"THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED"

Life is difficult.       (transcend, solve, adjust)

Delayed gratification       (instant gratification)

The sins of the fathers.       (role model, the way to live, self-caring, self-worth, security vs abandonment, parental love, undisciplined discipline, words vs deeds)

"UNFINISHED BUSINESS" -- the INSECURED child within :

Families seem to reproduce in kind.      (a cycle to break)

"Dad, I,ve been thinking about your childhood and the difficult relationship with your own Dad.  I want to say thank you -- for breaking the cycle."

We dragged childhood coping strategies into adulthood, and the tactics that helped then, hurt now.

Normal families are held together by RESPECT (trust, hope) and love for each other.

OVERDOERS -- work, eat, spend, sex, pain, religon, control/ power, money, shoplift, abuse, emotion, excitement,
 
A wrong kind of unselffishness (external dependency, under-developed self)

Black-White   Over-None    (responsibility, sensibility)

Hero vs Scapegoat

"Don't feel; don't talk."    "emotional block"    "widraw"

Out-of-control --->  Panic/ mood change --->  Overreact

PERSONAL-DEVELOPMENT    (let-go, understand and forgive, paradigm-shift)

"THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE"

Self-Mastery --

1.  Purposes   (objectives, goals, needs, problems)

2.   Priorities

3.   Proactive

Public Victory --

4.   Win/ Win   (perception, ego, RESPECT)      (No Offense)

5.   Know You  (need, problem, agenda, motive)   (ATTENTION)   (good/ sinful nature)

6.   Synergize   (usefulness, cooperation, allyance)

Lifelong Learning --

7.   Sharpen the saw   (practise, renew and change)

PARADIGM   (the way of thinking, the thoughts, the pattern, the model, the map)

"FORRST GUMP" -- the movie

Run    (tactic 36, the gift of runing)

Steadfast love

Got a family    (a gift from heavens, out of gratitude respect and grace)

Mother    (yuan, time to die)

Frinedships,    Compassion,    Geneosity,

Simple-minded,    Right-way,

LEADERSHIP QUALITIES

1.  Ideas,   Vision,   Judgement,  

2.  People focus / Empathy,   Respect,   Reason

3.  Humility,  Courage,   Tenacity,   Resourcefulness ($$$, underground, force),   Enthusiasm,   Energy,   

4.  Awareness of ambition, conspiracy, underground activity,

5.  Extraordinary elements -->  Innovation,  Networking,  

LEADERSHIP

Timeline/ Timing    (politics, economy, technology, culture)    (trend, disrupton)

Purposes/ Vision/ Values/ Ideas

People/ Organization    (Informal/ Underground circles,  trade association, social club, country club, superior, peer, subordinate)

Strategies    (analysis/ design)

Execution

Review/ Thank-you    

UNDERGROUND WORLD                                                                                              

$$$$$$$$$   Power   Sex

Master   Top-dog   Core-membership   ism   Mindset   Organization   Approach

Secrete Police/  Secrete Society/   

All walks of life  

"YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND" (her style vs. his)    (asymmetrical communications)

INTIMACY vs Independence    (people, CONNECTION, CONVERSATION, consensus, CONFIRMATION, comforting, oneness, dependence, empathy, be understood, best friend/ confidant, suggestion, be liked, harmony, inner circle/ extended network, feelings)   (power, status, one-up, superiority, boss, ego, hierarchy, distance, privacy, autonomy, freedom, problem solving)

Fix EMOTIONAL PROBLEM First, by confirmation and understanding, then the real problems.

Metamessage  >> Telling a problem is a bid for an expresion of understanding, not solutions!

                      >>  "We are the same;  you are not alone."

                      >>  "We are not the same.  You have the problem;  I have the solution."    (communications failure)

One who gives advice is taking a superior position.   (objectionable)

She is big on problems, especially the emotional part.  (goes on and on)   (Emotions)   vs.    He jumps to the solution, ignoring/ denying emotional needs.   (done with it efficiently)   (Reasoning)

She talks with feelings and heart and no solution;  he with cool mind and insensitive heart.

Her feelings (emotional need) were belittled or discounted -- dissatisfied and unfulfilled in the end.

Respect for EMOTIONAL needs and fragile EGO -- a lesson for the rational left-brained geek.    (symmetrical social skill)

Be her best friend or confidant.    (Intimacy - Oneness - Shared privacy)

Show concern by following up by QUESTIONING ...    (don't change subject!)    (intrusive?)

Her Best Friend -- small trivial everything TALK TALK TALK (comfort, questions/ curiosity/ attention)    (in constant touch)

His Best Friend -- himself (most at ease) wife (sweet safe home) dog (loyalty) special-old-friend (genuine frienship) buddy (work, sports, hobby)   >> constant touch not necessary

Oral Interaction    (more of a need for her, than him)   >> wishing for a quieter less-demanding woman   >> wishing for a more verbally interactive attentive man

GOSSIP for the majority fools/ the morally inferior  (negative/ destructive, very likely)   (telling secrets, an essential part of friendship for MOST women)   (could she be trusted with secrets?)   (Power Play -- befriend high-status girls, gossip cmmon enemy/ friend, shared values/ views)   >> wishing for a wise woman

BETRAYAL    (exposed secrets, weaknesses, volnerabilities)   >> observe her loyalty, discretion, friends

His good conversation   >> impersonal, factual, task-focused content   (at a loss, when no "big talk" available)   (acquire a SOCIAL SKILL -- comfort, attention, ego talks)

Her good conversation   >> personal/ private content   (every-day living, life development, somebody else ...)

