Reply at akun16@hotmail.com 
(Turn off the lights and watch as your screen explodes in
3....2....1....just kidding.)

	Hey there, everyone.  I'd just like to say that in this
series, I'm only C&Cing and making witty comments.  I don't, in any way, mean offense to any of the authors or
original show Mystery Science Theater 3000, who have spent
hours on end working to make this idea possible to form in
my head.
	My anime friends are from these worlds: MST 3K (I have
to use Cambot after all!), Sailor Moon, El Hazard, Ranma
1/2.
	WARNING: There are extensive rants.  Mainly about what is said by the story characters.
	2nd Warning: My MSTing of this story has extreme violence towards a certain charater.  Sorry, Choe, but Peter gets ripped.
	Please don't sue me!
	Enjoy! ^_^;

(This might be a bit difficult to sing...)

There was a senior in high school named A-kun,
He had two brothers who worked at M.H.I,
One day they brought him in to clean up the place,
But they didn't like the job he did so they shot him into
space...

(Hey!  You can't do this!  I know people!  REAL people!)
(Yeah, but they're the ones paying us to do this!
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

We'll send him cheesy fanfics,
The worst we can find! (lalala)
He'll have to sit and watch them all
and we'll monitor his mind! (lalala)

Now keep in mind A-kun can't control
where the fanfics begin or end. (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
to summon his anime friends!

Anime Roll Call:
Cambot! (Pan left.)
Ami Mizuno! (Hi there!)
Ifurita! (What is the purpose of this?)
Ranmaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...(I'm DIFFERENT!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes,
and other science facts, (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show,
I should really just relax!
For Mystery Anime Theater 2000...

[In space, a giant stapler is floating over Earth.  This is
the Satelite of Anime.  We enter...]
	[A-kun and Ifurita are Poker.  Strip poker.  A-kun is losing and is down to his boxers.]

A-kun: Damn it!  Four entire games and all I keep getting are this stupid 'Dead's Man Hand'.  Every single time, too!  I hate strip poker!

Ifurita: Don't blame me.

A-kun: I want YOU to lose!

	[Ami and Ranma arrive on the bridge.]

Ranma: Ami, I understand your point about the U.S.'s unfair censorship and I agree with you, Ranma 1/2 SHOULD come on right before Sailor Moon.  But, you have to remember that the USA channel just cancelled Sailor Moon.

Ami: And that's the reason I HAVE to do this.  A-kun, can you take us over the USA broadcasting stations?

A-kun [getting his clothes back on]: Why?

Ami: They just cancelled Sailor Moon for the second time.

A-kun: Done and done.  But what are you going to do?

Ami: One moment.  Ifurita, can I see your Power Key Staff?

Ifurita: Sure, here you go.

	[Ifurita tosses her Power Key Staff to Ami.  Ami transforms into Sailor Mercury just before catching the staff.  She does some calculations on her computer and walks over to an Access Port.]

Sailor Mercury: ABSOLUTE ZERO BLAST!!!

	[Numerous blasts fly through the staff and annihilate the USA broadcasting station.]

Sailor Mercury: That'll teach 'em for replacing us with that stupid 'Webster'.

	[Sailor Mercury changes back and tosses the staff back to Ifurita.]

Ami: Thanks.

Ifurita: One question: How the hell did you manage to use my staff?

Ami: I managed to lock down the form of energy that can go through and altered my powers to imitate it for a short while.

Ifurita: Sounds reasonable.

Ranma: Sounds like BS, but it'll work.

	[The MADs light begins flashing.]

A-kun: Damn, Tori Spelling and C-ko are calling.

[Deep Throat 4]

Dr. Matheus: [bored tone] Hello, A-kun.  I'm feeling depressed today.

[SOA]

A-kun: Really?

[DP4]

Dr. Matheus: [bored tone] Yeah...[normal tone] NOT!  Don't ever think that the idea of having your mind snap like a twig doesn't motivate me to continue.  Your latest story is a parody of the Crys Saga and Misadventures of the Foreign Exchange Student.  It's by Jang Choe/Bile Studios.  Enjoy!

	[Nothing happens.]

Dr. Matheus: Send them the fanfic, Danny Boy!

Danny Boy: Yes, Dr. Matheus.

[SOA]

A-kun: [frowning] I'll have to do something about him when I get back...

	[The sirens begin flashing]

Ifurita: Never mind that!!

All: WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIIIIIIGN!!!!!

	[They hurry to their access ports as Cambot floats forward through the now open dogbone.]
	[Door 6: It's a stapler on a rampage.  You wait a minute until it's out of staples, then toss it into a vaporizer.]
	[Door 5: It's John Agar again.  You draw your phaser and vaporize him.]
	[Door 4: It's A-kun showering.  You don't know what he looks like, so you don't know how sick you're getting.]
	[Door 3: It's an Acme Bomb.  The fuse runs out and the bomb fails to explode.  You're about to walk past when it explodes.  You aren't injured.]
	[Door 2: It WAS a horde of demons, but they were blown away by the bomb.]
	[Door 1: It's a vault door.  It opens for you.]
	[Ifurita enters first, followed by Ami, A-kun and Ranma.  They sit in that order.]

>From: Yinyang@altered.com

Ranma: Then it wouldn't be a yin-yang, now would it?

Ifurita: No, the yin-yang altered the com.

All: Aaaah....

>     Authors pre-notes:  I fumed at Pearson Mui for writing >"Misadventures
>of the Foreign Exchange Student."

A-kun: That's DISGUSTING!

Ami: What is?

A-kun: Read that! He farted at Pearson Mui for writing that story-

Ami: A-KUN!

Ranma: Must have taken a lot of beans-

Ami: RANMA!

A-kun: I guess you've taken it upon yourself to be the regulator?

Ami: I guess I have.

>  I hate that Pat Lee character.

A-kun: Duh, he's like my Shin Saotome character.  He's made super-powerful just as a splurge of ego.

>  No offense to Pearson if he is reading this. Anyway, I >thought The Crys Saga
>wasn't that bad,

Ranma: Crys Saga?  Not that bad?  Hoo boy, we're in for it.

A-kun: No kidding.

Ifurita: What's wrong with it?

Ranma: 'Crys' is an SPB with HPP and generally KA.  THEN, he runs a bunch of SPLs which are DJ and very S.

Ami: What did you say?

A-kun: I'll translate.  'Crys' is an Super-Powered Being with High-Powered Psionics and generally Kicks Ass.  THEN, he runs a bunch of Stupid Plot Lines which are DisJointed and very Stupid.  At least the original anyway.  I haven't seen the rewrite.

> so I decided to read some more of this authors-in
>their-own-fanfics type of adventures.

A-kun: Ahem.

	[A-kun raises a sign "Read Roku-Bun No San".]

>So I picked up Misadventures and
>read it; I hate Misadventures, the characters in fact.

Ifurita: I had a comment.....but I forgot it.  Sorry.

>  The story was
>good, but I hate those two flawless, know-it-all characters >(Beth, and Pat
>Lee).

A-kun: Well at least they had some cute ideas.  The 'Nuke' attack was a tad ridiculous, but otherwise, it was....a standard self-insertion.  Minus the fact that he didn't get involved with any of the characters.

> So, I thought, "Oh I can make someone more perfect, >powerful, and
>omniscient."

A-kun: Oh yeah?!  Can he read MY thoughts?

Ifurita: You want donuts, right?

A-kun [startled]: IFURITA!  How did YOU know?!

Ifurita: You're reaching down to grab the box now.  By the way, Ami got the last Evanjellydonut.  {We're not worthy!  We're not worthy!-Plug #2}

	[A-kun fumes.  Then uses a fan to blow the stench towards the screen in hopes that the fanfic will burn away to hell.  Then, he claps his hands on the Evanjellydonut just as Ami is about to bite it.  *FRAAAAAAPP*  The Evanjelly hits the screen and looks disgusting as the light hits it.  The fanfic looks even worse (As if THAT's possible).]

> So here it is.  You can say it's a parody of Crys Saga and
>Misadventures, or you can think if this as one of "those >type"  fanfics;

Ranma: Those type fanfics?  What, can't he spell 'Self-insertion'?

A-kun: Maybe it's a LEMONY Evanjellydonut....[drools]  Mmmmmm...Evanjellydonut......oooooh, sprinkles!

> I
>don't care.

Ifurita: What a surprise.  Neither do we.

>  It's going to have this extremely powerful, know it all
>character, bad writing, commercial breaks, and other >cliches.

A-kun: Explains why Dr. Matheus sent it to us.

>  I want you
>to read this and think, "Man, this guy is too dang perfect!  
>I hate him!" 

A-kun: But we could never think that about you, Choe.

Ranma: Choe?  Perfect?  Get real.

>Read it and enjoy. 

Ifurita: Or read it and hurl.

>Ranma 1/2 and other related characters- 1996 Rumiko
>Takahashi/Shougkukan  Inc./Kitty/Fuji  TV

>Dragonball Z and other related characters- 1996 Akira
>Toriyama/Shueisha  Inc./Bird Studios.

>El Hazard the Magnificent World - (C) Hiroki Hayashi/1996 

Ifurita: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!

Ranma: QUICK, AMI!!  GIVE HER THE SEDATIVE!!!

	[Ami pulls out three bottles "Jack Daniels", "Sake Concentrate" and "A-kun's personal stuff.  Warning: Do not feed to gremlins before or AFTER midnight.  Warning: Do not attempt to do more than sniff the bottle if you are not of Author-class or above".  Ami pours all three down Ifurita's throat.  It barely calms Ifurita down.]

>Peter Con -1996 Jang Choe/Bile Studios all rights deserved

A-kun: Yeah, but we ain't going to let you have them.

>other characters - (C) their respective creators

Ami: Oh kami-sama, I love Other Characters on All My Children.

>Used without permission.

A-kun: How'd he know?

>---- Begin Peter's Journey----

Ranma: [Bellowing] TURN TAPE OVER!!!
     
>     [Peter Con,

A-kun: Hey, I think I went to that convention.  You had to walk around in underwear while women fondled your butt.

Ami: %Peter Con. Peter Con. All I want to do is Peter Con-% BLEAH!!!

> a incredibly handsome,

Ami: Man, is he exaggerating or what?  Peter looks like the Hunchback from Notre Dame.

Ifurita: [slightly drunk] BEFORE the plastic surgery.

> Asian descendant,

Ranma: Look, sucking down Sake for forty hours a day DOESN'T make you of Asian 'descendant'.

> young
>man in his teens and his two friends are driving in a blue >Volvo,

Ifurita: Try an AMC Gremlin.  The kind that has the really GOOD AM radio and the one working blinker.

A-kun: Not to mention it's Lime Green.

>heading towards their school.  It is 3:00 in the morning.]

Ami: Man, I thought _I_ was obsessed with studying.

Ranma: No, no.  They're just going to use the internet to look at porn.

A-kun: Ranma, pictures of Riverdance don't count as porn.

>Peter [slightly annoyed]:  Man, I said I don't want to go!

Ami: Yeah right.  He's probably the one who planned all this.

