Tatewaki Kunou had often dreamed of being a knight in shining armor, like those told in old english tales of King Arthur, or a proud samurai, like stories of Miyamoto Musashi.
He could envision how the older world worked, and fit himself firmly above the lower castes, but he'd always imagined them as having as grand a time just living as he had dreaming up that world.
His favorite daydream had him riding on the back of a proud and noble steed, as magnificient as Tatewaki himself, his family house's banner flying proudly behind him, with worthy allies riding alongside him. In his earliest dreams, he wore the proud armor of a noble samurai, though more recently, when Tatewaki discovered King Arthur, he also allowed himself to imagine a shining suit of armor, with a shield bearing his family crest on his steed's side.
He had no idea that Ranma had actually gone to the trouble of recreating the fantasy for him.
The armor, while not the traditional wooden armor of a samurai, certainly fit the King Arthur fantasy, and both his shield and the flag on his noble steed bore his family crest.
The men and women escorting him were indeed worthy allies, as they all stopped to aid a merchant who's cart had broken. Tatewaki found himself joining in, feeling invigorated by the noble nature of his companions.
He couldn't help but wonder if perhaps the Ranma Saotome that had come back was not, in fact, a sorcerer of an opposite nature to the one Tatewaki knew.
Surely, no fiend like the original Saotome Tatewaki knew would ever allow his subordinates to show compassion, or respect, to the scion of the house of Kunou.
[Yes,] Tatewaki thought, [Truly this Ranma Saotome is not the same one I knew.]
=========================================================== Dungeon Keeper Ranma
Chapter 14: Kunous and Keepers
By A-kun
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Akane was calmer. She wasn't HAPPY, but she was calmer. She'd actually gotten it into her thick skull that Ranma now had numerous followers, most of whom were fanatical in their devotion, just as she was in herself.(1)
So, she just had to be careful not to piss off the ones in the black latex. Especially, since most of them seemed to lick their lips and smile widely whenever they saw her. Almost as if they expected, nay, DARED her to try something.
Ranma wasn't easy to even catch sight of, which also made it difficult for her to talk to him and subsequently get mad and hit him with her mallet. If only he'd stay perfectly still, like those bricks she always punched, or if he was like those boys from school(2), she could give him the thrashing he so deserved.
All of the minions that she'd seen were either disgusting, (3) strange (4), or annoyingly gorgeous.(5) She'd done her level best to avoid most of them (particularly the mistresses and fairies), but she'd run into a few REALLY creepy ones by accident. The incident with Pfil and Pamela had been QUITE embarrassing, especially when Prince Daniel had inquired about the stains on her sleeves.(6)
The fact that her fellow homeworld humans were present was comforting, at least. That meant there would be all sorts of trouble for Ranma, which he deserved for all he did to her, albeit indirectly.
The roaming reporters were a bit weird, though. She'd run across a few, and when she tapped them on the shoulder to ask them what they were looking for, they threw down their cameras and ran off weeping.(7) She didn't understand why, though.
Shampoo and Ukyou were present as well, souring Akane's mood. But, they weren't getting much more attention from him than she was. And at least, a certain someone wasn't-
"OH HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO! WHERE, OH WHERE, IS MY DARLING RANMA?!" Kodachi Kuno, the Black Rose of St. Hebereke's School of Psychopathic Gymnasts,(8) asked as she bounded across the courtyard. Akane suddenly got an evil thought. What if _Kodachi_ saw the Mistresses? She grinned evilly and hurried downstairs to watch the fun.
Kodachi flung open the doors to the main hallway and was greeted by the sight of a small convention of Mistresses, who were currently betting how long it would take for Akane Tendo to get into trouble, and also bartering for an earlier shot at her.
Akane stood on a nearby staircase, huffing a bit, but eager to see how Kodachi would react, just as the crazed sister of the True Blunder of Furinkan High threw open the doors.
Kodachi surveyed the group slowly, as if staring in complete and utter astonishment. Akane waited eagerly for Kodachi to say something to the tune of, "HOW DARE YOU TROLLOPS GET NEAR MY BELOVED RANMA IN SUCH TRAMPY OUTFITS!"
Akane couldn't have been more surprised by what happened if a Demon Spawn tried to french kiss her again.
"WHERE did you get that _LOVELY_ outfit?!" Kodachi squealed, her eyes shining with girlish delight.
Akane facefaulted so hard, the staircase would have an impression of her face for about six days (when the dwarves would replace the step and destroy it out of horror).
It figured that the one girl that Akane could always count on being considered more insane and violent than herself wouldn't react how she wanted her to.
But wait... what if Kodachi found out that the mistresses had slept with Ranma?
"They've had sex with Ranma!" Akane yelled out.(9)
Kodachi looked up to see Akane standing on a staircase behind the wonderful women she was talking to. She snorted, "As if I would take the word of a commoner and liar, such as yourself, Akane Tendo."
Akane flared at being called a liar and, not seeing the look of unrestrained glee that appeared on the faces of several mistresses, charged Kodachi.
In a flurry of snaps, Akane found herself bound and gagged at Kodachi's feet, the gymnast brandishing her usual ribbon.
"Hmmm, if only I had some heels to drive in her back..." Kodachi mused.
"Want mine?" a mistress offered, clearly impressed with Kodachi's control of her flimsy-looking ribbon. After all, binding someone with a whip was one thing, but doing it with a thin silk ribbon was quite another.
"How about we get our new friend her own outfit while Akane spends time in the torture chamber?" Nausica said, placating the group.
