All For the Love of You
chapter 5
by Manille
As I brushed my long, usually unruly hair the next morning, I remembered something that I seemed to have quite forgotten a few days before—not exactly forgotten, but tried hard to forget. And it had seemed that I did a good job at it. For one thing, Saikaku hadn’t mentioned it.
But I remembered it—again.
The fireball.
"Maybe it would never happen to you again," Saikaku told me during lunchtime. "Unless you concentrate that much, of course."
I looked at him questioningly. "Saikaku…am I psychic?"
Saikaku looked back at me, his eyes intense. "Hmm…try to think of what I’m thinking right now."
I shrugged, searching his face. His eyes. They seemed to be searching mine. They were the usual soft blue hue, with light shining on it. His eyebrows, so naturally shaped. His cheeks, slightly pinkish. Hie hair, a soft brownish-black, parted in the middle. His lips, pink, slightly quivering, smiling.
I blinked. "You’re…thinking…about me!"
Saikaku rolled his eyes. "What about you?"
"Hmm…you’re thinking…about what I’m thinking!"
"Nope, you’re wrong," he told me. He took a sip of his apple juice and looked back at me. "You’re not psychic."
I sighed hopelessly. "So what the hell am I?"
"What else? You’re a human. You’re Urameshi Misako."
"A human," I repeated, "with some out-of-this-world powers."
Some thoughts occurred to me. What if I am an alien? Some unknown monster transported into another world? A deity, a fairy?
What if…I’m not my parents’ daughter?
That couldn’t be! I always felt a strong bond with my parents. And Kaasan had told me the afternoon before that I came from her—her first child.
Some baby robbery in the hospital?
"You’re a human because you’re head over heels with someone named Hosokawa," Saikaku continued, "and here he comes."
I straightened up, looking around. In our left was Ryutaro promenading over.
I gulped.
"Hey, you two," Ryutaro greeted us with a smile. "We’re looking cozy out here."
Cozy. Arrgh, Ryutaro, can’t you just get the idea that I’m not in love with Saikaku and I’m in love with you?
In love? Eh, can’t say that that’s the exact term.
I saw Saikaku nudge Ryutaro’s ribs. "Misako doesn’t want to hear that," he told him.
"What, about the two of you?"
"Yep."
"Oh. Sorry, Misako."
I smiled cynically at Saikaku, then sweetly at Ryutaro. "That’s all right."
What the heck was Saikaku trying to prove?!
"Hey, sit down," Saikaku told him, letting him sit beside him on the bench. "How’s life?"
"Nothing much. Broke up with my latest."
My eyes widened. Saikaku and I looked at each other indignantly.
"You had a latest?!" Saikaku almost shouted.
"Well, yes," Ryutaro said. He didn’t seem to mind it.
"What…was she the one last week?"
"Nope. The one this week."
My jaw dropped almost to the ground.
Saikaku dropped his, too. We glanced at each other uneasily.
"My God!" Saikaku exclaimed. I could see that he was doing his best not to pull every strand of hair off Ryutaro’s head. "What the hell are you, a girlfriend collector?!"
"Hey, chill out, old buddy!" Ryutaro said. "That’s life."
"That’s life for you."
Ryutaro shrugged. "Okay."
I couldn’t believe it. It was coming from Hosokawa Ryutaro himself. He was admitting that he is a…"a girlfriend collector," to quote Saikaku. I couldn’t believe it. I simply couldn’t.
The guy was pathetic, disgusting, a jerk.
Okay, so the admitting part is okay—so he’s true to himself—but why is he so like that? So fickle? Couldn’t live with one girl for long?
"H-how did it happen?" I found myself asking.
"Well, the way she kissed me sucked, so…."
Oh, my God.
"The way she kissed you sucked?!" Saikaku was going hysterical. "Don’t you know that lots of girls in this school would want to be in the shoes of those whom you date? And you shove your latest off because THE WAY SHE KISSED YOU SUCKED???"
I gulped again. Saikaku…don’t get into that…. I prayed mentally.
"Come on, Saikaku, haven’t you got used to me through all the years we’ve spent together?"
"No! I never knew you were like this! The girl who dumped you last week…you were together for a few months, so I didn’t care. But now…now!"
"Okay, I feel guilty already!" But I knew that he was still fooling around.
"Well, thank God you told me. At least I wouldn’t have to worry about Misako!"
Okay, he got into it.
"Hn." Ryutaro glanced at me briefly. "What about your girlfriend?"
Saikaku’s already icy eyes widened even more. He looked at me.
With my eyes, I told him: Saikaku, don’t tell him, I pray you, don’t tell him. Onegai, onegai.
"Misako…" Saikaku turned back to Ryutaro. "I wouldn’t want any unfeeling jerk to…go out with her."
Secretly, my heart smiled.
"Hn, do you think I’d go out with your girlfriend?"
"SHE’S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!!"
He was pissed off. Badly. I had to stop the two. With shaking knees, I stood up and walked around the table.
I placed both hands on Saikaku’s shoulder. "Saikaku…onegai, stop it."
I could hear Saikaku’s ragged breathing. I glanced at Ryutaro, who didn’t lose the cool on his face. I could feel Saikaku’s body shaking violently.
"I don’t know I had a friend like you," Saikaku said, in a lower voice, yet still firm. "Just find a girl who can make you happy…and whom you can make happy."
Saikaku snatched his bag, my bag and my laptop. Enraged, he stomped away.
I looked at Ryutaro briefly. One of his eyebrows was arched. His face—the face that I had always thought was handsome—was twisted menacingly, unfeelingly. He smiled at me—a cold, nasty smile.
"Take care of your boyfriend," he said.
I never knew how annoying he could be.
