Spatulas and Sugar
chapter 1-10
by Mandy / M.E.
Chapter 1: Sugar!
Kurama watched as Hiei consumed the ice cream set in front of him. He wondered how long Hiei had had to search to find an ‘all you can eat’ ice cream parlor. That must be what he did with his free time...
“Look Jean! An ice cream place! Can we have some? Puleeeeess?” An annoying voice assailed Kurama’s ears. He sighed. Little kids were cute but long ago he had discovered that Hiei was not the type of demon who enjoyed the younger generation. Kurama turned around, he figured he might as well see what the children looked like...
“NO Mandy! No more sugar for you!” A sweet but stern voice admonished. Kurama gasped as an angel came into view. It HAS to be an angel, he told himself, nothing else could be so beautiful.
“Puleeeeess Jean? You said that we could get something special if we ever got a vacation,” a teenage girl with really long hair pleaded.
Kurama was amazed. The owners of the voices were all teenagers, except for the angel of course, she was timeless. How could people that old act so young?
Hiei continued to scarf down the sweet, sticky cream as one of the girls slid into a seat next to him. The ‘angel’ sat down next to Kurama. “Jean, if you don’t buy us sugar we’ll be forced to... SCREAM!!!” The one called ‘Mandy’ showed off the wonderful capacity of her lungs. The ‘angel’ sighed, and placed some coins on the counter.
“YAY!!! WE GET WONDERFULLY LARGE AMOUNTS OF SUGAR!!!” The two other girls shouted, bouncing uncontrollably in their seats.
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Mandy looked at the little boy occupying the seat next to her. She turned to Anne, who was sitting to her left. “Anne, look at the little kid! Isn’t he so kawaii?!” She exclaimed, clapping her hands. Anne nodded her head, then turned to the guy behind the counter and told him sweetly that he had better serve her her ice cream-NOW! Mandy patted the boy on the head, “You’re so cute! How old are you? Nine? I didn’t know that ‘fros were in with such a young age group,” she smiled her winning smile, the one that made babies stop crying (some said they stopped crying because Mandy scared them speechless, Mandy liked to believe that it was because she had a thing with little kids.)
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Kurama glanced nervously at the girl who sat next to Hiei. He turned to the angle who was sitting to his right, and stuttered nervously, “Uhhhh, do, do y, you th, think its safe for your friend to talk to Hiei?”
The girl glanced at her annoying, orange clad friend, “Don’t worry. Mandy is capable of taking care of herself. She has a knack with children.”
Kurama nodded nervously.
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Mandy looked over the little kid’s head at Kurama. “Your little boy is so kawaii. I bet you are a very proud mother.”
The ‘little boy’ shot a lighting fast punch in the direction of Mandy’s head, not even looking up from his ice cream. Mandy grabbed his wrist, quickly twisting the arm behind his back in with a death grip. “Naughty naughty. Didn’t your mommy teach you it’s not polite to try to knock the head off of unstable people dressed in orange?” She smiled sweetly.
Jean sighed, “Knock it off Mandy. You don’t want Fred to get mad at you for intimidating the natives again, do you?” She glanced down at her watch, “Speaking of Fred, she said she wanted us back by four. Something about teaming up with another group.”
Mandy pouted, releasing the arm. She hopped off the stool headed for the door. There she pulled out a large spatula and proceeded to hop on and fly off. Anne did the same thing, and the Jean, except Jean had a broom instead of a spatula.
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Woah, Kurama thought, what was that? That weird girl had been as fast as, no faster than, Hiei. The really strange thing had been when they had flown off on the spatulas. Except for the angel, she had been riding a broom. Did that make her a witch? His head hurt.
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Hiei looked dazed. How could that girl be so fast? The whole thing was sooo well, weird! But the very nerve of that girl! Calling him a ‘little boy’! Why she had even said that, that, Kurama was his mother! How gross could someone get?
