"What are you doing?" Lina screamed, kicking and punching. "Put me down this instant!!"

"I'm saving your worthless hide, you obnoxious little girl!" Zelgadis hissed at her. "What, do you want to go back to Xellos?"

"He's my partner! What's wrong with Xellos?" She yelled.

"Quiet down or we'll both get in trouble," Zelgasis hissed annoyedly. "What's wrong with him? He was slapping you senseless!" Zelgadis let go of her with one arm. "And, if you want to be let go of, I'd be glad to. Fly on your own, dammit."

Lina was silent.

"What's wrong? Don't want to use your own magic if you don't have to?" He sneered. "I don't know why I'm helping you."

"It's not that!"

"Then what is it, Oh miss know the world's secrets?"

Silence.

"Oh."

Lina bristled. "What do you mean, Oh?"

"That time of the month."

"It's none of your business!" Lina yelled, turning redder by the moment. She paused. "Why are you helping me? Not that I needed it."

"I felt like it."

"Oh, give me a break. Certainly, you just 'saved' your would be assassin, not that I needed it, far from it, For no reason other than you felt like it. Why?"

"I could drop you right now, you know." Zelgadis retorted, perturbed. How dare this little brat, who he was helping out of the admittedly dubious goodness of his heart, act liek she was in control. But...

With someone like Xellos, he could sort of see where one had to make themselves ion charge or go under.

"I felt like it."

"You said that. Why did you help, as you call it."

"Look do you want me to turn right back around and drop you at his feet?" Zelgadis yelled at her.

"Yes! Do that! Good!"

"I won't."

"Why the hell NOT?" Lina yelled, enraged. Zelgadis snorted.

"Why?"

"Because I..." Lina paused. Of course she had to go back. But Zelgadis wouldn't understand.

"I thought so."

"You thought so what?"

"I thought you didn't have a reason."

"I do too have a reason, you pompous little windbag!"

"Now we're resorting to calling names."

Lina scowled. "Look, you obnoxious, self absorbed little plotting fool, I have reasons. Just because you are not privy to them does not mean that I do not have them!"

"Give me a good reason to take you back and I will."

Lina paused. "I owe him."

"Owe him? Or love him?" Zelgadis snapped. Woah, he thought, Where did that come from?

"What?" Lina squirmed in his arms to look straight at him. "What are you talking about?"

He snorted. "Come on, I'm not a fool. Why would you let a guy push you around if you didn't love him? You're not the type to take anything from anyone, and yet you took his slaps as if he owned you."

Lina cringed. Little brat, Zelgadis thought. She deserves to cringe once in a while.

"I owe him, I said." She retorted, stung. "He...helped me once. I have to repay him."

"Is that why you do everything he says?" Zelgadis asked. "What did he do that's so goddamned almighty important?" Why am I so vehement? I must be angry. She did try to kill me.

Then why did I help her? When she didn't want help?

"He saved my life." She glared at him. "I was going to die, alone, and he picked me up and saved me. At no advantage to himself. I owe him."

"What, until you save his life? How? How long have you been 'repaying' him?" Zelgadis asked. "it's not a good enough reason."

Lina mumbled something.

"How long?"

"300 years."

"300 years? What is wrong with you? You've been underdog to that asshole for 300 years??"

Lina turned away. "I don’t see how it’s any of your business. It wasn’t your business to hit him with the chair. It wasn’t your business to run off with me."

"Then it’s none of my business returning you either." He replied too sweetly.

Lina glared. "Stop being a smartass and tell me what you’re getting out of this." She said tartly.

What was he getting out of it?

"Nothing."

"Then why did you ‘save’ me?"

"I don’t know." He hadn’t figured it out himself yet.

"Yeah right." Lina glared. "Why don’t you just drop me right here? It would get rid of a lot of problems. For you and for me."

He stared at her. "You’re giving up?" He snorted. "Guess I underestimated you."

"Shut up, asshole! What gives you any right to judge me?" She yelled, hitting him in the head. "For your information, I was just asking why you weren’t."

"Because I don’t want to."

"Don’t want to? What kind of an answer is that?"