Ranma: Yeah, he's just making sure his protests are on tape so he can blame it on them.

>Friend #1 [to Peter]: Look, we're doing this for you.

A-kun and Ranma: BLEAH!!!

Ifurita: Some friends!  Taking him to school, what sadistic S.O.B.s!

Ami: What?  No name?

> You basically have
>no life!

Ranma: [Friend #1] So we're going to kill you.  It's that simple.  Don't worry, it'll look cool when we're done hanging your intestines over the doors.

	[Ami, Ifurita and A-kun move away from Ranma.]

> You have to loosen up a little, and besides, we'll become 

ACs: ZETRA-WOMEN!!

A-kun: POWER RANGERS!!

ACs: GAH!

>rich
>when we tell everyone about these ruins. 

Ifurita: Ruins?  Nani?

Ami: Hmmm, I wonder how much power it would take to destroy a bad fanfic....

A-kun: I'll tell you right now that it has to be greater than a simple flame.

Ami: So we're looking at deity-class powers.

A-kun: And above.

>Friend #2: Those ruins will be named after me.

>Friend #1: You're crazy, dumbass, it will be named after >me! 

Ranma: Why am I suddenly imagining Friend #1 and Friend #2 as Beavis and Butthead respectively?

Ifurita: Because they are?

>Friend #2: Oh my goodness, I found it first.

A-kun: 'Oh my goodness'?  What?  Is Belldandy suddenly Friend #2?

>Friend #1: Shut up, I did.

Ami: [Butthead] Shut up, Ass-munch.

>Peter [sighs]: Who wants to go see some stupid ruins >anyways?

Ifurita: KICK HIS ASS RIGHT NOW!!!

>Friend #1 [ignoring Peter, he parks the car.]: Here we are, 
>now lets

Ami: go rob that bank!

A-kun: go kill that fanfic author!

>go in and see if it has any treasures.

Ami: Lara Croft and Indiana Jones, these people aren't.

>     [They get off their car and find their way inside the >school.

Ranma: Wait a minute, they attend this school every weekday and they STILL don't know the way in?  What morons!

>  They
>carefully guide themselves

Ifurita: [Friend #1 to Friend #1] Now me, over here are the locker rooms.  If you'll look to the left, you'll see a bunch of doors...

Ami: [Peter to Peter] Me, be careful.  God knows how many people are plotting my death.  Uh...I mean....OUR death....  yeah......WATCH OUT FOR THOSE GUYVERS!!!

	[Guyver 1 and Guyver 3 use their Megasmashers to blow Peter and his friends to atoms.  The end.]

All: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY!!!!!!

> in the dark through the dark side of the gym
>where no one ever ventures,

	[A-kun sighs and recreates the characters.  But, now they look like the 3 Stooges.  Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk-nyuk.]

Ami: Then what the hell are these idiots doing here?

Ranma [Obi-Wan Kenobi]: Luke....stay away from the Dark Side of the Gym...

> and they finally get through to the ruins
>underneath the school.

Ifurita: Where upon they stumble into a sacred ceremony and are sacrificed to the Otaku's Evil Goddess 'Xian Pu'.  Also known as Umberlee 'The Bitch Queen', Tiamat 'The Bitch Queen', and Tahkisis 'The Bitch Queen'.

Ami: And Leona Helmsley 'The Empress Bitch'.

A-kun: They find the Teamsters' secret hideout and are sent to 'Sleep with Hoffa'.

TharzZzDunN: [TharzZzDunN appears] No, no, they stumble over the last known location of Gendo Ikari and Ryoji Kaji's remains.  (Stored in separate thimbles.) [TharzZzDunN vanishes.]

> When they turn the corner, they see some other guy
>already down there.]

A-kun: Man, this Some Other Guy appears a lot in fanfics.

Ranma: Yeah, he's really talented.  I've worked with him before.

Ami: And he's a fantastic kisser!

Ifurita: Tell me about it, we didn't leave my dressing room for six weeks.

	[Ranma and A-kun frown deeply and begin plotting the death of Mr. Some Other Guy....]

>Friend #1: Hey! Who the hell are you? 

>Jinnai: Allow me to introduce myself, I am Jinnai >Katsuhiko, the student

Ami: [rolling her eyes in disgust] Ooooooh, I've never seen a _STUDENT_ before.

>body president of Shininime High school,

A-kun: Well, since you're in America, that means as much as a turd in a compost heap.

Ranma: Or a raccoon in a hard hat.

> and I came here to claim these
>ruins as mine. 

A-kun: And that claim is as valid as 10-321's claim to be a better long distance service.

>Peter: Shininime? Isn't that the school in El Hazard? 

A-kun: Shininime?  No, no.  A much BETTER MISspelling is Shininininininininininininininininime Hig-he Sh-cool.

TharzZzDunN: [Appears again] Cha-cha-cha! [disappears into a pool of gravy]

>Friend #1 [to Peter]: Man, you watch too much anime! 

>Peter [angry]: Punk! You watch them too! 

A-kun: Ah, Friend #1 is Punk!

Ranma: [Peter]  Hello...my name is Peter....and I'm an otaku.

Ami, Ifurita and A-kun: [other otaku] Hello Peter.

>Friend #2: You guys are all sorry, I have a life.

Ami: Watching Baywatch instead of Sailor Moon, Ranma 1/2 or El Hazard is NOT an improvement.

A-kun: Though Pamela Anderson looks....[drools]....it's still no improvement.  In fact, if you think about it, all Anime is fifty times better than most live-action garbage.

Ranma: So, would you rather watch Gatchaman or Power Rangers?

A-kun: Power Rangers, at least THEY have opponents that come up with mildly comprehensible plot lines.  Besides, watching people running around in spandex is better than watching people running around in stupid bird-costumes.

Ifurita: Hey, can we get back to the fanfic?  It may be deep hurting, but you guys are just ranting.

>I don't watch them at
>all.

All: What a loser.

>Friend #1 [to friend #2]: Shut up! All you watch is that >Ultimate Fighting
>stuff. 

All: Huh?

A-kun: ULTIMATE Fighting?  They don't even TOUCH spells, ki or psionics.  I don't consider it ULTIMATE Fighting.  Maybe Stupidly-Barbaric-Beat-The-Crap-Out-Of-Your-Opponent Fighting, but no way are they even close to ULTIMATE Fighting.

Ami: Not to mention they don't even TRY to pull people from other dimensions or the future or the past.

Ranma: So it's agreed.  Ultimate Fighting should never be discussed ever again.

>Peter [Ignoring his "friends"]: How in the world did you >get here, Jinnai? 

Ifurita: He's not even trying to figure out WHY Jinnai is at his school declaring his ownership over the ruins?  What a moron!

>Jinnai [Scratches head]: Ya know, I have no idea.  One >minute I'm in some
>weird world leading some bugrums, and the next minute, I'm >here and I ...

	[Jinnai and Peter are vaporized.]

A-kun: [blowing smoke from the barrel of his Death Ray Cannon (tm)] Take THAT, ya bad 'fic!

>     [All of a sudden, a bright light shines, and everybody >is frozen. 

Ami: QUICK!  Stuff them in the meat locker!  They can be next week's mysterious meat.

Ranma: With it's own gravy.

>Except of course, Peter.]

A-kun: Ah, I take it the Medusa is going to savor- [notices the look Ifurita is giving him] sorry.

>Peter:  Huhn? everybody is fro . . . [Thinking]

All: [in unison] Not in this life time.

> This is so much like El
>Hazard . . . I bet some girl is gonna come out of nowhere >and take me to
>some weird place. 

	[Kei and Yuri step out of the darkness.]

Kei: Come on, Zen needs a room-mate.

	[Peter's head explodes.]

Yuri: What the hell?

	[Ranma and A-kun begin laughing like Beavis and Butthead as Ifurita lowers her Power Key Staff.]

>  [As Peter predicted, a girl does come appear out of >nowhere; well, she
>comes out of some weird pillar like thingy.]

	[Sighing, A-kun reforms Peter's head.]

Girl From Nowhere: HEY!  You still have to pay me, Choe!  Don't think you're getting off easy!

Girl out of some weird pillar like thingy: You have to pay me too!

>Ifurita: Oh Peter . . . I have finally . . .

Ifurita: Killed you.

	[Peter's head explodes (again).]

> found you. [collapses on

Ifurita: The floor if _I_ have any say in this.

Ami: Sadly, you don't.

	[A-kun sighs again and reforms Peter's head, but it looks like like someone from Gatchaman. (oooooh, specific, huh?)]

>Peter]

Ranma: Not Peter per se, but rather Peter's corpse, nowhere near his genitals, arms, legs, stumped neck or his torso.

>Peter [catches her calmly]:

	[Peter goes into heart spasms and dies.]

>  Who are you? [of course he knows who she is,
>but he still acts surprised by the similarity between this >and his 3rd
>favorite anime.]

Ifurita: 3RD FAVORITE?!?!?!  THAT'S IT!!!

	[Peter dies 64,325,432 times before Ifurita calms down enough for the fanfic to continue.  Mind you, A-kun no longer has the energy (nor wishes to use the energy) to restore Peter's body.  Therefore, you have to think of Peter minus his head, upper left thigh and waist, most of his right arm (there's a stump) and both feet.  What remains is heavily burned and hovering.]

>Ifurita:  Oh, I must use the rest . . . of my

Ifurita: . . . and by 'my', I mean 'your' . . . 

> strength to take you to El
>Hazard . . . but I don't know . . . if I have enough power. 

Ifurita:. . . or if you have a big enough ego . . . or credit limit . . . or enough credibility . . . [realizes something] For what you've done to this fanfic's credibility I oughta take you up to a height of 30,000 feet and drop you.

>Peter: Why must I go to El Hazard? 

A-kun: You're the know-it-all.  You tell us.

	[For some reason, the Gilligan's Island opening theme is playing repeatedly and Peter begins to resemble Gilligan.]

>Ifurita:  Because Makoto is

Ifurita: way cooler than you

> in . . . 

A-kun: Operation Condor with Jackie Chan.

>danger and you are . . . 

Ifurita: the biggest flaming twit I could find that won't do a damn thing.

>the only one
>to save him . . . now I must send you . . . 

>Peter: Okay. 

A-kun: You know, for all his faults, he doesn't have an extreme ego and name things that aren't really his after himself.
    
>     [A huge beam of light crashes down on Peter's city and 
>engulfs it. 

A-kun: I sit corrected and unphased by that fact.

>Peter is flying through the Universe and lands suddenly in 

Ranma: a cow pie.

>the wonderful
>land of . . .]

Ranma: El Hazard, right?

A-kun: Oh come on now.  You don't think he'll do something stupid and toss Peter to Ranma 1/2 or Sailor Moon or something stupid like that, do you?

>Peter [Wakes up]:  Ohhh, where am . . . [looks at his >hands,

Ami: That should be 'hand'.  After all, Ifurita blew the other one to atoms.

> then his
>whole body] AHHHHHHH! I'm two dimensional! Am . . . Am .  . >. I in El
>Hazard? [Looks around] No, doesn't look like it, looks like >. . . Japan

Ranma: See?