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Yusuke stuck his head through the door. “Hey guys! Botan sent me. She said that Koenma wants to talk to us. Something about some guy named Fred?” He watched as Kurama and Hiei got up and walked over to the door. Yusuke wondered if they were okay, they looked kind of dazed.
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Chapter 2: Fred, the All Mighty Goddess
Jean glared at Fred. Sometimes the goddess of weird was just to serious for her own good. Times like this. “What’s the idea of teaming Mandy and Anne up with these strange Reikai investigators or whatever they are.” Fred rubbed her temple, ugh, she thought, whoever said that being an all mighty being was wonderful, never tried to actually BE one! “I know, I know. It’s just that Koenma figured it would be faster if we all teamed up on this assignment. Anyway, you guys need the practice. You’ve been getting way to serious and normal lately. You don’t want to give the weird world a bad rep, do you?”
Sighing, Jean nodded, “I just don’t see why they still need a chaperone. They are in high school now, don’t you trust them?” She followed Fred’s gaze to her charges. They were arguing about whether Mandy should be allowed to use her carrot bombs on this assignment. Mandy won the argument by throwing one of the items under discussion at her weird partner. The room exploded in a burst of orange goo. A large sweat drop appeared on Jean’s head, she looked back at Fred, “Forget I asked.” She grumbled, pulled out her broom, and started to clean up the mess.
“Oh leave that alone, I’ll clean it up later. You three better get going,” Fred sighed again, she needed a vacation.
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Chapter 3: Woah, Could You Repeat That? I Didn’t Quite Catch it the First Time
Koenma glanced at the team over the large stacks of paperwork on his desk. “Okay, let me try it a third time. Apparently, some demons have started up a weird chain of stores around town. People go in through the front but don’t come out that way. Instead, they end up in the weird world, ruled by the Goddess Fred. Unfortunately, these people are not weird enough for the weird world, and it is now fading out of existence because the balance of weird has been upset. Hiei, I want you to go with Kuwabara and track down the demon’s stores. Yusuke, Kurama. You two will go with the guides and gather up the wandering people in weird world.” Yusuke looked at Koenma nervously, “Ummm, are you sure it’s a good idea to team Hiei up with Kuwabara? They might, uhh, create more trouble than solve it.”
Koenma nodded his head, “You’re right. You go with Kuwabara, Hiei can go with Kurama.”
Yusuke and sighed, relieved, and set off with Kuwabara. Kurama looked at Koenma nervously, “Uhhh, what was that you said about guides...?”
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WHAM! Ugghh, Mandy thought, I’ve got to work on my landing. She watched as Jean and Anne settled quietly on the floor. The three girls looked around. Mandy squealed (note from author: Mandy does not really squeal, she just does for the benefit of this story), and ran towards a desk. She started cooing at how cute the toddler behind the desk was. Jean rolled her eyes.
“YIPE!” Mandy jumped back as the little boy turned into a teenager.
“Ohhh, you must be Koenma. Fred said that you were always experiencing a second childhood.” She looked around, then bowed. “Mandy, head guide of weird world. These are my companions, Anne (she’s the one who looks like Rapunzel), who is also a guide, and Jean, who is our chaperone.” Kurama’s eyes widened. They were the same girls from the ice cream parlor. And they had to work with them. His head ached.
Mandy glanced at Hiei, “Oh, hi again. If I hurt your arm earlier, I’m sorry. I act really weird when I’m on a sugar low.” She turned to Kurama, “Hi! You must be Kurama! Fred briefed us on the situation. Sorry if I implied that you were a girl earlier.”
Koenma looked back and forth, “Chaperone?” He asked nervously.
Jean stepped forward. “Yep. That’s me. Fred got tired of having Mandy and Anne getting in to trouble so she hired me to make sure they don’t get into trouble.”
Hiei glared at the girls. “Stupid girls. Hn.”
Mandy looked around, “Ooops. Forgot.” She closed her eyes.
