Broken
chapter 15
by Hikari
Broken: Part Fifteen “Just Rewards…”
7/10/00
By: Hikari
E-mail to: elvina99@hotmail.com
Notes: I am going to rate this part a very VERY strong R. It’s not so much the
language, but what actually happens in this story. I will not in any way accept
flames for this particular part for you have been clearly warned.
~*~*~*~
Little girl’s voice: “What is it like…? What is it like to die…?”
Man’s voice: “…”
“Does it hurt…? Is it like sleeping…? I want to know…”
“You have your whole life ahead of you… Don’t think of such things…”
“But if we live and then we die… What’s the point?”
“The point is the end…”
~*~*~*~
Darkness…
It’s never ending. The room I was in disappeared, and I find myself left alone
here. I bring my hands to my face; I cannot see them- only feel them as they
touch my skin lightly. It’s too dark. I can’t see the floor, the walls, not
even my legs- nothing. I can tell that Kurama and that man are no longer at my
side. Their company had vanished along with the light. My ears prick up as the
sound of footsteps proceed in my direction. I look onward, which was really
pointless, however at this point- the presence of anyone would prove to be very
comforting.
“You’re being selfish again…” The owner of the voice draws closer. The
body heat he owns, radiates from his skin and bounces off of mine. No, I’m
definitely not alone- not as I had previously thought…
“Don’t be like this anymore… you don’t realize whom you are
hurting…” I feel the person kneel down to my level, taking my cold
blood-drained face into his palms and caressing it lovingly. The touch… was
soft and kind- so so loving. Thumbs underline my eyes- other fingers trace my
lips… Tapping, stroking with incredible subtlety… I’ve… I’ve never
been touched like this before. The hairs on my skin react to the warm sensation,
a searing tear escaping from my eye and landing on this person’s wrist. The
dimness here lightens just barely. Everything which was once in the facilities
was gone- leaving a vacant and barren zone with no walls or flooring whatsoever.
The colors of gray, silver, and midnight blue stretched as far as the eye can
see- almost like an abyss or maybe sub-space. My attention shifts from the
environment to the person holding me with great tenderness. Irises move from his
pale chest to his neckline, from his chin to his face. I gasp and draw away.
This person touching me… he was my worst adversary… he was the one whom I
hated with a passion… the one I wanted to kill so badly…
He was myself.
“You…” I wrath, preparing to dig my nails into his face and literally rip
it off. Instead of fighting back, he holds up his right palm –frayed and worn-
as a peaceful halt to my actions. The expression on his face… or… MY face
was solemn, tired. Hands run numb. I cannot do as I wish.
“Do we hate ourselves that much?” He spoke softly. “Every time we see a
mirror- will we always shatter it?”
“Who are you supposed to be?! Don’t you dare give me: ‘I’m you…’
because I will never believe it!!!”
For a while, he says nothing and in the short amount of elapsed time- I examine
him. This ‘me’ was thin, absolutely scrawny. Burn marks, scars, blemishes,
and bruises were arrayed over his whole form as though they were décor. His
eyes were exhausted and the white was an unhealthy shade of yellow. Lips were
dry and cracked, bleeding slightly at several of the creases in flesh. Alcohol
lingered in his breath. I look away.
“No… I am you. Not from another time, not your soul, or will. I am you.”
He moves forward to touch me again, and in reply I crawl rearwards- eyes
reverted back and never drifting from him. At this, he reclaims his hand- it
unhurriedly clenching into an unfastened fist. “You’re right… I lied.
I’m only a part of you…”
“What are you talking about?!?! There can only be ONE me! Who are you?! You
imposter!!” I don’t even select my own words any more… anger spoke for me-
there is no control.
“You should know… you said it yourself once…” His head dejects meekly-
expression blank and hidden. “It wasn’t too long ago that we realized it…
The alcohol erased almost everything…”
“Stop speaking in damned riddles!” Lunging forward, I throw my fist into his
jaw- sending him to hit the ground to wherever we were. His body was sprawled
along the floor, blood –appearing black from the low luminosity- splattered
all over. He didn’t bother picking himself up, his fingers simply curled
inside his palms as he trembled.
“We’re such fools…” He whispers. “You said yourself that the mind
thinks in two… Didn’t you notice? Every thought… every mental cycle or
practice is ALWAYS in two. Two halves… everything is two and two is one. I’m
apart of that half as you are the other. We are two different frames of thought,
which- when composed- form a soul… But…”
“But…” I force on.
“But somehow… all the passion that was inside of us- centered around
ourselves… By doing this, we have prayed for death… lusted for it… It
seemed that by dying- relief would be the reward. That was a dangerous and
threatening thought… As a result, God granted our wish- in a sense- to see for
ourselves what death is…”
“But how did I… WE…” I correct. “Die in the FIRST place?”
