Reply at akun16@hotmail.com
(Turn off the lights and watch as your screen explodes in
3....2....1....just kidding.)
Hey there, everyone. I'd just like to say that in this
series, I'm only C&Cing and making witty comments. I don't,
in any way, mean offense to any of the authors or
original show Mystery Science Theater 3000, who have spent
hours on end working to make this idea possible to form in
my head.
My anime friends are from these worlds: MST 3K (I have
to use Cambot after all!), Sailor Moon, El Hazard, Ranma
1/2.
Please don't sue me!
Enjoy! ^_^;
(This might be a bit difficult to sing...)
There was a senior in high school named A-kun,
He had two brothers who worked at M.H.I,
One day they brought him in to clean up the place,
But they didn't like the job he did so they shot him into
space...
(Hey! You can't do this! I know people! REAL people!)
(Yeah, but they're the ones paying us to do this!
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)
We'll send him cheesy fanfics,
The worst we can find! (lalala)
He'll have to sit and watch them all
and we'll monitor his mind! (lalala)
Now keep in mind A-kun can't control
where the fanfics begin or end. (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
to summon his anime friends!
Anime Roll Call:
Cambot! (Pan left.)
Ami Mizuno! (Hi there!)
Ifurita! (What is the purpose of this?)
Ranmaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...(I'm DIFFERENT!)
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes,
and other science facts, (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show,
I should really just relax!
For Mystery Anime Theater 2000...
[In space, a giant stapler is floating over Earth. This is
the Satelite of Anime. We enter...]
[There's a brown haired young man who looks like he
really shouldn't be in high school. He turns to Cambot and
us. We note that he's wearing a robe much like Hugh Hefner wears.]
A-kun: Hello, and welcome to Mystery Anime Theater 2000, I'm your host, A-kun. And today, we're looking forward to our latest 'Guest of the Week' that my dear brother, Dr. Matheus, will send us.
[The rest of the MAT 2K crew walks onto the bridge, wearing similiar robes.]
Ami: A-kun, we can't find any other clothes except these!
A-kun: I know, the rest is dirty, it's all in the laundry.
Ifurita: And the MADs are calling.
[A-kun presses the MADs light.]
[Deep Throat 4]
Dr. Matheus: Hello, A-kun. You and your little friends are no doubt waiting for your new friend, hm?
[SOA]
A-kun: Hell no, we're just waiting for someone in the group to find some reason to kill them... OF COURSE WE'RE WAITING FOR HIM/HER!
[DP4]
Dr. Matheus: While we're waiting, I'd just like to share a tidbit of information. I've decided to get married!
[SOA]
All: [O.O]
[DP4]
Danny Boy: Dr. Matheus, the rental agency said they couldn't find Queen Beryl, but they said they'd send whoever they could find.
Dr. Matheus: Oh, for Pete's sake, who are they sending?
Danny Boy: They didn't say.
Dr. Matheus: I HATE surprises!
[The door knocks. Dr. Matheus leaves to answer. There is a long pause.]
Dr. Matheus: [From off screen] Send them the fanfic!
Danny Boy: Okay, if you say so.
[Danny Boy sends the fanfic.]
[SOA]
A-kun: [quickly as the MADs light begins flashing] As a break in our routine, we thought, since we aren't doing any commercials or invention exchanges (Dr. Matheus didn't like the first few, we blew him out of the water), we're going to let you find out how we get to the theater!
All: We've got FANFIC SIGN!!!
[We first follow Ami. She appears in a labrynth and easily finds her way out. Then, she swings across a pit of lava and arrives in the corridor.]
[We then follow Ranma. He appears in a wrestling ring. He battles six guys and beats them. He then pulls out a gun and re-enacts a scene from Indiana Jones (choose your favorite to insert here). Then, he arrives at the corridor.]
[We find ourselves with Ifurita. She finds herself strapped to a rocket. The rockets blasts off from the Satelite of Anime and goes rocketing out into the cosmos. Before it can explode, she teleports, however some soot gets on her. She takes a shower, then walks to the corridor where the other two ACs are patiently waiting A-kun's arrival.]
