Itinerant Press Productions Presents:
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Misplaced Science Theater #2
BGC Fic/Ghost in the Shell parts 1&2 (copyrighted to Battlekrome)
Bubblegum Crisis (copyrighted to Kenichi Sonada)
Ghost in the Shell (copyrighted to Masamune Shirow)
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[Scene: A rather comfortable looking set of rooms, deep within a secret
laboratory hidden deep beneath the arctic ice. However, the appeal of this room
begins to drop once it is realized that the only exit is through three
impenetrable titanium airlocks, a series of fiendish deathtraps, and a
hemorrhoidal rabid wombat named Biff. The room currently has three occupants, a
reasonably normal looking young man named Domingo Semanas, a reasonably abnormal
tiger boy called T-chan, and Dr. Immaculate Crappums, card carrying member of
the Brotherhood of Really Evil Scientists]
[T-chan is chasing Dr. C around the room, seemingly intent on completely
disemboweling the less-than-good doctor. Dom is apparently sleeping on the
couch].
T-chan: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU FORGOT THE PASSWORD FOR THE DEATHTRAPS!
Dr.C: It's a twenty-syllable nonsense word that changes on a daily basis! I
kept the rotation on a list taped to the command console so I wouldn't have to
remember it!
Intercom: BRAINS! BRAINS! SUPERFRAGALISTICSOMBOLMATICCALASTHENICALHEGEBE-
BERISMNAP!
Dom: [cracking an eye] I don't suppose I mentioned recently just how much I
hate zombies?
Dr.C: [dodging around the couch] Don't blame me, they're not my zombies!
Dom: How did they get into your lab in the first place. Don't you have death
ray lasers guarding the entrance or something?
Dr. C: [looks sheepish] Err...I sort of let them in.
Dom & T-chan: What?
Dr.C: [defensively] They rang the doorbell! I thought that they were the
solicitors that the local hunchbacked assistants 407 sends around collecting
spare brains!
[From over the intercom comes a sound similar to what happens when you put a
cartload of fine crystal through a rock polisher, followed by the roar of a
double-barreled shotgun]
Dr.C: What the hell?
Intercom: Goddamned stupid friggin teleporters! Why are they always lying
around the middle of the hallway? *boom* And why do they always dump me into the
middle of a mess of zombies? *boom-boom* Where the hell am I now? This doesn't
seem like Phobos. *boom*
Dom & T-chan: [dancing for joy]: The Calvary's here, we're saved!
Intercom: Damn, all this zombie killing has made me hungry. Hey, a salad,
groovy. Wonder why it's behind that airlock? [door opening] Mmm, it's even got
tomatoes....
Dr. C: [leaping for the intercom] Nooooo!
Intercom: Hey, did that salad just move? What the-! Guaahh! [sound of something
wet and messy happening]
T-chan: Um, Mr-Rescuer-Type-Guy? Hello?
Intercom: *chomp crunch chomp slurp* Mmmm...fresh brains... Give us brains!
BRAINS!
Dom: What just happened to our rescue?
Dr. C: He opened the lab where I was testing my latest batch of biological
assassins. That fool! Now my most advanced batch of killer tomatoes is loose
too!
T-chan: [hopefully] Maybe the tomatoes and the zombies will eat each other?
Dr. C: Or combine into some unholy amalgamation of festering corpse and plump,
juicy fruit. You never know with evil experiments, they can go either way.
[The various TVs around the room flicker to life]
T-chan: Speaking of evil experiments...
Dr.C: Damn, it's found another one already.
> BGC Fic
> Ghost in the Shell
>
> By Battlekrome
> Warning this can be considered a DARK fic
T-chan: So turn up the lights, otherwise you'll run into something and go
THUNK!
> reader beware!
Dom: Of a lousy fic.
> ---------------------------------------------------------
>
> Chapter 1: KIA?
Dr.C: The status of the audience.
> Intro - music: Don't Fear The Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult
T-chan: Ack! Only the sixth line and already the author's forcing his musical
tastes on us.
Dom: At least it's not Dragons of Doom.
Dr.C: Are you two ever going to stop riffing D.E.L.T.A Invasion?
T-chan: Not if we can help it.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
>
> Nene
T-chan: Mmm... Nene...
Dr. C: Is there something wrong with you? More so than usual?
Dom: He's almost as fixated on Nene as he is on Utena.
T-chan: How can I not be? Look at her: she's the cutest, most delectable
character out of the entire BGC cast.
Dr. C: Funny, I would've thought that Daley Wong would've been more to your
tastes.
T-chan: [puckers his lips] Oh Nene my love, mm-mm-mm.
