Reply at akun16@hotmail.com
(Turn off the lights and watch as your screen explodes in
3....2....1....just kidding.)
Hey there, everyone. I'd just like to say that in this
series, I'm only C&Cing and making witty comments. I don't,
in any way, mean offense to any of the authors or
original show Mystery Science Theater 3000, who have spent
hours on end working to make this idea possible to form in
my head.
My anime friends are from these worlds: MST 3K (I have
to use Cambot after all!), Sailor Moon, El Hazard, Ranma
1/2.
Please don't sue me!
Enjoy! ^_^;
(This might be a bit difficult to sing...)
There was a senior in high school named A-kun,
He had two brothers who worked at M.H.I,
One day they brought him in to clean up the place,
But they didn't like the job he did so they shot him into
space...
(Hey! You can't do this! I know people! REAL people!)
(Yeah, but they're the ones paying us to do this!
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)
We'll send him cheesy fanfics,
The worst we can find! (lalala)
He'll have to sit and watch them all
and we'll monitor his mind! (lalala)
Now keep in mind A-kun can't control
where the fanfics begin or end. (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
to summon his anime friends!
Anime Roll Call:
Cambot! (Pan left.)
Ami Mizuno! (Hi there!)
Ifurita! (What is the purpose of this?)
Ranmaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...(I'm DIFFERENT!)
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes,
and other science facts, (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show,
I should really just relax!
For Mystery Anime Theater 2000...
[In space, a giant stapler is floating over Earth. This is
the Satelite of Anime. We enter...]
[There's a brown haired young man who looks like he
really shouldn't be in high school. He turns to Cambot and
us.]
A-kun: Hey there! Recently, my brother informed us that he was getting married! And you won't believe to who! It's Ms. Hinako! He made it so she's ALWAYS an adult. Anyway, Ami, Ranma and Ifurita found out who Dr. Matheus was marrying and fainted dead on the spot.
[The MADs light begins flashing as the ACs pull themselves off the floor.]
[Deep Throat 4]
Dr. Matheus: Oh, A-kun, isn't love GRAND? I won't torture you with my AWESOMELY cool inventions until AFTER I get married. However, this doesn't mean I'm done with you and the experiment. You're getting Centipede by Jeff Rutsch. Enjoy.
[Satelite of Love]
A-kun: Hey, the opening sequence is getting shorter.
Ranma: Does it matter?
[The sirens go off and the flashing begin flashing.]
All: WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!!
[The MAT 2K crew race to their access ports. The dogbone door opens and Cambot and you float in.]
[Door 6: Some jerk has blocked the passage with ice. You call Rydia and ask her to cast Fire. It takes a little persuasion, but she eventually does it.]
[Door 0: Some jerk accidentally renumbered the door. You walk through, grumbling a bit.]
[Door 4: It's a bunch of bombs. You wind them up and toss them at King Koopa.]
[Door 3: It's a shower curtain. You pull it back to see Ryouga Hibiki showering. The fans of Ryouga climb in while the rest of us walk on, shaking our heads.]
[Door 2: It's Jinnai Katsuhiko. You pull out a kick-ass sledge hammer and beat the crap out of him just for being who he is.]
[Door 1: It's a vault door that opens for you.]
[Ifurita enters first, followed by Ami, A-kun and Ranma. They sit in that order.]
>From: jdrutsch@ucdavis.edu (Jeffrey Rutsch)
Ranma: I do NOT see Davis. I see Jeffery Rutsch, but not Davis.
>Centipede
Ami: They crush it under their foot. The end.
>by: Jeff Rutsch
A-kun: Ruts with a slur.
> Ranma and Akane sat at the water,
All:........the hell?!
Ifurita: What kind of water and where the f-word is it?
> depressed.
Ranma: Then we should go elsewhere if we're only getting depressed here.
>"So...you're saying...I'm your best friend?"
Ifurita: Who's speaking?
Ami: Fanfic? Helloooo, fanfic?
A-kun: Yo, Jeff. Who's speaking?
> Ranma, though, didn't see
>how it's done.
Ranma: What?! Of course I do. I've read about tuning engine parts before.
> Akane picked up her broom and smoothed over the entire
>garden, of course in no small way irritating Ranma.
Ranma: Of course I'm not irritated in a small way. I'm not irritated at all. The garden's only 1 foot by 2 feet.
>"What are you going to do for the temple?",
A-kun: Who's speaking?
[The ACs shrug.]
> he shrieked,
Ami: [Ranma] EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeek!! A SPIDER!!!
Ranma: Great, I'm the Incredible WUSS!
> her lengthening
>hair tied back with a cool ribbon.
