Reply at akun16@hotmail.com 
(Turn off the lights and watch as your screen explodes in
3....2....1....just kidding.)

	Hey there, everyone.  I'd just like to say that in this
series, I'm only C&Cing and making witty comments.  I don't, in any way, mean offense to any of the authors or
original show Mystery Science Theater 3000, who have spent
hours on end working to make this idea possible to form in
my head.
	My anime friends are from these worlds: MST 3K (I have
to use Cambot after all!), Sailor Moon, El Hazard, Ranma
1/2.
	Please don't sue me!
	Enjoy! ^_^;

(This might be a bit difficult to sing...)

There was a senior in high school named A-kun,
He had two brothers who worked at M.H.I,
One day they brought him in to clean up the place,
But they didn't like the job he did so they shot him into
space...

(Hey!  You can't do this!  I know people!  REAL people!)
(Yeah, but they're the ones paying us to do this!
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

We'll send him cheesy fanfics,
The worst we can find! (lalala)
He'll have to sit and watch them all
and we'll monitor his mind! (lalala)

Now keep in mind A-kun can't control
where the fanfics begin or end. (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
to summon his anime friends!

Anime Roll Call:
Cambot! (Pan left.)
Ami Mizuno! (Hi there!)
Ifurita! (What is the purpose of this?)
Ranmaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...(I'm DIFFERENT!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes,
and other science facts, (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show,
I should really just relax!
For Mystery Anime Theater 2000...

[In space, a giant stapler is floating over Earth.  This is
the Satelite of Anime.  We enter...]
	[There's a brown haired young man who looks like he
really shouldn't be in high school.  He turns to Cambot and
us.]

A-kun: Hey there.  I'm A-kun and welcome to the Satelite of Anime.  I've done some checking and confirmed that my anime friends are NOT the 'canon'.  But, I couldn't give a rat's....uh, nevermind.  Recently, we decided to play poker.

	[Ifurita, Ami and Ranma walk onto the bridge all wearing barrels over their torsos.]

A-kun: Good thing I'm good at poker.  I won the shirts, pants and other accessories off their backs.  HAHAHAHA-ACK!

	[Ifurita blasts A-kun, followed by a ki bolt from Ranma and a stapler thrown by Ami.]

A-kun:   Good thing I'm damage-resistant.  Anyway, we'll be right back.

	[A-kun presses the white button.]

(Commercial: Tired of your old condiments?  Just throw in some jalepenos and scream and cuss until you want your old damn condiments back!)

	[The ACs are fully clothed again.  A-kun seems a bit disappointed, but as the red light begins flashing, he promptly puts on a fake smile.]

A-kun: Oh goody, Twiddle-dumb and Twiddle-dumber are calling.

	[A-kun presses the button.]

[Deep Throat 4]

Dr. Matheus: Who the hell named this place?  Oh, hello *LOSERS*!  Hahahaha!  Anyway, are you ready for this week's invention exchange?  A-kun, I'll let you go first.

[SOA]

A-kun: Thanks, Dr. Matheus.  Ifurita, if you would...

	[Ifurita wheels out a car engine.  A-kun leaves.]

Ranma: Many people often believe a simple replacement of oil, gasoline and anti-freeze/coolant is all an engine needs.  Well, many of those people find that timing belts, pistons and such all need maintenance as well.  

Ifurita: Unfortunately, these people also haven't taken a course in car maintanence, so they don't know if a car repairman is ripping them off by making up parts.  Like a carping rod or a rain demagnetizer.  Such things *COULD* exist, but they don't in a car.

	[A-kun walks into the room wearing a standard grease covered repairman costume.  Ami walks in wearing a business suit.]

A-kun [with a gruff voice]: Uh, yeah.  Your car needs a new dousing rod and a chest-grinkenstein.

Ranma: This poor lady would be ripped off if she didn't know about car maintanence.  So, our invention of the week is a device that tells you if a mechanic is making up a car-part to raise the price.

	[Ami pulls out something similar to a tricorder.  It begins beeping and red lights flash.]

TRICORDER-DEVICE: Warning! Warning, Ami-chan, your Visa bill is in danger!  Warning!  Warning!

Ami [to A-kun]: You're lying!

Ifurita: It also tells you if the mechanic is charging an outrageous prices for a part that you could get for $1.95 at a local Coast to Coast or wherever you shop for car parts.

A-kun: What do you think, sirs?

[DP4]

Dr. Matheus: Interesting.  Danny Boy, bring our invention in.

TV's Danny Boy: Yes, Dr. Matheus.

	[Danny walks in with what looks like a walkman.  He hands it to Dr. Matheus.]

Dr. Matheus: Ah, thank you, Danny.  Our invention is a variation on a standard walkman.  Except, nowadays, I find that a lot of unworthy songs by artists that I don't like are being played beyond my tolerance.  So, my invention is a device that will edit out songs you don't like and replace them with songs you DO like.

[SOA]

Ranma: Wow, that sounds like something I'd buy.

A-kun: I don't know, what's the catch, Matheus?

[DP4]

Dr. Matheus: Catch?  What catch?  Can't I do anything to help my fellow mankind?

[SOA]

All: No.

[DP4]

Dr. Matheus [a little huffy]: Well, I agree that it is against my grain, so I added a little extra subliminal message to help them BOW DOWN TO MY FEET!  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

[SOA]

Ifurita: You evil, evil man!

[DP4]

Dr. Matheus: Anyway, *LOSERS*, your fanfic for today is entitled "Here's Uma, the Interview".  It's by Stanley R. Teriaca.  Enjoy, my little PESTS!  Oh, and I've put in a new addition for this story.  You'll find out what it is later.

[SOA]

All: OH NO!  WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!!

	[A-kun and the ACs race for their access ports.  Cambot advances through the now opened dogbone-door.]

	[Door 6: It's made of swizzle-sticks.  You easily break them.]
	[Door 5: It's a door of air.  You wonder where the door is.]
	[Door 4: It's not a door, it's John Agar trying to explain something.  You pull out a phaser and vaporize him.]
	[Door 3: It's a shower curtain.  You rip it aside to reveal Ifurita showering.  She screams and slaps you.  You smile.  It was definitely worth it.]
	[Door 2: It's not a door, rather a 'Yield' sign.  You run past it, laughing.]
	[Door 1: It's a vault door and it opens for you.]

	[Ifurita enters first, then Ami, then A-kun, then Ranma.  They sit in the same order.]

>From: "Stanley R. Teriaca" 

Ami: Oh, I love Omnifest!

Ranma: No, that's Omni.  Omnifest doesn't exist.

