I have written this fanfic some day ago at school: I wrote it straight off and I doesn't know how, why and when the inspiration has come me, but it to my judgment is one of the stories more precious that has never written.

Perhaps somebody won't like how this story ends, but it is most adherent to my narrative style: those that know Rayearth will know how to answer to many of the questions that constitutes one of the main themes of this fanfic.

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 What is happened?

By Pat-chan

 

I lean the pen on the sheet and begin to massage my temples: my new pupils don't know what is the grammar. I look at his photo and sigh: they are past six months from the accident and his smile is still a child's one.

" What is happened, honey? Why just now that we need you, do you have left? You that are up there and see all; can you tell me why our baby girl is so sad? I thought that she is missing you, but something is tormenting her soul. "

I decide to do a break and prepare two hot chocolate's cups; I then go on the porch and I see her work eagerly with her portable and consult texts. I lean a cup close to her arm and I caress her hair.

" Mama?"

I smile and I sit close to her; then I embrace her and I cradle her softly.

" Fuu, sugar, you should not work so much, it isn't healthy: you nearly seventeen years old and you should live your youth. Try to be happy."

She embraces me and hide the face on my breast; something of hot and salty dampens my shirt: it is from the last time that she has gone to Tokyo Tower with Hikaru and Umi that she is in these conditions. I caress her head and peeps at her books: quantum physics, avant-garde mathematics, some texts about the probable existence of parallel dimensions -something about bubble soap- and calculuses, mountains of calculuses, whole notebooks and notepads and sheets of paper full of calculuses and theorems and demonstrations. Could somebody consumes the own existence making calculates? Why, I wonder, why waste the own life in something of so sterile? What does torment her in this horrible way?

" Dear, I know that you are missing: also me and your sister is missing your father. "

" It is /he/ who I miss! I know well that dad can't go back to us, now I'm get used to the idea. But /he/ is still alive, and now as now the only way for be together it is that /there/ something must happen of extremely serious!"

" How... how do you can still love a boy that has broken your heart and has left you in this state?!"

I try to don't shout to not further upset her. As support to my thesis, I feel something move against my side.

" If don't want to do it for you, must do it at least for him."

I whisper with sweetness, I place a hand on her stomach petting it tenderly and I feel the child answer to my touch. With which courage anybody could left alone sixteen years old with a child? Why this is happened to my baby girl? I imagine that these questions won't ever find an answer.

I glance absently the copper and gold colored leafs dance in the wind; Mrs. Lane greets us with a wave. Perhaps my husband’s death's only positive thing is that I have been forced to go back to my father, so now I could protect my daughter and the child from the Houojii's clan. I remember very well that day. The police officers were communicating us the misfortune when Fuu fainted; in the hospital they told me that she was three weeks pregnant and that the shock wouldn't have helped the child. When I foolishly suggested her to break the pregnancy, she looked at me as if I was a stranger.

' This child is all that I have of him.'

After all these months his words still resound in my mind. If my father-in-law knows it, he would do the possible to erase ' this shame ', as he would call it. Fuu is calming down and she after a bit she loosens the embrace.

" You are right. Now... now I go to do a nice hot bath."

" This is the right spirit! And after the bath, we'll go shopping: we must buy so many things for my grandchild! And January becomes more and more close!"

Little before go out, Consuelo calls me.

" Betsy, could you go to the bank to pour the home loan's installment? Your father should have gone, but you know that not there could trust much of him!"

She concludes winking. I laugh: once my mother -that God has her in glory- became infuriated because my father had forgotten to pay the insurance.

The counter's queue is not very long, but there is a man that is chatting with the employee; I look at a Fuu sat on a plastic chair and an old woman is speaking her happily. Fuu smiles to the woman and shakes her head. I go back to look at the line and before me there is a boy very excited that pours his first salary. Finally my turn comes.

I put the receipt in purse and walk toward Fuu, who waves her hand. Suddenly the people screams and throws on the floor; the air fills with cries and a deafening trill. I see a man with covered face grab my daughter roughly, clearly not caring her state, and throw her to him with a hand on her breast full of future milk: I don't like the way in which he treats her, I doesn't like the way in which he looks at her and above all I don't like the way in which he speaks to her the ear. I could not allow him to hurt her! I feel something of cold, round and metallic press against my temple; anybody yells behind me but I don't hear the words: my attention is on my daughter and on that man that doesn't have any respect of her. How much time is he past from the beginning of all this? From how much time does this gun threaten to kill me if I move? From how much time does that man handle my baby girl as if is a prostitute?

The police storms in bank and any robbers run away; the one that has my daughter in hostage, threat with a knife. I don't see what happens, I don't remember it: of these instants in my mind there is the more total obscurity. The first thing that I see is blood. So much blood. I see Fuu tighten protectively her womb and bleed. Too much blood. The ambulance darts through the city roads in a desperate race toward the hospital. The paramedic tries to oppose the huge loss of blood. I tighten his hand for make her courage.

" Don't worry, it'll be fine."

But not even I am very convinced of what I say: the wound is too serious, too much deep, and my baby girl doesn't do anything else other than to lose blood. In the emergency room my anxiety doesn't calm down.

" The stab has caused a detachment of the placenta and an internal hemorrhage: it looks as if the child has not suffered damages but your daughter has lost too much blood. Perhaps we will save only him."