Kodachi's eyes glimmered with almost orgasmic glee. It seemed that things that interested her at home were more than legal in Harmonia. She didn't resist as the convention of women began escorting her and Akane downstairs into the dungeon.
Dark Gods were sometimes fickle. While most could see the obvious advantage to falling in line behind a awesomely powerful warrior-mage, like Ranma Saotome, there were still some who ached for the days when sacrifices were more common and generally involved a soul or at least some blood.
As such, there were three who sought to find one of the other keepers to back. Of course, were any of them to do such things alone, their fellow dieties would swiftly put them down. However, an organized resistance was less obvious and even so, the other dark gods may overlook it in an effort to keep things peaceful, even for a little bit.
Havoc was not the eldest, nor the youngest in the newly formed separatist group. He was, however, not terribly original with his flaming demon appearance. He resembled the Reapers greatly, only his mouth was almost never open. He saved that for snacking on souls or fresh sacrifices.
Eletrunus was a "goddess" by physical terms. She had pale white skin, with long golden hair that pooled around her feet, and a rather attractive female form covered by a red ribbon that barely stopped the casual viewer from seeing nipple or her groin. The thing that startled most mortals who gazed upon her was that she had white horns sprouting from where her eyes should be. They curled back until they reached her ears and then curled upwards. She was the eldest of the group.
Mockararssad was another "goddesss" by physical terms. Unlike her two compatriots, she looked rather human. In fact, disgustingly so. Mockararssad had long red hair tied into a braid, bright red eyes, white catlike ears, a white bushy tail, a red girl's school uniform, and a large sword.
Havoc was shuddering with disgust. Ever since one of Mockararssad's minions had found a manga called "Magic Knight Rayearth", Mockararssad had taken on the form of it's lead character, "Hikaru". It was enough to make an Dark God puke, if they ever did so. Unfortunately, she was the most powerful member of the group, which meant she was vital to their combined survival.
Still, the only thing worse than a fangirl was a GOD-CLASSED fangirl.
"So," Mockararssad began, bubbling with enough cuteness to make Havoc seriously consider going solo,(10) "Who should we pick? Most of these guys look like weenies."
It was true. Half of the keepers were foes Ranma had already trounced, and would likely fail to be any sort of a challenge the second time around. Especially since Ranma's forces were expanding dangerously fast, at a rate several times greater than they had when Harmonia was in it's own dimension.
There were a few that peaked Havoc's interest, particularly that boy who'd kidnapped everyone in Duluth, then consumed all of the buildings materials in a fiery display of power to begin creation on a master fortress. He showed initiative, innovation and the kind of attitude Havoc liked. There was that one little problem of his mental state, though.
There was also another interesting keeper, a female who'd grown almost as powerful as Ranma. She'd been much less merciful to her enemies and had crushed them beneath her feet. Unlike many of the others, she was neither new nor had she been defeated by Ranma.
And finally, there was a wildcard keeper, a dog, a black labrador to be exact, who was surprisingly intelligent. He'd recently gained his Dungeon Heart, and Havoc was interested to see what the dog would do with all that power.
Nabiki didn't mind being followed by Pirotess. She'd grown accustomed to seeing Pamela and Pfil, who were attached to her like goldfish poop.
She hadn't expected Cerl to suddenly start tagging along. Of course, it became evident when Cerl offered to help out writing things down, that her attention was more than simply out of gratitude. The heavy blush on Cerl's face when Nabiki's hand had brushed hers when the brunette handed the blonde the quill she'd been using had proven that.
Since then, Cerl had been eager in suggesting backrubs, massages, short naps in secluded rooms, among other overt attempts to bed Nabiki. Nabiki wouldn't have minded if Cerl were a cute boy, but she was STRAIGHT, DAMMIT!
The odd thing was, Nabiki was having a hard time figuring out what Cerl's position was. She didn't wear the same style of armor as Princess Honey or the other female warriors, nor did she wear robes like a mage or a priestess. She didn't move like a rogue, she didn't have wings like a fairy, and she didn't wear a latex bodysuit like the Mistresses.
Yet, Nabiki got the distinct impression that Cerl was a fighter at heart.
She'd have to ask Ranma next time she saw him when Cerl wasn't around. Which, annoyingly enough, might be some time, as Cerl seemed to have all the free time in the world.
The knight removed his helmet as he entered the room and walked to the middle. His face was coated with sweat as he kneeled before his mistress. The sound of metal tapping against stone informed the rogue that his mistress was bored, which was one of the worst times to present bad news.
"I'm sorry, mistress. We didn't locate anyone in any of those locations. It seems that they have been abandoned for a week or so. There is no indication of where they might have gone." he answered.
"Very well. You may go." she answered.
He nodded and exited quickly, a look of great relief on his face as he thanked his ancestors that she had not struck him down. He didn't like failing his mistress, but there was nothing he could do to alter that fact. Their conquest of this world was just beginning and he was determined to make up for his failure.
"Kevin?" came a voice to his right.
The brown-haired knight turned to see the half-dark elf woman standing to his right.
"Oh, it's just you, Sara. I was worried for a moment that it might be-" Kevin began.
"No. Though, he IS looking for you." Sara responded.
"Any word on those locales?" Kevin inquired.
"Depends," Sara began, smiling saucily, "on what I might get in return."
"More than just my love, darling." Kevin answered.
Sara purred as she stroked Kevin's chin, "I'd like a fully detailed list..."
The knight grinned as he escorted his lovely companion to his bedchambers.
