Reply at akun16@hotmail.com
(Turn off the lights and watch as your screen explodes in
3....2....1....just kidding.)
Hey there, everyone. I'd just like to say that in this
series, I'm only C&Cing and making witty comments. I don't,
in any way, mean offense to any of the authors or
original show Mystery Science Theater 3000, who have spent
hours on end working to make this idea possible to form in
my head.
My anime friends are from these worlds: MST 3K (I have
to use Cambot after all!), Sailor Moon, El Hazard, Ranma
1/2.
Please don't sue me!
Enjoy! ^_^;
(This might be a bit difficult to sing...)
There was a senior in high school named A-kun,
He had two brothers who worked at M.H.I,
One day they brought him in to clean up the place,
But they didn't like the job he did so they shot him into
space...
(Hey! You can't do this! I know people! REAL people!)
(Yeah, but they're the ones paying us to do this!
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)
We'll send him cheesy fanfics,
The worst we can find! (lalala)
He'll have to sit and watch them all
and we'll monitor his mind! (lalala)
Now keep in mind A-kun can't control
where the fanfics begin or end. (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
to summon his anime friends!
Anime Roll Call:
Cambot! (Pan left.)
Ami Mizuno! (Hi there!)
Ifurita! (What is the purpose of this?)
Ranmaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...(I'm DIFFERENT!)
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes,
and other science facts, (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show,
I should really just relax!
For Mystery Anime Theater 2000...
[In space, a giant stapler is floating over Earth. This is
the Satelite of Anime. We enter...]
A-kun: Oy. Last time I drink my own 'Screw-You-Driver'.
Ami: Any more aspirin?
Ifurita: [popping them like Peanut Butter M&Ms] Here ya go.
[The comm. button begins flashing.]
Ranma: I hope we don't get trash like that 'Full Moon Fiend' again.
A-kun: Hush, or he might send the other two parts.
Ranma: AAAGHH!
[A-kun pushes the button]
[Deep Throat 4]
Dr. Matheus: Hey-ho. You're getting the second part of Full Moon Fiend.
[SOA]
A-kun: Thanks, Ranma.
Ami: Say, why aren't we doing any more invention exchanges.
A-kun: Saves time.
Ami: Ah...huh?
[The warning sirens go off.]
Ifurita: Forget that, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!!
[They all scramble to their access ports.]
[Door 6: It's a bunch of government tape. You take out a squirt gun and shoot twice. The tape curls up and becomes useless.]
[Door 5: It's Akane's cooking. You let off three N2 mines before it finally becomes weakened enough that you can pass.]
[Door 4: It's a shower curtain. You pull it back to reveal Ranma-chan and Ami doing interesting things. They slap you and send you flying to the next door.]
[Door 3: It's an extra. You get in a nearby BMW and run it over, laughing evilly all the way.]
[Door 2: It's a door of air. You walk through, wondering where the door is.]
[Door 1: It's a vault door that opens for you.]
[Ifurita enters, followed by Ami, A-kun and Ranma. They sit in that order.]
A-kun: Next on Sixty Minutes, an interview with
><<<<<>>>>>
Ranma: I'd actually like to see that. Wonder when they'll get around to it.
>Starring in
>Attack of the Full-Moon Fiend, Part 2
Ami: Not much of an attack so far, ne?
>The Sailor Senshi's Last Stand?
A-kun: If this is truly part of a lemon series, heck no.
>a piece of Fan Fiction
Ami: Shouldn't you....ah, screw it. My head hurts.
>Written by Wesley Reece
Ranma: So long as he doesn't throw feces, I'm fine.
>A.k.a. Bowser_DaHound or Bad Boy Bowser
A-kun: Hey, Wesley. Choose a name. It's not _THAT_ hard.
>LEGAL STUFF: If you read Part 1, you know all the necessary >copyright
>information. Just forget this part and get to the story.
Ifurita: Right, forget this story and remember this part.
>PROLOGUE: by Bad Boy Bowser d::-)
Ranma: Anyone figured that out?
Ami: Nope.
Ifurita: Uh-uh.
A-kun: Nada.
>-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=->=
> I don't have much to say here that I didn't say before >Part 1. I just
>hope that you will enjoy this story, the second in the >Full-Moon Fiend trilogy.
>-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=->=
>(FADE IN: INT., NEGAVERSE SKYBASE OVER TOKYO)
>(We see Rubeus and Catsy sitting on two of the pedestals.
A-kun:...the hell? What pedestals? Look, just say they're standing. You'll confuse less people. Besides, I don't think they ever sat on those pedestals. They're probably freezing anyway.
>Absent from the scene
>are Birdie, Avery, and Prisma.)
Ami: [Rubeus] Damn budget cuts.
>Rubeus: (to Catsy) I'm sure glad we decided to give those >sisters of yours a day
>off so that they could go shopping.
Ifurita: [Rubeus] How stupid am I?
Ami: [Catsy]: Very.
>Catsy: Yes, I haven't seen any action since we first got >here. What do you say
>you pick a Crystal Point at random, and let me go conquer >it?
Ranma: [Rubeus] Duuuuuuh, I like fish. Small fish, big fish, blue fish, silver fish, gold fish, bubblegum fish, fried fish, deep-fried fish, broiled fish, boiled fish, baked fish, toasted fish, singed fish, exploded fish-mmmph-mhmmmphmhmmhmm!
A-kun: Ranma, quiet.
>Rubeus: Capital idea! How do you propose we pick this >point?
Ami: 'Capital idea!'? [snickering] I don't think Rubeus can use a word THAT big.