>___________________________________________________________>_______

A-kun: Look out!  It's some sort of laser security.

>     Here's Uma: The Interview (promo).

Ranma and A-kun: WOO-HOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Ifurita: That's PROMO!

Ranma and A-kun: Oh.  DAMN!

>     by Stanley "Quartzite" Teriaca.

Ami: In the name of Mercury, I shall defeat you Quartzite!

>     All characters involved are either copyrighted Rumiko
>Takahashi,

Ranma: WOOOOO!  GO, GO, GO, GO!!  BRING BACK RANMA 1/2!!  PARTY!!!

>or are created by myself. No profit has been made, so do >not
>sue me.

Ranma: Trust us, no profit won't keep us from suing you.  Take comfort in this knowledge.

>Comments?

Ifurita: Yes, it stinks!

> E-Mail to (teriaca@omnifest.uwm.edu) or through
>the Fanfic
>Mailing List (fanfic@fanfic.com)

A-kun: Wow.  inventive.

>----------------------------------------------------------->--------------------

A-kun: Look out for the barbed wire! Damn, this fic has a lot of security!

>(We enter a room where a nice looking

A-kun: Dusty statue is.  The End.

Ifurita: Well, guess we can leave.

> older man is seated.

A-kun: Like I said, a dusty statue.  The End.

>Next to him
>is a young girl with straight black hair, a red blouse, and
>a black
>skirt.

A-kun: Wow, Biles!  I'm honored by your presence.  But, why are you a girl?

> Next to her is a boy in a yellow shirt with the kanji for

Ami: "Tomboy".  It's Ryoga!!

	[Ranma, A-kun and Ifurita stare at her.]

Ifurita: "Stephen Gagne"!  That's what he looks like!

Ranma: Dream on.  It says "Security".  He's from Star Trek: Next Generation.

A-kun: No no.  It's says "World's Greatest Sex Machine"-

	[Ami and Ifurita crush him under twin hammers.]

>"Hibiki Pig Farm" on it, and black pants. The boy looks
>uneasy.)

Ami: Hibiki Pig Farm?  Oh come on!  That's too much of a low blow.

Ranma: Actually, if Ryoga married that Akari Unryuu, he would own a pig farm...

Ifurita: Who's Akari?

Ranma: She appears later in Ranma 1/2.  And I hope no one was offended by that plug.  Or that little spoiler.

>Interviewer: Welcome. We are proud to present

Ami: This kazoo!

Ifurita: This pretty penny!

Ranma: This booger!

A-kun: Ami-chan's panties!

	[Ami pulls out a mallet and pounds A-kun.]

A-kun [groaning]: It was worth it....

> an interview with the
>stars of the new fanfic series called Here's Uma.

Ifurita: And Here's Ifurita, WHAT'S YOUR POINT?!

> So, without further
>ado, here's Saotome Uma...

Ranma: The illegitimate daughter of Charles Foster Kane.

>Uma (the girl in the red blouse): Hello.

Ami: Uma?

A-kun (Arnold Swarznegger): It's not a tuma.

>Interviewer: And Hibiki Butaga.

>Butaga (obviously the boy) (*taps the mike pinned to him*):
>Um, is
>this thing on?

All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH!!!

>Uma: Don't worry, koibito, we are only going to be talked >to by one
>person. [1]

A-kun: No....you'll be talked to by us once this is done.

Ranma: Yeah, you have another thing coming to you, young lady!

Ami: OOOOH! I know a secret!  Koibito means they're boyfriend/girlfriend!

A-kun: Or lovers.  GAH!

>Butaga: But we will be read by everyone. Do you know how
>many people
>read the Fanfiction Mailing List?

Ami[Uma]: Yes, 3,456,523,523 people.

Ranma: On a slow day.

>Uma: Don't forget rec.arts.anime.creative also.

A-kun: Hey, rec.arts.anime.creative.also doesn't exist!  Wait, does it?!

>(Butaga faints)

A-kun: Wow!  Didn't know my comment would do THAT to him!

>Interviewer: Will he be fine?

>Uma: Don't worry.

Ifurita [Uma]: He's just in need of immediate medical attention.  Nothing to worry about.

> Since he is a country boy, he is not used
>to being
>in front of so many people. He will be fine.

A-kun [Uma]: I mean he'll be fined for being in this 'fic!

>Interviewer: Let us begin. So, Uma-chan (is it ok to call
>you
>Uma-chan?),

Ranma [Uma]: Not unless you're going to sleep with me. [shudders] On second thought...

> it says in my notes that your parents are
>Saotome Ranma
>and Saotome Akane, right?

Ranma: WHAT?!?!?!?!

A-kun [handing Ranma a cigar]: Congrats', Ranma!  It's a girl!

>Uma: Yep.

>Interviewer: So, who is this girl in the photo with your
>mother?

A-kun [Uma]: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!  That's Aunty Kodachi!  She should be in that place where everyone wears white jackets!

>Uma: My father.

Ranma [still stunned]: Guuuuuuuhh.........

>Interviewer: Is it? If it is, he must be a professional
>transvestite,
>for I was convinced that he was a woman.

Ranma: HEY!!!

Ami: It's true, Ranma.  You do make a convincing girl.

A-kun: Ami-chan, I have to explain something...

Ami: Ah, like the Star Fighters.  Only with water.

>Uma: Um, my father IS a woman, sometimes...

A-kun [Interviewer]: [whining] My head hurts, I'm cold and wolves are after me.

>Interviewer: Sometimes?

>Uma: The Jusenkyo

Ami: Bathwater!

Ranma: Ecto-juicer!

A-kun: Pencil!

Ifurita: Ice cream cone!

> Curse. It is a long story. Much too long
>for the
>interview time.

All: Uhhhh.....you know, they do extra long interviews and summarize them, don't you?

>Interviewer: So, is there anything else we should know >about you?

A-kun [Uma]: I'm a lesbian.

	[The ACs glare at him.]

A-kun: HEY!  A guy can dream!

>Uma: They say I inherited my father's stubbornness, my
>mother's anger,

Ranma [Uma]: My uncle Ryoga's ability to shoot tweleve gallons of blood through the nose...

A-kun [Uma]: My uncle Mousse's poor eyesight.  HEY!  Where'd you go?!

Ami [Uma]: My aunt Shampoo's crappy vocabulary...AIYAH!

Ifurita: My uncle Gosunkugi's low constitut--ion.... SNNNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX...... {Ifurita begins drooling down the front of her outfit, she slumps forward bumping into the screen.  She awakens startled, who slapped her in the back of the head.  "Umm, I'll have a Flaming Wombat please!"  Looking around she notices she's not in the bathroom and pretends nothing unusual happened. - a tITANIC journal entry by Bag O' Hammers....um, TharzZzDunN Limited}

>and my grandfather's love for food. But, if there's one
>trait I would
>love people to remember me by, I would pick my romantic
>heart.

