Relinquished Love
by Lilith Morrigan aka Midnite Angel Aeris

******

Hey, I just took part in saving the world! Who cares about a little exhaustion? Who would've thought someone like me ends up to become a world hero? Setzer thought with a smile. I can imagine how Daryl would react if she's still alive......."You, a drunken gambler being a world hero? You gotta be kidding me, Setz," she would say...

"Hey, white hair boy! I want to have a turn at flying the airship!" a female voice called behind him. Setzer turned around and saw Relm Arrowny standing behind him.

"Relm, didn't I said you are too short for this?"

"I'm not too short! I can see all! Don't be such a fuddy-duddy like gramps!" Relm complained.

"Yeah, Setzer, don't be such a fuddy-duddy," another voice echoed. It was Terra as she step up to the dock with Celes. "This should not be how you treat a child, especially after how hard she have fought, right?"

Setzer smiled at Terra. "Yeah, but this is Relm we're talking about! You think I can trust her?" he whispered to her.

Terra smiled back at him. "I'll keep an eye on her, okay?"

"Yeah, Locke wants you down there. He wants to win back the gils you won from him two days ago," Celes said.

"Well, I guess I can trust you, Terra. And there's no way Locke's going to win me in anything!" Setzer declared and headed downstairs.

"Blackjack is all just a matter of luck, Mr.Treasure Hunter. Well, you're busted, so allow me...." Setzer reached over and collected Locke's chips.

"You seem to be in a awfully good mood today, Setzer," Sabin said.

"Well, we just defeated Kefka....who wouldn't be happy? And I just won more gils from Locke....." Locke growled at his words. "And today, I have decided on doing something I want to do for a while already......" Setzer held out a card. "Sabin?"

"Hit me," Sabin replied. Setzer dealt him a card, giving him a total of 19. "Decided on doing what?" Edgar then asked.

Setzer grinned, then place the cards on the table. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box.

"Wait, wait, wait! Lemme guess....that's a ring, right? For a certain person on this ship, I suppose?" Locke said in a teasing tone.

"And is that certain person.....Terra?" Sabin asked with a grin. Even though Setzer never actually came out to say it, his feelings for Terra was obvious. Throughout their journey, Setzer was always concerned about Terra, mentioning her almost in every conversation. He paid a lot of attention to her, always spent a lot of time around her. Terra never seem to mind though, either because she is clueless about Setzer's feeling for her or she feels the same way for him.

Setzer nodded, feeling slightly embarassed. "You know, I never felt so attracted to a girl ever since I met Daryl......"

"Well, Setzer, I wish you luck then," Sabin said.

"Thanks. Luck is what I need everyday," he replaced the box in his pocket and picked up the cards. "Edgar?"

Edgar didn't reply, appeared to be lost in thoughts.

"Edgar!"

Edgar, startled, jerked slightly from his seat. "What??....oh....um...yeah I want a card...."

Setzer dealt him a card, giving him a total of 21. "What's wrong? You seem to be lost in space or something,"

"Nothing....too tired I guess," he looked down at his cards. "Well, Setzer, looks like you're going to lose this time,"

"Hey, I haven't got my card yet," he dealt himself an ace, giving himself a blackjack. "Ha! Blackjack. Looks like my luck is better than yours, Ed," he said as he collected Sabin and Edgar's chip. He straightened the deck of cards and handed it to Edgar. "Here, shuffle for me would you? I need to go get more wine," he got up and headed for the storage room.

Sabin and Locke watched as Edgar shuffled the cards. He still had the same blank look in his face. "Edgar? Is there anything wrong?" Locke asked.

"What? I said nothing, okay?" Edgar snapped.

Sabin and Locke glanced at each other. They have known Edgar for a long time, and they can tell when something is bothering him. After a moment of silence, Sabin softly said, "Edgar, you're not.....jealous at Setzer are you?"

"Why would I be?" he snapped back.

