Yokai Tales: The Three Little Yokai
by Cricket

Here's the First in case you didn't recieve it... but if you already did.. sorry if it is an extra clutter, I forgot the names of the fics you requested...enjoy!

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Jiminy Cricket Production Presses Presents:

YOMATSU SIDE STORIES

Story one: The Three Little Yokai

Classification: Slight spoof, scenes of yaoi

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Disclaimer: All characters, situations and places pertaining to Yu*Yu*Hakusho are copyright and owned by Yoshihiri Togashi, Shueishen Inc. and Shonen Jump Weekly. Exceptions to this is the character of Yo-mawari and the lands of Yomatsu Hara-Sakai, which are owned by me!

The Three Little Pigs, to the best of my knowledge, is owned my Walt Disney Corporation, and is in no way affiliated with the above people/corporations or with this fic.

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THE THREE LITTLE YOKAI

by: Cricket

CAST BRIEFING :

A young girl sat comfortably in the directors chair, the word 'Korogi' scribbled on the back of the cloth chair in large, Japanese letters ... Cricket.

Cricket grinned widely, adjusting two buns of red hair possitioned on the back of her head as the set fell into place before her. Pulleys and cranes lowered large frameworks and live trees down to the set-stage, creating a serene little forested setting before her. "Kanzen na! Perfect!" she yelled, waving to the set operators. "Arigato!"

Several hands waved back from the rafters and catwalks directly above the cast- room door, the stage crew quickly begining to exit the set as filming was sceduled to begin shortly. Cricket grinned widely, raising her watch up to her eyes. She counted down the seconds, each one, her grin becoming wider and wider with each count. " ... three ... two ... one ..." she threw a finger to the cast door just as it flew open, smashing into the wall just beyond.

"GAH!! Why do *I* have to play the Big Bad Wolf!!!" Kazuma Kuwabara stormed out of the cast room, wielding a copy of the script as if it was a butcher knife. He dodged the props set expertly around and stomped off behind the camera's and lights.

Behind him, followed three figures dressed all in an annoying, cartoon pink, the third and shortest of the three grumbling under his breath, tugging on various parts of the clothing, succeding in only wrinkling up the pink silk.

Kazuma thumped the script down on Crickets lap, begining to start his incesent whining fits. "Why why why??" he pulled on handfulls of his annoying, orange hair and began ranting.

Cricket smiled widely, handing the script down to the floor easily, wiggling in the chair. "Face it, Kuwa-chan ... you're the biggest windbag of the group ... but think of it this way ... things COULD be worse! I could have stuck you with the part of Golilocks in the other production." She ended with an innocent smile, looking up to the tall, whining young man. "Ichi sushita?"

Kazuma groaned and looked back to the three yokai dressed all in a day-glow pink ... "BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!" He grabbed his stomach and crashed almost instantly to the floor, rooling in his fits of hysterics.

Hiei tugged at the pink collar, glaring the rolling glob down. "Shizuka ni!" he snarled, turning the seering, red eyes up to the director. "This is all YOUR fault!"

Cricket raised a hand to her chest with a 'What? Who me?' look.

Kurama plopped a quieting hand in the little yokai's head, looking rather confused. "Really, Korogi-chan ... pink?"

She shrugged. "It's either the pink clothes ... or the huge pig costumes!" On cue, three, sumo-sized, rubber pink pig suits waddled out of the prop room and bowed, causing a chain reaction of falling bodies around the stage as one by one the cast fell flat over in mock-death.

"She makes a valid point," Yo-mawari groaned, pulling himself to his feet and dusting the outfit off. He wrinkled his nose at the pink, Chinese-style high collar that replaced his normal black one as he rearranged it and shuttered discustedly.

Cricket stood to her feet and clapped her hands together, reaching into the Insanity Warpspace (tm) and wielding a large megaphone. She took a deep breath, rasing the megaphone to her mouth ... " PLACE'S EVERYONE!!" she bellowed.

"GGAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!" The megaphone's sonourous boom echoed through the soundstage and shook the entire set, rattling the props and the cast in their places. "GAAAAAAAHHHHHH ..... Geeze, Cricket!!" Kazuma screamed, sucessfully performing the Soun Tendo demonic head technique (tm). "Why don't you just set of a fog horn in our ears .. it'll be a heck of a lot QUIETER!!"

