The Mukamu
by Jessica Brady
One breezy day, Jessie and James were riding in their funky balloon thing and occupying themselves quietly. Jessie was spraying can after can of hair spray on her helmet-head mane, and James was sniffing a random flower and looking romantic. Just as cherry blossoms were blowing all around his face and he was about to go into full-mode Bishonen, a speck appeared on the horizon. James' head popped up.
"Jessie!" he said. Jessie set her last can of hair spray on the table and looked at him.
"Jessie, I think I see that little brat and his Pikachu over in the valley over there! If we can pretend to be pokemon ourselves, we can sneak into their camp and--"
His partner in crime cut him in the middle of his sentence. "James. We're on our way to Cerulean City to duel for a water pokemon so we can actually have a change at stealing any others for our circus. We don't have time to be evil right now," she said gently. James looked crushed.
"But... we've... and they... but..." His eyes because huge and anime-watery. Jessie sighed and sat close to him. She patted his shoulder.
"Well, James, we can always come back... and I can keep you company for now..." she said, and moved close to him. James' eyes widened and he skittled backwards. He crouched in the corner. That was it. Jessie had been dealing with this for far too long. "For God's sake, James! Ever since that Brock joined their team all you've wanted to do is chase them all over the world with your idiot plans!"
James started to cry. Meowth laughed maniacally.
***
"All right, Pikachu, try this!" Ash Catchum cried, throwing his friend into the air. The pokemon let out a zap of electricity in mid-air, which spiraled around him until he glowed. With no target enemy to zap, the energy dissipated and was released into the atmosphere.
"That's great, Pikachu! Much more powerful than last time!" Misty congratulated. Pikachu smiled and "pika!"ed. "Where's dinner?" Misty asked.
Brock came out of the tent carrying a pot and a box of minute-rice.
"Hold your horses, you pigs! I'm making it already!" Suddenly, from across the field, something crashed around. "What the hell is that?!" Brock shouted, dropping the rice to the ground. Ash fell to his knees and sobbed over the rice, and Misty kicked him.
"You pathetic baby! Get up! Get up!" she screamed, kicking him again and again. For some reason this did not make Ash stand. Brock, ignoring the two, walked over to where he had heard the sound. From the trees, he felt a little leaf drop onto his head... followed by a huge animal resembling our favorite villian, James.
"Mukamu!" the animal said, enthusiastically. He looked to be about 5'9, with blue hair and an outfit with an R on the shirt. He was wearing a little beanie hat. *It must be a wild pokemon* thought Brock. Just as he was pondering that idea, another creature crashed through the same tree.
"Moo. Ka. Moo." it said, with about as much enthusiasm as an abercrombie checkout girl. This one was wearing a similar outfit and beanie hat, but the beanie had was atop a huge swirly helmet-like thing of hair. *Wow!* thought Brock. *Two wild pokemon in one day!* The one with the blue hair had already attached itself to him, and the red haired one was standing angrily at a distance.
Brock walked back to the tent as fast as he could with a pokemon in his arms who had to weigh at least 130 lbs. Affectionate little thing... Ash was crumbled underneath the rice-cooker, twitching. Misty was eating rice she had cooked up after she had read the directions. When she saw Brock, she dropped the chopsticks right away.
"What the hey are you doing with a member of Team Rocket in your arms?!?!" she screeched. Brock looked at her like she had just asked him why purple cows are always molesting people.
"What are you talking about?! This is a wild Pokemon. I think his name is Mukamu," Brock explained. "As you can clearly see, this pokemon wears a beanie, which Team Rocket surely does not. I'm going to report him to the official pokemon council. They'll be interested in a new kind of wild pokemon. I think that this one here is male, and that the red-haired one is his mate." Mukamu-male started to cough wildly, crossed his eyes, and made gagging noises. "And it looks like this one might be sick," rationalized Brock, patting the new pokemon's little beanie-head.
**
Brock finally left them alone, after tagging their ears with cute tiny bow-things so that he could identify them later. Jessie scowled and tugged at the annoying little trinket, but James seemed rather enchanted with his. The supposed female Mukamu spit out the remains of what Pokechow Ash had managed to shove down their throats.
"Now what do we do to get their pokemon..." Jessie pondered. James did not jump in with a stupid suggestion as usual, but rather, hummed a little song and sniffed at a rose. Jessie kicked his shins.
"Mukamu!" he screamed. Jessie scowled once more.
"Now, I saw we wait until they fall asleep, then sneak into their tent posing as sleepy Mukamu and steal their pokeballs! Bwa ho ho ho!" she chuckled. James sniffed some more. "BWA HO HO HO." she said a little more loudly.
"Oh, bwa ha ha ha," James nonchalantly giggled. Jessie sighed.
**
Later that night. The air was filled with the snores of both sleeping humans and pokemon. With the delicacy of the mysterious jungle moose Jessie and James slithered into the tent, amazingly remaining quiet so as not to awaken Pikachu. Jessie snuck tip-toe over to the satchel where the pokeballs were kept. She grabbed them and together she and James were just about out the door when James caught sight of Brock in his PJs.
"Brock..." he sighed.
Sirens went off. Pokemon screamed. Misty and Brock woke up, and Misty kicked Ash until he did as well.
"It's the Mukamu!" Brock shouted. Jessie swished her head to reply, but her beanie fell off.
It shattered to the ground in slow motion.
"It's a member of Team Rocket, and not a Mukamu at all!" shouted Brock, intelligently. "Mukamu-male, come over here where you'll be safe! Help your fellow pokemon!" James nodded frantically. "Muka!" he cried. He tried to snatch the satchel from Jessie.
"James, you idiot!" she schreked.
"James?!?" Everyone gasped.
Jessie tore the beanie off James' head. "Yes, it is us, Team Rocket. To save the world from devastation..."
Silence.
Silence.
"JAMES!!!" she bellowed. Ash wasted no time in this interval and threw Pikachu right at the two.
"Electric spiral, Pikachu!!" Pikachu gathered the energy all around him and zapped the heck out of Team Rocket. They soared into the air.
"It's enough to make you want to go straight!" cried James as they swiftly flew across the landscape.
"Then why DON'T you!" Jessie screamed back, whapping James upside the head.
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THE END