I Drive Myself Crazy  
by Rose Thorne

I Drive Myself Crazy

by Rose Thorne

Disclaimer: The song I Drive Myself Crazy belongs to N'Sync and anyone else who helped to produce it. Yu Yu Hakusho belongs to Yoshihiro Togashi, Studio Perriot, TV Tokyo, Shounen Jump, and anyone else who helped produce this series.


Ohhh...ohhh...
Ohhh...Oh...
Lying in your arms
So close together
Didn't know just what I had

[Kurama holds a sleeping Hiei, running a hand through the Jaganshi's spiky hair. Smiling, Kurama snuggles closer to his lover and falls asleep.]

Now I toss and turn
Cause I'm without you
How I'm missing you so bad

[Kurama wakes with a start, glancing around the room furtively. Then he remembers that Hiei is gone, and he falls back on the pillow, depression surrounding him. The fox wishes that he could tell Hiei he loves him, but he knows that's not possible. Words can't breach the wall of death.]

Where was my head
Where was my heart
Now I cry alone in the dark

[Kurama remembers the day Hiei died in the form of vivid nightmares, nightmares so strong and stubborn that not even the strongest of sleep medications will kill them. He'd been too slow. He shouldn't have hesitated. After all, if his ningen form died, he would go back to the Makai as a fox spirit. As Youko Kurama. But Hiei died instead, and his death was permanent. Kurama sobs as he wakes again, curling around the empty space in the bed as he cries.]

I lie awake
I drive myself crazy
Drive myself crazy
Thinking of you

[Kurama can't sleep. His memories plague him, and he lies in bed, drowning himself in the good ones. Why can't he just forget and move on? He's going crazy thinking of his lost love.]

Made a mistake
When I let you go baby
I drive myself crazy
Wanting you the way that I do
(Wanting you the way that I do)

[Kurama thrashes in his sleep, remembering, in his dreams again, Hiei's death. Superimpose the fox trying, with all his strength, to heal Hiei's obviously-mortal wounds. Hiei's shaking, blood-covered hand grabs his, stopping him from healing him. The Jaganshi kisses Kurama's hand gently, whispering 'I'm sorry, Fox...Ai shiteru...' before closing his crimson eyes and slipping into an eternal slumber. Kurama jerks awake in his bed, tears streaming down his face as his heart aches with sorrow and longing.]

I was such a fool
I couldn't see it
Just how good you were to me, oh yes
You confessed your love
Undying devotion

Hiei tries to comfort the fox, but his hands pass right through his lover. He curses in frustration, angry at himself for hurting Kurama so badly. For daring to die. He hadn't realized how much the fox cared for him until now. Koenma had told him that he had no chance of being reborn yet as he hadn't finished his parole. He had told Kurama as well, and the fox had left before Koenma had finished, believing Hiei to be gone forever. But Hiei isn't gone. Koenma is allowing him to stay with Kurama until the fox dies, then they will be reborn together, in the same body, and finally be complete. But Hiei can't stand to see his soul mate in such agony! How can he reach Kurama, though? He doesn't know.]

I confessed my need to be free
And now I'm left
With all this pain
I've only got myself to blame, no...

[Hiei sighs softly as Kurama shakes, his sobs wracking his body. Why did he have to have died? The sanjiyan curses his clumsiness as Kurama whispers his name, asking him why he left. Hiei touches Kurama's hair, knowing that the fox can't feel him or hear his words. "I'm sorry, Fox...Ai shiteru..." Then he flinches as he remembers that those were the last words he said to Kurama before he died.]

I lie awake
I drive myself crazy
Drive myself crazy
Thinking of you

[Kurama lies in bed, staring at the ceiling, unable to live outside of his dreams. Dreams of his love.]

Made a mistake
I let you go baby
I drive myself crazy
Wanting you the way that I do
(Wanting you the way that I do)

[Hiei tries to touch Kurama, to comfort him, but his hands pass right through the fox. He wonders again why he was so clumsy. Why did he have to die, right when his life was finally getting better, when he finally felt loved? He aches with sorrow, wishing he could be with his soul mate.]

Why didn't I know it
(How much I loved you baby)

[Kurama sits in bed, tearless. He can't seem to cry anymore. Why hadn't he realized how much he cared about Hiei? He wants to turn back time, but he knows that's not possible. He'll never be able to tell Hiei how much he loves him.]

Why couldn't I show it
(If I had only told you)
When I had the chance
Oh, I had the chance, awww...

[Hiei watches Kurama cry, unable to comfort him. Then he curses. How is it that he was so powerful alive and in death he can't even contact Kurama? The fire demon sits down heavily, then jumps back up as he gets an idea.]

I lie awake
I drive myself crazy

[Kuwabara looks up from his comic book as he feels a chill. A spirit... He looks around and concentrates, then yelps as Hiei appears in front of him.]

Drive myself crazy
Thinking of you

[Kurama sighs as the doorbell rings. Slowly, he rises and answers it to find Kuwabara standing there. The fox lets him in. Kuwabara tells Kurama about Hiei's visit to him. "He said to tell you he's always with you." Kurama smiles, feeling infinitely happier. He thanks Kuwabara and watches him leave.]

Made a mistake
Let you go baby
I drive myself crazy
Wanting you the way that I do

[Kurama's life picks up. He can actually feel Hiei's presence with him wherever he goes. But he wishes he could actually touch his soul mate.]

I lie awake
I drive myself crazy
Drive myself crazy

[Hiei curls up on the bed next to Kurama, wishing he could touch the fox. His hand passes right through Kurama, and the Jaganshi sighs in annoyance.]

Made a mistake
I drive myself crazy
Wanting you the way that I do

[Kurama walks to work on a beautiful spring day, feeling Hiei's presence with him. He daydreams, not really noticing his surroundings. Crossing a street, he hears his name being called and he turns to see a transparent Hiei staring behind him in horror. The fox turns and sees the car. Too late. Kurama feels his body fall to the ground, and he smiles, reaching toward Hiei, who now seems solid. He's going to be with Hiei...]

I drive myself crazy
Wanting you the way that I do...


Well...Another death fic. My second one, though I insinuated that they would be together later on...in another life...This is the sequal to (God Must Have Spent) A Little More Time On You, also by N'Sync. Ironically, I own no N'Sync CD's, yet I have written three songfics using their songs.



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