If Only.....
by Lilith Morrigan aka Midnite Angel Aeris

What if Tseng asked Elena out for dinner the day before he was killed by Sephiroth?

Elena nervously glanced at herself in the mirror. Should I change into something more...nice? She was still wearing the usual Turk uniform, the navy-blue business suit. No, this should be fine. Not that this is a date or anything. Or is it? She shook her head at the thought. He's just taking me out for dinner as a boss, nothing more. Don't be so foolish. She ran a comb through her short blonde hair, thinking about Tseng. Have I really fallen in love with him? She was attracted to him ever since she became a Turk. He's intelligent, calm, and always stay so focus to his job. Maybe that's why I'm attracted to him. Or maybe it's his mysterious character, or maybe it's his looks....I don't know.... She sighs. Don't get your hopes up, girl, he's not the kind of person that falls in love...

Tseng looks at his watch. Six O'clock. Elena should be here soon. He picked up his glass and took a slip of wine. Why did I ask her out to dinner anyways? It was as if a sudden impulse has struck me to ask her. He thought about the first day he met her. She was energetic, always seem eager to please her superiors. Even though she talks too much sometimes, she does handle her assignments quite well. He was, in a way, impressed by her, as she was the only female that was ever promoted to the Turks. He was patient with her, knowing that she'll be better once she's more experienced. It was also nice to have a female company on the job sometimes, since he mostly dealt with men.

Being totally absorbed into his job, he rarely cared for anyone. The first person he ever truly cared about was Aeris, but knowing that they'll never be together he gave up on any thoughts of being with her. And then, there's Elena. Deep inside, he knew he had feelings for her, but he denies it in his own heart. Emotions only make a person weak. I'm her superior, I cannot let personal emotions get in the way of my job.

He looked up when he heard the doors of the restaurant opening. It was Elena. She spotted him and sat across from him. Seeing that Tseng was also wearing the Turks uniform, she felt a little relieved. Lucky I didn't change... "Sorry for being late, sir,"

"It's okay. And call me Tseng. We're not on duty right now,"

"Yes, s-....Tseng,"

A waiter came to take their orders. After he left, Tseng filled up Elena's and his own wineglass. "The President called a while ago. He wants us to go investigate the Temple of Ancient tomorrow. It seems like Cloud and his group are heading there as well,"

"Temple of Ancient? Where's that?"

"It's down South near Mideel. The President believe that we'll find some information about the Promised Land there,"

"Would you like me to go there?"

"No, I'll go this time. I'm supposed to receive a call later tonight to pick up a keystone from Cait Sith to get into the temple,"

"Wouldn't he blow his cover if he steals the keystone?"

Tseng shrugged. "Depends if he's careful enough,"

"He better be," Elena relaxed in her seat and brushed her hair back with her hand. Tseng studied her for a moment. With her short pale blonde hair and dark amber eyes, she was beautiful in a mature way. He then noticed a small scar on her neck. "Where did you get that scar on your neck?" he asked.

"This?" she ran a finger through her scar. "I got it when I was young from a fight with a couple of guys,"

"For what?"

"Well, it's a long story. I grew up in the Midgar slums, and this gang of punks picked on me a lot. They don't like girls hanging around their so-called 'neighbourhood'. I refuse to back down from them, so I ended up getting into fights a lot. But I always end up beating the crap out of them though. Then one day one of them decided to bring a knife and tried to slash me. I was surprised by the attack and didn't have too much time to react so they managed to slash me slightly on the throat. I got so angry I snapped. I knocked the guy over, took his knife and threatened to kill him. The look of my face must be frightening because they never bugged me again after that." Elena chuckled. "I showed them, alright."

Elena was surprised to see a small smile on Tseng's face. "Losing to a girl must be embarrassing for them," he said. "But they shouldn't have picked on a girl in the first place,"

"Well, I acted like a tomboy - well, sorta - so they don't treat me like a normal girl."

"No....you're not a tomboy....there's definitely a feminine side in you," Tseng said quietly.

Elena was surprised by his remark. I wouldn't expect to hear something like that from him. "Th-thanks,"

Tseng was also surprised by what he had just said. As if I just said that from my heart without thinking first.... "Wouldn't your parents disapprove you of getting into fights all the time?"