She raised and eyebrow to the megaphone, regarded it with a look and tossed it to a corner. "Heh ... gomen nasai!" She side stepped Kuwabara's enourmous head and sat back in the director's chair. "To your places, peoples ... ACTION!!!"

SCENE ONE: A house in the woods

A tall, orange haired figure with a rubber wolf nose tied to his face stepped lightly out of the small house and streatched. "AH!! A perfect day ... perfect for hunting yokai," he grinned widely ... " 'Specially a certain little three-eyed PEST! BWAHAHAHAHAH!!" He adjusted the wolf nose, contorting his face in the process. "That little squirt ... I'm gonna enjoy this!! Kazuma grinned evily and walked off proudly into the woods.

SCENE TWO: A road running through a leafy glade

"I refuse to 'Skip gleefully'," Hiei snorted, watching Yo-mawari and Kurama skip off past him arm in arm. "Stupid kitsune's" He tugged at the pink Chinese collar again and continued down the road with a huff, watching the two brothers skip to a hault.

"Come on, Hiei! You're falling behind!" Kurama flashed a brilliant smile and beckoned the little fire demon with a single, long and slender finger. Beside him, Yo-mawari shoved his hands deep in the pink pockets and looked around.

Hiei slumped up the road and stood with a grunt beside Kurama, continuing to tug insistently at the pink clothes that hugged his body. "Now what."

Kurama smiled. "I .... build a house of straw!"

Yo-mawari and Hiei face-faulted as Kurama wielded a reaping scythed composed entirely of steel roses, happily turning it over and over in his hand. "But first!!" he pulled out a spade and packet of seeds. "I'm off to do some gardening! Heh heh."

Hiei growned. "Ya better build your house first ... that retarded wolf is hunting us down." He grined slightly and pulled his dragon katana from within the pink clothing. "Unless I get him first!"

Yo-mawari shook his head slightly, watching Kurama flit off the road and disappear. "Come on, little meijin ..."

Further down the road, Hiei stopped and looked off into the leafy fields. "This is my stop," he said, kicking a few sticks into a pile. He twirled the katana expertly about a bit, watching it glint in the sunlight. "Gotta a build some stupid house of sticks ... I can practice while I'm doing it." He swooshed the katana a few more times and sheathed it.

"Don't take too long, meijin. That wolf's not to far behind."

"Yeah yeah ... I know!" and Hiei blinked from existence, disappearing into the glade beyond.

Yo-mawari continued a bit further down the road, searching out the perfect spot for his house from among all the plots he passed. He scanned the glade with those black onyx eyes, mentally measuring the layout of the land before the perfect spot caught his eye. "Perfect!" He pulled out a trowel from the annoying, pink outfit. "Time to build myslef a house."

Kurama danced lightly up the path beside his house of straw, giving it his own personal stamp of approval as he nestled a prefect, red rose in the front door. He smiled a stunning smile ...

"Victum number one! BWAHAHAHAH!!"

Kurama raised an eye brow. "Bwa-ha-ha?" He turned to see a tall, young orange haired figure in a wolf nose bound up the road.

"GAH!!" Kurama dropped his gardening equiptment and rushed in the house, closing the door tightly behind him. Frantically the barred the door, summoning various plants to seccurly hold the door closed. He stood back, a bit whiffed and waited.

*POUND POUND POUND*

"Eh .. who's there?" Kurama called to the straw door, bound heavily in roots and plant stems.

"It's the Big Bag Wolf ... lemme in! I'm gonna eat ya for breakfast! BWAHAHAH!!"

Kurama stepped back from the door a bit, gathering his will. "No way!"

"FINE! Heh heh .. then I'll huff ... and I'll puff ... and I'll blow this little grass hut of yours to the MOON!!"

"I'd like to see you try!!" Kurama crossed his arms over his chest, confident that Kuwabara couldn't blow out a lit match, no matter how much hot wind he possessed.

Outside the straw house, Kazuma leaned back, taking a deep breath, expanding his chest to nearly three times its normal size ... and he blew ...

A hurricane-like gale force struck up, mostly from off-camera wind generators, whooshing past Kazuma to pummel the little straw house flat in a spiral of flying leaves and straw pieces, blanketing the area, turning it into a large, cow stall quickly..