Locke was going to say more, but Sabin cuts him off as he sees Setzer approaching.

"I can't wait until we get back. I'm so tired......" Terra brushed the hair off her face. "I don't think I even have the energy to attend the celebration party tomorrow!"

The two stood in silence for a while, until Celes asked with a wink, "So, Terra, what do you think about Setzer?"

Terra blushed a little. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, you know what I'm talking about!" Celes grinned. "Kefka is defeated, so it's time to think about other things.....you perfectly know how Setzer feels about you! It's so obvious!"

Terra blushed even more. She knew Setzer has been treating her more than a normal friend, and secretly she actually liked it. She looked shyly down to the ground.

Celes' smile grew even wider as she saw Terra's expression. "So do you like him as well?"

"I-I don't know," Terra nervously smiled. "I guess........but........."

"But what?"

Terra shook her head. "Never mind,"

Celes stared at her for a while. "You don't still.....love him, do you?"

"......." Terra stared at a distance. "It doesn't really matter, does it? You know how he's like, Celes.....he'll never love me....besides, I don't even know if I truly love him or not...."

Celes didn't know what to say.

"Setzer, shouldn't you be going to sleep by now?"

"I came to see how are you doing....." he came closer to her. "Are you feeling alright? You did literally lost half of yourself today,"

"I actually feels fine....it's strange, isn't it? I don't feel much different from before....except not having that magic feeling in me, of course,"

"Well, I'm glad you're fine......so what are you going to do from now?"

"I don't know....probably go back to Mobliz.......what about you?"

"Well........I might end up doing what I do before...just wander in the sky..." he looked into Terra's eyes. "But I want to start a new life....."

"A new life?"

Setzer nodded. "Yeah.....with someone else....someone special....."

Terra felt a little nervous, knowing that 'someone' is probably herself. She just looked at him, waiting for him to say more.

Well, I went this far, might as well finish it.... Setzer took Terra's hand, half expecting her to pull back. She didn't. "Terra.....you probably already know that I'm in love with you....." he placed his other arm around her and pulled her closer. "Will you be willing to be my wife and spend the rest of your life with me?"

Terra gave a surprised expression, not expecting him to ask such a question. A moment later her expression soften as she smiled and quietly said, "Yes,"

Setzer smiled happily, then the two embraced as they kissed. When the kiss ended, Setzer slipped the ring onto Terra's finger. "I love you, Terra." he whispered to her ears.

They didn't notice Edgar standing in the other end of the hall.

Setzer is a friend! I can't be jealous at a friend!

He entered his room and shut the door behind him. He tried to calm himself down, but find it difficult to do so.

Why is this bothering me so much? Terra doesn't love me, so just forget about her and move on! I might as well blame myself for acting like an idiot all the time....who would fall in love with an idiot that fools around with women all the time?

He let out a deep breath, feeling depressed, jealous, and angry at himself at the same time. I have loved her for so long........but I know she can't possibly love me......I couldn't bring myself to tell her......nor anyone else....

He slowly walked over to his desk and pulled out a piece of paper from one of the drawers. It is a letter he has written to Terra that he never gave her. A while ago, he was badly injured during a fight, so they brought him back to the castle. Terra visited him in his room before leaving with the rest of the party. After she left, with nothing else to do he took a pen and a piece of paper and started to write a letter. A letter that express what he wanted to tell her for a long time, that he was secretly in love with her. He never dared to give Terra the letter.

He read through the letter, wondered that if he have given it to her would it change anything.

It doesn't matter.....she'll never love someone like me....

He suddenly felt very tired, wanting to shut everything away. He dropped heavily on his bed and forced himself to sleep. He didn't realized that he just tossed the letter on top of his desk.

"What the?" he proceed in reading the rest of the letter. Big brother is in love with........! "So this is what's wrong with him....." Sabin muttered. Why does he always hide everything to himself?

"Sabin! The wedding is tomorrow, and you still haven't tried out your tuxedo yet!"