>Interviewer: It says here that your father knows martial
>arts. Do you
>know martial arts as well?

Ami [Uma]: Well I dated them before high school, but I had to break it off.  They were just too physical!

>Uma: No. But I do know bugei. Saotome Rei Nandemo Bugei. >[2]

A-kun: Yep, good old uncle Bug Eye!

Ifurita: Yep, it's also a Non-Demo model.

Ami: HUH?!

>Interviewer: I thought it was the Saotome School of
>Indiscriminate
>Grappling?

Ifurita [Uma]: Yes, I don't discriminate BEFORE I grapple...

A-kun: Oh, kinky!

	[Ifurita blasts A-kun.]

>Uma (sweat drops): Um, yeah, well, it still is. But it is
>just too
>much to say. Why did pop choose that name in the first
>place?

Ranma: I didn't choose it either, so don't blame me!

>(Butaga wakes up, and starts to leave)

Ifurita: Ah, Ryoga.  The infamous wanderer.  I wonder why it is that his mom AND dad had that problem?

A-kun: Maybe they were fourth-removed cousins and didn't know it.

>Interviewer: Where are YOU going?

Ami [Stern Motherly Voice]: You just clean up that mess you made on the carpet!

>Butaga: Well, since you're busy interviewing Uma-chan, I
>thought I could

A-kun [Evil voice]: Get away from the Empire?!  NEVER!  BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

> wait outside.

A-kun: Oh poopie.

>Interviewer: I have to talk to you also. You ARE her

Ami: Fiancee?

Ranma: ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGG!!!

>boyfriend.

Ranma: ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGG!!

>Butaga: Not by my choice.

Ifurita: Soun and Genma strike again!

>Uma (angrily): Your choice? Ha! I picked you, and you are
>stuck with
>me, lover.

Ranma [sobbing like Soun]: My descendent is making a mockery of our family!  I'm so ashamed!  WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!

Ami: It's eerie how well he does that.

	[Ifurita and A-kun nod in agreement.]

>Butaga: Well, it didn't help that your old man and my old
>man got

Ami: Back?  Ranma got back!

>together 

A-kun: Eewwww!

	[Ranma's head explodes.]

>and decided to get us engaged when we were born.

Ifurita: I wonder how drunk they were.

A-kun: Knowing Ranma, he was probably reciting the Necronomicon without knowing it.

>Uma: You can't fight fate.

Ami: That's not true!

A-kun: No, Ami-chan, you can't fight fate.  You can play poker with him and beat the pants off of him, but you can't fight him.  Besides, Predestiny is the one you should look out for.  She cheats.

	[Ranma's head grows back.]

>Butaga: Your father brought the sake. Not mine.

Ifurita: Actually, Butaga, we have satelite photos of Brad Pitt's butt.

Ranma: Not to mention satelite photos of Pamela Anderson undressing.

A-kun: How does that prove who brought the sake?

Ranma: It doesn't, but you have admit, these angles are fantastic!

A-kun [grabbing the photos]: Give me those!  [looks at them]  You're right.

>Interviewer: Amazing how salmon can make people forget.

All:...the hell?

Ifurita: Since WHEN did fish affect memory?

>Uma: Especially when followed by rice wine. [3]

All: JUST CALL IT SAKE!!!

>Butaga: I'm leaving.

A-kun: GOOD FOR YOU!

>Interviewer: But won't you get lost?

Ifurita [Butaga]: Yeah, at least I'll be out of THIS fic!  Bleah!

>Butaga: I'm not my father. Besides, he cured the Hibiki
>Bloodline
>Curse before I was born.

Ami: A-kun, may I?

A-kun: I invest you with the authorization to do so.

Ami: Good.  IT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR RYOGA TO HAVE CURED HIS MISDIRECTION!!!!  LEARN FROM THE AUTHORS BEFORE YOU!!!  NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO CURE HIS MISDIRECTION!!!  THERE IS A FIFTY-FIFTY CHANCE HIS CHILDREN WOULD NOT INHERIT THE CURSE, BUT RYOGA HIMSELF CANNOT BE CURED!!!!

> (looks at Uma) I just wish he would
>have

A-kun: Gotten a better author to write this story!  Yeesh!

>hitched me up with a cute girl instead of you.

Ifurita and Ami: Hmmmm, are you sure this is RYOGA'S kid?  He has shades of Ranma.

Ranma: HEY!  I'm not low enough to sleep with Akari!  Besides, Ryoga and I have been friends in here for years.  Like I want him to start picking fights with me again.

>(Uma picks up a table, and clobbers Butaga)

Ranma: Ah, memories.  They're like the cornerstones of my mind or something like that.

>Interviewer (recovering from that display of violence):

A-kun:  Yeah, right.  Like he'll be doing THAT anytime soon.

>Well, we are
>out of time. Tune in tomorrow when we will have on >Takahashi Rumiko,

All [Bowing and scraping]: Megami-sama, Megami-sama!

Ami [thinking]: If I do this for her, maybe she can convince Naoko-sama to continue writing on Sailor Moon!

>and The Brothers Brothers.

All:....the hell?

> Thank you, and keep safe.

Ranma [in a Vulcan voice]: Live long and prosper.

A-kun: No, no, no!  It's like this! [Vulcan voice]: Live long and procreate much!

>----------------------------------------------------------->--------------------

A-kun: More barbed wire!  Look out!

>[1]: koibito = lover, darling, or boy/girlfriend.

>[2]: Bugai is Japanese for Martial Arts, if you did not
>know.

Ifurita: SPELLING ERROR!!!  DOES NOT COMPUTE!!!

>[3]: Salmon and Rice Wine is both known as Sake (although
>with
>different kanji, they're both romanized the same).
>Coincidence? I
>think not.

All: JUST CALL IT SAKE!!!

>     Suddenly, a shape appears and taps Stan on the
>shoulder. Stan
>looks, and Uma appears.

Ami: So who was the shape?  We know Uma is there, but who is the other person?

>Uma: Um, Stan-kun, you better get busy and start writing >the first

A-kun:  A character of your own design is threatening you?  Man, you HAVE to work obedience into them.  For example, my friends.

The ACs [in a trance-like voice]: Yes, master.

The ACs: HUH?!  Wha?!  What happened?

A-kun: Oh, nothing special, guys.  Teeheeheeheehee!

>Here's Uma fanfic, or else.

Ifurita: And the Here's Ifurita fanfic, or else!

