Lady
By Crystal Heart
To Erin, for the challenge and inspiration; I think I've learned my lesson now.
To Lobstertail, for being a good audience, and being patient enough to allow for Crisinti
and Augustus not to be together at the end of Book II.
To Betsy, who delved deep into my world of Xilima and Tadamia, and who wouldn't
ever leave me to give up on this story, and who was patient enough to wait for this whole
darn thing to be written. And I guess you can't really tango in a waltz!
To Seema, who listened when I went off on my tangents and helped me write an even
nicer tale,
And thank you to all my friends who edited; it's really tough, and even I wasn't up for the
job myself, so THANK YOU!
*and*
To Augustus Marle and Paris Marle, for starting this whole journey.
Book I
The Lady and the Lord
"Crisinti! Crisinti Savoir! You're stupid, Crisinti Savoir! You're mean, Crisinti
Savoir!"
A taunting seven year old boy ran in front of me...he was rather short and could
hardly be called "handsome." He had the air of a snob, running with puffed up pride,
knowing that if I tried to talk back or hit him, I'd be in trouble...he was the guest. I
looked at my little patent shoes and bit my lip...I had to act grown-uppish...think
adultish...small pools of sea drowned my eyes, as they started to brim over and trickle
down my cheek.
I turned to him, and said softly, futilely, "I am not! Stop it, Augustus Marle..."
but it seemed that he only started to enjoy his taunting even more, for he started making
faces and yelling even louder, "Crisinti Savoir is ugly! Crisinti Savoir is stupid...all girls
are!"
It had been two weeks of THIS. I had met this obnoxious boy a whole two weeks
ago. It felt as if it had been much longer than that, because the fact that I absolutely hated
his company and the other fact that our mothers would not let us go anywhere without
each other made these two past weeks last a lifetime. We had met under the impression
that we were to be best friends, for our mothers were best friends, but what resulted was
far from friendship. It was obvious in the minute I met him; we would not get along.
His eyes were a devious gray, with an easily-read expression of mock. However,
he had that trick. That trick that allowed his total expression to change when he looked at
my parents, or his, for that matter. From the moment I met him, when he was forced
forward to kiss my hand, I saw that expression in his eyes, that expression that had
already decided to make my life miserable.
Being six years old did not help. If I were older, I might have dismissed him as a
little boy that shouldn't have deserved another thought. But I was six, and he was seven,
so he was older. Therefore, I thought he ought to have behaved better. However, he did
not.
And now, here we were. I had been sitting on the patio of my castle, looking at
the sky and dreaming. It was so beautiful, the clouds were so wispy today, they looked
like white fairy dust. The sun was bright, and I had to squint in order to keep too much
sunlight from blinding me.
I loved spring, everything was new in the spring, even IF it was too muddy to
walk around in my favorite white dress. I had settled back in the chair I had set outside
with me, dreaming of a castle in the clouds that I was going to live in someday, with my
prince charming, whoever he was. And I smiled, almost asleep with the sunny content I
was feeling. Nothing could have spoiled my mood.
Augustus Marle came out and started to annoy me.
*Almost nothing.*
This was not fun. I had gone outside so that he could not find me, so that he
wouldn't tease me again. Two weeks of this stretch of nerves was not relieving for me,
and I had complained to my mother and father, who both scolded me for leaving my
guest, and who believed I was not patient enough with him.
*I'm six years old; do they really expect me to be a young lady at six years old?*
And so, I stood here, taking his taunts, his smirks, and his whole being. Taking
his insults was like taking castor oil...swallow it; just take it and go on.
But then I started to cry. Of all things, I had to cry. He loved to see me in pain. I
had cried for the greater percentage of the last two weeks. And now, he went for the final
blow.
"Crisinti Savoir, your brown eyes looks like a cow's, and your hair is black straw.
You are the dumbest person I've ever met, and you are so afraid of getting into trouble
you won't do anything about what I'm saying. What a goody-goody! Goody-goody!" he
laughed.