"Locke..." he handed Locke the letter. "I just found this in Edgar's room,"

Locke read through the letter, eyes widen. "Whoa....this isn't good......when did he write this letter?"

"I don't know...but I don't think he wrote it recently. As flirtatious as he seems he won't try to steal away his friend's fiance with a letter like that,"

"Yeah, I guess...." Locke scanned through the letter again. "I knew there was something wrong with Edgar......even though he didn't say anything, I suspected something already...."

"Well, you know him...he keeps everything to himself..." Sabin frowned. "I'm worried about him, Locke.....I mean, with Terra's wedding tomorrow......it must be difficult for him..."

"......Don't worry, Sabin......I'm sure your brother will manage,"

".....I mean, with Terra's wedding tomorrow......it must be difficult for him..." she heard Sabin said.

What are they talking about? Terra stopped and listened near the door.

"......Don't worry, Sabin......I'm sure your brother will manage,"

They're talking about Edgar......

"I hope so.......you know, Locke, even though Edgar did seem a little strange lately, I would never truly believe that he has fallen in love with Terra until I read that letter....I mean, can you imagine him falling in love with someone?"

What?

"Yeah, he doesn't seem to be the type to fall in love with anyone does he? I guess your brother has grown up afterall,"

Terra stumbled against the wall, shocked at what she has just heard.

Edgar...he......

She didn't notice Celes coming up behind her. "There you are, Terra! I was looking for you!"

Terra jumped at the her voice. Locke and Sabin also heard Celes' voice and came out of the room, surprised to see Terra. "Terra! How long have you been here?" Locke asked.

Terra didn't reply as she looked away.

"........You've heard everything, did you?" Sabin questioned.

"........" Terra noticed Locke holding a piece of paper. "Is that the letter you were talking about?"

"Well........" Locke glanced at the paper in his hand.

"Let me see it,"

"Terra-"

"Let me see it.....please......"

Locke hesitated for a moment, then unwillingly handed Terra the letter. Celes just looked at the two back and forth, confused. Terra took the paper and read it. Her expression became more shocked when she finished reading it. "This....can't be........." she whispered.

"Terra....." Sabin started, but Terra turned around and ran down the hall, letting the letter drop on the floor.

"Terra!" Locke wanted to run after her, but stopped when he heard footsteps behind him and saw Edgar approaching to them. "What are you guys all doing here?" Edgar asked. "And was that Terra I just saw running down the hall?"

"Um..........big brother.....I.....um......we......." Sabin stammered uneasily.

"What?" Edgar questioned. Then he noticed the paper lying face down on the floor.

Locke saw him looking at the piece of paper. He grabbed it at once, putting it in his pocket. "It's just some scrap paper I was writing with....."

"Locke, maybe we should tell him the truth....." Sabin said.

"Yeah. I really would like to know what's going on too!" Celes demanded.

Locke sighed. "Edgar.....we....well.....um.....accidentally showed Terra this," he pulled the paper back out of his pocket.

Edgar took the paper, recognizing what it is immediately after seeing the first line. Celes looked over his shoulder and scanned it as he held it numbly in front of him. "You.........you showed Terra this?" Edgar said quietly.

Sabin could tell that his brother was angry. "I-I found it in your room......sorry, Edgar.....I didn't mean for her to see it...."

Edgar bit his lips to keep himself calm, knowing that getting mad at Sabin would not do any good.

"I'm really really sorry......." Sabin apologized again.

Celes, finished scanning the letter, gasped. "Edgar? You wrote this????"

Edgar didn't answer. Locke gave Celes a look, signalling her to be quiet.

Celes didn't notice Locke. "Edgar, why didn't you give this to her before??? You're so stupid!!"

Her words caused the three men to looked at her, puzzled. "What are you saying, Celes?" Locke asked.

"What I am saying is that Terra loved you, Edgar!"

"What???? You're kidding, right????" Locke exclaimed. Edgar, dumbfounded, took a step back.