Happosai was beginning to panic. He'd returned to the Tendo Dojo and found it was empty. That in and of itself was nothing spectacular. The gang frequently went on week-long, sometimes month-long training trips in order to avoid Happosai.
The thing that made him panic was that someone had dared to go into his room and steal all of his precious panties and bras.
In fact, even the super-secret-ultra-hidden-final-emergency stash in the house (i.e. Kasumi's underwear drawer) had been found and stolen. Happosai began to tremble in rage, but he had no idea who could possibly be able to figure out where he'd hidden his darlings.
Ranma was a prime suspect, having managed to return after Happosai's banishment spell. But, even that brat couldn't have found ALL of Happosai's troves. Cologne, Soun and Genma knew Happosai enough that they might know where to look, but even they couldn't have guessed his most secret hiding places. Not to mention, none of them would have touched the underwear that rightfully belonged of the Tendo sisters.
He was feeling rather exhuasted when he stopped to look for the last trove he had hidden in Nerima and again, found it empty. Happosai's panic returned. He'd never felt so tired from simply bouncing around. He had to find a woman to grope and fast.
There was a midget with a rack. Happosai didn't like short women anymore, especially since during the "Great Perversion Black-Out" incident that Ranma had orchestrated (which had led Happosai to banish the arrogant Saotome in the first place), Cologne and many other old women had disguised themselves (with the aid of Ukyou and Tsubasa) as midget-babes and nearly shocked Happosai into a heart attack.
However, Happosai was desperate, and desperate measures had to be taken. He had to risk that this wasn't another "Great Perversion Black-Out".
"SWEETO!" Happosai cried, leaping down at the midget girl.
Half-way there, three midget guys leapt out of nowhere and kicked Happosai into a wall. Happosai was startled by the sudden attack, as his usual glomp attack was unavoidable by anyone, save the truly fast martial artists, like Ranma or Shampoo.
Happosai pulled himself from the crater and glared at his attackers.
And stopped cold.
Roughly seventy miniature male Ranma Saotomes were surrounding the tiny martial arts master, all cracking their knuckles and glaring at Happosai with that same hatred that the original Ranma bore for the ancient pervert.
The group was about to swarm him when the shock of all of the angry mini-Ranmas, combined with the lack of contact with anything feminine, caused the ancient master to finally succumb to death's tyrannical grasp.
Happosai Yagyu, ancient martial arts master, grand pervert, exiled relative of the famous Yagyu family, was dead.(11)
Despite the recent bout of fun and the surprisingly smooth assimilation of Earth and Harmonia, things were not looking well for Ranma.
He had yet to track down the Keeper responsible for Duluth, but he HAD found several other keepers. The united force of Harmonia was working covertly to take down all of them, but he was plagued with requests for interviews, various inquiries about what connection he had with whoever had destroyed Duluth from Governor Ventura, and he was stuck trying to balance his attention between Maidel, Ukyou, Shampoo, Akane and now Kodachi, and as well as deal with the fact that he was going to be meeting Tatewaki Kunou again in about an hour.
Sometimes, he wished he'd just left Harmonia where it belonged. However, he knew the fanaticism of his followers would eventually bring them to come to Earth anyway, so it was better to deal with all this when he was there and prepared than to explain things afterward.
Things were going to remain exhuasting for quite a while. He had to deal with all of those other pesky Dungeon Keepers who were going to use their powers for evil before the War of the Keepers engulfed his homeworld as well.
"RANMA!" came an old, familiar angry voice that Ranma was actually glad to hear.
He turned to face his arch-rival, Ryoga Hibiki, who had his traditional snarl on, like just before he made an almost insane accusation, like he was about to, "How DARE YOU trick me into sitting in a fridge! Because of you, I'VE SEEN CANADA! _AND_ MEXICO! _AND_ DISNEY WORLD!!"
"Did you have fun?" Ranma inquired calmly.
"Actually, I did. Canada had a nice resturaunt that I can't remember the name of, I found some good gorditas in Mexico, and at Disney World, I found this one ride where you-NEVER YOU MIND!" Ryoga retorted.
"Ryoga, how could _I_ have tricked you into sitting in a fridge?" Ranma inquired.
Ryoga fumbled. Now that he was face to face with the genuine article, the mini-alien Ranmas seemed like a hypothermic hallucination (he'd had a few of those while in the fridge, like one where he had piloted something called the Kakuseijin and this girl with large boobs named Hinoki had a passive-aggressive affection towards him (largely passive) and constantly put her own intelligence down while saying he was much smarter than her).(12) But once he began to try and voice the argument, it fell apart rather easily.
"Well... I guess it doesn't really make any sense." Ryoga admitted, though it sounded more like he was admitting to lying about the places he'd gone to, which was the thing he wasn't lying about.
"Anyway, you lookin' for a fight?" Ranma asked.
"Not really," Ryoga answered, still feeling a bit embarrassed about the whole false accusation.
"Well, you know, I've gotten a few cool new abilities since I was away. Learned some magic even." Ranma began.
Ryoga's eyes lit up, the way a little boy's does when he hears that a kid who's friendless has a sweet video game system, and he quickly buddied up to Ranma.
"Hey, buddy, long time no see, right?" Ryoga asked rhetorically, failing to note how ridiculous he looked trying to act like they were best friends who'd just met again after being apart for a month.
"Well, nothing that can cure Jusenkyo, or nothin', but I _think_ I could help you out in the ole' direction angle." Ranma answered.
