Sonjia: I save the world, and what thanks do I get? I get to sit around in a
wasteland and stare at dirt all day.
Jadarin: You didn't save the world. You were just hanging around with the people
who did. Besides, you came back here by choice.
Sonjia: Yeah, but there's nothing to do! I'm going to go nuts if I don't do
anything!
Jadarin: Wanna play a game? (pulls out fic) Knowing your attitude, this might be
right up your alley.
Sonjia: Lemmie see.... what's this?
The Dream
Sonjia: Hmph. Probably more like a nightmare.
It was a dark and stormy night.
Sonjia: See? Sounds like a nightmare already.
The Slayers took shelter at a inn called the "The White Spellbook Inn." A
bard named Mika ran it, but everyone called her Storyteller.
Jadarin: How much you wanna bet she's still called "Mika" throughout the rest of
the story?
Sonjia: I'll bet money she's a persona of the author, too.
Lina and the team were seated at a table in the corner by the window and the
bar.
Jadarin: It's a very small inn.
Gourry and Lina were fighting over the last piece of steak. Zelgadis and
Amelia were pretending not to know them.
Sonjia (Zel/Amelia): I don't know them, but I'm just sitting and conversing with
them for the heck of it.
Then the piece of steak was then fling at Zelgadis.
Jadarin: Rubber steak.
It landed on his head. "It's mine," Lina and Gourry screamed in unison.
Jadarin/Sonjia (Lina/Gourry): (halfheartedly) It's mine.
Then they both lunged at Zelgadis. Zelgadis try to run away but they were on
him before he could get away.
Jadarin: (jumps up) Dog pile!
Sonjia: Sit down! You're enjoying this far too much.
"Are you liking my inn Miss Inverse," Mika asked.
Sonjia: Anou... does this person know any punctuation other than periods and
commas?
Lina looked up and saw a slim woman in a white dress. Then Gourry plucked
the steak on the now hurting Zelgadis and ate it.
Jadarin: See? It was a rubber steak! He plucked it like a harp before he ate it!
"Hey you jerk, that was mine," Lina said to Gourry.
Sonjia: (sarcastic) Such force.
She slapped Gourry in the head and started to beat him into the floor.
"Are they always like this," asked Mika. "You caught them in a good day.
Gourry only got beaten up only three times today. It a new record." Amelia said.
Sonjia: (points back and forth) I lost track of who was talking there.
"Why do they call you the Storyteller, Mika" Zelgadis asked. "Yeah why are
you the Storyteller of Love," asked Amelia.
Sonjia (Mika): Because I tell stories about love. End of mystery. End of story.
Jadarin: Ho, it's not over yet.
"Why, I will show you," said Mika. She started sing about a love story about
Prince Lomara and Princess Okamashi.
Jadarin: The princess's name translates as "gay tendencies".
She sounded no different they a normal bard and then Zelgadis started to
feel drowsy and he look at Lina, Gourry, and Amelia. They too, were starting to
fall asleep. Also was everyone in the inn.
Sonjia: (singing) Jiiigglyyyypuuuufffff
He had to stay awake. I am so tired, Zelgadis thought. What was she doing to
us? That was the last thought he had before blanking out.
Jadarin: The author put Ecstacy in his drink so she could have a fun night.
When he awoken, he couldn't move. Zelgadis own could stare in front of him.
Then he saw Mika standing before him.
Who do you love Mr. Zelgadis
Jadarin: Whoa, I was right! She did drug him to get him in the sack!
Zelgadis heard her voice in his head asked. "Amelia," Zelgadis said. Why did
I say that, Zelgadis pondered? He saw Mika smile and disappeared.
Then Mr. Zelgadis was in the middle of a battlefield.
Sonjia: Oh, so he's "Mr. Zelgadis" even in the narration now? What a polite
author.
Jadarin: It's the least she could do to make up for drugging him.
He could move again. A man try to cut him down but Zelgadis punch him in the
mouth and the man flew into a tree.
Sonjia: And then Zel go to find spell checker to fix tenses.
Where am I, he thought. "Help me Mr. Zelgadis," Amelia screamed. I can hear
her, but I can't see her, thought Zelgadis.
Then he saw her. Someone was dragging her to a tower west off the
battlefield.
Jadarin (Yoda): Hrm, the tower west is. Go there you must.
His eyes widen in shock to see who it was. It was Rezo.
"She mine. Zelgadis you are a fool. Hahahahahah,"
Sonjia (Rezo): Me go to castle. You no stop. Me rule world. Ha ha ha.
Rezo yelled to Zelgadis. "Amelia," screamed Zelgadis and ran after them. He
pulled out his sword and cut down any man who stood in his way.
Jadarin: Including that procession of monks! Oh, the carnage!
Sonjia (monk): My son, whither you go in such haste? (makes noise of getting
mauled)
Suddenly he was in front of the tower. He could hear Rezo's insane laughter
and Amelia's torture screams coming from within. He busted down the door and
enters the tower.