A-kun: [sighing] Sorry.  I should have known.

TharzZzDunN: [popping out of nowhere] Maybe we'll be lucky enough to see Peter tangle with the Overfiend. [disappears back into nowhere]

Ifurita: [growling] I don't think we'd ever want to see that.

Overfiend: [Appearing] Not to mention I don't want to even touch him! [disappears]

> . . . I've seen it a lot of times . . . but where? 

	[The MAT 2K crew pales.]

Ami: He wouldn't...

Ranma: No way...

Ifurita: Not even Choe...

>     [All of a sudden, a foot crashes on Peters face and >five seconds
>later, another foot stomps on his mug

Ami: [Peter] THAT WAS MY ONLY MUG!!  I'M TOO POOR AND INCREDIBLY STUPID TO BUY ANOTHER EVEN IF MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!!!!

>but the latter foot is smaller.]

A-kun: He did it.

>Akane [chasing Ranma with her hammer from you- know- >where]:  Ranma! you
>jerk! [Turns around] Oh no, I hit someone! 

	[Ami sighes in relief, Ranma and Ifurita growl angrily at being used as plot-devices and A-kun sits quietly, knowing not to make a sound or the two deadly ACs would kill him.  TharzZzDunN hums quietly like a well tuned barrel of Deadheads!]

>Peter [With a foot mark on his face but not affected by the >stomp]:  Hmmm,
>did I just hear "Ranma"? 

Ranma: If you did, it'll be before Choe adds "DON'T KILL ME!!!".

>Akane [looks down toward Peter who is laying on the >ground]: I'm sorry, I
>didn't see you there. 

Ami: Akane apologizing, this is already OOC.

Ifurita: No, that Akane would notice or care is OOC.

A-kun: You two don't like Akane very much, do you?

Ranma: Make that three people who don't like Akane.

A-kun: Four and it should be Akane stopping from chasing Ranma is OOC.

Ami: I hate her because of the way she treats Ranchan.

Ranma: I hate her because of the way she treats me.

Ifurita: I hate care she's a baby that hasn't learned to grow up.  Even Princess Fatora did THAT.

A-kun: And I hate her because she keeps claiming she's a martial artist and insists that she can handle things of Ranma's calliber, yet has done nothing to keep up with Ranma's training or techniques whatsoever.

All: So we all hate Akane.

>Ranma-girl: Of course, you were too busy charging through >like a fat hippo
>. . .

Ranma: This is so degrading.  Ranma-*GIRL*?  Geez, why not offend the female gender more and say Ranma-*Weaker And Stupider Sex*?

>Akane: Stupid! [Hits Ranma with her magic mallet,

Ami: It's not magic.

A-kun: Answers, Dr. Ami!

Ami: Tricorder readings aren't giving specifics, but it is NOT magical in any manner.

> and Ranma flies off in
>that weird body position.

TharzZzDunN: [Pops out of Thin Air] Ah, the Kama Sutra, so many are the bitter-sweet memories of tomorrow. [Fades into a box of Pop Tarts.]

Ranma: And when did I change back?

Ifurita: Come on, learn more about the Takahashi universe, THEN write about it.

>  You know, he has his arms over his head with
>two finger sticking out and his legs are bowed.]

A-kun: That's the Takahashi Trademark.

>Peter: That's okay Akane, um . . . that happens a lot in >your stories. 

Ami: You know, I think if you gave Peter a secret, he'd practically be spewing it out to anyone who might even care.

Ifurita: And he'd most likely be shot within a few seconds.

>Akane: HUH!? How did you know my name? 

>Peter [thinks]:

All: [in unison] Not likely in any life time.

> This is pretty, freaking weird, but now I think about my
>situation . . . this could be fun! [Speaking] I just do. 

A-kun: No, it's more like "I'm an idiot from another universe come here to make everything okay, baby-cakes.", where upon the instant he finished that sentence, he'd be killed.

>Akane:  Are you a stalker or something? 

All: [in unison and shocked] How did you know?

>Peter:  No, I'm not. [Evil grin ] Who'd wanna stalk you, >you macho chick? 

Ami: You know, in many universes, Akane isn't as restrained as she normally seems.

Ranma: 'Bitter End' by Zen proved that. [shudders]

Ifurita: Or 'Paint it Black'. [all shudder]

>Akane:  What did you say?

Ranma: HE SAID- oh, nevermind.

>  Macho chick?! [Takes out Mallet]

	[Gun shots are heard.]

Mallet: AAAAAAAH!!! [falls over dead]

Akane: Whoops, wrong mallet.  And wrong version of 'Takes out'.

>Peter [bored]:  Oh . . . no, [yawns]

	[Peter's skull is crushed.]

All: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY!!!!

>     [Akane hits Peter on top of the head with her mallet, 
>but Peter

A-kun: Having no head or brains...

Ranma: ...and never possessing the latter...

> just
>stands there like nothing happened.  The mallet, however, >shatters into
>pieces.]

Ifurita: How can something shatter into Pieces?  Isn't that a constellation?

Ami: No, wrong pieces.  Remember how that window broke when we tried playing baseball?

Ifurita: Oh.  Sorry.

>Peter:  You always hit strangers, Akane Tendo? 

A-kun: Evil, sadistic and overly powerful strangers?  Of course.  Taking on something everyone but her knows can kill her?  She'll be the first to attack.  Differences in power levels greater than the gap between first generation Zoanoids and the Gunbuster?  Oh heavens, she'll be in that fight faster than you can even begin to use energy to comprehend the battle.

>Akane [obviously surprise]:  No . . . Except that you're >the only one that
>called me "macho chick." 

All: Huh?

Ami: Ranma, I never believed you before about Akane being that dumb, but I believe you now.

>Peter:  Ranma has. 

A-kun: [Akane] But I hate you more.

>Akane:  Are you a god or something? 

All: [in unison] We hope not or we're all in trouble.

>Peter [raises eyebrow]:  What?!  Don't you ever say that >blasphemous thing
>again!

Ranma: [Peter] I'm nowhere near as cool as them.  In fact, on the cool-o-meter, take the maximum coolness factor possible and invert it and you've got me...plus a buttered slice of toast.

> [Calms down] Then again, now that I think about it, >without us you
>won't survive. 

	[The MAT 2K crew look around.]

Ifurita: What's with this "Us" stuff?

>Akane:  Huh? 

Ami: Exactly.

>Peter:  See, you need us three dimensional people to buy >your stories.  If
>we don't, you won't be successful and fade away into >obscurity.  But if
>you guys are successful, you will spin off into TV series, >maybe a Movie,
>OAV's, terrible video games, and heck, a bunch of fanboys >will even write
>stories about you.

A-kun: You die.  The instant I get my hands to a keyboard, you die.

> You will also be remembered also, or until the next
>good Manga comes out. 

>Akane:  What? 

Ami: Are you stupid or something?

Ifurita: [Akane] Ma mama always said "Stupid is as stupid does."

>Peter:  Be quiet.  The opening theme is about to come on, >along with the
>title. 

>Akane [Clueless]:  

A-kun: As always.

> What theme?!

>     [Opening theme: _Everything You Know is Wrong_ by >"Weird Al" Yankovic
>(Go get that tape if you want to know what it sounds like)]

Ifurita: "Weird Al" must have been thinking of Peter or reading this story when he wrote the song.

Ami: [disgusted] Weird Al must be spinning in his shorts in a pool of gravy with TharzZzDunN.

All: [Singing]%I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane%
			%with a rabid wolverine in my underwear%
			%when suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat%
			%popped right up and cupped his hands%
			  %across my eyes%
			%I guessed, "Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie?%
			%Is it Bob or Joe or Walter?%
			%Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve?%
			%I probably would've gone on guessing%
			%but about that time we crashed into the truck%
			%And as I'm laying there bleeding on the asphalt%
			%finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer%
			%who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me%

			%Everything you know is wrong%
			%Black is white, up is down and short is long%
			%And everything you thought was just so%
			%important doesn't matter%
			%Everything you know is wrong%
			%Just forget the lyrics and sing along&
			%All you need to understand is%
			%Everything you know is wrong%

			%I was walkin' to the kitchen for%
			 %some Golden Grahams%
			%when I accidentally stepped into an%
			 %alternate dimension%
			%and soon I was abducted by%
			 %some aliens from space%
			%who kinda looked like Jamie Farr%
			%They sucked out my internal organs%
			%and they took some polaroids and said I was%
			 %a darn good sport%
			%and as a way of saying thank you%
			%they offered to transport me back to any%
			 %point in history that I would like to go%
			%And so I had them send me back to last%
			 %Thursday night%
			%so I could pay my phone bill on time%
			%Just then the disembodied head of%
			 %Colonel Sanders started yelling%

			%Everything you know is wrong%
			%Black is white, up is down and short is long%
			%And everything you thought was just so%
			%important doesn't matter%
			%Everything you know is wrong%
			%Just forget the lyrics and sing along&
			%All you need to understand is%
			%Everything you know is wrong%

			%I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin%
			%when I got a nasty papercut%
			%and, well, to make a long story short%
			%it got infected and I died%
			%so now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter by%
			%the pearly gates%
			%and it's obvious that he doesn't like the%
			 %Nehru jacket that I'm wearing%
			%He tells me that they've got a dress code%
			%Well, he lets me into heaven anyway%
			%But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine%
			%for all eternity%
			%and every day he runs by screaming%

			%Everything you know is wrong%
			%Black is white, up is down and short is long%
			%And everything you thought was just so%
			%important doesn't matter%
			%Everything you know is wrong%
			%Just forget the lyrics and sing along&
			%All you need to understand is%
			%Everything you know is wrong%
			%Everything you know is wrong%
        
>     BILE STUDIOS PRESENTS:

	[The MAT 2K crew throws up in honor of seeing such a story.]

>     PETER'S JOURNEY
>     BY JANG CHOE

>Peter:  There, that's better.  I'm sorry Akane, I'm from >this other world
>where everything is three dimensional, and where I'm not so >cocky and
>powerful. 

Ranma: In fact, Mr. Peter, your mad little fantasy will come to an perfect end WHEN WE GET OUR HANDS AROUND YOUR THROAT!!! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!!

>Akane:  But this world is three dimensional! 

>Peter:  Nope, it's just the clever artists that used good >color schemes to
>give you guys the depth. 

	[A-kun takes in a deep breath.]

A-kun: Look, you....NIMROD, it only LOOKS two dimensional because the series wouldn't go very fast if Mrs. Takahashi and other artists had to draw in three dimensional pictures.  Not to mention the fact that somewhere out there, there is in fact a dimension where Ranma, Akane and every other animation character does in fact exist because every other dimension has to exist for this one to exist, so just shut the hell up before I have to come into that story and KICK YOUR SCRAWNY LITTLE ASS!!!!

Ranma: Man, I don't think even Kuno could beat that.

A-kun: [panting] He has on a few occasions.

Ami: So basically, a first dimensional person relies on a second dimensional person who relies on a third dimensional person, etc, etc, etc and vice versa, huh?