A-kun: Not to mention he can't prounounce words with more than six letters, so 'propose' is out of his vocabulary. And six letter words are a stretch of his vocab.
>Catsy: (produces a 10-sided die) Use this. I've seen >people play games with
>things like this.
Ranma: [Catsy] Man, were they perverts or what?
> Just attach numbers 1-5 to the points. You roll a >number;
>I'll divide it by 2, and round to the nearest whole number.
Ami: [Rubeus] What the hell are you saying? Divide, roll, whole number, points, nearest, numbers, attach? What do these words mean?
>The point with the
>number that results is the one we'll go after.
Ranma: Smaller words, Catsy. You're losing Rubeus.
A-kun: [Rubeus] Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh. System error. Information stored may be lost.
> (Displays the face marked 0)
>This face translates into 10.
A-kun: [Rubeus]: That makes no sense. Why can't 0 be 0 and if it's 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, or 9, we kill the wiseman.
Ami: [Catsy] Then we better enchant it to land on 0.
>Rubeus: (Nods his head) Sounds good to me. (Takes the die >from Catsy
Ami: [Catsy] GIVE IT BACK, YOU BOOGER!
> as the
>Crystal Map appears in the center of the base. He shakes >the die and rolls a
>7.)
A-kun, Ami and Ranma [Rubeus, Catsy and Wiseman, respectively] KILL THE WISEMAN!!!
>Catsy: (Does some mental calculations)
Ami: Consults a Cray supercomputer, tosses data back and forth with the MAGI supercomputer, checks her calculator fifty times, asks six math teachers, gets a stick of dynamite and promptly blows the $#!+ out of the die. Finally, she just decides on her favorite number.
> Okay, that equates
>into 4. Show us
>Crystal Point number 4. (The map reveals that said point >is at a flea market.)
A-kun: Come on. There's at least thirteen episodes where they're after a crystal point and each time it's a different place. Besides, they have to 'consult the wiseman' to find another point.
Ranma: What's the point of filling a zone with Nega-energy?
Ami: They think it'll keep us from being able to use that point later or some useless crap like that. Maybe they'll build a Wal-mart on the spot.
>Excellent. Now, what monster shall we use
Ranma: Monster? Don't they mean droid or whatever those robots are?
A-kun: Apparently, our industrious author is trying to make their creatures more fearsome by calling them monsters or he's just being a dork.
> to take over this point?
>Rubeus: Leave that to me. (Touches two fingers to the moon >in his forehead.)
All:...the hell?
Ami: How does he see if he's got a moon on his forehead?
Ifurita: More importantly, how does he keep from being crushed by it?
A-kun: Or is it his extra pair of ass-cheeks?
> I
>summon the services of Adrian Atkinson!
All: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwww!!!!!
> (A black fan with a full moon on it
>pierces the ground. It vanishes, and a young man appears >in its place.
A-kun: Okay, I want to know how friggin' big that damn fan is or how small he is.
Ami: Hey, hey. No need to get offensive.
A-kun: I mean height-wise.
Ami: Oh. Sorry.
> He is
>moderately tall, somewhat hefty, and wears glasses.)
Ranma: All I can say is that if he's really on evil's side, he has to be either really stupid or really pathetic.
Ami: Of course, the Wiseman recommended him.
Ifurita: OH KAMI-SAMA!! ADRIAN LOOKS LIKE THE WISEMAN!!!
All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!
>Catsy: (Scoffing) THIS is your Adrian?
> You can't be
A-kun [Catsy to Rubeus]: -Rubeus! He's too stupid to be using Adrian!
>serious! Eep! (She face-
>faults as Adrian suddenly charges her. He grabs her left >arm with his left
>hand, spins around, grabs the back of her head with his >right hand, and tosses
>her to the ground.)
Ami: Hey, Wesley. It's politically incorrect for him to be hurting her for no good reason.
A-kun: Ami, Ami, Ami. Hasn't Haruka taught you anything?
Ranma: Yeah, Adrian's obviously a better cross-dresser than even Tsubasa.
Ami: You mean he's.....really a....she?
A-kun & Ranma: DING DING DING DING! That's RIGHT, Ami!
>Rubeus: (Chuckling softly to himself.) You shouldn't have >taken him lightly. That really sets him off.
[Adrian walks over to Rubeus, then spontaneously explodes, killing both of them.]
All: YEEAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Ifurita: MORE BLOOD!!!
>Plus, there is more to him. (Turns to Adrian.)
[Ranma and A-kun struggle to keep their lunches down.]
Ami: I'd rather see Motoki and Mamoru doing it than see this.
Ifurita: I'd rather see Jinnai and Deva doing it than see this.
>Adrian: (Strikes a pose) I am also known as the
A-kun: Eternal Pansy?
Ranma: Fem-Boy?
Ami: Loser?
Ifurita: Wimpy?
> Full-Moon
All: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
>Fiend where I come
>from.
A-kun: [rolling his eyes] Jeez, he makes Kuno look like a super-genius.
> You saw my entrance.
Ami [Catsy]: Yeah, it was lamer than any other entrance. Hell, even Sailor Moon's entrances look original compared to YOUR crap.
> Just say that I'm gonna be able to kick butt and
>take names, and I'll be happy.
Ami [Catsy]: What if we don't?
A-kun [Adrian]: Then, I'll be unhappy.
>Catsy: We hope that you will.
Ami [Catsy]:...Clean the toilets. For a long time, they have been clogged and backed up. You will do your best to clean them, won't you?