Sonjia: He busted the door in the past, and only now decided to come back and
enter.
Orcs were waiting for him and attacked him. He cast a fireball and destroyed
them all. He saw a stairway leading to the top floor. He went up the steps and
before he knew it he was at the top floor. Lina and Gourry were lying on the
floor. They were out cold. Rezo must have done this to them, Zelgadis thought.
Jadarin: Oh, so Rezo must have been the one who drugged everyone!
"Rise my future Chimeras and destroy the traitorous Zelgadis," Rezo's voice
said.
Sonjia: While Rezo's voice gave orders, Rezo went off and made a cup of coffee.
Lina and Gourry got up. Their eyes were glowing red. "Light come forth,"
Gourry said in a drone-like tone.
Sonjia: They've been talking in drone-like tones this entire story. This scene
fails to shock me.
Gourry slash at Zelgadis. He ducks under the glowing blade and cast "Diem
Wing," at Gourry's back. Gourry flew down the steps. "Fireball," he heard Lina
scream.
The Fireball hit him and Zelgadis flew against the wall.
Sonjia: Lina just Fireballed Gourry for no apparent reason. I fail to see
anything wrong with her.
His sword slipped form his hands. Lina put on some mithril knuckles and
start pounding Zelgadis to the floor. Zelgadis then heard Amelia scream in pain.
Jadarin (Amelia): Rezo turned me into the floor! Stop pounding rock boy into me!
"Forgive me Lina," Zelgadis said. He pulled Lina's sword out and ran her
through. Her eyes turned back to normal. "Zel, how did you get here. Where Rezo?"
Lina said before dropping to her knees.
He pulled the sword out.
Jadarin: I could say something perverse about this.
Sonjia: You would. Please don't.
"Lina are you going to be okay," he asked. Just then Gourry, also back to
normal, appeared. "What happen to Lina," Gourry asked. Zelgadis look down and saw
that Lina was casting a healing spell on herself.
Amelia let out another scream of pain. "You save Amelia, I'll tend to Lina.
We join you when we can," said Gourry. Zelgadis nod and when to the door where
Rezo was torturing Amelia. He busted it down.
Sonjia: He was torturing her on the door?
Jadarin: Probably the closest thing he had to a rack.
Zelgadis enter the room. He saw Amelia being chained to the wall by Rezo.
"This ends now Rezo," Zelgadis said. "Mr. Zelgadis, help me please," screamed
Amelia
"Oh really Zelgadis. You think it the end.
Sonjia: (deep) Think it not the end. Rather, think it a new beginning.
It might be...for you," Rezo said. Rezo snapped his fingers and then he and
Zelgadis were telported to the roof of the tower.
"This will be the last time we met Rezo," Zelgadis screamed.
Jadarin: To prove his point, he threw them back in time to the last time they met
Rezo.
Then Zelgadis throw a fireball at Rezo. Rezo dodge it. Rezo return with a
fireball of his own.
Sonjia: Zelgadis dodge it. Zel throw ball. Rezo fetch.
Zelgadis duck under it and charged at Rezo. He slashed at Rezo several
times. Rezo, even though he is blind, parry Zelgadis's attacks with his staff that
magical appeared out of thin air.
Sonjia: I always wondered where he kept that staff.
Jadarin: Ever heard of "Hammerspace"?
"For a blind man, you parry well," said Zelgadis. "For a ugly man, women
sure like you," Rezo said. "Why do you want Amelia," asked Zelgadis. "I don't want
her, I want her eyes. They are perfect match to replace my old ones," said Rezo.
Sonjia: Oh my god! Rezo wants big, blue, sickeningly cute eyes? (pictures Rezo
with Amelia's eyes). This is just wrong.
"You monster," said Zelgadis. Then out of no where, Lina shot a Diem Wing at
Rezo, launching him into the air. "Zel cast Ra-Tilt, I use giga slave."
Jadarin: Oh, pshaw, the Giga Slave's just an ol' spell you can throw around
anywhere, anytime. No problem with this.
Sonjia: You'd know a lot about mindlessly throwing around a doomsday spell,
wouldn't you?
Gourry throw his Sword of Light at Lina. Lina turns it on.
Sonjia (Lina): I can't find the switch.
"Darkness beyond blackest night, deeper than the deepest pitch black,
Sonjia: Well, she's already messed it up. We're all dead.
He who shine like gold in the Sea of Chaos, I pledge to thee, I swear to
thee, let these imminent fools who stand before me be destroyed, by the power you
and I posses...Giga Slave," chanted Lina.
At the same time as Lina's Giga Slave came out, Zelgadis's Ra-Tilt came out.
Jadarin (Giga Slave): I'm gay.
Sonjia (Ra-tilt): I'm gay, too.