“We died long before we thought we did… when we forgot what it means to have
a life and a heart- we instantly lost everything. Thereafter we were pulled into
one frame of thought… a thought that killed us. We drunk ourselves, hurt
ourselves, caused misery to ourselves as much as we could to fill the hunger
inside us…”
“So… which part of me are you…?”
He fell silent again, head turned away from me as he was still laying
pathetically- merely a few feet away. “… I am the part of you… that
cared… the part of you that looked for your sister… the part of you that
found friends…”
“What…?”
“… When we completed all that we desired… I found nothing left to live
for… You know how you can argue with yourself…? Before you do something…?
I’m that other side… the part of you that questioned and likewise
answered… When we fell into the same thought that we had no purpose- that we
were useless… that was the end of it… With no frame of mind to keep
ourselves from slipping… we initially died… became a puppet of sin in the
real world…” Moving closer to me, this time I don’t resist. He opens his
palms, small flames arousing from his numerous wounds. “Touch it… let us see
what it is like to transit from the first world to the next… lets see what our
life has earned us… as one…”
I stare at him incredulously- doubting and wondering as to what I will be
getting myself into. The flames sparked, flickering weakly. Finally, I hover my
hands over his palms… we then merged.
*****
My clothes are ripped away from me- pulled and tossed into oblivion by…
devils. Their long nails tore open my naked form from all areas. Sticky
tongues… oozing with acidic saliva wash over the wounds. I gasp, mouth
jittering from shock and pain. Another one pounces on top of me- odor as bad as
sulfur- causing me to fall on my back. Its eyes bulged from their sockets, red
and pupiless. Drooling over my face, he forces my mouth open and shoves an
enormous cockroach down it.
“ARGHH…!!!” I scream, but it came out muffled. The insect’s thorny legs
move about my tongue and throat, scratching and scrapping my inside flesh until
all was sore. The devil looms over me, salivates more, and kisses me intensely.
My lips were forced open and the lowly creature was fished out. The cockroach
was now hanging by one leg, trapped in between the devil’s fangs. Before I
knew it, the insect was crushed and eaten- leftover parts spewing over my cheeks
and eyes.
Another devil comes, unsheathing my jagan. Trying to move to defend myself- I
realize that I’ve been pinned at all corners. Its fingertips danced over the
eye greedily and excited. The jagan pangs open, and the fingers with agonizingly
pointy nails- dove forth, ripping the eye out…
“AAAAHHHHHH!!!! ARGH!!!” Teeth clench tight against each other, blood
overflowing from my brow and painting my face. The pain was excruciating… I
couldn’t bear it… I thought I would pass out, but I didn’t. I got the
‘privilege’ to view my attacker eat the jagan as if it were some sort of
rich fruit. The eye pulsated as he ate it, the vein that was once connected to
my brain and nervous system twitching… dripping with red.
A tongue… yet another one, goes up my legs. I try to close them… but… I
couldn’t… It bites all along the inner thy and… even higher… licking
along to get any trace of my blood… Abruptly, the tongue… it makes its way
inside of me! Thrashing and darting- left and right… I kick and whip my body
in violent lashes to stop the invasion. It continues to bite me… drink up my
loss… continue to rape me with no mercy… This devil… was killing my
body… More of them swarmed to where I was, and I am turned over to reveal my
unsullied back. They jumped on me… one by one. Clawing and digging, removing
as much skin as they possibly could. Then, they later swallowed and slurped all
that they were able scrape off of me- drinking the blood that spilled onto the
hot floor- lapping at it like ravenous dogs. The others which did not eat my
flesh, shredded open my finger tips so that they may suckle at them like nipples
for milk. I couldn’t do any thing, I just laid there... paralyzed.
I… brought… this… to myself?
Tears well, and as soon as they do- I am lifted and nailed onto an unseen wall.
Thick rusty nails are positioned on my palms- a hammer is lifted. POUND. One
strike. POUND. Two strikes… As they are struck deeper and deeper- blood
dressed the iron nails and I could feel the metal jammed in between my tendons,
muscle, and bones. POUND. A third strike- blood soars into the air. I scream and
scream, more and more. Anything to alleviate the stinging, the endless torture.
Nothing I could do would subside this... nothing helped at all.
Two devils bring in caged birds – doves-… and a chalice. One of them,
covered with horns and warts, takes them out tearing their heads off in one
quick swipe. My eyes widened. Soft white feathers, dyed yellow and red, clung
onto his ugly hands. The other one gallops like a goat –hooves and all- to
present the cup. The birds’ blood was poured into the chalice, until the brim
overflowed with thickness. The glass is brought to me, and I refuse to open my
mouth. No!!! I won’t!!! My head throbbed as I yelled mentally- they smirked to
themselves, nodding eagerly in the events to come. Prying my mouth open, yet
again, they pinch my nose and tilt the cup over my opened lips until the salty
bitter blood flooded over and I coughed it all out from suffocation. I hang from
the nails, as a dummy for their play.
