UGMA/OLA War Chronicles -- Chapter 9

Date: Sun, 12 Jan 1997 16:30:42 -0800 (PST)
To: ranma@usagi.jrd.dec.com
From: Insane-kun
Subject: Death of the Axe Woman! The end has arrived!

I have another applicant to the 13ULGMA! My forces shall defeat you, WebDragon! Kasumi(2) shall be no more! Ahahahahahahahaha! Prepare to die, Axe-girl! Justicar, with your Gauss AutoCannons(which the UPS guy just delivered), and Sitai Kel, with your throwing Kodachi, you and I shall defeat the evil axe-yielding woman! Of course, I have a few weapons, too... Lessee...

1. Electromagnetic shield- to make sure no axes come near me, or anything metal.
2. Book of Magical Sorcery- yes, I am a practioner of turquoise magic.
3. A BIG Mallet- the new and improved Ak-50 model: 50" in diameter! Now, Kasumi(2), you shall be defeated!

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Previously, on the RML Sunday night movie:
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< "Now," he dictates in a low monotone 'I shall silence that rude mouth of yours." He begins to walk towards Insane-kun. The footsteps resonate through the alley. "Taiwanese Proverb; If hole leak," he quotes as he holds forth the sharp pieces of metal. "plug it up." >
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< "Insane Final Attack! Neko-revenge!" >
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< "Meow!" neko-Shampoo begins to claw at Ted's neck until it is separated from his body. Then a whole bunch of lightning comes around and... >
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< Ted: Aww can't I stay with you dadoo, forever? We'll have ever so much fun. We could the Macerena again! [starts doing the Macerena] >
< 666: Bjatalymev! Just get out! [Ted is put back on Earth in a flash of flame.] >
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< Me: You're back?! I'm going down there right now to straighten this out. >
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< Me: Bye, Ted. >
< Ted: What do you mean? I'm not going anywh--[disappears in another flash of flame] >
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< Kasumi(2) : A convert of OLA, Ted Wang by name, is being held against your will and his will. I'd like to have him back, please? If it is not too much trouble for you, that is.... >
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< Ted : See, I knew being a convert of OLA has its advantages.... (disappears back to Earth) >
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< Kasumi(2) : I'm afraid I don't understand, Insane Kun. Here, let me ease your tensions for you.... >
< (she looms over Insane Kun and blocks the light coming from the buzzing lightbulb overhead.....) >
< .......... Dumm....de-dum dum! Dumm...de- dum dum dummmmmmm!!! >

And now, the conclusion of "Death of the Axe Woman":

Kasumi(2): You were mean to Ted, Insane-kun. You're going to have to pay. (swings axe at Insane-kun) *CLANG!* (axe flies back towards Kasumi(2), and hits her in the face, and blood sprays across the dark alley) H-H-How'd you do that?

Insane-kun: I am Insane-kun. I can do anything. And now, _you_ will pay. Justicar, the cannons! Sitai, the Kodachi!

Justicar & Sitai: Yes, Master Insane! (cannons fire at Kasumi(2) until she is not moving)

Sitai: And now, to finish you off!(throws Kodachi at Kasumi(2))

Kodachi: Oh, Ranma, darling, help me! (hits Kasumi(2), and sparks fly across the alley, and then Kodachi runs away, laughing hysterically)

Kasumi(2): No! This can... not... be hap... pen... ing...

Insane-kun: Now, let's see you really are!(pulls off mask) Aaaah! It's Old Man Anderson, the guy from the amusement park!

Anderson: And I woulda got away with it, if it weren't for you meddling kids!

Justicar: We're not kids, Mr. Anderson. I'm a knight.

Insane-kun: And I'm a cowboy!

Beavis: And, um, I have to go, um, heh heh, visit your tool shed for a few minutes.

Insane-kun: Isn't it great how, in the end, good always trimuphs over evil?

(cops take Anderson away)

Justicar: Yes, Master Insane, it is.

(pan over to tool shed, where a "heh heh, oh yeah!" can be heard, and fade to black)

Ahhh. My first screenplay. Of course, I couldn't have done it without the help of Ted, WebDragon, Eric, and Seth. Maybe I'll win an Edgar for this: Weirdest ML battle. Hmmm.

Insane-kun
Leader of the 13 Unlucky Gods Martial Artists
-Donde ser loco es bueno.
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