The Tuxedo (2002)
cast: Jackie Chan, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jason Isaacs, Ritchie Coster, and Debi Mazar
director: Kevin Donovan

What could I add in my review of "The Tuxedo," Jackie Chan's dreadful Hollywood comedy that has not already been waxed on by other critics? Personally, I never intended to screen the film based on its lackluster trailer, lame tagline ("Class. Action. Suit.") and scathing reviews, but a Thursday night filled with boredom and the HBO network changed all that for me.

I could have spent these 98 minutes doing something better, but alas, I did not, and now I have to live with my mistake. Nearly two hours of my time wasted that I shall never get back. Shame on me.

Shame on Hollywood! Is there a concept more insulting for Jackie Chan than featuring him as a sheepish cab driver who not only is incapable of getting a date, but who also needs a tuxedo equipped with mechanical wizardry to provide him with the knowledge of kung fu?

But even without Chan would anyone really want to see a film that features a tuxedo with special powers? Or a plot where the Bond-like villain is seeking to harm the general population through poisonous bottled water?

Let me ask you this: when was the last time you bought a ticket for a film that co-stars Jennifer Love Hewitt (easily the most bizarre of all of Chan's on screen couplings)?

Or how about this: when was the last time you saw a film starring Jackie Chan this loathsome? I'd have to go with Chan's first Hollywood outing "The Big Brawl" (1980), where Chan was allowed little to no input concerning the film's fight choreography and stunt coordination (and man does it show).

With "The Tuxedo" Hollywood is at it again and there seems to be no end to this trend of adding special effects to established martial artists (a la Jet Li in both "Romeo Must Die" and "The One") to somehow convince American audiences that the marriage between CGI and kung fu is a beautiful one.

While it is hard to believe that anyone could view a film such as "The One" and not want the two to divorce, I assure you "The Tuxedo" will no doubt put you on the path to reconsideration.