Kazuma stood straight and scrathced his head, blinking back at Kurama as he hoisted himself off his butt. "Whoah ... don't know my own strength!"

Kurama suveyed the scene as Kazuma began stepping across the tattered remanants of the house, grinning the tall, red-head down.

"Uh ... heh heh ... " Kurama took a step back as the Wolf advanced. "Y'see .. well ... " he looked quickly past Kazuma and pointed. "ONI!!!!!"

"WHERE!!!!" Kazuma spun around wolf nose and all, the rei-ken bursting into existence. He grapped a hold of the ki sword and threatened the leafy glade wildly, stepping forward as the long, wolf nose, wobbleing as he settled into a defensive possition.

A bush in the glade shuddered slightly, the leaves rustling gently ... and from out of it bound ...

"A BUNNY!!! What the ..." the Wolf whirled around ... only to find the remanants of the straw house completly deserted. "Kurama??? Hey! NO FAIR!!!"

Hiei glared the house down, sheathing the katana. He blew a strand of black hair from his vision and stepped inside the house of sticks, looking it over cautiously. Not bad, if he did say so himself.

*POUND POUND*

"What!!" Hiei growled. "Who's there?"

"Hiei!! LEMME IN!!!" Kurama's voice yelled frantically through the door, pounding on the stick framework.

Hiei sighed heavily, tugging at the pink collar of the outfit. "Stupid fox." He walked calmly across the dirt floor and reached for the door latch.

In a rush of red hair, Hiei was tackled flat and the door closed tight, bound quickly in plants behind him. It took the little koorime a few seconds to fugure out what had just happened, and when he did, he growled his disapproval as Kurama smiled widely down over him, locks of his red hair tickling the little koorime's nose. "Hiya, koi!"

"K'rama ... will you ... oof ..." Hiei's reprimands were cut short as Kurama bent down and took him up in a deep kiss, swirling his tongue around in the yokai's mouth with ease, forcing him back to the floor. Kurama took one of the little hands in his, raising it up above the spikey, black head, pinning it to the dirt floor.

Under him, Hiei relaxed slightly, clumsily returning the kiss, raising his free hand to the slender body before him, resting at the small of the young man's back . He grabbed a handfull of the bright, pink costume and pulled the fox down to lay completely ontop of him, disregarding the almost crushing weight on his small body.

*POUND POUND POUND!!*

"Damn!" Kurama whispered, breaking the kiss and turning his head to the bound door, burrying Hiei under mounds of soft red hair.

The koorime sputtered, frantically trying to free himself from the mass of red strands the suddenly burried his vision.

*POUND POUND POUND*

Kurama sat back, strateling Hiei at the waist, freeing his lover from his cocoon of red hair. "Go away, Kuwa-kun!"

"Come on out, little yokai's ... it's dinner time!!"

"Sicko!!" Hiei yelled, struggling to prop himself up on his elbows.

"BWAHAHA!! Then I'll huff ... and I'll puff ... and ..."

"And I'm gonna kick your ass! Now GO AWAY!!" Hiei yelled back.

Outside the house, Kazuma crossed his arms across his chest, sproinging the wolf nose. "I bet I know what THOSE two are up to!" He adjusted the wolf nose and took a deep breath. "You asked for it!!"

Once again, a gale wind struck up, nearly toppling Kazuma into the stick house as it began to shutter violently.

Inside, Kurama tucked Hiei under his arm as the roof collapsed in one big chunk, burring them up to their knees in piles of sticks ... and one by one, the walls collapsed in, kicking up dust all around them, untill all that was left standing was the plant-bound door.

"Hmm ... not much of a carpenter, are you Hiei?" Kurama joked, lifting him from the stick pile.

"Ha ha ..." the yokai sneered, taking a handfull of his pink costume and tuging furiously. Kurama smiled again and reached out, taking Hiei up by the shoulders. In a simple movement as the tall figure stood to his feet, slinging the yokai over his shoulder, watching as Kazuma picked his way past the standing door.

"Kurama!! Put me DOWN!!" the yokai yelled, pounding on his captors back. "Put me down NOW!!"

"Gotta run!" Kurama smiled, tossing off a mock-salute to the Wolf , and spead of, Hiei and all, leaving a trail of dust behind him.