Dr. C: Does he get worse than this?
Dom: Do you have any cyanide capsules on you?
Dr. C: Uh...maybe. Why?
Dom: Because you're going to want them if we ever get an Utena lemon.
> decided to make sure she wouldn't be missed from work.
Dr. C: Because the AD Police are really loose about those silly little things,
like showing up for your shift.
> Mega-Tokyo was a big city and walking somewhere could take
> days.
Dom: Which is why when most people had someplace to go, they took the train, or
the bus.
> Making her way over to a phone booth she used her suit
Dom: So she's trekking across the city in her hard suit? Isn't that just a wee
bit conspicuous?
Dr. C: I suppose she might be wearing a really tekked out business suit.
T-chan: Or maybe she's wearing a really skimpy little swimsuit.
Dom: Then where would she hide the data jack?
T-chan: [grins lechoursly] Well-
Dom: [brandishes a cushion threateningly] Don't even think about finishing that
sentence.
> to plug directly into the phone to bypass the camera and hack into
> it to use as computer access.
Dr. C: So what kind of baud rate can you get out of a public phone?
> Her first thought upon accessing
> the AD police mainframe was that she'd gotten in too easily.
Dom: Her second thought being, 'oh yeah, I forgot that little perk of being a
member of the AD Police called security clearance.'
> Checking her ice on the system
T-chan: She discovered that it'd melted.
> she found she was able to crack it without trying.
> Curious about this ease
Dom: Is anyone getting the feeling that this is going to lead somewhere really
contrived?
Dr. C: [pulls a tricorder out of his lab coat and waves it at the TV]
Fascinating. Plot Contrivance readings are off the scale.
> she tried something she'd never be able to
T-chan: Holy Crow, I didn't know that was physically possible.
Dr. C: And with a phone booth no less.
> hack, USSD mainframe. Within seconds she
> had master sysop access.
Dom: Isn't she the least bit suspicious that she can suddenly just waltz into
one of the most heavily guarded computer systems in the world?
T-chan: Her data line must have an incredible encryption level.
Dr. C: Coming from a public phone and all.
> Checking all the security systems for
> alerts of entry got nothing. She was in and no one noticed,
> also according to the readouts she wouldn't be.
Dr. C: I wish I had a Deus Ex Machina working for me...
Dom: Sorry, you don't get one of those unless you're writing a bad fanfic.
Dr.C: Now there's an idea...
T-chan: [sprouts points from five of his six ends (and his tail does a good
imitation of a spear)] No.
> Nene was brought back to reality by a splitting headache.
Dom: Now if she hadn't been so busy being little miss hacker, she would've seen
the maniacal ax wielding boomer BEFORE it stuck a hatchet in her head.
> Spots danced before her eyes from the pain. Clutching her head she
> let out a soft groan and still plugged into the phone booth
> slumped to the ground.
Dr. C: So at this point Nene is passed out, in a phone booth, plugged into the
payphone, in her hard suit? Doesn't Sylia have a policy about NOT being
conspicuous?
Dom: Hold on, if Nene's wearing her plug suit, then why was she bitching about
walking across the city? Can't she just boost her way back to the Silky Doll?
Dr. C: Do we even know why she was hacking into national computer systems in
the first place?
T-chan: Remember, this is a Ghost in the Shell crossover, so people are allowed
to do inscrutable things for inexplicable reasons.
> ---------------------------
Dom: Whoa, she flatlined. No more Nene.
Dr. C: That's what happens when you stick sharp things in someone's skull.
T-chan: Nene! No!
> Nene awoke lying on the ground.
Dom: Oops, I was wrong, she was only mostly dead.
Dr. C: Tis but a scratch!
Dom: A scratch? You've got a bloody hatchet stuck in your head!
T-chan: You're sick.
> A flashing light on her HUD
> reading search and download complete. Querying the search
> brought up a huge list. Nene's eyes widened when she
> realized half of these files
Dr. C: Were spam.
T-chan: That's what happens when you don't set your email filters.
> came from places that she didn't
> know existed.
Dr. C: Because she'd failed high school geography.
Dom: [teacher] No Nene, Chicago is not thirty miles outside of Tokyo.
>The she saw something that was new.
T-chan: The plot?
> >UPGRADE...?
Dr. C: To Windows 2000?
>>Query. Upgrade what?
>UPGRADE. Of all systems and armor to class II
> >Query. Current class of armor
> >ARMOR. Currently breached, at 75% of Max -- class .V
T-chan: I wonder what her THAC0 is?
Dom: Was anyone else able to make sense of that?
