Kaoru silently slid the screen to Kenshin's room open and entered, her footsteps making no sound. Quietly closing the screen, she tiptoed over to the injured rurouni's futon and knelt down, just as she had done several times a day for the past two weeks. In the muted light, she noticed the tray of food lay untouched, again. Only a bit of tea had been ingested. She chewed on her lip in frustration.
Kaoru glanced down at the beautiful face of the man who had shared her home for the past year. She brushed some crimson strands from his damp face. The warmth of his skin made her frown as she felt his forehead and cheeks for signs of the continuing fever that seemed to be plaguing him. He shuddered at the touch of her cool hands but didn't open his eyes. Instead, he whispered one of the few words he had spoken since Sanosuke had carried his badly injured body back into the dojo: "Gomen..."
"Kenshin," the young woman said softly. When she got no response, she laid her hand across the bandages on his chest. The powder burns were almost completely gone. Perhaps the broken ribs were on the mend. The cuts about his throat were barely visible. The ugly tear in the flesh of Kenshin's shoulder was beginning to show signs of healing as well. At least the outward signs.
"Kenshin," Kaoru spoke louder, her voice drifting into his ears and his thoughts, stirring him awake. His violet eyes fluttered open and stared dully at her through the darkness of his room. The dark circles under his eyes indicating poor sleep were visible on his face even in this dim light.
"I'm angry with you, Kenshin," Kaoru said, moving the tray of uneaten food away so she could sit closer. Kenshin frowned, shifting his position slightly with a gasp of pain. Kaoru moved forward to offer assistance, but Kenshin settled back down with a sigh of discomfort.
"Gomen, Kaoru-dono," the redhead answered. His eyes searched her face. "What...have I done..." he asked, his voice fading.
"It's not what you've done, Kenshin," Kaoru replied, gently fussing with the bedding of the futon. "It's what you won't do."
"Oro?" Kenshin asked, puzzled by his best friend's statement.
"I'm angry because you still refuse to take Megumi-san's medicine to help ease your pain," Kaoru whispered, taking Kenshin's hand into hers, noting several bruises on his knuckles. "You won't eat. You won't let us help you. And now you won't take the pain killers Megumi-san mixed for you." Kenshin closed his eyes and turned his head away with a moan. His breathing became labored as he fought with his ribcage to allow himself to speak.
"I...deserve...this pain."
"Why? Why do you think you deserve this pain?" Kaoru challenged, shifting so that her body was now over his. She leaned on her hand and put her face very close to his so he wouldn't have to speak above a whisper. Kaoru brushed a few more strands from Kenshin's face and cupped his scarred check. "Tell me, why do you think you deserve this pain?"
"Because...I couldn't...protect you...them...all of them..." the troubled young man answered with difficulty, his voice hoarse with emotion. He closed his eyes so Kaoru wouldn't see that they had filled with tears.
"But you did, baka. We're all fine. Sano's injuries are almost healed. And Misao is thrilled beyond belief to have her Aoshi back," the small brunette explained. "Everyone's fine."
Kenshin slowly shook his head. "Iie...not everyone..."
Kenshin's mind flooded with memories of that nightmarish last evening with ShiShiO. Of the searing pain inflicted on his battered body. Of feeling so utterly helpless as he watched, horrified, as the bandaged demon ran his sword through Yumi's body and into his side, breaking two ribs. Too familiar. This memory was painfully too familiar. Yumi...beautiful, faithful, misguided as she was...how familiar this death seemed. Vivid memories of Tomoe's death flashed through his mind over and over and over again until he couldn't block them out. How many more would die because of him?
And Saitoh. Even Saitoh, with whom Kenshin had found an uneasy truce. Where was Saitoh? He thought he heard Sano telling Kaoru and Yahiko that the slender police officer disappeared when the bridge collapsed. What bridge? Where was he, why couldn't he help? How many more? Was this his punishment, then? That every person he knew, everyone he came into contact with, anyone he would allow himself to get close to, would die because of him. No medicine of Megumi's would ease this pain.
Though Kenshin's eyes were still closed, a tear managed to escape and trickle down his smooth cheek. It didn't go unnoticed. Kaoru gently wiped the damp track with the back of her hand. Her face was full of concern as she leaned forward and kissed him on his scar. He opened his eyes, his violet irises all the more noticeable through the redness because his sadness. His chin began to tremble slightly. His chest ached but not from his external wounds.
"Kenshin," Kaoru said softly, brushing away a new tear from his face. "I can't begin to imagine what you went through all those years ago. I still find it hard to believe that the awkward, sweet young man who stumbled into my life last year could possibly have done any of the things I've come to accept as true. But I tell you, Kenshin, you don't deserve this pain. Not the Kenshin I know. This Kenshin has put his life on the line for all his friends, and now we're at a loss because you won't let us help you. You promised to protect us." Kaoru brought their hands up to her chest. "But how can you do that if you won't let yourself get well? And one of the best ways to get well is to be able to get your strength back. Onegai, Kenshin. Take Megumi-san's medicines to ease your pain so you can start to heal your wounds." Kaoru leaned forward and lightly kissed Kenshin on forehead. The injured warrior reached out and cupped Kaoru's soft cheek in his battered hand.
"Hai," the redhead sniffed. "For my friends."
"For you, baka," Kaoru admonished playfully, seeing she had won this battle. "Do it for yourself. Promise?"
"Hai," Kenshin whispered, inhaling deeply for the first time in weeks. Some of the pain was already subsiding. "I promise."
"Good." Kaoru rose to her feet and quickly reached the door. "I'll be right back. And remember," she wagged her finger at him, "you promised." She slid the door closed and Kenshin could hear her running down the hall.
Kenshin sighed, his hands reaching towards his throat and tentatively rubbed the injuries inflicted by sharp blades. ::I promise.:: He closed his weary eyes. ::I promise...but how many more promises will I break before my life is done?:: Tomoe's pretty face flashed before his eyes. Yumi's face. The faces of his adopted family. Faces streaked with tears. Streaked with blood.
Perhaps it would be best to take Megumi's medicine. Before the pain killed him. But some wounds are so deep that all the medicine in the world won't ease their pain.
The End
Copyright March 31, 1999 Julie Farel
The characters of Rurouni Kenshin are the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki.