THE REVENGE OF FUNIMATION(c)

Greetings group! And welcome to my latest creation! You see, rather than being upstairs in my house to help my mom with chores (shudder) I avoided it and came down into my dungeon of insanity to write another fik out of boredom.

Well, for all you dubbies, one of which I am, I thought it would be kinda hilarious to see FUNIMATION(c) get it's revenge on all who hate them, which should probably include everybody on this planet... =( They ruined a completely awesome Anime and turned it into a kiddie show!

Any ways, hope you like this one.

It's a PWP of course, so for those of you who can't follow the plot-less please take the nearest exit to the right. This fik includes my usual. Vulgarity, Insanity, Perverse concepts, and mass explosions ^_^ and of COURSE, I had to torture Vegeta. It's my big rule in life.

Vegeta: (grumble grumble) Just you wait, bitch. Just you wait...

^_^ Oh cheer up Veggie!

Vegeta: Have I mentioned I dislike being refereed to as 'Veggie'?

^_^ Uh huh

Vegeta: I know where you live. I have an Uzi.

O_O Okies....uhhmm...on with the fik!!

Jessypoo's warning: SPOON(c) rates this story with a big fat red R Why? Because it involves a bit of YAOI and swearing. 'Nuff said.

Danish's final warning: I don't usually write that kinda thing...So I thought I'd try it. It's all Jessamyns fault! She poisoned my mind!! (Ahem) anyways, enjoy!

CHAPTER ONE: INVASION!! GAY SALAMANDER! AMAZINGLY PRETTY MAN!

It was a bright shiny day in the land of DragonBall Z. The birds where chirping and the deer's were frolicking, much to the disgust of the Prince of the Sayajins, who was sitting sprawled out on his porch with a nice, big, ice cold glass of lemonade.

He yawned, looked towards the camera, and discretely poured the remaining bit of liquid to a puddle at his feet. Why? That, remains a mystery. Or, you could just say Princes don't like to be accused of doing anything that would fall under the category of being; Un-Prince-like. Which would range from drinking lemonade, watching teletubbies, or organising Tiddly-Wink re-matches.

Anyhoo, it was just like any normal day for the Briefs family, or should I say the family with no last name...and the Son family.

Nothing could have gone wrong. It was too damned sunny. There were too many birds chirping, too many children watching Disney films inside the capsule house....

"WOMAN!!" Vegeta shattered the tranquillity.

A few moments later Bulma stepped out in a huff. "You bellowed?"

"Damn straight. Get me a beer."

She screwed up her face. "Give me one reason why I should..."

Vegeta rolled his eyes skywards. "Listen Woman. We're on national television. Be a good girl and get me a Bud...come on now, it won't be that hard. Chop chop!"

Bulma debated hitting her husband with a blunt object and returning to her household chores, but thought of the outcome and quickly decided to succumb to his needs.

"Don't grind your teeth like that, woman. It's not becoming for you."

"AUGH!!"

Vegeta sat back into his patented 'Comfy Chair' and gave a long, leisurely sigh.

It was then that the horror began.

It's almost too horrible for me to repeat....

Thunder rumbled, lightning crashed, and the sun promptly left the sky to be replaced by a dark rain cloud...or was it a huge international space ship?

"..." Was Vegeta's instantaneous reply.

And slowly, it began it's descent on the planet Earth. And even more slowly, perhaps to draw out dramatic emphasis, the hatchway slid open, and there stood something no sane person would ever hope to see.

Lord Freiza in french undies. He took a gander around, folded his arms, and spotted the Capsule House. And then he spotted Vegeta, who was repeatedly pinching his left arm in a desperate manner while at the same time averting his eyes.

Just as slowly as he had stepped into the light, he was joined by his right hand, The amazingly pretty man. Who was, as I described, amazingly pretty. He was also refereed to as; He who wears the Acorn bindi of almost certain death(tm).

And he was standing on one leg, like he so often liked to do. Looking much like a flamingo.

Vegeta stared. He stared some more. And then, although it was quite uncalled for, he leaned over his rocking chair and took the moment to politely vomit off to the side.

*****

Vegeta: Wouldn't you do the same thing?

^_^ Sore wa himitsu desu!

Vegeta: I don't know why I try....

*****

"All hail Lord Freiza." Zarbon, the amazingly pretty man, called out to all who cared to hear in a monotone voice after being elbowed in the side.

