Greetings fellow searchers for the insane! And welcome to another one of my pointless fiks where I give Veggie-boy a bad name and well, generally annoy the crap out of him.

Vegeta: I'll get you for this, baka.

^_^ I'm sure you will. Won't this be fun?

Vegeta: If you value your life, you'll put an end to this...now.

^_~ Poor Veggie. He should be used to this by now. I've done worse. But he's just so much fun to poke fun at. Aren't you Veggie?? *Squeals and pinches his cheek*

Vegeta: (Inhuman snarl)

Oh well. This story is rated R...yes, that's right. A big fat stinkin' red R. Why? Well, because this includes Vegeta, and where's there's Vegeta, there's violence, swearing and a whole lot of mass explosions and deaths of innocents. For all you kiddies out there that can't handle my usual vulgarity and perverse concepts, you had better not read this. Because my stories are very strange.

See, I'm insane. If you don't know that already, I am ^_^ And being insane is fun.

So be afraid, be very afraid.

Ooh! And all you extreme Veggie-worshippers, one of which I fall under the category of, you'd better be prepared for a whole lot of out-of-character-ness (I made a word!) for the Prince, okies?

*****

Vegita stood still, very still within the quiet solitude of the seemingly harmless room and tried very hard to decipher a plan.

Well...he was stuck in a room.

He frowned, his brows knitting together as sweat dripped off his face. He tried not to think about the fact that he'd been stuck in the same room for the last hour wandering aimlessly in a circle. It damaged his pride so when he thought about how degrading it was that this seemed to be a very simple room to escape from.

He'd already seen four children dash by him and seem to materialise through some unseen hidden escape route. When he tried the same thing, he would bump into the same mirror that looked exactly like the one's all around him.

Yes, Vegita, Prince of theSayajins, was stuck in a funhouse.

How utterly embarrassing.

What would Kakarott do if he could see him now?

He got up and began pacing again.

How diabolical these Humans were. They must have sat for hours in a darkened room to think of such a hideous creation. A room filled with mirrors. Obviously, their offspring had been taught by birth how to carefully make their way through the contraption.

They seemed to find it quite hilarious to see the look on his face when they knew the way out and he didn't.

He could envision the guard at the front of the house now. Appointing some innocent yet ruthlessly evil child through the house to carry out their plan. "See that man with the disturbing hair?" he'd have said, "Make sure he doesn't get out. Alive."

They probably even had rifles.

A shriek filled his ears while a two-foot tall girl wearing something hideous ran by his legs cackling.

He reached down to grab her by the leg and only succeeded in being beaten by her savage weaponry.

He screamed in anguish and lifted his head to quickly detach the 'thing' from his forehead.

Pink ice cream covered his face.

The girl ran from him giggling. Then she was gone.

He growled. In two seconds, he could foil their plans and final flash the entire building. But Bulma and Trunks were in here somewhere as well. No sense in getting them killed over his temper. No, he had to use his brains to get himself out of this situation.

"Dammnit..." he cursed, walking over to the nearest mirror. He looked at his reflection for a second, then reached out to run his hand over the glass.

It was solid.

His reflection wavered and became deformed for a second before he suddenly saw the secret to the children's success. There was a tiny hole at the bottom of the mirror, although you couldn't see it, if you reached to the bottom your hand would pass through.

He lay flat on his stomach and began to squeeze himself through.

After much screaming, growling and four letter words he realised he was stuck. Yes, Vegita had apparently wedged himself inside a heating duct.

Little did he know that before he had crawled inside that it was just a trap, a horrible trap.

*****

The Guard outside the FunHouse tipped his hat over his eyes and took a sip of beer. The small girl in a red dress ran up to him and tugged impatiently on his arm.

He glanced down. "What?"

He could tell just by looking at her expression that she had completed her job.

"The scary man with the hair problem is gone!" she said gleefully.

"Very good my little Nazi." He said.

*****

Trunks walked down the row of deformed mirrors. Idly he wondered where his parents had wandered off too. Goten was supposed to be here somewhere too.

He shrugged and licked his blue ice cream cone, seeing that he'd suddenly come to a stop in front of a row of mirrors.

He stepped in front of the first mirror and saw he was suddenly wearing a brown trench coat and a blue ribbon around his neck. He was saluting.

Scared, he moved over to the next mirror.

There he found himself so muscular that he wondered how the mirror managed to fit his entire build into the reflection. His hair was blonde, and he was wearing spandex, not unlike his fathers.