>Stan: Right away.

>___________________________________________________________>___

A-kun: AAAAH!!  More laser security!

>     Here's Uma, Episode 1.
>     By Stanley "Quartzite" Teriaca.
>     Special Thanks to Gary Kleppe for spell-checking, and
>the FFML
>for giving me some info. Domo Aragoto.

A-kun [singing]:...Mister Robot-o.

>     Note: Saotome Uma and Hibiki Butaga copyrighted, me,
>1996. All
>other characters copyrighted Takahashi Rumiko, used without
>permission. I am not making money off this, so don't sue.

Ranma: We will!

>----------------------------------------------------------->------------------

A-kun: YEESH!  This guy has more security on his fanfics than any other author.

>     (Any comments? EMail them to teriaca@omnifest.com .)
>
>Opening Theme: Mugamuchu No Kokoro, by Shin-Doko.
>

All: Shin-Doko?

Ranma: You mean Doco?  Or Doco USA?  Or what?!  TELL US, MAN!!!

>Butaga (Voice Over): Enter Uma: The Romantic, Disobedient
>Girl.

All (progressively): 0_0, O_O, o_o, %_%, *_*, X_X

>----------------------------------------------------------->--------------------

A-kun: Darn barbed wire!

>(We open to a country road in Japan. It is currently >raining lightly.

A-kun: Waitaminute!  Oh, wait, it's on a country road.  If it were in Nerima, I'd have to remind the author that it NEVER rains 'lightly'.

	[No sooner is A-kun done with that sentence that water drenches the four.  A-kun-chan and Ranma-chan look LESS amused.  Ifurita and Ami are a bit stunned by this effect.]

>A young girl with shoulder length black hair, green blouse,
>black
>pants, and soft-soled shoes, carrying a green duffel bag >and
>a black
>umbrella, is being chased by two females. They are both in
>their 30's.

Ranma-chan: Well, let me tell you that if one of them IS me, I'd've caught that girl by now.

>One has shoulder length red hair, tied in a braid, and is
>wearing a
>red blouse and black pants. The other has short black hair,
>a yellow
>blouse, and matching pants.)

Ranma-chan: And we have my description-

>Red Haired Woman (angrily): Umasora! Come back here! We >said no! [1]

Ranma-chan [as Red Haired Woman]: Umasora, you clean up that mess or else you can't have ice cream!

>Black Haired Woman: Your father is right. You are too young
>to be
>engaged.

All:...the hell?

A-kun-chan: HEY!  I thought Ranma and Ryoga set this up?

Ranma-chan: I'm a bit slow.  Who's Umasora?

Ami: I'm guessing that it's Uma's full name.

A-kun-chan [Arnold Swarznegger]: It's NOT A TUMA!

Ifurita: Umasora.  Man, that's a lame joke.  "Sky Horse" my butt!

>Uma: You should have thought of that before you engaged me.

Ifurita [Black Haired Woman]: Huh?  Guh.

>(Ranma (let's face it, you know who they are by now, in
>spite of the
>age) suddenly rockets towards Uma.

Ranma-chan: See?

> It looks like she will
>overtake
>Uma, when Uma jumps over her. She slides down the road, and
>crashes
>into a...panda. Akane starts to run towards Ranma, and Uma
>does some
>more jumps, and is out of sight.)

Ranma-chan: Yes, a martial artist for 30 years, one of the best in the world, is easily dodged by a 16 year (or there about) old that has probably not spent more than 10 years doing martial arts.  This is so lame.

A-kun-chan: Hush.  It's a fanfic.  Besides, you easily surpassed your father.

Ranma-chan: Because I had advantages.  Uma seems no smarter than me at that age.  Dad was still whooping me until I was about seventeen.  And by this age, I'd know THOUSANDS of dirty tricks and such.

>Uma (leaving): Bye-bye.

>Ranma-chan (while picking herself up, and addressing the
>panda): Was I
>ever that difficult, pop?

Ifurita [Panda]: Don't ask me, kid.  I'm just a stupid panda.

>Genma-panda (via sign): Yes you were, Ranma my boy.

	[Ranma-chan grumbles.]

>Akane: What now?

Ami: Easy, all we do is trick her into a corner-

A-kun-chan:-and use the 'Spanking Machine' on her!

	[The ACs whap A-kun-chan.]

>Ranma-chan: Well, we both know where she is going, so we
>might as well
>head towards there. (to Genma) Want to come along?

Ami [Panda]: Nah, I'm just going to grease myself up and see how far down the road I can slide.

Ranma-chan: Ami-chan, that was uncalled for.  Not to mention disgusting!

>Genma-panda: She is YOUR daughter. You discipline her.
>Besides
>(finally getting up) your mother and I have, um, plans for
>tonight.

Ifurita: AH!  So that's what your parents call it nowadays.

>Akane: Plans?

Ami [laughing evilly]: Yes, *PLANS*.  BWAHAHAHA!  That bank won't know what hit them!

	[The others stare at her.]

> That means that my father will have to visit
>Kasumi and
>Tofu for a while.

A-kun-chan: And man, will they be pissed!

>(Genma-panda nods his head, then skips away.)

Ranma-chan: EWWWW!!  DAD!  STOP THAT!  You're embarrassing me!

>Ranma-chan: Lets go then.

A-kun-chan: USE PUNCTUATION!!!!  It's "Let's go then", not "Lets go then"!

Ranma-chan: Here's some prozac.  Take some.

A-kun-chan [swallows some]: Oooh...look at the pretty finches....

>(Ranma and Akane leave down the road. The scene changes to >a farm. A
>young boy with short black hair just finished something

A-kun-chan: Let me guess....Butthead?  No, uh....Beavis?  No......I'VE GOT IT!!  It's Shaft!  He's one mean mother-

ACs: Hush your mouth.

A-kun-chan: Just talking about Shaft.

ACs: Oh yeah...

> and enters a
>farm house. He is greeted by Ryouga, and a dog with half of
>its fur
>white, and the other half black. Of course, as is the
>custom, the boy
>removes his shoes.)

Ifurita: Okay, boy.  Drop your pants.  It's time for  the cavity search.

	[The rest shudder.]

>Boy: Hi pop.

>Ryouga: Butaga,

A-kun-chan [Ryouga]: How many times do I have to tell you, the full title is 'Hello Megami-sama Ryouga-chan'.  And you're suppose to sing "I feel pretty, so pretty and witty and-"

	[Ranma-chan swallows back bile.]

A-kun-chan: Sorry Ranma.

Ranma-chan [weakly]:...should be....

> you're home?

