All For the Love of You
chapter 17
by Manille
The whole of the hospital seemed to be scurrying around with activity at two thirty-five in the morning. Nurses and doctors were rushing in and out of the room, some of them looking panicked.
It was paired with the irritating sound of footsteps echoing across the corridor.
"Toosan, will you cut that out?" I chided, scratching my head. "Will you sit down here with me?"
"N-no, I can’t," Toosan stuttered. I saw sweat drops falling all over his forehead. "Y-your kaasan…."
"I know, Toosan. Calm down, she’ll be okay!"
"These kinds of days are the scariest days of my life!" he exclaimed, running his fingers through his hair again.
"You are one soft-sided Reikai tantei, Toosan," I remarked, smiling.
Shoot.
Why did I have to say those words again? Reikai tantei.
I was a Reikai tantei already. But strangely, Koenma hadn’t appeared to me for more than three months.
And the words reminded me of that dimension. The painful memories they brought to me kept on haunting me everyday.
Of blood flowing everywhere, and on my hands. So much killing had happened.
The three monsters of Ashiga were killed. Ashiga was captured, and Koenma knows what became of her in the Reikai. Most probably she was punished for what she had done.
Toosan explained everything to Kaasan and me. That Ashiga wanted complete dominion all over the three worlds, and that started a long, long time ago, when Toosan and Kaasan were the same age as I am. And that Ashiga liked my father, for she had known from the very beginning about him being a Reikai tantei.
No, it was more like she lusted for Toosan.
Strange how some people are.
Ashiga was extremely jealous of Kaasan that she almost killed her once—when they were fourteen, Ashiga put poison in Kaasan’s water, but Toosan learned about it from Ashiga, and he induced Kaasan to vomit it all out.
Ashiga wanted to rule over everything with Toosan, especially when she learned that he was the successor of a Makai kingdom. So when Toosan returned from the Makai, she invited him to be her "king", as she had affectionately put it.
But Toosan didn’t want to, good for him.
Because of the refusal, Ashiga lured him into fighting against her. Toosan told only Koenma about it. Toosan beat Ashiga, and Ashiga suddenly disappeared, her energy all gone out of her body.
And so now, she returned, more powerful than ever.
She wanted Toosan to be her husband, but she also wanted his powers to be hers. So she used me as bait to make Toosan surrender himself to her.
And so, the fight in Ashiga’s dimension.
And the death of Saikaku.
His face still appeared in my mind very often, and every night, I still shed a tear for him. I didn’t know what Koenma had done to him, but one thing was for sure—Saikaku was in good hands. He was a great guy, a loving friend…and the only person I will ever love deeply….
Kaasan told me that someday, somehow, another man will come. But I decided against it. There’s only one person I really, really love.
Ai shiteru, Saikaku.
But I mustn’t dwell on my feelings, especially now. Toosan needed my help.
I still couldn’t get over the shock I got at two in the morning, when I heard a loud wail from my parents’ bedroom. Then Toosan knocked on my door furiously. He was panic-stricken, more scared than I had ever seen before, a lot like his face when he saw Ashiga almost trying to cut my throat.
I learned from him that it was the time for Kaasan.
He carried Kaasan into the backseat of the car. I held her there, while Toosan drove on the streets like a drunk madman.
"YUSUKE, WILL YOU DRIVE MORE CAREFULLY?!"
"Toosan, please!" I pleaded. Then I whispered to the baby, "Just a little longer, baby. Hold on just a little while longer…."
And here we were. Toosan was pacing back and forth, running his fingers across his thick hair over and over again. It was driving me crazy!
I had to do something to make him calm down. If I don’t stop him, there’d be another person in that emergency room, I thought.
"Toosan?"
Toosan glanced at me.
"Can I ask you something?"
He shrugged.
"What was it like when I was born? How did you react?"
Toosan gazed at me for a long time. Then he started slowly, still looking at me. "It was noontime. We were both at home, waiting. Then your mother felt it. We rushed to the hospital, and there, you were born."
Toosan finally sat beside me and touched my hair. "You were a pretty baby, Misako. Not that you’re not pretty now." He paused. "But all I know is that your birth is the only time in my whole life when I didn’t care if your kaasan cried—for I was crying harder than she was."
I smiled at him.
"I’M GOING TO KILL YOU, YUSUKE!!!"