I stepped back. I wanted to slap him on the face or give him a punch much, much stronger than those I gave to Saikaku, but somehow, my muscles didn’t move. For once, when I wanted to fight, I was helpless.
I ran away, a hundred pairs of eyes following
me.
"How disgusting can he get?" I muttered, more to myself.
"Yeah, I know."
"I mean…he could have broken her up for some other reason, but for a kiss? That’s so low!"
"Yeah, I know."
I reasoned for a while. "Maybe he was still upset over his last girlfriend. They were very serious, ne?"
"Yeah, I know."
"Those girls don’t deserve him."
"Yeah, I know."
I looked at Saikaku. Was "Yeah, I know" all he was going to say? "And I don’t deserve him either," I finally said.
This time, Saikaku looked back at me. "Yeah." He paused. "I know."
I smiled. Then I beamed. Saikaku grinned back.
I was walking back and forth for minutes. Feeling tired (finally), I sat down beside Saikaku.
Saikaku didn’t move. His gaze was still far away.
I wondered what was bothering him. Ryutaro? Maybe. After all, they were good buddies since elementary, only they got to know each other later than Saikaku got to know me. And knowing that an old friend is "a girlfriend collector" (I don’t know why I like that term) surely hurts someone.
Sure, some guys are not sensitive. Hosokawa Ryutaro is a big example. But Isozaki Saikaku is a sensitive person. I knew that he just didn’t want to show his sensitivity when I was the one hurting him.
He is such a good friend to me.
I was moved with pity. And with guilt, that old idiot of a feeling. It was worse than rage itself.
I wanted to do something to make Saikaku happy.
What could I do to make him forget about it?
An inspiration suddenly hit me.
"Guess what."
"What?"
"It’s over."
Saikaku raised an eyebrow. "What is?"
I shook my head, smiling. "I hate Hosokawa Ryutaro."
Light spread over Saikaku’s face. A smile slowly curved on his lips. "You sure?"
"Just like you said—I wouldn’t want to go out with any unfeeling jerk." I paused. "And I thank you, Saikaku."
I saw that Saikaku almost couldn’t believe his ears. He blinked many times, a chortle escaping his throat every now and then, the color rising up to his cheeks more and more. "Why, you…."
I nodded. "I finally knew what you were trying to prove."
"That he’s a jerk?"
"No, more than that. Okay, yes, but there’s something more." I said the next line from the bottom of my heart. "That you’ll always protect me."
The edges of his eyes crinkled. Yes, I made him glad. Yes!
He leaned forward and embraced me. Tight and long. I embraced him back, savoring the feeling of warmth and trust.
I told you I loved him—very much.
My best friend. I didn’t appreciate our friendship as I did at that moment. No crying whatsoever, but I knew. I just knew. I knew that I trust him, even if he looked cool like Ryutaro. Even if he joined in brawls. Even if he skipped classes. Even if he failed in Chemistry. I just knew that he could be trusted. It was what I knew that mattered.
And that was enough.
The next thing I knew, we were in an ice cream parlor not far away from our school. "This calls for a celebration," he had joked playfully earlier, shaking my hand solemnly. "Finally, my dear Misako-chan has gotten over her fancy!"
"Cheers," I had replied.
I felt as if a heavy weight was lifted off my back. I was free of daydreaming about Ryutaro.
Yes, that was it. He was just a plain old stupid crush, nothing more. He made me go crazy. Loving someone doesn’t exactly make you crazy.
Sure, there’s this song—"I miss you like crazy…." or "I’m so in love…I’m going crazy…." More or less like those. But literally, loving someone doesn’t make one crazy. If anything, it’s the easiest thing to do in the world.
"Okay, what flavor?" Saikaku asked me now.
"Hmm…let me see. Blueberry cheesecake?"
"Got it," Saikaku said, standing up. "I’ll order…a rocky road."
"Sounds cool. But do you have the money?"
"Sure, I do." With a suave wave, he walked away and fell in line at the counter.
Sighing, I put my laptop on the table and turned it on. I felt inspired all of a sudden, as if thousands of ideas were coming into my mind and all I had to do was arrange them logically. When I opened to a word processor, I looked around. Frowning hard, I thought for a while, and started typing away. Chapter One.
The ice cream parlor was quiet. All the woman could hear were the voices of an old couple, talking about what sounded like the cherry blossoms and the end of the springtime.
She looked up at the man before her. "So what do you think,
I stopped right there. I needed a name. A name of a guy…and a girl. Arrgh! Just when my fingers were practically flying across the keyboard….
My gaze fell onto Saikaku’s red Chemistry notebook. Out of impulse, I took it and flipped it open. As if I could find any good name in there.
There still were my scribbles about the bonding. A few leaves after, I could see that he was trying to solve some problems too. Oh, wow! He learned how to bond aluminum and oxygen by himself! Al2O3. Good work, Saikaku.
I leafed through the rest of the pages until I found blank sheets. I turned the notebook over and started reading from the other end.
Scribbles, doodles. Right, sometimes, Chemistry did bore me.
Wait. Isn’t that my name?
Frowning, I looked at Saikaku’s handwriting again.
Right. Misako-chan.
Misako-chan, my best friend, you annoy me, you leave bruises all over my body. Yet why do I love you so much?
I stared on the page.
Why do I love you so much?
The sentence made me freeze.
I knew it didn’t just mean that he loves me…as a friend.
It was more than that.
I wanted to throw the notebook away, but my mind was frozen. I couldn’t think, for the sentence taunted me.
Why do I love you so much?
And below it: When can I tell you this?
I felt claustrophobic all of a sudden. I wanted to leave.
I closed the notebook and put it down on where I had picked it up. Without bothering to save what I had typed on the computer, I turned it off, grabbed my backpack, and quietly left the ice cream parlor.
Poor Saikaku would have to eat my blueberry
cheesecake.
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