T-chan: I think the language was english...
Dr. C: Her coaxial warp drive is being destabilized by bifurcated geometric
particle bursts, and she needs a new carburetor.
> Nene gasped as she realized that this 'upgrade'
T-chan: Had a pleasant ribbed texture, three vibration speed settings-
[Dom and Dr. C beat T-chan with cushions and sit on him]
Dom: That is more than enough of that.
> would make her
> armor four times better than the armor that was top of the line
> of Sylia's.
Dom: Wow, the magic phonebooth must've been working overtime to do that.
Dr. C: Oh, silly me, that was a point vee. I can't say I've ever seen roman
numerals used like that before
> Query. System status
Dr. C: SNAFUed something serious.
Dom: A lot like this fic.
> >SYSTEM. Systems nominal
>
> >UPGRADE...?
Dr. C: Give in to Microsoft, you know you want to. Upgrade to Windows 2000.
T-chan: Mroh! Mm mrm!
Dom: He's right. You'd think that they'd be up to at least Windows 2032 by
now.
> >Upgrade. Yes
>
> >UPGRADE. Discard extra mass?
>
>Query. Extra mass
Dom: That chunk of deadweight just above your shoudlers.
Dr. C: Certainly none of its on her chest.
T-chan: Mrn!
Dom: Might be piled onto her rear though.
T-chan: Mrmp!
>
>UPGRADE. Suit has 50% extra mass
>
>Query. Does extra mass include pilot of suit?
>
>UPGRADE. Negative
>
>Upgrade. Discard extra mass
Dr. C: She's going to feel pretty silly when the suit falls apart around her.
T-chan: [finally gets his head of the couch] But if that happens, she'll be in
her skin suit.
> Nene felt her hardsuit shift around her and then suddenly she
> felt as if her skin was on fire.
Dom: Because it was. She really should've asked just how it was going to get
rid of that extra mass.
Dr. C: Pity she didn't query as to just how it was going to change her suit.
You have to get that alloy pretty hot in order to shape it.
T-chan: Nene-chan, no!
>Collapsing from the pain, again she fainted.
Dom: Heya Bob, that girl in the hard suit plugged into the payphone over there
jus' fainted again.
T-chan: Ayep.
Dom: Think we should be concerned 'bout it?
T-chan: Ayep.
Dom: We gonna do anything about it?
T-chan: Anope.
> ------------------------------
Dom: Looks like she's really dead this time. That's a complete flatline.
> Nene woke
Dom: Damn, she's harder to keep dead than Superman.
> with a clarity of mind she had never known.
Dr. C: Her head felt lighter, and strangely uncluttered.
> Looking down at herself and her new suit.
T-chan: And? I want details!
>She blushed.
T-chan: Arg! Why!
> Her suit looked
> as if she was wearing a purple and red spandex suit.
T-chan [leaps up, knocking Dom and Dr.C over the back of the couch] Oh yeah!
> All her curves and details laid out for the world to see.
T-chan: [press his face against the safety glass in front of the TV] And I see
them all... Oh Nene-chan!
Dr. C: He's drooling on the glass, isn't he?
Dom: Ayep.
Dr. C: [hurls a cushion at T-chan] Isn't there anything in here that'll make a
decent weapon?
Dom: Well, we used to have some chrysanthemums...
> It was modest in the fact that everything was covered but it left
>very little to the imagination.
Dom: Whoops, looks like it's a bit chilly in that phone booth.
T-chan: [turns away from the TV with a feral growl and leaps at Dom] Mine!
Dom: [flips over the back of the couch and takes off running] Help! Help! Horny
tiger boy on the rampage! [runs into the bathroom, still pursued by T-chan.
There is the sound of splashing, then a toilet flushing, and T-chan emerges from
the bathroom looking smug. Dom emerges, dripping]
> Extra armor covered her chest, crotch and shoulders. Her helmet had been
> streamlined and the array of antennae and such on her back was gone.
Dr. C: [pulls a schematic out of his labcoat and looks between it an the TV
screen] So she just traded in a fully armored combat capable support suit for a
lycra battle bikini?
T-chan: I like it- [Dom sneaks up behind him and starts beating him over the
head with a stack of paper plates] Damn it! Cut that out!
Dom: [tosses aside the plates and sits back down] You have just seen the full
extent of our offensive weaponry.
T-chan [rubbing his head] I don't suppose you can mad scientist some sort of
zombie/tomato mutilating machine out of that, can you?
Dr. C: I'm a mad scientist, not a magical one.
Dom: Where's Washu when you really need her?
