Reply at akun16@hotmail.com
(Turn off the lights and watch as your screen explodes in
3....2....1....just kidding.)
Hey there, everyone. I'd just like to say that in this
series, I'm only C&Cing and making witty comments. I don't,
in any way, mean offense to any of the authors or
original show Mystery Science Theater 3000, who have spent
hours on end working to make this idea possible to form in
my head.
My anime friends are from these worlds: MST 3K (I have
to use Cambot after all!), Sailor Moon, El Hazard, Ranma
1/2.
Please don't sue me!
Enjoy! ^_^;
(This might be a bit difficult to sing...)
There was a senior in high school named A-kun,
He had two brothers who worked at M.H.I,
One day they brought him in to clean up the place,
But they didn't like the job he did so they shot him into
space...
(Hey! You can't do this! I know people! REAL people!)
(Yeah, but they're the ones paying us to do this!
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)
We'll send him cheesy fanfics,
The worst we can find! (lalala)
He'll have to sit and watch them all
and we'll monitor his mind! (lalala)
Now keep in mind A-kun can't control
where the fanfics begin or end. (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
to summon his anime friends!
Anime Roll Call:
Cambot! (Pan left.)
Ami Mizuno! (Hi there!)
Ifurita! (What is the purpose of this?)
Ranmaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...(I'm DIFFERENT!)
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes,
and other science facts, (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show,
I should really just relax!
For Mystery Anime Theater 2000...
[In space, a giant stapler is floating over Earth. This is
the Satelite of Anime. We enter...]
A-kun: Hi everyone! I'm A-kun the Axe Murderer, and with me as always are the Care Bears!
Ifurita: Why are we in these stupid Care Bear outfits?
A-kun: Because, since I can't get back to Earth and back to my studio, we have to act out my fanfics. Now, "DIE CARE BEARS!!!"
ACs [cringing]: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!"
A-kun: "BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
ACs [cringing]: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!"
A-kun: "BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
Ranma: This is stupid!
A-kun: I know, but it's all I can think of for a fanfic. Besides, everyone wants to see those stupid bears die.
Ami: That may be, but why don't you ever just write anything?
A-kun [blinking]: I can do that?
[The Mads light begins flashing.]
Ifurita: Hold it, Two of the Three Stooges are calling.
[A-kun hits the button.]
[Deep Throat 4]
Dr. Matheus: A-kun, since we're both busy, we'll be skipping all formalities.
[SOA]
A-kun: Huh? I know we're kinda busy, but what do you have to do?
[DP4]
Dr. Matheus: I'm getting married! You, are watching a fanfic called 'Full Moon Fiend' by Wesley Reece. Enjoy!
[SOA]
A-kun: WHAT?!
Ranma: Nevermind that, WE'VE GOT MOVIE SIGN!!!
[They hurried to their access ports.]
[Door 6: It's a toaster. You take the toast as it pops up.]
[Door 5: It's a goldfish. Your cat eats it.]
[Door 4: It's a shower curtain. You pull it back to see Rei Hino, Makoto Kino and Akane Tendo making out. You get slapped and sent on your way.]
[Door 3: It's a paper clip. You become 'awed', roll your eyes and continue.]
[Door 2: It's a stapler. You blink and continue.]
[Door 1: It's a vault door that opens for you.]
[Ifurita enter first, followed by Ami, A-kun and Ranma.]
><<<<<>>>>>
A-kun: Next on Smartline: Sailor Moon and the Sailor Scouts.
>Starring in
>Attack of the Full-Moon Fiend, Part 1
All: AAAAH!!! HE'S MOONING US!!!!
Ranma: That FIEND!
>Adrian Makes the Scene
A-kun: Ah, Adrian Paul will make things right.
>A piece of Fan Fiction
Ami: Shouldn't you have the rest of it before putting it on the net?
>Written by Wesley Reece
Ranma: Huh, never knew Wesley Crusher would give up his own name...
>A.k.a. Bowser_DaHound or Bad Boy Bowser
Ranma: QUICK! SICK MARIO AND LUIGI ON HIM!!
>LEGAL STUFF: Okay, the names I will be using have been >"borrowed"
>from the comic book "Sailor Moon" by Naoko Takeuchi. I >will
Ami: Get your ass kicked for "borrowing" anything.
A-kun: Go easy on him. We haven't even seen what he's done.
>be using English names for all the good guys, all the >included
>bad guys, and my original character.
A-kun: Well, gee, if it's YOUR character, I hope you WOULD be using his english name. I'm not sure if I can understand weird kanji.
> This text is the property
>of Dawghouse Internet Productions and Bowser's World >Literature
>Distribution. No copyrights were broken on purpose with >this
>text, which may not be distributed for profit.
A-kun: Ah, when Legalese is written correctly, you can't understand a damn word of it.
>PROLOGUE: by Bad Boy Bowser d::-)
Ifurita: I *HOPE* it's still him! I mean, I was kinda worried!
Ami: Wait, he's also known as Bad Boy Bowser, so who the hell is Bad Boy Bowser?
[They all shrug their shoulders.]
>-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=->=
> Hello, all you happy people, and let me welcome you
>back to my imagination!
A-kun: Eewww, I knew I was standing in something icky!
> This is my fifth Sailor Senshi FanFic.
Ifurita: Okay, this guy has to decide whether or not he's going to be using the 'Senshi' title or the 'Scouts' title.
>The reason for this is that I actually wrote this story as >a
>two-parter, using what are now Parts 2 and 3. After >writing
>them, however, I decided that
Ranma: I was evil and needed to be disintegrated.
