[The Living Room of Viewing.  A-kun, ????? and Gillberg are sitting in their normal seats.  Reiko from Devil Hunter Yohko is sitting in the final seat.  Gillberg seems to be shocked at something A-kun has just declared.]

Gillberg: You've become what?

A-kun: Hardcore.  No more puking, hiding or screaming.  No mercy for bad fanfics.

	[Quick Introduction: Reiko is from the first Devil Hunter Yohko video.  She has pale skin, black hair and was later turned into a vessel for a great demon.  To find out more about her and Yohko, go to the Anipike at http://www.anipike.com/.]
	[Quick Introduction #2: Gillberg is a tentacle beast turned priest turned Arch-demon.  He's currently on lease for anyone to hire on and is a relatively nice guy for being a creature of Hell.  A-kun is a fanfiction author.  ????? is also a fanfiction author and is known for having purple hair.]

?????: Well, I just hope you can choke down this fanfic.

A-kun: Who chose it anyway?

Gillberg: Well, Reiko did, actually.

Reiko: Well, I heard there was another Devil Hunter Yohko lemon on the internet, so I looked around this one site and found this.  And since Gillberg invited me, I decided to bring it along.

?????: So how did you two meet?

Gillberg: Well, we were formally introduced by Tokima, but he was a dink, so we ditched him.

Reiko: Plus he's been trying to get out of paying me the three souls he owes me.

>	SNAKES

A-kun: [Barney Gumbel] SNAKES!  SNAKES!  THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!

Gillberg: [Lenny] Practicing for Whacking Day?

A-kun: [Barney Gumbel] What's "Whacking Day"?

?????: The Simpson Sketch, everyone.

>	by  Majun Gotenks

?????: Betcha Majin Buu could kick his butt.

A-kun: Yeah, but Majin Buu could stomp quite a few butts, remember?

>	--- 

Reiko: Traffic along Highway 35 will be light and easy for once, instead of clogged and heavy due to road construction.

Gillberg: [singing] %To dream the impossible dreaaaaam!%

>      Jen was seventeen years old,

?????: Wow!  No spelling errors yet!

Reiko: Unless he misspelled Jen or his own name or his e-mail address.

TharzZzDunN: [Jen] I was a freshman at a midwestern college... the nuns gave us paddlings everyday and told us to beware of the peasant.

> with long light brown hair falling to the small of her back.

A-kun: [Jen] Raditz from DBZ has NOTHING on me!  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  My back hair will be the size of Nappa when I'm done!  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

> Her Asian background showed in her sexy body,

????? and Reiko: [so miffed, they're talking in unison] Are you saying that you have to be Asian to be sexy?!

> her breasts considerably big for her small, lithe form.

Gillberg: And we have rape-victim.

A-kun: How can you tell?

Gillberg: In lemons, the more a specific characteristic is amplified, like the bigger boobs of the character first shown, the more likely they'll be raped.  Besides, he's giving her age first.

Reiko: Yeah, creepy, isn't it?  I remember when I was brought into the principal's office.  Then everything went blank until I saw Yohko again.

	[The trio of regulars decide to just ignore Reiko's comment.]

> She was a lot like her mother, and her older sister, Sandra, who was also similar looking.

?????: That's all nice and well, but what's her mother's name?

Gillberg: Also starring Miss Not-appearing-in-this-fanfic, who also looked like Jen.

>      At the moment, Jen was walking along the sidewalk, totally content with herself.

Gillberg: Having boffed the entire football, soccer, swim and basketball teams...  but she wouldn't touch the Chess Team.   There's just too much man there.

?????: Gill!

> After receiving a 4.0 GPA, she felt

Reiko: That she was in imminent danger.

A-kun: Yeah, how come people who can fight, although they're "easily bested", or brainiacs always get raped?

Gillberg: Actually, truth be told, it's SUPPOSED to be a sign of a prophecy being played through.  It has to do with balance.  When something evil is released, something good is notified and/or released to stop it.

> pretty good. Pausing to look at her house, she decided to walk to the park.