Finally, the anger boiled to my head and the flaming tide pulsated through my
body. I put up my hands and pushed him off the patio steps until he tumbled into a mud
puddle at the foot of the concrete steps. He sat in the goop, with mud all over his fine
silk-mist shirt.
At first it was shock...I stood there motionless, mortified at what I had done. I
came forward, offering help. He started to get up on his own, turning red as he rose. He
yelled, "I hate you!" and he grabbed at my white dress and shoved me to the ground.
I started pushing his head into the mud and he retaliated by yanking my hair by
the roots and taking mud and throwing it in my face. We grabbed at each other, clumsily
fighting like cats. Nails cut into the flesh of my hand and, looking at the pain and the long
red slit, I started screaming. He pinned me down and tried to shove mud into my mouth,
but, I kept my mouth closed. I vengefully fumed underneath the grip to take mud and
throw it in his eyes. As he was wiping the mud away, I got up and pawed at his face.
However, he managed to move so that I scratched his hand, which he put up in defense of
himself. I screamed in frustration and he in pain as he looked at the narrow red scar on
his hand. We screamed and fought, pulling and tugging, screaming and crying, doing
things that we only knew how to do. The mud was continuously thrown and the
struggled "umphs" and "aughs" came out when they could. I was mad...my pretty white
best dress was ruined because of him. He looked at me with his gray steamy eyes and I
felt that they were ready to burn me. Frustrations and screams brought our parents,
yelling things that we never heard and apologizing to each other for their own child's
behavior.
I was grounded by my parents, told I could not leave my room until I apologized.
The Marles were still staying at Savoir Castle, and would be here until the end of the
spring. It was still early, around the middle of April. *I would have to stay in my room
for another one and a half months?* Finally, after I exhausted the view of Xilima from
my balcony, after two weeks, I decided to get this apology over with, hating myself for
giving into his triumph.
I had walked in at breakfast the next day to find the Marles and my parents
conversing. Augustus sat in a chair, with the look of a perfect angle on his face.
The conversation immediately stopped, as my parents looked at me, "Do you wish
to say something, young lady?" my father asked.
I looked at the floor, tracing the triangular pattern of the dining room with the tip
of my shoe. I had dressed up and gotten ready for this on my own, to show my parents I
was obedient enough to execute this command without their help, or support.
My sweaty hands played in my blue skirt as I lifted my head proudly and said,
"Yes, I do."
I walked nervously to Augustus Marle, and with as much pride as I could muster,
I said calmly, "I would like to apologize, Augustus Marle, for the rude behavior I had
displayed two weeks ago."
He looked at me, and I could see that look in his eyes...the look that was
extremely angry at me for fighting with him.
*You know, I don't exactly LOVE you either. I will get you back for this!!!* My
eyes told him, which startled him.
He looked at his parents, who looked at him with dangerous expressions. He
swallowed, and mumbled, "Apology accepted."
His eyes told me he had not. But then again, I wasn't really apologizing, so I
guess this whole thing didn't really mean anything.
"Don't you have something to say, Augustus?" Lady Marle commanded.
He sat back in his chair, and said carelessly, "Not really."
Angered, I looked to my mother with a bitingly sweet expression, saying, "May I
go outside after breakfast, mother?"
"All right," she said. "But bring Augustus too."
I mumbled an affirmative. So what if he was coming with me; I was finally
allowed to outside.
After breakfast, I rushed outside into the spring air, into my garden, my purple
patch. It was nice to hide in the purple path, even if Augustus Marle was following you
with a storm in his mind. I knew he was plotting something, but I was too happy to mind
his undesired presence.
The next few weeks were rather fun. I simply ignored Augustus, and gave him
the feeling that I was plotting some ultimatum for him. He was always on his toes around
me, and I felt power. I gained the advantage, for he thought I was plottingBut the thing
that bothered him, and the thing that I relished in, was the fact that I had not done
anything. In fact, I was not even plotting to. It felt good to be able to go around, and do
the things I liked, for he was afraid of doing something that would cause the final
rebellion. He was scared, and I loved it. Augustus Marle, afraid of a little six year old
girl!