>Adrian: (Jumps into the air) YES!
A-kun: Eager to clean toilets? Man, the more I know about him, the less I want to know.
>Rubeus: (Points to the Crystal Map) And this is the >backdrop.
A-kun: [Rubeus] So, Dumb-Ass Fem-Boy, how are you going to take over this place?
Ranma: [Adrian] That's Full-Moon Fiend.
A-kun: [Rubeus] Yeah, whatever, Dumb-Ass Fem-Boy.
>Adrian: (Recognizes the location) Hey, I've got a booth >there!
Ranma: [Adrian, thinking] Ever since some guy on the internet told me to blow up my computer and incidentally burnt down my house, I've had to live at that Flea Market. WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! I'M SUCH A FRIGGIN' DORK!!
> We can work out of it!
A-kun: [Adrian, thinking] WE _HAVE_ TO WORK OUT OF IT! I HAVE NO LIFE!!
Ranma: [Adrian, thinking] MORE OF MY PATHETIC ATTEMPTS TO GET A BIG WIENER!
A-kun: Man, never knew he wanted a hot dog THAT badly...
Ranma: Uh, not that kind of-
A-kun: Ranma, I'm ten seconds from powering up to Super Saiyan A-kun mode. Don't piss me off.
Ranma: Yes, sir.
>Catsy: Well, let's go then. (Catsy and Adrian step through >the mirror with the
>flea market's image.)
Ami: [Catsy] Good thing I've got plenty of Flea Repellent. Just hope I don't have to touch this greasy wuss.
>(ORB SCENE SHIFT: INT., FLEA MARKET, A COVERED BOOTH)
>(Catsy and Adrian appear in front of a covered outside >booth.)
All:....the hell?
Ifurita: So...is it a covered booth or an outside booth?
Ami: I have no f^*king idea.
>Adrian: This is my booth. I sell all sorts of stuff here.
Ranma: [Adrian, thinking] Or at least I _WISH_ I sold all sorts of stuff here. I'm such a loser, no one even looks at me when they spray this booth with Uzi or Machine Gun fire. They don't even pause to reconsider lobbing grenades and bio-chemical weapons at me.
>(His watch beeps.
Ranma: You.have.mail.
>He looks at it and face-faults as a giant sweat drop >forms.)
A-kun: [Adrian] OH NO!! MY BOMB DETECTOR WENT OFF!!
Ami: [Catsy] There's a bomb nearby?!
A-kun: [Adrian] NO! SOMEONE'S PLANTED A NUCLEAR BOMB IN ME!!
[The bomb detonates, killing Adrian and destroying the flea market. Catsy is strangely unaffected, save for her new green skin.]
Ami: [Catsy] I AM SHE-HULK!!
> Oh, no! I was
A-kun: [Adrian] always a loser!
>supposed to meet someone here. Catsy, you work the booth.
Ami: Excuse me? He swings her around and suddenly she's just going obey every word out of his mouth? Hell no. Wesley, think about it REALLY hard, okay? The sister's hold grudges, they _DON'T_ follow orders from anyone but Rubeus or the Wiseman.
>Catsy: Sure thing. (She begins setting up shop as Adrian
A-kun: remains a loser.
>bolts.)
Ifurita: as 150 mm shells explode behind him.
>(TIARA SCENE SHIFT: EXT., FLEA MARKET, SIDE ENTRANCE)
>(We see Raye and Ami standing outside a side door, >talking.)
Ami: [Ami] Man, I'm glad that stupid Author incarnation is dead.
A-kun: [Raye] Yeah, I hate them. I wish someone would just kill losers like that.
Ranma: A tad hypocritical, aren't you?
A-kun: I learned my lesson well. Besides, it usually made for hilarious scenes more often than not. Not to mention that this story has gone virtually NO WHERE. Even with my Roku-Bun No San, I did SOMETHING.
>Raye: Are you sure this is the place that he told us to be?
A-kun: [Raye] Who the hell is this loser? He _DARES_ call us up and _ASKS_ us to be here. I say we transform and kill him.
Ami: [Ami] I second that motion.
A-kun: What motion would that be-*POW*
[A-kun is on the ground.]
>Ami: Absolutely. He said to be at the side entrance.
Ami: [Ami] We've set up more traps than normally possible, but since this is a fanfic, we can even use themonuclear weapons and not get hurt.
>Serena: (Approaching the group) Hey,
All: GAAAH!! DON'T DO THAT!!!!
> have any of you seen Luna and Artemis yet?
>Raye: I think they went with Mina and Lita to meet up with >Reeny and Darien.
Ifurita: [Serena] Wait a minute! You took your eyes off of them?
Ami: [Raye] Yeah.....
Ifurita: [Serena] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGG!!!
Ami: [Raye] What's wrong?
Ifurita: [Serena] Remember when I told you about that radio station incident with Jadeite?
Ami: [Raye] Yeah, when Minako came by we heard....them.... on the radio.....
Ifurita: [Serena] Luna said she liked it.
Ifurita, Ranma, A-kun and Ami: [As Serena, Raye, Minako, and Ami respectively] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGG!!!!!
>Ami: (Looking off towards the side) Speaking of which, here >they come now. (Cut
Ranma: Cut, cut! Now, destroy the remains of this fanfic and we'll be done forever.
Actors in the fanfic: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!!
>to show the others running towards the group at a steady >clip, all panting
>heavily.)
Ranma: Who the hell are these 'others' Wesley is mentioning?
Ami: And what about this 'group' they're running at with a steady paper clip and panting heavily?