> a "prequel" was needed to
>provide
>some background.
Ami: OOOOHH! So the GREAT Wesley Reece needs some background!
A-kun: Hey, I was just as bad when I began.
[Ami grumbles. A-kun is filled with relief that this Ami Mizuno isn't the 'True' Ami or he'd get flamed.]
> Anyhow, my story represents an alternate time
>line for the Sailor Senshi. This story occurs after Rubeus
>and the Twisted Sisters
All: Twisted SISTER!!! YAAAAAAAAY!!!
> appear on the scene, but before Catsy
>actually defects. Furthermore, all of my future Sailor >Senshi
>FanFics beyond this trilogy will occur along this alternate
>time line, which won't actually fork until after Catsy does
>defect. So, now that I have said that, on with the story!
Ranma: I doubt we'll get your other 'fics, so why even tell us?
Ami: He might not know we're C&Cing this.
>-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=->=
>(FADE IN: INT., CROWN GAME CENTER, AFTER HOURS)
Ranma: Hey, this isn't that GRIT Lemon we C&Ced a while back, is it?
A-kun: Nope, different author.
>(We see Luna and Artemis seated at one of the games, >reporting
>to Central Command.)
[The MAT 2K crew snicker.]
A-kun: Apparently he hasn't seen the episode where Artemis accidentally reveals himself to be Central Command.
>Luna: Central Command, this is Luna, checking in. New >password,
>true strength lies in friendship.
Ifurita: No it doesn't. It lies in PORN!!!!
A-kun: Or Love.
Ranma: And in anime and manga, Anger.
Ami: Or in lemons, Sexual Frustration.
>Artemis: This is Artemis, reporting for our new recon >check.
>New password, trust conquers all.
All: WRONG!!
Ami: It's truth, love and justice conquer all. Trust overcomes all problems, but it doesn't conquer all.
>Central: Passwords accepted. What do you have to report?
A-kun [Artemis]: I keep getting the feeling that we're in a crappy fanfic!
Ranma [Central]: You are.
A-kun [Artemis] and Ami [Luna]: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!
Ifurita: Central what?
>Luna: It seems that the Sailor Scouts have forgotten what >makes
>them strong.
A-kun [Central]: They have forgotten their burritos?
[Ami whaps A-kun.]
>Artemis: Yes, it is as if every time you turn around,
A-kun: They're knocking over kids and dogs at fifty paces.
[*POW*. A-kun is on the floor.]
>there's
>another
[A-kun gets back up.]
A-kun [deadpan voice]: dead Chibi-Usa being tossed into the river...
> argument.
>Luna: I agree. Raye and Serena are the worst ones at this.
Ranma: I admit that they probably don't argue for the BEST reasons, but I don't think their reasons are THAT bad...
>Central: Then you must bring the group back together.
>Luna @ Artemis: Okay.
Ifurita [Luna]: Right! Because you, a stupid voice, say so, we can do anything. Come on Artemis, let's go build that cold-fusion engine and the battlemech to use it.
>Central: We have new information for you. Please touch the
>screen to continue. (Luna and Artemis touch the screen.)
Ranma: [AOL voice] You.have.mail!
>A
>new ally will soon appear.
>Luna: What?
Ami [Luna]: I thought we were past that stupid 'New Ally' plot.
>Artemis: You mean another Sailor Scout?
>Central: No, just another ally.
A-kun [Artemis]: Will the ally be useful?
Ranma [Central]: No, just another ally.
A-kun [Artemis]: Ah. Thought so.
>Luna: Do you have a picture so that we can find this new >ally?
>Central: No, he'll find you.
Ranma: OH MY GOD!!! THEIR NEW ALLY IS RYOGA HIBIKI!!!
>Artemis: What do you mean, this will be a male ally?
Ami: [rolling her eyes] Gee, never had one of THOSE.
>Central: Precisely. That is all the information we have >for
>you at this time.
A-kun [Central]: Oh, I'm also lying my ass off. You can find him quite easily, but I just want to piss you off.
Ifurita: Central's doing a good job of that.
>Luna: Very well, then. This is Luna, checking out for now.
>Artemis: This is Artemis, signing off.
Ami: [just mad] Oh, so Luna signing off or on isn't enough? I oughta-
A-kun: Calm down. It's standard procedure for both to sign off.
> (The game screen
Ifurita: Explodes?
> dims
Ami: Well, it IS rather stupid...
>to black.)
>Luna @ Artemis: Time for an emergency meeting. (Fade to >black.)
All: AAAAAAAAAH!!! I'M AFRAID OF THE DARK!!!
>(FADE IN: EXT., THE CHERRY HILL TEMPLE, THE NEXT DAY)
Ami: I have to know, why don't we ever meet elsewhere? Like maybe my house when my mom isn't home or at Makoto's? Rei's temple is open and people wander in and out constantly.
>(We see the five girls who make up the Sailor Scouts
A-kun: Ah, these must be the costume and make-up personnel for your show.
Ami: Huh. I never knew we needed those people for much.
>sitting
>on the steps.)
>Mina: I wonder what all the commotion is about.
All: PARTY!!!
A-kun: TEQUILA!!
Ranma: RUM!!
Ami: *HIC*
Ifurita: HOOOOOOOOooooooo........
>Serena: Yeah, Luna sounded more anxious than usual this >morning.
>(At this point, Luna and Artemis appear.)
All: GAH! Don't DO that!
>Artemis: Hello, everybody.