The rest of the room stared as her her lengthened and turned from light brown to a sticking orange. “Much better. Now I can get more done. Come on slow pokes, let’s go.” She pulled out her spatula and flew off.
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Chapter 4: Ahhhh, Young Love
Kurama couldn’t believe his ears. “Hop on. You don’t want to walk, do you?” The voice repeated. He watched as the angel, no, he told himself, her name was Jean, he watched as Jean gestured towards her broom. He hesitated but finally mounted.
“Ummm, how do I hold on?” He couldn’t grab the handle, not unless he move back some.
Jean turned her head slightly, smiling. “Just put your arms around my waist,” she said softly. He blushed and embraced her torso. They were off! Do to inertia, as the broom flew through the air, Jean was pushed back against Kurama. Jean snuggled against the fox demon, smiling. He was blushing so hard she could feel the heat on her neck. She seemed to have that effect on guys. “So, aren’t you going to ask me about weird world?” “Uhh, I just assumed that it’s really weird there,” Kurama felt weird himself. Why was he reacting to this girl this way?
“Well you’re right about it being weird of course. The whole place is just, well, weird. It’s a wonder that they have law and order of any kind,” she added thoughtfully, “Well, actually, I guess it isn’t so strange. Weird people tend to be pretty nice and they only get in trouble when they’re to weird, like Anne and Mandy. Especially Mandy.” “So, how come you work for weird world?” Kurama questioned, “You seem pretty normal to me.”
“Oh, I’m weird all right. I just don’t show it as much. Fred, the head honcho in weird world, decided to make me chaperone for Mandy and Anne because, while they’re good girls and all, trouble seems to follow them like a dog.” She whispered quietly to Kurama, “Actually, I think I work for weird world not really because I am weird, but because I makes others act weird,” she grinned at him, “ ‘specially boys.” Kurama blushed again.
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Chapter 5: History Lesson
Anne sighed, and gestured towards Hiei, “You, gloomy guy. Hop on.”
Hiei grunted and shook his head no.
“Okay, walk to weird world for all I care. Jean isn’t going to take you, she’s already has one passenger.” Anne watched as Jean flew off with Kurama sitting behind her on the broom. Hiei sighed and slid onto the spatula. They flew off.
Those dopes, Anne thought grudgingly, they were going to leave poor Hiei behind. Well, at least she had realized the situation and offered him a ride. She glanced back at the other passenger of the over-sized spatula. His red eyes swept over the passing scenery with a determined look in them. She wondered what he was thinking...
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Hiei glared at the landscape. How come Koenma always found an assignment for them just when he was beginning to enjoy himself? He hadn’t nearly had ‘all the ice cream he could eat!’ Now he was stuck riding behind some deranged girl on an oar or something! So what if this ‘weird world’ was fading out of existence. Why was there a weird world in the first place? It wasn’t like there needed to be one. But if there wasn’t a separate world for all the weirdoes, he realized, then normal people would have to put up with them. He shuddered at the thought.
As if reading his mind, the girl in front of him started to speak quietly, “Actually the fact that weird world is very important. All the ‘normal’ inhabitants, or ‘weirdoes’, of weird world are in grave danger. You see, weird world has a self-destruct mechanism. If the weird content of weird world drops to low, then it starts to disappear, along with all the weirdoes.” She held up her hand. “See?”
Hiei nodded, yes, he could see the problem, or rather, he couldn’t see it. Her hand was becoming see through. He could see flashes of what was beyond the hand every so often. How sad, that so many people would just disappear. He quickly pushed that lost thought to the back of his mind, where had it come from?!
“I know you think it’s silly and all, but you must realize the kind of impact that the weird world has on the human world,” she continued, “long ago it was decided that life was to serious. The gods, or whatever you want to call them, created the weird world to avoid people from dyeing from lack of amusement.” Anne smiled weakly, “The Goddess Fred was put in charge of the weird world and instructed to pick out some of the weirdest humans and cultivate them. These people would become the guides to the weird world. Their job was to go out in the human world and spread weirdness when life got to serious.”