Ifurita: That ribbon! It's so COOOL!!!
Ami: Yeah, her head is stuck in a chunk of ice.
> Akane turned with a jerk.
A-kun: WOW! You mean Pantyhose Tarou is here?
Ifurita: No, it's Herb!
Ami: You guys are blind. It's obviously Saffron.
Ranma: No, wait. What if it's that Copy-Cat Ken or that other dork who tried to impersonate me? John Walter Bil-uh, someone un-named, yeah.....
>"S...sorry? Did you say you were sorry?"
Ami: Nope. Nothing was said.
>"Yeah, sorry. What's the big deal? Ain't like I never said >sorry
>before..."
Ranma: Yeah, not to HER per se, but I HAVE said sorry before...
> Big rock is like the main drop.
Ami: Huh? What the hell is happening?
[A-kun, Ranma and Ifurita shrug.]
> It absorbs and consumes
Ifurita: A donut?
Ranma: A banquet?
A-kun: A five hundred pound main drop, whatever the hell that is.
Ami: A cat?
> the
>ripples that are created.
A-kun: [shivering] This remind me of Edward Albee's works. Confusing, strange, with no point and everything of interest is left out.
Ami: Don't forget "without shame".
> It's just raking the garden for you, where
>everything goes just how it is supposed to be.
Ifurita: I'm not getting anything here.
>Ranma took the rake from Akane and followed the lines,
Ranma: SEE?! I _CAN_ color within the lines!
>capturing the
>eddies and the small rock.
Ami: Eddies? The small rock? What the hell is going on and what the hell does this friggin' garden look like?!?!?
> "What do you mean? It's you."
Ranma: ...who's making that smell.
> Ranma took the
>rake from Akane and followed the lines, capturing the >eddies and the
>ripples emanating between the large rock and the ripples of >the smaller
>drops.
Ami: ?O_o?
Ranma: ?o_O?
Ifurita: ?O_O?
A-kun: ?X_X?
>"What do you like about it?" It's...it is beautiful!"
Ranma: Who's saying what?
Ami: I don't know...
Ifurita: I don't think a Cray supercomputer could figure out what's going on.
A-kun: I don't think the God of Logic could figure it out. Or the Gods of Madness for that fact.
TharzZzDunN: [Appears from a picture window] Or the Gods of Tuna Fish or El Hazard. There once was a woman who married a man named Enis- [Disappears into a vat of bacon.]
>"Why? It's just a bunch of sand and rocks!"
Ranma: Uh? HEY! I thought this was a GARDEN!
A-kun: You can have a rock garden, too, Ranma.
>Akane muttered a disgusted "baka" and went back to a >thousand years work.
All: ???;O.O;???
Ranma: Am I an immortal?
Ifurita: Wait! Maybe it's a musical!
TharzZzDunN: [Appears from a brain fart] [singing (we think)] %The HILLS are alive with the sound of a Thousand years work!% [disappears into a cat box.]
>"You know, perhaps..." the old man took a seat nearby.
[Ranma makes a fart noise.]
Ifurita: Ranma, I don't think that old man is Genma.
A-kun: I wonder where the spoken sentence ends and the action sentence begins.
Ami: I wonder if there's any need for the quotations.
> I had no idea. I mean, I thought it was raked with >flair, although
>Ranma didn't answer, but kept on looking at the grooves of >the sand. Or
>the rocks, either.
All: Heeelllloooooooooo! FANFIC!!
A-kun: Get your ass down here right now and explain this, Jeff!
[Jeff Rutsch flies past one of the windows.]
>"What do you mean?"
A-kun: This! This, this, this, this! The entire fanfic! It's making Ifurita's logic circuits fry out.
>"Well, look here." (Akane's circles in the sand garden.)
Ami: O_o
A-kun: o_O
Ifurita: X_X
Ranma: o_o
>"Your work is substandard!" says the priest, "Take pride in >what you
>mean..."
Ami: Uh?
A-kun: OH KAMI-SAMA!! EDWARD ALBEE'S ONLINE NAME IS JEFFERY RUTSCH!
All: [in pure terror] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!
TharzZzDunN: [appears from the spider web in the corner] You know, he's right. If you don't take pride in your work, the best you can ever hope to be is the judge at a Mister Tight-Buns competition. [leaves into a packet of powdered gravy]
>"It's easier to see when you're busy making other plans."
A-kun: MAKE IT STOP!!!
[A-kun's head explodes.]
Ami: Hey, they killed A-kun!
Ranma: YOU BASTARDS!!