Another bonus was the fact that since I had started ignoring him, I sensed he was
sulking. He knew he couldn't affect me anymore.
It was the best summer I had ever had.
* * *
It was no surprise, then, when the Marles came back two years later for yet
another visit. I was mad. *My mother should not have best friends.* I thought to myself
as I walked around in the garden with Augustus Marle standing beside me, yawning in
my company.
At least he wasn't teasing me. But it wasn't as if I was relishing in that fact
either, for now, to my firm discomfort, I discovered that Augustus Marle could care less
about what I was plotting. *Darn it! He grew up!* I walked around another corner,
started picking purple aster-violets.
Augustus didn't pay attention, but just walked away to another part of the garden,
and sat down. *The past two years improved him,* I considered. He looked even more
handsome than he had two years ago. If there was anything very startling about him,
even remotely attractive, it had to be his looks. He looked like royalty, and he knew it.
However, he was also very proud. And that was why I refused to think he had
improved in his behavior. How much could one snobby boy change? It was still the
same disgust that etched in his face when he kissed my hand in reluctant greeting. Being
a whole nine years old could not change his dislike for girls. But then again, being eight
didn't change my disdain for him.
I sighed. *A whole summer?*
* * *
As the years came by, and as I started to travel for learning, my parents would
visit the Marles, and the Marles would visit my parents, occasionally bringing Augustus
with them, but I was never there to host them, or go for the visit. It was a relief. My
eight-year-old summer was a cold one, cold weather outside AND inside the house.
I guess I was expecting the Marles to visit the summer when I was thirteen. I
hadn't seen them for seven years. It was over due. But I was quite prepared for the visit.
My father had gone traveling that year and brought back some various books on
mathematics and sciences. I was sure that I could lock myself up in my room and study
all the while the Marles were here.
Father wouldn't disapprove. In fact, he liked that I was studious. He even sent
me to a boy's academy during the fall, winter, and spring. The school was in Xilima, of
course, but far away from my home, and my library, so since I was home for the summer,
I loved it. I could relish in my own books again, a collection of textbooks that had been
building since I first began to read. I could spend time in my room, walk in my gardens,
walk in my woods. Everything was so new again, and this summer would be
entertaining, even with Augustus Marle under my roof, especially since daddy had
brought me some books from his trip.
However, mother would have something to say about this. She was horrified that
father even had the gumption to send me, a FEMALE, to a boys' academy, and thought
that I was getting unladylike. To satisfy HERr, I had to attend to a finishing school in the
neighborhood after classes. I was, after all, a hostess, and had to be taught to be one. I
was also a LADY, which my mother emphasized, which I tried constantly to ignore.
However, I had to actually apply my lady-accomplishments this year, for the Marles were
again coming to visit, and this time, they were actually bringing their entire family...that
meant that Lady and Lord Marle were going to bring Augustus, and his brother, Paris,
whom I had never met. That meant I could actually end up having a pleasurable
companion this summer. Since Paris was older, I supposed that he would be easier to talk
to. Older boys always were. That was what I found in my academy.
I was sitting in my library on a rainy afternoon, tugging my two thick braids over
a calculus problem when I heard a carriage come to the entrance of my house. I suddenly
jumped, and looked out the window.
*That can't be the Marles' carriage! This one horrid nightmare! They were due
the tenth of June.* I turned to my desk calendar, and found, on my little homemade
calendar, that today was the tenth, and scribed underneath, in my tiny print, "Marle
arrival." I stood, shocked.
I rushed out my library, to the mirror that hung over a hall table. I looked
horrible. My hair was in two messy braids which I hastily pleated this morning, in haste
to start on my new math textbook. I loved mathematics too much to just let the
opportunity of a morning slip away. I was still wearing my morning clothes. I had on a
nice robe over my nightgown, and wore my slippers, having dismissed Madriel because
she was trying to convince me I actually needed to change, mumbling something about
visitors.