"Really? You aren't just pullin' my chain?" Ryoga asked. Next to his direction problems, his Jusenkyo curse was actually the least of his problems. After all, if one couldn't tell which way they were facing, they couldn't really hope to dodge water.
"Yeah. See, I got this magical artifact, see, and I can find anyone who's an ally of mine and move them how I see fit." Ranma responded. He was fibbing a bit. His Dungeon Heart wouldn't let him move people TO any place his imps hadn't claimed, but he COULD always pull people loyal to him FROM any place he wanted.
"Ally?" Ryoga asked. It sounded nice, but did he really want to give _RANMA_ control over where he could or couldn't go? Then again, at least Saotome would be less random than his own sense of direction.
Ranma suddenly felt quite evil as he realized that Ryoga was technically neutral to him. He'd have to be... converted.
"Ryoga, buddy, I'm gonna do you a huge favor. See, the best way to prove that you're an ally is to talk with a few girls that I know..." Ranma began, grinning like the cat that ate the canary, shat on the carpet, stole a pricelss diamond and managed to blame it on the horse.
Soun was a bit anxious, not that he liked to admit it. He and Genma had packed on quite a few pounds since arriving in Harmonia. Despite the good food, friendly people and the great luxury that he was enjoying, he was eager to get back to Japan and drop some of his recently gained weight.
Then, a friendly wizard named Greylle had taken it upon himself to try and help Soun out of a few of those legitimately gained pounds.
However, as he and Greylle approached the wizard's research and experiment room, he was beginning to have second thoughts about the whole deal, especially when Greylle mentioned he had several processes in mind and wanted to test them all.
As he and Greylle entered the wizard's chosen destination, he noticed a few things that seemed quite out of place. Namely three torture racks, one with water and the other two with hot coals, an electric chair, a hen house, and three women. The water torture rack and one of the hot coal racks were mounted to the wall, while the last one was mounted on the floor.
The first woman had short platinum hair. Her eyes were closed, in a kind of creepy way, but her chest was ample enough that he could tell she was "fine attributes" despite the fact that she was wearing a blue robe.
The next girl had fairly short black hair, but a long bang on the left side of her face in an almost Lain-ish pattern (he really had to stop watching anime whenever Kasumi turned it on). She was the tallest of the trio, but there was something distinctly WRONG about her aura. She wore a black robe.
The last girl had short black hair as well, with a long bang on each side of her face. A black cat sat perched on her shoulder. Her eyes were almost glazed over, but he could tell that it wasn't from a lack of focus, but rather a lack of interest. She was the shortest and wore a red robe.
"You finally found a test subject." the third girl spote up, "Now we can begin."
Soun panicked when the girl picked up a wicked-looking knife, then sighed inwardly as she sheathed it. The first woman spoke up, a wicked smile on her face, "Looks like you get to remain a man, Greylle."
With that, the woman burst into manical laughter.
"Not funny, Kitsune." Greylle answered. He muttered something about 'Tortiilu' or something to that effect.
"Besides, that's not even as funny as when I threatened to do to him." the second woman spoke up.
"True, Haruka, but where WOULD you get an elephant at this time of day?" the third woman answered.
"Where else, Kanako? The usual place." Kitsune concluded, nodding as if it were common knowledge.
Soun had tried to creep out before the group had noticed, but apparently, Greylle or one of the girls had placed a spell on the door to make it immune to all his efforts to open it and/or break it down. He knew Genma was probably having a grand time still. His friend never seemed to worry.
Meanwhile, actively proving Soun Tendo's assumptions wrong, Genma Saotome was a desperate, if now painfully overweight, man. His wife had been returned to the age he'd married her at and was refusing to acknowledge him as her rightful husband.
That was a problem, as Genma's family was the lesser family. If he and Nodoka were divorced, she would retain the Saotome name, meaning she would have the final say in any engagement made by Genma.
And considering that Soun had put up with him, his son and their insatiable appetites for a good year and a half, Genma NEEDED to honor that promise, otherwise Soun would come after him with a bill for the food, rent and other amennities that Genma had enjoyed. Genma had almost no money in his personal bank accounts, neither Ranma or Nodoka would loan him any, and Soun knew most of Genma's tricks, meaning the fat martial artist had a very low chance of getting away.
So, the plan was to woo Nodoka again, get re-married or at least get her to acknowledge him again, and then force Ranma and Akane to marry.
It was all so simple!
The only problem was that he hadn't actually "woo'ed" Nodoka the first time. The marriage had been arranged, just like Ranma's engagement to the Tendo sisters. And he doubted that his own parents were willing to put up with the effort of re-arranging that arranged marriage. Especially since Nodoka's parents were dead, which meant they'd have to have some sort of court-ordered seance, after explaining in detail, all of the mitigating circumstances.
Atsuko Toshiba was the only girl who'd actually liked him when he was younger, but the instant they both found out about the arranged marriage, she'd blown up in his face, seething like a man who'd just killed several "friends" who'd tried to murder him instead. Genma had only ever seen that look in one cartoon since then (The Venture Bros. on Cartoon Network).
He COULD have used whatever manner he'd used to woo Atsuko to try and get Nodoka back. The thing was, he wasn't sure what had drawn her to him in the first place. The scroll he had once given Ranma to read on dating advice was actually a present from Nodoka's grandfather to him in an effort to smooth over the marital differences.
In the back of his mind, a part of Genma was beginning to see why his schemes to get Ranma and Akane together never worked.
And unfortunately, he knew that Soun's marriage had been arranged as well, only his wife had been happier with the whole shebang.
Just as he began to wonder WHO he could talk to, Nodoka came walking by.