TharzZzDunN: [he's just there] Hey, I found Kenny. He's alive and well (Screams echo from somewhere) Um, gotta get back to the Price is Right! [Disappers into the Legendary Master Sword]
>"Where's that from?"
Ifurita: [pupils shrinking] I-
>"From me."
Ifurita: -am-
>"I overheard the priest to get back to work." Ranma looked >down at her
Ranma: Naked body? Butcher's knife? ANYTHING!!
Ifurita: -so pissed-
>raking, but it was the same fish, although it has gotten
Ifurita: -off right now. I-am-going-to-destroy-this-fanfic.
>fatter, and its
>scales have lost much of their luster.
Ami: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
[Ami passes out from lack of understanding.]
>"That's incredible."
Ranma: [o.o] Oh the horror....
>The old man took a seat nearby. "I thought we might make >tea for
>visitors."
[Ranma collaspes into spasms. Ifurita stands up and powers up to her super-secret-never-before-known-power-level-cause-she's-really-pissed-off stage.]
>Ranma gave Akane a that's-not-funny look.
Ifurita: This fanfic is a dark and stupid place. Beyond reason. Beyond intellegible thought. Ul-
>Akane paused. "When I rake, I try to imagine that the fish
>could live so
>long, when you just take care in cleaning the pond. But I >always see the
>fish at the pond."
Ifurita: -ti-
>"Those fish mean a great deal to you, then?" asked Ranma. >The old man
>laughed.
Ifurita: -MA!!!
*KAAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
Ami: Mommy? Is the bad fanfic gone?
Ifurita: I'm not your mommy, but yes, it's gone.
[Ranma and Ami come out from where they had been thrown when the fanfic exploded. A-kun's head regrows.]
A-kun: [standing up with fury in his eyes] Must destroy RAAC, Must destroy RAAC [watch beeps] Oooh, lunch time.
>FIN
A-kun: On a shark.
>**
Ranma: This thing rated two stars?!?!?
A-kun: Yeah, that's when you get liquored up so much that you can't even comprehend letters.
>^_^
[The MAT 2K crew is not smiling.]
>Well, if you read this far...This is a old story I wrote, >but I couldn't
>decide what to do with it.
Ranma: Run it through a paper shredder?
Ami: Burn it?
Ifurita: Leave a powerful magnet on your hard drive?
A-kun: Stab it through the heart with a wooden stake?
> And I've always thought this would be fun. I
>kinda like it, to tell the truth, so what the hell.
[The MAT 2K crew frowns deeply.]
>If you have anything to say, I'd appreciate a reply:
>jdrutsch@ucdavis.edu
A-kun: Put the guns down.
[The ACs grumble and put down their weapons.]
A-kun: A flame will be all that's necessary. One THE SIZE OF THE SUN!!!
>--
>****jdrutsch@ucdavis.edu***********************Jeff >Rutsch*****************
>"Qawwali is intimately connected to the Sufi mystics' >efforts to draw
>closer to God. In these ballads, the melodies and rhythms >combine to
>assist the listener in their attempts to reach a higher >plane of unity
>with Allah." -Liner Notes, Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan
>**^_^***.daed si luaP**^_^**Bird Lives**^_^**Ranma Loves >Akane**^_^****^_^*
Ami: How f#$ked up is this guy?
Ranma, Ifurita and A-kun: VERY!
A-kun: Let's go.
Ranma: You're still going to destroy the RAAC, right?
A-kun: You bet.
[Door 1: It's a vault door that closes behind you.]
[Door 2: It USED to be Jinnai, but he's paste now.]
[Door 3: The bombs explode.]
[Door 4: The fans of Ryouga are still in the shower with him.]
[Door 0: The door's number still hasn't been fixed.]
[Door 6: The ice reforms.]
[Stapler.]
A-kun: That's odd. I could've sworn that was a dogbone. Oh well. Okay, this is the part where we have to say what we liked about the fanfic.
Ami: Ummm, it was a nice try.
Ranma: Ummm, it used two Ranma 1/2 characters?
Ifurita: It had punctuation?
A-kun: And it had words. There. That should do.
[DP4]
Dr. Matheus: Brrrr, I'm switching to fanfics off personal pages from now on. But, first, I have to unload all these fanfics I grabbed off the RAAC. BWHAHAHAA!! Push the button, Danny Boy!
Danny Boy: Right, Dr. Matheus. Why do I only get bits parts?
\|/
--- FWOOOOOOOOOOO-PLIIIIIINK-GRRRRRRR-FLUMP!
/|\
All stories are property of their respective creators and so on and so forth. All opinions shown in this fanfic are mine and mine alone. All flame wars begun or ended because of this MST are NOT my fault. So there!
A-kun, signing off.
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