Vegeta regained some senses and stood up, now joined on each side by Chibi Trunks and Goten.

"Tousan! Who is that?" Trunks asked, not sure if he wanted to know entirely.

Goten was standing and rubbing his eyes.

We begin to wonder if he is doing so because of the sunlight or for other reasons...

"Don't look brat!" Vegeta hissed, then stepped closer to the ship. "You're dead." He called up.

Zarbon looked bored. He flipped his braid over one shoulder and flashed a cocky grin. "I am also amazingly pretty."

"I fail to see your point. Why and how the hell are you here?"

(A tall, gawky looking blonde with horn-rimmed glasses and freckles who was at this point, hunched over a keyboard, looked up and giggled. As if that explained everything. His nametag read; Brian. Funimation(c) VP)

"Funimation(c) sent us." The amazingly pretty man said. "They want revenge on all who dislike their company. To quote; There shall be Hell to pay, and what a mighty hell it shall be' end quote."

Vegeta looked thoroughly disgusted. "And this is their almighty hell? Beautiful men and a giant salamander in French underwear?"

A silence reigned.

"That is correct, my fuzzy petunia." Spoke Freiza, who hadn't said much since he'd arrived. "It's been a while since I've had the glory to gaze upon your sweet, spandex clad body. What a horrible few years they were..."

Vegeta's left eyebrow began twitching.

Freiza was stepping into his Harley Davidson Wheelchair of almost certain annihilation (c). "You don't know how long I've waited to see you."

Vegeta resented being called A fuzzy Petunia. He also resented the fact that a giant male Salamander in French Underwear was attracted to him...

Freiza slowly floated to the ground, adjusting his Viking helmet. "And who would these little boys be?" He licked his lips, eyes growing wide.

Trunks cringed and Goten took cover behind Vegita's leg.

Vegeta didn't say anything. He only reached his hand out, which was slowly starting to glow.

"Now now. Let's not fight, Vegeta. We do come in peace, you know." He held up his hands to show he was unarmed. A Latex(r) condom slipped from a presumed secret compartment under his armpit and plopped to the ground. Freiza giggled nervously and stole a glance to Vegeta, who had his 'I'm-going-to-brutally-disembowel- you-now' face on in all its glory. You know the one, bloodshot eyes, bulging veins on forehead, snarling quivering lips, dilated pupils. "You're so cute when you're angry."

"And you're so cute when your limbs are scattered halfway across the globe!!" Vegeta screamed, sending a ki blast straight for Freizas head.

There was an unearthly scream as Freiza was propelled backwards.

Vegeta pulled his trademark smirk and folded his arms, watching the dust settle. "Damned lizard."

"Papa?" Trunks called cautiously. "Is it gone?"

Vegeta looked down to his son, nodded once and gave a snort. "Of course he's gone. I blew his head clear off."

"Umm...."

Vegeta shot an annoyed glare at Goten. "What, brat?"

"L-Look!"

He did. There was Freiza, getting up from the ground with a sigh. He brushed himself off, straightened, and grinned to Vegeta. "I love it when you get coy!"

As was expected, Vegeta looked both horrified and insanely angered.

Both Goten and Trunks noticed this and took it as a sign to make a quick and hasty exit.

"BAKAYARO!!" Vegeta screamed. "How dare you mock me!!"

Freiza walked over to him and slung an arm around his shoulders. "Listen, My fuzzy Petunia. You cannot escape my wrath...err, my attentions. You see, I exist now only to fulfil your greatest sexual fantasies...I'm a gift from Heaven."

Vegeta was quivering as he began to fully understand the urgency of the situation. "W-what do you mean? I have Bulma for my sexual fantasies, you freak!"

Freiza made a pouting expression. "Why do you resist me? I live only but to serve you, petunia. Shouldn't this make you happy?"

Vegeta threw him off and fired another Ki blast at his head. When the debris settled, and he was done panting, he gasped only to feel Freiza right by his side again. "That was point blank! You couldn't have escaped that!!"

Another sigh. "Your futile attempts are useless against my charms." Freiza replied simply, running a finger down Vegetas chest. He looked up and grinned. "What say you invite me in for a while...we could...talk..."

Vegeta stalked into the house and ran into Bulma, who was carrying his Budwieser. "Talk my ass."

This seemed to excite Freiza. "Yes! We could indulge in a conversation about your ass! How fascinating that would be!"