Ifurita: I wonder what they're doing-*WHAP*
[Ifurita rubs the back of her head where Ami whapped her.]
>Luna: Hello there, (huff, puff)...
>Artemis: (pant, pant) Sorry we're late.
Ifurita: OH FOR KAMI-SAMA'S SAKE, WESLEY!! We _DON'T_ ABSOLUTELY _NEED_ to know what Artemis and Luna are doing!!!
>Darien: We missed the bus and had to walk (pant, wheeze).
All: [in unison] Darien has a car and a motorcycle. He doesn't need to take a bus.
>(The four latecomers
Ifurita: Like I said, Wesley, we don't need to know what they're doing!!
>stop beside the first three and catch their breath.)
A-kun [Darien]: Damn breath! Keeps leaving me when I need it! [runs around a bit, until finally] GOT IT!!
>Reeny: Yeah. Usually, it's Serena who's late. (Pulls a >face.)
Ifurita: Reeny, let go of my face before I make you wish you had never transcended time and space.
>Serena: (Pulls one back) Well, that was NOT the case today!
Ranma and Ami: [to A-kun and Ifurita] This is a sign of the Apocolypse, isn't it?
A-kun: Sorry, can't tell you.
Ifurita: I am not allowed to give out this information until it is time.
>Mina: (Looks around) Hey, where's Adrian?
Ifurita: [Lita to Ami] Why does she want to know?
Ranma: [Ami] She thinks it's the sequel.
Ifurita: [Lita] Oh that makes sen- huh?!
> (Raye, Ami, and Serena shrug their
>shoulders.)
A-kun: [Ami] Who needs that greasy loser, anyway?
>Lita: It's not like a person to invite you some place, then >show up late.
[The MAT 2K crew are quiet as they know to say something would most likely cause an interstellar war.... again.]
>Adrian: (Bursts outside via the side entrance) Hi, gang.
All: [the Sailor Senshi, Luna, Artemis, Darien and Reeny] GET LOST LOSER!!
Ami: Hey! Wait a minute! We saw him captured!
Ranma: Yeah, but Adrian probably gave them some B.S. about managing to-
Ifurita: Fight his way out? HA!
Ranma: No, gross the Sisters into throwing him out of the ship.
A-kun: Managing? Ha! The sight of him would make anyone retch.
>Sorry I'm late.
All: [The good guys] YOU'RE THE LOSER WE WAITED FOR?!?!
>(The
>entire group eeps as giant sweat drops form on each of >their heads.)
Ifurita: [Lita] I forgot my vulcan cannon, guys!
Ami: [Ami] I forgot my flame-thrower!
Ranma: [Serena] I forgot my rocket launcher!
A-kun: [Darien] I forgot my sniper rifle with pop dispenser and refridgerator!
Ifurita: [Minako] I forgot my 3WA issue pistols and Bloody Card (tm)!
Ami: [Luna] I forgot my gatling gun!
Ranma: [Artemis] I forgot my Grand Cannon (tm) controls!
A-kun: [Reeny] I forgot my Guyver is still on me! GUYVER!!! [Reeny turns into Bio-Booster Guyver Reeny] MEGA-SMASHERS!!!!
[Adrian is annihilated.]
All: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY!!!!
Ami: Eeeeeeeeewww!!! There's still a grease spot where he was-
[We see the vapors coalesce until Adrian re-appears.]
All: GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!
>Serena: (Whirls around.) Don't DO that!
A-kun: [Bio-Booster Guyver Reeny] You care to repeat that?
Ranma: [Serena] Sorry!
[Reeny reverts to normal.]
>Ami: (Recovering) I believe an explanation is in order.
A-kun: Yeah, like "how can you withstand the Mega Smasher?"
>(Folds her arms.)
Ami: [glaring at Ranma, Ifurita and A-kun] And if any of you make the comment "And put them under her bed", I'll hurt you.
[Ranma, Ifurita and A-kun remain silent.]
>Adrian: Well, I had to set up my booth, and I didn't leave >any time to reach our
>chosen meeting place.
Ami: Like Adrian's _THAT_ smart.
Ranma: I bet he can't even quantify the perverbial consciousness required to attain REM sleep.
Ifurita: Huh? [to Ami] What did he say?
Ami: Ranma was merely chatting about Adrian's lack of intellect is at a such a state that he would not be able to comprehend the state of consciousness known as REM sleep.
Ifurita: [to A-kun] Do you understand them?
A-kun: No. Ignore them.
> So I had my sister open the booth while I came to meet
>you.
A-kun: [angrily] You COLD-HEARTED BASTARD!!!
Ami: [fuming] Leaving your greasy sister near a furnace at your booth. What a sick thing to do.
> I didn't mean it.
Ifurita: That must be Wesley, apologizing for the fanfic.
>Raye: Well, your apology is accepted.
Ifurita: [Raye] NOT!!
> Now, let's have some FUN!
A-kun: [Raye] WITHOUT the guys or the cats or Oscar or Adrian or that weird fellow named Peter Con.
>All: RIGHT! (They all turn to enter as Adrian lead the >way.)
Ranma: Ah, they're letting Adrian lead to get rid of the land mines.
Ami: Plus, he can take more bullets to the skull.
>(TIARA SCENE SHIFT: INT., FLEA MARKET, NEAR SIDE ENTRANCE)
Ranma: Once again, I fail to comprehend Wesley's lack of-*WHAP*
Ifurita: Stop that!
Ranma: Stop what, may I ask?
Ifurita: All that fancy talk!