Ifurita: Actually, you can't have XY if X is missing or doesn't exist.  So, Peter wouldn't exist if it wasn't for two-dimensional people.  And two-dimensional people wouldn't exist without one-dimensional people.

A-kun: Which is why I'm a two-dimensional being.  No third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth, etc. dimensional beings can harm me.

Ifurita: That's what you think.

A-kun: That's right.

>Akane:  Oh I see. [Humoring him] So we're just drawings >huh? 

A-kun: You know, this guy's excuse is so thin, it doesn't even exist in the first dimension.

>Peter:  No need to humor me, cuz it is true. 

>     [Ranma-chan runs toward them.]

Ranma: [Ranma-chan, stopping dead in her track] Uh-oh, it's that...PETER.....thing.  I better beat it before he tries something stupid.

>RanmaC: What'd ya do that for, Akane?! 

Ranma: I haven't figured it out yet?  Man, I'm dense.

>Peter [crosses arms]:  My my, the one half is back. 

All: Huh?

Ranma: First of all, PETER, the term is 'Aquatranssexual'.  Learn it or die.  Secondly, 'the one half' would mean that I've been severed in two.  Say it again and die.  Thirdly, don't talk to me or any counter-part and die.  

>RanmaC:  What?! 

>Peter: You are half boy and half girl.  Actually, when you >get doused with
>cold water, you turn into a girl. To turn into a boy, you >have to have hot
>water.  This is a curse you got while training in Jusenkyo.  >You fell into
>the Nyanniichuian and therefore, you have that curse. >[Yawns] And your
>father has a similar curse, except that he turns into a >panda. 

	[Peter's head has already exploded, so the stump of his neck detonates.]

Ranma: I warned you.

>RanmaC:  Who is this weirdo, Akane? 

A-kun: [Akane] Like, my nails are drying, could you PLEASE shut up?

>Akane:  I don't know . . . he just knows everything. 

Ranma: No, he doesn't or he'd know that he's merely a figment of my imagination.

>RanmaC [Turns to Peter]:  Oh yea?

Ifurita: [RanmaC] Do you know the necessary amount of clorofilodelifuleconibinite to make Ramen?

A-kun: [Peter] Uh.....what?

Ifurita: [RanmaC] HA HA! TRICK QUESTION!!  DIE!!!!!

>What about in the combat areas?  Do you
>know how to fight?! 

Ranma: Oh come on, even _I_ don't talk like that.  I'm going to use Choe as a punching bag, anyone wanna join in?

Ami, A-kun and Ifurita: ME!  ME!  ME!!!

>Peter:  Yeah, of course.  Only the best Martial artist in >this universe,

A-kun: hasn't pounded the crap out of me.  Mainly because he/she/it/they doesn't want to bother.

The Borg Collective: Peter is irrevelant.  It would be a waste of time and resources to assimilate this... thing.  Oh, and Resistance and Peter are uselessly feeble and inept concepts of un-logic.  [The Borg Collective leaves disgusted.]

TharzZzDunN: [Appears wearing a janitorial outfit] Well I'll be ding-dang-doodledy darned if that isn't the biggest old pile of disgust I've ever laid eyes on. [Fades out to the tune of Wonder Woman.]

>that's it.  Not that I want to brag or anything, it's the >facts. 

Ifurita: He hasn't even tried to use any powers and he thinks he's the best martial artist in that universe?

Ranma: Then everyone else must have the speed of a slug,

A-kun: the combined strength of severely whipped cream,

Ami: be in a deep coma,

Ifurita: and it would _STILL_ have to be the smallest universe in all of existence.

Ranma: And then, he'd be a beginner.

>RanmaC:  What?! 

All: That's what we said.

>Peter:  You guys better hurry or you'll be late for school >. . .  Again. 

Ami: Akane and Ranma are NOT Usagi.

>Akane [Suddenly remembers:] Oh yeah! 

A-kun: Okay, they WERE late for school, then they stopped to listen to a moron, then remembered and ran to school.

>RanmaC: Don't think you can avoid me by saying something >like that in
>front of my face. After school, I want to see how tough you >really are. 

Ranma: Oh come on.  Like I waste my time with a loser who thinks he's a god just because he knows a few names, can speak Japanese (a gift clearly given to him by the deity controlling him) and says he's from a dimension with one more dimension than we have.

>     [Akane and RanmaC bolts towards Furinkan High. As they >close in to
>their destination, they see the school yard clock.

A-kun: [RanmaC] That @$%@#$^@^@^$^%$!!!  We're fifteen hours early!!

> They think they might
>actually get there in time but

Ifurita: Because the 'deity' controlling Peter wants to make a pointless machoistic point-

> to their misfortune, they meet Tatewaki

Ranma: Mizuhara.

Ami: Clinton.

Ifurita: Perot.

A-kun: Limbaugh.

Ranma: Moroboshi.

Ami: Ayanami.

Ifurita: Akagi.

A-kun: Bogard.

>Kuno, Blue

Ranma: TURD!

> Thunder of 

Ifurita: Shininome High.

>Furinkan

A-kun: Corporation.

> High, as always.]

Ami: Naked and taking a dump off the wall.

>Kuno [Hands outstretched]

Ifurita: And that's not all that's waving in the breeze.

>: Come, Pig-tailed girl,

A-kun: That line in itself can ruin our G rating.

> jump in to my arms! 

Ami: [RanmaC] Only if you aren't attached to them.

>RanmaC [cocks fist]:  Oh yea?!  Jump . . . 

A-kun: [Tori Spelling behind RanmaC] I think he's refering to me.

Ranma: [Tatewaki] Like hell I am!  Damn preppy.

>     [All of a sudden, before Ranma could finish her 

A-kun: [Beavis as Cornholio] Burrito...for her bunghole-o...

>obvious sentence and
>her obvious pummeling, an arm is stuck in front of Ranma.]

Ranma: Once again I change without any explanation.

Ami: That arm better be separate from who I think owns it.

>RanmaC:  Whaa?  Who? [Sees Peter
> next to her] YOU!

Ifurita: YOU @#%#$^!@#^@$&@$&$@&!^$%^&@&&##*(^#@^@$^!!!

	[Peter's torso detonates.]

>  What do you want? 

>Peter:  I can take care of this cur.

Ifurita:..ry.  Give it to me.

Ranma: [RanmaC] No.

	[Peter's right leg detonates as he is unable to understand why RanmaC wouldn't give him her curry.]

>  Go to class. 

Ranma: [RanmaC] No.

	[Peter's left arm detonates as once again he can't understand why RanmaC refused.]

>RanmaC:  Ha . . . I've been beating him up since . . . >[Thinks] Wait,
>maybe I should let him fight him.

A-kun:..self.

>  That way, I'll know how good he is. 

Ranma: Yeah, right.  Like I'd give up on THAT little joy.

>Like all the other weirdos that came here . . . Crys, Pat, >Twister . . .

Ranma: HEY!  I liked Twister.  Sure, he had me and Akane grow close enough to make it apparent what he wanted, but otherwise he wasn't as bad as Pat or Crys.

TharzZzDunN: [explodes out of the chest of Eva-01] Yeah, I mean Twister got me a really great set of Inflatable Urds.  [Hops onto the back of a Chocobo and rides off into the sunset.... where he explodes into pudding cups.]

>[Out loud] Okay then, take care of him for me. 

	[Peter loses as he is only a stumped right arm and a floating left shin.]

Ranma: [RanmaC] Why don't you just give up?  You're only a stumped right arm and a floating left shin?

Peter: 'Tis but a scratch.

Ranma: [RanmaC] No it's not!  You're body's gone!

Peter: I've had worse!

Ranma: [RanmaC] YOU LIAR!!  Right!  Now to take care of you!

Peter: Come on you PANSY!!!

Ranma: What are you going to do?  Dribble ash and blood on me?

Peter: Just see if I DON'T!!  HAVE AT YOU!!

	[Peter loses his right stump.  P-chan ate it, thinking it smelled like bacon.]

Ranma: [RanmaC] There.  I've defeated you.

Peter: IT'S ONLY A FLESH WOUND!!!!

>Peter:  You just want to see my fighting skills, Ranma. 

Ami: You know, I think I'll take care of the last bit.

	[Peter's left shin is grabbed by a dog.  The dog gnaws on it until all the meat is gone, then buries it.  As a final insult, the dog pees on the spot to mark it.]

Ranma: [RanmaC] Ready to give up?

Peter: [Looks at what remains of himself, which is nothing] Okay, let's call it a draw.

>That's why you're
>letting me take that fool on.  Otherwise, you would of >ignored me and
>pounded Kuno.

Ranma: If I was SMART, I would've killed you already and dumped your dead body into the river.  I might toss in a rice mat as an after thought.

>  Also, he's right on time.
>  The first person we authors
>always fight is Kuno. 

Ifurita: Actually, you're wrong.  You're not up to Kuno's skill level.  You'll have to start with Hiroshi or Daisuke.  If you're a REAL pansy, maybe Yuka or Sayuri.  Not Gosunkugi, he's too good for you.

TharzZzDunN: [climbing out after a winged monkey] I disagree, he's going to have to start with Ataru Moroboshi. [Starts spinning his webbing and swinging across the theater.  He's half-way there when a giant fly-swatter smacks him against the Fanfic.]

A-kun: _AUTHOR_?  Come on, with AUTHORS it's either Ranma or Akane.

>Kuno:  What?!

Ami: [Kuno] I'm allowing myself to be IGNORED?!?!?!?

>  How darest thou call the great Tatewaki Kuno, Blue >Thunder
>of Furikan High, a cur?! 

All: [in unison] He just did.

>Peter:  I called you a fool also. 

All: [in unison] Now prepare to die.

>Kuno:  Begone!

Ami: [Kuno] Oh, evil stain on my pants!  BEGONE!!!

Ifurita: [Sasuke] Kuno!  Get your butt back here!  The laundry isn't folded and the pirahnas need something to gnaw on.  Drop your-

A-kun: STOP RIGHT THERE!!!!

Ifurita: [Sasuke] -Evanjellydonut!

>  I need to be with my pig-tailed goddess.

Ranma: Hmmm, who should die first?  Peter or Kuno?  Peter or Kuno?

> [Notices Akane] And ho! Akane Tendo!  Oh the gods have >blesses me truly;  for two fairest
>of the fair standing in front of me. 

Ami: [Akane] Like, Kuno, my nails are still drying.  SHUT THE HELL UP!!

>Peter:  Hey Kuno, you won't have the pig tailed girl or >Akane when I'm
>around.

Ranma: If HE declares his undying love for them-

A-kun: Then we'll both die puking.

Ifurita: Hmmm, Choe seems to be able to draw that reaction out of anyone.

> You won't even get near them! 

Ranma: Neither will you.

	[A-kun, though he doesn't want to, reforms Peter partially as he is tired of looking at a phantom.  Unfortunately, he's still drained from before, so only Peter's right arm, right and center torso, left foot, and right thigh reform.  His head and neck have been restored so that the right half is completely recovered and half of the muscle for the left side of his head has reformed.  Oddly, it looks like a dog's @$$.  The ACs look at A-kun.]

