A Broken Dream
by Lilith Morrigan aka Midnite Angel Aeris
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I can't help this longing
Comfort me
I can't hold it all in
if you won't let me
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By the time you read this, you probably have already defeated my son Sephiroth. Since my son is dead, I have no reason to live on anymore. I was never able to be a good mother to him. If I was there for him, maybe he wouldn't have become the person he is right now. Everything he did....every single damage he had done to this planet...it was my fault. This is my sin.
Please live on, Vincent. I know what Hojo did to you...I know that he made you no longer human anymore...and I'm partly to blame for it. You confronted him for me, Vincent, you were trying to help me. Only now I see that the person that truly loved me was you, Vincent, not Hojo.....Hojo used me...I was blind....I was foolish...the person I should've married was you. If I made the right choice back then, none of this would've happen. I'm sorry, Vincent, and I pray that you'll forgive me. Please don't blame yourself for what happened. It's not your fault. It never was.
I must now pay for my sin with my life. Live on, Vincent, please....you have not done anything wrong. Live, for me, Vincent........
I love you.
- Lucrecia
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It is my fault, Lucrecia....I could've saved you...I was careless...I didn't notice Hojo pulling out that gun......Why didn't I see that gun?? If I was able to stop Hojo....Lucrecia...I could've saved you....I could've save you.....and your son...I am to blame for everything.....
He stared at the letter again. "Live, for me, Vincent......I love you..."
I love you too, Lucrecia...that's why I couldn't live with myself...I wasn't able to protect the person I love.......
He pulled out the red bandanna in his head, letting his long black hair fall loose on his face. With such sin....how can I find peace within myself? How can I live on like this? How can I live on knowing that my love is dead because I couldn't help her? Images of Lucrecia flashed in his mind. She had such a sweet smile...so beautiful......like an angel........my angel.....and I lost her....
I want to live on, Lucrecia....but I can't....not with all the condemnation in my soul.....I'm angry at myself, Lucrecia.....angry at myself for losing you....
He slowly stepped out of the crystal cave and headed towards the waterfall. The clear, somewhat white sheet of water poured down to the lake below him.
Peace.....I longed for it for the last thirty years.....in that dark coffin....sleeping in silence....hoping my pain will go away........but it refused to leave me.....the only way I'll have peace is when the rage in me subsides...when the rage I feel towards myself disappears.......but it never will....
He reached out to touch the water in front of him, feeling it running down his hand. Lucrecia.....I will join you......I will end it all right now.... he slowly pulled out his gun - the one he have used on Sephiroth - the Death Penalty.
Death Penalty....that's what I deserve.... he pushed the barrel to his temple. A monster like me should not deserve to live.... He coiled his finger around the trigger.
His hand shook. He pushed the gun harder against his temple. But somehow, he couldn't bring himself to pull the trigger, as if an unknown force was stopping him from doing so. Death...isn't it what I wanted all this time? Why can't I bring myself to pull the trigger? Why? He gripped the gun in his hand, his finger wrapped tightly around the trigger. Pull it.......pull the trigger......must end all this......
No matter how hard he commanded himself, his finger refused to respond. Am I afraid of death??? Is that what's stopping me? My fear of death? I want to die.....why am I refusing to end my own life?? Why???
Frustrated at himself, he heavily threw the gun onto the ground. The gun bounced away from him, the loud sound echoing throughout the silent ravine. I'm afraid to kill myself........death......I wanted it, yet I fear it as well........I'm a coward..... he slowly sank to his knees. I can't kill myself.....death will never come to me....the world around me will age...and I will live in torment forever....
He never shed a tear in his life as long as he can remember. Now droplets of tears were rolling down his face as he placed his hand over his forehead and cried out loud in defeat. A cry from the tortured soul within him that lived between life and death. A soul that was neither truly alive nor truly dead.
Why does it have to be this way? Am I destined to live with this pain forever?
Peace no longer existed. Heaven was a broken dream. The only thing left for this tortured soul was an eternal silent condemnation.....
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Heaven holds a sense of wonder
and I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up
when the rage in me subsides
In this white wave
I am sinking
in this silence......
- Silence
Delerium w/ Sarah McLachlan
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A Broken Dream © 1999 by Lilith Morrigan aka Midnite Angel Aeris