Details/ Involvement   << desired level of intimacy

No Lecture, thank you Sir !

Earn Respect, but also Resentment (by his way);   Be Liked, but lose Respect (by her style).   >> be SMOOTH/ supportive/ respectful, and CONFIDENT

she Low-key, not to Offend.    ( react, passive)   (connection, friendship, harmony)  (Jealousy, hard feeling))   (defensive)

he Assertive, to Persuade.   (competitive, aggressive, loose cannon, impress)   (status, power play)

Independence (he/ status)   Dependence (she/ connection)   Co-dependence (negative situations)   INTER-dependence (mutual, equal, connection)

Misinterprete her agreement (harmony, connection) as one-down status, as indicisive insecure.   (he Imposes on group; she reveals in private talk)

Symmetric  (supportive, equal, empathy, rapport, affility)   vs   Asymmetric  (competive, win-lose, conflict, confrntation)

"HOW WAS YOUR DAY?"   just relax and lister to her;   and she would be in heaven.

Relationship Energizing exercise   (a pretend fight, friendly argument, a playful exchange, TEASING, )

Fighting just to be nice   (his playful style)      Wolf words in sheep's clothing   (her subversive manipulative style)

At the different level:   Message (literal) vs. METAMESSAGE   (the unspoken words, between the lines, indirectness)

Flexibility!   Respond in kind -- in the spirit of play.   (shouting for shouting, fist for fist, challenge for challenge)   (respect for respect, grace for grace, on guard for metamessages)

For gainning ACCEPTANCE n her social world:   modesty, low-key, equality, sameness   (to avoid critisism jealosy gossip)

For acquiring POWER/ STATUS in his circle:  success, boast, difference, being somebody,   >> rejection resistance

Politeness   >> a sign of weakness? (his perception, one-down, rudeness = status,  a jungle rule)  (manipulation?)    sensitivity?  (her view, equality)

she anchor GAZE on each other's FACES, occasionally glancing away.   (look at me when I'm talking to you)

we are from different worlds !

Inequality at home:   the queen during courtship (false sense of intimacy & status)  >>  the king unveiled in married life (sex discrimination & reality)   (intimacy lost,  status reversed)   (the queen in power struggle, the maid disillusioned, the wise lives with the decision respectfully)   (displace power struggle with RESPECT)   (ATTENTION restores intimacy)

the imparting of "Personal Info" is the fundamental material of intimacy, withholding info deprives her of the closeness.

Adjustments and Accommodations    (see from the other's perspective -- YOUR WAY vs. my way)

RESPECT;   ATTENTION/ YOUR WAY/ EMOTION/ CURIOSITY/ Metamessage/ Sensibility

"THE SECRET OF SAVVY NETWORKING"   - reciprocal process/ exchange of favors

Giving back is expected;  No Free Lunch.  (power play. talk, reveal, social)

Cheap vs. Gracious   (appearance)

It is a lifestyle (personality).      It means bu$ine$$ - not just for fun which is the cover of the underlying anxity.      It is about meeting people for motives..      It is a game with the reciprocal rule (aka courtesy)       Play it or be doomed.       It is a religion for $ucce$$ -- "bow down and all of this will be yours".      People/ social skills are needed.

CONNECTION / Relations / PR / Politics / Interest / Synergy / Alliance / Diplomacy --  appearance / status symbol / expense account

It is not what you know; it is who you know or who knows you

KNOW-WHO vs. Know-How

Networks/ Circles/ Groups of people    --  plentiful  diverse  expansive

Formal, INFORMAL/ UNDERGROUND organizations      Written, Unwritten RULES / Courtesy     (fee, commission, kickback, payback, $$$$$$$$$)

>>> be-seen, smile-n-eye-contact, break-the-ice, talk-the-SITUATION (how was your day), curious, PARTICIPATE, volunteer/ supplies/ jokes, negotiate/ GIVE-n-take, follow-up/ follow-thru, <<<

Magic words -- Please, Thank you.   (The networkers have a big ego. They would retaliate, if the rule of courtesy/ acknowledgement is ignored, especially when $$$ is involved.  Reputation destruction by sending gossips thru the network is common.)

CURTESY:  (thank-you note, flower-balloon, food-wine-cookies-candy, gift, lunch-dinner, ticket, magazine-book, donation-in-honor-of)

Pay respect/ attention to the host;  be conscious of his/her contributions

Work smart + hard (as an investment in career, business)

Small talk, big payoff

If you haven't established a network of ... by 40, you are in trouble.

Touch Base, or out!    touch base when you need nothing (just to say hello) (network maintenance) (follow-up, warm-call)   FOLLOW-UP  FOLLOW-THRU  ACKNOWLEDGE

Good match --  energe level, pace, tone, listening skill, laughter level, vanity, interest, value, lifestyle, chemistry

OBSERVE --  what is goint on (situation)?  relationship?  money?  sex?  wdWtw--wwW&h

GRAPEVINE --  source/ outlet        GOOD-MOUTH people

MENTOR --  god-father/ peer-alliance/ informal-network/ retiring-outgoing-collegue/ competitor

                   1. chemistry    2. in-favor vs. out-of-favor

Mentor Trauma (insecurity to let-go, emotional attachment)

PROTEGE --  1. meet for at least 1 hour each month   2. report on progress  3. ...