A-kun: [shrugging] Eh.  Close enough.

>Kuno:  You dare come between me and my true loves!? [Raises >bokken]
>Prepare villain, for I shall attack thee! 

All: Kuno doesn't talk like that!

>Peter:  Attack, strike, do whatever.  You can't hurt me. 

	[Kuno moons Peter.  Peter melts into a pool of sludge.]

A-kun: DAMMIT!  Ami, get me my restorative, please?

Ami: [sighing] Sure.  It's in the top drawer, right?

A-kun: No, the top center.

Ami: I was asking whether I was correct as to it's position.

A-kun: Oh, yeah.  You're right.

	[Ami leaves.]

>[Blows on finger
>nails and polishes them on his shirt]

Ranma: Currently, that should be revised to 'manages to gurgle at what were his finger nails and manages to ooze them towards what was his shirt'.

>Kuno:  You have spoken too much.

	[Ranma, Ifurita and A-kun blink.]

Ifurita: THERE'S a first.  Kuno saying to someone else that THEY babble.

>  Prepare thee for my bokken strikes! 

A-kun: Why does Kuno sound more and more like a knightly character out of an RPG?

	[Ami returns with A-kun's restorative potion.  We notice the bottle has the words "Scumble's finest" (shameless plug #3) on it.]

>Tembatsuuuuuuuuuu . . . Dadadadadadadadadadadadada! 

Ranma: Wombatsaitsuuuuuuuuuu . . . duhduhduhduhduhduhduh!!

Ifurita: Powerkeysuuuuuuuuuu . . . fufufufufufufufufufuFU!!

Ami: Mokonooooooooo . . . pupupupupupupupupupupupupuPUU!!!!

	[A-kun downs his 'restorative'.]

A-kun: Racecaaaarrr . . . RRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRrrrrrrrEERRRRR!

>     [Peter just stands there moving ever so slightly to >barely dodge
>Kuno's feeble attacks.]

Ifurita: No, that should be 'Peter just lays there on the ground, rippling slightly as Kuno's attacks swirl him in circles.'

	[A-kun manages to restore Peter to the condition previously mentioned before Kuno mooned Peter.]

>Kuno [stops] Hmm?  So you are a quite formidable challenge.  >I shall have
>to use my ultimate technique . . . Thundering Bokken >Strike! [Raises
>bokken in the air and all of a sudden, a thunder is heard] 

A-kun: The Thundering-

Ami: -Bokken-

Ifurita: -Strike-

Ranma: Is Kuno with a case of gas?!?!?

>Haaaaa!
>DADADADADADADA! [Furiously thrusts the bokken]

>Peter [moving very minimally]:

Ranma: Yeah, it's kinda hard to move too far when someone is beating the crap out of you.

A-kun: I don't know.  A-ko and B-ko kinda move a lot when they fight.

>  Yawn, looks like the same old, pathetic
>attack.

	[Peter collapses and dies.  Or in North American animation, fades into another dimension.]

A-kun: DAMMIT!  I JUST FIXED YOU!!

> [Points his left pinky at Kuno] Kumahame ha. 

	[Nothing happens....well, Peter dies, of course, but otherwise, nothing really happens.  Mainly because "Kame Hame Ha" is misspelled.]

Ami: It's all in the spelling.

Ranma: *SIGH* Why do so few people realize that?

>     [A huge ki blast comes out of Peter's pinky

Ami: Comparing a ki bolt to ultra-subatomic-really tiny particles does NOT make it huge.

> and blows Kuno and the
>whole school away.]

All: YAAAAAAAYY!!

Ranma: I can't believe he basically killed himself!  I mean, how stupid do you have to be to commit first degree murder and destroy government buildings?

A-kun: I'd name someone, but it wouldn't be politically correct.

Ifurita: Now Peter will be captured and stuffed into a black metal box and put in the middle of the desert!

A-kun: Or if he was in a desert country, he'd be shot on the spot!

Ami: Any way you look at it, Peter is going to DIE!

All: YAAAAAAAAYYY!!!

>Ranma [Gaping] How . . . did you manage to throw that >tremendous ki blast? 

Ranma: No, no, no!  It'd be more like "How . . . STUPID are YOU?!  It was bad enough KILLING all those people, but to destroy a govenment BUILDING?!  Good KAMI-SAMA man, I hope you can run really fast for a REALLY long time!"

A-kun: Where upon Peter would either be DEAD from the use of his ki or he'd be saying something like "Uh....@#%@!  I didn't mean to do it!!  I SWEAR!!".  Then, he'd be clubbed to death by Kasumi Tendo, Nabiki Tendo, Umino Gurio, Azusa Shiratori, Ms. Hinako, Hiroshi, Daisuke, Sayuri, Yuka, Naru, Nanami Katsuhito, and P-chan.

>Peter:  I just do it.  And that was my weakest attack. 

A-kun: More like "I just do it.  Duh...my mama always said 'Stupid is as stupid does, but good lord boy, you take the cake.'  I never DID figure out why mama always said that."

>RanmaC:  What? No way! 

Ranma: [RanmaC] You're full of crap, aren't you?

A-kun: [Peter] How'd YOU know?!

>     [Peter walks towards the unconscious Kuno and looks at >him.]

Ifurita: [eagerly] This is where Kuno's eyes start glowing red and he stands up, grabs a Vulcan cannon and blows Peter to bits, right?

A-kun: [calmly] Stop, Ifurita.  This story isn't THAT good.

Ami: [eagerly] Oh, oh!  This is where the SDF lands on Peter, killing him instantly!

A-kun: [calmly] No, that's not likely. This story will never be THAT good.

Ranma: [eagerly] I know, I know!  This is where the portal to the Abyss opens up, Oscar comes out, shakes his head and says "Son, how the hell did you get out?  Get into your room, right now!", right?

A-kun:.....maybe.

>Peter [shaking head]: Pathetic. 

Ami: I never knew he had that much insight into the fanfic.

>Akane:  Is . . . he okay? 

A-kun: [Peter] I'm sorry, Akane.  The gerbil....is dead.

Ifurita: [Akane] Oh well.

Ami: [Peter] Oh, and because of the Nanban, I'm your grandmother!

	[Ranma, Ifurita and A-kun puke.]

Ranma: [hoarsely] DON'T EVER MENTION THAT AGAIN!!!

>Peter:  Of course, I don't kill unless it is extremely >necessary.

A-kun: Morals?  Peter?  Someone else must've taken over at this point.

>  I
>controlled my blast to barely miss him.

Ami: That's like saying "Don't worry.  I only hit the ground -next- to him with that N2 Mine."

> I just wanted to surprise that
>fool.

Ifurita: That's like me saying "Oh, the Red Lightning won't HURT anyone!  It's just a GREAT fireworks display!"

>  I did a good job freaking him out, no?

	[Kuno stands up.]

Kuno: [deadpan] Ha. Ha. [Pulls a shotgun and fires at Peter.]

	[Peter reacts like the T1000.  Soon, they manage to toss him into a vat of Akane's cooking.  Nothing remains.]

A-kun: Now I have to rebuild him from the ground up!  Thanks a lot, guys!

> [Peter means that the blast
>still went towards Kuno, but the blast separated at the >last moment.

Ifurita: That's like saying the Megasmasher still went at the Zoanoids, but separated at the last moment to kill them all anyway.

Ami: Or the SDF Cannon fired at the Zentraedi, but separated at the last moment to destroy thousands of ships anyway.

>  So
>it was like there was a hole the size of Kuno in the core >of the blast.

Ranma: Wait.  It separated at the last moment, so Kuno must be faking or Peter must be lying his ass off.

>Man, he's good.]

All: [in unison] for nothing!

>Akane: What about our school? 

Ami: [Akane] Like, I totally have to go tell my friends, that you're, like, groddy to the MAX!

>Peter:  Not to worry, [waves hands in the air, and all the >rubble builds
>itself to Furinkan high.]

A-kun: Yeah, that's great.  Now if only he could do the same to himself!

Ranma: And what of the dead people INSIDE?!?!

	[Peter has been reconstructed once more, much like what was mentioned earlier before he was shot and tossed into the vat of Akane's cooking.  However, he has no flesh or hair and he's currently bleeding all over the place.]

>Akane: ?! 

Ami: [Akane] KAMI-SAMA you're disgusting!

>RanmaC: Huh? Is this some sort of nightmare? 

All: [in unison] Yes, get used to it.  We're in the same boat.

>Peter:  Well, since I'm here, I'll go to this school.

Ami: And will you be making up your background, making sure no one can figure out it's fake, and making any money?

>  Oh, I'm staying
>with you guys okay?  Don't worry I'll pay for the stupid >board and
>lodging.  Say . . . 70,000 yen a month? 

A-kun: [Ranma] Ha.  Ha.  We don't take checks from HIGH SCHOOL students that DON'T WORK.

Ami: And your money is no good.  Cross-dimensional paths would rend your currency as useless as a dead cockroach.

Ifurita: Or your pe-

Ranma and A-kun: STOP!!!

>Nabiki:  Deal! 

Ranma: [Nabiki] Okay, you guys can break his legs, but I get to smash his skull in!

A-kun: [groaning] Not again!

>Peter:  Well, nice of you to come out of nowhere Nabiki.  >What do you guys
>say?  I'll even crash on the living room sofa. 

Ami: [Nabiki] Sure, but since we don't OWN a sofa, you'll have to live in the dumpster behind our house.

Ifurita: [Akane] You mean the one where we toss all my cooking experiments and dead laboratory rats?

Ranma: [RanmaC] And the one we have to burn every night to keep the blob-like creatures from disolving too many people?

Ami: [Nabiki] One and the same!

A-kun: [groaning] I'll get more restoratives.  I have a feeling I'll be needing all the liquor I can get before THIS fanfic is over.

>RanmaC:  Uhhh, what's your name again? 

All: [in unison] LOSER!!

	[A-kun leaves.]

>Peter:  Again?  I never told you my name in the first >place. It's Peter
>Con.

Ranma: [RanmaC] No.  I'm sure it wasn't that.  Quincy, right?

Quincy: Don't you DARE call that.....thing by my name!

Ami: [Akane] Happosai?

Happosai: ACK!

Ifurita: Even Happosai isn't THAT repulsive to look at (even with his flesh removed) [Nabiki] Jabba the Hut?

Jabba the Hut: URP!*

	[* Translation: Refer that thing to me and I'll barf!  I know I can melt stone with my face, but this guy makes me look like Brad Pitt!]

Ranma: What a complex language.... (Shameless plug #4)

>Akane:  Hey, that's a gaijin name, but you don't look >foreign. 

All: [in unison] DRINKING NOTHING BUT SAKE FOR TWENTY YEARS DOESN'T MAKE SOMEONE LOOK JAPANESE!!!

>Peter:  Does it matter? 

Ami: [Akane] Yes.  If you're part of the gene pool around here, then we're in some serious need of genetic cleansing.