It was probably an accident, maybe his brain short-circuited, maybe he tried to relate it to a similar situation, maybe it was because of the lunar positioning or perhaps it was due to El Nino.
But saying, "I've got a hundred thousand yen in my pocket that says you'd like a ride on my family sausage" was probably NOT the wisest choice for lines to get back into Nodoka's good graces.
Especially since she kicked him in the balls repeatedly as an instantaneous response.
That sealed it. He needed Tendo's advice. His friend had at least ENJOYED _his_ married life.
Ranma bowed to Tatewaki Kunou as the samurai-turned-negiotiator entered the room. Having dealt with various diplomats, Ranma had begrudgingly gained a respect for the power of speech that Nabiki could wield. And once he'd found out how drastically different things could turn out when even talking to people that one didn't like, managing to solve his problems with Tatewaki was like basic math.
Tatewaki grew up in a powerful family, where he was treated with high honors from those beneath him. Though Ranma was originally loathe to admit it, the Kunou family remained a powerful family with great influence. Thus, treating Kun-er, Tatewaki with the respect reserved for someone at his social station went a long way towards easing their differences.
"Kunou-sempai, it is an honor to speak with you again." Ranma began, motioning Tatewaki to a seat. Though he'd originally hoped to have a traditional Japanese room set up in the castle, Ranma had been forced to scrap that plan due to lack of time. So, he'd instead opted to go with the formal meeting room, a lavish hall that could hold a several tables and dozens of chairs quite easily.
The hall had the Kunou family banner on the side that Tatewaki had entered from and the Saotome family banner on Ranma's side. The table Ranma was sitting at was a moderate-sized solid oak table with a fine red silk tablecloth and three golden candleholders, with lit red candles in each.
Tatewaki sat down and gazed at the boy, nay, the man across from him with more than a bit of curiousity. Tatewaki began, "Though I am struck with awe that you have given me a worthy greeting, I must inquire as to your true identity. You have the face of Ranma Saotome, yet, Ranma has never greeted me in such a formal fashion, save for when he desires something from me. And I doubt, for one who is quite favored by virtually every other country, that you would see anything I possess as something you desire."
Ranma considered what Tatewaki had said. He could try and prove his true identity to Tatewaki, but that would show disrespect and Ranma was trying to maintain his formality. Then, a plan formed in his head. If it worked... Ranma looked as though something had dawned on him.
"Beg my pardon, but that's impossible, Kunou-sempai. I have never spoken to you in a disrespectful fashion unless... unless this is not my true homeworld!" Ranma exclaimed, standing and looking quite pained, "Everyone else seemed very much the same, but if _you_, Kunou-sempai, are convinced that I am not the Ranma Saotome you knew, I must find the one you knew and return him immediately-"
"That's not really necessary!" Tatewaki blurted out, before calming down, "I'm sure he has taken your place and will come to respect me as you do."
Bingo. Ranma managed to hide his grin.
=======================================================================
If you're wondering why this chapter is much longer than most of the ones prior, I kept the responses out of it until I'd reached what I felt was an appropriate length, then slapped them in at the bottom.
(1) - Akane still believes that she is God Queen Empress of Martial Arts, able to stomp anyone who gets in her way just because she has a hissy fit, and smarter than everyone combined. She's also fanatical in her stupidity.
(2) - I.e. Completely inept at combat.
(3) - I.e. The non-humans and the undead.
(4) - The dark elves, wizards, warlocks, dark angels and the fairies.
(5) - The mistresses, elves, dark elves and fairies.
(6) - See, she'd used them to wipe her face off...
(7) - Most "roaming reporters" in the castle nowadays were perverts who had been caught trying to get pictures of the Mistresses or Fairies naked so many times, they knew to simply give up when caught. The ones Akane ran into were perverts who had been caught several times already and had their cameras confiscated.
(8) - That's not the real subtitle, but rather Akane's alteration.
(9) - Line edited out: "Not all of us!" one mistress answered, then looked sad and depressed. The other mistresses patted her on the back to try and keep her spirits up until tomorrow, when she'd finally get her turn.
(10) - Operational wise, not.... you know. He doesn't need to.
(11) - Yagyu refers to the Yagyu Juubei, a master swordsman from Japan's history, featured most promeniently in the anime Juubei-Chan. Juubei was said to have no living relatives, but families also tend to ignore or remove the names of any exiled members.
(12) - This is from the anime Betterman.
Chapter 15: Trendy Dark Clouds
Nabiki's Troubles!
Ryouga's Conversion!
Kodachi's Intrigue!
And The Indentity of One of the Mystery Keepers! (probably the one you've already guessed.
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Omake Feature: Ranma Is Evil
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In the living room, the entire Tendo family and the two remaining
members of the Saotome family heard the call. Everyone's eyes snapped
wide open as they tried to figure out who's voice it was and their eyes
widened further as they realized who said voice belonged to.
"It couldn't be..." Soun began.
"It is! Ranma!" Kasumi declared, standing up just as Ranma
entered their view.
Then, just as the two families were about to do a combined group
hug, the moment was spoiled by Ranma extending a hand towards Genma, who began to choke and grab at his throat as he levitated upwards.
Seconds later, Genma's corpse dropped to the ground.
"Who else wants some?" Ranma asked, sneering at the Tendos.
A soft thump of something small and brown hitting the floor near Genma's corpse revealed Happosai's location. The wizaned master knew when he was in deep shit and tried to dodge, but Ranma's newly acquired Force Powers were not fooled by his quick motions.