> Nene wondered where her boosters had gone but figured that
> worrying about that could be done later.
T-chan: Not that those are important or anything.
Dom: She's going to fell really foolish the next time she leaps off a two
hundred story building and then finds out that her new suit doesn't have any.
> ------------------
>
> Newport City, Japan..
Dr. C: The city of smooth flavor.
T-chan: I know that mega-corporations own everything in Ghost in the Shell, but
a tobacco company having an entire city to itself...
Dr. C: You know that omnipresent pall hanging over the city? That's not just
any smog.
Dom: Newport City: where even the pollution has smooth flavor.
> ------------------
An entity formerly known as
T-chan: Prince.
> two names sensed the activity of
> another of their kind. Checking the tracks of the new one.
Dr. C: And using periods. Where commas should go. Instead.
> The trail led to a phone booth in Mega-Tokyo
Dom: Finally, someone notices the unconscious girl in the phone booth.
Dr. C: From half a country away... I assume that this is the point where the
ever lovely Major Motoko Kusanagi makes her entrance.
> A small girl awoke in her bedroom and sat up. Looking around
Dom: She realized that she was in a crappy fic and went back to sleep.
> she moved to the edge of the bed and stood up. Picking up a
> small bag on her way out the girl left.
Dom: Hold on a sec, wans't Motoko in a man's body at the end of Ghost in the
Shell?
Dr. C: She was, unless...
T-chan: Unless what?
Dr. C: Unless this is based on the Ghost in the Shell movie.
T-chan: Arg!
Dom: Ah! I think that my eyes are starting to bleed!
> ------------------
>
> Mega-Tokyo, Japan..
T-chan: The city between Tokyo 2, 3, 4 and Worcester 7.
>------------------
>
> Nene decided that walking would only take a few hours to get to
> the Silky Doll
Dr. C: Ignoring the fact that she could just take the bus, the train, or since
she's wearing her hard suit, boost jumping there...
Dom: Wasn't Nene just complaining about how it took days to walk anywhere?
> from there she could get Sylia's or Mackie's
> help.
T-chan: [Nene] Oh hey Sylia, you know that hard suit of mine? Well, I didn't
want to spring for the twenty-five cents for a payphone so I hacked into it,
accidentally downloading some strange program that made my suit four times
better than anything you could make and -. Uh Sylia, why are you pointing a
railgun at me?
> As she walked Nene went over her new suits
Dom: So not only did she get a system upgrade, but an entire new wardrobe as
well?
> abilities and new limitations.
T-chan: What limitations? This author seems to have given Nene the official
avatar makeover.
Dom: I think that this guy is into Nene almost as much as you are.
> The ECM suite had been good
> before. Now Nene was sure she could hack into any system and
> create a jamming so good that it would block out two city
> blocks around her.
Dom: It also came with a little pine branch. You hold it in front of your face
and everyone will think you're a tree.
T-chan: The camouflage system that only Kensuke could love.
Dr. C: You're feeling obscure today, aren't you?
> The armor not only was better but also
> somehow better designed.
Dr. C: No specifics. It's just better. Trust us.
> The joints and such were almost as
> well armored as the main sections. Somehow the armor flowed
> when she bent any of her joints.
T-chan: Ah, the wonders of a lycra bodysuit.
> Then she noticed a new option
> among the evasion jamming. Thermo-optic camouflage.
Dr. C: Hold it! I can see how she could've 'upgraded' her previous equipment,
but where'd she pull an entire thremo-optics camouflage system from? [glares at
T-chan] Don't even think about saying it.
T-chan: [closes his mouth] I wasn't going to say anything.
> >Query. Thermo-optic camouflage
>
> >SYSTEM. renders suit invisible to most visual sensors and all
> thermal sensors
T-chan: Wait a second. If this is based on the movie, doesn't that mean in
order for the T.O camo to work, Nene has to strip down to the buff? Maybe this
won't be so bad after all.
> Nene had heard that some companies had been working on this
> type of camouflage, but none had an actual working prototype.
Dr. C: Now I'm confused. Since this apparently takes place after the movie,
you'd expect people to know about T.O. camo. It's not exactly commonplace, but
neither is it completely unheard of.
Dom: A word of advice doc: don't think about the fic too much. It'll hurt less
that way.
> Experimenting with it she found that her body faded out and
> would blur around the edges so that she could still see where
> her hands and feet were. Looking in a passing mirror she looked
> as if there was a pair of gloves with a tarp floating down the
> street.
T-chan: Heya Bob, ya remeber that gal that was plugged into that yonder
payphone?
Dom: Ayep.