*Visitors!* So the Marles were the visitors. I cursed Madriel in my mind as I
tried to make a run for my room to change. It was my fault that I sent her away, but it was
her fault to just leave me there! I had just started thinking of what to wear while turning
the doorknob to my room.
It was too late. "Crisinti! Come greet our guests!"
I said a very unladylike word under my breath which I learned from my comrades
at school, and decided that the Marles had to accept me as I was, for I would not be able
to change in time.
At least I was wearing the new robe my mother bought me, which was pretty nice,
a smooth lavender satin affair. The old one was still in my closet, and was worn see-
through and was too short. And at least my nightgown matched the robe, and wasn't all
pouffy...I still retained my figure, which was pretty much the only nice thing about
myself in these strange teenage years. I went reluctantly down the stairs and into the
foyer.
As I entered, I heard a snicker, and I immediately glared at the boy standing in the
corner. *That's Augustus? He looks...well...not bad.*
Not bad in the least. He was taller, and even more handsome. His hair was neatly
combed and he wore a dark green shirt and black pants. Why did he have to look so
handsome? He was fourteen! Where was the acne? This was not fair. I was struck with
adolescent acne, a now very sallow face, being naturally tan, but now pale because I spent
most of my days at the school indoors, and not outdoors. I looked thin, and my hair was
in two sloppy braids, which hadn't been washed for a few days. I blushed at that.
I looked to Lady and Lord Marle, who looked a little confused and amused and
perhaps a little insulted, and curtseyed to them quietly, and said, "It has been such a while
since I have seen you. I believe I was only eight years old when I last saw you!" I
smiled, as I took Lady Marle's hand and kissed it. It was a Tadamian tradition, and the
Marles were most definitely Tadamian.
Lady Marle immediately smiled. She was charmed. "Lucinda, you really do
know how to raise a perfectly enchanting daughter!" I smiled, and blushed slightly.
Lord Marle kissed my hand back and shook it, saying, "I've heard quite a few
stories from your father about how you've been studying away at the books. Seeing the
intelligence in your eyes, I can see it's true."
My mother blushed and said, "I told Stephen it wasn't proper to raise a daughter
like a schoolboy. She's taken too many liberties with her time, and now, we can see
evidence of that!" She looked at me, and I dreaded seeing her anger at having me show
up in my nightgown and robe. Instead, I found a flicker of humor and happiness. She
was pleased. She was proud.
I smiled back and said quickly, "Give me an hour or more, and I'll be back, and
ready to talk. I just have to straighten myself up! I got caught up in something and
forgot today was the day you would come and visit. It was my fault, and I assure you, I
suffered enough to learn my lesson," I said over my shoulder, running down the hall to
the stairs.
Laughter followed me up the stairs.
* * *
I entered the west room after I had spent a hurried hour and half taking a bath and
washing my hair, having Madriel dry it as much as she could and pull it all back into a
French braid, wrapped in a blue satin ribbon. I dressed myself in a white cotton blouse
and a long, flowing blue skirt. I wore a blue vest over my blouse.
I rushed in, with a tea tray that carried one of our best porcelain tea sets and
placed it on the table. "I managed to get some Tadamian tea!" I began cheerfully as they
smiled to me.
My mother looked, confused, into my eyes as I mouthed to her that I had Madriel
buy some with my allowance. Tadamian tea was extremely expensive, and though it did
taste good, our family rarely ever bought it. But I knew, from finishing school, that
everyone, especially the Marles, loved Tadamian tea.
I poured, and silently scanned my memory for the trivial facts I had learned in
finishing school. I took the lemon wedge I had brought with me, and added one soft
squeeze, a teaspoon of sugar and handed her tea to Lady Marle. She took a sip and said,
"Perfect!"