Upon seeing Freiza, Bulma dropped the beer and screamed. "WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE!!??"

Freiza gave her a grin. "Pleased to meet your acquaintance. Where did you get that dress?"

Bulma recovered somewhat at the mention of a compliment. "Err, you're not here to kill anybody, are you?"

Freiza put a hand to his forehead in mock-distress. "Gasp! Me, harm anybody from your wonderful family? What kind of a heartless creature do you think I am?"

A heavy silence followed.

Vegeta tugged on Bulmas arm, dragging her into the kitchen. "He'll be here for a while...better get used to it..."

Freiza followed, motioning to the amazingly pretty man, who flipped his braid once more and gave pursuit.

Upon entering the kitchen, Freiza gasped once more. "Those curtains!! They match so well with the cupboards, don't you agree Zarbon!?"

A grunt.

"And this china set! How adorable!! You must tell me where you shop, Bulma!"

Bulma stood in awe, watching as the giant pink lizard wandered around her kitchen, poking and gasping at everything within breathing distance, and yet tried hard to ignore what he seemed to be wearing.

"Well..." she started, loosening up a bit, "You don't seem that bad of a person."

Freiza looked up and blinked. "Why, who told you I was?"

She nervously began twiddling her thumbs. "Oh, in case you don't remember, you tried to kill us all years ago."

Freiza looked appalled. "My goodness!! How thoughtless of me!"

"Yeah. Fifty lashes with the wet noodle." Vegeta mumbled sarcastically from his corner of depravity.

"Ooh!! You promise?" Freiza giggled.

Vegeta paled.

"So, um, why are you here, exactly?" Bulma asked when the awkward moment had passed.

Freiza took a breath. "I am here to only serve my master."

"Your master?"

The amazingly pretty man, who hadn't said anything much either, decided to give his input. "Vegetable head."

Freiza gave him a silencing glare. "Quiet, you."

Bulma looked remotely uncomfortable. "You...you...have a thing for my husband...?"

Freiza nodded, walking past her towards the living room. "I was brought back to life in order to fulfil a sexual fantasy in Vegeta's life that he's been missing lately."

Bulma got defensive. "I serve well enough in that department!"

Freiza ignored her. "I'm like those...those...oh, hell. What do you call them, Zarbon?"

The amazingly pretty man looked oblivious. "Uhh....??"

"You know! The little bugs!"

"Aphids?"

"Right!" Freiza exclaimed. "See, I'm like an aphid. You hate me because I'm here for a reason that you don't approve of, and I'm an pain in the ass to get rid of."

Vegeta perked up at this. "You won't be here forever!?"

"Goodness no." Freiza looked sad. "I'm also like an Angel. I come to complete my job and then I must return."

"Pffth." Vegeta scoffed. "Angel. That's a friggin' good one."

"You don't approve of my being here?"

Vegeta gave him 'a look' and Freiza took it the wrong way.

"Don't. Touch. Me."

"Ooh! I like 'em feisty!"

Bulma, for lack of anything better to do, dove between the offending Salamander and her husband. "That's enough!! If you have to be gay, don't be doing it in my house, thank you!"

Vegeta snarled. "He won't be doing anything gay that involves me any ways, woman!!"

Freiza gave another one of his sad puppy face looks at Bulma as she yanked him off Vegeta.

"If you're going to act like that than leave!"

"Sorry. Can't."

"ARGH!!"

The brief fight was interrupted as Trunks walked into the room, followed by Goten, Goku, Chi-Chi, Piccolo, and Krillin.

Everyone stared. There was a huge silence.

"See!" Goten tugged on his father's arm. "There he is."

Freiza clapped his hands and turned to face the group. "Well! If it isn't Goku! And...you guys..."

he motioned to Krillin and Piccolo, who stood open mouthed. "..."

"Cat got your tongue?" Freiza implored.

(Jess: And here is a nifty plot device that lets Freiza explain the whole ugly mess to the others so danish don't have to! Ta daaa!!)

Krillin sat down, uncomfortable, on one of the couches in the living room. "Let me get this straight...you're here to...pleasure...Vegeta?"

Freiza nodded. "It's what I live for."

Krillin nodded. "Um."

"No hard feelings that I killed you, right?"

He looked up, with an utterly savage expression.

And when Krillin looks savage, people laugh. "Sure."

Vegeta tried in vain to sink even lower into his recliner that anybody could have thought possible. "I have nothing to do with this...nothing, nothing...bakas."