"My answer."

Lina glared at him. "You really annoy me, did you know that?"

"I think we’ve been through this before."

"True things bear repeating."

"Well, then, if it makes you feel better, you annoy me too."

"I hop[e that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside."

"It doesn’t." Where did THAT one come from? What’s all this nonsense tumbling out of my mouth?

"Good."

"Bitch."

"Asshole."

"Snob."

"Jerk."

"Slut."

"I’m a slut? I have never even kissed a male, thank you, and I am not the one who slept with a damn seductress and got in all this trouble."

"Could you not bring that up please?" Zelgadis was getting a bit sick of this. It was all they ever did.

"Oh, poor dear, is that a painful subject for you?" Lina smirked. "I’ll keep that in mind and bring it up as often as possible, then."

He glared at her. "Has anyone ever told you you’re a vindictive little bitch?"

"Many times."

Zelgadis sighed. "Look. I just want to get out of trouble, okay? Obviously, you’re in trouble with Xellos. I’m obviously in trouble with Xellos. I’m obviously in trouble with my father. I’m obviously in trouble with the empress. I’m pretty sure you are too, now that she thinks you’re in the way of her marrying her daughter to me."

"And after I threatened her."

"You wha….well, yes, now you’re definitely in trouble with her." He paused why did you do a stupid thing like that?"

Lina bristled. "I don’t know."

"You had to have had a reason."

"Hey, I don’t know works for you, why not me?"

"I don’t know wasn’t working for me until now!"

"So?"

"ANYWAY!" Zelgadis stopped the argument right there. One more yelling match, and he was going to run into a tree or something. "Anyway, We’re both in big trouble back there, at least until my birthday."

"Then only I’m in trouble and you don’t have to worry about it anymore."

"Exactly."

"Prick."

"Bitch."

"Ass."

"ANYWAY! Don’t you think it would be a good idea to help each other and get out of this alive?"

Lina sniffed. "I’d rather die and take you with me."

He glared at her. "You’re not helping."

"I’m not trying to."

"You really grate on one’s nerves, are you aware of that?"

"Quite aware, thank you." I’m also aware that you stiffen every time I insult you. Taking it all to haeart, hmmm?

"I detest you."

"We’ve been through this three times already. I think I’ve got that down."

"Bitch."

"Ass."

"Brat."

"Jerk."

"Two faced little hellion."

"Sneaking upright bastard."

"Thoughtless little emotion-depraved kid."

"Imbecilic, gullible attention starved asshole."

"Unimaginative, bloody fucking snot."

"Idiotic, bestial, sheep-loving fool."

* * *

Gourry looked up from his window to see what was making all the racket at midnight.

"What is it, Gourry?" His wife Beatrice asked sleepily.

Gourry looked up at the floating forms above. "Looks like a couple ‘o them angels are a’fightin’."

His wife looked at him suspiciously. "’Ere, now, ‘ave you been in the liquer again?"

Gourry put his hand on his heart. "I swear, luv, I’m dry as ‘cin be. But up thar’s some’thin a flyin’ an’ cursin’."

"Let me see." Beatrice shoved him out of the way.

"Well, I’ll be. Call ma and have her get a look at this!"

Gourry, the ever obedient poor guy, ran off to his mother in laws room and got the same lecture about drinking. Well, I suppose there were some variations, what with all the My Daughter Never Should Have Married A Drunkard Like You speeches and You Should Realize How Loving She Is And You Don’t Care Enough About Her rants, but he finally got her to look out the window.

Ma looked at Gourry. "You are writtin’ these here phrases down, aren’t ya boy? Be nice to have this here angelic vocabulary for the henderson’s across the street."

Gourry bowed his head. "No ma’am, thought hadn’t crossed my mind."

"Well write em down, then!"

"Watch out for the tree!"

"What tre—That tree!"

"Veer left! Veer left! NO! You’re OTHER left! Watch out! WATCH OUT!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!"

She wiped away the tears. "That just goes to show that even angels ain’t perfect, and arguin’ with yer beloved can only cause grief. You remember that, now. Now get! I can’t sleep with you damn young ‘uns messin round here!"

