sodden and desperate. made by andrea liamzon. started on november 1, 2001. graphic model: gackt camui

I've been very sad for the past 3-4 months. i feel so lonely, and kinda desperate as well. i remember i once wrote a fanfic, entitled sodden-- the story started with a teary funeral, a soft but strong shower of rain-- where the man's shoes were madly sodden with mud and water- with the sorrow of someone lost...

someone did die. who? i did. a long time ago, when my will was lost-- when my sould wanted freedom (which wasn't granted at all). it's so sad that life has be to this way, while it can be lived at a higher ground of 'surrealness' don't you think?

sodden and desperate is about loneliness. the emptiness is slowly taking over me. i feel blinded. i'm in a hole, trapped in a web, readily being devoured by something that craves for the wraths of my loneliness...?
the stars have ceased to shine at night, and the sun's radiance has yet fallen. there is no way to love, no way to rejoice-- i have conquered. i am the moon, and i halted the sun. the world will not revolve as it should. the world will be lost in my grief.
the mysterion those eyes bear upon my aching heart. those oblivious eyes, forsaking my hopeful spirit. there is nothing real in the world. only lies. lies lies lies.

{can we swing on the spiral of our divinity
and still be a human?}
- mjk tool, lateralus-

i can't bear the tension, the non-existence of complascence, the forces wheeling me in to this circle of turmoil.

this rebel of a tongue i own, this discretion i so long to throw out and abandon, makes me be the system. "I've been crawling on my belly clearing out what could've been. I've been wallowing in my own chaotic and insecure delusions. I wanna feel the change consume me, feel the outside turning in. I wanna feel the metamorphosis and cleansing I've endured within." -mjk, tool, 46&2-