[A-kun grabs onto a bar which begins to spin around a large pit while descending. He lands in the seat of a tri-wing jet which goes rocketing down a tunnel. Suddenly the jet slows and stops. A mechanical arm reaches down and grabs A-kun's chair. It tosses him down a chute where he lands next to the ACs. They enter the theater.]
[Ifurita enters first, followed by Ami, A-kun and Ranma. They sit in that order.]
>tnekg@aol.com (TnekG)
Ami: What a weird name. I could understand if that MEANT something, but it couldn't possibly mean anything.....right?
> Okay - Mandatory First Post Stuffage:
A-kun: Stuffage?
[Suddenly, the guest commentator joins them. It's Jinnai Katsuhiko.]
Ifurita: YOU?!!?
Jinnai: YOU!?!?!?
A-kun: Knock it off. Just sit down, Jinnai.
Jinnai: [glaring at the Author] And just who are you to be giving the President of the Student Council of Shinonome High School orders?
[A-kun stands up and gains a horrific demonic appearance.]
A-kun: [guttural tone] SIT DOWN NOW!!!
[Jinnai quietly takes a seat. A-kun regains his composure and sits down. Ami and Ranma giggle at Jinnai's folly.]
>This is my first Attempt at a fanfic - I need C&C
>(unfortunately that's comments and criticism not cash and >credit cards)
Ifurita: Actually, by the time the lawsuit gets over, you'll be needing both.
Jinnai: What they don't know, I can always use to hurt them.
>Please send me responses to this at TnekG@aol.com
>(I will respond to flames by emailing you a 12GB server)
All but Jinnai: Huh?
>I also need people who are willing to proofread for me.
[Everyone looks at each other.]
A-kun: Guess that's us.
Jinnai: Speak for yourself, _I_ won't waste any time PROOFREADING for some weirdo I don't even know.
>Ranma 1/2 is the creation of RumiKo Takahashi: My use of >her
>characters is without official permission and is intended >for the non
>profit amusement of other Ranma 1/2 fans out there.
Jinnai: As if anyone could EVER get a chuckle from THAT garbage-ACK!
Ranma [now standing and choking Jinnai]: SAY THAT AGAIN AND I'LL TEAR YOUR FREAKING THROAT OUT!
Jinnai [strained and gutteral]: RIGHT!
[Ranma drops Jinnai and sits down, but continues to glare at him.]
> No Infringement
>of the creators copyright or her authorized publishers or >distributors is
>intended: If you like this stuff go buy the real thing it's >better; and
>the cash will make Viz happy.
Ami: No, they do a disgusting happy dance every time they sell something.
Jinnai: Like Naoko Takeuchi-ACK!
Ami [now strangling Jinnai]: TAKE THAT BACK NOW!!
Jinnai [running out of oxygen and turning blue]: Okay! Naoko's cool...[Ami lets him go]....*GASP*
A-kun: Around here, it's dangerous to insult Ranma 1/2, Sailor Moon, El Hazard or Authors that are considered great.
>Ps. - this is a continuation fic - meant to pick up at the >end of volume
>38 - unfortunately I have only read synopsis's of 38 - my >copy should
>be in about the time pigs learn to fly (And Ranma booting >P-chan
>doesn't count)
Jinnai: That's the one thing I DO like about Ranma 1/2. Ranma kicking that disgusting pig into orbit.
Ranma: Coming from Jinnai, I'm not sure if I should offended or honored.
A-kun: Just be disgusted.
>Quick notes:
>"" - quotes for spoken text.
><<>> - thought bubbles.
>{} - sound effects.
Ami: Sound effects?
Ifurita: BURRITO ALERT!!
[The MAT 2K crew put on clear gas masks. Jinnai watched them with confusion.]
A-kun: [to Jinnai] Aren't you going to put on yours?
Jinnai: Me? Put on that ridiculous thing? Never!
Ami: Your funeral.
>Ranma 1/ 2 -- Actions Speak Louder
Ranma: [O.O] I hope that doesn't mean what I think it does...
> Episode 1 -- The Day After
Ranma: [paling] I _REALLY_ hope that doesn't mean what I think it does....
> The roof tiles of the Tendo Dojo were gleaming with the >last
>rays of sunset.
Ranma: Aw man...[to A-kun] Hey, this thing didn't have a Lemon Warning, did it?