I poured another cup and added two teaspoons of sugar, and stirred it vigorously
and handed it to Lord Marle. He smiled gratefully and took his cup.
I then looked to Augustus, and that was when I realized that Paris Marle had not
come. I didn't really care, having not met him, but I was curious...who was the brother
who had put up with Augustus Marle for so long? I proceeded to make Augustus's tea.
His was the most complicated. I took an ice cube from the ice bucket I had placed on the
tea tray previously in the kitchen, and added three teaspoons of sugar, and a touch of
cinnamon. I then handed it to Augustus, who looked shocked. I smiled triumphantly as I
poured tea and added sugar to my parents' tea, and made tea for myself, which by chance,
the same exact combination as Augustus's, for that was the way I liked it as well.
I sat across from him, and gave him a know-it-all look. He looked upset; upset
that he had lost the chance to stump me. I was glowing inside. *Crisinti 1, Augustus 0.*
* * *
It wasn't that I wanted to impress Augustus, it was just that I wanted to knock him
down so much that he couldn't gather his wit, so much that he would get it into his
narrow mind that perhaps he wasn't the best person in the world.
I wanted to humble him.
As it turned out, Paris was on tour in Trimly, a neighboring kingdom, on some
business, and so had left his family to travel to Xilima without him. I felt slightly
disappointed, I had heard he was very clever, and I would have loved to talk to him about
the things he learned. It was true that I heard that Augustus Marle was as intelligent, and
sometimes more intelligent as his brother, but I was determined to make him have a
humbling experience. He had enough of pampering, swooning dumb girls, and praise. It
was time he learned that there were other people out there just as smart as he, and that
though he was intelligent and undeniably handsome, he still wasn't sweet.
We never did have a chance to actually form a liking for each other. It was all
ruined in the very beginning, when we were young. We couldn't really change the past,
and neither of us had a desire to change the present. We spent this summer as academic
adversaries, for his parents and my parents pushed us to study together. He was a very
intelligent, but I could tell, like me, that though the books were fascinating, the air inside
our study was hot and stuffy, and going outside and having some fun was a better
prospect. And the weather outside was beautiful. But then again, I wasn't going to give
in first, and from the looks of it, it didn't look like he was going to, either. It was like
being six all over again...whatever I did, I had to do it with Augustus. I saw him
morning to night. I had to eat with him, study with him, read with him, and go outside
with him. I was growing tired of his arrogant and sulky presence, and my patience was
wearing thinner and thinner.
But this time, I saw what I didn't see before. I was only thirteen, but I wasn't a
dolt! Our mothers actually wanted us to fall in love with each other, and as I questioned
my mother about this, I found out that they wanted us to get married! In fact, it was
already planned; our marriage was arranged, and we were to wed on my 21st birthday. I
think it was made obvious that she wanted me to charm him when she bought me a new
wardrobe, filled with pretty ball dresses and skirts which were tightly fitted, trying to
make me look beautiful and flattering. They worked, to my horror, and so I hid them at
the back of my closet.
I had to wear such a dress to the ball that was given the last evening the Marles
were to stay. I hated that dress. It was red satin, and entirely too fitting. Madriel took it
into her head to weave a crown of red roses into my hair. It was uncomfortable. When I
entered the front foyer, I caught Augustus's eye, and he offered his arm stiffly. He was
looking pretty handsome himself. I was shocked. His hair was as perfect as it was when
I came running in the first day of his visit. And he wore a formal dark red shirt with a
jacket over it, with nice black pants and his eyes were glimmering in a happiness I never
saw in there before. It was a good change. There was not anything arrogant, or ignoring
in his air, and I was quite surprised to see admiration shining in his silvery gaze. Perhaps
we actually had a chance this evening. Perhaps we could actually get along.
I was thirteen, so of course I was a sappy romantic. I may have been a
bookworm, but I knew there was a boy out there for me, and at this moment, I just had to
ask myself if he was the one, even if I was only thirteen. *After all, most girls get
engaged at seventeen/eighteen, so I'm not a long way off. Besides, I AM engaged to
him!*
He offered me his arm and I took it. We walked formally into the ballroom.