Ranma: All right, but I certainly hope the more intellectual portions of society will no doubt miss my-*WHAP*
Ifurita: Stop that talkin' now!
>(We see Adrian leading the way as they enter.)
Ami: After shoving him down a lot, kicking him in the butt a few times and dropping a grenade down his pants, the Sailor _*SENSHI*_ felt it was safe to follow him.
>Adrian: I'll show you all the places that I like to go.
Ranma: [Darien] We DON'T need to know where you let your bladder go wild, Adrian!
>(Walks a few paces and
>points to the right.)
A-kun: [Adrian] All over there... [A few cans are thrown at Adrian, hitting him in the head. Adrian ignores them and points to the left] and all over there. [A few whiskey bottles are thrown at Adrian by still soaked passerbys. They break on his head, knocking him out.]
> Their pork rinds RULE...
Ifurita: Pork rinds? Are we to believe that _*JAPAN*_ has *PORK RINDS*?!?!?
Ami and Ranma: [shrugging their shoulders] Don't look at us, we don't do the shopping at our houses.
A-kun: And even if they don't, isn't it nice to chalk it up on the things wrong with this fanfic?
All: Yeaaaahh.....
>Serena: And they have free samples! (She begins to pig out >on the Barbecue
>flavored samples, then realizes her mistake as her mouth >starts burning up.)
Ami: [blanching] At least she hasn't reached the Enema booth....
[The others blanch too.]
Ranma: Or the Chocolate Laxative booth.
>Adrian: (Chuckles softly)
Ami: [Usagi as the God-Father] You find something amusin' about my predicament? Maybe I should send you to sleep with Oscar.
A-kun: And Adrian would probably agree. He doesn't know who Oscar is.
> Here, Serena. Take some of my water.
Ifurita: [Serena] I'd rather remove my appendix and become an avid fan of Forest Gump.
Ami: [Serena] I'd rather be a man.
Ranma: How cruel. Anyhow, I'll give Usa- *SERENA* some of MY water. [Hands Usa- Serena his canteen]
>(She accepts
>and takes a big swig.
Ranma: [gets his canteen back] Yeesh, I never knew that she could suck down five gallons of Jell-o that was still solidfying.
> They walk to the next isle before Adrian points to his
>right again.)
A-kun: [Adrian] I HOSED them. [the people in THAT direction are powering up their Plasma Rifles.]
> There's a comic store that way.
Ami: [Amy] Um, guys? I don't like the way those people are looking at Adrian. I believe it would be a good idea to get the hell out of here and head on down to that comic store.
[The scouts, Darien, Reeny, Luna and Artemis run like hell for the comic shop as the people with the Plasma Rifles open fire on Adrian.]
> (They proceed to the next
>intersection.)
Ifurita: Who's this 'They'? The Scouts and co. ran like hell.
Ami: Maybe the people with the rifles.
> This will be our hub. We will split up and go wherever >we want,
>but we need to be back here by noon. Agreed?
A-kun: [The Scouts] Why? We're in, we don't need you anymore. DIE!! [The scouts pull out weapons and aim them at Adrian.]
Ami: [Amy] I say Executioner style.
Ranma: [Minako] I say we just shoot off parts.
Ifurita: [Luna] Wait. How about we all kill Adrian, then we all go get some burgers?
>All: (in unison) Agreed!
*BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM*
>(Adrian takes Luna and Artemis with him
A-kun and Ifurita: [as Artemis and Luna respectively] IT'S GOT US!! AAAAAAH!! HELP SAILOR SENSHI!!!
> as they go
>outside,
A-kun and Ifurita: [as Artemis and Luna respectively] WE SAID HELP YOU DOLTS!!
> Mina and Lita head down the isle they are at, while the >others return
>to places already visited.)
A-kun and Ifurita: [as Artemis and Luna respectively as they kill Adrian] DAMN SENSHI! WE HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING!
>(ORB SCENE SHIFT: ADRIAN'S BOOTH)
Ranma: Catsy is busy spraying all the evil bugs that are leaping at her.
>(Adrian hurriedly dashes behind the booth.)
Ami: [Adrian] THEY'RE AFTER ME!!
>Catsy: (Sees Adrian in such a rush.) What's up?
Ami: [Adrian] THEY'RE AFTER ME!!
Ifurita: [Catsy] Who are?
Ami: [Adrian] EVERYONE!!
>Adrian: Just leave for a while. I'll call you. Trust me.
Ifurita: [Catsy, rolling her eyes] As if you'll survive long enough.
>Catsy: Okay, then. (She phases out of sight.)
A-kun: Too bad she didn't phase out of sound, touch, taste and smell. Then she wouldn't have to even sense Adrian.
>(TIARA SCENE SHIFT: 10 MINUTES LATER)
Ranma: Damn that's a long scene shift.
>(The girls meet at Adrian's booth.)
Ifurita: And promptly blow the crap out of it.
>Raye: Hey, Adrian. I'm really glad you invited us here.
Ami: Yeah, now we have witnesses.
>Ami: There are so many different shops here.
Ami: Okay, which of my counter-parts are here? Ami of the Sailor Senshi or Amy of the Sailor Scouts?
>Lita: Your booth is pretty cool, too.
Ranma [Lita]: Now that's it on FIRE!
>Adrian: Thanks. (Sends a telepathic call to Catsy as the >girls begin talking.
A-kun: [as a phone operator] I'm sorry, but you haven't been paying your telepathic phone bill. This call cannot go through. Have a nice day.
>Suddenly, Catsy pops into view.)