A-kun: Don't know. We were too busy watching you and Ami strangle Jinnai.
Jinnai: HEY! And what does Lemon mean anyway?
Ranma and A-kun [in unison]: Sex.
Jinnai: You....mean........someone's going to be....[makes gestures with his hands. Ifurita and Ami grow disgusted. A-kun and Ranma are disgusted too, but nod.] Oh, goodie!
Ifurita: [to the others] We aren't going to have to see this guy all post-coital and glowing, are we?
[The rest of the MAT 2K crew shiver. Jinnai doesn't hear as he is too busy staring at the screen.]
> Occasionally a tile would ring as it shrank in the
>cooling evening breezes.
All: HUH?!
> It had been an unusually warm spring day
>and promised to be a beautiful night.
Ami: Except for the fact that the tiling is shrinking and ringing.
A-kun: [Soun] KAAAASUUUUMIIIII!!!! I'M STUCK IN THE BATH-TUB AGAIN! AND IT'S MAKING THAT HIDEOUS RINGING SOUND!!
Ifurita: [Kasumi] Oh my, not again.
> Birds called to each other and
>cherry blossoms floated on the breeze. All things >considered it was a
>very romantic evening;
Jinnai: Then that wretched Akane Tendo farts, right? [pause] [to the MAT 2K crew] You aren't going to hit me for that?
Ranma: Riff on Akane all you like. It's when you start attacking one of us or our creators that we'll hurt you.
Jinnai: [gloating and steepling his fingers] [Montgomerey Burns] Excellent...
A-kun: Just don't insult Rei Hino, Ukyou Kuonji or Kasumi Tendo. Those three are off-limits except for us.
> the kind that brings couples together and
>creates memories that last a lifetime; well most couples at >least....
Ami: Ranma and Akane's relationship would probably imitate the Titanic in this sort of scenery.
A-kun: [confused] It would hit an iceberg and si-
Ranma: SHHH!! Do you want to give away the surprise ending for the people who haven't seen it?
A-kun: Oh, right.
> Ranma relaxed on the roof in no mood to enjoy the >romantic
>setting. He had his arms behind his head and was doing his >best to
>ignore the
Jinnai: Whining of that stuck-up, annoying brat of a sister! NANAMI!!!!
> pain from the bruises on his jaw and chest.
>
>"Aw that dumb Akane. Everything was going so well this >morning;
>why couldn't everybody just leave me alone for once? And >why does
>Akane assume that everything that happens is my fault? "
Ami: A) She's an idiot. B) She's just misunderstood.
All: A!
>------Obligatory Flashback #1-------
A-kun: ACK! Caffeine flashback!
> It was morning at the Tendo's (It was in the rest of >Nerima
>too coincidentally);
Ranma: [blink] You mean the rest of the world runs on a DIFFERENT time table?
Ami: Yes, Ranma. Normally, people don't get 256 hours in one day.
Ranma: Hmmmm, that would explain why Dr. Matheus calls more than once a day.
> breakfast had been cleared away and an air of
>solemnity pervaded the living room. Nodaka, Genma and Ranma
All: Nodaka?
Jinnai: Who's that?
Ranma: Don't know.
Ifurita: Actually, I think the author misspelled "Nodoka" as the rest of the sentence includes Saotomes.
A-kun: That or Ranma has a sister in this story.
Jinnai: Or it's crossover into Undocumented Features.... why are you guys staring at me?
>had
>returned as house guests after the wedding fiasco last >weekend.
Ranma: Wedding?
A-kun: Shhh! Do you want to give away the OOC ending?
>Kasumi was hanging up wash outside; Nodaka was helping with >the
> housework.
Ami: Wash? What's that?
Jinnai: What a buffoon. Everyone knows that that's what you do to clothes.
Ami: Yes, but she's hanging Wash.
Ranma: The author probably just forgot the word 'the' in there.
A-kun: Or looks like Xian Pu just lost another relative.
TharzZzDunN: [to Xian Pu] These here ramen noodles are made in New York City!
All: NEW YORK CITY!?!?!?!
Ranma: [growling] Get a rope.
> Ranma and Akane were at the table with their fathers.
