? It was nothing.
Yet, it had seemed like eternity.
For five years he had fought in Mukuro's army. Had helped her establish her power and superiority in the distant parts of the Makai. Served her without fail. His black-cladded form an ominous sight in the eyes of thousands. The whistle of metal through air, the sight of his katana slicing through flesh, having been the cause of death of many who dared oppose him.
He had done what had been expected of him. He had built her army, her regiment. Day after day her dominion increased because of him. Week after week, hundreds died at his command. His reputation was wide-spread, even surmounting the repute he had held as a thief. His presence was taken with ill-respect, fear over-powering anything else. His name whispered alongside the most stonehearted, callous killers to ever roam the Makai.
The killing was not something he enjoyed. Not anymore. But it was what he had to do. It had been his tie to survival. The senseless killing. The pretense of brutality. Of not caring for anything, for anyone. It was all he could do.
Cause inside, he was dying.
Because somehow, at one point of his life. He had learned to care.
For her.
For him.
For both of them.
Staying in the Makai had opened a vast emptiness in his soul. The slaying had been an attempt to fill that void. To fill the hollowness he felt, the utter feeling of having part of himself ripped out. Of having part of himself gone. But the slaying had disgusted him. It held no meaning for him. In truth, it had merely succeeded in broadening the rift inside of him.
He didn't need that. That constant reminder of what he had been before he had met them. He didn't want to know why it mattered so much. Didn't want to know why he felt so lost. It was what he had tried to avoid. But the one thing he could not.
To live again.
It was why he had come back.
~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~
He found him walking by the river, hands stuffed inside one of those Ningen created horrors which he faintly remembered to be called jeans. But it looked good on him. Anything, looked good on him. Seeing him again brought all the memories rushing back. The acts of pure and utter kindness. Selfless gestures, gentle words, forever patient no matter his futile attempts to keep everyone at a distance. One of only two who had managed to slip through the bastion he had built around himself. His reason for returning.
He made sure his approach was noisy enough to attract his attention. He turned around, a welcoming smile lighting his face, then, eyes widened in surprise at seeing who it was.
"Hiei!?" Disbelief echoed in that one word.
"Hello Kurama."
"I-" He trailed off, the initial shock still present. It couldn't be. He approached hesitantly, a hand stretched out, tentatively reaching to see if Hiei was really there. Too long. Five years he had been gone. With not even a whisper since he had left.
His fingers touched soft flesh, heat washing through his body. He felt the strong ki radiating from him. So unmistakable, that presence. He was really here.
Hiei remained silent. Watching the shifting miens of surprise, delight and confusion in the face before him. The last baffled him. The possible source of confusion unknown to him. For the first time, Hiei yielded completely as Kurama drew him close, arms wrapping tenderly around him. He relaxed, the overwhelming sense of relief that washed over him then making him slightly dazed. He had him. It was all that mattered.
He had stayed away too long. That feeling of losing himself in the breathtaking wave of emotions that spiraled within him nearly causing him to flee. But he couldn't leave. Couldn't run away. Not again. He lifted his head, the sensation of utter surrender still controlling his actions. He briefly saw the look of repentance in Kurama's eyes before he pressed his lips against his. Failing to notice the regret that he had seen. His own need to feel Kurama in his arms, to actually return the kisses that the other had given so freely in the past, driving rationality from his mind.
For a moment. Only a moment.
Until Kurama stiffened and gently pulled away from him.
"Hiei." Spoken softly, head bent, red-strands falling to conceal his face.
Hiei could only stare at him. Struggling with the pain the rejection had caused him. He was sinking, the agony pulling him beneath the surface, threatening to consume him. He fought it, refusing to drown in that pain.
"What is it?" Harsh and frigid, anything to hide the pain he felt.
Kurama looked up. "Hiei, please. I - I didn't know. I-" He trailed off, casting him a pleading look.
And then he knew. He could read it in his eyes. How the same he still was. The pain and regret so evident in the green depths. So easy to see into his soul. So easy to know that he loved another.
That Kurama was actually hurting as well, was the only thing that kept him from leaving. Besides, he wanted to know. "Who is he?"