Ami [Butaga]: No, I decided to visit my mistress's house!  [Normal] Twit!

Ifurita [Butaga]: No, I decided to run away, why are you in my cardboard tube?!

A-kun-chan [Butaga]: Yes, this is MY home.  I threw you out five months ago!

Ranma-chan: Feeling dark, A-kun?

>Butaga: I'm not like you, you know.

A-kun-chan [Butaga]: I don't like being called "Megami-sama"...

Ranma-chan [Butaga]: I don't have to wear a diaper everywhere I go...

> I don't get lost so
>easily.

>Ryouga: Are all the chores done?

Ami [Butaga]: Yeah, no thanks to you.

Ifurita [Butaga]: No, I decided that I'd knock off, have fun streaking in the red-light district and have my picture posted on the front page of the National Enquirer for the month.

>Butaga: Yes. The pigs are all fed, the fence is mended, and
>the wallow
>is full.

A-kun-chan: You have permission to wallow in your suffering, Ryoga...

> So, pop, where are you going?

A-kun-chan [Interviewer]: [whining] I'm cold and wolves are after me...

>Ryouga: The bathing room.

Ami [Butaga]: Uh, dad?  That's the outhouse.

Ranma-chan [Ryouga]: Same difference.

>Butaga (to the dog): Jogen, go find the bathing area for
>pop.

A-kun-chan [the dog]: Sure, but who the hell are you talking to?

>(Jogen barks, then takes off. Ryouga follows.)

A-kun-chan: So it barfs, then takes off.  Smart dog.

Ifurita: Yeah, it barfs in Butaga's shoes, Butaga gets revolted and he leaves.  The End.

>Butaga (to himself): Sometimes, the way I am with animals >is scary.

Ifurita [Butaga]: Booga-booga-booga-booga-booga.

>(Butaga walks into another room, and is greeted by Akari.
>She is
>currently wearing a whitish dress (perhaps off white), and
>an apron
>with little black pigs all about it, and black lettering
>saying

Ami: "Where's the bacon"?

Ranma-chan: "Pork, the other white meat"?

Ifurita: "Ever danced with Ryouga on a strip of bacon"?

A-kun-chan: "Pinch the chef"?

	[The ACs pound A-kun-chan.]

> "Ernk Ernk".)

>Akari: So, are your chores done?

All: NO!

>Butaga: Yes, mom.

>Akari: Good. Now do the problems on page 250 of your math
>book.

Ami: How many times do I have to tell you, I've been finished with math for fifteen years.

A-kun-chan: You finished when you were 1 year old?

Ami: Technically, I started in the womb, so I was 'officially' 3 months old.

>Butaga: But I did that page yesterday. And it is the last
>page of the
>book.

>Akari: Show me.

Ranma-chan [Butaga]: OOPS!  That was in the math book when I was in third grade.  Oh well, either way, it's an accomplishment.

>(Butaga runs off

Ifurita: AH-HA!

> and shows his mom the book, and the fact
>that,
> yes,

Ami: He was indeed the second gunman on the grassy knoll.

>page 250 is done.)

>Akari: Darn. That means I have to order another home
>schooling math
>book from TN Enterprises. What was this one called?

A-kun-chan [Butaga]: Baby's first pop-up Stephen King book.  WHOOPS!  This isn't my math book!  I never HAD a math book!  The teacher put me in a spanking machine when I asked for one.

Ami: But he was schooled from home.

A-kun-chan: Exactly.

>Butaga: Algebra.

>Akari: Algebra. I wish I knew a lot about that subject. It
>would make
>grading you easier. Consider today a free day.

Ranma-chan [Butaga]: YAY!  I get to use the Flintstone's phone!

>Butaga: Ill be in my room. inform me when pop is out of the
>bathing
>room (Butaga walks off).

Ami: Well, shouldn't you be concerned about Ill getting ill in your room?  And capitalize 'inform'.

>(A knock is herd on the door, and Akari answers it. Uma

A-kun-chan:...throws up in Butaga's shoes, like the dog did!

Ranma: Man, she didn't hear a herd at her door?  Is she deaf?

>steps in.)

>Uma (bowing): Is this the Hibiki Pig Farm?

A-kun-chan: Why is she bowling?  Oh wait, bowing.  Why is she making a bow now?

>Akari: Yes it is. Who are you?

Ifurita: Ifurita.

Ranma-chan: Saotome Ranma.

Ami: Mizuno Ami or Amy Anderson depending on which side of the Pacific we're on.

A-kun-chan: Bill Clinton, I'm running for presidency in 2001.

Ami: Elections aren't until 2000 or 2004.

A-kun-chan: I'm running late that year.

>Uma: Saotome Uma.

A-kun-chan [Arnold Swarznegger]: IT'S NOT A TUMA!!

>Akari (surprised): Is it that time already? Oh, forgive me.

Ranma-chan: I'm not done cooking my son.  And I need to put the honey glazing on him...

>Enter and
>have some tea.
>
>Uma (while removing her shoes): Aragoto.

A-kun-chan: Sigh, [Singing]...Mister Robot-o

>(Uma and Akari move to the kitchen, and Akari makes Uma >some

A-kun-chan: Pee.

ACs: Eww....

A-kun-chan: Hey, there are cults that do that...

Ifurita [muttering]: You'd know...

> tea.)
>Uma (sipping her tea):Um, good tea.

A-kun-chan [Uma thinking]: Kami-sama, this sucks!  What, did she pull the water out a pig's @$$.....oh, wait....

>Akari: I'm glade you like it.

A-kun-chan [Hick speak]: She done gladed them there farm boys were glade...

Ami: Huh?

>(Jogen wanders in, followed by Ryouga. His hair shines like

Ranma-chan: A baby's bottom.

A-kun-chan: And it's twice as stinky.

>it was
>freshly washed.)

Ifurita: In what?  Cat piss?

>Ryouga: Would you tell Butaga that his

Ranma-chan: Kiddy-pool sucks as a septic tank.

Ifurita: And warn him NOT to drink from it anytime soon.

> bath is ready?

>Akari: Of course, dear. (to Uma) Please excuse me.

A-kun-chan: Pfraaaaaaapppppppppppppp.

Ami: THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR!!

A-kun-chan: Just like your suggestion that Genma-panda should grease himself up....brrrrrrr.

> (to Ryouga) This is
>Uma, Ranma and Akane's daughter. (steps off screen) Butaga,

Ranma-chan: YOU'RE IN A LAME FANFIC!  RUN FOR IT!!!!

>your bath
>is ready!

>Ryouga: I could've done that. (to Uma) So, what brings you
>here?