I could feel my mother's excited eyes on us, and I could just see her expression as
she winked to Augustus's mother. They thought they accomplished the mission. I had
no idea if they really had.
The evening was so perfect, and Augustus treated me so nicely, as if I was a lady,
a true lady, not an heiress, nor scholar. I liked the change. In a distant place in my mind,
I asked myself why he was doing this.
He walked me outside, to the gardens, and we sat at a bench for a while in silence.
The garden was always beautiful. I loved my garden. I helped plant some of it. There
were roses, and irises and aster-violets (my favorite flower) and lilies. We were by my
purple patch, and there was just something about purple in moonlight that just weaved a
spell over everything and made everything a hundred times more romantic. I looked to
Augustus, who was looking at me.
Tonight, the moon was full, and it was pale and white, romantically misted over
with a filmy layer of silken clouds. There were islands of clouds everywhere in the sky,
but the sky was still rather clear, and the stars danced in the sky, while we sat on a stone
bench.
I calmly tried at conversation with him. "Oh!" I said, delighted, "There's my
favorite star!"
He took my hand and said, "Where?"
I looked to it, the brightest star in the sky, "There," I pointed, closing one eye to
focus and aim at the star with my finger. His face was at my shoulder and his cheek was
to mine. His hand twined with mine, and pointed into the sky, at my star. "Eros?" he
said, lightly.
"Yeah, the brightest star in the sky."
"I love that star too. I love the story behind it."
"Story?"
"Yes, didn't you ever hear the story?"
"No," I admitted.
He laughed teasingly and said, "So I finally found something you don't know."
I blushed and looked up the star and said quietly, "Please tell me."
"You probably know that Eros is the Roman god of love. Well, it's said that it's
his star because on pretty moonlit nights like this one, eternal love is found by the couple
who sits under it. They say he's out there, in the world, listening, and when people who
love each other look at that star together, Eros gives a blessing to the couple, and
entwines their love into something stronger than anything on the Earth."
"Well, then we better be careful, because we don't want to end up together, do
we?" I laughed lightly, my breathing becoming shallow.
My heart beat faster; it wasn't ever supposed to be like this with him. This was
Augustus Marle, and we never, ever had a glimmer of chance with romance. Something
in my heart told me that it was because we never gave it a chance. My mind was more
practical and stated that it was because we didn't need romance, and that this would just
make things really bad between us.
I was still weighing my thoughts when Augustus cleared his throat. I looked to
him, with a small scowl on my face, frustrated with all the strange thoughts flying around
inside me. As I turned to him, he immediately put his hands on my shoulders and kissed
me.
It was strange. There was no way to describe a kiss. It was confusing,
exhilarating, and thrilling, and terribly wrong all at the safe time. My mind screamed for
me the pull back and slap, but my heart told me to hold on for dear life. My mind won
out and I pulled away, looking at him with fear in my eyes. I wanted to slap him, but my
heart wouldn't let me. *What just happened?* I wanted to leave, run far away from
kisses and strange feelings, but my heart just wouldn't let me. My heart was curious.
Dumb heart.
He was looking at me, with an unreadable expression. All of a sudden, he cracked
a smiled, and I felt a tingle in my heart. The warmth spread to my face and I looked
down at the cobblestone pathway of my garden. *Augustus Marle kissed me! Him, of all
the boys in the world; he was my first kiss.* What mortified me was that I LIKED it. I
liked his kiss, and I liked the warm feeling in my heart right now. My mind was
confused into oblivion, so I didn't listen to it right now. My heart was exposed and I
smiled back to him.
Then, I stood, and ran away as fast as I could.
