Kurambelina
Part 1

A Yuu Yuu Hakushou fanfic
by Cresent Star

Disclaimer: All these darling little Yuu Yuu Hakusho characters are the property of Yoshihiro Togashi-sama.I'm just writing this for fun, so if you're thinking of suing me, you've got another thing coming.... oro.^_^x

Ps. Kaoru-dono is to blame for the fanart.

Chapter 1

Once upon a time, there was a woman named Shiori who desperately wanted a child. It didn't really matter if it was a boy or a girl. She just wanted a kid to look after. It was because of this that she went to see a certain youko alchemist...

"You've got to help me sir," she pleaded, "I long for some one to take care of; some one of my very own."

The silver tressed man looked at the woman for a few minutes, then said, "No."

"Please!"

"No!"

"Why?"

"Because... because... I just felt like saying no," the youko stated firmly.

The lady continued to pester him about it, so in order to get her off his back, he finally agreed to assist her.

"Okay, okay... take off your clothes now."

"What?! Why?!"

"I thought you said you wanted a child...?"

"*Not* that way!"

"Hn. You could have said so. That way, we could've gotten things over with..."

He turned his back and dug around his herb cabinet absently, chucking the items he didn't want over his shoulder, "Now where did I put it...? Is it this..?"

Shiori ducked a bottle of pickled eyes.

"Or this..? Maybe it's this one..."

Shiori got out of the way of more unsavory projectiles.

"Ahh! Here it is! Geez, stuck all the way back there too..."

The youko faced her, dropping a seed into her open palm, "There, you know what to do with this, right?"

Shiori stared at him blankly.

"You plant it, duh!" the youko rolled his eyes, as if he couldn't imagine her stupidity.

"Oh..."

"Okay, water this every day, and every night, before you go to bed, think of what you want your child to be. Because this child is going to be shaped by your thoughts, you'd better be careful of what you wish for."

"Thank you so much sir! I'll go home and do it right away!"

"Oh... one more thing..."

"Yes?"

"That'll be $39.90, plus tax."

** ** **

Shiori took the seed home and did as the youko alchemist instructed. She gave it the best pot she had (indeed, the one from her prized petunias), gave it fertilizer(too much, that is) and watered it every day (meaning, she nearly drowned it).

Despite the harsh treatment, the plant grew at an astonishing rate, reaching full maturity by the third day. It even had a bud on it, ready to burst into bloom.

Now, Shiori was a fickle woman. She couldn't decide whether she wanted a boy or a girl. Even losing a night of sleep over it didn't help matters.

The next morning, Shiori awoke to find that the bud had bloomed into a stunning red rose. That was good and all, but where was her child? It was only when she bent nearer that the petals parted to reveal a pretty child with long, flowing red hair, curled up in sleep.

Shiori was ecstatic! Sure, she was small, but to heck with that! She had a daughter! And she was going to teach her how to sew and cook and... and...

Her thoughts were cut off the figure stretched and sat up. She realised at that moment, how wrong she had been.

"Good morning, mother," the red haired boy chirped.

(Shiori:*Gotta learn to make up my mind...*)

"Uhh... you're a boy?"

"Yeah, sure!"

"Then why are you wearing that dress?"

"Huh? I--" the red haired nymph cast a glance at his attire and began to stutter in embarrassment, "Um, I can explain... sort of...damn, no *wonder* I felt a draft down there!"

"Oh well, it doesn't really matter what you're wearing," Shiori declared, smiling, "You're my... uhh..."

"Son," the boy finished for her."Have you decided what to call me?"

"Let's see," Shiori thought touched her chin thoughtfully. She had to give her son a unique name. Something that was one of its kind, something like...

"Kurambelina! That's it! I'll call you Kurambelina!"

The red head nearly fell over at the mention of such a ridiculous name.

"What's the matter? Do you feel ill?" Shiori asked anxiously.

"No! No, really, everything's fine..." he faked a happy smile. He was actually thinking things along the lines of, "That has got to be the lamest name I've ever heard!". But since he wanted to give his new mother a good first impression, he didn't harp on the subject.

"Erm... I think we really need to fix the problem about my clothes here..."

"Why yes, you're right! We can't have you running around in *that* It doesn't suit you at all. Come on, take it off, I'll have it done in time."

Obediently, Kurambelina (:P~~) took off the dress and hid behind a few rose petals for the sake of decency. He gave himself a half-hearted smile. Okay, so the woman had given him a stupid name, but that was alright. She was a rather nice woman...yeah, he hadn't gotten such a bad break after all...

An hour later, Shiori, smiling, presented him with his clothes.

This time, he fell over.

Not only had she returned him the very same dress, but she had made such cheesy alterations! For one thing, she had sewn flowers to the base of the straps... the beaded hem, however, was something else altogether.

"Do you like it?" Shiori asked, hopefully.

"It's...very cute..." he grimaced.

"Good then I can start on the rest of your clothes right this minute!"

Kurambelina suppressed the urge to weep.

** ** **

Kurambelina was very small and delicate, sort of like those furry, exotic pets people like to keep, you know, those that look kinda like mice but really aren't? Chinny- whatchmacallits... but I digress. Shiori had to look out very often to avoid getting him underfoot.

He was so small that he lived in Shiori's Sylvanian Families(TM) doll house. Yes, Sylvanian Families, the very cute series of animal dolls and doll houses.