>Nabiki was lying on the floor going over the family books.
>After taking a deep breath Soun Tendo began to speak.
Jinnai: As Akane lets one rip.
A-kun: Maybe Jinnai ain't so bad.
>"Akane, Ranma. After the disaster this weekend we cannot >afford to
>have another wedding
Ami: [Genma] At all. Ranma, you've been engaged to the entire Sailor Senshi (the REAL scouts, not Chibi-Usa or the Star Fighters) and eight other Anime women.
Ranma: [Ranma] DAD!!
> soon. Also there is the matter of Ranma's other
>suitors."
A-kun: Maybe you should have dealt with them FIRST!
>"Humph, its all your fault Ranma.."
Ifurita: Why do authors insist on recycling dialogue?
A-kun: It's too expensive to make their own?
Ranma: It's too difficult to make their own?
Ami: I think it's because they want to establish the fact that the characters are intended to be IC, rather than OOC.
>"Hey I didn't invite that entire circus here.."
Jinnai: [Ranma] Besides, if I had, I would've had them take that damn panda away.
Ranma: You know, I'm beginning to like him. Maybe he'll survive.
A-kun: Naw, he'll screw up. [prophetic voice] The stars see all....and make great pudding.
TharzZzDunN: [Yoda] Mmm, much you have learned about picking up women. Put to the final test shall you be. Date with Tsubasa must you!
>"Baka - what did you expect to happen.."
>"Hey tomboy you were mixing it up with the rest of them!"
Ranma: [Ranma] You just HAD to throw Kodachi's alligator into the blender, didn't you?
TharzZzDunN: Oh waiter, there's a collar in my soup, it has a name written upon it, hmm Midorigam- *BZZZZZAAAAAAAAAPPPP*!!!!!!! Whew, anyone got a cigarette?
>"ENOUGH! Ranma, Akane; for now the game is in overtime.
All: SUDDEN _DEATH_ OVERTIME!!
> You must work
>to resolve some of the conflicts in your lives-
Ranma: Right, dad, I'm disowning you. Mom, you're free to date. Soun, Akane, go bugger off. Kasumi, go to college. Nabiki...............can't think of anything.
Jinnai: [Genma] Woo-HOO! It's naked time!
Ifurita: Brrr! That's disgusting! [Grabs Jinnai and runs out of the theater.]
A-kun: [to Ranma] You owe me five bucks.
[Ranma grumbles and pulls out five bucks.]
> as your family it is
>our duty to make sure you do this. You are honor bound to >be married
Ami: So are all the other fiancees.
>and to carry on the school of anything goes martial arts;
>As your
>fathers we will make sure you do this even at the cost of >our very
>lives!"
All: Genma has already given up on his honor, so his life is useless to promise.
>Genma looked surprised at Soun's vehemence; he seemed to >be concerned
>about the bit about paying with their lives - it sounded >too much like
>his promise to Nodaka for his comfort.
A-kun: [darkly] Good, maybe Soun'll kill him.
>Nodaka leaned in from the kitchen.
Ami: [darkly] Maybe Nodoka can fix this by killing Genma.
>"Besides you two - we'll only be staying here for a short >time for
>Ranma to finish the school year and to have our house >prepared.
Ranma: So.....we're dining on my house?
A-kun: I think the author means 'repaired'. Maybe there was some water damage.
> Then
>we'll be moving out and you won't see each other very much,
All: GOOD!
>unless you
>put a lot of effort into it.
[Ifurita re-enters the theater.]
All: NO!
> You should make the most of this time."
Ranma: Don't worry, Mom. I'll squander it as much as I can.
A-kun: How come Nodoka doesn't mention/know about the other fiancees?
Ami: Genma would be dead if she did.
> Akane had a strange unreadable look on her face - as >did Ranma
>-
A-kun: Hey! I can read their looks. Akane reads, "Oh, I better tell him that it was me that ate his fancy soaps that he bought for the bathroom.". Ranma's read, "I'd rather commit Seppuku than marry that ungrateful, stubborn, idiotic buffoon.".
Ami: How do you know what their faces read?
A-kun: I took Look Reading 101 while I was in High School.
> it was obvious that they both felt strongly about this >subject.
Ranma: Yeah, I'm revolted.
