Never Again
by Lilith Morrigan aka Midnite Angel Aeris

******

Dark clouds stretched across the dead grey sky. Thunder could be heard from a distance away. Quistis Trepe could see a flash of lighting as she exited the orphanage. She glanced behind her at the wrecked orphanage, then hastily walked away and headed for the Ragnarok. Being near the orphanage was bothering her.

No, it's not the orphanage....it's Squall.....and Rinoa.......in that garden.....

"I knew I can never compete with you......."

What was I thinking? Why did I say something stupid like that to Rinoa? What was I trying to do? Win her sympathy?

She thought about the beautiful garden behind the orphanage. The garden she used to play in when she was young. The very same garden Squall and Rinoa are standing in right now.

Why does the thought of them being together bothers me so much? I promised myself I would forget about him.......why do I have this pain growing inside me right now? Haven't I already give up on him?

I shouldn't have come. I shouldn't have volunteered to accompany Squall and Rinoa here.....I.....

I shouldn't have allow myself to fall in love with Squall.

She recalled the first day he stepped into her class. It was also her first day as an instructor. She watched him silently walking to the back of the room and sat down at the end of the row, refusing to speak with anyone. Others probably saw him as a cold, emotionless loner, but in his eyes she saw something else - a lost soul. She took the effort to try to understand this quiet student. She thought she was just doing her job as a teacher to help her student, but as she spent more time with him she began to develop a love for him. At first, it was just a sisterly love. She wanted to protect him, to shelter him from harm. However, this love became romantic as time passed by without her even realizing it.

I know he will never love me...so why can't I forget about him? I don't understand.....I WANT to forget about him.....why can't I do it? Why?

Her vision became blurry. She reached up to her eyes and realized she was crying. Why can't he love me like the way he love Rinoa?

She knew she wanted to be in Rinoa's place.....to be the one in Squall's arms, to be the one to protect him, be there for him, the one to love him and be loved back.

Rain began to pour down from the gloomy sky. Quistis wiped her eyes, but tears continued to flood out. Who am I kidding?......He loves Rinoa....I'll never be a match for her....

She heard a growl behind her, and quickly turned around. A Ruby Dragon was standing there flapping his wings, ready to attack her. How did a Ruby Dragon get here? Quistis wondered. She quickly pulled out her weapon Save the Queen and whipped it at the dragon.

The dragon flinched a little, then used its Breath attack on her. Quistis could feel her energy draining away as the fiery breath shot through her. She collapsed to the ground, feeling pain in every inch of her body. She knew she would die if she don't think of something soon. He's too powerful for me to defeat him alone......what is a Ruby Dragon doing in this area of the world anyway? Maybe it's because of my bad luck.....

It's my bad luck that I run into a Ruby Dragon....my bad luck that I got my instructor license suspended....my bad luck that I have to love a man that will never love me back.....

She clenched her whip tightly in her hands. I'm a failure. A failed instructor.......a failed leader......a failed sister............a failed lover.....

The dragon was ready to attack again. Quistis stood up and gathered all the energy she had to use her Blue Magic - Degenerator. The dragon cried out, then disintegrated into a million speckle of dust. Quistis then lost conscious and collapsed to the ground.

Rain continued to drop down from the sky.

******

"Quisty! Quisty! Wake up!"

Quistis opened her eyes and saw Irvine. A drop of rain landed on her eye, making her blink a couple of times. "What.........happened...?"

"I should ask you that question. I was looking outside the window in the Ragnarok and I saw a body lying on the ground in a distance. I came here and realized it was you. You were injured, so I cast Curaga on you. What happened to you?"

"....I was attacked......" Quistis slowly sat up. "But I think I'm okay now...thanks...."

"No problem! It's my job to help out the ladies," Irvine helped her up. "It's raining pretty bad isn't it? Let's get you back to the Ragnarok,"

"Hey! What are you guys doing here?" a female voice called. Quistis turned around and saw Rinoa running towards them with Squall. The two were holding hands.

"Nothing really....I was attacked, and Irvine came to help me," Quistis eyed on Squall's hand clenching on to Rinoa's. The pain was surfacing inside her again. I know he loves someone else...yet I still love him......

She looked away at a forest in a distance. Maybe love is just too complicated for me to understand....it brought so much pain to me, yet I still want to hang on...it's like playing with fire even though I know I will get burn.....

......Maybe I should never love again.....

******

You took your coat off and stood in the rain
You're always crazy like that
And I watched from my window, always felt I was outside
looking in on you
You're always the mysterious one with dark eyes and careless hair
You're fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care
You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
besides some comments on the weather

Well in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see
this is my heart, bleeding before you
this is me down on my knees

Well excuse me, guess I mistaken you for somebody else
Somebody who gave a damn
Somebody more like myself

And these foolish games are tearing me apart
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart......

- "Foolish Games"
Jewel

******

Author's note:
Well, here's my first FF8 fanfic. I always felt sorry for Quistis and wanted to write this story even before I finished the game. It was a little weird for me at first to see Quistis in love with someone younger than her, but then I realized that the love she has for him is a sisterly-turned-romantic one so I guess it's normal :) If you couldn't tell or have not finished the game, the setting of this fanfic is near the end of Disc 3 when Rinoa told Squall to take her to Edea's orphanage. If you had Quistis in your party when you go to the orphanage, she will say to Rinoa that she knew she couldn't compete with her, then leave the two love birds alone :) I know I changed the end a little ( Zell was supposed to be with Squall and Rinoa when they head back to the Ragnarok ) but I didn't want to bring another character in between the two lovers when Quistis sees them :) Oh, and by 'failed sister' I do mean Quistis' desire to be an older sister-figure for Squall, not that she has real siblings or something :) And she did failed on that too since Squall never took much notice in her....sad :( Anyways, please send any comments you have to lilithmorrigan@oocities.com!

Never Again © 1999 by Lilith Morrigan aka Midnite Angel Aeris
( Since today is Dec. 27, this will probably be my last fanfic for the year/millennium ^_^ )