>Luna: We are going to try to stay calm. Now, you girls >need
>to
Ranma: Scream and panic like scared sheep-*POW*
[Ranma is now on the floor.]
> remember that we can't function as a team with you guys
>fighting all the time. Do you understand?
>Girls: Yes.
A-kun [Raye]: Oh, yes. I'm sorry, Serena. I should never have argued with you!
Ifurita [Serena]: I'm sorry too!
A-kun [Raye]: Now, let's go make out in my ro-*POW*
[A-kun joins Ranma on the floor.]
>Artemis: Good. Now, we have received some new information
>from
[Ranma and A-kun get back into their seats.]
Ifurita [Artemis]: Our bottle. We spun it and it pointed to 'New Information'.
>Central Command. (Turns to Luna.) You tell them.
>Luna: Okay.
Ami: [Luna] Wuss!
> (Faces the girls and clears her throat.)
Ifurita: Of Artemis's tongue.
A-kun: Agent 'Deep-Throat', eh?
> Ahem.
Ami: Didn't she clean out her throat?
Ranma: [clears his throat] Ahem. No, I think it's a legal move.
>We have just been told that a new ally will soon appear.
>Ami: What?
Ami: What? You mean my ears are clogged?
A-kun: I think Luna just hit 'Regurgitate Information' mode on her Casio Keyboard.
>Raye: You mean that there will be a sixth Sailor Scout?
>Luna: No, just another ally.
Ranma [Raye]: Will our new ally be useful?
A-kun [Luna]: No, just another ally.
Ranma [Raye]: Ah. Thought so.
>Lita: I wonder what this new ally is like.
Ifurita: Well, he used to be on the Starship Enterprise D as an Ensign....
>(Fade to black.)
Ifurita: Why can't it ever fade to plaid?
>(TIARA SCENE SHIFT: INT., A HOUSE'S DEN, LATER THAT NIGHT)
All: [Sarcastically] Ooooooh, descriptive.
Ifurita: He doesn't tell us what city, what time, what year or anything!
>(We see a young man sitting at a computer, taking part in a
>3-D chat.
Ifurita: 3-dork chat?
> He is fairly tall, somewhat hefty,
Ranma: So someone's going to say 'Hefty, Hefty, Hefty' and 'Wimpy, Wimpy, Wimpy' then throw him out on his ass, eh?
> and wears glasses.
Ami:...filled with water. Why? No one knows.
>This is Adrian Atkinson.
A-kun: He's a plot device.
> As he looks at the screen, someone
>approaches his virtual persona.
Ami: OH NO! He's VIRTUALLY in danger!
> A voice-over is provided for
>both the person and Adrian.)
>Person: Hello, Adrian. May I have a word with you in >private,
>please?
Ranma: [Person] Word. There, wasn't that interesting?
>Adrian: Certainly. (The two enter a private chat room.)
Ifurita: Where the person promptly beats the virtual crap out of virtual Adrian for being so gullible, steals his credit card numbers, maxes them out on useless crap and leaves him face-down in a virtual pool of his own virtual puke.
>Person: Adrian, I have been searching long and hard for >you.
A-kun [Adrian]: Man, are you sick or what?
>Adrian: Why me?
Ami [Person]: You're gullible and will believe every word I tell you.
>Person: Because you have been chosen to partake in a very
>important mission. Now, you should've received a package >today.
>Adrian: I did.
A-kun [Adrian]: But I thought it was from Columbia House, so I threw it away.
>Person: Have you opened it yet?
>Adrian: No.
>Person: Well, open it now.
Ranma [Person]: Twit.
> (Adrian does so. He discovers a
>staff, two pieces of paper, a capsule, and a small chest.)
Ami: I think the person thinks Adrian is a girl...
Ifurita: Ah, the part about the staff and capsule. Pretty kinky, ne?
A-kun: Adrian is a GUY.
Ami and Ifurita: Bleah....
>You have always thought you were different from everybody >else,
>haven't you?
Ifurita [Adrian]: Hell no, I feel quite normal.
>Adrian: Yes.
Ifurita: [Person] Well, these things will make you stupid and normal.
>Person: Well, I am here to confirm that. You are not truly
>of this world. You once were a part of a great >civilization
>called
A-kun [Person]: Friday Night at the Sizzler. Whoops! Wrong sheet. You were once the classic twit from a universe called Home Improvement. Your name was Tim Taylor and...
> the Moon Kingdom. You were known to some as the Full-Moon
>Fiend, a general
Ifurita [Person]: Twerp that got kicked around a lot. Every fight you got in, you got whipped. You couldn't stand up to a single punch.
Ranma [Adrian]: Okay, I get the picture.
Ifurita [Person]: No, no. I mean you were a real pansy. Hikaru Gosunkugi could kick your sorry ass. Easily! I mean, I am disgusted even trading words with you, you were such a weakling.
> evil type. But to others, you were known as
>the Midnight Rider, sworn defender of
A-kun [Person]: Ketchup, Mustard and other condiments.
> all that is just and good.
Ifurita: Just? Just what?
>Adrian: Okay, but why do I discover all this now, when it >has
>been so long?
>Person: Because evil forces have shown up here on Earth,
>and
>you are one of a chosen few who will fight them.
>Adrian: What do you mean, "A chosen few"?
Ifurita [Person]: Well, no other person is stupid enough to take this evil on. I mean, come on, a pansy like you won't last for more than one paragraph's worth of combat. Did I mention that you were a pansy? I mean, a little six year old with a stick could whip the crap out of you. I think if someone threw a staple at you, you fall over, you wimp.