Ami: And Akane's ready to vomit.
>Neither said anything - which architecturally and medically >speaking
>was probably best.
Ranma: I'd rather take the hits now and get it over with then let this fester into a horrible and unescapeable marriage that will result in a bitter divorce.
> Genma seemed to get a bright idea, but for once
>kept it to himself and merely began smiling like a cat at a
>dogcatcher's convention.
A-kun: Dogcatchers also act as catcatchers, birdcatchers, dolphincatchers, alligatorscatchers and Metscatchers. So, Genma is wetting himself.
>"Shouldn't you two get to school?"
Ami: They didn't think of doing this later, you know, so the two can spend so time late at night to think about this? Remember, if one or the other decides to ignore it, they'll forget by nightfall and will sleep comfortably.
A-kun: Happened to me in my arranged marriage.
Ranma: [shocked] You had an arranged marriage?
A-kun: No, I'm just lying my ass off.
> Nodding in relief the young couple didn't argue the >point at
>all;
Ranma: [frowning] Of course. We'd just wind up later than usual.
Ami: You don't mind the 'Young Couple' remark?
Ranma: 'Young Couple'.....[growling] Author, run.
> but instead merely picked up their school bags and making >their
>good-byes rushed off to school.
A-kun: Won't that just make you late? I mean constructing 'Good-Byes' takes a while, even for Hallmark.
> As they passed through the Dojo gates
>Ranma pulled Akane aside.
Ami: [Ranma] Akane, I know about your passing gas, so I've come on behalf both our parents to tell you to stop eating those burritos.
>"Akane there's something I need to say.."
Ranma: [Ranma] I think we should party with our friends. On opposite sides of town.
>"Yes Ranma? This isn't anything weird is it?"
A-kun: YEESH! And Akane complains that RANMA is the insensitive one....okay, OUR Ranma is occasionally, but not the one in the story.
>"No you kawai-Arg! Just listen for a second this isn't easy >for me OK!"
Ifurita: [Ranma] I've decided to model for Nabiki's Cheesecake Photos and make a fortune. Oh, and we're having a torrid love affair.
A-kun: [Akane] PHOTOS?!!
> Akane looked a little steamed but held back any >comments she
>might have had.
Ifurita: [snorts] As if THAT'S possible.
> She was however reaching behind her back somewhat
>suspiciously.
Ranma: Uh-oh. Definite signs of her Angel Mallet.
Ami: Angel Mallet? I would've thought Demon Mallet.
Ranma: No, 'Angel' as in the 'Angels' in Neon Genesis Evangelion.
>"Akane, I didn't have a chance to say anything after the w- >w- you
>know. But I've been thinking and I want to say .."
Ranma: [Ranma] You're moronic, a tightwad, buffoonish, ungrateful, stupid, idiotic, and stubborn.
A-kun: What's different from the usual?
Ranma: You'll note that I added 'tightwad'.
A-kun: Ah.
>"Yes?"
>
>"Um - - thank you.
All: [O.O] HUH?!?!?
> You were willing to get stuck with me just so
>I would have a chance at a cure for my curse.
Ami: May I note that Akane got kidnapped, nearly drowned and almost got everyone KILLED in the final episodes of Ranma 1/2.
> Even though the whole
>thing was a disaster; I appreciate what you were trying to >do."
>
>"Ranma... you're welcome."
Ranma: [Ranma] Akane, by the way, you DID know I was just BSing you, right?
>"The next time I see Happosai he dies though!"
All: We agree.
> Akane smiled a little.
Ranma: [Ranma] Akane, stop that. You look ridiculous smiling with that lamp shade on your head and with that drunken look on your face.
>"I'll be glad to help Ranma, the old hentai made a huge >mess.
Ami: [Akane] Almost as much as I do punting you through the roof.
> It was
>sure nice to see Ryoga so upset about you loosing your >chance at a
>cure. He must like you a lot more than he'll admit"
Ifurita: Yeah, there are a few hundred lemons to show that.
Ranma: IFURITA!!!
>"Uh yah, that was rather nice of him." Ranma said in the >best deadpan
>he could muster.
Ranma: Yeah, I wanted to say thanks, but Ryouga wandered off.
