Parody of a Parody: Revenge
by Shirin
"Hiei! Look at that! I've been turned into a cow!" Kurama cried, his face faulting as he read the message on the screen.
"Hn!" The fire demon answered creatively. "Is that all? Just a cow?"
"Hiei! How could you?" the redhead sobbed. He shook his head unbelievingly as he reread the message. For the sixth time. "A cow..." he muttered. "And I said 'Moo'," he sobbed. "What did I ever do to them?"
Behind him, the fire demon yawned. "What's a cow compared to being poisoned, raped and killed?" he asked resignedly. "Face it, Kurama. These fic writers call the shots. We can't do anything. They're more omniscient than Enma-Daioh himself!"
The redhead pouted, crossing his arms as he stared at the screen. "You can add cross-dressing to that list," he ventured.
"NANI???!!?" Hiei flew to where the half-youko sat. His eyes bugged out when he read the message that had kept Kurama riveted for the past few minutes.
"A MILKMAID???"
"Heh! Hiei! Shiori-kaasan had plates that looked just like your eyes. Pity I broke them, though."
"They turned me into a milkmaid! They made me look like a woman!" the fire demon screamed into Kurama's ear.
It flew off.
"Well, they would have made me into one," Kurama replied, not noticing the loss of his organ.
"Oops! Sorry..."
"What? I can't hear you!"
"Umm.." Hiei stuck Kurama's ear back on.
"Moshi!" Kurama and Hiei turned to look at the newcomer.
Yusuke.
"Wai! Surfing again, eh? Found any interesting sites?" the boy asked, coming over to the computer.
"No," Kurama moaned. "I was checking that ML again. They made me a cow."
"Oh? They gave you a cow? That was nice of them," Yususke grinned.
"No! They_ MADE_ ME_INTO_ A_ COW!" the redhead screamed again. Hiei wondered why Kurama's tonsils didn't fly out like his ear did. Hmmm...probably all that tea and lemon he drinks.
"And they killed you," he continued.
Yusuke sweatdropped.
"They killed ME? But I'm the hero of this series!" he sputtered. "They can't kill me!"
"They did." Hiei and Kurama chorused, expressions bland.
"Why didn't they just kill Kuwabara?" Yusuke pleaded.
"They did that too," Hiei said dryly. "They used the bookshelf as a murder weapon."
"Oi! And don't forget what *you* did," Kurama poked at Hiei, jabbing at the fire demon with his fingers.
"I didn't! Those people did!" Hiei pointed at the screen. "And you killed my sister!"
"Well, she killed you!"
"No, she didn't!"
"Yes, she did!"
"No, she-"
Suddenly a breeze blew from a nearby window and a thin sheet fluttered into the room.
"Kuwabara???"
"Hai! It is I, the Great Kuwabara Kazuma! I have been assassinated by a silver dragon," the thin sheet moaned. "Somebody blow me up," the fluttery sheet begged.
"No problem," Hiei replied. "JAOH ENSATSU KOKURYUUHAA!"
The thin sheet became thinner.
Kurama and Yusuke sweatdropped.
"Waaa!" Kurama wailed, pointing at the screen again as a new mail was posted. "They've got another one! They've recruited another evil fic writer! Woe is me!"
"Hey! What about us?" Yusuke asked, hurt.
"Oh! Heh! Heh! G-Gomen!" SD Kurama replied, sweatdropping.
A lot of sweatdrops fell in that room. A little chibi-person dropped out of hammerspace, tsking agitatedly.
"Wai! Sensei would never stand this!" She whipped out a can of air freshener and promptly sprayed everyone.
"Ack! Who're you?" Yusuke gasped. Kurama was turning green and Hiei was turning purple. Yusuke just looked grey. Kuwabara? He was a thin sheet. His nostrils didn't have anything to worry about. Hell, he had *no* nostrils at the moment.
"I am the chibi-person of WhiteCat sensei. I - Eeep!" The little chibi-person hopped into her kasa as Hiei lunged at her.
"She's from the ML!!! She's a SPYYYYY!!!" Hiei screeched.
"Waaa! Too dangerous!" With that the chibi-person, and her kasa, disappeared back into hammerspace.
"We have to put a stop to this, you know," Kurama said thoughtfully.
"Yes," Yusuke moaned. "It's spreading like a virus."
"That's IT!" Kurama jumped up, causing Hiei to topple head over heels on the floor.
"A virus!"
His fingers flew over the keyboard for a few moments.
"Hee! They'll never know what hit them," he giggled.
After a few minutes, Kurama leaned back in his seat, satisfied.
"There! I've loaded a virus into the ML. Now as soon as they download this e-mail, their mailboxes will go on strike!"
"So?" Hiei asked from the floor.
"So they won't have functioning mailboxes. They'll swell up and explode. And that will make people stop posting! Mwahahaha! I'm a genius!!!"
Again, Kurama and Hiei sweatdropped. Kuwabara *would* sweatdrop, if he could. But then, thin sheets do not have sweat glands. Besides, who'd hang him out to dry? Definitely not Yukina.
"So you say their computers would conk out when they download this message?" Yusuke eeped.
"Yes!" Kurama grinned, rubbing his hands together in his best mad scientist imitation. "And to make revenge sweeter, I'll disguise the message! Bwahaha! I'll put 'FIC' in the heading. And I'll make it seem like one of them sent it! Mwahaha!"
Hiei looked at Yusuke. Yusuke looked at Hiei.
"You have nice eyes," Hiei said.
"So do you," Yusuke replied, gulping.
"You look nervous," Hiei leered, reaching out to check Yusuke's pulse.
"Ulp!"
"Hiei! Quit that!" Kurama scolded, turning from his monitor.
"But..." A sudden barrage of lemons fell on top of the three boys.
"Damn! Those fic writers are at it again!" Kurama mooed.
"What?!?" Hiei and Yusuke couldn't believe their ears. Lemons they could handle - Heck! Sometimes it was fun! - but Kurama mooing?
"Moo?" Kurama looked at them piteously. "What?"
"You mooed!!!" Hiei and Yusuke started to turn SSD.
"Waaa! That Moo virus is catching!" Kurama wailed! "I can't help myself! Moo!"
"It's a spell! It has to be a spell!" Yusuke screeched. "That's the only thing that can cut across the 'Net like that! Moo!"
"AAAAAA!!!" Hiei jumped ten feet in the air, knocked his head on the ceiling and fell down in a heap of confused fire demon.
"You...you mooed too," Hiei gasped, pointing a shaking finger at Yusuke.
Yusuke looked at Hiei. Kurama looked at Hiei. They looked at each other.
"Moo?"
Yusuke eeped. And mooed some more.
Hiei groaned, mooed and promptly expired on the floor.
"Great! Just great" Kurama huffed. "Another body on the floor. Moo."
"Here!" Yusuke grabbed at a thin, fluttering sheet hovering in the background. "You can use this."
"Saa! Thanks!" Kurama draped Kuwabara over Hiei's still body. "Heh! Kuwabara dies look good there, eh?"
"Moo!" the thin sheet moaned.
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