The Backstreet Boys Sears Commercial Incident
by Hikari (Bettina)

Notes: this fic is not at all serious in any way or form. Don’t take any of the writing the wrong way please, if I offend any of my readers in any way- I apologize. I wrote this just for laughs, that and I guess I have way too much time on my hands ^_^(). Oh yea… Hieiko-san you may put what ever works I come up with on your site, free to take as long as the pen name is somewhere there ^_~

Disclaimers: Blah, blah, blah …

Somewhere in the big big city of Irvine, CA; a fanfic writer writes painstakingly away for her favorite anime… and demon. ^_~

Hikari: Hiei-san, I just finished a parody. Take a look.

Hiei: ~~’ *SNATCHES THICK SHEETS OF STAPLED PAPER* WHAT THE $%^&* IS THIS????!!!!

Hikari: Well, remember that funky (my apologies to BSB fans out there, I’m not to fond of the group, but I must admit their CD millennium was pretty good) BSB commercial? Well, I thought it would be great if I put you in place of those guys. ^_^()

Hiei: Forget it, find yourself another demon. *prepares to flit out the window*

Hikari: I had a feeling you would say that, but Badtz –Badtz Maru ™ has a photo shoot. Besides, you don’t want me to take away your salary do you? *smiles evilly*

Hiei: I don’t care.

Hikari: I mean your other salary.

Hiei:*Whips head back* YOU WOULDN’T DARE!!!

Hikari: Oh, yes I would. No more Snickers® for you pal!

Hiei:~~’ Alright, fine I’ll do it- but I deserve a raise for this!

Hikari: Ok, nine boxes of Snickers®.

Hiei: Twenty.

Hikari: Fifteen.

Hiei: Eighteen.

Hikari: Seventeen and a roll of duck tape.

Hiei: O.o Duck tape?

Hikari:*scribbles on note pad, adjusting her glasses.* For Kazuma.

Hiei: Done.

Hikari: *smiles* Okay, here’s your script. Arigato.

Hiei: This better be worth it….

*****

Hiei: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!

Down the streets of Tokyo, an adorable, totally hot, well - built, handsome, cute little….

Hiei: HELLO??!! HIKARI I’D LIKE TO GET THIS DONE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!!

Err… right. ^_^() – cute little youkai is being chased by a mob of smitten teenaged girls.

Girl 1: He’s mine!!!!

Girl 2: Back off girl!! Who ever gets him first gets to keep him!!!

Girl 34567890123: You’re on!!!

Hiei:*looks up at sky* Can’t I use my Kakuryhuua?

Nope.

Hiei: *looks back* AHHHHH!!!!

Completely shocked as to how any of the otaku(s) spotted him, Hiei dashed along the crowded streets and alleys- hoping to find some chance of escape. That’s when he spotted Kurama.

Hiei: Kurama! Get on your cycle now!!!

Kurama: Huh? Why?

Hiei: *Grabs his arm to bring him to his eye level, and twists the top of his head with his hand* LOOK!!!

Girl 3465447: There he is!!!

Girl 14: Oh… look at the cutie he’s with!!!

Girl 490: Wow! A two for one pack! This must be my lucky day!

Kurama: O_O

Hiei: Right! Move it! *DRAGS KURAMA TO HIS MOTOR BIKE*

Kurama: *sits on front and starts it up* How’d this happen?!

Hiei: … *holds onto the bikes rear handle bar*

Bike: GRMMMMMM……

Kurama: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING????!!!!

Hiei:*searching through Kurama’s hair* I’m looking for that damn rose whip of yours!

Kurama: HEY! I RESENT THAT REMARK! REMEMBER WHO’S DRIVING THIS THING!!!

Girl 56: That speed cycle won’t stop us!!! * schoolgirl giggle bit*

Hiei: *Throws out sun flower seeds*

Girl 75: OH MY GOD!!! THESE SEEDS BELONG TO THE KITSUNE! AND HIEI TOUCHED THEM!!!!! *dives after the seeds, followed by a fraction of the group*

Hiei:* throws out rose petals, bamboo leaves, carnations, etc.* How the heck do you wash your hair?!

Kurama: ^_^()

Hiei: What’s this?? *pulls a big-ass microwave from Kurama’s locks*

Kurama: So that’s where it went…

Hiei: *throws microwave at mob*

Kurama: HEY! That was a gift for my kaasan!!!!! *eyes turn to flames*

Hiei: (evidently doesn’t notice) Here it is! *pulls out rose whip and throws it at lamppost, the speed of their cycle making the post topple over* That should slow them down!

Kurama:* points in front* Look! We can hide in that mall!