Gourry headed back to his bedroom. To find his wife gazing at the window all misty eyed. "Beatrice?"

She sighed and turned her heartfelt gaze to him. "Oh, Gourry, the angels were so romantic!"

"Huh?"

"Don’t you see? They were obviously fated to die at the peak of their love." She sighed.

Gourry pondered this. Admittedly, Gourry wasn’t exactly gifted in the brains department, but he did try. "Sounded like th’ two of em were just in an argument. A big argument."

"But that’s the poetic irony, Gourry!" She sighed again. "Unduly crushed at the one moment they fought. How sad." She sniffed.

To Gourry it just seemed like they’d gotten in a fight and weren’t watching where they were going. Well, women were always like that. Oh well.

There was a knock on the door.

Gourry pulled on some pants and opened it. His younger sister Becky, in a bathrobe, appeared at his shoulder.

A rather bedraggled looking couple looked sullenly at them. One was a young man with violet hair, wearing what once must have been a very expensive and lovely doublet. It had seen better days, and some very bad ones, too, by the look of the rips and tears and pulls all over it and his leggings. The girl, a petite thing with bright red hair was wearing a grey wool tunic with black leggings and grey boots, her hair escaping from the black cap that apparently used to be holding it up. Both had branches and leaves stuck in their hair and clothing and anywhere else on one’s person it is possible to get leaves, burrs and twigs stuck. They did not look happy. The young man was wearing a slightly chagrined, though also annoyed, expression, while the young woman was looking very pissed off.

"Um…" The young man started, under the glare of the red haired girl, "We sort of ran into a bit of trouble, and were wondering if in your extreme hospitality we could beseech you to allow us use of a domicile to retire to?"

"Huh?"

The girl hit him in the head. "They’re not ALL obnoxious lords insulting each other with four syllable words in their spare time, dolt. Ever occur to you they might not know what retire to means other than what old people do?"

He glared at her. "Well, if you think you can do better, miss high and mighty, why don’t you try? I happen to be of fucking good breeding dammit, I talk like that because I’ve been trained to!"

"Inbreeding, you mean." She turned to the rather stunned Gourry and Becky. "DO you have anywhere nearby we could spend the night?" She turned back. "See? Easy. No stupid courtly add ons, no dumb flourishes and no fucking fourteen letter words! What kind of a word has fourteen letters?"

"Uncultured troglodyte."

"Each of those only has ten."

"Shut up."

Gourry looked at his sister, who was thinking. She always was much better than him at that.

"I s’pose you could use the old Tuckers house back that aways a bit." She stuck her thumb to the east. "They say that part of thet woods is haunted, after th’ Tuckers ran screaming from it stark ravin’ mad."

The young man and woman looked at the lady, and swallowed. "Ah," he managed, "That will do nicely. If you would be so kind as to show us the way, miss…"

"Call me Becky, lovely. And me an’ Gourry’ll show you the way, won’t we?" She nudged the man in the ribs. He glanced down at her and smiled. He pushed the blonde hair out of his face and grinned. "Sure!" He said cheerfully.

"Right. We wouldn’t want a beauty like you getting hurt in the dark any more’n you are now." She winked.

The young man blushed a bright crimson and tried to stammer a thanks. The girl rolled her eyes and hit him on the head. "Sorry about him. He’s been kind of neglected, and any female saying anything to him has him in blushes." She sighed.

He glared at her and rubbed his head. "I don’t blush over you. But then one could argue about your gender, as you seem to have nothing in the chest vicinity." He snorted. "And you’re not very feminine, either."

"What??? Why you pea headed, stuck up little anal crap headed anti-intelligence! There’s a hellovalot in my shirt than it you pants!"

"Excuse me? I assure you I—Why am I having this conversation???"

"You started it."

"I did not!"

"You did too! AND you got us stuck in this stupid little backwater province with nothing but the clothes on our backs by being such and idiot as to not look where you were going and ran us into a damn tree!"

"It was your fault!"

"How was it my fault? You were the one steering!" The redhead yelled.