?????: [Jen] Hmmm, get raped at home or in the park?  Home or the park?  Well, I hate my panties, so to find something to tear them off, I'll go to the park.

Gillberg: So, she doesn't stop off at home to drop off her books, change clothes or notify anyone else in her family.  [sarcastically] Right.

> Opting for the long way, she began to walk towards the forest.

Reiko: Because, as we all know, every park connects to a forest.

> The sun on her shoulders diminished as she entered the tall trees beside the park.

A-kun: And, of course, there's no one else there.  You know, other people taking a stroll, couples doing it in the bushes, gangs that are staking out their turf, and of course, no nature lovers.  Kamis forbid that someone else might actually APPRECIATE THE FORESTS.

>      She followed the gravel road until she saw the makeshift trail of barkdust. The sounds 
>of nature surrounded her. Birds chirping, squirrels rustling in the upper canopy of the tall 
>evergreen trees, all was serene.

Gillberg: Hmmm, could it be that she might wind up bumping into someone and developing a deep, meaningful relationship?

All: Nah.

>      Suddenly, a sharp snap echoed from a thicket of bushes to her right.

?????: And _bam_, dead silence.

> She turned,

A-kun: drawing her pistol and readying it in case someone got too... friendly.  BLAM!  She shoots the author dead.

Reiko: That's rather cold.

A-kun: I'm hardcore, remember?  No mercy.

TharzZzDunN: [TharzZzy's version of what A-kun said] drawing her pistols and emptying all thirty rounds into the helpless Mazoku that had been lurking there.

TharzZzy: [Helpless Mazoku] So, you wouldn't... be... interested in knowing... how.... Jesus could change your life...... UGH! *THUD*

> and always being a curious type, she

Gillberg: Was instantly raped by every guy in the universe for being a curious idiot.

?????: [sarcastically] Of course, there's no possible way there could be ANY sort of danger.

Reiko: Then again, it _is_ nice to see a girl with a spine in one of these stories.

?????: [thoughtfully] I guess.

> walked undaunted past the thick foliage. She pushed her way through the branches and arrived 
>in a small bowl formed in the center of the bush.

?????: That's one hell of a bush.

> Very little plant life grew in this small depression.

A-kun: [Jen] Well, it's got the markings of Cthulu, Satan and Yog-Sothoth and it has thousands of markings in numerous languages that read "Touch this and die".  It must be safe to take home and drink from!

Reiko: [Jen to the small depression] Come on, cheer up.  I'll take you to see Hello Kitty.

Gillberg: [small depression] YAY!!

>      She looked around and saw that she could not see past the bush that enveloped the bowl. 

Gillberg: I think this guy either has an odd idea of what a bush actually is or this is one hell of a bush.

>Something fell from the treetops above and landed on the ground beside her foot.

?????: [to Jen] IT'S A GRENADE!  RUN, YOU STUPID GIRL!  RUN!

>      It was a snake, about three feet long, with mottled brown patches on its back 

Gillberg: [to Jen] Ah, I'd step away, Jen.  That snake is poisonous.

>and a green underbelly.

Gillberg: [to Jen] Run away really effing fast!

Reiko: [frowning] What's wrong?

Gillberg: I recognize that as a Mark VII Mini-Demon.  It's what you might call a scout for a select few Snake Gods and Demons.  And those aren't a very pretty set of Gods or Demons.  Not even when you're drunk.

> Its head and body were extra-smooth with a glossy shine. Jen was never afraid of snakes, even 
>as a child, and she leaned down to examine the serpent more closely.

?????: [slapping her forehead] Of course.  You're not afraid of snakes, so it's not poisonous or deadly in any way.

A-kun: This train of logic reminds me of Quest for Aeris.  Ordinary bats versus Super-Powerful Martial Artist equals Defeated Martial Artist being molested by bats (the animal, not the sporting good) who think she's rather small-breasted.

>      It inverted the upper-half of its body

Reiko: AACK!  That's disgusting!

Gillberg: Told ya.