> Akane was grimacing again.
>"And Ukyou and Shampoo. They had no business throwing bombs >around
>like that!
A-kun: And thus why it's the OOC ending. Come on, as violent as Ukyou has gotten, she's never used ACTUAL bombs, okay? Maybe a cloud of flour to distract people, and there was that gunpowder in that mix that one time, but that was because she was displacing her anger from Genma onto Ranma.
> Dad or your parents could have been hurt! Or Kasumi and
>Nabiki! A lot of the wedding guests weren't martial >artists; there
>could have been people killed!"
Ranma: Are you kidding? Anyone who enters Nerima is automatically classified as a target and can be and WILL be injured, smacked, beaten to a pulp and heckled. With the exception of Kasumi.
A-kun: Didn't we make counterings to something similiar to this in another MST? I believe 'Scoop of the Day'.
Ranma: Yeah, but that was saying that just because someone has some martial arts training, they are automatically a Martial Artist.
> Akane really had her steam up now.
All: [?O_O?] HUH??!?!?!
>"And KODACHI!! IF THERES ONE PERSON I COULD GO MY WHOLE >LIFE WITHOUT
>EVER SEEING AGAIN ITS KODACHI! I'D LIKE TO TIE HER UP IN >HER OWN
>RIBBONS AND TOSS HER IN THE SEA OF JAPAN!!!!"
Ami: Um, obsess much?
>"Um yeah Akane.. heh well shouldn't we get going? We've >been out of
>school for a while now.. Wouldn't do to be late"
Ranma: Should've thought of that BEFORE I took her aside.
> Ranma grabbed Akane by the hand and started running >towards
>the high school. It wasn't that he was worried about being >late
>really; but letting Akane get worked up when he was the >only
>convenient target was more or less a guaranteed way of >ensuring a
>visit to Tofu-Sensei. Surprisingly Akane didn't pull away >or yell at
>him.
All: That _IS_ surprising.
> She just began running like she also was worried about >getting to
>school on time. She didn't take her hand from Ranma's >though; and
>something that looked suspiciously like a smile was stuck >on her face.
A-kun: BRRRRR!! TSUBASA! STOP THAT!!
ACs: HUH?!!?!
A-kun: Tsubasa pulls off the disguise of a lifetime.
> As they approached Furinkan High School they slowed >down and
>reflexively straightened their clothes
Ifurita: As they had been mating like rabbits.
> and took a half step away from
>each other.
Ranma: Betcha Shampoo will show up. Authors always pick her.
A-kun: To get her out of the way.
>"Nihao!!!!!"
Ranma: Told ya! That's five bucks that you owe me, A-kun.
[A-kun grumbles and hands Ranma back his five dollars.]
> Shampoo's bicycle landed on the fence with a screech.
Ami: Actually, shouldn't that throw her off the fence?
>She
>looked confused for a moment as she realized she had not >done her
>usual 'good-morning' style faceplant on Ranma.
Ifurita: SEE?! Shampoo DOES hate Ranma!
Ami: Nice pet theory, but next time, try telling everyone before trying to pass it off.
>"Husband not feeling well? Why you no say hello to >Shampoo?"
A-kun: [frowning] You want him to say [Ranma] SHAMPOO!! YOU'LL MAKE ME LATE FOR SCHOOL!
>"Er.. Shampoo.." Ranma was at a loss for words. After all >this lovely
>young woman had been trying to kill him only yesterday.
Ranma: Yeah, you'd think that Shampoo would be nervous about approaching me. You know, I might want to KILL her. Or that I'd blast her to the far side of Tokyo. After all, as screwed up as things are, Shampoo almost killed my mom.
> Akane had developed a nervous twitch in one eyebrow and >was
>headed for meltdown.
Ranma: As was I. Or I SHOULD HAVE BEEN!
> Upon sighting Shampoo her battle aura had lit up
>like a solar flare in a fireworks factory.
Ami: Then she'd be re-enacting Chernobyl AND Bikini Atoll right about now.
>"Shampoo so happy to see airen! Ranma want very special >ramen Shampoo
>make for him?"