Goku took the moment to insert one of his infamous stupid remarks about the situation. "Sure you are, Vegeta! You're the main love interest!"

Vegeta scowled. The man was insufferable. "Shut up, Kakarott. I didn't speak to you. Therefore there was no reason for you to say anything at all."

Goku smiled any ways. "Okay!"

Bulma clapped her hands together in a manner that suggested the end of the conversation. "Alright, it's getting late. Why don't we all retire for the night?"

Everyone started to get up.

Freiza giggled again. "Night time activities! Oh, joy of joys!"

Vegeta visibly whimpered and inched closer to his wife. "No, Freiza. You have to sleep outside."

He calmly placed his hand over Bulmas and pushed her away. "No, that isn't acceptable."

Bulma put her hands on her hips and shot him the ice-melting glare that could rival Vegetas. Even the toughest of men were known to cower in its presence, and giant male Salamanders were no exception. "Does that not compute!!??" she screamed into his face.

Freiza paused. "O-okay. Outside it is." He slowly inched away backwards, taking the amazingly pretty man from the corner by the arm, and towards the back door. "But..." he paused to reach for the doorknob, "Just wait!! Just wait till you've left him unguarded!!" he finished with a scream and a burst of maniacal laughter.

The door slammed.

Silence followed.

Then, the door quietly opened, and a pink hand reached in ever so carefully and plucked the rose coloured 'Thanks for being you' doormat from it's place and sucked it outside. The door closed once more.

"Ooh...pretty."

Bulma gave her husband a sympathetic look. "You know, I'm hoping this is all just some horrible dream, Vegeta."

"YOU are?" he snorted, pulling her upstairs and into their bedroom. "Have you the slightest idea what this means to my sex life?" Bulma said nothing, and turned off the lights.

CHAPTER TWO: NO DREAM, BULMA!! WAKE UP AND SMELL THE SALAMANDER DROPPINGS!!

And no, Salamander dropping's are not a pleasant thing to wake up to in the morning.

"Good lord Vegeta!" she moaned, waving her hand in the air. "What the hell is that smell?"

Vegeta didn't say anything. Perhaps it was because he was sleeping, or perhaps it was because he chose to ignore her for even insinuating that he had cut the cheese. Besides, Sayajin farts were much more smelly than anything imaginable.

Bulma learned this after she had made him a dinner that consisted of cabbage, beans, and a whole lot of mandrin oranges for dessert. See if she ever did anything stupid like that again.

She couldn't say another word before a motion in the corner of her eye caught her attention. "YOU!" she pointed to Freiza, who had been sneaking up on the sleeping Sayajin.

"I do have a name." He pouted, sounding hurt.

She lunged for him when he started to pull the covers from Vegetas body. "Not so fast!!" she grabbed him by the throat and he gurgled.

"Wait! Stop! Desist! I was only-"

"Shut up!" she snarled into his face. "Now would you kindly explain...THIS!!?" She pointed to a pile of shit in the corner.

(Dramatic chord)

"Yes, I can explain that. Those would be my dropping's."

Bulma let him fall to the floor. "Clean that...that...CRAP up, and do it fast! You sonofa- "

"OOOOH GOOD MORNING BULMA DEAR!! DID YOU SLEEP WELL??" Mrs.Briefs bounded into the room in a flourish of cherry petals, carrying a broom in one hand and a frying pan in another.

Her mere presence set Freiza 'a smiling. "Who would this young man be?" she cried in her overly happy manner.

"Umm...this is Freiza. He's going to be...err, visiting us for a while."

She looked overjoyed, if you can imagine her looking any happier than she already does 99.9% of the time. "OOH! How quaint!! It's always nice to see a new face around here! How do you know him, Bulma dear?"

"Ahh, he's an old....'friend'...of Vegetas."

"Ooh isn't that lovely!" she reached a hand out to Freiza who took it with gratitude and gave her a grin. Obviously, Bulmas mother was used to the presence of strange alien beings. Why, she hardly blinked an eye when Bulma informed her she was sleeping with a vicious alien with a tail that had no other interest but to kill her friend and take over the world. She found it quite normal that her daughters best friends son's hero was a tall giant green man with a turban that liked to drive Toyotas, sniff crack, and eat small children on his spare time.

..no...wait.... that's not quite right...