Ranma [Adrian]: I SAID I GOT THE PICTURE!
>Person: Take a look at this image. (An image of the girls >and
>Darien is shown on the computer screen.) These are the
Ifurita [Person]: People who you'll never meet, 'cause you're a pansy. A weakling. Mister Burns from the Simpsons could beat the crap out of you. You couldn't even stand up to a-
A-kun: That's enough, Ifurita.
>others
>who will help you. While they may not look like much here,
>do not sell them short. They have already saved the Earth >on
>two occasions in the past.
Ami: HEY! No one is supposed to know about the first time except the senshi and Mamoru! Or in this case, the scouts and Darien.
>Adrian: Very well, but what else do I need to know?
>Person: This computer is your link back to me. Not only >that,
>but the capsule in the package will make you immune to the >evil
>magic of the NegaMoon.
Ranma:[sarcastically] Ain't that CONVENIENT?
> That will be very important. Everything
>else will be revealed on the two sheets of paper.
A-kun: So, what we know so far. Adrian will apparently become a super powered guy that will work for evil and good. If he works it right, he'll be found out as a traitor and killed within five paragraphs.
All: YAAAAAAAYY!!!
>(ORB SCENE SHIFT: INT., NEGAVERSE SKYBASE OVER TOKYO)
Ami: The Negaverse is gone. Not to mention they didn't have skybases. You're thinking of the NegaMOON SPACESHIP.
>(We see Rubeus and the four Sisters facing the center of >the
>room. Soon after the scene starts, the Wise Man appears.)
A-kun [Rubeus, outloud]: That Wise Man thinks he's so smart and wise just because he has the name 'Wise Man'. What a dink. I hate his guts. When he's not looking, I'm going to shove a flaming stick where the sun don't shine and kick him in the 'nads 'til...OOPS!!!
[Rubeus is vaporized.]
Ranma: There. The End.
All: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!
>Rubeus: You have some news for us, Wise Man?
A-kun [Wise Man]: No, you're a twit. I don't want to talk to you. I just came here to look at the [Happosai] PRETTY LADIES!!!
>Wise Man: I most certainly do.
Ifurita: NOT!
> There
Ranma: is no Surge in Heaven.
A-kun: is a vacancy at my Hotel.
Ifurita: is a party down the block I want to attend. CAN I, DADDY?! PLEASE?!?!?!
Ami: is a crappy plot device named 'Adrian Atkinson'. I want you to kill him immediately. And get me a Slurpy at the local 7-11.
> has been an energy
>fluctuation recently near where you are stationed.
Ami: Geeeee, the Sailor Scouts and Chibi-Usa are in Tokyo. I wonder who it could be? Hmm.......
> This is
>extremely potent energy that we can use for
A-kun: Cleaning my toilet. It's been backed up since April 5, 1802.
>our cause.
>Rubeus: So, is this a person or an item?
Ami [Wise Man]: Neither. Nor is it a vegetable, mineral or animal. It is an anime!
Ranma: Ah, glorious anime...
>Wise Man: It is a person, and this is what he looks like. >(Shows
>a picture of
A-kun: Chewbacca.
Ami: Darth Vader.
Ranma: Kodachi, naked.
[The MAT 2K team vomit.]
Ifurita: The Eye of God. [Rubeus] DAMMIT, STOP STARING!! [Catsy] Hey, Wise Man, it seems to follow you where ever you go....
A-kun [Prisma]: I know! I'll moon it to get it's attention!
>Adrian.) You will find him in the park every day
>at sunrise.
Ranma [Wise Man]: Because that's where the six year-olds like to beat him up. The pansy.
> Make sure that you get to him before the Sailor
>Scouts do. (Disappears.)
A-kun [Rubeus]: Dammit, why can't he just phase out? It costs less!
>Rubeus: Yes, sir!
Ifurita: He's gone, twit!
> Now, which one of you Sisters should I send
>after him tomorrow?
>Prisma: I'll retrieve him for you, Rubeus.
Ranma: [Rubeus] Hmmm, your tush doesn't shake as much as Catsy's.....but you are better dressed-*ZAAAAAAAP*
>Rubeus: Very well, then. I want you to spend the rest of
>the
Ifurita [Rubeus]: cash. We need to be out of money by the end of this mission or else I can't continue to ask for financial aid from my college and then we won't be able to continue this invasion.
Ranma: Wait, they've been using financial aid from Rubeus's college to fund the invasion?
A-kun: Of course, otherwise don't you think they'd have thousands of heavy mecha demolishing the town instead of those stupid 'droids?
Ami: Damn. We didn't have to fight them at all. We just had to wait them out and they'd run out of finances for the invasion.
>day preparing for this mission. Considering how important
Ifurita [Rubeus]: my face is, I need another facial.
A-kun [Rubeus]: your help is, don't get turned into wussy do-gooders in this story, okay?
>it
>is, we definitely should
Ranma: Buy Chinese for lunch.
A-kun: Rent 'Akira' so we can play the Drinking game.
> not go into it unprepared.
>Prisma: You got it. (Fades out of view.)
Ami [Rubeus]: Damn 'Wise' Man. Even Prisma's ass-kissing 'droids are smarter than him...
>(TIARA SCENE SHIFT: A BENCH IN THE PARK, AROUND SUNSET)
Ami: WOW! That must be a LONG bench.
Ranma: Look, the sun's blinking 12:00...12:00...12:00...
A-kun: Soon, a giant hand will reach up and reset the sun.