"Aw crap .. can't they make this a little easier on me??"

Yo-mawari stood back, tossing the trowel to the ground. He nodded, quite pleased, admiring his quick feat of architectural genius he had just finished. "Very nice ... just like home." The little brick house smiled back at him as he opened the sturdy door and stepped inside.

He streatched, untying his long, black hair from the braid, flopping it behind his shoulders.

*POUND POUND* " Yo-ma!! Let us in!!" *POUND POUND*

"Hold on, I'm coming."

"Come quick!!!" Kurama yelled, pounding on the door again.

Yo-mawari tossed his long hair around, turning the door knob ...

Kurama rushed in, stashed Hiei in Yo-mawari's arms, and turned back to the door, slaming it ... locking it ... barring it ... wrapping it tightly in flower stems as quickly as he could work.

He turned, resting his back on the door, panting heavily, red in the cheeks, raising an arm of the ridiculous pink outsit to wipe his forhead. "Whew!"

Yo-mawari looked down to the bundel he was handed ... Hiei sat cradled in his arms like a baby, frantically tugging at the pink costume, growling and hissing as he got nowhere with the stuborn material. The red eyes looked up sudden;y, realising he had an audience and smirked. "Put me down, Yo-mawari."

"Hai, meijin," Yo-mawari said obediantly, lightly setting his master down on the floor where he continued the never ending struggle with the costume.

*POUND POUND POUND!!* "Guess who!!" Kazuma's voice floated in.

Hiei growled, unbuttoning the top buttons of the ridiculous pink Chinese high- collar. "I'm gonna kill that baka with my bare hands!!!"

Outside, Kazuma eyeballed the lock on the door, seeing the three yokai beyond. "Ya know the routine, right guys? Heh heh ... " he reeled back and took a deep breath ... "This is too easy..." ... and blew ...

"PPPPPSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTT!!" was all that came out, barely enough wind to blow a candel out. Kazuma stood back, adjusting the wolf nose again, throwing a confised look to the house. He glanced aroud quickly .... and took a deep breath. And he blew again ...

... the house just smiled back, barely a blade of grass on the manacured lawn shuttered under his big mouth. A little fly buzzed in and sat on the door knob, mocking the Wolf in his blatant attempts to blow the house to pieces.

Kazuma blew again ... and again ... becoming red in the face, blowing so hard that he passed out flat, tumbling backwards in a puff of billowing dust.

Yo-mawari leaned back from the window and laughed loudly, pointing a finger out the window. "AHAHA!!!" He clutched his chest and stumbled backwards, nearly over Hiei.

Kurama took a relieved sigh. "Well, I guess we won! Hmm ... isn't theresupposed to be some kind of moral to these fairy tales or something?"

"Yeah ... next time an idiot in a wolf nose comes knocking at your door ... " Hiei began, dodgeing Yo-mawari.

"No no ... "Yo-mawari regained his composure with a wide grin. "I think it has something to do with 'work before pleasure ... ' The three yokai all looked at each other. "NAH!

And .... CUUUUUT!!

Cricket stood up from the director's chair, nabbing up a copy of the script as an EMS crew rushed by her to revive Kuwabara who layed passed out on the set. She searched though the script quickly as she crossed the set, stepping up on the leafy glade-stage. "Uh ... Kurama ... since when was there a yaoi scene in my script, honey?"

Kurama smiled widely and wrapped an arm around Hiei's shoulders. The little yokai shrugged him off and quickly preceded to rip the pink outfit to shreds.

"Hey! Hiei ... easy on the costume, kido!" Cricket tossed the script in to the air as shreds of pink fabric flew up around her. "Why do I bother!"

The EMS crew all stood back as Kuwabara hopped to his feet, only to become dizzy from lack of oxygen to that brain of his and crash back to the ground.

Yo-mawari patted his creator on the back, watching Hiei finish ripping the pink clothing to shreds, clothed in his usual black tank top and pants. "Things could be worse ... just wait untill you tell Yusuke he's going out as Goldilocks in the next story." The two exchanged a wicked smile and laughed silently.   

(c) July, 1997 by Jiminy Cricket Presses

This is a work of fiction: Any similarities to persons, living or dead,

is purely coincidental.

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