Bringing their cycle to a sudden stop, Hiei and Kurama leap off their bike and sprint for the stores. Half an hour later, Kurama comes out wearing gothic attire, and Hiei is wearing…

Hiei: DO I HAVE TO WEAR OSH’KOSH B’ GOSH OVERALLS™??!!!! I LOOK LIKE A FREAKIN’ TWO YEAR OLD!!!!!

Kurama: *snickers* well, this way they won’t recognize you.

Hiei: *surrounded by an ominous black aura* OH YEAH?? WELL I BET THEY’LL RECOGNIZE YOUR HAIR!!! *pulls out katana*

Kurama:*gulp* now wait a minute… *backs up*

Hiei:@_@ hehehehehehehehe…..

~~Scenery suddenly switches to the moonlit sky.~~

Kurama: AHHHH! MY HAIR!!! ;_; *falls to ground picking up the newly sliced strands*

Hiei: Hn! Relax, Hikari will speed grow your hair back for you in her next fic.

Kurama:* starry eyed* really??

Gee, I don’t know… you look awfully kawaii with short hair.

Kurama: *falls over*

Girl 999: Look there they are!!

Hiei: How did they find us?!

Kurama: *clears throat and points at Hiei’s kawaii butt*

Hiei: *looks behind to find flashing lights reading: Products of Yu Yu Hakusho- Hiei™* Stupid disclaimers!!!! >_<

Kurama: Ugh.. don’t make that face Hiei, it makes you look constipated. *winces squeamishly*

Hiei: SHUT UP!!!!!!

Girl 678: Wow!!! Kurama-chan looks soooooo HOT in black leather!

Girl 749: Awwww! Look at Hiei-chan! *jumps around and giggles* Hiei and Kurama: ~~’

To their dismay, the mob grows even larger. Closer and closer they come, ready to spring on their dream hunks and chain them to their bedroom walls for life. Hiei and Kurama back up and run for their lives, pushing all the shoppers down- Kurama apologizing, Hiei glaring.

Ryoko: Hey, watch it you lil’ punk!! *goes heart eyed*

Kurama: Gomen ne, excuse me. *pushes past Ryoko*

Ryoko:*Turns around and spies huge mob of Hiei and Kurama fans* Well, this seems like fun!!! *joins the growing mob and notices that Sailor Bonz, Hikari (writing as she’s chasing in her raven youkai form), Selphie (yup that’s you Leah-chan!), Kiyone (a product of Bonz-chan ^_~), Akisu (another product of Bonz-chan), Sayuri (final product of Bonz-chan), Shayla, Miz, Afura (from El Hazard ™), all the sailor soldiers™, the whole cast of AHHH! My Goddesses™!, etc. are also in the crowd.*

Hiei: Kurama look an exit! *points to a door*

Completely winded, Kurama and Hiei stagger to the door. Going through, the two friends are surprised to find that the other side of the exit is pitch black.

Kurama:Oi! Hiei, summon your fire. I can’t see anything.

Hiei: *summons fire*

Hiei and Kurama:o_o

The door the two youkais went through wasn’t an exit, but a room- a room filled with… puffins??

All the puffins: *go heart eyed* Squawk! Squawk!

Hiei and Kurama: ;_;

Kurama: this isn’t fair! This just isn’t fair!!

Hiei:…

Kurama: *throws fist into air, shaking it* Damn you!

Hiei:…

The puffins squawk with enthusiasm, moving inch by inch to their victims, completely love-struck. From behind the mob is growing nearer and nearer- the girls putting on their make-up and squirting on at least 500 gallons of perfume.

Hiei: *puts on blindfold and lights cigarette*

Kurama: *prepares to hang self with a piece of rope he found on the floor*

Before either side could attack the two bishonens, and before they could even kill themselves- the room is enveloped with a brilliant white light.

*****

Hiei: Huh? Where are we? *takes off blind fold and looks around*

Hikari: Your in my office. *swivels around to face them from chair*

Kurama: but how..

Hiei: You rewrote the script?

Hikari: Yup *reaches under table to pull out seventeen boxes of Snickers® and duck tape, as promised* Here you go Hiei-chan, just what you requested.

Hiei: *rips open a box violently, annihilating three bars*

Kurama: Hey!!!! What do I get???!!!

Hikari: *takes out note pad and writes something*

Like magic, Kurama’s red tresses grow to their original length.

Hiei: *munch munch* see, I told you. Your hair is back. *swallow*

Hikari: hehehehehehehehehehehe @_@

Kurama and Hiei: O.o o.O

Hikari: You have forgotten one very important element… *holds out keys to her office, then has her pet ravens devour them* CAUGHT YOU.

Hiei and Kurama: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!! KOENMA-SAMA!!!!

*****

jeez, that was a waste *sighs* oh well

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