"You were distracting me and hitting me over the head!"

"You’re the dolt who can’t take off again cuz of over exhaustion!"

"It’s not MY fault you tried to kill me!"

"Yes it is!"

Becky looked at them intensely. "Are ya two, like, a couple or somethin’?"

Stunned silence.

"Are we a WHAT?" The girl screamed.

"I should hope NOT." The young man huffed, glaring at his companion. "If I was, I’d want my sanity checked."

"EXCUSE ME!" The girl screamed at him, yanking his ear down and yelling into it. "I am just fine, hank you! The real idiot would be the one marrying a...a…a thing like you!"

Becky saw the boy stiffen. "Oh. So I guess ya all ain’t."

"Of course we aren’t!" The girl huffed.

"Ah." She nodded knowingly. "Ya all is just secretly in love."

The girl gaped. The boy followed the girls example, finally recovering enough to speak. He snorted and pushed some hair out of his face. "I don’t fucking think so." He said in a superior tone. "The man who loves THAT brat is going to have to wait a while for her to grow up."

"Why you…"

Becky smiled. "Oh good! I’d hate for a gorgeous guy like’n you to be took by a flat chested lady like her."

"By..by a WHAT?" The girl looked ready to kill. The boy blushed.

"Um, Lina, if you hurt them we won’t be able to stay here…"

Lina paused and looked at him. She struggled visibly for a moment. Then she smiled. "Why of course, he’s all yours dear. Just don’t do anything I wouldn’t, alright?" She was gritting her teeth.

"Of course."

* * *

"…damn fucking ladies man…"

"…obnoxious little flatchested bitch…"

Zelgadis and Lina both sat in the rather cramped cottage sulking in their respective corners. The room was the only room in the tiny hut, and it was only about eight by ten, with a fireplace in the wall. Not much room to try to ignore your partner.

"…stupid little thoughtless cramping menstrual snob…"

"…damn repulsive self infatuated jerk…"

But, we never said Lina and Zelgadis were ordinary people.

"I could be warm and cozy in a palace room right now, if you hadn’t grabbed me up and dragged me off. Now Xellos is even more angry at me and I’m stuck in some stupid little godsforsaken backwater country with no fire, not food, and no damn blankets!"

"And you’d be covered with bruises, I’m sure. Bitch, I helped you by keeping your precious partner from hurting you, okay? And I could be back there in my featherbed, too, so quit whining. And it’s not even nippy out, much less cold, why the hell do you need blankets? Never mind, I don’t want to know." He snorted contemptuously.

"I grew up in a warn country, okay? I hate the cold. And get your filthy mind out of the gutter."

"What? I never had it in there in the first place. You’re the one who seems to have a filthy mind, reading obscenities into what I say."

"I have no idea what you meant, you vermin. I heard it in your tone."

"Grow up and get a life, girl."

"I had one, thank you, until you dragged me off!"

"I’m sure. Running around like a lovesick puppy after Xellos-san." He snorted derisively. "You disgust me."

"The feeling’s mutual."

"I’m so glad."

They sat in silence for a while, each nursing their own private grudges.

"Zelgadis?"

"Your Highness to you."

"Fuck you."

"I’ve had better offers."

"From that seductress bitch, I’m sure."

"I thought I told you to drop that?"

"I thought I told you tough shit?"

They glared at each other.

"What were you going to say?"

"I thought I was a bitch? I would think you wouldn’t care."

"Now I do."

"Too fucking bad, highness-boy."

"Would you grow up?"

"Would you?"

They glared some more.

"I was just going to say that you could save yourself a lot of trouble holding up that illusion by dropping it. I’m the only one who’s going to see it, anyway."

"No fucking way."

"Get a life. You think I’m only suggesting that so I can laugh over your ‘o so hideous form’? Grow up. It’s not that bad, dolt."

"It is, and I won’t."

"It isn’t, and it’s your funeral."

Sulking silence again.

"You promise you won’t scream."

She snorted. "I didn’t last time, did I?"

"That was in the dark."

"This is, too."

Silence.

"Would you stop hesitating and stop already?"

"it’s a big deal, okay!"