"My mother doesn't like me to get into fights, but she's usually too busy working to watch me."

"What about your father?"

"I never met my father. He left when my mother was pregnant,"

"Oh. Sorry,"

"It's okay," Sadly, Elena glanced aside. "I hated him for how he treated my mother....sometimes I would see my mom crying for him at night..she loved him, but he left her without saying a word..." she sighed. "One of my mom's friend told me that my mom used to be a strong-minded woman - extremely independent, never yield to anyone....but falling in love with my father made her weak......it's strange how emotions can cripple you isn't it?"

"Yeah....all emotions does is weaken a person..." Is this why I'm denying my feelings for her? Just to keep myself from showing signs of weakness?

Elena turned back to Tseng. His face, as usual, shows no sign of emotions. Then, on a sudden impulse, she asked, "Have you ever felt emotional towards anything?" Oh great, that was a dumb question. Why don't I think first before I talk?

Tseng was surprised by her question, even though his expression doesn't show it. Yeah, I'm feeling emotional towards you, but I don't know how to deal with it... He sighed. "Elena....a person cannot be emotional in the cruel reality of this world...it only makes them vulnerable...you have to be strong to survive in this world...."

"I guess......but sometimes it's so hard to control your own emotions...."

"Elena, you're a Turk....you have to be strong to succeed...."

"I know...."

Well, that's an intelligent answer, Tseng. Now she must think you're cold-blooded and doesn't give a damn about anyone. A voice in his mind said. He shook his head, trying to shake away the confusion in his mind. Maybe I should stop denying my own feelings....

"Is there anything wrong?" Elena asked.

"No....." Tseng was silent for a moment, then he started to say something but was interrupted when the waiter came with their food. After the waiter left, Elena looked at him, expecting him to finish what he wanted to say, but Tseng became quiet again.

Elena observed him. He always appears to be deep in his own thoughts...sometimes I wish he would tell me what's in his mind...

"Elena....." Tseng began.

"Yes?" Elena glanced at him. Their eyes met for a while, then Elena shyly looks down.

"I-"

Tseng was again interrupted by a photographer. "Excuse me sir, would you like to take a picture with your lovely girlfriend?"

Hearing this, Elena tried to keep herself from blushing, but was unsuccessful when she feels her face getting hot. Tseng's face remained emotionless. "Sure,"

The photographer took a picture. "That would be 10 gil please,"

Tseng gave him the gil and the photographer handed him the picture. Tseng took one look at it and gave it to Elena. "Here, you keep it,"

Elena nervously took the photograph. "Thank you, sir,"

"Didn't I tell you not to call me sir?"

"Sorry.....Tseng,"

"Elena, I....." Tseng sighed. He couldn't find the right words to say. For the first time in his life he felt stupid. I can handle any jobs that Shinra gives me, yet I can't even handle my own feelings...

Elena waited for him to continue.

"I-......I like to comment you on your work. You have handled the job very well," That was not I wanted to say....I am stupid when it comes to my own feelings...

"Thank you. Your compliments means a lot to me," And she meant it.

Tseng didn't say another word. They finished their dinner in silence.

"I'll walk you home," Tseng said when they left the restaurant.

"Su-sure," Elena said.

They walked down the quiet street, the night breeze blew against them. There seems to be so much that could be said, yet neither of them could find the words to say it. Their usual business-like attitude has disabled them to express their emotions effectively. Both of them were lost in thoughts, confused by their own emotions.

They arrived at Elena's apartment. Elena took her keys out and unlocked the door. "Well, good night, Tseng."

She looked up at him. His eyes were locked on hers. A moment later he slipped his arm around her waist and pulls her closer to him. Elena stood motionless, stunned. He then slowly brought his face closer to hers, their lips less than an inch apart.

A sudden ring from Tseng's PHS startled both of them as they jerk away from each other. Elena nervously turned away. Tseng, feeling a little embarrassed , took out his PHS. "Tseng here," he answered. He listened for a moment then said, "I'll be right there,"

Elena turned back to him, slightly blushing. "Who was that?"