He moved along.

The last mirror frightened him the most. He was wearing a cute little dress with little stars and pretty things. He struck a cute little pose and pointed a finger skywards. "JUSTICE!" he cried.

*****

Back in the heating duct, Vegita promptly had a vision of his son in a dress. It only hurt him more.

*****

Bulma was having problems of her own. "Where in kami's name did he run off to?" she wondered impatiently, tapping her foot on the ground with her hands on her hips.

*****

Vegita groaned, lying face down on the cold floor. At least nobody was walking by.

Except a passing guard or two that didn't ask him what was wrong as they valued their life.

"Excuse me Sir..." one guard timidly asked.

The pink faced Vegita lifted his head.

He wore his 'I'm-going-to-brutally-disembowel-you-now' face of almost certain annihilation. You know the one; pulsating veins on the forehead, bloodshot eyes, snarling, slobbering, quivering jaws.

"Never mind." The guard said, and quickly ran off.

Vegita snarled.

He snarled again for good measure.

Then he screamed.

He craned his neck to get a glance behind him. His legs jutted out in strange positions, and the metal of the duct dug painfully into his stomach.

No matter.

He wasn't going to explode.

He wasn't going to blow the place up as much as he wanted to and prove Bulma right.

He could just see her satisfied, cocky little grin. "I just knew you'd lose your temper." She would say.

And besides, it wouldn't do any good to blow the place up. He didn't mind that he'd kill innocent people, but if he blew his son up, then Bulma would probably not sleep with him for months and make him eat take-out...if he was lucky.

He clenched his fists and tried in vain to squeeze through once more. He got stuck even tighter. He sighed.

If only he had a twinkie. Or a Big Mac...a blizzard....a nice, juicy steak...

*****

Trunks stopped dancing in front of the mirror. He was receiving a telepathic message from his father. "Dad?"

"Shut up and listen...Trunks...I...need your help right now."

The situation was urgent. His father was speaking to him in a somewhat civilised manner.

And if that wasn't strange enough, he had also risked wounding his pride to ask for help.

"I'm..." Vegita struggled with the words, "I'm stuck in a heating duct."

There was silence between their communication. Then Trunks burst into a fit of laughter.

There was a deadly silence at the other end. Trunks decided to shut up. "Um...okay."

"And I want you to know that it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't agreed to come to this stinking human death-trap."

"Okay."

"And I don't know how in hell you're going to help me but pray to your gods if you DARE tell anyone of this. I would have to kill you."

"Okay dad." Trunks replied.

"Just hurry up okay? I'm deflating here."

*****

Vegita sighed and sank back down. Not only would he have permanent scars, both mentally and physically, he didn't know if he'd ever be the same again.

With a sudden realisation he noticed he was hungry.

Damn his Sayajin appetite.

He hadn't ate anything for at least four hours...maybe five. As disgusting as his wife's cooking was, he could smell her pancakes wafting in through some doorway and into his nostrils. His mouth watered, and a bead of sweat rolled down the bridge of his nose.

No, Vegeta. You won't go insane. You won't become frantic. There's no excuse to turn up like the author...there's no reason to panic. Trunks will be here soon...and he'll bring...he'll bring...wait-

Vegeta shut his eyes and concentrated on contacting his son.

Once again he could hear his voice, loud and clear in his senses. "Trunks?"

"Dad?"

"Bring some Bon-Bon's, brat."

"Uhm. Sure..."

"Hurry!" ...And he'll bring bon-bon's.

The little chocolate hedgehogs... "Trunks!"

"What!?"

"Bring the little chocolate Hedgehogs! Hurry dammit!"

...Yes, the hedgehogs. Lot's of them. Vegita sighed and closed his eyes. Yes, his brat would be here soon. With hedgehogs. The kind that melted in your mouth and... No! Wait! The little colourful ones...the red one that was always screaming at the yellow one!!

"Trunks!!"

"What now!??"

"What melts in your mouth and not in your hand?"

"..."

"Dammit brat, answer me!"

"...M&M's...?"

"Aha!" Vegeta cried, as if he'd discovered a cure for aids. "Yes! M&M's! Bring lot's of those!"

"...alrighty then..." Now, he could finally get the rest he so rightfully deserved. Closing his eyes he rested his hands on his chin and awaited the sweet, sweet ambrosia of Chocolate...

