General Commentary

~Enduring Pain~

   I watched as he was blasted backwards by a burst of power.  He
fell.  I could not comprehend it . . . could not comprehend the
hideous sound that Beryl made that was her laughter.   my
heart cried out.    Sometimes, love is just too cruel . . .
too cruel.
   Beryl spoke to me and I responded even though I was not really
listening.  How could I listen with my Zoisite lying on the ground
somewhere . . . dead, dying?  I had failed him.  I should have leapt
in the way of Beryl's blast . . . should have saved him, but I had
not.  Why?  WHY?!  Why hadn't I saved him?
   Later, I held Zoisite in my arms as he died.  Oh, why did he have
to die?   my mind responded
treacherously.    Others?  What others?  A memory struggled within me, buried
so long ago that is almost past the point of recall.
   Faces . . . they swam up before me.  Girls-no, *Senshi*-appeared
before me.  One in particular . . . her long golden hair framing her
face, her blue eyes smiling at me.  *Minako*.  It was a face dearer
to my heart even than that of Zoisite.  How had I forgotten?  How
could I forget?
   Then something dark and malevolent blasted into me from behind and
before I blacked out I heard shadowy voices whisper, "He musssst not
be allowed to remember.  He musssst sssstay within our control."
And a voice I knew well replied, "Yes, Empress."
   I did not remember those memories when I woke, but I did remember
one.  Though the image of the golden-haired girl had faded, the image
of another had not.  *Zoisite*.  His death clawed at me, hurt me. 
Every moment that we had shared together came back to haunt me,
playing over in my mind, taunting me with chants of "Never again . .
.  Never this . . . Never again . . ."
   And I wept.  I wept until I thought my heart would burst and I
would die from the pain.  What is life without him?  What is life . .
. alone?  I am nothing, nothing.  Born in darkness . . . living in
darkness . . . suffering in darkness . . . destined to die in
darkness.  This is no life, no existence.  This is nothing but the
eternal torment that I have earned for myself.
   And I just wanted Beryl to take away all of my memories . . . to
stop my suffering . . . to make all of my pain go away . . .
   She did not.
   It did not.
   And I was damned to an existence of eternal torment and
never-relenting, ever-enduring pain.

    Source: geocities.com/tokyo/palace/3649/fanfics

               ( geocities.com/tokyo/palace/3649)                   ( geocities.com/tokyo/palace)                   ( geocities.com/tokyo)