T-chan: You reckon that she looks like she's going all invisible to you?
Dom: Ayep.
T-chan: Jus checking.
> Experimenting with it more Nene found to her delight
> that the color scheme of her hardsuit wasn't fixed. Altering it
> back to the original scheme
Dom: Bleah. You'd think she would've picked a better scheme if she had the
choice.
Dr. C: If she's invisible, how can she tell what color's she's turning?
> Nene walked onward.
> ----------------
>
> Cynthia drove her car along the freeway in Mega-Tokyo.
T-chan: Is this the same girl from before?
Dom: Might be, although I have to wonder how she sees over the dashboard.
Dr. C: They have big phone books in Newport City.
Dom: Wasn't Cynthia that cute lil boomer from the first Bubblegum Crisis OAV?
T-chan: You mean that darling little moppet with the uplink to the USSD's
particle beam sattelite?
Dom: Where there any others?
Dr. C: So she's the one whose body Motoko got? I'd think that Genom would have
issues with that.
T-chan: On the bright side, the rest of the fic should be filled with lots of
big ka-booms.
> To her knowledge she was still unique as a species. Her birth as one
> may call it was almost fated. Whereas an accidental merge was
> nearly unheard of.
Dr. C: Actually, it's completely unheard. The only time it ever happened was
the merging of Motoko and the Puppetmaster, and public phones were not involved
in any way, shape, or form.
> Pulling onto the off ramp she turned the
> car down a side street and stopped at the phone booth. Getting
> out and checking she found signs of the hack.
Dom: Nene left her datajack plugged into the phone. She's going to feel really
silly when she hits the end of the cable.
> Her tracking optics found tracks leading northward. Cynthia realized that
> the trail was only a few hours old. Getting back into her car
>she followed the trail.
T-chan: Description please? Just how is she doing all this tracking?
Dom: Nene's new hard suit has day-glo pink paint dispensers in the heels.
Dr. C: No Cynthia's using tracking optics. [points at the screen] See, it says
so right there.
T-chan: I like the paint dispenser better.
> Five blocks later the trail petered
>out as rush hour pedestrians obliterated the trail.
Dom: Apparently everyone has day-glo paint dispensers in their heels these
days.
> Cynthia decided
T-chan: That now was as good a time as any to start blowing stuff up.
> to find a place to stay while in town and monitor for
> the new entity's movements.
Dr. C: What new entity? The only thing that I've seen so far is a mysterious
set of files that gave Nene upgrades up the ass.
T-chan: [smirks] U-.
Dr. C: SILENCE village idiot!
> Mega-Tokyo she decided was much
> worse with Genom and their grasp of the city but there was much
> she didn't want to do that wouldn't call attention to her
> existence.
Dr. C: I'm sure that the language was in english this time....
T-chan: I think that she said that Mega-Tokyo was worse off for being in
Genom's grasp and there's a lot that she wasn't going to do, because by doing it
she would not call attention to herself [clutches his head].
Dr. C: Now who's thinking to much about the fic?
> ------------------
>
> It wasn't long before Nene wondered why none of the people on
> the street noticed her unusual appearance. It was if she wasn't
> even there.
Dom: Maybe its because she's...invisible?
T-chan: [sniffling] And she didn't even strip down...
> >Query. Why are the people around me not able to see me?
Dom: [SYSTEM] Because you're still invisible.
Dr. C: [SYSTEM] Dumbass.
>SYSTEM. SEP is active do you wish to deactivate?
>
> >Query. SEP field?
>
> >SYSTEM. Somebody else's problem field renders object
psychologically invisible.
T-chan: How is that different from regular invisibility?
Dr. C: People see her, they just don't know she's there.
T-chan: But she's invisible!
Dom: Nene's currently on a crowded thoroughfare, right?
T-chan: Yeah.
Dom: So since she's supposedly really invisible, why don't people keep trying
to walk through her?
> It was during a musing over what new things her suit still had
> hidden in it when Nene bumped into a large man.
Dom: Like that fellow right there.
> "Sorry," Nene mumbled and pushed past the man.
Dr. C: Who was quite surprised to be spoken too, and then pushed aside by
absolutely nothing at all.
> The man turned to watch Nene make her way through the crowd on
> her way along. Turning he followed.
Dr. C: Arg! How can he follow her, much less see her when she's got the T. O.
camo and that SEP whatchamadinger!
[Dom and T-chan start slapping Dr. C.]
Dom: You're thinking about the fic! Snap out of it!
>
>------------------
>
>
Dr. C: [starts hitting himself in the head]
Dom: What are you doing?
Dr. C: I've got this damn ringing in my ears.