>and stared at her.

A-kun: Yeah, it's not like snakes use smell or anything to sense, oh hell no, they STARE AT YOU FOR HOURS ON END.

> The dark eyes seemed to penetrate her, and a red tongue flicked in and out. She reached down >and picked the snake up, and held it out in front of her.

A-kun: [Jen, thinking] Snakes don't bite or inject poisons into people.  I'm safe.

> The snake had other plans, though.

Gillberg: [snake] We'll storm the castle by using a pole-vault to send our horses inside, where they can startle the enemy troops, who'll open the doors to let us in!  It's brilliant, I tell you, brilliant!

A-kun: [snake] We'll convince the guards at Fort Knox to GIVE us the gold.  We'll buy them a round of beer, share stories, then politely ask them for it!  And if that doesn't work, we'll just run right in.  It's not like they can stop us or anything.  My plan is foolproof!

>      It shot out of her hands and into her face.

TharzZzy: [snake-chan] You talkin' ta me?  Are you talkin' ta me?  That's it! *BLAM*

Gillberg: [snake] I'm your boyfriend now, baby!  Gimme some sugar!

?????: We tried to warn her, but she didn't listen.  Now the snake is buried half-way into her face.

> It pried open her lips and began to crawl inside.

Reiko: Eeeewwww! This reminds me of that disgusting Oni from that Star whatchamacallit anime.

?????: [shuddering] Don't remind me.  Why the hell does it have to be women who always get this sort of treatment?

Gillberg: Don't ask me.  I just live in Hell.  I never said I understood everything about it.

> Nauseated, she tried to pull the snake out,

Gillberg: Puke on it.  That'll force it out.

> but the scales didn't allow it to be pulled backwards without causing her a severe throat 
>injury.

A-kun: Then why, praytell, did you let it into your throat?

?????: Plus, how was it getting any traction?  It can't get very much traction with mucus.

>      She felt the snake crawl deeper and deeper inside her body down her esophagus.

Gillberg: A snake with a suicide wish?

A-kun: Don't we all wish-

Reiko: -that it was the author with the death wish?

?????: Or that he would at least choke on a fish?

A-kun: [arching an eyebrow] No P.C.?

?????: No woman would do this.  Not even your sister.

A-kun: Hmmm, that's saying a lot.

> Hearing sounds above, she turned her eyes skyward

A-kun: [Jen] Maybe it's someone who'll stop this horribly wrong lemon.

Gillberg: Well, you know.  It's still not as bad as some of the lemons out there.  I mean, so far, all she's done is eaten a snake that had a death wish.

> and saw a mass of snakes falling down onto her.

A-kun: [snake #1]  Dammit!  That drop was supposed to kill all of us.  Now we'll have to do it again!  Hmmm, actually, maybe if we can get this girl to swallow us....

All: [the rest of the snakes] ASSURED DEATH!  YAAAAY!

> The one going down her throat was only the beginning, as many more snakes tried to enter her, >as well.

Reiko: [snake #4] *COUGH**COUGH* WHEW!  Her butt STUUU-IIIIINKS!

?????: [snake #3] Can't get into her ear.  It tastes like wax in there and she just giggled when I tested it with my tongue.

Gillberg: [snake #5] At least you didn't try her nose.  When was the last time she cleaned that out, anyway?  For Kasumi-kami-sama's sake, use a friggin' kleenex once and a while.

>      They crawled up her legs to her mini-skirt.

	[A-kun and Gillberg begin whistling, hooting and howling.  ????? and Reiko exchange glances.]

> She could feel them rip apart her panties with a wild undulating motion.

A-kun: Um, Majin?  How in the @#$%#!^#$%^$%^@$%^@$^@$%^@$^$%^!#^%#$^@$&^@% are snakes going to RIP anything apart?  And with an undulating motion, too.

Gillberg: That brings up another point.  How big are these 'snakes'?  I'm talking width and height, not length.

TharzZzy: [Majin] They're just Gardener Snakes... FOUR HUNDRED FEET LONG WITH TENTACLES!