>(We see Ami and Lita sitting on a bench, talking.)
All: *GASP*!
Ifurita: So informative!
Ranma: So lame!
A-kun: So unimaginative!
Ami: So much like Wesley Crusher. This author _HAS_ to be him.
>Ami: It sure is a beautiful sunset today, isn't it?
Ami [Lita]: No, it's revolting.
>Lita: It sure is. (As she says this, Adrian jogs to a stop
>in front of their bench.)
>Adrian: Hello, ladies.
Ami and Ifurita [Ami and Lita]: Get lost, pansy!!
>Ami: Why, hello, sir.
Ami: Oh, like I'm so sure I'd talk to THAT wuss....
>Lita: I haven't seen you here before. Are you new here?
A-kun: No, I'm your old boyfriend. Don't you recognize me?!
>Adrian: You bet. I'm Adrian. Pleased to meet you.
All: EEWWWWwwwww....IT'S THAT _PLOT_ DEVICE!! EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWwwwww..........
>Lita: My name is Lita.
>Ami: I am Ami.
A-kun [Lita]: I like fish.
Ranma [Ami]: I like fish.
A-kun [Lita]: I like fish.
Ranma [Ami]: I like fi-*POW*
[Ranma returns to the floor.]
A-kun: Hehe, should've played it safe, Ranma...*POW*
[A-kun joins Ranma on the floor once more.]
>Adrian: Good. Now, I need to find a bridge that is not >often
>used.
Ifurita [Adrian]: I'm going to get out of this fanfic by dying.
Ami [Ami]: Well, good luck!
>Ami: Just follow this path that way, and take the first >right.
>(Points to her left.)
Ami [Ami]: If you hurry over there, a giant beam of death will get you out in seconds.
Ifurita [Adrian]: Gee, thanks!
[A-kun and Ranma return to their seats.]
> Why do you want to know?
>Adrian: I like to practice my martial arts by moonlight on >a
>bridge.
Ami and Ifurita: Yeah, right!
[The MAT 2K burst into laughter.]
> (Starts to leave.) I gotta go now. Bye.
>Lita: Bye, Adrian. (Adrian leaves. After he does, Ami's >wrist
>communicator beeps.
Ranma [AOL voice]: You.have.mail!
> She answers it.)
Ifurita [Ami]: I told you, don't call me when I'm on set! Yeah...yeah...see you later, Haruka-chan-*SMACK*
[Ifurita rubs the back of her head.]
>Ami: This is Ami.
Ami: Ami, this is Ami. You're in a bad fanfic. Repeat, you're in a _BAD_ fanfic. Destroy any plot devices you meet. Especially ones named Adrian Atkinson. Repeat, destroy any plot devices you meet. Destroy plot devices!
> (The screen splits to show Ami and Mina.)
All: YEAH!!!
Ifurita: Let's go....
>Mina: Ami, I just finished talking with Greg.
Ifurita [Ami]: Are you SURE you were JUST talking?
A-kun [Mina]: Weeeellll, let's just say you'll thank me when and if you two ever get to sleep with each other.
> He's had a vision
>which says that the NegaMoon
Ranma [Mina]: Is buying a slurpy at the local 7-11.
A-kun [Ami]: Those BASTARDS!
> will strike tomorrow at sunup.
>Ami: Who will be the target?
Ifurita [Mina]: The world trade center....whoops! Sorry. He said it was going to be someone named Ted Kennedy... but he also said they'd need the entire Negamoon fleet to defeat Ted.
Ami [Ami]: Then we HAVE to help them!
>Mina: Somebody named Adrian. (Suddenly, Lita pulls open a >window
>for herself.)
All:....the hell?
>Lita: Well, you better come to the park, then, because we >just
A-kun [Lita]: Got finished doing it-*POW*
[A-kun is once again returned to the floor.]
>spoke with somebody named Adrian. He may or may not be the
>one you're talking about.
Ami [Mina]: Actually, Greg said Adrian was as evil as Barney.
Ifurita [Lita]: THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!
Ami [Mina]: Well, Greg is snookered up the butt, so that might have something to do with it....
[A-kun gets back into his seat.]
>Mina: I'll be right there. (The screen returns to normal.)
All: Ahhh.....
>(TIARA SCENE SHIFT: THE BRIDGE, THIRTY MINUTES LATER.)
Ranma [The Tick]: Aaahhh, the Bridge. Like the rest of the Bridges in the City, it is there. Man, is it there or what?
>(Ami, Lita, and Mina are watching Adrian work out.)
Ami[Ami]: Man, does he look hideous or what?
Ifurita [Lita]: I think even Usagi's brother Shingo could whip the crap out of that wimp.
Ranma [Mina]: I know. Shingo _IS_ whipping the crap out of Adrian.
A-kun [Adrian, beaten up]: *GASP, WHEEZE* Next time....go easier on *GULP* me, o*GASP*kay?
Ranma [Shingo, without even a sweat]: Whatever. Look, next time, try just standing there.
[Adrian collapses and dies. Or, like in most americanized anime, he fades into another dimension.]
>Mina: That's our guy, just as Greg described him.
Ranma [Mina]: Except Greg didn't say how disgusting it is just to look at him. Why, just look at that slow punch.
Ami [Ami]: Actually, that's a jab.
Ifurita [Lita]: Then why is he clutching his chest and gasping desperately for breath? We arrived here ten seconds ago (incidentally when he started working out) and already he's...[looks at Adrian]...on the ground in spasms.