"What, don’t tell me you even sleep with that disguise on?"

"Of course I do! What if a servant came in?"

"You are absolutely paranoid!"

"I’m absolutely cautious and not dead yet!"

"You’ve come pretty fucking close!"

"Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean someone’s NOT out to get you."

"Yeah, I heard that saying too. Take off the damn disguise, already."

"…."

"Well?"

"…."

"Oh, hell. Flow Break."

Zelgadis wavered from a boy with lily white skin and violet hair to a young man with blue skin, And silver-blue hair, with small rocks embedded in his skin. He didn’t change other than that. He was still drop dead gorgeous. Even though Lina refused to admit it.

"Was that so hard?"

"Yes!"

"You didn’t even do anything!"

"I still hate it! You’re laughing at me, aren’t you!"

"I’m not!"

"You are!"

"At how silly you’re being! You look fine!"

"I look like a monster!"

"You don’t look like a monster!"

"I do!"

"You don’t!"

"I do!"

"You don’t!"

"I d—why are we arguing this?"

"Because you’re an idiot!"

"I am not!"

"You are too!"

"Not!"

"Too!"

"Not!"

"Too!"

* * *

"Bitch!"

"Jerk!"

"Snob!"

"Bastard!"

* * *

"Washboard chest."

"We’ve moved ON from that subject! Lets be imaginative now!"

"Hair like a birds nest."

"Bastard!"

* * *

"I hate you! I hate you I hate you I HATE YOU!"

"We’ve been through this twelve fucking times!"

"That doesn’t change anything! I still hate you!"

"I hate you too!"

"I despise you!"

"I loathe you!"

"You infuriate me!"

"You ENRAGE me!"

"I wish you would fall in the lake out back!"

"I wish I could throw you in!"

Lina made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a snort.

"What was that?"

"I said I’d like to see you try.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yea—HEY! What are you doing?"

"I’m throwing you in the lake!"

"HEY! You can’t DO that!"
"I am!"

"Put me down! PUT ME DOWN! I—AA! No! Not! NOT HERE!"

"Alley OOP! HEY! LET GO!"

"No way! I go in, you’re coming with me!"

"LET G—AAGH!"

"EEK!"

SPLASH!!!!

Lina and Zelgadis pulled themselves from the freezing lake. Lina glared at Zelgadis, shivering.

"You happy now?"

"Ecstatic."

"Good. Because I’m not." Lina shivered. "Just what I need. I’m going to die of hypothermia cuz you were an idiot and dumped us in the lake."

"You were the one provoking me!"

"You provoked me to provoke you!"

"I did not!"

"You did too!"

They glared at each other.

Lina glared. "You get to get firewood because you’re the one who heaved us both in the pond."

"Fine, miss bitch."

The sky decided to downpour at just that second.

"So now the wood is drenched." Lina moaned. "Great. Just great. I’m soaked to the bone, in WOOL, no less, that won’t dry out in eons, and Now I’m in a downpour, the wood all around is wet now, And I bet the roof leaks."

"Well hurry up and try to get as much wood as possible before it gets drenched!" Zelgadis yelled, arms full of branches.

Lina sighed. "Fine, fine…"

* * *

"What? You mean out of all of that only this tiny pile is dry enough to light??

"That’s what I said, isn’t it?" Zelgadis answered irritably. He was cold, he was wet, and he was grumpy. At least there were no leaks in the roof. It was very watertight, thank heavens.

"How are we going to keep warm with a fire that miniscule?"

"We’ll have to try to dry off the other ones with it."

"Oh great. So we get to f-freeze, is th-that it?" She was shivering, and her teeth were starting to chatter.

"T-too b-bad." Zelgadis was freezing too. And neither of them had eaten since dinner. And it was around three AM. Not good. Not good at all.

"I am cold. I am wet. I am going to get hypothermia. And all you can say is too bad?" Lina ranted. She was in a really bad mood. On top of everything Zel was annoyed at, the was extremely susceptible to cold, and was on her period to boot. Admittedly, it was near the end, but it was still enough to make her miserable.

"Yes."