> They pushed past her sphincter and crawled into her rectum,

Gillberg: Maybe they have a 'death by noxious fumes' wish.

?????: That or maybe they all wanna see how far they could fly if someone were to fart them out.

	[*FRAAP*]

A-kun: Suddenly, a fireball EXPLODED, sending the snakes reeling backwards...

TharzZzy: OH DEAR GAWD!  SHE HAD THE MEXICAN COMBO PLATTER AT TACO BELL!

Reiko: [Jen] FEEL THE POWER OF THE EXTRA-SPICY SAIKYO STYLE!  OOSHA!

> some small, some big.

Reiko: Without lubrication?  Not effing likely, Majin.  If it can get painful to force something out minus lubrication, it'll be damn near impossible to get more than one snake in.

> Her pussy, now hot with juices,

?????: [wincing] That must've hurt.  You just don't pour hot coffee of a poor girl's cat.

Reiko: It's gotta be some stupid lemon law.  Women getting raped or forced upon enjoy it almost instantly.

> allowed four snakes at a time to crawl inside her vaginal tract.

A-kun: Okay, I may not have very much personal experience handling snakes or women, but even _I_ know that that is friggin' impossible.  Majin, you're an idiot.

Gillberg: A-kun, that's sorta mean.

A-kun: First of all, there are few tree-climbing snakes that will just drop down to attack prey, let alone rape young stupid girls.  Secondly, those tree-climbing snakes usually reside in damp or moist environments such as swamps and rain forests.  Thirdly, that are no snakes in the world that has glossy and smooth hide that has scales that would prevent reversed movement as that would be stupid if said snake were in a tunnel with water rushing towards it's face.  It's either glossy and smooth or it's got reversed scales.  It's like he's crossing desert and swamp snakes and trying to make them scary.

> She could feel their squirming bodies inside her body.

?????: Betcha most are thinking, "Hey, where were we supposed to go?"

> Her stomach expanded a few inches from the masses of snakes inside her rectum, womb and >belly.

Reiko: I wonder if he's even SEEN a biological chart of the female body.

Gillberg: Hmmm, he might not have if he's from Hell.  School is usually reserved for the damned.

> Several were undulating through her intestinal tract.

A-kun: [Jen, belching] Yo quiero Taco Bell my ass.  That's the last time I eat anything with hot sauce.

> She felt dizzy from the thirty seconds of penetration.

?????: You get the impression that she's actually laying in a bathroom stall smoking marijuana and this is all some really effed up hallucination.

Reiko: Or at least that's what I HOPE is actually happening.

Gillberg: Truth be told, these things aren't even reacting like Mark VII Mini-Demons.  Mini-Demons restrain or frighten, they don't attack.  Mostly because unlike real snakes, they don't have teeth.  They use spells to subdue their victims.

>      She stood up, and saw a snake still on the ground. It was larger than the others, almost >six feet long.

A-kun: Now we're getting into length.  This guy has penis envy written all over this fanfic.

Gillberg: A-kun?

A-kun: Come on, he's obviously using this 'snakes' as a sign of his penis.  Jen is the victim who is unwilling, but won't scream.

> It had a different color pattern too, with a completely black body. She picked it up and >brought it up under her mini-skirt and the snake took over from there.

A-kun: See?

Gillberg: I think you're right.

> It opted for the second of the two choices and squeezed its massive body up her anus into her >rectum.

	[Reiko and ????? squirm uncomfortably.  Gillberg shudders.  A-kun doesn't react save to roll his eyes.]

A-kun: [maximum sarcasm] Sure, all anuses can hold massive six foot snakes and their millions of smaller friends.

> She bent down on her hands and knees and started to groan as the snake wiggled into her ass. 

?????: Again, with no lubrication, this would be deathly painful.

Reiko: I wouldn't wish this on to ANYONE.... well, no one I know.

>She turned her head back and saw the last of the tail entering her.

A-kun: It burst out of her stomach and was impaled on her ribs.  The End.

?????: [shuddering] A-KUN!