Dom: So do we; it's coming from the fic.
> >SYSTEM. Boomer approaching, ready combat systems.
>
> >Query. Boomer?
Dom: [System] Yeah, you know, androids, produced by Genom, go berserk on a
regular basis, principal foe of the Knight Sabers? Did I go and delete you're
head or something?
Dr. C: That's what this fic is missing, a digitial version of Batou.
>
> >SYSTEM. Man twenty meters back.
>
>It was then the C-55 boomer split it's skin and went on a
> rampage.
Dom: Because random destruction is what being a boomer is all about.
> Running to a nearby alley Nene considered her options.
T-chan: Well, I could always run away, call for help, or take on the boomer
single-handedly with whatever massively overpowered weapons the Deus Ex Machina
provided me with.
Dom: A 35mm handgun?
>
> >Query. what weapons systems are available for use?
>
> >SYSTEM. one
>
> >Query. What weapon is that?
Dom: A 45 mm silencer.
T-chan: No gun, just the silencer.
> >SYSTEM. micro-plasma inducer.
>
> >Query. clarify
Dr. C: Palm mounted weenie roaster.
>
> >SYSTEM. plasma machine gun
>
> >Query. effectiveness against boomer c-55 armor?
>
> >SYSTEM. medium to high.
T-chan: As long as the target's armor is made of processed meat products.
>
> >Query. effectiveness depends on?
>
> >SYSTEM. amount of times target hit.
Dr.C: [system] Dumbass
>
> >Query. what would one hit do?
Dom: Irk it something fierce.
>
> >SYSTEM. minimal damage.
>
> >Query. rate of fire on inducer?
Dr. C: 20 WRPS
T-chan: What does that stand for?
Dr. C: Weeneies roasted per second.
>
> >SYSTEM. 200 spm
>
> >Query. Arm inducer and bring targeting online.
>
> >SYSTEM. inducer online... power to 100%... targeting....
>
> Nene watched as her left forearm distended slightly and a
> muzzle formed near her wrist.
Dr. C: Apparently it meant 'arm inducer' quite literally.
T-chan: She's better be careful about how she scratches her head from now on.
> Looking around the corner for the boomer she saw it had ripped
> into the side of a nearby building
Dom: [hulk] Arrgh! Boomer smash!
T-chan: [boomer] Must destroy Knight Sa-! Oh, a china shop!
> and had decided that the ADP
> down the street
T-chan: It's Vicks and Wedge!
Dom: Ensign Redshirt and Johnny Throwaway to the rescue.
> were more a threat that whatever she could do.
> 'How dare IT think that!'
Dr. C: Aw, you can't blame the boomer for its programming.
T-chan: 1: Cause as much incidental property damage as possible. 2: Slaughter
any and all AD Police redshirts on the scene. 3: Then go after any knight
sabers that are trying to blow you up.
> Raising her arm she opened up. The small blue bolts ripped
> small chunks off the boomers back.
Dr. C: I do believe that she's annoyed it something terrible.
> It turned and jumped toward
> her with its fist drawn back for a punch.
Dom: Ayep.
> Nene involuntarily
> took a step backward. A bit of garbage caused her to lose her
> balance.
T-chan: All of that other kick ass stuff and she doesn't even get a gyro-
stabilizer? Boy, her Deus Ex Machina really sucks something fierce.
> With a roar the boomer the boomer swung its fist down
> at her. Nene closed her eyes and waited for the pain to start
> again. It didn't.
>
>SYSTEM. Target neutralized.
>
>Query. How?
Dom: [System] I just gave it a good smack upside the head with a P.C. Field.
T-chan: Query. Huh?
Dom: [System] Plot Contrivance Field.
T-chan: Query. Oh, okay.
Dom: [System] Dumbass.
>
>SYSTEM. Main database in boomer head hacked.
Dr. C: [boomer] Daisy, daisy...
>
> The boomer's fist had stopped about a foot from Nene's chest.
> It now offered this hand to help Nene to her feet.
Dr. C: Little known fact about Boomers. Deep inside, all boomers are perfect
gentleman. They also like cooking and needlepoint. It's just that nasty ol'
Genom programming that makes them want to BSU all the time.
Dom: BSU?
Dr. C: Blow Shit Up
> Nene reluctantly accepted it and stood up. It was then that a large
> blast blew her off her feet
T-chan: Why burritoes and boomers don't mix.
Dr. C: My bad, it BSUed anyway
> and into unconsciousness and the boomer to component parts.
>
> -----------------
>
>Who hoo chapter 1 finished!!
T-chan: [hopeful] That's it?
