Don: Hehehe! This potion have the power to make every single female being I talk to fall in love with me! Once I drink this, no single woman in this world will be able to resist me! Hahahaha! ( grabs on to stomach. ) Owwwwww why does my stomach hurts so much all the sudden? Must be those beans I ate..... ( runs to the washroom )

( A waiter brought two dishes of food to Cloud and Cait Sith. )

Cait: Is that the house special?

Cloud: Yeah.

Cait: I heard that it's hot enough to make you blow out fire.

Cloud: ( shrugs ) A little spicy food never kills anyone. ( eats the food, then face turns red ) Owwwwww, my mouth is burning!

Cait: Told ya. ( Cloud grabs the tea sitting on his table. Cait Sith stops him ) Don't drink hot stuff! It'll make it worse!

Cloud: Bu-bu-but I need something to drink! ( sees Don's glass of water ) Water! ( gulps it down, feels a bit relieved. Sits back in his seat. )

( Aeris and Tifa comes in. )

Aeris: Hey, Cloud, how does my new dress looks?

Cloud: It looks great, Aeris.

Aeris: Really? ( throws her arms around Cloud ) I love you, Cloud!

Tifa: Hey! Didn't I say not to make a move on Cloud until he makes his decision?

Aeris: Shut up, you slut, I do whatever I want!

Tifa: Who are you calling a slut?? You b*&%$

Cloud: Tifa....

Tifa: Cloud, I love you! Ditch this b^%$# and come with me! ( grabs one of Cloud's arms )

Aeris: No, he's coming with me! ( grabs Cloud's other arm. The two have a little tug-o-war with Cloud. )

Cait: Wow, they never fought so openly for you before!

Cloud: Shut up and help me!

Cait: I don't think I want to mess with both Tifa and Aeris.

Tifa: Let go of him, b&*$% !!! ( does Beat Rush on Aeris. Both began fighting )

Cait: Catfight! Catfight! Meow!

Cloud: Shut up and let's get outta here! ( pulls Cait Sith out of the restaurant. Don comes back in )

Don: Now I can drink my- hey! Where'd it go?

Cloud: Just shut up, okay?

( just then, Yuffie came crashing into Cloud. )

Yuffie: Owwwwwww.....

Cloud: Yuffie, watch where you're going! Did you steal something again?

Yuffie: Oh, Cloud, I'd never thought you look so cute!

Cloud: Wha???

Yuffie: ( hugs Cloud ) I love you, Cloud!

Cloud: ( pushes Yuffie away ) Man, what the heck is wrong with all the girls today? ( runs away )

Yuffie: Cloud, come back!

Rude: You know what? I'm tired of Cloud getting all the chicks all the time. I want Tifa and I'm going to get her! Reno, borrow me that nightstick of yours would ya? I'm going to give Cloud a beating.

Reno: ( gives Rude the nightstick ) Yeah, teach that spikey hair punk @$$ a lesson!

Cloud: Oops. Sorry.

Elena: That's okay, Cloud. I'm glad a hottie like you bump into me!

Tseng: Wha????

Elena: I never thought I'd say this but...Cloud, I love you! ( hugs Cloud. Cloud pushes her away )

Cloud: Stay away from me! What the heck is wrong with all of you? ( runs away )

Elena: Cloud, come back! ( runs after him )

Tseng: Cloud.....you took Aeris away, and now Elena too! You are going to pay!

Godo: What's wrong?

Yuffie: Cloud....he....he.....waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Godo: What? What did Cloud do to you?

Yuffie: Last night....he.....he.....and...I.....we....in his room.....

Godo: Last night?......He....didn't do......*that* to you did he???

Yuffie: Yes!.......I love him, dad...but....he now refuse to accept me!

Godo: What? He did....*that*...to you last night and now he throws you away! That son of a b&*^% !!!! I'm coming there, Yuffie, and I'm going to have a little chat with him! ( hangs up )

Yuffie: ( stops sobbing, lets out a evil laugh ) Now dad will help me to get Cloud! I'm such a great liar. You're mine, Cloud!

Cait: Cloud! I was looking all over for you!

Cloud: Cait Sith, Red, something weird is going on.

Red: What happened?

Cloud: I don't know! For some reason Aeris, Tifa, Yuffie and Elena are all chasing after me!

Red: Yuffie and Elena? What would they want with you?

Cloud: I don't know! Let's go back to 7th Heaven first.

( Rufus, Dark Nation and Scarlet comes in )

Scarlet: Ruffy!