Smashing the glass, a devil as black and dirty as charcoal, drives it into my
stomach and turns it by the neck in six full turns. “ARGHHH…AUGH…”
As the chalice was pulled out, the suction caused my blood to be extracted
quickly from my abdomen. They gather around me, licking greedily at my torso-
gnawing at the shredded flesh at times. Every part of my body jerks sorrowfully;
shaking was also no option. The temperature suddenly declines to below zero, my
skin blemishing from the burns and the sudden application of cold. The
surroundings go hazy and my eyelids transform into slits. They wouldn’t stay
that way, however. For a second later, icy water was splashed over me, covering
me from head to toe. Exhaling, my breath turns to mist. Glancing at my skin, the
color of it is no longer pale, but blue. Lips trembling- visions out of the
shadows are presented to me.
“HIDEOUS!!!” A thin woman with firey hair smashes an oval shaped mirror
before her. She collapses to the ground, hands moving up and down her shoulders
as her frame quakes beyond restraint.
“I’m so ugly…” She whispers. “Who… who can care for… who can
love… a person with a face like mine…?”
“…Mukuro…?” No… That’s not you… This is a lie… It’s not YOU!
“A LIE!!!” I yell hoarsely, more blood coursing from my forehead as I had
done so.
“FUCK YOU!!!”
That voice…
Frothy spit lands on my face, for a moment- blinding my eyes. Shaking my head, I
effort to adjust my focus to see who did this to me. Looking on, the person
stands in front of me. Face angered and pitiless.
“You’re so damn pathetic! You’re such a little shit hole Hiei!!! DID YOU
KNOW THAT?!?! DID YOU?!?! A GOD DAMNED SHIT HOLE!!!”
He spits again, and slugs at me- my nose bleeding with no relent later. Taking
my head by the hair- he grips onto the sweat and blood covered strands tightly,
bashing my cranium against the wall in dreadful repetition until my eyes almost
rolled in.
“You’re so worthless… I HATE YOU!!! WE ALL HATE YOU!!! LOOK AT YOU!!! WHAT
A MISTAKE!!! THE SON OF A HORE!!!”
My heart… It’s pierced.
“Yusuke…”
A tear falls.
“Another day… no one to talk to…”
“Huh…?” No… that can’t be…
“No one here… no one… just an empty room… silence…”
“No…” I choke, still half delusional from the mauling.
“No one could possibly understand… how it feels to be in my position…
therefore… I have no friends…”
“No… NO!” More tears fall as I wave my head from side to side- hands
wreathing with emotion.
“What am I crying for? Loneliness… my tears… it’s just water, but…
they’re hurting me…” Water rivers down from his cheeks- completely soaking
his crisp white shirt and reddening his eyes and face.
“KURAMA!!! DON’T CRY! NEVER CRY!!!” My body bangs against the frozen wall,
trying to break free. “NOT BECAUSE OF ME!!! NO!!! NEVER!!!”
The tears kept coming… My tears… his tears…
“Ahhh!!! Ahhh!! Help me! No! Don’t touch me!!”
HER tears…
“YUKINA?!?!” My eyes largen to the extent they feel like rolling out of my
skull. She was thrown to the floor… by devils. They shredding apart her kimono
until she was as bare as I was. My dear sister was held in place… and she was
raped like me…
They suckled at her pert breasts… took her by the hair and kissed her
sadistically… Flipping her over, they draw lines down her back with their
claws... Bright red streaming in all directions… Her screaming destroyed my
ears, crying for help so many times… They bucked inside of her woman hood,
stabbing at her virginity until the sparkle in her eyes began to fade and her
cries ceased…
“NO!!!” Tears, thousands of them fly out of my eyes as I push myself
forward- hands sliced severely, with obvious holes on palms. I had ripped myself
from the wall- nails penetrating through my flesh. Blood trailed as I ran in her
direction. From my hands, my legs, my head, my back, and torso. No matter how
far I pressed my limits of speed- especially in my condition- I couldn’t reach
her. It seemed as though she was moving further and further away from me… from
my reach. My breath goes choppy, and feeling faint- I lose footing and slam on
the ground.
Stampedes of devils make a dash to where I was. When they reached me, they
shoved handfuls of spherical objects down my throat, making me swallow them.
Each piece plunged to the bottom of my stomach as hard as bullets from a machine
gun. When one handful was done, they released their hands from my lips- giving
me a short chance to attain air. Then another hand covers my mouth, and I gulp
down another handful.
It didn’t take long for me to realize that those objects… were my tears…