Five seconds later, Happosai was dead on the ground as well.
"Uh, Ranma? You feeling okay?" Akane asked, before noticing the rest of the survivors had already backed away and bowed, rather than face Ranma's mysterious Lucas Arts-esque powers.
Ranma's eyes met Akane's. For a split second, Akane had hope that she still had an effect on Ranma. Then, in the next, she realized what sort of effect she would have.
Akane didn't levitate or start choking, but Ranma's force powers had her reliving all the times she beat on Ranma, from Ranma's view point, in rapid succession and with vivid detail to the pain.
She crumpled to the ground.
Then, Ranma tugged on a leash and Ukyou entered the room. She was wearing a stylized golden bikini that barely covered anything and a loincloth.
"Hi, guys!" Ukyou said, cheerfully.
"Ukyou?! Why are you so happy?!" Akane demanded through the painful memory of her pounding on Ranma's skull with her mallet. The chef had pulled nasty tricks and hit Ranma as well.
"Easy! Ranma forgave me after I-" Ukyou began.
Just then, a low-flying plane's lengthy roar drowned out two minutes of Ukyou's speech.
"-thought they would throw us out, but they didn't and that salad was the most delicious I've ever had. I can't wait for another one." Ukyou finished.
"I'm not wasting my time-" Ranma started to say.
"The latest issue of Sea Man is in! YAY!" came the sudden cry of a child.
"-clean like the rest of the mistresses." Ranma concluded.
"So, are you going to make them all your bitches?" Ukyou inquired.
"Duh. I'm EVIL, after all." Ranma explained.
"Hi everyone!" Orion, uber-dragon half-vampire ninja cyborg from outer space cursed by a powerful artifact named after an item in a Sonic game from A-kun's very first fanfic, said as he walked in.
Five nanoseconds later, he was dead from a gunshot wound shaped like Akane, because Ranma had loaded Akane into a magical gun and shot her through him.
"I'm not THAT evil." Ranma noted to the Author.
"Eeewww!" Akane said, now covered in over-powered self-indulgent avatar guts.
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Omake Feature: Unlikely Keeper Duels!
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Excel Excel versus Naga the White Serpent
Forces:
Excel - Hyatt, Ilpalazzo, Chibi-Excels
Naga - Lina, Galda (from Slayers Dragon Slave, hired), Chibi-Nagas
~FIGHT!~
The Chibi-Excels and Chibi-Nagas weren't doing much damage to each other. They seemed to be just slap-fighting.
Naga, however, aimed to win, "Freeze Arrow!"
Excel was frozen in place the instant Naga's magical arrow struck her. Naga reeled back to let out her customary laugh when Excel burst out of the ice with the force of her will and leapt at the scantily clad sorceress with a battlecry of, "EXCEL PUNCH!"
Lina unleashed a Dragon Slave at Ilpalazzo, but his bishounen aura of smooth deflected a majority of the blast and absorbed the rest. Well, his aura of smooth and his personal crystalline deflector array. Lina went in for close combat and found herself an even match for the silver-haired overlord. Ilpalazzo arched an eyebrow in intrigue. Few could match him for speed, let alone match his skills.
Galda drew his sword and charged the pale dark-haired woman, but just as he was within striking distance, Hyatt vomited blood onto him and keeled over.
"WHAT THE-! Are you okay?" Galda asked, shocked at the sudden defeat of his opponent.
And so, the squabble went well on into the night... or at least it would have, if Excel and Naga hadn't become fast friends ten minutes later, revived Hyatt and decided to menace all of the Tokyo and Atlas city's buffets instead.
Galda went home.
And Lina and Ilpalazzo had wild sex in Ilpalazzo's chair.
~THE END!~
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Omake Feature:
People You Would Never Want To Get A Dungeon Heart
Or
A Dungeon Heart Is Forever (AT LEAST UNTIL YOU KILL THEM!)
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Horny was getting pretty sick and tired of the author creating an insanely impossible circumstance to have totally unlikely characters wind up as Dungeon Keepers.
Case in point, a four foot ten girl with short blue hair, wearing a blue and white seifuku, was now the keeper, after slipping on a banana peel, falling down an empty elevator shaft, landing on some thick mats, which sprang her into a Secret Door, causing her to hit the two breast-shaped triggers, which spun her into the antechamber for the Dungeon Heart, where she saw Horny sleeping, screamed and ran into the Dungeon Heart room where she climbed up almost all of the steps, then tripped on the last one and landed on the platform.
So, Ami Mizuno, aka. Sailor Mercury, was now the Dungeon Keeper.
"Why was I wearing my Sailor Outfit?" Ami asked.
"SHHH!" A-kun answered.
"DAMN IT ALL!" Horny roared.
Ami Mizuno (Sailor Mercury) - Sailor Moon
Pros: The Senshi have an impregnable lair to train in, tons of allies, and Ami has an assload of powers that can help out the entire team. Setsuna decides she and the other senshi are no longer needed, helps Rei, Minako, Makoto, Hotaru and herself get laid.
Cons: Chibi-Amis prove to be far too cute and cause Usagi and Chibi-Usa to simultaneously lose their teeth. Luckily, Ami can restore their teeth, but they lose them again and again whenever they see the far too adorable Chibi-Amis who perform super adorable dances when claiming land. (See ending for Happy Lesson and Mahoromatic for examples)
Final Decision: MUY PEEF!
(translation: MY TEETH!)
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Got something to add to this feature? Want to write a mini-story of how horrible these ideas might be?