Ranma [Mina]: You see what I mean? He's so....wussy. I've sworn to protect those who can't protect themselves, but I _AIN'T_ defending _HIM_!
>Ami: What should we do?
Ifurita [Lita]: Well, since he's already dead, I guess we can go make out in Mina's refridgerator again-*SMACK*
[Ifurita rubs the back of her head.]
Ifurita: A-kun and Ranma made me!
[*POW**KABAM* A-kun and Ranma are once again implanted to the floor.]
>Lita: Why don't Mina and I come back here at sunup tomorrow
>to make sure he doesn't have any trouble?
[A-kun and Ranma get back into their seats.]
Ranma [Mina]: He's dead. What trouble can he still have?
Ifurita [Lita]: Tax claims.
Ranma [Mina]: Ah.
>Mina: I'm good for that.
>Ami: I'll tell the others. (Fade to black.)
Ami: Ifurita's right. Why can't it fade to green or something like that?
>(FADE IN: THE BRIDGE, SUNUP THE NEXT MORNING)
Ranma [Mina]: Is he still dead?
Ifurita [Lita]: Yep. And since Sailor Moon ain't going to revive his sorry, wussy butt, so is the story.
>(We see Sailors Venus and Jupiter hiding behind some >bushes.
Ranma [Venus]: Why are we hiding?
Ifurita [Jupiter]: Plot device.
Ranma [Venus]: Right. Now, let's make out like crazed monkeys-*POW*
[Ranma returns to the floor, something he's grown used to.]
>Soon, Adrian appears and approaches the bridge. As he >does,
[Ranma gets back into his seat.]
A-kun [Gunman on the grassy knoll]: Ah, mista Atkinson. You believe you can lun? HA! Now, preepare to die....[Gun shots are heard. Adrian is dead.]
All: YAAAY!!!
Ifurita: Let's go....
>he takes what appears to be a capsule out of his pocket and
>swallows it.)
A-kun [Gunman on the grassy knoll]: Damn! Missed. At least I managed to switch the capsules with poison!
>Jupiter: There he is.
Ifurita [Jupiter]: What a pansy.
>Venus: That's him, all right. (By this time, Adrian has >reached
>the bridge and started practicing.)
A-kun: What he's practicing, no one wants to know. Bleah!
Ami: Look, he's already done! Only three seconds, too...
>Adrian: What a day this is turning out to be. The weather >is
>absolutely perfect!
A-kun [Adrian]: I'm not dead because of a certain gunman on the grassy knoll-*BLAM*-I stand corrected [Adrian dies.]
All: YAY!!!
A-kun: Snap-
Ranma: -Crackle-
> (Suddenly, Prisma pops into view.)
A-kun and Ranma: Rice Krispies!
Ami: That was lame, you guys.
A-kun: I'm wondering if anyone outside of America got the joke...
>Prisma: Come with me, Adrian, if you know what's good for
>you.
A-kun [Prisma]: We're going to kill....your TAMAGOTCHI!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Ranma [Adrian, taking out his Tamagotchi]: Get her, Fluffy! Oops! Baby wants to take a poop!
>Adrian: I'm sorry. Do I know you?
A-kun: No, now go away.
>Venus: That's our cue. Ready, Jupiter?
Ifurita [Jupiter]: Yeah, but are you sure we're supposed to throw feces at the villians?
Ranma [Venus]: Of course. This is how I used to destroy creatures. Why wouldn't it work now?
>Jupiter: Let's do it, Venus! (They spring out of the >bushes.)
A-kun [Beavis voice]: Booiiiyoiyoiyoiyoiyoiyoing....
>Prisma: Sailor Scouts, this is none of your business!
Ami: Yes, it is. What? You think we just do laundry?
A-kun: Or each other? *POW*
[A-kun finds himself on the floor.]
>Venus: Well, we'll just have to make it our business, won't
>we, Jupiter?
Ifurita [Jupiter]: Yeah, whatever. I'm going to go do Ami, she's not as touchy-*SMACK*
[A-kun returns to his seat as Ifurita rubs the back of her head.]
>Jupiter: You bet, Venus. Anything involving the NegaMoon >is
Ranma [Jupiter]: Completely out of our league-*POW*
[Ranma becomes one with the floor. Again.]
>our business.
>Adrian: Wow! This is great!
Ranma [Adrian]: Yeah, a permanent death sentence is *COOL*!!
> It's only my first week here,
>and already I've got three lovely ladies fighting over me.
A-kun: Loser. They're not fighting to see who *GETS* you, they're fighting over who gets to *KILL* you...
>(Sweat drops form on the girls' heads.)
A-kun, Ifurita and Ranma [as Prisma, Jupiter and Venus, respectively]: What a LOSER!
>Jupiter: Mister, you better go hide. This could get ugly.
Ranma [Jupiter]: Um....well, uglier than you.
Ami: That's mean, Ranma.
Ranma: Hey, we don't know WHAT Adrian's face looks like, so I can assume anything.
>Adrian: All right. I'm outta here. (Hides behind some >bushes.)
A-kun [Adrian]: That evil girl didn't watch me all the way, did she? If she didn't I'm SAFE! Otherwise, I'm a LOSER!
All: LOSER!
>Venus: Okay, you!
>Jupiter: Let's rumble! (Suddenly, Avery appears.)
Ami: A very what appeared? [The MAT 2K crew snickers, despite the stale joke.]
>Prisma: Avery, what are you doing here?