Ranma-chan: Your irresistable smell.  Here, let me pour this sauce on you.  Man, I love pork!

A-kun-chan: Donuts.  Your sign said I could buy a baker's dozen for a dollar!

Ami: A huge arrow.  It's pointing down at your house and flashing "Enter here".

Ifurita: Wait, I thought you knew....

>Uma: My engagement to your son.

>Ryouga (confused): Your (pause) Engagement (pause) To
>(pause) My
>(pause) Son? (facefaults. After he recovers...)

Ranma-chan [Ryoga]: What (pause) did (pause) you (pause) say? (pause) (pause) (pause) (pause) (pause)

Ami: Why are there so many pauses?

Ranma-chan: I'm waiting for her to reply.

> Who said
>that?

Ami [Uma]: This smelly black cat.  It had this stupid looking crescent moon on it's forehead...

Ranma-chan [Uma]: Aunt Shampoo.  You wouldn't BELIEVE the crap that came out of her mouth...

A-kun-chan [Uma]: Grandpa Genma.  He said he and Great-uncle Soun arranged the whole thing!

Ifurita [Uma]: I did.  Weren't you listening?

>Uma: My parents.

All: Ah....THAT explains it....huh?!

A-kun-chan: HEY!  I thought Ryouga knew!

>Ryouga (finally taking control of himself): Are you sure? I
>thought
>Ranma wouldn't let his kids suffer like he did under all
>those
>fiances.

Ranma-chan: I didn't exactly 'suffer' Ryouga...

Ami: Ranma, wipe that grin off your face.

>Uma: It was my choice to come here. In fact, they tried to
>stop me.

Ifurita [Uma]: They used everything from tranquilizers to dogs to shotguns!  By the way, I'm not feeling good....could you take these strange darts out of my butt............... zzzzzzzzzzzz..........

>Ryouga: And what will you say when they arrive for you?

Ranma-chan: Probably the usual "Young lady, HOW the heck did you keep running with eighteen traquilizer darts in your butt?"

>Uma: I don't know. (changing the subject)Um, Hibiki-san? >Can I take a
>bath? I am all sweaty from running over here.

Ami [Uma]: I smell a lot like you....uh, I guess that wasn't the right thing to say.....

>Ryouga (forgetting about Butaga): Of course. It is the >first door on
>the right. Or is it the second door on the left? (to Jogen)
>You will
>take Uma to the bathing room,

A-kun-chan [Ryouga]: Ahem, what I mean to say is "SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!"

> won't you? (Jogen barks)

Ami: Translated, it means: Sure, but will you tell me who the @#%# you're talking to!!!

> Just follow Jogen.

>Uma (getting up): Aragoto.

A-kun-chan:...Mister Robot-o!  Yeesh!  Why isn't anyone else singing?!

> (follows Jogen out.)

Ifurita [Uma]: Say, Jogen, have you ever-

Ranma-chan: Ifurita, STOP...RIGHT...THERE!  This is my daughter, so THAT'S MY LINE!

>Ryouga: Now, how do I get out of this room?

Ami: Ah, the more things change....actually, nothing's changed except their age...

>(Next we see Uma enter the bathroom, take off her clothing,

Ifurita: Took off the kevlar vest she had on underneath, took off the gun belt, tossed off the ammo chains in the X-pattern across her chest, took off the six wigs, changed her six sets of contact lens, put down her fourteen hidden briefcases....

>and enter
>the bathing room, JUST as Butaga is climbing out of the
>bath. Butaga
>looks at Uma with surprise, while Uma returns the look with
>a 'come

Ranma-chan: Hold the bucket when I throw up' look.

>hither' look. Butaga starts nose bleeding, and runs out of
>the room.

Ifurita: But who's nose is bleeding?  All we know is Butaga is responsible for it....

>Uma enters the bath water.)

>Uma (addressing the 4th wall): OK. Now what? We just better
>go to a
>commercial. I hope lover will recover by then. And I didn't
>even catch
>his name. (sighs)

	[The MAT 2K crew look around.]

A-kun-chan: Who the hell is she talking to?

Ami: Don't know.

Ifurita:  YO!  We're over at the seventh wall!

A-kun-chan: Maybe she's just going nuts...

Ranma-chan: HOW DARE YOU!!!

	[A-kun-chan is about to run when hot water splashes them all.]

A-kun:  I think the invention's purpose is quite obvious now.

>----------------------------------------------------------->-------------------

>Eyecatch: SD Uma, with hearts in her eyes, chases a
>terrified SD
>Butaga. Uma trips over the logo, and cries.

A-kun: But where the hell did SD Uma go?

>----------------------------------------------------------->--------------------
>Announcer: Introducing the Tendo 640. The Ultimate gaming
>machine.
>Where else can you play games like...
>   ...Tic-Tac-Toe Combat...
>   ...Aquatranssexual...
>   ...Grimm's Combat Fairy Tails 2: Humpty Dumpty's
>Revenge...
>   ...Dragon Sticks A...
>   ...And tons of more games we have no time for. So, for
>the ultimate
>in gaming, bug your parents for the Tendo 640.

All: Huh?  Guh....Duh.

>Fine Print: Joystick, games, mouse, light gun, cartridge
>port, VCR
>tape port, CD rom player, keyboard, cables, Ultimate
>Nullifier,
>batteries, and power jack not included. For a full list of
>Tendo 640
>accessories, send 10,000 yen to the address inside the >Tendo 640
>Starter Box. Void where prohibited.

Ami: No, no, no.  It should be 'Void where you are inhibited'.

>----------------------------------------------------------->-------------------

>Eyecatch: SD Butaga helps SD Uma up, then Uma glomps >Butaga, and a
>giant heart falls onto Butaga's head with the kanji saying
>"We've
>Returned".

Ifurita: Like A-kun asked, where the hell did SD Uma and SD Butaga go?!?!?!

>----------------------------------------------------------->--------------------

>Uma is all dressed, and steps out of the bathroom. Butaga >is also all
>dressed, and is holding a cloth to his nose. Finally, his
>nose stops
>bleeding.)

Ami: HEY!  He started someone else's nose bleeding and the author doesn't even mention when HIS nose starts bleeding!

>Uma: So, what is your name?

>Butaga: What is your name?

A-kun [Uma]: No, I asked you first.
Ranma [Butaga]: No, I asked you first.
A-kun: No, you didn't!
Ranma: Yes, I did!
A-kun: Did not!
Ranma: Did too!
A-kun: Did not!
Ranma: Did not!
A-kun: Did too....STOP THAT!

>Uma: Saotome Umasora, but everyone calls me Uma.
>
>Butaga: Hibiki Butaga.
>
>Uma: "Pig fang". Cute.
>
>Butaga: "Sky horse". Cute.