A black beam shot out of the Sword of Light, and a white beam shot out of
Zelgadis's hand. Both beams were aimed at Rezo, who was hundred yards above them.
Both beams hit at the same time. BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!
Jadarin: BAAAAAAANNNNNGGGGG!
Sonjia: Look at the pretty fireworks!
Zelgadis woke up in Amelia's room. He was on her bed, with her watching him
from the side of the bed.
Sonjia: Whoa! Where'd this come from?! Is it safe to keep reading?
Jadarin: I'll keep reading.
Sonjia: Hentai.
"Mr. Zelgadis, what took you so long to wake up, Lina and Mr. Gourry woke up
three days ago," she said. " You had me so worry. I thought you
were...sniff...sniff..." She started to cry.
Zelgadis sat up. "Please don't cry Amelia." Zelgadis said to her. He cradled
her jaw in his hand and leans in and kissed her.
Sonjia: O_O What prompted this?
"Mr. Zelgadis," Amelia whispered in shock. "I have always loved you
Amelia," said Zelgadis.
Sonjia: News to me. Besides, I always thought Lina, if anyone, was more his type.
Then he released her jaw.
He hugged her, and pulled her in bed. There, they kissed for hours.
Sonjia: Anou... Big bro, you'd better finish this one. It's starting to scare me.
Jadarin: Heh heh heh...
Sonjia: But no perverse comments!
Jadarin: (whimper)
Then the world around him vanished. So does Amelia. "Amelia, where are
you." screams Zelgadis.
"Right here Mr. Zelgadis," said Amelia's voice. "Where? I can't see you,"
said Zelgadis. "You have to open your eyes first Mr. Zelgadis," Amelia's voice
said.
Jadarin: Such is typically the best remedy for not being able to see anything.
He did so, and found out he was on the floor of Mika's inn. What happened he
wondered?
Jadarin: You got drugged, remember?
He gets up. "So Mika, we all was in Lomara role in the story you sing to us,
huh," Lina asked.
Jadarin (Mika): Yup! It was a story about a new recipe, the Lomara Roll, and you
were the main ingredients.
"Yes, you were the prince and your true love was the princess, your most
hated enemy was the evil villain and the friends you fight within the tower is
your most closest friends." replied Mika.
Jadarin: So does this mean Lina was a prince?
Sonjia: Reminds me of Utena.
Jadarin: I thought you were done with this story.
Sonjia: The mushy part is over. I hope.
"No way," said Lina," I know I like Gourry, but he can't be my true love."
As soon as the words left her lips, she regretted them. "Lina loves me back,
Yyyyeeeeesssssssssssss!" Gourry screamed. Before Lina could talk, Gourry grabbed
her by the waist, and gave her a deep kiss.
Sonjia: Spoke too soon. Bye.
Five minutes later. He let Lina breathe.
Jadarin: And then Lina. Beat the snot out of him.
Lina was dazed from the kiss. Before she could recover, Gourry pick her up
and took her to his room.
Jadarin: Ooh! (rubs hands together) Although that IS a tad sudden.
After a hour of waiting to see if fireballs would be flying out of the room,
Amelia said, "I guess Lina and Mr. Gourry are enjoy themselves. I guess you are
staying with me tonight." She smiled and inched closer to Zelgadis.
Jadarin (Zel): What makes you think that?! Get away from me, you little
opportunist!
"Mr. Zelgadis, who did you dream about," asked Amelia. You, Amelia, you are
what I dreamt about and not for the first time, was what he wanted to say. But
instead he stayed quiet.
The next day they left the inn. Zelgadis and Amelia didn't return together
into ten year later.
Jadarin: Only one of them went into ten years later, as is common in this story
where tense runs rampant.
"Zelgadis and Amelia, where have you two been," asked Mika "Who the little
girl?
"She is Hanako, our daughter," Amelia replied.
Jadarin: "Flower child"? Man, this IS a story about drugs!
"You and Zelgadis are married?" she said in disbelief. "Yes," said Zelgadis
The End.
Jadarin: Oh THERE'S an ending...
Sonjia: So, how did it end?
Jadarin: It didn't, really. It just kinda stopped.
Sonjia: Who the heck wrote this?
Written by Leonardo Castro, Alex, and Mika.
Sonjia: See? Told you Mika was a persona of the author.
Jadarin: It was written by three people with similarly bad grasps of verb tenses.
Sonjia: Maybe that's just a contemporary way of making stories timeless.
Jadarin: Anyway, did that ease your boredom?
Sonjia: It scared me.
Jadarin: So, if I find any more lying around, will you MST them?
Sonjia: ... We'll see...
This has been a presentation of Patches, the Good-Natured Lunatic, in an effort to
get back into character for the (hopefully) upcoming continuation of "Slayers:
God's Blood". And so I could try my hand at this MSTing thing ^_^
Stinger: "This will be the last time we met Rezo," Zelgadis screamed.
(
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