Hiei grunted, “At which point you were employed.” Anne looked confused, “Why no. How could I have been working since then? Why, I’d be over six thousand years old! No one could live that long. People only live about a hundred years, max. I’m just fourteen.” “Yeah, but you’re a demon, right?”
Anne smiled, “Yup. That means I get to risk my neck for other people. Terrible life. cuts your life span in half.” She paused a moment, doing mental arithmetic, “Which means that I’ll live to be about, oh, I dunno, forty or so. My friend Mandy, who is a unique carrot demon, will probably live as long as 45. Jean works half time so she might reach 70.”
Hiei stared at the guide in front of him. An average life span of fifty years? Wow, that was pretty young, he was, well it didn’t matter how old he was, he thought, snorting, but he did know that he was a lot older than this girl. He decided to play a trick on her, “Bet you can't guess how old I am,” he scoffed. She turned her head to look at him, “Way older than me, probably. I hear that weird world demons have way shorter life spans than any other type of demon. I’m lucky, I get nine.” “Nine? Nine what?”
Anne grinned, “Lives. I’m a cat demon.”
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Chapter 6: Window Shopping.
Yusuke trudged along with Kuwabara. “Great,” he said gloomily, kicking some gravel, “here we’re trying to find some shops that are supposed to open to the ‘weird world’ and we’re not given any clues. What to look for, what to avoid, what to do if we find one...” Kuwabara looked around, “One would think that if they shops open into the weird world then the shops would be weird.” “Yeah, you said that already, just how do we tell regular weird shops from demon infested weird shops?”
WHOOSH! A girl dressed strangely settled down in front of them. She was dressed in all orange and had long, flowing, orange hair. She smiled, “Sounds like you guys need a weird sensor. Fred figured you might need one so she sent me.”
Both boys stared.
“Wow. I wish I had a camera. This is the first time I’ve ever seen anyone of the opposite sex openly stare at me.”
“Who, who are you?” Yusuke tried to keep his voice steady. This had to be the most brightly dressed girl he had ever seen...
“
“Did she take a breath?” Yusuke whispered to Kuwabara as the followed her down the street.
“I don’t thinks so.” Both boys were starting to think that this would have been a good day to stay home sick.
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Mandy walked along, feeling the shops for extreme weirdness. Boys! She was going to get Fred for teaming her up with worthless boys. Members of the opposite sex always acted like such idiots. At least she didn’t have the same affect on them that Jean did, that would be just plain disgusting.
“whuuu,” she stopped, gasping for air.
“Umm, are you all right?” The big idiot with the orange hair was leaning over her.
“Yes, it’s just that that store is so, so, so serious...” How could they not feel it?
“So?” The one with black hair walked up.
“LISTEN JERKS! I’M NOT GOING TO REVIEW THE PLOT JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T BEEN FOLLOWING ALONG! READ YOUR STUPID @##$%*(^! SCRIPTS!”
(short interlude....)
(okay, medium-long interlude...)
(wait a minute, I’ll find those stupid characters. Hey you guys! Get yer lazy butts over here.! Heh, heh. Sorry about that, the actors decided to take a break, well, on with the show!)
“Oh my gosh! How can you stand it? This must be one of those portal stores,” Yusuke gasped.
“Can the sarcasm jerk,” Mandy glared at him, “Of course it’s one of the shops we’re looking for! mumble...idiots...jerks...mumble...hn, boys.”
“So now what?” Kuwabara asked, scratching his head.