A-kun: Six feet of ANYTHING as big as we're lead to believe this big snake is would crush all her internal organs if it didn't rupture things left and right.  Not to mention that it causes lethal or toxic damage for things to flow upwards into your intestines.

Gillberg: I know I've heard of these things, but I can't remember where.

> It was as if she was electrified.

Reiko: I wish she were.  Then this fanfic could end on a mildly decent note.

>      The black snake was somehow the focus for all the energy.

?????: You're right A-kun, penis envy all over this story.

Reiko: Pitiful, if it weren't so damn disgusting.

> She felt it climb up her gastrointestinal tract and into her stomach.

A-kun: Actually, the intestines don't expand much and they aren't as big as you think.  She'd be puking the instant it began climbing and she'd be dead by the time it reached her stomach.  Ever heard of displacement of fluids, Majin?  Any and all fluids in her intestines would be pushing upwards, causing her to spew more than the little girl from the Exorcist did.  Not to mention it's been in her ass, so it polluting her intestines as it climbs.  And remember, the intestines provide the chemicals to the rest of the body, so the toxins are flowing into her blood as-

?????: A-kun, stop, or I'll spew on you.

	[A-kun falls silent.]

> It punched through the lining of her stomach and crawled out into her body cavity.

????? and Reiko: [;;;O.O;;;] Uh....

Gillberg: [OOO.OOO] Even Tentacle Beasts know women aren't hollow!

> The wound sealed instantly.

A-kun: There's almost more bullshit in this opening than there was in all of PJurado's Quest for Aeris.  Almost.

> She was in a trance-like state as the snake slithered into her facial cavity.

A-kun: [sneering] Yeah, ya know, most facial cavities can handle a six foot snake hopping right in.  Not to mention it got past her ribs, lungs, spine, throat, and such with so few problems, I gotta say [reverting to normal] this guy is an idiot.

?????: Does this guy know ZILCH about the human anatomy?

Reiko: I doubt this guy even know what the word anatomy means.

> The black head searched for the exact spot. Then it found it.

Gillberg: [COPS Narrator] When pimples go bad, it's not a pretty sight...

> She awoke from the trance with one thing in mind--reproduction.

A-kun: If I weren't hardcore, this might cause me to become unsettled.

	[????? grabs an airsickness bag and proceeds to fill it.  Reiko imitates her and even Gillberg is twitching at the sight.]

Gillberg: You mean, we gotta put up with more of this shit?!

?????: Like hell am I watching.

	[Shaking her head, ????? staggers out of the room, followed by Reiko.]

>      ****

Gillberg: I don't think even Leonard Maltin would make this bad of a decision.  This had to be either Toguro Ani or Orochi.

A-kun: No, not Orochi, remember?  [imitating Orochi] I [HATE] you [ALL].  I [WANT] some [NOOKIE].  [HEY], baby, wanna [GET] [IT] [ON]?

>      Jen arrived at her house not as herself.

Gillberg: She was someone else entirely.

> The black snake had taken partial control of her. Jen was still conscious and in control of >all her motor functions, but she went where the snake told her to go. And snake had control of >her thoughts and her vocal abilities. It also had tapped into her memories.

A-kun: So, she's not in control is what you're saying.

Gillberg: Geez, why not just have the snake eat her brain and have it use her body.

A-kun: The author had to make it stupid.  Or he began writing past this part and realized that if she wasn't complete subservient to his surrogate penis, she might not do what he wanted.

Gillberg: You're right.  If it just had partial control, there might be a chance she might have a rational thought and jump off a cliff, thus ending the fanfic.

>      Her mother stood in the kitchen, fussing over a cookbook. Jen walked in and her mother >frowned at her.

A-kun: [Mother] What are YOU doing back here, bitch?

Gillberg: [Jen] I'm here to get my paycheck.

>      "Where have you been? It's three-fifty and school gets out at two-fifty. Don't try to >fool me, girl, where have you been?" her mother demanded.