Ami [deadpan voice]: These jokes are so funny I must laugh.  Ha....ha.........ha.

>Uma: So, why did you leave the bath?

>Butaga: Because I am a gentleman, and you are a girl.

>Uma: Gentlemen do not get a nosebleed over the slightest
>sight of
>flesh.

A-kun: Gentlemen are men with more refined ideas of when a guy and a girl should look at each other.

Ranma: Hey A-kun, there's a hentai manga of Ami and Ifurita doing it!

A-kun [drooling]: WHERE?!  WHERE?!?!

Ranma: I rest my case.  A-kun is a pervert.

>Butaga: What was that?

Ami: You don't want to know.  Geez, Ranma, don't eat burritos.

Ranma: I didn't eat burritos.

Ami: A-kun?

A-kun: Neither do I, so don't blame me.

Ami: Ifur-

	[The look from Ifurita silences Ami.]

Ami: And I didn't do it, so who did?

Jogen: *WOOF*

All: It was the dog!

>Uma: Oh, nothing.

>Butaga: So, now what?

>Uma: Do you agree?

>Butaga: On what?

A-kun: That your dog eats burritos.

>Uma: Just answer the question.

>Butaga: What was the question?

>Uma: I will tell you later. Do you agree?

All: Huh?

>Butaga (to himself): If I say no, I will never know the
>question. If I
>say yes, she may not let me out of it. Oh well, what do I
>got to lose.

Ami [To Ifurita]: If you choose Yes, you win the Washer.  If you choose No, you win the Dryer.

Ifurita: Then I choose Maybe.

>(to Uma) Yes.

>Uma (glomping Butaga): I'm so happy!

>Butaga (surprised): What was that for?

A-kun: You just bought real estate near Chernobyl.

Ranma: You just bought a glass of her bath water for 3,000,000,000 yen.

Ami: You just gave Ifurita permission to blast the author.

Ifurita: Hehehehehehehehe...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

A-kun: Ah, she's been working on her maniacal laughter.

>Uma: You just agreed to be my future husband.

>Butaga: What?!

All: What?!

>Uma (picking Butaga up and starts running): I got to tell
>your parents
>you said yes! I got to tell my parents you said yes! I got
>to tell the
>world you said yes!

A-kun: Hey, Guys.  Check this out. [Butaga] NO!!!

>Butaga: NO!!!

Ami: You read ahead, didn't you?

A-kun: Nope.  Just guessing.

	[TharzZzDunN appears in a spray of cotton swabs.]

TharzZzDunN: That's right, if he were the idiot we believe he is, his response should have been, "GYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!"  Thank you germs and fungi, I'll be here all week!

	[TharzZzDunN disappears in an explosion of Beanie Babies.]

>(The scene changes. Akari is cleaning a room when a knock >is heard on
>the door. She answers it and, enter Saotome Ranma and
>Akane.)

>Ranma-chan: Is my daughter here?

>Akari: Yes she is. Come on in.

Ami: [Akari] I read what happened before and she's already engaged herself to my son.  Don't worry, they were bombed out of their minds thanks to that little...drug I put in their tea.  Hehehehehehe...

Ranma: But they didn't drink any tea.

Ami: Oops...

> There's a tea kettle sitting
>on the
>stove. Help yourself.

Ami: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

>(Ranma and Akane enter the kitchen, and Ranma uses the
>kettle to
>change.

Ifurita: Then he reads the earlier parts of the story and spontaneously combusts.  The End.

> Then he realizes that Ryouga is in the room, opening
>every
>door-type thing in order to leave.)

All: Huh?

>Ryouga (to himself): Perhaps it is this door? (opens a
>cabinet door)
>No. This one? (opens a pantry door) Food storage. This way?
>(opens the
>fridge) No. (grabs an apple) Might as well. (closes the
>fridge door,
>THEN notices Ranma and Akane) So, Saotome Ranma, what >brings
>you to
>this neck of the woods?

All: 

>Ranma: My daughter. She got it in her head that she is
>engaged to your
>son.

Ifurita: [Ryouga] Man, is she going to be pissed when she finds out I only have a daughter.  Or was it a boy?  I'm lost in my head.

Ranma: Nothing new for Ryouga.

>Ryouga: And who placed this thought in her head.

A-kun: And who did this on the carpet?

ACs: Maybe it was the dog.

>Ranma (angrily): It was a joke. I didn't think you would
>take it
>seriously.

A-kun: HAHAHAHAHA!!  Good one, Saotome, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

>Ryouga (angrily): I don't even remember saying yes, but >then again,
>YOU were the one who brought the sake when Butaga was born.

Ranma: No, I told you, these are pictures of Cindy Crawford undressing VERY sloooowly....

Ami: What does that have do with who brought the sake?

Ranma: Nothing, but MAN!  These are GREAT pictures.

>Akane: So, how is P-Chan?

Ranma: He's doing great.  I mean, he's rotating nicely in the oven and he's letting the sauce spread evenly...

>(Ryouga stammers. Then Akari enters the room.)

>Akari: Oh. P-Chan is dead.

Ami [Akari]: Didn't you get the bacon we sent you as his memorial?

Ranma [Ryoga]: Don't scream or nothing, Akane.  We made his death as painful as possible.

> He died a few years ago. But he
>did father
>a few litters. In fact, one of his piglets looks exactly
>like him.

A-kun: Pigs don't have litters.

>Akane: Fine. I am glad I entrusted P-Chan to you and Ryouga
>when I
>married.

Ifurita: Even though you two were laughing and making plans for luau...

>Ryouga (whispering to Akari): I'm dead? Since when?

A-kun: Since Rigor Mortis set in twenty years ago.

>Akari (whispering back): Well, do you want to be dead for
>real when
>Akane finds out you were P-Chan all these years?

Ranma: Don't worry, Akari.  Akane has given up her-

A-kun: Say it, Ranma, and you'll be watching the lemon where you and Azusa get together.

	[Ranma shivers.  A-kun shivers as well.]

A-kun: [thinking] Where the hell did I come up with that one?  Man, I have to flame those people.

>Ryouga (whispering in reply): Good choice.

>(Just then, the door opens, and Uma runs in and places
>Butaga in front
>of Ranma and Akane.)

>Uma: Isn't he cute?

>Ranma: So, this is Butaga.

>Butaga: I am.

Ifurita [Butaga]: NOT!  My real name is Tuxedo Butaga!

	[Ami shivers.]

Ami: Stop that!

>(Ranma takes a glass of cold water, and pores it over
>Butaga. Butaga
>is wet, angry, but otherwise normal.)