“Look, just for the benefit of your slow working pea sized brains, I will try to explain the plan in short, easy to follow words. Raise you hand if you have any questions. No? Very well, let us begin. We...will...beat up/injure/kill/decapitate (that means removing their head morons!)...the...demons...when...we...find...them. Understand?” “Yes mommy,” Yusuke and Kuwabara answered in unison. “Smart allecks. The only reason you’re not pancakes at this moment is that it might be handy to have some back up that’s not beat up. Come on let’s go in.”
“I think she has a serious problem with people of the opposite sex,” Yusuke whispered to Kuwabara as they entered the store.
“I think she has a serious problem with people, period,” Kuwabara confided.
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Chapter 7: Thoip?1
“Goody. Mandy gets to beat up/destroy the bad guys and we get round up wandering people,” Jean grumbled. She had been hoping to do some actual exciting stuff, not just be a sheep dog, gathering up people who had strayed from the rest of the flock.
“Umm, Jean, you make it sound like you actually wanted to do the dangerous stuff,” Anne said nervously.
“So, what do we do with the people when we find them?” Kurama questioned.
“Oh, we just send them through a weird swirly thing (note from the author: weird swirly things are dimensional portals). They will then arrive wherever they were before they ended up in the weird world. And, since we want to avoid unnecessary plot complications, they will forget they were ever here,” Anne explained.
“If we split up, we can get stuff done faster,” Jean pointed out. “I’ll go with Kurama, Anne, you can go with Hiei.”
“Ummm, Jean, can I talk to you for a moment?” Kurama asked nervously.
Jean sighed, “Okay, what is it?”
“Umm, aren’t you supposed to keep track of Anne or something so that she doesn’t get in trouble?”
“Oh, that’s only when we’re not in the weird world.”
“Okay, I guess...”
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“I really think she’s insane,” Yusuke whispered to Kuwabara. “I mean, what sane person would walk right into the enemy’s territory?”
“You,” Kuwabara pointed out. “Don’t make me name all the times you’ve done the same thing.”
“Is this a private degrading session or can anyone join?” Mandy asked sweetly.
“Uhhhhhhh.”
“Don’t worry. I know I’m unstable. I also know what I’m doing. Do either of you happen to be the owners of a Veggo-Matic or a sharp weapon like a sword?”
“Uhhhhhhh.”
“Sigh. I have to do everything, don’t I?” Mandy started weaving her hands majestically. She grinned, evilly. “CARROT BALL!” Several orange balls appeared in her hands. “Here, each of you take some. Throw them at anything that moves. The ball works for about an hour or so and then wears off.”
“Ummmm, how come you get more than us?” Kuwabara asked stupidly.
“Use your head mister. This way I’ve got more balls than either of you,” she smiled and entered the building.
“Did she really want us with her to help fight or to be her straight men I wonder?” Yusuke pondered as he followed the girl.
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THOIP!
THOIP!
THOIP!
THOIP!
Mandy sighed contentedly as she changed the carrot-turned-demons into salad. Was there any sweeter sound than the explosion of a carrot ball?
(note from author: in case you have never read stories with Mandy in them before, carrot balls turn their victims into large carrot with limbs.) Now if only there could be action like this more often...
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Chapter 8: Time is Running Out for Our Gallant Young Heroines!
Kurama followed Jean as they made their way through the weird world. Weird world didn’t look very weird, it just looked, well, dingy. They were having a hard time finding any of the wandering people. Supposedly the number of illegal immigrants was around 50, but they had only found 10 after several hours of searching.
“Whhh,” Jean gasped, collapsing to the ground. Kurama was worried, she was getting worse by the minute, now only a shade remained of her once joyful person. She was fading away with the weird world...
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Hiei kicked at the fallen form of his partner. His foot went right through. Great, he thought, just great. We’ve only found 11 people and now she decides to become a ghost. He would go find Kurama, but he couldn’t just leave Anne here to die, and since she now had no real physical form, he couldn’t carry her... What to do, what to do...
“Anne! Oh I’m so sorry old buddy! I fought as hard as I could, but it didn’t work, you’re dyeing,” a figure stepped out of the gloom.
