Is
It Wrong to Fall in Love?
chapter 1
by Manille
I ignored everybody’s perplexed looks
towards me as I marched my way towards Koenma-sama’s office. But then again, I
didn’t notice them in the first place. I was too busy with my thoughts. Too
angry. Too…hurt.
This is insane, I told myself. Worse than insane! Why didn’t he tell me? Why?!
The huge double doors towered right in front of me. I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders, and knocked aloud.
"Who is it?!" came the small voice.
"It’s Botan reporting, Koenma-sama!" I said, too loudly even for my own good. I winced at the harshness of my own voice.
"Come in, Botan-chan!" It was Saotome George, Koenma-sama’s oni assistant. I let myself into the office, eyeing the Reikai Prince sitting behind his desk stacked with paper works.
He didn’t even look up at me. "How’s Tokyo?"
"Fine," I replied, bitterness obvious in my voice. "Just fine. No youkais lurking around."
"Mm." Koenma-sama continued stamping papers.
"Yusuke and Keiko are fine as well," I continued.
This time, Koenma stopped and looked at me. "You visited them?"
"Hai."
Koenma-sama shrugged and smiled. "It’s been two years since, huh?"
Yeah. Two years. Two years since we saw Yusuke again in the beach near Genkai-baasan’s temple. More than two years since Koenma-sama, George and I witnessed the first Makai Bujutsukai. More than five years since I became an assistant of Reikai Tantei Urameshi Team. About six years since Koenma-sama gave me Yusuke as an assignment.
I looked at Koenma-sama now. Longish brown hair. Mysterious hazel eyes. The Jr. on his forehead. His lips that weren’t hidden by that silly pacifier anymore.
So that’s why he decided to stay on his teenage form! I yelled mentally. That’s why he ditched the Fuumakan! That’s why he became more and more patient as he worked! That’s why Ayame rarely goes ferrying souls nowadays! Because he and Ayame are getting MARRIED!
"By the way," I continued.
"What?"
"Both of them send their…wishes."
Koenma-sama’s stamp stopped midair. He looked up with his eyes widened. "So…they told you?"
I rolled my eyes and trained them on George, who had been quiet all the time. "George, do you mind if you stay out of the room for a while?"
"Uh, no…no," he said, sauntering off.
"Botan, what’s the big—"
At that moment, George closed the door.
"You know what the BIG IDEA is, Koenma-sama?" Although I was speaking disrespectfully, I didn’t even forget the formality. "It’s the IDEA not to let me know what’s going on between you and Ayame until I learn about it from other people!"
"Oh."
"Oh? OH?! After all this, you only say, OH?!" I practically screamed.
Koenma-sama just chuckled. Can you believe it? He had the nerve to laugh at me!
"Ne, Botan-chan," he said, waving both of his hands in front of him. "Don’t get mad. I was going to surprise you."
I cocked an eyebrow.
"You see, I was going to tell you to surprise you, but I guess Yusuke and Keiko sort of wrecked my plans."
I crossed my arms in front of me. "So what’s the big deal? Why didn’t you just tell me as soon as you announced it to everyone—even to Yusuke, who is a world away?"
I wished Koenma-sama would just wipe that stupid smile off his face. He stood up from his seat and walked around his desk to stand right in front of me. As he did, I felt a nervous flutter in my chest.
"You’re my favorite, Botan-chan," he said, gazing deep into my eyes. I found it hard to tear my gaze from his. "You’ve been a great ferry girl, a great assistant and friend, and you even set me up with Ayame. And I’m very thankful for those things."
"…And?" I managed to croak out.
"I…wanted to make you the maid of honor," he said.
Oh.
Oh great, a maid of honor, I told myself. I wanted to slap myself on the face. Yeah, that was why he didn’t tell you, you bubblehead. He wanted to make you the maid of honor.
I wanted to laugh out loud. But I couldn’t. I felt like I was muted.
"Ne, daijobu?"
Something snapped inside my head. I had forgotten to reply. "Oh, right. That’s…um, great. Great! GREAT!!!"
"Really." He sounded unconvinced.
"I was just…surprised, that’s all." I grinned. "Wow, I’m a maid of honor! Of the Prince of Reikai! WOW!"
I felt like eating my words. What a joke. What a big, dumb joke.
Who was I fooling, anyway? Me. Myself. Not him.
"I’m glad you’re glad!" Koenma attested, going back to his work. "Sorry Yusuke spilled the beans before I can tell you myself."
I flashed him a V-sign with my fingers. "He didn’t know you didn’t tell me," I replied.
"Okay. Arigatou, ne. You’re dismissed," he finally said.
I faked a smile and walked out of his office quietly.
I felt like my energy was zapped from my being as I headed towards the ferry girls’ quarters. I need a break, I thought, thinking of my earlier conversation with Koenma-sama.
He wanted me to be his maid of honor.
Wonderful. Great, just great.
I unlocked the door to my room and quickly changed my clothes. My room is a baby blue in hue, with pink curtains, bed sheets and cabinets. One may say that my room looks like a baby’s bedroom. Yes, it does.