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A-kun Answers Your Responses
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A lot of people, one person especially, seemed to enjoy my responses in Chapter 13. Now, I've promised not to let this segment outweigh the actual story and I intend to keep that promise.
Jerry Unipeg apparently wants me to say "Jerry Unipeg". So, Hi, Jerry Unipeg. Hope you like the story!
I hope you like it too, Gopu.
what?! writes: can you update please!
Happerry writes: Great story A-kun keept it and please update soon.
klunk writes: i like it alot and i'm hoping you write more of it it also made me want to play the game. so thanks
A-kun answers: Done, done and done.
AkScruffy writes: I am SO GLAD you are still writing this story, its great. I still think Ranma should just marry Maidel. FYI; Last month I bought a PC game set containing DK2, the set is called "The Vault of Darkness"
A-kun answers: Coolness. Now, if everyone can go yell at EA to make DK3, we'll be all set!
BlazeStryker writes: Ohh, there are so MANY comments! First off, I am so glad Akane's.. more sensible on the perversion front. Although it seems Nodoka could use the same treatment.
Then again.. NO. I'm fairly sure that if that were tried, she'd become a Mistress just to piss off Conventional Morality. Is the Elite Mistress group taking apprentices?
HEADSHOT! Nice to know Kasumi's into Counter-Strike. Of course, I have to hit Newgrounds again and hear that insane slam on Bad Moderators again. That's Newgrounds, and search for *son biscuit counter strike* but not biscuit. George really hit it on the head.
UN-STOPPABLE! My rant that is.. Here's a line of yours I have to comment on.
A-Kun: Now I've seen 1/8th of all things that exist. What? Did you think I'd say "I've seen everything"? I'm not THAT egotistical... right now. Besides, if I HAD seen everything, I would be either clairivoyant or a really scary ass person.
BlazeStryker's Reply: Actually, you'd either be doomed and damned (knowing your fate is part of it) or bored shitless (pardon the language) from nothing left to enjoy.
Oh Yeah! I'm having decent luck running DK2 on a second hard drive on my XP PC. Still finding new and perverted ways to do stuffs of course. I think the most pain involves that three-prince deal. I do triumph in the end, but it can be fun in a UNfun way if you follow my drift. I'm thinking barricades and steel Doors to seal off hose last couple of Royal Pains.
And before you ask, I cheat the HELL out of it! Hmm. If anybody ever gets the csource for this thing, you think crafting levels/mods of the grand old demon (DK2 of course) is in the cards?
Finally, in closing, I honor you for remembering the Great One's chilling laugh (I think you used the one at the end of his Stately Rap in the Michael Jackson song/video *Thriller*.)
Yours (if you bribe me enough),
BlazeStryker
Postscript: There IS a weapon of mass destruction in Harmonia, but it's a smart weapon and thus has better taste than to kill a bunch at once. It's name? Horniculus (Horny), the Horned Reaper.
Later!
A-kun answers: So many things to answer to.
Ironically, I don't even have an X-box or a Gamecube. I'm so l4m3xx0r! But, luckily, I have the fact that Nodoka doesn't know what they're like either. She simply picked out all of the most popular games she could find.
Actually, knowing everything doesn't make life boring. It's having a lack of imagination. Sadly, that part is usually destroyed when you learn everything there is to know.
I think the mini-games are far less fun than Mission 19. I mean, forcing you to meet rather difficult requirements is one thing, but giving you a time limit as well? I cheated when I thought I wouldn't make it. I think the principle of cheating was pretty much built into the game, especially on the seventh level: you need stone bridges, but they just give you shitty wooden ones, they force your dungeon heart to be exposed and send an an assload of giants your way.
Another source of interest: Prima actually made a guide for DK2, but it cuts off at a few points and starts the next chapter abruptly. A printing flaw? It also doesn't include anything in the 1.7 upgrade, which includes the Widows and the Elite Creatures.
I know crafting skirmishes is possible with one level design tool I've got, but getting mods is something for someone a bit more skilled than me. Besides, making Horny into a card would be silly! >_<
Actually, it was the first time I heard Vincent Price's laugh, back when I first saw the video (back in 1986, I think). Gave me a nightmare. ^_^;;
Yes, but I think the Geneva Conventions exclude living entities smaller than Kaiju Class (i.e. Godzilla) from being WOMD.
Lord Aries Greymon writes: Funnyness gaolre.
I shiver at the thought of Horniculus beating Akane. Not because of who he's beating, but rather the many ways he could do so.
As for Ranma and the slumber party, I would've had several more people playing Halo. I also would have fled at the mentioning of 'porno'.
The idea of a Dragon working for the police appeals to me.
I also like the explanation for how Arrows and Crossbow bolts can pierce the armor, yet nullets cannot. What does that mean to someone with a tank though?
And the Pokemon? Pure inspiration there.
Gotta go!
Sincerely,
Lord Aries Greymon
A-kun answers: Actually, your mentioning of Horny beating Akane made me think of "beating your meat", which instantly transformed into this strange image of Horny smacking Akane with a salami.
I haven't played Halo, sadly, as I don't have an X-box or enough room on my hard drive. However, if I had chosen another game, someone would have bitched, "whY n0t H4ll0, b3T(|-|11!1!1!!!". _I_ would have _entered_ the room at the mention of 'porno' combined with girlish squeals.
As does the image of the police yelling to a criminal, "STOP OR MY DRAGON WILL EAT YOU! AND HE'S GOT _KETCHUP_!"