Ami: [Deadpanned] Wow. We can't stop her. Oh help, help. Please, oh kami-sama. We need some loser to aid us.
>Luna: (From behind the booth) Oh, no! It's a Nega-Trap!
Ranma: [confused] Then it pays them money and lets them go free?
>Artemis: Transform, girls!
>Girls: Right!
Ifurita: [Girls] We can't change until someone points out that we should! [Stupid giggle]
Ami: I know, this is an offense to both the Scouts and the Senshi's intelligence levels.
>(Triumphant fanfare plays in the background.)
Ifurita: Thank kami-sama for that fanfare.
A-kun: Who's making that noise?
Ranma: Probably Tuxedo Mask. That's why he rarely stands up and fights, you know.
Ami: [blinks] He's the one who plays the songs?
Ranma: Why do you think he's always in a rush to leave? He has to get back and begin playing again.
>Lita: Jupiter Star Power!
>Ami: Mercury Star Power!
>Raye: Mars Star Power!
>Mina: Venus Star Power
>Lita, Ami, Raye, @ Mina: Scout Power! (Transform into >their respective
>Sailors.)
Ifurita: [Girls] Teeheeheeheeheehee! We can't transform without that stupid addition! *WHAP*
Ami: Knock it off, Ifurita.
Ranma: Wait a minute! They change into men?! *KAPOW*
[Ranma makes another indentation on the theater wall.]
>Serena: Moon Crystal Power! (Changes into Sailor Moon.)
Ami: Why can no one use our Japanese transformation words?
A-kun: Why can no one ever spell 'Imperium Silver Crystal' or 'Maboroshi no Ginzuisho' the same way? Or at least agree on how it should be spelled?
[Ranma pulls himself out of the wall and sits back down.]
>All: (After transforming.) We are the Sailor Senshi! We >stand for love and
>justice!
All: WHICH IS IT?! THE SCOUTS OR THE SENSHI?!?!
> (Each poses and points at Catsy as they say their next >lines.)
Ami: [blinks] We have lines?
Ranma: [blinks] This was actually animated? *KAPOW*
[Ranma returns to the wall.]
>Moon: In the name of the moon, I'll punish you!
A-kun: [Moon] With whips!
[Ami raises her hand.]
A-kun: Hey! It says 'Moon', not 'Sailor Moon'.
[Ami lowers her hand and grumbles.]
>Jupiter: In the name of Jupiter, I'm taking you down!
Ifurita: [Jupiter] And kicking your ass too!!
>Mars: In the name of Mars, prepare to be burned!
A-kun: Ooooh, Rei, Ray and Raye are going to be doing some hunting.
>Mercury: In the name of Mercury, you will be terminated!
Ami: What am I? A T-200? A T-100? A T-1000?
>Venus: In the name of Venus, love WILL prevail!
Ifurita: When did Minako, Mina or even Sailor Venus say anything THAT stupid?
> (In the meantime, Adrian has
>left the scene, leaving Catsy alone.)
Ifurita: [Adrian] I'M A WUSS!!!
>Catsy: All right, then. Let's go!
Ami: As if Catsy could really fight all five of us effectively. She might be able to if she was airborne or of a higher power, but she's not.
> (They start fighting, but neither Catsy nor
>the Sailor Senshi can gain a clear edge. Suddenly, a red >rose pierces the
>ground. Shortly afterward, cut to Tuxedo Mask, running >towards the fight, with
>Reeny close behind him.)
Ami: [sarcastically] What? Are we going to be saved by Tuxedo Reeny too?
>Tuxedo: (to Reeny) Hide behind that booth!
>Reeny: Right! (Joins Luna and Artemis.)
Ifurita: So Reeny ties herself up too?
>Tuxedo: (Still charging Catsy.) You have used this market >for evil, and that can
>NOT be tolerated!
[Ranma pulls himself off the wall and sits down again.]
Ranma: I never understood why he always said stupid things like that.
> (He almost reaches Catsy, but is stopped when a black fan
>with a full moon on it pierces the ground.)
Ranma: That is one big-ass fan.
Ifurita: To have a full-sized moon on it, it better be.
> Eep!
A-kun: Tuxedo Mask saying 'Eep!'? The fan wasn't even near him!
> (The fan vanishes in a puff of
>black smoke, leaving a young man in its place.
Ranma: And that young man that nobody liked grew up to be-
Ami: The wiseman!
> He is
Ifurita: A geek!
> wearing a black jacket, a
>black motorcycle helmet (with a matching visor), black >shirt, black pants, and
>black shoes. The only part of his attire that isn't black >is a gold moon on top
>of his helmet, as well as on both its sides and on both >sides of his shirt.
A-kun: Ooookaaaayyy...so, apparently about a thousand years ago, they had black jackets, black motorcycle helmets (with matching visors), black shirts, black pants and black shoes. _I_ _DON'T_ _THINK_ _SO_!!!!!!
Ifurita: Not to mention he has five full-sized moons on his body? _I_ _DON'T_ _THINK_ _SO_!!!!!!
>This is the Full-Moon Fiend.
Ranma: Hmm, an all black outfit. Could he be anymore stereotyped?
Ami: Hide your gerbils, cats, dogs, parrots, fish, moles, rats, bats, mice, hermit crabs, squirrels, wombats, ground hogs, and gummy bears! This man is a complete pervert!!
A-kun: [Police Captain] Men, this man is an *EXTREEEEME* pervert, you are authorized to use any force or means necessary.
Ranma: [Police officer] Even the Dimensional Cannon?