That look of panic came back in Toosan’s face. He slipped from the waiting bench and sat on the floor like a baby, burying his face in his hands. "I can’t take it anymore!" he cried.
"Toosan, stop it!" I was laughing under my breath. I felt anxious too, but my excitement overpowered me. I pulled Toosan up.
"Don’t they have the anesthesia or something?"
"They didn’t have the time. We were almost too late, remember?"
"But—"
"YUSUKE!!!"
I bit my lip. I heard Toosan inhale deeply.
"AHHH!!!" Kaasan screamed.
Then everything quieted down.
Then I heard the wail of a…a baby. Soft, sweet….
"Urameshi-san?" A nurse appeared behind the green curtains of the delivery room. She was beaming. Then she looked at Toosan, who was sitting on the floor, confusedly. "Are you all right, Urameshi-san?"
"Yes, he’s okay," I told her.
"Your wife has gone through," she told Toosan. "Come on in!"
I stood up. I practically had to pull Toosan up from the floor. I could even see his knees shaking.
"Toosan, Kaasan is okay!" I nudged him at the ribs.
The nurse led us inside. All the doctors and nurses were smiling quite triumphantly. Kaasan was lying on a bed, her eyes closed, but her lips were curved upwards.
Toosan dashed towards Kaasan’s side. "Keiko? Are you all right?"
Kaasan opened her eyes. "Yusuke…" she said softly. "Our child…."
"Urameshi-san, look at your adorable baby!"
We looked up at the chubby nurse who held a bundle in her arms. The bundle was moving. Toosan walked over and took it.
"It-it’s a boy…." he stammered.
I stood beside him and looked at the baby. Why, it was so cute! Its eyes were closed but its mouth was wide open, perhaps to inhale more air into its lungs.
Toosan waved a finger to it. Then it opened its eyes. Its small hands tried to reach up and grab it.
Its eyes were brown, so much like Toosan’s.
"Toosan, he looks just like you!" I exclaimed thoughtfully.
"It-it does?" Toosan still looked shocked.
"Why, of course!" I extended my arms. "Could I hold it?"
Toosan carefully laid the baby into my arms. "Oh…." I whispered, looking at the oh-so-cute little boy. He looked at me with trustful eyes, and slowly, he smiled.
My baby brother.
"Come over here, Misako," Kaasan said softly.
I walked towards her and put him on her arms.
"Oh…." Kaasan murmured. "He’s so beautiful."
"Yes…."
I looked behind me. Toosan stood there. His eyes were brimming with tears.
I stepped back. Toosan knelt on the floor and looked at Kaasan lovingly.
Kaasan turned her gaze to Toosan. A tear fell down her cheek. "Yusuke…our second child."
"Yes…."
"Oh, Yusuke…."
Toosan’s tears were now falling freely, heavily contrasting his cheerful, strong features. He reached out and planted kisses on Kaasan’s face.
"Keiko, ai shiteru," I heard him whisper to her.
They cried tears of joy together as they looked warmly at the baby boy. Even I felt a tear fall on my cheek. I joined them. Toosan put an arm around me and smiled.
I smiled back. "I told you she’ll be all right," I said.
Toosan kissed my forehead. "You’re going to make one heck of a sister, Misako."
Toosan turned to Kaasan again. Husband and wife. Bonded eternally. Now I could really see what they meant by together forever.
Not even Ashiga destroyed the bond between them.
Seeing Toosan and Kaasan like that warmed my heart very deeply, but it also ached. Of memories. My parents reminded me too much of him.
I realized that I couldn’t hold on much longer. Brushing a tear, I walked out of the delivery room without a word.
I walked in a daze as I headed out of the hospital.
There was a small park beside the parking lot. I found our white car, the one that Toosan parked so carelessly because of frenzy.
But he wouldn’t be frenzied any longer. He and Kaasan were in there, with the baby boy.
I found myself staring at the sky, dotted by countless stars. When I was young, I always counted stars, but Kaasan had to carry me to bed as I slept before even finishing.
The night—or morning—reminded me of being in my room, sitting on my windowsill, playing my guitar and singing, while a guy stands on the street below, singing with me.
I did that many times. Over and over again. I used the very same song, but no Isozaki Saikaku came.
And I had to slap myself to make me believe that he’s really gone and he won’t come back to sing my song with him.
As always, whenever I was reminded of him, my hands crawl up to that gem always hanging on a golden chain around my neck.