"Does it even matter?" Kurama whispered. He didn't want to talk about it. Not with him. Not now. Not ever.
Hiei regarded him coldly. "No. But I want to know."
Kurama trembled. "You don't know him. I met him three years ago. And we became friends and - and something else."
Hiei battled for control. He had to ask. He had to know. "Do you love him?"
Kurama broke down, sobs wracking his slender form. "Yes. More than life itself, I do. You don't understand, Hiei. For two years I waited for you. Hoping you'd return. Even a brief visit, perhaps to tell me that you still lived, that in a way, you cared enough to come back. But you didn't. I never knew. You were always one to push me away, you left without me knowing if you cared or not. And then I met him. And he was there for me. And he cared, so, so much. I didn't want to. God knows I never wanted this! But I couldn't help it. I love him! I'm sorry."
Hiei watched him, each word driving deep, hurting in places he had never felt before, impaling the very life of him. He was losing the battle. He had to go. He knelt down, close to Kurama's hunched figure on the ground.
"When Minamino Shuuichi dies. And Youko Kurama returns to the Makai. I will not be waiting for you."
Kurama gasped and looked up. "Hiei, wait!"
The breeze was his only answer.
~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~
She looked the same. Five years hadn't changed her a bit. She tended to the plants in the temple garden with such mother-like tenderness. All the while humming to herself, contented in what she was doing. Satisfied with the world around here. She was happy here. She would always be happy here. She was better off never knowing the truth.
Shigure had been right. No matter how resolute your decision, no matter how many times you try to convince yourself of something. The heart changes in time, with time and could never be the same again. But nonetheless, he could not tell her. Couldn't hurt her. Could _never_ tell her.
He felt his chest constrict.
And he was frightened. Frightened of what she would say. How she would react. He was not the brother she longed to find. Not the brother she sought in her mind. Let her continue on dreaming, it was better that way. Better than knowing the truth.
She could never know. _Should_ never know. Her dreams shattered, her heart tainted, her entire world smeared if she found out the killer her brother had become. No. He could never tell her. For her sake. And his.
He wished he could stay and watch over her. But he couldn't do that either. Only two things had drawn him to return here. And one of those ties had been severed, forever. And one link holding him to this world, wasn't enough. It had never been enough.
Maybe. Just maybe. He would return to see her.
He doubted it.
Something fell on the ground below. Startled, he looked down and found a tiny, black gem shining serenely amongst the grass. He smiled bitterly. His first tear and his last. Shed for all that he had lost and all he would be leaving behind.
He bent down to pick it up, resting it gently on his palm. His goodbye.
"Hiei-kun?"
He straightened in a flash, staring at Yukina in surprise. She stood before him, regarding him with gentle red eyes. So much like his, those eyes, except it had never seen pain and violence the way he had. She saw the good things in life, in everything. He couldn't. Especially not now.
She smiled at him. "I'm so glad you came to visit. I haven't seen you for so long."
Hiei blinked. "I - uh, I've been busy."
"I understand. Would you like to come inside and have some tea?"
No!! He couldn't stay longer. Seeing her, knowing that it might be the last time he ever would, was hard enough on him already. To talk to her, to feel her kindness, it would only make things harder.
"Gomen. I can't." He gripped the gem tightly in his hand. "I merely came to give you something." He said softly, reaching out to give her the gem. He dropped it on her palm, staring at her for the briefest of moments. "Goodbye Yukina-chan."
It was the last words he muttered, before fleeing. Making his way back to the Makai. Never to return.
Yukina gazed at the direction he had gone for long moments, the breeze gently caressing her face. Then she looked down, her palm opening to reveal the black gem, her hand quivered, then another gem joined the latter. This time pearlescent in hue, contrasting softly with the sable pearl. Her own tear gem.
"Goodbye Oniisan."
~*~**~*~**~*~**~*~
The sun had set. The Makai was now shrouded in darkness, the moonlight nearly invisible in the foliage of the forest.
He was home now. Back where he belonged.
He stood up and made his way back to Mukuro's territory. It was his future. His calling. He could not avoid that now, of that he was sure.
To live again.
He had died after all.
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May 1998
Arcina