A-kun: [re-entering the theater with a bag of liquor] That's mean, Ami.

Ami: Well, Peter ain't exactly that handsome.  In fact, without any flesh, he's actually become mildly tolerable to look at.

A-kun: Kinda like Marilyn Manson.  Once MTV made a claymation of him, the claymation looked more tolerable than the real person.

>Akane:  Uhhh.. 

All: [Butthead] What?

>Peter:  Say, "no." 

Ami: [Akane] All right, I won't sleep with you, you arrogant FU-

Ranma and Ifurita: STOP!!

A-kun: Peter, if everyone does as you say, you'll lose interest-

ACs: -Or die-

A-kun: From boredom.

ACs: Or just die and save us the trouble of doing it again.

>Akane:  No. 

A-kun: You. Are. A. Filthy. Pervert. And. You. Write. Like William. Shatner. Talks. And. Acts.

>Peter:  Good. 

Ranma: Can he say that in a more undisgusting fashion?

Ami, A-kun and Ifurita: [in unison] No.

>Peter:  Well, lets go to school.  Wait, anybody have a >mirror? 

Ranma: Hey, I just thought of something!  If Peter sees himself, it'll be like the medusa looking into a mirror!

Ami: Except instead of turning to stone, he'll burst into flames.

Ifurita: Or melt the mirror.

>Nabiki:  Here.  But it'll cost ya. 

Ami: [Peter] BUT I'M A USELESS WIMP THAT HAS NO MONEY OR BRAINS OR I MIGHT HAVE KEPT HALF OF MY SECRETS IN CASE OF EMERGENCIES BUT I'M SO STUPID I CAN'T DO ANYTHING!!!

>Peter:  Here. [Hands over the money] I never did see what I >looked like
>animated.

A-kun: [Peter] For some reason, all the reflective surfaces around here keep melting in my presense.

>  Hmmmmm, I kinda look like Megane from Urusei Yatsura.  >Except I
>have much shorter hair, but I can always fix that.

Ranma: I'd rather be in a YAOI lemon fanfic with Megane than look at Peter much more.....then again, maybe not either.

> [Turns his face into
>Trunks, Terry Bogard, Kim Kaphan, Keiichi Morisato, Ranma >Saotome, ect.]

Ifurita: However for some reason, the faces keep melting back to his normal disgusting form.

Ranma: Something like a cross between Happosai and Gendo Ikari.

Ifurita: Except they actually look attractive compared to Peter.

>Ranma:  Okay, you can stop now. [Peter turns his face back >into Megane's,
>err . . .  his.]

Ami: Well, he intended to change it to Megane's face, but it melted again.  Not even his godhood gives him enough power to change his face for more than 6 seconds.

>Peter:  Oh Nabiki, check the money before you take it.  I >gave you money
>from the 25th edition Monopoly game. 

A-kun: [Nabiki] Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Wuss boy!  You make Adrian Atkinson look like Washuu-dono.

Washuu: [Appearing out of nowhere] That's Washuu-CHAN!!! [disappears]

Ami: Shouldn't that be a male reference?

A-kun: No.

>Nabiki: [Looks at the wad of yen he gave and sure enough, >it is.]

A-kun: Yen.  Not monopoly money.

> What?! 
>I swore you gave me--

>Peter:  Fake money. 

	[Nabiki laughs about it for about five seconds, then promptly beats Peter up and using her hidden powers, shreds his body into paper confetti, making him feel every agonizing ounce of pain before she mercifully kills him by tossing his skull in front of an oncoming Mack truck.]

A-kun: GEEZ!!  I just got done with him!

	[A-kun sets about repairing the damage.]

>     [All of a sudden, Hinako Ninomiya comes out of the 

A-kun and Ranma: [hope in their eyes] -Closet?!

	[*POW* *KABAM* *CRUNCH* *SNAP* *CRACKLE* *PIFFLE*  Rice Crunchies!]

>school.]

Ami: [rolling her eyes] Gee, where ELSE might she come from?

Ifurita: Alabama?

>Hinako [to Peter]:  You! You must

Ranma: DIE!!!!

> be a delinquent! You destroyed the

A-kun: CREDIBILITY OF THIS STORY!!!

>School! 

>Peter:  I fixed it back up. 

Ami: [Hinako] And what about the rotting corpses?

Ranma: [Peter] I'M A WUSS!!!

Ami: How does that solve anything?

Ranma: I'm just stating facts.

Ifurita: [Peter] I must run away!  I must run away!

A-kun: [Peter] There's no place like home!  There's no place like home! Get me out of here, Magic Beanite Baby!!

>Hinako:  Don't argue with your elder!

Ranma: You know, to keep this story on the same logic path it's been on since line 1, he'll have to say something stupid like "Sure, when I find someone who's older than 5!".

Ami: That doesn't make any sense.

Ifurita: Ami, Idiot Logic is what this story is on.

A-kun: And apparently the author has just taken another hit from his BONG!!

>  Happo 5 yen Shatsu! 

Ami: Not here!  This is a public place and your pants aren't even down!

	[*WHAP*  Ifurita puts her Power Key Staff down.]

>     [She sucks Peter's

	[A-kun and Ranma gasp in horror.  Ami and Ifurita whap them.]

> energy and grows to her true form.]

Ifurita: IT'S "ADULT FORM", YOU MORON!!

>Peter:  Ha ha.

Ami: [The Author] Damn, that joke just flew out o' my skull...

>  I didn't even feel a thing.

Ifurita: Of course I didn't feel anything!  I'm not in the damn story!

A-kun: [Peter] Except for the fact that I'm FUBAR'd.

Ami: Then Peter collapses like the wuss he is!

Ranma: [Peter, deadpanned, fried or just dead] Any one who wants to check out a book, may check out a book.

Ami: This guy is as exciting as WHALE SNOT!

>  I have enough energy in me to

Ifurita: Mildly power a pen light.

A-kun: Cause a flicker in a light bulb.

Ami: Cause a small bolt of static electricity.  'Course, I need an hour, a television set and a REALLY staticky rug.

Ranma: To drop my pants and disgust maggots, dogs or maggot dogs.

Ifurita: He doesn't need to drop *ANYTHING* to do that.

A-kun: Mind you, just barely.

>blow away

A-kun: And disgust

> this solar system.

Ami: And all others.

>  Anyway, I want to enroll in this school. 

Ifurita: [Hinako] Sorry, you failed the GEEK test.  And mind you, NO ONE can fail the GEEK test.

>Who do I go see?

Ifurita: I'd make a comment, but it's not worth it.

>  That Kuno principal? 

Ranma: No, Kuno isn't the principal. His DAD is, but not Kuno.

>Hinako:  Yea . . . if you go in through that door and turn >left . . . 

Ifurita: And go down a few million miles, and then you can go STRAIGHT TO HELL YOU WORTHLESS MAGGOT INFESTED- [Ifurita is tackled, though she manages to make some comments that would make even you blush.  She is tossed into the Decontamination Cell, better known as a wrestling ring full of delicious chocolate pudding]

>Wait a minute, you still have to be taught a lesson! 

Ranma: [Hinako] But since you disgust me, all I'll bother to teach you is 2+2=4.

Ami: [Peter, astonished] I never knew that!  Maybe being a worthless TURD and DRINKING SAKE FOR FORTY YEARS MIGHT HAVE MADE ME A TOTAL F^#KING TWIT!!  AND ANOTHER THING- [Ami is tackled and tossed into the Decontamination Cell #2]

>Peter:  Here, have a blow pop. 

A-kun: [Hinako] Go blow yourself!

Ranma: [to A-kun] You want to be put into a Decontamination Room?

A-kun: [grumbling] Bite me.....Peter can just go- [Ranma glares at him.  A-kun pouts]

>Hinako [turning little again] Yeahhhh candy! 

Ranma: PLEASE!  She's not THAT... okay, she IS that unfocused, but she'll blow him to pieces first.

A-kun: Hope not, I'm running low on booze.  Between Peter and Adrian Atkinson, I've had to consume most of the U.S.'s alcohol.

>Peter:  Teachers are so easy to please . . . 

Ranma and A-kun: [narrowing their eyes] I prefer that you DIE before you even THINK of what we think you're thinking.

>     [Peter goes inside the High School and registers.  

A-kun: That he's a total DINK!

>After that, he

Ranma: Proves it.

>joins Nabiki in her Physics class.

A-kun: [Teacher] Now, students.  We'll be learning how to kill Peter by our laws of Physics.  One way, is by ignoring him.

	[The class ignores Peter.  He bursts into flames and screams as he vanishes.]

A-kun: Damn!  Only three seconds and already he's gone!

>  The students here look bored,
>uninterested, and some of them are even falling asleep.  

Ranma: Because PETER is so uninteresting.

>Well, all of them
>are, except Peter of course.]

Ranma: Because Peter is so AMAZED at the pretty white thing in the teacher's hand.

>Teacher [thinking]:  Those worthless, stupid punks.

A-kun: [Teacher] Especially that lump.  Calls itself 'Peter'.  I call it A FLAMING TURD!! AND ANOTHER THING- [Ranma tackles A-kun and shoves him into Decontamination Cell #3.  Ifurita knocks on her door politely and Ranma opens it for her, though not trusting that she won't blow up again.]

>  Look at them, they
>don't know what the hell I'm saying.

Ranma: [Teacher] Hell, I don't know what I'm saying.

Ifurita: Feeling cheated about your education?

Ranma: Hell yeah.  I was WAY above what THEY were talking about.  I could spell at a college level before I graduated from Elementary and I was performing chemistry experiments to change sand into water.  Successfully.  What about you?  What was the most you ever learned?

Ifurita: I could count.  Up to thirteen.  And I knew Geometry.

	[Ranma blinks.]

Ranma: And you're supposed to be an Ultimate Weapon?

Ifurita: [angrily] HEY!  You really don't need to know much when you're only built to be a weapon and a sexy distraction.

Ranma: Sorry.  I didn't know.

Ifurita: That's why I liked Makoto.  He was so intelligent, sure a bit nervous, but intelligent.

>  Aggg, I give up.

Ifurita: I hope that's the Author talking.

Ranma: Don't count on it.

>Maybe I should
>transfer to Tomobiki High and teach there.

Ranma: [Teacher] Sure, I'll probably have thousands of horrible things happen to me, but it beats being in the same room as PETER!

>[Talking] Okay, who can do this
>problem on the board? [Points at the Physics problem on the >chalk board.]

Ifurita: Of course, Peter, even though he can read minds, won't be able to figure it out.

Ranma: And it's an Elementary problem.

>Anyone?  Okay, then I'll pick somebody. [Scans the pathetic >student body]
>Nabiki! You do it.

Ifurita: [Nabiki] Fine.  43.*

	[* - 43 is the number that causes Peter's demise!]

Ranma: [Teacher] Correct.

	[Peter's head detonates, killing a few random students and covering everyone else with gore.  No one notices.]

>Nabiki [Quickly puts away her money that she got from Kuno. 

Ifurita: [Nabiki] I've got a few answers that are vague and I've got a few that are accurate.  Which do you want?