He was so small, that he could sleep in a Sylvanian Families(TM) cot and still find room to toss, turn and in general, agonize over his lousy wardrobe and even lousier name. In the end, he just chucked the issue aside because he knew that he sure as hell wasn't going to spend the rest of his life worrying about what he was called.

He was so small (is anyone getting tired of me starting every paragraph with 'he was so small' yet?) that the insects and little animals that lived about his home were his friends when Shiori wasn't about.

On one such day while Shiori was out to market, Kurambelina was idly swinging his legs about on the edge of the table. His expression was one of sheer, unmistakable...boredom.

"God, this sucks."

"Cheer up Kurambelina," Keiko, the robin, tittered, landing on the window sill.

"Hey," Atsuko, incidentally a slug because I can't think of a better animal to represent her, said, "It could be worse." She slithered along the table top, leaving a wet, shiny trail of slime.

"Hey, stop that! You're ruining the table cloth!"

"I can't help it!" was the reply.

"She's right," Keiko cut in. "At least Shiori didn't try selling you off to the circus or something."

"True... but it's just so... *dull* here. And 'dull' is a mild word. Nothing exciting ever happens."

"Maybe you should try bunjee jumping off the counter. That's something exciting," Atsuko suggested lamely.

"Oh sure, so Shiori can come home and find Kurambelina mush on the floor." Kurambelina said sourly.

"Well, you could try knitting." Keiko hopped down from the sill to perch beside him.

"What do you take me for? A girl???"

"Oops... I forgot..."

"Hey, what in heck was that???" Atsuko swiveled one of her eyes to the window sill, "I could've sworn I saw something poke its head out there."

"I don't see anything," Kurambelina turned around, craning neck as far as he could, "It's just your imagination, Atsuko." He resumed talking to Keiko.

"There it was again! It was green!"

Keiko glared at her impatiently, "There's nothing there!"

"You weren't fast enough to catch it, that's all! It could be a serial killer... good grief, you don't think he'd have any salt on him, do you? Aack! There it is!"

"Atsuko, just how much sake have you been drinking again?"

"I've given that up! I swear!"

"Yeah, right," Keiko sniped.

"You don't believe me!"

"Of course not."

"Guys, guys, we can talk this out nicely..."

"You keep out of it!"

** ** **

One night, while Shiori was away attending a New Year's party (the kind where you get rip roaring drunk, then apologise 'the morning after') when the most unfortunate, horrible thing happened.

**Dramatic Pause**

Kurambelina was kidnapped. Oh horrors! He didn't even see or feel it happening. One minute he was in his Sylvanian Families(R) bed getting his beauty rest, and the next he was at a faraway stream, crickets chirping all about him. Then again, the stream was only 2.5 kilometers away, but you'd find that a long distance if you were that size too.

You'd also be rudely shocked to find a pair of glowing yellow eyes sitting atop a warty head staring at you in the manner of a large, reptilian predator the minute you open your eyes.

"What in hell's name is going on here?!"

"The name's Shizuru," the toadette drawled, lighting a cancer stick, "And *you* are going to be my brother's wife."

"Matte dayo! (Japanese now?) There has got to be some kind of mistake here."

"What?"

"I'm a guy!"

Shizuru scrutinized him carefully, before shrugging, "Damn, you're right. Hey... why are you wearing that dress?"

"Don't ask," Kurambelina sighed, glad to be off the hook, "Can I go now?"

"Mmm... "Shizuru thought for a couple of seconds, "No. My brother's too stupid to notice the difference anyway, so you're still going to have to marry him."

Kurambelina face vaulted, "I don't believe this."

"And just to make sure you don't escape..." Shizuru picked up a plastic cord (the kind from those stupid drink packets) and tied his ankles to a lily pad with knots a senior boy scout would be envious of.

"Hey what's the big idea??? Lemmego! Lemmego! Lemmego!!!"

"I'll just go and get Kazuma..."

"I knew I should have said something about the dresses," he muttered whem she was gone. She returned ten minutes later with an even uglier, wartier toad that sported the most idiotic tuft carrot orange hair. He looked at his sister lethargically, large glassy eyes swiveling about.

"Izzat her?"

"Um... yes."

"Quite a looker, " he edged closer to the lily pad Kurambelina rested upon and attempted to lift his skirt.

"Oi! Pervert!" Kurambelina smacked him a good one that sent him flying back to Shizuru's side.

"Feisty too, " Kazuma rubbed his swollen cheek.

"Maybe I should have tied his hands too..." Shizuru thumbed her chin thoughtfully. She then addressed Kurambelina loudly, "Face it, ya gotta marry this jerk."

"Hey! Who're you callin' a jerk?"

"You, dim bulb!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

So, as the brother and sister bickered, Kurambelina was left on his own to figure a means of escape. The night was still, and so was his brain. What was he going to do? Who can help our hero? Who will come and deliver him from the terrible fate looked him square in the eye? Who--

*Ahem*. Find out in the next chapter of "Kurambelina".

End of Chapter 1

So folks, what *is* going to happen to Kurama? *Yes*, *Kurama*. ^_^ If I'm not going to be the lazy idiot I am, I'll dish out chapter 2 of this wacky story. Any comments, flames, flames, or flames can be sent to cresent_star@hotmail.com.

Cresent Star (c) 1998
(Like any one would want to copy it...)

Back to The Reading Room