* * *
I entered for breakfast the next morning, and seated at the last empty chair, next to
Augustus. He was strangely quiet, as if deep in thought about something. My mother
and Lady Marle did not mention anything to make me feel embarrassed about last night,
or the fact that we had disappeared for over an hour. Inside, I gave a sigh of relief.
However, I noted that they no one was really talking. I looked questioningly at
my mother, who was glaring frozenly at Lady Marle across the table. I was scared. This
never happened. With Lady Marle, my mother was as loquacious and as effervescent as
the next town gossip. But the air at this breakfast table was so frozen, I was afraid to
excuse myself when I finished, afraid of shattering crystalline silence.
It felt bad, being in silence, of course, but at the same time, I didn't mind, for I
was not overly eager to try at a conversation with Augustus Marle...not after last night.
After the ball, when I was lying in my bed, I thought of the events of the day, over and
over. My heart thudded, and asked me why I had to leave the story unread, unfinished.
My mind told it to shut up. There was more than enough turmoil last night, and I
was up to the brim with all I could take from Augustus Marle. It was obvious that he had
only been charming last night because his parents probably told him to be, because he
was on stage for the hundreds that attended that evening. It was also obvious that he only
kissed me to confuse me. Since he couldn't tease me anymore, that was the only way to
make me feel this horrible, ugly feeling in my stomach.
Finally, after the longest breakfast in my life, I followed my father and mother
meekly to the front door.
Augustus never met my eye this morning, but gave an air of chill which I could
not understand. Lord Marle thanked my father meekly, for hosting them this summer.
My mother merely nodded coldly to Lady Marle, who gave the same response. Augustus
didn't even acknowledge me, but stepped into the carriage without a second thought
about me, or his entire summer.
As the carriage drew away, I ran inside and cried.
* * *
I never understood why I cried that day. It was foolish. I had no reason to. But
since it had no reason at the time, I never tried finding one later.
I was nineteen now, and I walked carefully into my mother's room. My mother
had never talked to me about Augustus Marle ever since they had left. They never visited
again. Something inside me told me that it was my fault. Maybe it was because I had run
away from his kiss, and he had told his mother, and his mother was then mad at me, and
didn't want me as a daughter anymore, and decided to call off the engagement, making
my mother angry at her.
But my common sense told me no. Even IF I was no longer obligated to marry
Augustus Marle, and even though a part of me was extremely relieved, I wondered, often,
why.
It was about time I learned the truth. I wanted to hear it. I was entitled to hear it.
I did not have courage before to ask, and I had no business before, but now I did, for I
was not coming to be lady of the house, with my mother's failing health.
Father had died last year. I had taken over his duties to his country.
Xilima was not necessarily a monarchy, but it was close. There was a high
council of ten people, various citizens of the country, ranging from poor to rich. My
father sat as "ruler", elected by the council, for life, and when he died, I was selected,
being the first woman to serve as the ruler of Xilima. I made important decisions, but all
had to be approved by my council. The council's actions had to be approved by myself
as well. The only thing I COULD do without their approval was live my life and make
diplomatic missions. But it was nice proposing my ideas by myself to the council,
whereas the council had to get something together and written to my desk. That was the
main difference. I just had to jot my ideas down. It worked rather well, and I of course
had a vice ruler, who sat on the council and directed the agenda. He was Lord Darin, and
aging man who had known me from childhood.
I loved my job. Being the first woman to rule Xilima brought lots of pride into
my whole personage. I liked to be in charge of everything, and I loved to travel and
being a diplomat. In this case, my council had wanted me to finally find out our position
with Tadamia, which I never knew.
Tadamia was ruled solely by the aristocrats. It was a feudalistic society, and it
was time we did something about the relations, since they seemed to get colder and colder
every year. The Marles had pulled lots of strength in the ruling of Tadamia, and when I
found that out, I didn't wonder why our relations were so cold anymore. Something told
me that the only reason why we still were at somewhat okay terms with them was the fact
that there were other aristocrats ruling Tadamia as well, and that they were on the brink of
civil war, and did not need any enemies right now.