"The President. He told me to go to Gold Saucer to pick up the keystone from Cait Sith," he placed the PHS back in his pocket. "Well, um, good night, Elena.....I'll see you tomorrow," he took one last look at Elena then turned and walks away.

Elena watched him disappeared in the corner. Does he....love me?

Tseng sat heavily on the floor of the temple, with his hand over the wound which Sephiroth have given him. He could feel his life draining away from him. Is this....the end?

He heard footsteps approaching. He looked up and saw Cloud with Aeris and Cait Sith walking in.

Seeing Tseng injured, Aeris quickly kneel beside her childhood friend. "Tseng! Are you alright? What happened?"

"Sephiroth......"

"Sephiroth? Sephiroth's in there?" Cloud asked.

Aeris began to cast Cure on Tseng, but he held out a hand to stop her. "No, it's useless,"

"But I can't just leave you here to die!" Aeris said.

"Don't worry about me....here," he handed Cloud the keystone. "Take this....go after Sephiroth,"

A tear fell from Aeris' eyes. Tseng was a dear friend of hers, and she can't bear watching him die.

Cait Sith walked over to Tseng. ".....Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yeah. Destroy Sephiroth....."

Aeris wiped the tears off her eyes and stood up. Cait Sith gave her a comforting pat on the shoulder. Tseng looked up at Cloud. Cloud looked back at the dying Turk, then nodded, giving him a silent agreement that he will go after Sephiroth. Even though they were on different side, they shared one common enemy - and that is Sephiroth.

Cloud placed the keystone on the altar and entered the temple with Aeris and Cait Sith. When he was alone again, Tseng rested his head against the altar and looked up at the ceiling. A smile slowly spread on Tseng's face. The smile of defeat.

"Elena...if only I knew I'd die today..I would've told you how I feel.........if only......"

His vision became blurry. His last thoughts were of Elena as he drew his last breath.

Elena stood over the fresh grave. The funeral for Tseng was over, and people were beginning to leave. She forced her tears back, not wanting to cry in front of others. Reno and Rude came over and stood beside her for a moment, silently saluting to their deceased leader.

"Elena, are you alright?" Reno asked after a while.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just need to be alone,"

Reno nodded, then motioned Rude to leave. After everyone left Elena kneel down besides Tseng's grave.

"Tseng...if only I knew that night would be the last time I'll see you......." Elena couldn't hold her tears back any longer. She buried her face in her hands and cried. I just can't believe I'll never see him again...

A few minutes later she stopped crying as she wiped the tears off her eyes. She ran her finger through the inscription of Tseng's name on the gravestone. "I love you, Tseng.....if only I found the strength to tell you earlier..." her lips then curved into bittersweet smile. "How ironic....when I finally found the strength to tell you, you're gone.....life is so fragile...one minute you can be alive and the next minute you can be dead..." she removed the photograph she and Tseng has taken during their dinner from her chest pocket. She studied the photograph, recalling her last memory of him. "I'll be strong, Tseng...that was what you told me to do.......I won't cry anymore.....I'll live on....." she glanced up at the gravestone. "...I promise I won't disappoint you....."

She replaced the photograph in her pocket, leaned over and kissed the top of the standing gravestone, then solemnly left the silent graveyard.

Author's Note:
After writing a love story for Aeris and Cloud, I was sitting around bored to death one day when I decided to write another love story. So I ran through all the potential couples in FF7 and decided on Elena and Tseng. I find Elena and Tseng pretty cool, and I would've liked them even more if they take a more major role in the game ( Squaresoft should've develop them better but then I guess they don't really have time. ) So I was thinking 'If only Tseng went on the date with Elena before he died...that would've been better', and that's how the setting and the title for this story originated. Oh, and since I forgot what exactly did Tseng say when he was dying in the temple, I made it up for this story, so if I missed anything important that Tseng have said, or if it doesn't make sense, let me just say 'Ooops!' ^_^ ( well actually I like my dialogue better since Cloud's party is actually attempting to help Tseng and not just standing around watching the poor guy bleed to death ^_^ )....also, my grammar's horrible, don't have to tell me :) If you have any comments or suggestions please email me at lilithmorrigan@oocities.com!

If Only..... © 1999 by Lilith Morrigan aka Midnite Angel Aeris