A-kun: [Police Captain] ESPECIALLY the Dimensional Cannon! We have all 42 cannons ready. We hope to catch him in a crossfire.
> He backflips a couple times
Ifurita: With five moons on him? I don't think _SO_!
> before addressing the girls.)
Ranma: [FMF] 132 Oak Drive! 234 South Maple! 962 Parkway Avenue! 62 Dale Barker Avenue! 200 Grinch Parkway South! 886 Impotent Microsoft Lane! Wait! That last one is for ME!
>Fiend: (Strikes a pose.) I am the Full-Moon Fiend!
All: [seeing his "full-moon"] GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
Ranma: YOU FIEND!!!
Ranma, Ami, A-kun and Ifurita: [as Mina, Ami, Raye and Lita respectively] We know! No one else is that lame!
> I only have two purposes in
>life.
Ami: [FMF] To be a complete and total geek! _AND_ make a fanfic where I'm so Politcally Incorrect it's not even funny!
> One, to eliminate her, (Points to Reeny) and two, (Points >to Mask and the
>girls.) to kick your collective rear ends!
Ami: We don't have collective rear ends. Our ends aren't collecting anything. They're stock shares and they've been going down recently.
>Senshi: (In unison.) We don't think so!
>Fiend: Oh, but I do!
A-kun: [Fiend] Oh, but I don't! Wait, I just contradicted myself. I don't know what to do know. [The senshi kill the FMF]
> (Wields a staff.)
Ifurita: Oooooooh, you know, if you jab someone in the eye with one of those, you might hurt them.
Ranma: Really?
Ifurita: No, I was lying my ass off.
> Full Moon Magic! I want a Cat-o-9-
>tails!
[The MAT 2K crew stares at Adrian (aka. The Full-Moon Fiend).]
Ranma: Full-Moon Fiend, huh? More like Full-Moon LOSER!!!
> (He tosses the staff into the air, which then transforms >into said
>weapon.
Ifurita: OOOOoooooh! That's dangerous!
Ranma: Really?
Ifurita: No, I was just joking.
> He catches it and holds it over his head. Suddenly
[An odious smell fills the theater accompanied by a certain sound.]
Ami: OH FOR THE LOVE OF KAMI-SAMA!!
> the tails extend
[Ranma and A-kun laugh like Beavis and Butthead.]
>and wrap themselves around the Sailor Senshi, Mask,
Ranma: The Mask? HERE?! The FMF is going to get his ass kicked!
> the cats, and Reeny.)
>Planar Teleport!
All: 'PLANAR' Teleport?
> (Fiend and his captives vanish. As they do, fade to >black.)
Ranma: CAPTIVES?!? Come ON! Those tails on the Cat-o-nine tails are made of BUTTER!!
Ami: Not to mention that we become eight times stronger when we're in our Sailor forms, so even leather would break like old, rotted-through edible undies.
>(FADE IN: AN OPEN FIELD)
>(The group reappears.)
>Reeny: Where are we?
Ami: An open field.
>Fiend: I'll tell you this, this isn't Kansas, and those >Benalish Heroes riding
>in on Mesa Pegasi aren't Dorothy and her family!
Ifurita: Benalish Heroes? Mesa Pegasi?! HE'S USING CREATURES FROM MAGIC THE GATHERING?!?!!?
A-kun: What a lame-o! Everyone knows that the Senshi count as 6/9. Each. Per half-turn. On a bad hair day. And when all of them have sprained ankles and are severely depressed.
> (All look. Cut to four Pegasi
>landing, each being ridden by a female warrior.)
Ami: Oh, come on! Even servants of Beryl count as 4/3 creatures and you think some crappy Benalish Heroes and Mesa Pegasi are REALLY going to be too difficult for us to beat?
> Cat-o-9-tails release!
[More odious noises accompanied by a smell fill the theater, causing the MAT 2K crew to blanch and pinch their noses.]
> (His
>captives are freed. Fiend points at Tuxedo Mask, Reeny, >and the cats.)
A-kun: If he were truly evil, he'd say something like "Send them to Oscar.", but he's not.
> Take
>them away. (He turns around as his orders were being >carried out.)
Ifurita: Oh come ON! Tuxedo Mask isn't THAT big of a wimp!
Ranma: No kidding. Even if he DOES throw roses, he'd be able to cut those wussy Benalish Heroes down easily.
> Okay, then.
>Full Moon Magic! I want my staff back! (His weapon >reverts to its staff form.)
[Again, the theater is assualted with the smells and noises.]
>Who's first?
A-kun: Hmmm, I better look at the calendar. I can't remember which of the Inner Senshi were born first.
>Venus: I'll go first! Take this, you Nega-creep! VENUS >LOVE CHAIN, ENCIRCLE!
>Fiend: You MUST be joking!
Ranma: It encircles his throat and strangles him to death.
Ifurita: [Venus] I didn't even give it the command to do THAT!
> (He grabs one end of the chain and pulls it away
>from Sailor Venus. He forms a lasso out of the other end
All: [deadpanned] Ha. Ha. Ha. VERY funny.
Ami: Everyone knows that you CAN'T take the Venus Love Me Chain away otherwise it vanishes.
>and throws it, snaring
>her. He wraps it around her and pulls hard, causing her to >spin like a top.
A-kun: At the least, she'd fall to the ground. At most, she'd send HIM flying.
Ranma: And this isn't an American cartoon. People don't spin around in circles like tops unless they're creating a tornado, on ice with skates, or moving throwing punches faster than most humans can in an hour.
Ifurita: I've faced complete idiots who can come up with better tactics than him.