"Why would I be kidding on such a thing? Edgar, Terra loved you for a long time! She was scared that you wouldn't love her, so she decided to move on.......but even until now, she still has feelings for you!"

Edgar just stood numbly, a disbelief look on his face. The others stared at him. He then turned around and hastily left the three.

Terra, lost in her own thoughts, stared blankly at the wall in front of them. All this time.......I thought he will never love me....and now.....right before the day of my wedding.........

".........Terra........." Edgar started, then sighed. Tomorrow is her wedding....I have to straighten this out now.....

Terra turned to him. Their eyes met, and without even knowing it they subconsciously leaned closer to each other and shared a kiss. Edgar quickly pulled back when he realized what he has just done. He stood up and turned away from Terra. "Shouldn't have done that........" he muttered to himself.

Terra clasped her hand over her forehead as she shut her eyes. How did it end up this way? How did I end up loving two person at the same time?........

The two fell silent again, until Edgar said, "You should just go ahead with your wedding tomorrow......"

"I-I.......can't......" Terra sighed. "I.....I don't know if I can still do it anymore........" How can I marry Setzer, knowing how Edgar truly feels about me.....?

Edgar studied her for a moment. He saw tears coming out of the corner of her eyes, the beautiful emerald eyes he fell in love with now drowned with sadness. I don't want her to suffer like this......... "Terra.....do you love Setzer?"

Terra looked up at him, a little suprised at the question. She has loved him first, but she knew she also has fallen in love with Setzer after finding out how he felt about her. ".........Yes....."

"Are you happy with him?"

"......." Spending time with Setzer has made me happy....... "...yes...."

Edgar paused, then said, "Well, if you can't decide what to do, then why don't you let fate to decide it for you?"

"What?"

He walked up to her and reached into his pocket to pull out a coin. "A coin toss, Terra. If it lands on head, you forget about me......you go on with your wedding tomorrow, forgetting about the letter and everything that happened today.......and I'll forget about everything as well....."

Terra gave him a blank look.

"Look, I know it seems strange to be deciding things like this, but-"

"No, Edgar, you're right......" Terra cut him off. "This will help me.....I don't think there's any other way I can decide......."

Edgar nodded, giving Terra a small smile as he rested the coin on his thumb. I love you, Terra........

Then he flipped the coin.

Terra turned to him and shook her head. "Nothing much..........the sunset is beautiful isn't it?"

"Yeah....." he stroked her cheek with his other hand. "But compared to you, it just looks pretty plain to me,"

Terra smiled at him, then Setzer lean over to kiss his new bride.

Edgar turned to Relm, losing his attention to the coin. The coin bounced off his hand and dropped onto the floor. "Relm, stop sneaking up on people like that,"

"I wasn't sneaking!"

"What are you doing here?"

Relm tapped the canvas tucked under her arm with her paintbrush. "Painting, what else? Since we can't leave until Setzer comes back with Terra, I might as well keep myself busy in this boring castle," she picked up Edgar's coin, which has rolled in front of her. "Hmm? A coin with identical heads on both sides? What are you doing with a coin like this?"

Edgar took the coin back from her. "Well, I just carry it around.....kind of like a good luck charm I guess....."

"A good luck charm? And does it actually brings you good luck?"

"No...not really...." he placed the coin back in his pocket. "....but it helped me on a couple of occasions....."

"How?"

"It helped me........to let go of things......."

"Why on earth would you want to let go of anything? People likes to keep things to themselves, not let go!"

Edgar looked at the little girl in front of him, then stared at the sky. It's better this way......she can never live with the guilt of leaving Setzer, and I can never live with the guilt of taking a friend's love.....this is the only way she will be happy....... "Relm, sometimes in life you have to give up on things for a better good....."

He headed down the stairs, leaving a confused Relm looking after him.

Relinquished Love © 1999 by Lilith Morrigan aka Midnite Angel Aeris