Ranma: [Ranma] Shampoo, not to be mean or anything, BUT WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO AT NIGHT THAT WOULD WIPE YOUR FRIGGIN' MEMORY?!?! YOU NEARLY KILLED MY MOTHER, YOU AIRHEADED MORON!!!
>"Shampoo what do you think you're doing?"
Ifurita: I'm always amazed at the way that Ranma always seems to ask this question even though he knows the answer.
> Ranma unfortunately could not see Akane behind him; and >in his
>usual oblivious manner was totally blind
A-kun: That's another thing I wanna know. Ranma's no doubt developed a 'Akane Danger Sense' by now that works whether he's awake or not.
> to the dangerous atmosphere
>building around him. Perhaps as a side effect of the fact >that their
>families were the only ones to practice the 'Anything goes' >form of
>martial arts Ranma had found that ever since he and Akane >had started
>sparring together that he did not feel danger when she was >about to
>perform an act of violence upon him.
Ranma: More like a Plot Device. I'd KNOW about her attack at least thirty seconds before she launches it.
> Perhaps this was indicative of
>some deeper level of feeling of understanding; perhaps it >was a sign
>that he chronically underestimated her; perhaps he loved >her so much
>that
Ranma: The author was full of BULL-$#!+!!!!!
> she was a blind spot for him - a weakness in his fighting >style.
>Or maybe he was just stupid. At any rate
A-kun: The author has earned a death sentence.
[Jinnai staggers into the room.]
Jinnai: [surprised] I survive ten minutes in vacuum. A record, right?
A-kun: Minus a space suit and a lifeline? Yeah.
Jinnai: Gooooood [Jinnai fades into another dimension, ala. Americanized Dragon Ball Z.]
> Ranma was now at one of those
>cruxes that occurs for men in general (and Ranma in >particular) the
>lower instincts of his body were waging all out war on the >higher
>instincts of intellect and honor. Had Ranma been the type >that thought
>before acting he would probably have begun rebuking Shampoo >for her
>callous attack on his wedding ceremony-
Ranma: And if the author didn't make me into a nice, intellegent, sensitive guy, then transformed me into a slow, moronic, insensitive TWIT, I would've been doing just that.
> even if he had not been
>entirely ready to get married explosives are not a welcome >wedding
>present.
Ifurita: And Ranma is one who yells insults first and apologizes later. He'd be spewing out such vile oaths at Shampoo that even people in the Tokyos of other dimensions would be blushing furiously.
> And had his honorable nature won his first thought would >have
>been that Akane could have been hurt. As strongly as he >felt about
>that he should have turned his back on Shampoo if not >attacking her.
A-kun: That's okay, Ranma can always change into a girl and then pummel the living crap out of her.
Ami: [Frowning] Ranma isn't THAT cruel.
A-kun: The Viz one was. After all, he was going to do that so he could beat up Ling Ling and Lung Lung.
>But unfortunately at that moment a stray breeze chose to >carry the
>smell of the dish to him.
Ranma: And I've already eaten, so this would be a mout point. Besides, I'm ready to scold her. I'm not like my father who gets distracted.
>"Hey that smells pretty good.."
A-kun: Yeah, I love the smell of Toxic Sewer water in the morning too. NOT!!
>"Ranma NO BAKA!!!!"
Ami: And Akane doesn't even THINK of attacking Shampoo for tempting Ranma, attacking her family, ruining a wedding that probably cost a few thousand yen and her family honor.
A-kun: Are you kidding? The author has been building up to this for the last eighteen ranting paragraphs.
> Akane's hammer smashed Ranma through the chainlink >fence and
>into the ditch beyond. Shampoo and her bicycle toppled into >the water
>after him.
Ami: And the bowl? I guess the shattered glass just obligingly went downstream?
> Ranma-chan rapidly surfaced followed by Shampoo-neko and
>proceeded to violate the laws of gravity, hydrodynamics and >at least
>two major religions by levitating to the surface of the >water and
>tearing off into the streets of Nerima.
Ifurita: If this is an attempt to be funny, it's failed. You can't have a serious rant, then break into a hilarious scenario by using such a predictable plot device.
>"BAKA.. baka, baka, baka..."
[The MAT 2K crew look around.]
A-kun: Who's speaking?
> Akane strode off to school her mood considerably worse >than it
>had been only moments before.