Dr. C: For the first chapter. Now we have chapter two.
T-chan: Drat.
> Off the dead pages this fic goes
>
> BGC Fic
> Ghost in The Shell
>
> By Battlekrome
> Warning this can be considered a DARK
T-chan: [coughs into his hand] Dork.
> fic reader beware!
>
> Prologue: MIA
Dom: Wouldn't that have been a more appropriate title for the last chapter?
Dr. C: You'd think that, unless...
T-chan: Unless what?
Dr. C: Hey fuzzbutt, I guess you were wrong; this is a darkfic after all.
Battlekrome killed off Nene in that last one.
T-chan: [throws himself at the safety glass] Nene-chan, no, you can't be dead!
Everybody, clap your hands! If you believe in fairies, clap your hands! [gets
pelted with cuchions]
> Nene came to with a headache. The last thing she remembered was
> being thrown through a wall by that boomer then a bright light.
Dom: Bad enough that a boomer roughed her up, but then she got tossed through a
wall by a bright light? I always knew she was the Knight Saber's official
pantywaist, but this is ridiculous. [Nene] Ahh! He's got a Mag-lite! Run!
Dr. C: As I recall it, the boomer never laid a hand on her, aside from helping
her up then mysteriously detonating.
Dom: I told you, boomer, burrito, stray spark, ka-boom.
> She keyed up a system and life support check. Systems read fine
> with nominal damage to systems and major damage to the weapon systems.
Dom: So they weren't really fine at all then, were they?
Dr. C: How can you nominally damage something?
T-chan: Hey, she can't be dead if she's reading the diagnostic! Yeah, Nene-
chan's alive!
> What wasn't good was the life signs read nothing. No pulse, no breathing, no
> nothing.
Dr. C: Wrong again fuzzbutt. According to those readings, she's deader than
the plot of Macross II.
T-chan: Waah!
> Nene rationalized the reading as a malfunction because there was no
> other way that she could be reading that data.
Dr. C: Brillant deduction little Miss I-have-no-pulse.
> Looking around she found
> herself in a hollow of rubble from a collapsed building. "Must of collapsed
> after I was knocked out".
Dom: MOO.
Dr. C: Moo?
Dom: Mistress Of the Obvious.
T-chan: Hey, cut her some slack! She just narrowly escaped death at the...err
hands of an explosively flatulent boomer!
> Nene pushed off the small chunks of concrete and brick off herself and
> sat up. Looking carefully at herself she realized that the file for damage
> assesment must of been corrupted beacause she knew that her systems
> shouldn't read no armor penetration when obviously she had holes in her hard
> suit.
Dr. C: Take a look, she can put her hand through her stomach and scratch her
back.
T-chan: Waah!
Dom: [stuffs a cushion down his throat] Shut up! It's just a fic.
T-chan: [sniffling] Oh yeah, I forgot.
> Scanning for thickness and possible openings in the rubble Nene saw a
Dom: Brightly lit exit sign...
> speck of light penetrating from above. Moving herself to look at the opening
> she saw clear sky above. In the light she gave herself a good look over,
> parts of the suit were blackened and charred and some black stains that
> might be dried blood.
Dr.C: Looks like she's down a pint or twelve.
Dom: Never before have I appreciated what a shapely liver she has.
> Nene realized if she was ever going to get back to the Knight Saber hideout,
> she'd have to radio for pickup or disguise herself and walk there.
Dom: Or she could always-
T-chan: [stuffs a cushion in Dom's face] We know already. Let it drop
> The first option was out of the question due to her comm system wasn't
> working and the Knight Wing was too obvious.
T-chan: Heya Bob, ya remember that gal that plugged herself into that
phonebooth, fainted a couple ah times, then went an turned herself invisible?
Dom: Ayep.
T-chan: Did ya see that big plane that just dropped outta the sky and picked
her up?
Dom: Ayep.
T-chan: Wanna see what's on TV?
Dom: Ayep.
>Looking closely at the opening she saw that she'd be able to get out in she
> could just push this one slab out of the way. With a quick query to her
> suits strength enhancements Nene realized that she could move it but just
> barely. Then something caught her eye in the HUD
Dr. C: Ouch. There's a reason why those things are usually made without hooks.
> her weapon systems in her right arm had been repaired.
T-chan: [blinks] It'd been broken?
Dom: No, we don't need the details, nosireebob.
Dr. C: If he gave us all the details then the fic would be longer.
T-chan: Ouch. Good point.
> Querying the system
> about all she was able to get out was that the weapon on a check had said it
> was operational. Nene didn't know much about the hard suits only that the
> mechanics of them were beyond her and the programming was also out of her
> area of expertise.