"Why don't we take this young...man...into the kitchen and show him my infamous pancake supreme recipe hmm?" Freizas face lit up with delight.

"You'd do such a thing!?"

"OOH!" Mrs.Briefs put a hand to her cheek and laughed. "How polite you are! Yes of course! Come! Come!"

Together they vanished, leaving Bulma with Freizas recent steaming pile of dropping's.

*****

Many miles away...in the deep recesses of a deep dark cave where slimy creepy things like to dwell, there came the faint distressed cry of...

"AUGH! Help! My Red Irish ass is slowly having the life squeezed out of it!" Yes, Jace, third member of the Ginyu force, was stuck between two rock formations. And it was not a pleasant thing to have happen to ones body, especially if that ones body is preened and pampered with the most expensive French creams and oils money can buy.

But the situation was quickly fixed when Recoome, aka 'Big and Dumb', came and yanked him from his hold and dumped him to the floor. "The problem with you is you haven't mastered the 'ass shrinking' technique. You're really deprived." Recoome made it sound as though it was a most hideous and inexcusable crime. Jace preferred to ignore pondering how Recoome, who was ten times the size of him, had somehow managed to cram the black spandex clad monstrosity that was his ass through the rocks and he couldn't.

Well, he supposed, he was really fucked now.

How degrading...

"Come on guys. Let's just get going with this, alright?" he whined, picking himself up off the floor. "Aren't we supposed to find this..." he paused to glance at a map, "Capsule house?"

Burter grunted. Recoome scratched his head. There was no reply from Captain Ginyu, who had switched places with a ballet bar and silenced himself forever, or Guldo, who had suffered a hernia of mass proportions and died a gruesome death a few miles back.

Yes, the remaining Ginyu force had intentions only a bit unlike Freizas. They were here solely to annoy, strike gay poses, do queer dances, and generally be lame and scare everything within a five block radius.

The only drawback was, they were stuck in a cave.

"Hurry up!" Burter growled from the front, leading the way. "We've got to get out of here before the Vampire bats wake up!" he finished with a purposeful look at Jace.

Jace blinked. "Vampire bats? Aren't they those ugly little creatures that have a talent for getting stuck in peoples hair?"

Burter nodded.

Recoome was currently staring at his hand as if he had never realised it had been there before.

"They love hair. Especially big, pampered, clean and shiny hair."

Jace looked horrified. "They're....they're after MY hair!!!?"

Burter knew it would be enough for encouragement.

Jace tore out of the cave, leaving a trail of dust in his wake.

*****

The amazingly pretty man sighed, flipped his braid, as was customary, and watched Freiza as he 'bonded' with the housewife. "How quaint this silver is, Bra!" Freiza said, as he was currently engaged in making an apple pie. "And this apron! It matches your eyes so well!"

Mrs.Briefs blushed and laughed once more. "I'm so glad you like it!"

Zarbon snorted in disgust. He really despised the new Freiza. These Funimation(c) freaks were really out to kill them all, weren't they? He wished Freiza would just go back to the usual brutal and incoherent freak he used to be. Anything would be better than this torture.

It was then that a knock sounded outside the door. He turned and took a gander out the window, drawing back the curtains.

Another painfully handsome and amazingly pretty face peered back at him.

The two's eyes locked.

There was a moment of silence, before the knocking resumed, more quietly.

The amazingly pretty man hesitantly opened the door.

My god! Look at those legs! And that hair! He must use herbal essences...

Jace blinked at Zarbon. God almighty! Just look at those leg warmers!! What fine muscle toning! And that hair!! He's just GOT to use pert plus...

"Ahem..."

"Err, hello."

"You've changed, Jace." The wind tousled the amazingly pretty mans hair, although there was no breeze.

"No." Jace said dramatically. "I haven't. But you have."

He turned away, blinking rapidly. Soap opera music began playing softly in the background. "You've...come back, though."

"It won't matter. You love...HIM...don't you."

"He loves another. My heart is alone in this world."

Jace turned back to him, looking him up and down. "Enough of this treachery! I demand to know where you've been shopping!" he crossed his arms.

The amazingly pretty man's expression turned to one of definite un-pretty-ness. "I won't!"

Jace stepped forward. "You will!" he hissed.

"Who the hell are you!?"

Jace blinked and looked over the amazingly pretty mans shoulder. "You've been staying with a blue hared anaemic earth weakling?"