I climb to my bed and try to get some sleep, but I couldn’t get Koenma-sama from my mind. All these feelings I’ve been trying to repress all these years, these decades, these centuries…all these times…came rushing to me like a river that washes my being to surface the truth. The truth I’ve been hiding the moment I became a ferry girl.
I couldn’t even remember how I died. All I remembered was that Ayame took me on her oar and flew me to Reikai. I remembered feeling dread grip my guts as I was taken to an office—where my fate would be decided. Koenma-sama’s office.
He was in his teenage form then.
And right then and there, this girl—this ghost of someone who used to be a human—fell in…in….
Great. I fell in love with Koenma-sama at first sight. Even if he had that pacifier in his mouth.
He was tired and a bit impatient when he saw me, but he managed to order Ayame to leave us in private.
I could feel my heart sinking to my stomach then. I admired his intensity, his devotion and responsibility to his work.
"Your name is Botan, right?" he had asked me. I nodded stiffly.
"Peonies…I like that." He grinned—a tired but genuine smile.
I looked down on the floor, shifting my feet nervously.
"I’ve checked your records, Botan-chan. It seems like you’re a very cheerful girl when you were alive."
I had smiled weakly.
"And very responsible as well. And you know what," he added, "those are the kinds of girls we need in this job."
"J-job?" I reiterated.
"Yes. Ferry girl jobs. Like Ayame."
"Y-you mean…bringing souls here?"
"Hai."
"Y-you’re going to make me a ferry girl?"
"Well, not right now," Koenma-sama said, rising up and walking towards an opening on one side of his office. "Follow me."
I obeyed.
He led me towards the balcony, with almost the whole of Reikai in front of me. From somewhere below us, numerous paths crisscrossed each other, leading toward a foggy distance I couldn’t make out.
"These are the paths ordinary souls take," Koenma-sama explained. "If you were something out of the ordinary…you know what I mean," he gave out a snicker, "you’d take one of these paths. But you’re different."
I couldn’t say anything.
"I’ll give you time to adjust. Then when you’re ready, you’d go into ferry girl training. I would take some years."
"How many?"
"Well…decades."
"But…won’t I get old by then?"
Koenma-sama laughed out loud, much to my embarrassment. "Botan-chan," he began, "no one grows old here in Reikai."
"So…I’m immortal?" I still couldn’t believe it.
"No," Koenma-sama explained. "You’d be a ferry girl for centuries. Then when the time comes, you’ll be reincarnated as a human again."
Silence blanketed over us, each of us in deep thought.
"How long?" I had asked him curiously. "How long will I become a ferry girl?"
"No one knows now," he answered. "The time will just…come."
"Like…I’m going to die as a ferry girl all of a sudden, like how I died as a human?"
"Oh, no. Not all of a sudden. It will be announced to you in a few days’ time…and then…."
I nodded in comprehension.
I was given this room, where I am now. I got to know all the onis around here, all the ferry girls. Koenma-sama had been friendly and inviting, and he entertained me whenever he had the time, which was hard—even centuries ago, his work was piled up. It was then that I learned that he used his baby form more often than he did his teenage form. But I wasn’t downed—I found it amusing, in fact. Eventually, I befriended everyone there, including Koenma-sama. We joked around, until we went to the extent of bashing each other playfully.
I got my old cheerfulness back again. And when I told Koenma-sama I’m ready for training, he backed me up all the way. He gave me my oar and my pink kimono, which has become my official uniform.
The training included erasing my memories of my human life. That’s why I can’t remember it now. Maybe when I become human again, I won’t remember my life as a ferry girl.
I ferried souls from Ningenkai to Reikai—all sorts of them, from beggars to bandits, from toddlers to fathers. I saw the pain, the regret, and sometimes, the satisfaction in their faces. They were those "normal" souls, nothing out of the ordinary.
Until I met Urameshi Yusuke.
He was my first (and only, for that matter) exceptional assignment. He was a juvenile delinquent who turned the Reikai files upside down when he saved a boy from being hit by a car. According to the files, the child should have died, but Yusuke was there, messing up Fate. So, since it wasn’t his time yet, he took up a series of tests so that Koenma-sama could reincarnate him.
Yusuke was something else—he first struck me as rude, crude and stupid, but I came to realize that he would do anything in his power to protect his loved ones. I treated him as a younger brother ever since. And when he returned to life and I thought my assignment was over, Koenma-sama came and told me that it wasn’t.
I met Yukimura Keiko, Yusuke’s childhood sweetheart; Kuwabara Kazuma, his number one rival in delinquency; Kurama, a serene, intelligent high school student who was a youko in his past life; and Hiei, the solitary fire youkai that has always scared me. And numerous other characters, friends and foes alike. And through them all, Koenma-sama commanded me, and I had obeyed like I didn’t feel anything.
Now, I closed my eyes and sighed softly. The baby George and I had always teased is now getting married. To Ayame, the one who ferried me to Reikai. To the one whom I took Koenma-sama for a night in town with. The one I had always figured would make a good fiancée for him.
And I wonder now…why I had set them up in the first place, when it is he who tugs at my very own heart.