And so, I entered mother's room carefully, looking around the dim room, lit by
one reading lamp. "Mother?"
"What is it, dear?"
"I came to ask a few things."
"What about?"
"The council had discussed this, and asked me to come to you and demand an
explanation of why what our status with the Tadamians is, and why we are not on good
terms with the Marle family."
"That is not of your concern," she said, coldly.
"Mother, I have to know. As ruler of Xilima, I must know."
"It isn't necessary. You know our relations with the Tadamians. We are on
trading terms with them. We receive no diplomats. That is as far as our relations go."
"Mother, I want to know why. What happened six years ago?"
Mother sighed an exasperated sigh, and as I looked closer to her, I saw that she
was crying. "Six years ago, I lost my best friend," she cried.
I waited silently, holding her hand, and reassuring her. "It couldn't have been that
bad."
"It was worse than bad...it was excruciatingly horrid."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No...yes. I don't know."
"Can you please tell me the story?"
She sniffled, and I put a handkerchief into her hand. She wiped up her face, and
started the story.
"The evening of the ball, everything was beautiful, and when we saw you and
Augustus sneak off, with that knowing and romantic look in your eyes, we were so
happy. But then, as the night went on, I noticed that my diamond and ruby ring I always
wore to formal events was gone. I saw it on Lady Marle's hand. Of course, I asked her
about it, and she said it was hers. She said that my ring was so beautiful that she just had
to have one made for herself. I didn't believe her, because I went to my room and
checked! It wasn't there, and there it was, plain as day, on her hand! I accused her of
lying. I tried to get my ring back, but I still couldn't; she fought with me and in the end, I
was even more furious with her, and told her to keep it, but I told her that she would pay
for her crimes. She left the next day, very mad at me, and I still haven't found my ring,
but it doesn't matter anymore because I miss her! But it was totally unlike her! I had
known her since we were children, and she never stole before, and I was ready to believe
her, but the ring was missing."
My face paled. "Mother, did you say your ruby and diamond ring?"
"Why, yes."
"Mother, was it on a gold band?"
"Yes."
"It wasn't stolen, Mother. I was cleaning my closet last week, and found it in the
pocket of my red satin dress...the dress I wore that evening. Father had given me the ring
to wear, because I asked him for it. Only after...something...happened, the ring was
slipping and I stuffed it into my pocket, and forgot it ever since, until last week. Didn't
father tell you I had borrowed it?"
"You mean, that ring was hers?"
"Yes, and here is yours," I presented the ring to her, dragging it out of my pocket,
slowly.
She was silent for a moment, staring at the ring, but then she collapsed on the bed
and started crying some more. Thinking it wise, I left her to her thoughts and went into
my library to read over something else.
* * *
She died a few months later, of a fever. She died at peace though, with good
feelings to her best friend, for she told me that Lady Marle had written her back after her
effusive apologetic note.
There was something altogether very strange in the whole matter. It felt as if I
had caused this whole catastrophe of a relationship between best friends to occur, and I
felt truly sorry. Though I had apologized time and time again to mother, she would not
ever tell me it was my fault; she'd only say, "Well, if it makes you feel better, all right."
As she lay on her dying bed, I could see she was trying to tell me something. I
didn't understand it, and I desperately wanted to, my tears were collecting in a huge block
in my throat, and I couldn't breathe, but I nodded my head understandingly anyway, tears
slipping down my cheek, and dropping into her thick cream silk blankets. I couldn't say
anything, but I think I did say plenty as she looked at me, through my eyes. She
knew...she always knew how to read me.
And with her last breath, she murmured, "I'm proud of you, Crisinti, and nothing
will ever change that. You are a beautiful, passionate young lady, with high ideals and
beautiful dreams. You love your country with everything in you that can love, and I fear
that leaving you alone in the world. It frightens me. There will be no one to understand
you and take good care of you. My dear daughter, promise me that you will let yourself
love, truly love, and let your hesitation-to love-go."
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