A-kun: AH-HA!  That's the change!  He gets wet and angry... that's sick.....

>Ranma: Well, no change.

>Butaga: Why did you do that for?!

>Ranma: I have my reasons.

>Uma: He said yes.

All: HUH?!

Ranma: Who said yes?  I don't recall anyone....

A-kun: I think she meant Butaga said yes.  But don't quote me on that.

>Butaga: You never told me the question. Besides, if I knew
>that I was
>going to get engaged to such an uncute girl, I would've >said no.

>(Uma throws a punch at Butaga, but Ranma grabs her fist.)

Ranma: Then Ranma punches Butaga.

A-kun: Then A-kun kicks Butaga.

Ami: Then Sailor Mercury freezes Butaga's @$$.

Ifurita: Then Ifurita blasts the #%#$ out of Butaga.

>Ranma: Watch it. Uma takes after her mother.

>(Akane lightly jabs Ranma in the stomach.)

A-kun: Well, it *WOULD* have been a light punch if Akane hadn't been the Six Million Yen Woman (aka the Bionic Woman).

Ami [Akane]: Bionics ON!

>Ryouga: She is your child all right. Runs into my house >like
>a wild horse and basically makes a mess.

Ranma [Ranma]: But she didn't go on the carpet.  Well, better fix that. Aaaahhhhhhh......

Ami [Akari]: EEWWW!! Ryouga, do something!

A-kun [Ryouga]: Go in this bottle, Ranma.  And you're cleaning up that mess.

Ifurita [Akane]: At least he's more house-broken than Shampoo.

A-kun [Ryouga]: Heh heh heh, or Ryouga.  Hey!

>Ranma: Are you saying that my Uma is too good for your
>Butaga?

>Ryouga: Are you saying that my Butaga is too good for your
>Uma?

All; No...HE SAID 'ARE YOU SAYING MY UMA IS TOO GOOD FOR YOUR BUTAGA'.

>Both: That does it! They will be engaged, even if it kills
>me!

Ami: It just might if they recall that their wives are watching all of this.

>(After a small pause, Ranma and Ryouga realize that they
>said the same
>thing, and shake on it.)

Ifurita: But Akane and Akari were not amused by their imitations of vibra-

A-kun: Stop right there, Ifurita.

>Ryouga: Please take him to your dojo. I have tried to teach
>Butaga my
>fighting style, but he is more interested in books than
>fighting. And
>my skills have faded a bit since marriage.

All: Plot device.

>Ranma: The married life made you soft? Can't get depressed
>enough for
>a full Shi Shi Houkoudan?

>Ryouga: You got it.

A-kun [Ranma]: Okay, but it better not be a turd.

>Ranma (to Butaga): Pack your things. You're going to be
>living with
>us.

>Ryouga (to Butaga): Don't worry, son. I will visit from >time to time.

Ifurita [Ryouga]: If I don't have to kill Jorgen on the way for peeing on my leg...

Ami [Ryouga]: If that happens I'll probably walk out of your closet or out of a refridgerator.

>Butaga (Voice Over): So, that is how it all began. I was on
>a wild
>ride from here on in. Maybe someday me and Uma will wed
>happily. And
>maybe someday my mom will breed pigs with bird wings.

A-kun: Hey, with genetics these days, that's easy enough.

>----------------------------------------------------------->--------------------

A-kun: OW!  Darn barbed wire.  Definitely have to flame the author for that.

>Butaga (Voice Over): What do you mean I have to go to >public school?
>What? You know the principal? Why is he spouting bad
>Shakespeare?

All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

A-kun: Wait a minute.  He'd have to have been a teacher. If it is the person we think it is.

Ranma: Just think, the original Principal Kuno was actually a teacher at one time.

All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

> Next time on Hear's Uma: First Day Of School. If This Is >School, I Hate To
>See Junkin. Until next time.

>Closing Theme: Hikizuru Koto Keru No Sakebigoe by Aragontie
>Kalmon.
>---------------------------------------------------------->--------------------

>[1] Umasora. Uma=horse. Sora=sky. Keeps the pun of both the
>Tendo and
>the Saotome names. And, yes, the full first name is usually
>reserved
>when the parents are angry at her.

>NoContest time: Anyone tell me the pun behind the new >Hibiki dog?
>Those who answer first and correctly will get a NoPrize.

>Stan: Boy, that was long. Maybe I should take a week before
>doing
>episode 2.

A-kun: But, before starting a week from now, take a few years off...

>(Uma appears and mallets Stan.)

A-kun: BWAHAHAHA!!!  I can control Uma!  BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

>Stan (weakly): ...or maybe not...

>Stanley "Quartzite" Teriaca, who will, eventually do >episode 2.

Ami: Not unless, I, Sailor Mercury, stop you!  In the name of Mercury, I will punish you for making such a cheesy fanfic!

A-kun: Come on guys, let's go.

	[Door 1: The vault door closes after you pass through.]
	[Door 2: You giggle as you run past the Yield sign again.]
	[Door 3: Ifurita is no longer there.  You are clearly disappointed.
	[Door 4: John Agar still isn't there because you vaporized him.  You smile.]
	[Door 5: You are still wondering where the door is.]
	[Door 6: The swizzle-sticks reform as you pass by.]
	[Dogbone.]

A-kun: Not *TOO* bad, but the plot was in need of definite repair.  For one, does Uma know Butaga from before?  Otherwise, how does she know where Akari and Ryouga live?

Ranma: And surely there is some form of modesty in Uma.  Akane would have been sure to add that in Uma.

Ami: And fix some of the more boring jokes.  "Sky Horse"?  "Pig Fang"?  These are worse than some of the injokes in fanfics of Sailor Moon.

Ifurita: And be sure to fix up other continuities, like the Akane/P-chan thing.  Akane would certainly want to see the piglet-descendants of P-chan.  She might possibly want one.

A-kun: And Akane and Akari would definitely NOT just stand by while their husbands officialize their children's engagement.  Such things like this must be cleared up.

Ami: What do you think, sirs?

[DP4]

Dr. Matheus: Interesting, but lame as usual.  Danny, press the button.

\|/
---  FWOO-RRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIICLINKCLUNKCHUNK!
/|\

Ranma 1/2 is copyright of Rumico Takahashi and blah, blah, blah.

Sailor Moon is copyright of Naoko Takauechi and blah, blah, blah.

El Hazard is copyright of blah, blah, blah.

MST 3K is copyright of blah, blah, blah.

-(A knock is herd on the door, and Akari answers it. Uma
steps in.)-

    Source: geocities.com/tokyo/island/3968/MST

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