A-kun: [Jen] Getting raped by some snakes that took control of my mind and are planning to reproduce and take over the world in the stupidest manner possible.  D'OH!

>      Jen opened the fridge and grabbed a Coke off the shelf. She shut the door and leaned >against the fridge.

Gillberg: 10...

>      "I've been at the park." The snake told her mom. "It's a nice day, and I decided to take >a walk.

A-kun: How much you wanna bet there won't be a man in this story now that the surrogate penis is moving?

Gillberg: Nothing. 9...

> You won't be so mad at me when you see my report card."

Gillberg: 8...

A-kun: [Jen] I blew up a Kilrathi Battleship in Wing Commander! [mother] I'm so proud!

>      Her mother smiled and took her hand.

A-kun: *RIIIIIIP*

Gillberg: [edging away from A-kun slightly] 7...

> "Did you get good grades?" she asked.
>      Jen leaned some more. "A four-point-oh," she admitted.

A-kun: [Jen] Oops, I've been reading it backwards.  It's a oh-point-four.

Gillberg: 6...

>      Her mother squeezed her hand. It sent a message up to the snake.

A-kun: [AOL voice] You-have-mail.

Gillberg: 5...

> The time was nearing.
>      "Good for you, honey," her mother said.

A-kun: [Mother] Now I don't have to tear your face off.

Gillberg: 4...

>      Jen felt the tip of a snake's head slip out of her ass. This snake was black with yellow >stripes.

A-kun: OH-NO!  THAT SNAKE IS NUCLEAR!

Gillberg: 3...

> She walked forward and leaned against her mother. It was time.

A-kun: [singing/rapping] %What's the time?%
	%It's time to get ill!%
	%What's the time?%
	%It's time to get ill!%

Gillberg: 2...

> The snake dropped out and fell on the floor. It crawled close to her mother's leg and waited. 

A-kun: You'd think that the smell alone would've warned the mother.

Gillberg: A-kun, you're forgetting.  This guy knows nothing of human anatomy.  I'm sure that applies to other things.  1...

>Jen suddenly grabbed her mother, turned her around, and kissed her deep.

Gillberg: 0... It's "Horribly Wrong" time again!

> A snake slid up Jen's throat, into her mouth and then into her mother's.

A-kun: [Mother] But, honey, the porkchops I'm making are much better than snake!

>      Her mother struggled as the snake bonded the two women together at the mouth.

Gillberg: That snake that took control of Jen ain't very bright.  It just fused it's snake to Jen's mouth, which means anyone'll see her coming and run like hell.

A-kun: Even I'm not going to bother with this.  [leans forward and hits 'Delete Fanfic' on his new Universal Remote Control.]  If you need to know what was going to happen next, it was pretty much the same formula throughout the entire fanfic, except these snakes seem to 'breed' blah, blah, blah.  Yeah, like snakes can reproduce through humans.  Even PJ wasn't THIS awful.  I found myself rolling my eyes and getting the urge to flame the crap out of this guy rather then getting disgusted like ????? and Reiko did.  All in all, this story was more pathetic than anything else and I doubt I'll be looking for this fanfic myself.  You can search for it on your own because I'm not going to let people become corrupted by this loser.

	[A-kun turns to Gillberg.]

Gillberg: I agree whole-heartedly.  This thing was just plain awful.  Majin started out all right, then he just got stupid.  It was as if someone sucked his brain out, but he kept typing.

A-kun: [sneering] Maybe a six foot snake crawled into his facial cavity and took over.

Gillberg: Naw, it just took a dump and left.

A-kun: I'm A-kun...

Gillberg: And I'm Gillberg.

A-kun: And until next time-

Gillberg: These seats are stolen.

============================================================================================

	Sorry it was cut short, but the repitition can get even to those who are Hardcore.  Basically, repeat the scene, just add a person.
	All that we wanted to say about this was pretty much said in the MST.  Try not to have nightmares, folks.  Good night.

	A-kun, Officially Hardcore
	?????, Officially Sick Of This Fanfic.

	reply at akun15@hotmail.com

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