All: GOOD!
> After a moment's thought she followed
>the trail of destruction to where it inevitably ended - >with
>Ranma-chan imbedded in a wall. Shampoo-neko was unconscious >on the
>ground next to her.
Ifurita: I know _I'm_ invincible, but a cat's body had it's limits.
> Akane grabbed Ranma-chan by the scruff of the neck
>and marched toward Tofu-sensei's clinic.
Ami: You know, I thought she strode off to school.
A-kun: Don't bother trying to clear it up, Ami.
> At the clinic Akane set some water on to warm while Dr. >Tofu
>examined Ranma.
Ifurita: [Dr. Tofu] He's dead, Jim.
A-kun: [Akane] Who's Jim?
>"Hmm. Akane how are you doing today?" Dr. Tofu sounded >genuinely
>concerned about something.
Ranma: Yeah. I know my nearly fatal injuries are probably standard, but you know, now that he's concerned about Akane, I just wanna KILL THE FRIGGIN' AUTHOR!!
> "After having a wedding broken up like that
>most people would still be in shock. After all a very >important day
>for you was ruined. If you feel you need to talk about it >or do
>something you probably should."
Ami: [Ranma] Yeah, just forget about me and talk about Akane while I die.
> Dr. Tofu turned to Akane and encouraged her to speak >giving
>her his full attention.
A-kun: I'm sorry, but this is too stupid and blatantly made to make Ranma into a jerk while highlighting Akane.
Ifurita: You're right. Who wants to kill this fanfic?
Ami and Ranma: [in unison] OOH! OOH!! MEE!! ME! ME! ME!
A-kun: I know, BOTH of you can kill it.
Ami and Ranma: YAY!
Ami: ULTIMATE MERCURY POWER, MAKE UP!!
Ranma: SUPER-HUMAN RANMA! STAGE SIXTY-FIVE!!
[Ranma changes into Super-Human Ranma while Ami becomes Ultimate Sailor Mercury.]
Super-Human Ranma: SUPER-HUMAN RANMA-
Ultimate Sailor Mercury: ULTIMATE SAILOR MERCURY-
Super-Human Ranma and Ultimate Sailor Mercury: FANFIC DESTROYER!!!
[*KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*]
Ranma and Ami: It's still alive!!!
A-kun and Ifurita: You two know NOTHING about destroying a fanfic.
>"I don't know Dr. Tofu - I was so angry when it happened; >but so much
Ami: Gas has been passed.
A-kun: If we're only going to be making cheap shots, we should just destroy it now. Ifurita, shall we?
Ifurita: Let's.
[A-kun powers up to Super-Saiyan A-kun. Ifurita powers up to Ifurita, Demon-Goddess First Class, Unlimited.]
Super Saiyan A-kun and Ifurita, Demon-Goddess First Class, Unlimited: [In unison] HIDEOUSLY BORING FANFIC DESTROYER!!
[KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!]
Ifurita: See?
Ami and Ranma: Aaah!
A-kun: All righty then, let's go.
[The MAT 2K crew steps into a telepod and *POOF*, they're back on the bridge.]
A-kun: Well, I hope you liked this MATing of this story.
Ifurita: Not bad in spelling.
Ranma: Few grammar errors.
Ami: Punctuation was all right.
A-kun: The problem? Lame plot. I could see where this was going before I got past the first paragraph.
All: Yeah.
A-kun: But, otherwise, a nice piece of work. What do you think, sirs?
[Deep Throat 4]
Dr. Matheus: Grrrrr! I've got to put a stop to his blantant destruction of the fanfics! Danny Boy! Press the button!
Danny Boy: Yes, Dr. Matheus. How come I've got so few lines?
\|/
--- POP-TINK-CLINK-SMASH-CLUNK-THUNK-PING-FWOOOOOOOSH!
/|\
Ranma 1/2 is property of Rumiko Takahashi.
Sailor Moon is property of Naoko Takeuchi.
El Hazard belongs to someone and is therefore his or her property.
The fanfic belongs to the author.
The character A-kun belongs to me.
- Genma seemed to get a bright idea, but for once
kept it to himself and merely began smiling like a cat at a
dogcatcher's convention.-
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