Ifurita [Avery as a Valley Girl]: Like, I'm a pointless plot device, okay? I think I might be cool, okay? So like, that weird floating guy wanking off in his robes sent me here, okay?
>Avery: Thought I'd help even the odds. (Telepathically.)
Ami: No, no. That should be Telepathetically. And besides, the four sisters didn't HAVE telepathy.
>Where
>is
A-kun [Avery]: the fruit punch?
Ranma [Avery]: the buffet?
Ami [Avery]: the deep-fryer?
Ifurita [Avery]: my tube socks?
A-kun [Avery]: my cool Ninja Turtle toilet paper with the real sewer smell?
Ranma [Avery]: the obvious?
Ami [Avery]: my clue?
Ifurita [Avery]: the batteries for the vibrat-*SMACK*
Ami [Prisma]: Don't TALK about that in front of the scouts! They'll know Rubeus isn't any good in bed and spread really nasty rumors about him......oops...
> he?
>Prisma: (Telepathically.) In those bushes behind the >Scouts.
A-kun: A--....forget it.
>You get him while I distract the girls. You ready?
Ranma [Avery]: Okay, but keep your pants on this time.
A-kun [Prisma, whining]: BUT THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW!!
>Avery: You bet! Let's go! (Prisma attacks as Avery >vanishes.
>As the fight goes on, a rustle is heard in the bushes.
Ranma and Ifurita [Venus and Jupiter, respectively]: Oh man, the SMELL!
>Soon
>after that, Avery appears with a tied-up Adrian.)
A-kun [Avery]: oh, the SMELL!
Ranma [Adrian]: HEY! That's expensive Hi-karate, I'll have you know! $2.99 for a three gallon bottle at the Bulkinator Bulk Sale Warehouse. The Bulkiest Place you can go!
>Adrian: Let me go!
A-kun [Avery]: Okay, but I can't let you live.
[Adrian explodes.]
All: YAAAAAAY!!!
>Jupiter: Uh oh!
>Venus: Give him back!
Ranma [Venus]:.....on second thought, keep him!
>Avery: Sorry, but finders, keepers. (She and Adrian >vanish.)
>Prisma: As much as I'd like to finish this, it appears I'm
>already
Ami: Stupid?
Ranma: No, we knew that.
> late. C'ya! (She vanishes.)
>Venus: We better tell the others. (Activates her >communicator.)
Ranma [Venus]: Hey guys, the evil guys just caught that greasy guy we met in the park yesterday.
A-kun, Ifurita, Ranma, and Ami [All the scouts]: YAAAAAAY!!
>(ORB SCENE SHIFT: INT., NEGAVERSE SKYBASE OVER TOKYO)
>
<(As the scene starts, Avery and Prisma appear with Adrian.
>Absent from the scene are Birdie and Catsy.)
A-kun [Avery]: Ah, you let them turn on Ellen, didn't you?
Ami [Rubeus]: But they said it was 'Must-See TV'.
A-kun [Avery]: That's on NBC, you dolt!
>Rubeus: Well done, Sisters.
A-kun: Since when did Rubeus begin calling Avery and Prisma 'Sisters'? I mean, I know they ARE 'Sisters', but he's never CALLED them 'Sisters' to their faces...
>Avery: No sweat, boss.
Ami [Avery]: Now, about our bonuses for even touching this greasy wuss...
Ranma [Rubeus]: Uh.....it's in the mail....
Ifurita [Prisma]: But we're right here...
>Prisma: Piece of cake.
A-kun [Prisma]:...and some pie....and OH! That great cheese-cake...a Butterfinger....a box of Snickers...and a keg of Coca-Cola.
>Rubeus: Now on to business. Wise Man! (The Wise Man >appears
A-kun: to be dead. [blowing a kiss to the audience] Good night everybody!
>with the NegaMoon Strobe.)
All: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwww.......
Ifurita: Wait, it's a NegaMoon STROBE.
All: Ah....
A-kun: Strobe and Strobe Light. PBR me ASAP...
Ranma: That's Pabst Blue Ribbon, A-kun.
A-kun: Who gives a rat's a-[notices us] HEY HEY EVERYONE!
> We are ready.
A-kun: What they're going to do with that Strobe, I don't want to know....
>Wise Man: Good. (Touches Adrian's head with the Strobe,
Ifurita [wincing]: Man, looks like they're going to do the anal strobe the HARD way.
Ranma: Actually, considering the importance he's given his own character, I'd say they're right on target. Hey A-kun, HINT HINT!
A-kun: Bite me. I'll give you your sex scenes right after I get mine.
>causing
>a green
Ami: STOP THAT SENTENCE!
> Crystal to appear.) As long as you bear this Crystal,
A-kun: [Wise Man] You can get a free kiddy cone at Dairy Queen...
Ifurita: [Wise Man] You can get free samplers at Baskin Robbins...
Ami: [Wise Man] You can get free condoms from your local High School.
Ranma: [Wise Man] You can get all the free demos you could ever want on the 'Blow Yourself' machines. I'd suggest Unit 3532-A135
>you will work for us.
>Adrian: (blankly) Yes, sir.
Ifurita [Author of this fanfic]: Ah, now that's over, I'll just go get wasted and high and wait for the flames to come rolling in so I can give some REALLY creative replies.
Ranma [Author of this fanfic]: THERE! In that one line, all my creative genius is shown. Now, to put crap in for the rest of the fanfic....
A-kun: I wouldn't be able to tell the difference, I'm telling ya...
>Rubeus: Excellent. Now, go down to Tokyo
All: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwww........ We DON'T want to see Adrian naked, okay?