"This is Bulma." The amazingly pretty man explained. "And this is her household. And this is where I will ask you; Who has been doing you hair, dearie?"

Jace bared his teeth. "You dare mock the beautiful tranquillity of my majestic hair?" he shook his head, and it bounced for emphasis. Ye gods. What volume...

Bulma interrupted the battle of the conceited pretty men long enough to get her point across. "You another weirdo Alien that wants to live in my house?" she sounded bored.

"Well...yes."

"I thought so. C'mon in...I won't question why you're here, it's obviously got something to do with torturing my husband. The bathrooms are that way, unless you're like Freiza here who lacks proper etiquette and prefers to use my bedroom as his personal dumping grounds. There's a few rules, though. You can't eat anything that moves, unlike some people try to do from time to time around here."

Jace looked at the green cloaked thing hovering Indian style in the air that she was obviously indicating.

"And clean out the shower after you use it."

Jace looked back towards her. "Err, can I bring a friend? Or two?"

"Or three?" Bulma asked cautiously, looking like she was awaiting certain doom.

"No. Only two..."

"Thank god...."

"..."

"Go right ahead." She waved her hand. "But stay away from my husband. He's the one with the disturbing hair. I'm sure you're tried to kill him in your past life, so I shouldn't have to describe him in great detail." She promptly walked away.

*****

Recoome walked in behind Burter, gazing around in awe at the inside furnishings. "Woah! Some cool digs, man!"

"This place probably has it's own zip code!" Burter added with his own little flare, most assuredly trying to sound remotely impressive and failing miserably.

Apparently, the Ginyu force, although prized for their superhuman strength and ability to dance like no other, were treated shamelessly back in the days of Freizas empire. For simple and easy to assemble use, they had been crammed into pokeballs.

Yes, you heard me.

Pokeballs.

They took up a lot of space. They weren't used to seeing 'nice' homes. Although, having a gay salamander in your home would hardly be rated as 'nice' in my books. But that's not important

...any ways...

Burter rounded a corner, gave a lingering glance to the amazingly pretty man who looked quickly away, and spotted his old Lord. "Freiza! Long time no see eh? How's it been hanging?"

"Short and shrivelled and always to the left." Came another voice.

Burter turned to see Vegeta descending the staircase, rubbing sleep from his eyes. Once at the bottom, he clenched his fists and screamed. "FEE FI FO FUM! WHO THE HELL TOOK A SHIT IN MY ROOM!?"

(Well, no, actually, he didn't really say 'fee fi fo fum')

He couldn't say another word before Freiza glomped onto him. "Petunia!!" he shrieked.

Burter covered his ears.

"I baked you a pie!"

Vegeta screamed and fought to tear Freizas death grip from his midriff. "I DON'T FRIGGIN' CARE!!" He stopped in mid struggle. "Wait...did you mention food?"

Freizas eyes sparkled.

Burter looked for a toilet.

"Your favourite! Apple pie!"

Vegeta finally got him off and stalked over to the table. He snorted. "Fine. But only because I'm really damn hungry."

Freiza placed the pie in front of him and proceeded to sit in fascination to watch the muscles in Vegeta's jaws work as they ground the pie up.

"You're so perfect..." he cooed. "Even when you're eating."

"Even when I'm eating? What the hell else is perfect about me?" Vegeta asked, suddenly curious.

"He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake..." the amazingly pretty man was humming quietly.

Freiza shot him a glare.

He rolled his eyes skyward, looking angelic.

"Suddenly I'm not hungry anymore." Vegeta pushed the pie away, then turned to Freiza. "And you'd better not watch me when I'm sleeping, you punk ass mother fucker."

And he walked away, leaving Freiza to wonder if he'd just been horribly insulted, complimented, or threatened. "Is he flirting with me?" he asked to nobody in particular.

Trunks wasn't far behind him, rubbing sleep from his eyes and wearing his favourite pyjamas. With a yawn he plopped down in his respective chair which was at the front of the table whenever his father wasn't present, and stretched. "What's for breakfast?"

He noticed Freiza was watching him with a peculiar intentness. Trunks shifted uncomfortably and looked for his mother. "Mama?"

Bulma walked over from the fridge. "Yes sweetie?"

Trunks motioned to whisper in her ear. "That scary dudes watchin' me, mom."

Bulma ruffled his hair. "Now don't you worry Trunks. He's only after your father's ass, not yours."

Trunks was rendered silent. "Oh." He buried his face in his cereal and tried to ignore the staring.