Ranma: [Teacher] Any answer will do.

Ifurita: [Nabiki] Okay.  Trout.

>At least she
>made some money here.]:

Ifurita: Yeah.  That S.O.B. Peter didn't realize she has a family to raise and a house to constantly repair.

Ranma: And don't blame ME for any of the damage.  I know my counter-parts provoke it, but _AKANE_ is the one who does the REAL damage.

> Oh, I'm not sure on how to do it. 

Ranma: And she's in the class? *SIGH* When will they learn?

	[Ami comes out of her cell and sits down.]

>Teacher:  Doesn't matter, I just want to see you get >embarrassed. 

Ami: [rolling her eyes] As if a REAL teacher would talk like that to a student.  This guy is obviously a fake.  Sure, they throw chalk, but if they want to keep their jobs, they don't talk like that to students.  Even if they ARE favored.

>Nabiki:  Er um . . . that new kid wants to do it. [Points >at Peter]

Ranma: [Nabiki] That'll teach the S.O.B. to ruin my rep.

>Peter:  No, I don't. 

Ami: [Peter] CAUSE I'M A WUSS!!!

>Teacher:  I don't care who does it . . .  both of you come >up here and do
>it then. 

Ifurita: Okay, THIS is in place.  FOR AMERICAN TEACHERS!!

>Nabiki [goes up and whispers to the teacher]: Look teacher, 

Ami: [Nabiki] I know where you live.

Ranma: [Teacher] Peter, you do it.  And you have six seconds before I pop a cap in your sorry @$$.

>I know what
>you think about us.  I even have you talking about us in >the teacher's
>lounge, taped.  Now, if you don't want twenty angry >teenagers at your
>throat, I suggest you make me skip out on this. 

>Teacher:  Nabiki sit down.  Peter, you do it. 

>Nabiki [thinking and grinning]:  This is for that fake >money you gave me. 

	[The ACs blink in surprise.]

Ami: Dang.  We weren't that far off.

>Peter [smiles and confidently gets up and goes to the >board. Then he looks
>at the problem]:

	[Peter's stumped neck explodes from anxiety.]

>  Jeez, mechanics.  I remember this in my real world.  I
>liked it, but I never learned anything.

A-kun: [exiting his DeTox Room] Much like everything else.

> Okay, A child of mass m sits in a
>swing of negligible mass suspended by a rope of length l.  >Assume that the
>dimensions of the child are negligible compared with l.  >The child's
>father pulls the child back until the rope makes an angle >of one radian
>with the vertical. [Deep breath] then pushes with a force >F= mg along the
>arc of the circle, releasing at the vertical... okay, a), >how high will
>the swing go?  B), how long did the father push? [Starts >putting some
>stuff on the board,
> all of a sudden, Nabiki raises her hand.]

>Teacher:  Yes Nabiki, what is it? 

Ami: [Nabiki] He made a mistake there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there *DEEP BREATH*, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there and there.

A-kun: [Peter] But that's the entire problem.

Ranma: [Teacher] You were looking at my answer book.  And it was the wrong question you were looking at.  AND THE ANSWER IS STILL WRONG!!

>Nabiki:  I don't get what he's writing.  

Ami: [Nabiki] And I know seventy-two languages and I'm a whiz at all forms of math.

>Can you tell him to explain it
>for us? [Grins]

A-kun: [Peter] BUT I'M A WUSS!!

>Teacher:  Go ahead.

Ifurita: [raising her Power Key Staff] Thanks teach!

A-kun: NO!!

	[Ifurita blasts Peter into oblivion once more.  A-kun manages to restore Peter's skeletal structure, a third of his muscle mass and some flesh on his feet.]

> [Thinks] That fool, not even I know how to do that
>problem.  That stupid ass will make a fool of himself. 

Ranma: If a teacher can't teach the subject that he is teaching, then he is NOT a teacher and will be fired.  Even Principal Kuno won't allow THAT sort of f$%k up.

>Peter:  Okay, The father here does work in pushing the >swing right?

Ranma: [Teacher] YOU WERE LOOKING AT THE WRONG QUESTION!  That one was solved yesterday!  We just forgot to clean it off!  AND THE ANSWER IS STILL WRONG!!

>  The
>work done increase the total energy of the swing and child >as the swing
>moves from its initial position, X.= radian, x is the >angle.

Ami: There's a mistake there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there and there.

>  Anyway, the
>swing moves from its initial position x. to the vertical >position where
>the father stops pushing.  From that point on, total energy >of the swing
>and child remains constant.

Ifurita: Wrong.  The total energy of the swing would diminish as the swing traveled.  Otherwise, the kid would go flying into orbit.

Ami: Or spin around the swing a few hundred times until the swing stopped because of his dead body.

A-kun: I know nothing of mechanics, but I'm pretty sure the physics behind that are impossible.

>  Right Nabiki? 

Ami: [Nabiki] I know _I'M_ right, but you're completely off.

>Nabiki:  Yeaa . . . 

Ranma: [Nabiki] I've got your real wallet, what do YOU want?

>Peter:  Goood.  Work done by the father is found from >[starts writing]

Ami: And promptly stops thinking.
                
>W = integral of ( F * dr) = intergral (F dr cos X) 
   

>Where r is the distance along the path. So,
         
>W = integral X * mg cos (0 degrees) dr = mglX. 
        
               
>a)  we use conservation of energy to find how high the >swing goes.

Ifurita: Hate to say this....actually, I love to say this, but you're in an animated world.  The law of Conservation is null and void.

>  Just
>let the potential of the swing and child be O at the >vertical position
>where the father lets go. And . . . 

Ami: [Peter] I'm WNOGR!

Ranma: He's so wrong, he said 'Wrong' wrong.

>(PE at X.) + W = PE at X = Etotal = constant (3)  
>mg (l - l cos X.) + mglX. = mg (l- l cos X) 

>so now we transpose the equation, substitute, fill in the >variables, and
>solve for part a. 

A-kun: This has to be Nabiki explaining.  Peter ain't THIS smart.

Ifurita: Hey, this is neat. [holds up a tricorder] If you scan Peter, the tricorder says he's made of feces from a bull.

Ranma: So...you COULD say he's full of B.S.

Ami: Actually, he's the offspring of B.S.

>mgl (1 -cos X. + X.) = mgl (1 - cos X)
>1 - 0.54 + 1 = 1- cos X
>cos X = 0.46
>X = 63 degrees above the horizon.

>and now for part b,  Bla Bla bla and the answer for part b >is
>2.09 * the square root of (l/g) 

Ranma: We asked for an answer, not an equation.

A-kun: That IS an answer.  Of sorts.

Ifurita: [deadpanned] Ha, ha, ha.  But they won't take 'Blah, Blah, blah' for an answer.  It's even spelled wrong.

>Nabiki:  Ummmmm, thanks Peter. [looks disappointed]

Ami: [Nabiki] I was hoping he'd shut the hell up!

Ranma: We were all hoping for that.

>Peter [smiling]: How's that for a stupid ass teach? 

All: [Teacher] You're expelled.  Oh, and here's a Verbal Assualt suit.

A-kun: [Peter] Not another one!

>Teacher:  HUH?  oh, that's good. 

Ami: That Peter has more than one.  The Teacher wouldn't want this to be an isolated incident.

>     [Everybody suddenly are amazed at Peter's explanation.  

Ifurita: Mainly because all of them have completed the course before and never before has anyone that stupid tried to B.S. their way through a problem.

>They actually
>wake up and start to pay attention.

Ranma: Hoping to get a few more cheap laughs out of Peter's stupidity.

> After class, the students crowd around
>Peter.]

Ranma: [Student, awed] You sucked on the tailpipe of a car for HOW long?!

Ami: [Peter] Yep, two hundred hours straight.  Oh sure, my parents and uncles and aunts and grandparents were smacking me over the head with two by fours trying to get me on the tailpipe so they could drive, but I stayed on until I was SURE my brain was dead.

>Student 1:  Wow, for a Gaijin, you're pretty smart! 

A-kun: HEY!  He's not even using proper punctuation or giving people names.  Close personal FRIENDS mind you, so he's not THAT smart.  Even _I_ can lie my ass off and give friends random names.

>Peter:  Shaddup

A-kun: Oh yeah, that'll show them your intellect.

Ami: [Student 1] On second thought, you don't even look like a Arthur Fonzorelli.

>Student 2:  You don't look Gaijin though, you even speak >perfect Japanese. 

Ranma: Are you kidding?  He can't even speak English properly!

All: DRINKING SAKE FOR FORTY YEARS DOESN'T MAKE YOU JAPANESE!!  AND IT ALSO DOESN'T ALLOW YOU TO SPEAK PERFECT JAPANESE!!!

>Peter:  Of course I speak perfect Japanese! Actually, I'm a >Choosenjin. 

Ifurita: DRINKING SAKE FOR FORTY YEARS DOESN'T MAKE YOU A CHOOSENJIN!!

A-kun: Whatever the hell that is.  Besides, I don't think it's even close to what I think it is.

>Student 1:  Ahhh, but why you have a American name? 

Ranma: Because he's a dumb ass?

>Peter: I became a citizen of the US and changed my first >name.  Con is a
>rare Kankoku no surname. 

A-kun: Look, if you're going to speak perfect Japanese, your words have to be translated. unless the words have no English eqvialent.  Like 'Okonomiyaki' does NOT mean pancake.

>Student 2: Ohhh. 

Ami: [Student 2] You're so stupid!  My tricorder isn't even listing you as a living being.

>     [The students go to their next class, and lucky for >Pete,

Ranma: He's dead.

A-kun: I CAN'T TAKE THIS!!  PETER'S SNOBBY ATTITUDE IS DESTROYING THE REPUTATION OF EVERY SELF-INSERTION AUTHOR EVERYWHERE!!

	[A-kun powers up to Super Saiyan A-kun.]

Super Saiyan A-kun: SUPER SAIYAN A-KUN-

> Nabiki is
>in his next class as well.]

Super Saiyan A-kun: FANFIC DESTROYER!!!!

	*KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*

	[Sadly, the fanfic is unscathed.]

Super Saiyan A-kun: [aghast] It......survived?  IMPOSSIBLE!!  THAT ATTACK HAS DESTROYED PARTS OF OSCAR'S FANFICS!!  IT CAN'T BE!!!  NOTHING CAN WITHSTAND A FANFIC DESTROYER WITHOUT AT LEAST _SOME_ DAMAGE!!!

Ifurita: This isn't a fanfic.  It's an anti-fan-fic.

Super Saiyan A-kun: [powering down and stunned] Even so... it should have taken SOME damage....

>Peter [to Nabiki]: Oh Nabiki, don't try to embarrass me >again.  It will
>never work.

Ami: [Peter] I'm shameless.

Ranma: As if this fanfic wasn't proof enough?

>  Even your blackmailing schemes won't work either okay?  

Ifurita: Look _PETER_, Nabiki's 'Blackmailing schemes' are really the only way Nabiki can get money to save the dojo from becoming a parking lot.