“Mandy?” Hiei asked.
“Who did you think I was dimwit? Zeus?” Mandy hit him on the head.
“Who’s Zeus?”
Mandy sighed, she really didn’t have the time for this. “Listen bub. I can give Anne a body for about an hour, it just won’t be a very good one and she won’t have any powers.”
“Hn.”
THOIP!
“Oh my deity of choice!” Yusuke gasped, “You turned her into a carrot!”
“MANDY!!!! You have some serious explaining to do!” Anne glared at her friend, trying to look imposing as a carrot.
“Uhhh, later. Yusuke, you take a ball and find Kurama, he’s probably with Jean. Give her a body and then come back here. I’m going to find Fred.”
As they watched Mandy fly off on her spatula, Hiei turned to Yusuke,
“Hn, where’s the carrot-topped idiot?”
“She just left,” Yusuke shrugged going off to look for Kurama and Jean.
“Not her! The other one!” Hiei shouted.
“Oh, Kuwabara? We could only fit two people on the spatula and I was lighter.”
“Oh.”
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Chapter 9: That’s the Bad Guy?! Puuuleeeese!
Mandy glared at the boy. “Come on piggy, let Fred go, that’s a good little bacon.” She tried to coax the boy into letting loose her employer. It had been hard to believe when she had entered the room that that was the bad guy. Of course it didn’t help that he was holding Fred hostage. “Come Bordem, let Fred go...”
“NO! Listen to what I have to say!” The flushed little guy glared at her, “The world isn’t a safe place with all this crazy WEIRD around?! I mean, what else could I do to get rid of all the weird and save the world?” He was close to tears.
Great, thought Mandy, he thinks that he’s doing this for the good of mankind. What and idiot.
“Fred, you realize that I’m doing this for your own good?” Mandy asked as she started moving her hands.
“Do what you have to,” Fred gasped, “I can always take a shower later.
ZOICK!
The room exploded in a display of orange goo. Bordem Hoggie looked like he had fallen into a vat of pureed carrots.
Fred glanced to the side as she put him in a death grip,
“EWWWWW.”
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Chapter 10: Oh, So You’re Finally Going to End It
“Okay, so Bordem really is insane,” Jean looked at the chained little man.
“I always suspected it,” Mandy sniffed.
“So what’s his punishment?” Anne questioned.
Fred smiled, “Wonderfully weird idea. I got it from a cartoon. We’re going to dress him up like a mime and put him in a glass box on some street corner.”
“EXCELLENT...”
“So Jean, how are you going to celebrate?” Kurama asked nervously.
She smiled, “Well, now that I’m no longer a carrot,” she glared at Mandy, “I think I’d like to have some quiet time...” Kurama blushed and led her out of the room.
“Hey Hiei, want to get some ice cream?” Anne piped up.
“Hn!”
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Yusuke watched as the couples moved off, “So Mandy, how come you didn’t fade/”
“Ummm, well you know the carrot demon thing? When I’m in my demon form I’m an actual vegetable. Vegetables don’t have ghosts or fade or anything...” She shrugged. “So what are you going to do?” “Umm, well I kind of had a date with Keiko...” Yusuke rubbed his neck. “Bye, if you see Kuwabara tell him we should have a reunion sometime. He’s a good straight man.”
Mandy watched as Yusuke walked off. Strange that she felt wonderful seeing Anne and Hiei go together...
Oh well...
Note from author: the people who didn’t belong in the weird world were eventually shipped out. For you people who haven’t read a story be Me before, Bordem Hoggie is the arch-nemisis of Mandy, Anne, and Jean.
Note: Kurama, Kuwabara, Yusuke, Koenma, Botan, and Hiei belong to Yoshihiro Togashi. Me belongs to Myself. Fred belongs to herself. The weird world belongs to Fred, Mandy, Anne, and Jean.
Mandy
jam@mac-addict.com