>When she stops, she is quite dizzy. She falls to the >ground as a result. The
>Full-Moon Fiend twirls his staff.) Next!
Ami: [shaking her head] This is getting more and more idiotic.
>Jupiter: Try this one on for size! JUPITER THUNDERCLAP, >ZAP!
All: BOOM-SHACKALACKA!
>Fiend: (Snickers)
A-kun: Don't mind if I do.
> Batter up!
*ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP*
[The Full-Moon Fiend is toasted.]
> (He bats the bolt back, hitting her right in the
>stomach. She goes into an X-ray mode and falls to the >ground still smoking.)
Ami: "BATS IT BACK"?!?!? MY ASS!! All he has is that crappy knock-off of a TOY that's FROM THE FUTURE and he "BATS IT BACK"?!?!?
>What a revolting development THAT was! (Begins laughing >out loud.)
Ifurita: How REVOLTING that joke is, I'll never know. Or want to know.
>Mars & Mercury: Let's see you handle two at once!
A-kun and Ranma: [In unison] THERE'S an invitation!
> (The next two attacks are
>performed simultaneously.)
>Mars: MARS CELESTIAL FIRE, SURROUND!
>Mercury: MERCURY ICE BUBBLES FREEZE!
Ami: And if he makes any more crappy puns, I'll beat him to death with my own hands. [To Ranma, A-kun and Ifurita] And don't you DARE make that comment!
>Fiend: This is cool, but you can't take the heat.
[Ami transforms into Sailor Mercury and proceeds to pummel the living crap out of Adrian (aka. Full-Moon Fiend).]
> (He sheaths his staff and
>holds up his hands, stopping the projectiles as they near.
A-kun: Excuse me, but WHEN THE HELL DID THEY BECOME PROJECTILES?!?!? IT'S ALL MAGICAL ENERGY, YOU FLAMING MORON!!!!
>He sends the fire to
>Sailor Mercury and the ice to Sailor Mars. As a result, >Mercury is burnt to a
>crisp, while Mars suffers a DEEP freeze.) Four down, one >to go.
Ranma: Can we A-kun?
A-kun: Sure, kick him a few times for me!
[Ranma and Ifurita leap into the fanfic and proceed to aid Ami in pummeling the 'Full-Moon Fiend', who somehow manages to constantly regenerate.]
>Moon: (Produces her Moon Scepter and starts the motions >linked with its use.)
>You've bullied my friends, you Nega-sleaze, and for that >you will PAY! MOON
>SCEPTER...
A-kun: If he grabs the scepter, I'll personally destroy the fanfic. The energy is already in the scepter, so unless he's of a higher power than he even CLAIMS to be, he'll be burnt to a crisp.
>Fiend: (Catches Sailor Moon trying to wield her Moon >Scepter.) No, you don't!
A-kun: [Sailor Moon] Damn! He found out!
>(He flips over her head, grabs the scepter, and tosses it >away.)
>Moon: (Aside.) Okay, then. Let me see how Plan B works. >(Aloud.) Let's see you
>handle this one so easily, Nega-trash! (Quickly removes >her tiara and throws
>it.) MOON TIARA MAGIC! (Fiend does a couple backflips, >jumps straight up into
>the air, and catches the tiara like a Frisbee in midair >before landing on both
>feet.)
A-kun: In the Manga, even Jadeite couldn't stop the frisbee o' Doom.
> Hey, no fair! That's always supposed to work!
>Fiend: That was fun! Now, it's YOUR turn to catch!
A-kun: [Deadpanned] Ha. Ha. Ha. The energy's held within the Tiara are such that if they contact with a human, it merely bonks them. But, since Sailor Moon herself is most likely the target, it'll return to her forehead harmlessly.
> (Holds the tiara like an
>Olympic discus and throws it sideways, as in vertically >instead of horizontally.
>Sailor Moon catches it right in the big bow on her chest. >The resulting power
>surge causes Sailor Moon to fall to the ground, >unconscious.
All: MY ASS!!
A-kun: Come on, Wesley, Sailor Moon loses control of the tiara when it loses it's charge. Anytime it is still charged, she can still control it.
> At this point,
>Rubeus and Catsy phase into view.)
A-kun: But, since they don't want the 'Full-Moon Fiend' to see them, they stay out of phase with the plane Adrian/Full-Moon Fiend is on.
>Rubeus: Well done! I knew that you would do the job right!
>Fiend: (Bows.)
[Ranma, Sailor Mercury and Ifurita stomp back into the theater.]
Ifurita: A-kun, Full-Moon Fiend is cheating.
A-kun: Right. Time for my patented Fanfic Destroyer. [With a mental nudge, A-kun become Super Saiyan A-kun.]
> It was my pleasure.
>Catsy: (Approaches the unconscious Sailor Senshi) Now let's >finish 'em off!
Super Saiyan A-kun: Okay, here we go. SUPER SAIYAN A-KUN-
>(Fiend blocks her.)
Super Saiyan A-kun: -FAN-
>Fiend: Not yet. First, let me have some fun with them.
[The MAT 2K crew shiver.]
Super Saiyan A-kun: -FIC-
>(Catsy looks at Rubeus,
>who nods in response. She backs off.)
>Rubeus: Okay. That seems like a fitting reward.
Super Saiyan A-kun: -DESTROYER!!!!
*KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
[The MAT 2K crew inspect the dead fanfic.]
A-kun: [now powered down] Right, let's go.
(
geocities.com/tokyo/island/3968) (
geocities.com/tokyo/island) (
geocities.com/tokyo)