Ranma: Further more, Peter expects to live at the Tendo Dojo after giving Nabiki _FAKE MONEY_ and expects me and the Nerima crew not to try assassinating him?

>Don't
>worry, I won't get revenge, I don't waste my time planning >revenge for
>some low life like you. 

All: Low life?

Ranma: Um, Peter?  Pot, Kettle, Black?

>Nabiki:  Low life? 

A-kun: We can't believe it either.

>Peter:  Yeah, why don't you make your father work anyway?  

Ami: Mr. Tendo DOES work.  He works at the dojo.  He lives at the dojo.  He's not successful in the least.  That's why Nabiki supports the family.

>Why do you
>always have to manipulate people to get money?

Ifurita: Um, gee.  Because otherwise her family would be on the streets?

>Nabiki: . . . 

>Peter:  Don't answer, I already know the answer to it.  But >do you? 

A-kun: Actually _PETER_, if that _IS_ your real name, if you knew the answer, you wouldn't be asking those dumb-ass questions.  And truly omniscient beings wouldn't bother asking questions unless they had a greater purpose.

>Nabiki: Look, I don't know who you are, but you better get >out of my life! 

Ami: [Drawing a her Sailor Scout Mega-Smasher] Die, you MORON!!

	[Ami fires.  Peter is annihilated.  A-kun sighs and creates Peter's left arm  (stumped at the shoulder), the upper arm of Peter's right arm, Peter's left foot (minus flesh) and Peter's internal organs.  Oddly enough, there's only a stomach and an esophagus.  All of the parts are spewing out blood.]

A-kun: Dammit!  This is getting more disgusting every reconstruction.

>Peter:  You can get a job secretly, since it is illegal for >minors to work
>in Japan.

Ami: Again, you're thinking of America.  In Japan, it IS legal for minors to work, so long as it is not full time.  Jeez, hasn't this guy seen Ranma 1/2, Sailor Moon, and about a few THOUSAND other series that have children/TEENAGERS working?

>  Like . . . Ayukuwa from Kimagure Orange Road. 

Ami: He's basing this off Kimagure Orange Road.  THAT explains why he doesn't know a damn thing about Japan.

>Nabiki: I never work for money! 

All: [scowling] He's suggesting she become a prostitute?

A-kun: [narrowing his eyes] Next time, he can just remain sludge. I'm NOT reconstructing him.

>Teacher:  Nabiki! You better be quiet.  Go stand on the >hall. 

Ifurita: And he didn't note Peter saying a damn thing?  Uh-uh.  Teachers who see one student talking throw out the student they were facing as well.

>     [Soon, the school is over.  Peter just about teaches >every class he's
>in,

Ranma: Showing more and more people that he knows absolutely nothing about anything.  He can't even count properly.

> making friends everywhere.

Ifurita: Unfortunately, the saying "With friends like these, who needs enemies?" applies to all of them.

> Ranma, Nabiki, and Akane walk together
>toward the Tendo Dojo.]

Ami: All of them drawing their vulcan cannons to prepare to destroy Peter.

>Nabiki:  Hurry up guys. 

>Akane:  Hey, aren't we suppose to show Peter to the dojo? 

>Nabiki:  Who cares? I hate that guy. Let's go. 

>Ranma: Okay okay, but what about that 70,000 yen he was >about to pay? 

Ami: He was standing right there and heard Nabiki complain about Peter giving her fake money and he doesn't remember?

Ranma: Man!  Why does everyone think my mind is like so many sivs?

>Nabiki:  Doesn't matter, lets go before he finds us. 

All: Good thinking!

>Akane [thinking] Nabiki not wanting money?  Peter must have >done something
>terrible to Nabiki. 

Ami: [Akane] He did something terrible to Nabiki?  [Akane, seething] Where did I put the controls to the satelite weapons?

>Peter [watches the trio run to the Tendo dojo] Heh. Jeeze, >I'm hungry. 
>Maybe I should follow them and have Kasumi fix me something 

All: [seething] He planned to make Kasumi slave over a hot stove for his ungrateful ass?  We don't THINK so!

>. . . Nah. 

Ranma: Huh.  My powers must be amplifying.

>I'll go to Nekohanten and visit Mousse.  I have a present >for him.  [Goes
>to Nekohanten] Oh, and a word from our sponsor.  We have to >have
>commercial breaks here you know?  The Crys Saga did. 

Ifurita: He thinks the Crys Saga is something to model his story on, Choe must be bapped.  Hard.

A-kun: Wait till he finds out who sent the revenge crew after him.

>*Commercial Break*

>Announcer:  Now McDonalds have a new burger out.  For that >grown up taste: 
>The Arch Deluxe.  It's basically the Whopper with fake meat >and a
>different type of bread.  Now you can take your child to >McDonalds no
>matter how old he/she is. 

>Jingle:  Have you had your break today? 

>*End Commercial Break*

Ronald McDonald: I feel so violated right now.

>     [Nekohanten and Peter casually walks in. Shampoo, in >her nicely form
>fitting outfit comes out cheerfully.]

A-kun: [Shampoo] Eeeeeew, Great-grandmother, your date here.

Ami: [Cologne] Ah, I've been waiting a few hundred years for you to show up.

>Shampoo:  Nihao!  Welcome to Nekohanten! 

Ranma: If you are a three-dimensional DORK, we can't serve you.

	[A few unnamed authors stand up, mutter something incoherent and walk out.]

>Peter [speaks in perfect Mandarin]:  

Ami: [sarcastically] That's nice, [serious] but Pu is the last part of her first name. The tribe's name is her official last name.  So it's Xian Pu Jokuketsuzoku.  Officially anyway.

>Shampoo:  I was
>beginning to wonder when I'd be able to talk in my own >language again.>

All: COLOGNE AND MOUSSE ARE STILL THERE, DUMB-ASS!!

>Peter:  Chinese because
>she wants you to learn Japanese.>

Ranma: But there are still things that Cologne would have to explain in Mandarin that even she wouldn't be able to explain in Japanese.

>Shampoo: 

Ifurita: [sarcastically] He's a 'three-dimensional' person.

>Peter:  Long.>

A-kun: I need to know.  Who are Ko Long and Mu Xuu?  Do they have any relation to Mu Tsu and Khu Lon?  Or rather Mousse and Cologne?

Ifurita: Let's see... Clong and Muzoo?

Ami: No, he misspelled it!  It's Colon and Kazoo!

>Shampoo [smiling]: secret Amazon
>dialect?>

Ami: [Shampoo] HA! TRICK QUESTION!  THERE'S ONLY A SECRET AMAZONIAN WORD!!

>Peter [speaks in perfect Amazonian]:  <>

A-kun: This is a death sentence, dumb-ass.

>Shampoo [extremely surprised]:  <know the
>sacred Amazonian dialect!>>

Ifurita: [Shampoo] <>

>Peter [goes back to Mandarin]:  some of your
>great Ramen.>

Ranma: Yeah....try the ramen.....BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  What a dumb-ass!

>Shampoo [looks at him funny]: <>

Ifurita: [Shampoo, thinking] I don't need to kill him at all.  I'll just have Akane cook for him.

>Peter: 

Ami: As if Shampoo would really take orders from Peter.

Ranma: She's a waitress.

Ami: Like I said, as if she'd take any order from Peter.

>Shampoo:  

>Peter:  

A-kun: He's probably going to do something incredibly stupid or something that he thinks will put him in the 'right' in this universe.

Ami: A-kun, I've been analyzing this fanfic this entire time and I think I have the answer.  If we all power-up and destroy it, it should go away.

A-kun: Right!  Let's do it!  EGO POWER, ACTIVATE!!

Egomaniacal A-kun: Now-
Egomaniacal Ifurita: -let's-
Egomaniacal Ami: -destroy this-
Egomaniacal Ranma: -fanfic!

Egomaniacal MAT 2K crew: POORLY-DISGUISED-SELF-INSERTION-FANFIC-DESTROYER!!!!

	[*BA-BA-BA-BA-BLOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYY*]

A-kun: [collapsing] Man, that almost drained my entire ego.  But, we did destroy it.

All: BWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!

	[They leave the theater.]
	[Door 1: It's a vault door.  It closes just behind you.]
	[Door 2: It's a horde of demons that's been slaughtered.  You stepped around all the remains.]
	[Door 3: It's the char marks from the ACME bomb from before.]
	[Door 4: It's shower curtain that closes behind you.]
	[Door 5: It's John Agar once more. You annihilate him once again.]
	[Door 6: The stapler's on another rampage.  It runs out of staples and you toss it through the atomosphere.]
	[Stapler]

Ifurita: I have to say....Jang Choe, you accomplished your mission.  We not only hate Peter Con, but we're beginning to feel the same about-

A-kun: Hush Ifurita.  Anyway, Jang, if it was obvious enough, we'll start pointing out the things that we absolutely hated about Peter and thus allowed you to accomplish your mission.

1) Peter's attitude.  Pure genius having him act so stuck up.
2) Peter's abilities.  Also pure genius.  Readers will hate his invincibility and his 'godlike' abilities.
3) The few fights Peter was in that the audience saw.  Peter showed his superiority.
4) Later in the story (the part we destroyed), Peter went to Dragon Ball Z.  Without needing a plot device.
5) Also later in the story (yeah, the part we destroyed), a character from Dragon Ball Z named 'Cell' comes and kills the entire fighting cast of Ranma 1/2 while Peter sits on the side lines watching everyone die.  Even Herb, Akari, Toma and such are tossed in.  Then, Peter annihilates Cell, then resurrects every except Akane using 'Modified Senzu Beans'.  Akane is revived by some weird mumbo-jumbo.
6) The whole bit with bad jokes.....oops, that's the entire fanfic.

Ranma: Good work, especially since A-kun tried to hold a pact about not destroying this fanfic.  Looks like you lost, A-kun.

A-kun: It was worth it.

All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!

[DP4]

Dr. Matheus: Don't laugh for too long because you're going to have to stop blowing up fanfics or pay the repair bills.

[SOA]

A-kun: I'll clean up the mess.

[DP4]

Dr. Matheus: All right.  Danny boy, press the button.

Danny Boy: But Dr. Matheus, Peter Con wants to talk to you about A-kun's destruction of the fanfic.

Dr. Matheus: Oh, he's only three dimensional.  Unlike our two-dimensional brother, we're EIGHTH dimensional.  Peter can only affect things with the same amount of dimensions as him.  Now, press the button.

Danny Boy: Oh, okay.

\|/
---  FWOOOOOOOO-CRUNCH-POP-KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
/|\

Dr. Matheus: Gotta get that fixed.


	Ranma 1/2, Sailor Moon, El Hazard, Dragon Ball Z, Mystery Science Theater 3000, and all other shows/stories and such are property of their respective owners.
	Peter's Journey is property of Bile Studios.
	And yes, I realize this was more criticism than comment, but that's what C&C stands for.  After all, we had only one, what use would it be to call it C&Cing?  It should just be called Cing.
	ZING!

	-Peter:  Here, have a blow pop.-

    Source: geocities.com/tokyo/island/3968/MST