CHAPTER THREE: THE GINYU FORCE'S HORRIBLE REALISATION! THE SOURCE OF ALL POWER!!

Well, at least that means the end of them...

Trunks stopped in mid stride, holding the milk carton in one hand. What was that he heard? Was it...the television? It wouldn't be his dad. He never watched T.V. said it rots your brain. Trunks didn't pay much attention to his warnings, though. He was rather fond of watching anvils falling on people. Besides, his dad never came downstairs anymore since the salamander guy had started living with them. Not unless he was fully armed with a chainsaw, plastic explosives, and a rabid wolverine.

As he peered around the corner he realised it was one of the freaks. One of the freaks. Which one? There were five of them... Oh. It was the Irish one. It was hard to tell. There was the Australian one, the animal sounding one, the Irish one, the slow one, and the womanly one. "Jace?" he thought that was his name.

The white cotton ball resembling hairpiece moved. "Yeah, kid?"

"What'cha watchin'?" Trunks asked.

Jace blinked. "n-nothing...shouldn't you be in bed?"

Trunks noticed the mans pants were down and he was quickly trying in vain to seal up the lubricant and change the channel.

Next on 'Playmates'...watch as we explore the-

The purple 'MUTE' words appeared on screen.

Trunks remained oblivious.

"So...what're you doing up so late?" Jace asked once his pants, (black speedos, to be politically correct) were in place.

"I can't sleep. Can I watch t.v with you?"

"You know...I'm really busy kid...."

"Please!!?"

Jace thought it wise as not to anger the kid. He'd heard about halfbreeds and their temper tantrums. Most didn't get out alive. "Sure." He patted the space beside him.

Trunks eagerly sat down.

Jace didn't say anything, but instead handed the remote to Trunks. "Here. You pick. Just steer clear of channel 69, okay?"

Trunks agreed, and started flipping channels. Nothing looked to interesting, nothing much except for a man with a bandanna and a greased chest wearing leather pants and a sparkly belt who was dancing wildly across the stage he was on.

Actually, truth be known, it looked rather frightening.

Jace lunged at the screen. "Who is that!!??" he cried, pointing with a gloved finger.

"Ummm..." Trunks paused, then looked for the channel guide. "Lord of the Dance?"

"LORD OF THE DANCE!? THAT'S MY TITLE!! THAT'S THE GINYU FORCE'S TITLE, DAMMIT!!"

"Shut up, will you?" Trunks asked, annoyed. "People are sleeping, you dumbass."

With an Erie shock he realised he was starting to sound a lot like his father. As if being almost identical wasn't bad enough...

Jace calmed himself and sat back. After a while of watching the mans antics, Jace spoke up. "I must have it."

"What?" Trunks asked, curious.

"His source of all power."

Trunks looked at Jace.

"Yessssssss....the belt...his source of ultimate powah..." For added effect, thunder boomed loudly in the distance.

"His belt?"

"Don't you see? When the other guy stole his belt, he just started to suck! This guys a threat, man! We can't have him upstaging us! We have a reputation to uphold, dammit!"

Trunks nodded. "Uh huh." He said without much feeling.

"So," Jace said, getting up from the couch, "I'm going to have to leave. I need to get the belt. Sure, it'll be dangerous. But it's what I must do. The Force is feeling threatened...I have to make this sacrifice."

Trunks looked unsure. "Isn't the force that skywalker dudes trademark?"

Another silence.

Crickets chirped.

"You numb nuts, I meant the Ginyu Force. Now try not to be to upset...because of my leaving and all. Tell Lord Freiza to get a life...but leave out the part about me saying it, alright?"

"Uh huh."

"I'm off now. I'll go wake the others...you go back to sleep. And remember...stay away from channel 69. Those are words to live by. You don't want to turn out like me, do you?"

Trunks quickly shook his head.

Jace grinned. "That's a smart boy."

And then, without another word, he pulled out a harp and was promptly gone.

"Thank God." Was all trunks said, as he lifted the remote and switched on the glow-in-the-dark button. "Now...where was that 69..."

CHAPTER FOUR: FREIZA GETS DESPERATE!! WATCH OUT, VEGGIE!!