It means they better have more than one. A direct hit or the explosion from the shell hitting the ground is about all that might hurt the knights. And since the magical cannons deal about half of the damage a tank shell can (maybe only a quarter at their worst), the knights just have to have healers on hand to keep their HP up.
Thanks.
Weresmilodon writes: p.s. one of the saddist things about DK2 is it won't work on anything but windows 95,98, & ME... without crashing.
A. Huh. Well, actually, it still crashes on Win20. Just not very frequently.
As for that, you should try to install an No-CD patch. That's the only way for me to get it working in XP.
A-kun answers: XP? Oh, you meant the windows operating system, not the smiley. My bad!
Rannath writes: I found something(s) Ranma hasn't been crossed over with yet... I won't be telling and the fic won't be up until it's COMPLETELY finished. all I'll say is it's a David Eddings book that isn't the Belgariad (which has been used).
A-kun: Good for you! Now, we're one step closing to freezing hell over and getting rid of the vile people behind "Panzer Dragoon" the anime (the games are INFINITELY better), "Beyblade" and "Battle Cancan"!
GhostDragon writes: kewl story. how did i miss it? i cracked up at cologne's response to ranma teleporting a few back. neways, keep em comin.
A-kun answers: Actually, I was SORELY tempted to have her use Perry White's infamous line of, "JESUS AND MARY IN TINSEL TOWN!" Then I remembered she would have some other idol to follow and probably mention "Bangkok whorehouse". While infinitely more hilarious, highly inappropriate.
overearth writes: It is hard to find a really good crossover. This is a good one. Keep up the good work
A-kun answers: I'm flattered. I was beginning to think I was just screwing around. Oh wait, I am...
Happosai-sama writes: Ok, I read the whole thing on one sitting and... I love this story! I went to your website to read the lemon parts which were pretty good, short but nice. I personally never played this game but now I just might ^_^
Looking forward to reading the next chapter.
A-kun answers: I'm always embarrassed when it comes to lemon scenes. I always blush and wonder if I should even do it, at the moment when two characters are about to fully "do it". I usually hem and haw for about an hour to two weeks, then I finally say, "what the hell?" and keep going.
I'm frequently worry something I write will strike everyone as really weird and drive them away forever.
Coincidentally, I'll cuss like .... well, me.... whenever I want.
Tatsu_ZZmagr writes: HEHEHEHEHE
About bloody time ya updated, i was begaining to think ya were dead.
that was a tad small but he at least i know you didn't abandone it.
Any way heres a typo i think "Princess Horny was having a blast playing Halo" shouldn't that be honey?
Later
A-kun answers: I stand by my word! It's PRINCESS HORNY! HAHAHA! No, I'm kidding, you're right. I'm not going to correct it though. ^_^
I don't abandon stories. They're on permanent hiatus.
.........................
Okay, I abandon stories.
GorunNova writes: Your fic was terrific...at the beggining. but now that the returned to nerima YOUR STORY SUCKS LIKE HELL. you would have een better off finishing it b4 they went back to this dimension.
i mean come on, the idea is pretty lame if you think about it. I would prefer ranma to turn evil and rule the world than this.(actually i really enjoy evil ranma fics, but tahts not the point. Your fic has lost all attraction to me right now because there is jsut no excitement. well this guy i know told me to write a flame so don't hate me for it. I'll give you a clue he is an author and his name also starts with A but ends with a K. anyways THIS FIC SUCKS AFTER YOU LET RANMA GO BACK TO HIS HOME DIMENSION. Actually it wouldnt have been so bad if you didnt let him keep his dungeon and have the other keepers returning with him. I say you should've just made another crossover or let him summon only horny and lundar. wouldnt have turned ou so bad if you didnt let them all come to this world and for gods sake WHY THE HELL DID YOU NAME IT HARMONIA!
A-kun answers: GorunNova had a number of good points. I _have_ let the story slip a bit since returning Ranma to Earth. Particularly in the challenge that Ranma faces. I'm hoping to fix that, but right now, I have to be _realistic_ and have him deal with political challenges. I also have to answer GorunNova's complaints.
The biggest problem, GorunNova, is that RANMA'S PRIMARY GOAL WAS TO GET BACK TO EARTH! IF HE DIDN'T GO BACK, THERE WOULDN'T _BE_ A STORY!
It _is_ an interesting idea of trying to cut off Ranma from the Dungeon Heart or limit who and what he could summon. But, that's not how my mind works. It's like a lighthouse. It only has one way of operating and that's it. I write by the seat of my pants. I plan maybe a chapter or two ahead with some things, but that's ultimately it. If I have a single clear concise goal, I can work with it, but the instant I start thinking of other possible long-term achievements to accomplish, the story shuts down. Ranma's goal was to get to Earth and that was the ONLY thing planned in advance. How he got there was planned later and who he took with him were planned even later than that (I was going to have him head home with only Maidel at one point).
And I didn't NAME Harmonia, that's it's game-given name. Even if I had decided on the Harmonia is Atlantis thing in advance, which I _DIDN'T_, I still would have kept it.
I may write a sidestory alternate universe version thingy about how things might have turned out, but ultimately, things would likely devolve into the exact same path that it's in now, especially when Ranma sees how poorly things really are in his homeworld, it would just take longer for Ranma to make that decision.
As for the "Ranma turns evil" bit, Ranma managed to get through an entire war without turning evil. How? He didn't have many oppurtunities to see what fun evil has. Now that he's home and no longer has that main goal of returning ahead of him, he's slowly going to begin a spiral into... moderately evilitudemess.
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geocities.com/tokyo)