A sapphire stone, the very color of his eyes, in a gold frame.
Saikaku’s last gift to me, given in that who-knows-where desert.
I clutched it tightly, letting two beads of tears roll down my cheeks.
The note he gave along with the necklace is forever etched in my memory: Misako, if anything happens to me, rest assured that I’ll always be there for you. I promise. Ai shiteru, Saikaku.
It was as if he had known all along that he would pass away.
"Saikaku…." His name escaped my throat. My knees buckled and I fell on the ground. I knelt on the soft grass, my hands clutching it, as I squeezed my eyes shut.
Again, I saw his face. He smiled at me, that sweet, friendly smile, the one that always made my heart melt.
I’d never see that smile again.
But the memory of his face is forever in me.
I was the one who cried the hardest in his funeral. It was even worse than the cries of his parents.
It was hard to tell them how he died. In the end, Koenma told them. It wasn’t completely a lie—he just didn’t tell them everything.
But I was there. I was the only one who saw that beast’s teeth sink into his body. I was the only one who witnessed his death.
And I was too helpless to help him.
It was all my fault.
He did it for me. He died trying to help me save my Toosan.
"It’s not your fault," Toosan had told me over and over again. But with guilt that never escaped my being, I wasn’t the one to listen.
It was the truth—it was my fault.
It had been a good long three months since he was buried. And as I visited his grave every day, I told him everything that had happened to me, and all that I was thinking.
And like a true friend that he had always been, he assured me. He also told me that it wasn’t my fault.
That was the only thing that I didn’t believe in.
It was my fault.
I gritted my teeth now. My wounds were gone, but the wound I got when I lost him was still fresh.
I didn’t even have the chance to say goodbye to him.
And I never told him how much I loved him.
I never ever said, "I love you" to him.
I punched the ground angrily. I didn’t know if I was more angry at him, for leaving me, or at myself, for not having told him. "Saikaku!" I shouted as if he could hear me. "Saikaku, why did you have to leave me here?!"
Then I lost my voice. Everything else came out as a whisper. "Saikaku…ai shiteru," I murmured as a tear trailed down the bridge of my nose.
"Yes. I know."
My eyes snapped open. Was it just a dream?
But the voice was real. It sounded like….
I turned around and winced. In the glare of the harsh lights that lined the parking lot, I saw a figure silhouetted in it.
He was wearing a blue jacket. He was tall.
"Why are you crying out here, Misako?" He asked. He walked forward and knelt down beside me.
And I saw his eyes.
Isozaki Saikaku.
I crawled backward. This is a ghost, I thought, panic-stricken. Saikaku is haunting me.
His hand shot out and suddenly grasped mine—firmly. His soft, warm fingers entwined with mine. They were solid. They were human.
"I see you’re wearing the necklace."
Finally finding my voice, I stuttered, "Wh-what…how…how did you…?"
He smiled. That friendly smile I longed to see in weeks. "Koenma had a hard time reincarnating me. My body was buried, so it had to be raised up."
My jaw dropped. "Y-your body isn’t…?"
He nodded somehow. "Yep. As soon as I was buried, Koenma took my body to the Reikai. There I had a series of tests to accomplish before I could come back. It was tough, but I got through."
"However did Koenma-san decided on reincarnating you?"
"He told me that my death wasn’t as it was listed in the Reikai files. That monster shouldn’t have snapped and we should have killed that beast together. But the thing that happened happened. You know."
I shook my head in disbelief. "And…what are you going to do now?"
He smiled again. "You know what, Misako? My life is like you father’s. I was reincarnated, and Koenma turned me into a Reikai tantei."
"A…Reikai tantei?"
"Yeah, just like you."
"So…we’re going to missions together?"
Saikaku stood up, pulling my hands. I stood up with him. "Yes," he murmured. "I’ll have more time with you from now on. And it’s going to be forever. I’m not going to leave you anymore."
The shattered pieces of my heart suddenly seemed to be glued together again as he said that.
I threw my arms over his shoulders and hugged him close. Another set of tears fell down, but this time, they weren’t the bitter tears I shed since the last three months. Now they tasted sweet. "Saikaku…."
"Misako—"
"Ai shiteru, Saikaku."
There.
I finally told him.
And he’s alive when I said it.
No amount of words can ever explain how I feel
for this guy, Isozaki Saikaku. My Saikaku.
<<chapter 16
epilogue >>