Vegeta rolled over with a groan, having a sudden bad premonition. When his hair stood on end, even more so than is usually does, and his eyeball twitches, it could only mean one thing. He opened one eye. Freiza peered back at him, lipstick and all, giggling madly.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

*****

The amazingly pretty man watched in fascination as Freiza plummeted three stories to his almost certain death by exit through Vegeta's window. He landed with an audible squeaky toy sound effect a few feet away.

"Good morning. How's the project coming?"

Freiza got up with a huff and brushed himself off. "He just won't give in to my charms."

The amazingly pretty man rolled his eyes. "I wonder why that could be."

Freiza looked enraged. "You don't have enough faith in me, that's your problem, Zarbon!" He cradled his head in his hands and prepared to sob. "I've spoiled him with gifts! Compliments! I kissed his ass...literally!"

Zarbon didn't look amused. "Not while he was aware, of course."

"And still he eludes me! DAMN HIM!! Why must he toy with my feelings like this? I even slaved over a hot stove to bake him his favourite pie!" He wandered away, mumbling to himself. "I only have today left! ONE DAY!!"

*****

Vegeta slowly walked into his son's room. The bed was bare. What the hell?? Well, he could only be one place... And there he was, remote in hand, snoring loudly.

"Brat!" Vegeta shook him.

Trunks bolted awake, eyes wide. "dad?"

"What the hell are you doing?"

Trunks looked at the T.V screen, some of the last nights events replaying in his mind. "Hey dad?"

"What!?"

"Can we get a motorcycle? Chicks really dig them, dad."

Vegeta sweatdropped and sat back down next to his son, who was mumbling something about 'Hustler' and bikinis. He could hear Bulma screaming at Freiza for more of his 'accidents' since he seemed to be having bathroom problems again.

The amazingly pretty man was...well, he was just there. Like he always was at convenient times. Which was always when Vegeta didn't want to look at him. Always there...watching...staring...flipping that damned hair of his.

Where the hell did this madness begin? And why the hell did it have to happen to me? Well, he mused, at least the Irish freak and his carnies seemed to be gone.

^_^ It'll all come to you soon, Veggie. Or should I say, Petunia.

Great. Voices in my head....

...And here is what they said...

There was a scene of a darkened hallway. The paint was peeling, the plaster was cracking. The whole foundation was literally falling apart.

Yes, it was the beginning of the Authors sad attempt at wrapping up the ending.

The doorway to the first room opened. With a loud creak. A very loud one... And inside, it was none other than... DA DAAAA!!! The Author! And her partner in crime, IHBG! (Which stands for, Insane Happy Blender Girl! AKA Jessypoo)

And, the two advocates of the devil. The President of FUNIMATION(c) , Jeffery, and the Vice President, Brian.

And they seemed to be looking at something in the girl's hands. "We trust you're returning our specimens in good health as we asked?"

"Of course."

Jeffery didn't look convinced. "They're all here?"

"Every last one."

"Alright then." The two men stole a look around. "Nobody saw you come here? We can't have word of this getting out, you know. We don't usually do this sort of thing."

"You mean you don't like to lend out your licensed DragonBall Z characters to just anybody?" IHBG cried just loud enough for everybody to hear.

"SHH! Of course not...we could get fired!"

"But you forget...this wasn't just anybody. This was Madame Danish of France! And IHBG! Authors of the insane!!"

(Da daaaa!!)

"Yes yes! Now get a move on! And please, try not to let anyone see you! This is dangerous business!"

"Of course!" The Author replied sweetly. "Can we have just one last look?"

Brian gave them a sour look. "Alright Alright but hurry up!"

They did, peering down into the glass covered box that held all the important DBZ characters, who had been stored in their respective jail cells.

Most were screaming obscenities at the two humans who just giggled and waved. A stone faced Vegita sat with a blank expression, not moving at all.

"Look at Krillin. Doesn't he look so.... "

"Frantic?" suggested IHBG.

"...Cute?" Danish decided on.

"Yah. He sure does. Now let's get going. Thanks again to you two for letting us borrow these little guys for our own torturing needs!"

"Your welcome!" Jeffery waved, slamming the door behind them.

FIN>

Authors Notes: How'd ya like it?

Vegeta: Do you really want to know?

^_^ Yes

Vegeta: I'd like to skin you alive and dump you in rubbing alcohol.

^_^ Cool

Vegeta: (facefault)

^_^ Oh, well. Hope to see you next time! Same time, same channel, same- ahh, as Jessamyn once said; screw it.

A thousand Vegetable happies to all you snoochies out there!!