The doctor tells me these words with professional detachment. I feel the world crash upon me and tears gush out spontaneously from my eyes: why does this have happened? Why, after my beloved Seichiro, must I lose Fuu too? What sense does this have? A nurse hands me a handkerchief smiling weakly; through the glass I could see the doctors try to save my little girl: there is a constant traffic of knapsacks of blood -they enter floods, they go out empty- and dozen vermilion cotton's wads. I stay with the eyes fixed in the room as if I'm living an ugly dream, a nightmare, the worst of my life.

" Mrs. Houojii, your daughter's conditions are stable now; however we must execute as soon as possible a caesarean or the child will die: you can speak her but you don't stay for a long time because she is very weak."

I nod and come in the room: there is a sickening odor of disinfectant and fresh blood. I hate this odor; it is the same odor of each hospital room that I have known: the odor of the room in which my mother has died in Sacramento; the odor of the room in which Seichiro has died in Tokyo; the odor of the room in which perhaps Fuu will die here in San Francisco. The course of the two ECG and their constant beep, the soft respirator's blow and a light trembling of her body show me that there is still time to do something. Fuu stretches me the hand longing my support; I sit close to her, I feel a shiver along my back when I see a thin plastic tube enter her arm and infuse vital fluids inside her; I take her hand and I almost leave it for how it is cold -the cold of Death- but I tighten it and I kiss it for warm her.

" ... Mama..."

Her voice is little more than a breath.

" Ssh... don't speak: the doctor wants to subject you to a caesarian. It seems that it is necessary to save the child and I have decided to give them the permission, so they then will take care of you better if...."

" Mama... I know well that I am dying... it is not the first time that I face Death."

I freeze at these words. What do they mean? How does she to be so conscious of her conditions? When and why it was been she found already in danger of life?

" Don't tell foolishness, darling! You..."

" Mama, I want you to promise me a thing: promise me... promise me that you will take care of..."

" Don't be pessimist. You will see grow your son and you will see your grandchildren. Now you think about be calm and..."

" Promise it! And if a day... he will ask you about his father... Hikaru-san Umi-san... they will be able to... answer him."

I nod without saying a word and she smiles me softly. After about half hour the nurses carry her in operating theatre and my cross begins.

My older daughter and Consuelo reach me and together wait that anybody carries us news about Fuu and the child. Kuu tells me that she goes to the cafeteria and wonder if I want something.

" Thanks, but I want nothing."

I take the crucifix that my mother has left me and I pray, I don't remember the last time that I have done it. I pray God, that He doesn't take my baby girl away. I pray my mother, that she gives me her same strength of mind. I pray Seichiro, that he from the Heaven gives me his support. Consuelo kneels in front of me and, caught my hands, she recites a Spanish prayer and she repeats it as if it is a mantra. Kuu has not gone back, she's on the card phone: she must have called Umi or Hikaru to relieve; I see her cheeks damped by tears. I remain in this limbic state repeating the prayers that my grandmother has taught me until a nurse communicates me that the operation is finished.

" The child is under observation in the nursery: usually seven months babies have good chances to survive, but considering the conditions in which your daughter has arrived in the hospital, he could have suffered some damages. Your daughter instead..."

" What is happened to Fuu!"

I shout terrorized: I could not believe that she too has left me! The nurse bites her lower lip.

" There... there was some problems. After the birth a serious hemorrhage is happen: the uterus was atonic and the doctor has been forced to... I'm sorry; your daughter won't have other children. Now she is in reanimation."

I look at the nurse as a stupid and a hysterical laughter storms on my lips: it is not possible; Fuu has only sixteen years and has a whole life before her! Once home I will make her amuse how owed! Because the girls at her age must enjoy, go out with guys and study as enough!

At Midnight I-m called by an emergency room's doctor, the same that had taken care of my daughter as soon as arrived at to hospital. He has a strange look, the look of a person that doesn't like what is about to say. I look at him longing to know.

" Mrs. Houojii, unfortunately I don't have good news for her."

" I had understood it."

" The child conditions are not the best, the detachment of the placenta has caused him some damages, more probably they are reversing; but from the analyses we have relieved a cardiac malformation. Compared to the mother, he has greater probability to survive. For what concerns your daughter.. have been we forced to remove her uterus; besides..."

" Besides?"

I ask massaging my temples: now I am ready for the worse. The doctor's voice is cold as a blade of steel.

" Your daughter is in coma. Well, if you want, now you could see the child."

Kuu hide her face in her hands and cries hopelessly and Consuelo sets a hand on my shoulder to comfort me. Why? Why is happening all this? Why the misfortune calls other misfortune? What do I have done of evil to deserve this? What does have done Fuu, which is her guilt if her punishment is so awful? I shake my head for the umpteenth time to chase these dark thoughts and I decide to see my little grandson.

He is so small and seems fragile holded in the incubator: he resembles a small wrinkled worm with tanned skin, but all the babies are so in the first day of their life. His small hands are clenched in minuscule fists, as if he is holding back the life with his weak strengths; a light and rare blonde down covers his little head -Fuu was completely bald when born- and he looks at me with those gray-blue little eyes as if he doesn't see. I fight against the desire of take him in my arm.

I observe this newborn without name and I think about my daughter, whom lies in a bed in another division, distant from her son: she too is fighting for her own survival. I set a hand on the glass and wonder if at least he will live. What was happened? And why it was happened? But above all, what will happen now?

 

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