Ami: MAN, are they sick or what?....oh, go down TO Tokyo...
All: Ahh.....
> and befriend the Sailor
>Scouts. That way, they won't suspect you.
A-kun: You know, I think Wesley actually managed to capture the level of thinking that most of the Sailor Moon bad guys had.
ACs: Yeah, you're right.
> We will summon
Ifurita: [Rubeus] A taco!
A-kun: [Rubeus] A monkey!
Ranma: [Rubeus] An author named Wesley Crusher, rename him and force him to write the tales of our genius!
Ami: [Rubeus] A quarter for the pay toilet! Damn, I've had to go since we got on this damn vessel in the first place!
Ranma [Avery]: The pay toilet only takes dimes.
Ami [Rubeus]: DAMN! That means we'll spend weeks trying to think up a new plan for getting in there! OOOoooooh, damn I gotta go bad!
A-kun [Wise Man]: Why not just go in your pants? That's what I always do.
Ifurita [Prisma]: THAT'S where that smell's been coming from!!!
>you
>when we need you.
Ifurita: [Prisma]: Wait, boss! Isn't this above our alloted intelligence level?
Ranma [Rubeus]: Damn! That's right! Hey, Wise Man, do you think you could spare us a brain cell?
A-kun [Wise Man]: ABSOLUTELY NOT! That's all we ever had!
Ami [Avery]: Uh, guys? Adrian is peeing on it as we speak.
A-kun, Ranma and Ifurita [as Wise Man, Rubeus and Prisma respectively]: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
>Adrian: You got it. (He vanishes.)
A-kun: Wait a minute! They didn't even BOTHER to tell him about his powers and he just learned them in an eyeblink? They aren't questioning this?
Ami: They're evil. And Evil damages the reality lobe of the brain.
Ifurita: Oy, that's why my head hurt until Makoto saved me.
>(TIARA SCENE SHIFT: INT., A HOUSE'S DEN, LATER THAT DAY)
All: WAIT! WHERE ARE WE??!?!?!?!
Ranma: Man, now I know how Ryoga feels!
A-kun: I'm getting the feeling that this author is writing this the same way he wrote Adrian. Vague, dull and showing as little as possible.
>(We see Adrian and his informant in another 3-D chat.)
Ifurita: Ah, back to the 3-dork chat.
>Adrian: Phase 1 is now completed.
A-kun: [Person] Your password is no longer "The Knights who say 'Nee!'". It is now "The Knights who say 'Ecky-ecky-ecky-zing-pow-wong-tow-fong-zou!'". Memorize it quickly and then blow up your computer just to make sure the information is not accessible by anyone else.
Ranma [Adrian]: Righty-o! *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*
A-kun: [Person] Damn, I forgot to tell him the other stuff. Oh well. By the time we get to the next conversation, I'll be assassinating him anyway.
>Person: Very good. You are to follow the plan to the >letter.
Ami: The letter for the day 'Upyours!" Remember it!
> Otherwise, we will not be able to advise you.
Ifurita: Uh....how stupid is Adrian?
Ranma: Apparently very if he's trusting someone he doesn't even know or ever seen in person.
>Adrian: You bet! (Fade to black.)
[The MAT 2K crew hears a farting noise.]
A-kun [Adrian]: Wasn't me!
><<<<>>>>
>CLOSING NOTES: I shall make the conclusion short and sweet >on
>this one. I still have no E-mail account to speak of.
A-kun: But you're missing out on some REALLY great flames, Willy!
> Not
>only that, but I will be working on a Sailor Moon Saga
All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! YOU MEAN THERE'S MORE?!?!?!
>which
>will see them meeting characters they never thought they'd >meet
>face-to-face, including your's truly.
All: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
> So until then, sayonara.
A-kun: Well, the 'fic is over. Let's go.
[Door 1: It's a vault door that closes behind you.]
[Door 2: It's a stapler. You blink and continue.]
[Door 3: It's a paper clip. You become 'awed', roll your eyes and continue.]
[Door 4: It's a shower curtain. You pull it back to see Rei Hino, Makoto Kino and Akane Tendo making out. You get slapped and sent on your way.]
[Door 5: It was a goldfish. Your cat ate it.]
[Door 6: It's a toaster. You take the toast as it pops up.]
[A-kun, Ami, Ranma and Ifurita are standing in front of Cambot. They are currently drinking.]
A-kun: *HIC* Su, hu's got any*HIC*thing goo to say abut this 'ffffffic. Ya get to go to sweep.
Ifurita: It dodn't soock like a Power Wrunger 'fic. [Collapses]
Ami: It includ'd ha-technowogy. [Collapses]
Ranma: It sucked. [Collapses]
A-kun: Spelling weren't too bad and grammar weren't horrendus. [Collapses]
[DP4]
Dr. Matheus: DAMN! How can I drive him insane if he keeps getting raging drunk and collapsing?!
Danny Boy: But Dr. Matheus, this is the first 'fic they've gotten drunk after. Maybe they're numbing the pain.
Dr. Matheus: If that's so, then they're going to love the sequel! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Push the button, Danny Boy!
Danny Boy: Okay, Dr. Matheus.
\|/
--- FWOOOOO-GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-PING!
/|\
Dododoooododoooooodododoooooooooo....oh nevermind. Like I'd be able to type out the instrumental at the end of the show.
All characters are property of their respective owners and I go sleepy bye. alkghafkldh gaighooihre.... sorry, fell asleep. Bye now!
A-kun, signing off!
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