Right at that very moment, the radio above his head flicked to life. "AND HERE WE ARE, BRINGING YOU THE BEST IN TODAY'S MUSIC! ROCK 101!! NOW SIT BACK AND GROOVE WITH THOSE LUCIOUS HOTTIES, THE BACKSREET BOYS!! AND THEIR NEW SINGLE, LARGER THAN LIFE!!"

Vegeta promptly screamed.

*****

Bulma flicked a glance to her watch, stole a look around the park and sighed. "Stupid husband...I'd better go look for him. He's probably got Trunks doing something absurd again- "

"Bulma?" She looked down to see Goten tugging on the hem of her dress. "Where's Trunks?" he asked, his eyes wide and curious. "I can't find him anywhere."

Bulma sighed once more and took his hand. "Come on Goten, let's go look for him, he'll probably be with his father."

*****

Vegeta's head snapped up as he felt the approaching Ki of his son. "Trunks!!" he withered in his entrapment as he came into view.

"Tousan? Here's the...M&M's you wanted..."

A scowl crossed Vegeta's face. "What about the Hedgehogs??" he raised his voice, sounding slightly detached and high pitched. "You did remember to bring them, didn't you!!??"

Trunks inched away, ever cautious of his fathers sudden and violent acts of spontaneous rage. "Uhh...they didn't have any...but, I did get some Runts."

Vegeta's eyebrow quirked. "You killed some weakling children?"

"Ahh!" Trunks put his hand behind his head and laughed nervously. "No, I mean the candy. Little fruits...? Y'know...?"

Vegeta reached his outstretched hands towards the bag in his son's hands. "Never mind that! GIMMIE!!"

Trunks hastily tossed the bag into Vegeta's hands. "Augh. 'Bird food'" Vegeta mumbled, stuffing his mouth with the candies.

Within seconds they were gone.

"TRUNKS!"

He snapped back to attention. "Yeah?"

"Bring me a beer!! A FROSTY BUD!! MAKE IT SNAPPY!"

Trunks stared. "They won't give me beer, dad."

Vegeta started foaming. "Look Trunks." He wiped his mouth with his hand and clenched his fists. "I've been stuck in here for four hours...I have pink god knows what on my face and I'm unsure of its origin, but it's probably acid or something like that. I've had to listen to what sounded like animals being tortured on that device in the corner, and...and...now you say you can't bring me a BEER!? And...you forget my Hedgehogs? What kind of world is this? I'm tired and my feet hurt! But please!! PLEEEEEASE tell me you brought me some donut grease!!! I'll just DIE if I can't rub it all over my body!!" He was abruptly rendered unconscious.

Trunks blinked. He pondered whether to check his fathers pulse or to curl into a ball and have the heebie jeebies. After much pondering he decided on trying out the roller coaster a block down.

*****

A half hour later, Bulma and Goten wandered into the Funhouse.

"Okay Goten...you check the magic doors, and I'll look in the mirrors. I'll see you back here in five, alright?"

"Hai!" he nodded and ran off.

Bulma sighed and set out, not sure she was ready for what she might see. It was a rare possibility her husband could be having fun...maybe even eating cotton candy.

But what she saw confirmed she wasn't ready for it.

Vegeta's spandex clad legs stuck out from under the furthest mirror in odd angles.

There was a puddle of pink ice cream pooling around his boots. Oh, she wished she'd brought her camera. It was truly a kodak moment.

"Vegeta!?" she leaned down and touched his leg.

He jerked. "WOMAN!?"

"What the hell have you got yourself into this time?"

"It was an accident!! I SWEAR!! IT WAS A TRAP!! THERE'S CITRIC ACID ON MY FACE!! OH GOD BULMA, YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME!!"

Bulma was silent. She sweatdropped. "Okay...Just hold on..." She moved to get up to the other side, careful not to nudge the traumatised Vegeta.

"Oh! JOY OF JOYS!! THIS IS ALL I NEED!! TO STARE UPON YOUR LOVELY FACE!" he cried when she came around into view.

Bulma wished she could say the same.

Chocolate covered 99.9% of her husbands face along with drying spittle.

"WOMAN!!??"

"What?"

"GET ME A BEER!!! OH, SAY YOU CAN GET ME A BEER!!? HOW LONG I'VE YEARNED FOR A BUD!!"

"Alright Vegeta, just hang on."

"DOOOOOBIE DOOOBIE DOOOOOO!!"

"Quit thrashing!!"

"WARK!! WARK!"

and that was that.

fin.

Madame Danish of France

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