by White-cat
Aniki ...
Forgive me.
I hope that your heart - the part of you that will never forget - will forgive me, for what I’ve done. I know how much you wanted me to give all this up, as you had, and start a new life with you, far away from Nakago, and Yui-sama, and Suzaku no Miko.
I wanted that, too. I honestly did.
The idea of an actual home, of a real family, has always been a precious dream for me.
Ever since the day the soldiers came into our old village and killed our real parents - that is what I wanted.
And when it was finally offered to me, I had to turn it down. I had no choice.
There is no way I can abandon Yui-sama; not now. She needs me ... she’ll need all of her remaining Seishi, now Ashitare and Tomo are dead, and that the Genbu no Shinzaho has been found, and the Byakko no Shinzaho is close. She understands me, almost as much as you used to; we’re alike, she and I. The single most important person in our lives have betrayed us, somehow - Suzaku no Miko merely came back for her Tamahome, not to find Yui-sama; and you ...
Why couldn’t you have ever told me you were alive? Don’t you know how much it hurt, being ripped from sleep and feeling your absence?
Do you know what it felt like, being ripped in half?
I can’t blame you for that, though. I understood your motives, once I saw the new life you had built for yourself. When I saw the old woman holding your hand and whispering a name - your name, now - and the way both she and her husband crowded close to you, I understood.
They love you, probably almost as much as our real parents might have. But they loved the new you; the part that was Kaika, not Amiboshi; the one that had no connection to the Seiryuu Seishi.
And who most certainly did not have a brother.
So I did it, for you. I let you go, and gave you to the elderly couple you called your parents.
The drug you wanted for me to drink - the one I gave back to you - it will let you live out this different life peacefully, without ever grieving for me, and the path I have chosen.
For that, I’m glad, even when I hurt inside.
It’s not a lie, when they say twins share a soul.
You do understand, don’t you, aniki? You’ve already done your part, in this great mess that everything’s become - your presence caused the destruction of the Suzaku Shijin Ten Shou, which spiraled into a thousand other things. And somehow, along the way, you changed your mind about our enemies, and, instead than fight them any longer, you fled; cutting yourself off from the rest of us - cutting yourself off from me.
But other than what I did to Tamahome’s family - which, in the sad light of reality, was for nothing more than my own insane desire for revenge ... I have done nothing.
As a Seiryuu Shichi Seishi, and one of Yui-sama’s protectors, I have a duty.
I love her, and she needs me.
I love you, but you don’t need me, any more.
That’s why I have to go back to her; why I can’t stay, and help rebuild a real life for us. Even if I wouldn’t remember anything from the past, you still would, and your new parents would question you about me ...
Who is the boy with your face, Kaika? they will want to know. And they will continue to plague you with questions, until it becomes too much for you, or me, to bear.
I don’t want to be a burden for you, aniki.
I know I have been, for most of our lives - no matter what, you were always an unfaltering guide for me; in a real sense, both brother and father.
The only way I could think of to pay you back was to leave your life forever.
I hope you know that.
Tears seep from my closed eyes, and I scrub at them furiously. Other from the time when I first felt your disappearance, and when I left you, lying in the eyes of your mother, I have not given into tears.
I. Will. Not. Start. Now.
No matter how much it hurts.
I know I did the right thing. I don’t regret my choice - not much, at any rate. You would have been miserable, if you had come back to the Seiryuu Seishi - and, knowing your sense of loyalty to those you love, you would most certainly have followed me, if you’d known what I had intended to do.
But that’s over, now. You’ve chosen the road you will walk, and I have chosen mine.
There’s a good chance we’ll never see each other again. We’ll go through the rest of our lives, never knowing how the other is faring. I will never be able to visit this little village again - the sight of you, happy and unaware, would be too much for me. I’d break down, and then I would try to talk to you, or something idiotic like that.
So, I’ll fade from your life, aniki, as I did from your memories. I will go back to Yui-sama, and I will protect her with everything I have - including my life. Nakago will have no reason to call you back, or to use his magic to remove the drug’s block on your mind. I will work hard enough for both of us.
I will be both Suboshi and Amiboshi. I’ll make you proud of me, aniki. Just you wait and see.
With that thought, I rise to my feet, and look over my shoulder; one last, lingering glance at the village that is now your home.
Amiboshi is dead. Long live Kaika.
But remember, whatever small part of the old you remains -
I love you, oniisan.
Sayonara.