"Ohhhhh!!! You make me so mad!!!" Lina yelled. "I wish you’d just go throw yourself in the lake again!"

"We’re going to die anyway, I’m out of magic at the moment and too tired to use it, and you can’t because you--"

"That’s enough!"

"Anyway, there’s no way we’re going to keep from freezing to death in these clothes with no blankets."

Lian glared at him. "If you’re suggesting I take off my clothes there is no way in hell…"

"Your funeral." He shrugged out of his tunic.

"Wh-what are you doing?" Lina stuttered, making sure not to look at his now bare chest.

"Taking off my tunic. It’s not wool, it’s awful when wet, and I’m not going to let evaporating cooling freeze me even more." He sighed. "Thank goodness my leggings are wool, or I’d have to take them off too. Turn around while I wring them out."

Lina turned around.

"You can turn back now."

"Do you have them back on?"

"Of course I do," He snapped.

"Then you turn while I wring mine out."

He obliged her. She wrung out her clothes and pulled on the now only dripping instead of sopping tunic.

"Why isn’t yours dripping anymore?" She grumbled enviously at Zelgadis, who grinned.

"Because I’m not weak, and can wring out my clothes properly." He replied.

"Like hell!"

"To tell you the truth, I have super human strength along with this form, too."

"Not fair."

"Do you want me to wring yours out, too?"

Lina paused. "Promise you won’t look?"

Zelgadis rolled his eyes. "Oh yes. The only thing I want to see before I die is a kid naked." He snorted. "Do you want my help or not?"

Lina glared. "Turn around." She ordered, and handed him the tunic. He wrung it out. A hellova loy better than she did.

"Show off."

"I’m just not a weakling."

She yanked on her tunic and whacked him a good one over the head. Thank god this thing is knee length.

They sat there.

"I’m s-still cold."

"I-it’s because we stopped y-yelling at eachother and c-calmed d-down." He stated, matter of factly.

"S-so if we get in another f-fight we’ll warm up?" She asked.

"I d-don’t t-think we can d-do it on purpose."

"G-great."

They sat there shivering in silence.

"To think, y-you’re the last w-woman I’ll see b-before I d-die…"

"It’s n-not my fault, y-you jerk."

"Y-you could at least be a l-little prettier."

"S-so what? S-so what if I’m n-not pretty?"

"T-then we could cuddle up for warmth and I’d enjoy it."

"I hate you."

"I despise you."

"I detest you."

"I loathe you."

"I hope you DO die of hypothermia!"

"I hope you do too!"

"I’ll be glad because you went too!"

"You’re a bitch."

"And you’re an unfeeling asshole."

"You deserve to die."

"…am I really that unsightly?"

"What?"

"Do I really look like a kid?" Lina shivered.

Zelgadis gaped. "You were actually listening to my insults?"

"Of course I was, you ungainly chimpanzee!" Lina screamed. "Weren’t you?!"

"Well…I thought it kind of just rolled off you."

"Well it doesn’t, and you’re an unfeeling bastard."

"You’ve said that twenty eight times today." He said quietly.

"And it’s true, too."

"I know."

"Dammit! Stop being quiet and yell! I’m feeling guilty here!"

"No."

"You sadist!"

"Truth."

"AAARGH!"

* * *

"I-I’m c-cold….I’m v-v-ery c-cold…" Lina stuttered. "I c-can’t f-feel m-my ears…"

"I d-don’t t-think that’s a g-good thing."

"You b-bet your c-cute butt it i-isn’t."

"My c-cute butt?"

"Y-yeah. Y-you g-got a p-problem with t-that?"

"N-no."

"H-Hey, wh…w-what are you DOING?"

"W-we’re both g-gonna freeze if w-we s-sit like this."

"You don’t h-have to c-cuddle up t-to me like that!" Lina blushed a brilliant scarlet. He was holding her from behind, so thank goodness he couldn’t see her blush.

"If I don’t we’re both going to freeze."

"D-dammit, what d-does this have to do with logic???" Well, she was warming up, but she suspected that was from the blush.

"DO you want to die?"

"……no."

* * *