Dr. C: Is she good for anything?
Dom: She ties up boomers in a fight. They're so busy beating her up that they
forget about the real threats, like Priss, Sylia-.
Dr. C: Mackie.
T-chan: Hey! She's their support! It's her scanners that let the rest of the
Knight Sabers know where the weak points are on the boomers.
Dom: [snorts] At which point Priss just goes ahead and blows them away, or
Sylia cuts their head off with a laser blade, or-.
T-chan: She's useful I tell you!
Dr. C: I hear that they train combat boomers on punching bags with her face on
them.
> She realized that she'd have to look into this 'repair system' later.
> With a mighty heave Nene pushed over the slab of concrete
> blocking her exit.
Dom: [wolf whistles] With those holes in her suit, when she moves like that you
can see her-.
T-chan [smacks Dom in the head] Stop that!
Dom: [rubs his head] So you're the only one who gets to ogle her?
T-chan: Yes.
> Nene glanced around to make sure the coast was clear and then limped over to
> the dumpster that had been formerly
T-chan: Known as Prince.
Dr. C: Stop that.
> inbetween
> the two buildings. Rumaging through the trash there she found a large tarp
> that had been thrown out.
> "Well this will have to do" she remarked to herself.
>
> Cloaking herself with the tarp and pulling a pair of tattered gloves over
> her hard suit's 'hands' Nene moved off toward find where she was in relation
> to Raven's Garage or the Silky Doll.
Dr. C: Don't you think that the great big kaboom would've drawn some attention
at this point?
Dom: Ayep.
T-chan: Did we ever figure out just why the Boomer exploded?
Dom: I told you, burritos-
T-chan: Enough with the flatulent android jokes!
Dr. C: Well, whatever exploded also apparently took out a city block or two. I
think it might've been the AD Police who shot it once its back was turned.
T-chan: Don't be ridiculous, they're only allowed to die in puddles of their
own gore. Besides, when did they start packing miniature tactical nukes?
Dom: Actually, that kinda looks like what happens when someone starts playing
with the USSD's orbiting particle beam satellites. I think it was Cynthia, with
the beam satellite, in downtown Megatokyo.
T-chan: But I thought she decided to monitor Nene, not blow her up.
Dr. C: Observe, vaporize, you'd be surprised at how easy it is to blur the line
between the two.
Dom: [muttering] I'm sure I would be.
Intercom: BLATHERINGBLATHERSKITEXODATIOUSNEONSHINSKEJIPEATUNPRETTUBSKISKAM!
T-chan: [leaps at the airlock, and claws at the metal] Arg! I could be running
free on the Serrengetti chasing wildebeasts right now!
Dom: Since when do tigers live in Africa?
Dr. C: What are you talking about? I caught you in Central Park, running from
a pack of rabbits.
T-chan: [growls, leaping at Dr. C] Lies! I'm a wild tiger boy from darkest
africa! I'm a feral, bloodthirsty-,
[a ding is heard from the kitchen]
Dom: Hey T-chan, I think your quiche is done.
Dr. C: [laughs, dodging around the couch] A feral, bloodthirsty, quiche eating
tiger?
T-chan: Take that back! [leaps over the couch and chases Dr. C into the
bathroom. What follows is the sound of splashing, then a flush, and T-chan
walks out, looking smug]
Dom. [sniffs] I think your quiche is burning.
T-chan: [runs into the kitchen and yanks open the oven, pulling out a smoking
tray]. My quiche!
Dr. C: [emerges from the bathroom, dripping] Well if you hadn't been so busy
trying to drown me in the toilet you might've pulled that out in time.
T-chan: [sniffling] It's ruined....
Dr. C: [grumbling] Feral, bloodthirsty tiger my butt.
________________________________________________________________________________
-Looking around she found herself in a holllow of rubble from a collapsed
building. "Must of collapsed after I was knocked out"
MST notes: Well, that's the second fic in the bag. A bit more of an effort
than the first, because I didn't have the same wonderful inspiration that I did
for the first part of Hellstorm, nor was this one as rife with sheer badness as
Hellstorm was. To everyone out there reading this, I hope that it meets with
your approval, and any and all C&C is appreciated.
Msted by: Douglass Weeks
Stop by and visit Wonder Central, home of Doug's Fanfic Review, The Gospels of
Malachel, and soon to be home of Itinerant Press Productions:
www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Gulf/4127/Welcome.html
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geocities.com/tokyo/gulf/4127) (
geocities.com/tokyo/gulf) (
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