Rufus: Don't call me that! I know what you're trying to do, Scarlet. Trying to seduce me so you'll gain some power in the company? Well, it ain't working!

Cait: Hey look, it's that b&*%$ Scarlet!

Scarlet: Who are you calling a b*(^$ , you cheap robot!

Cloud: Hey, look who's the *cheap* one here.

Scarlet: Cloud? How can you call me cheap?

Cloud: I can call you whatever the hell I want.

Scarlet: Oh, Cloud, you broke my heart! Don't you know that I love you? ( hugs him )

Cloud: Wha???? Oh no, not again...

Rufus: ( pats Cloud on the shoulder ) Well, I have to thank you for taking her out of my hands.

Cloud: (shove Scarlet away) I'm not taking her! ( runs again )

Scarlet: Cloudy! ( runs after him )

Rufus: Oh, you are going to take her away from me, Cloud. I'm going to *make* you. ( goes after them )

Cait: Man, this is pretty f&%$ed up right here.

Cid: Shera, where's the f*&^in' tea!

Shera: Coming, coming....

( Cloud runs in )

Cloud: ( panting ) Man, those girls are hot on my tail! Shera, can you get me a glass of water please?

Shera: Sure thing, Cloud. ( brings him a glass )

Cid: Hey! What about my f&*^in' tea?

Shera: The hell with your tea! Can't you see my dear Cloud is tired?

Cid: Your *dear* Cloud?

Cloud: Oh no.....

Shera: Cloudy, I love you!

Cid: What the f*&^ !!!

Cloud: Um......I think I'll just go....( runs out the back door )

Shera: Cloud! ( runs after him )

Cid: I WANT MY F*&^IN' TEA!!!! This is all your fault, Cloud!!! I'm goin' to f&^$in kill you! ( grabs Venus Gospel and runs out the back door )

Cloud: Man, am I just having a really bad day here?

( Marlene comes in with Barret )

Marlene: Cloud! What are you doing behind that bush?

Cloud: Nothing...just trying to hide from a bunch of people...

Marlene: So are you playing hide and seek? I wanna play too!

Cloud: No...this isn't a good time for me to play....

Marlene: ( starts crying ) Waaaaaaaaaah!! Cloud, I love you! Why won't you play with me? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Cloud: Oh no, not Marlene too!

Barret: Cloud, look what you did! You made Marlene cry!

Cloud: Um, I didn't mean to! Um.....see ya! ( runs away )

Marlene: Daddy! Cloud broke my heart!

Barret: Cloud broke your heart?

Marlene: I love him, daddy! I want to marry him! But he's leaving me....waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Barret: Don't worry, sweetie, I'll get him for you.

Cait: Where the heck did Cloud go?

Red: Who knows.....

( Cloud sneaks in )

Cait: Cloud! There you are!

Cloud: Shhhhhhhh! ( hides behind bar )

Cait: Cloud, what's wrong?

Cloud: ( pokes his head out ) Everything is wrong! Now Shera, Scarlet and Marlene is after me also! Plus a bunch of angry guys!

Cait: Wow, this is serious! Why are they all after you!

Cloud: I don't know! They all say they love me or something!

Cait: Wow, you're a lady-killer aren't you?

Cloud: This isn't funny!

Red: Um, I think there's a pattern here.....

Cloud: What?

Red: I think what is happening is that for some reason every single girl you talk to today will fall in love with you.....

Cloud: Hey! You're right! I did talk to all of them!

Red: So don't talk to anymore girls until we figure out what's wrong.

( suddenly a big bang is heard as Jenova crash into the bar and made a big hole on the wall. Sephiroth follows her. )

Cait: What the hell?

Jenova: Behold! I am Jenova:Regenerated and I will kill all of you!

Cloud: Oh yeah? We'll see about that!

Jenova: Such a sweet boy! I will spare your life if you come with me and be my love slave...

Sephiroth: Mother?

Cloud: Oh crap...

Cait: Didn't we told you not to talk to any women?!?

Cloud: I didn't know that applies for outer space aliens as well!

Jenova: Come here, my love.

( Aeris, Tifa, Yuffie, Elena, Scarlet and Shera comes in )

Tifa: There's Cloud!

Cloud: S&^% !!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( runs away )

All the girls & Jenova: Come back! ( runs after him, destroying the whole bar on the way )

Sephiroth: I used to be mama's boy, but now Cloud has took away my mom's attention! I'll kill you, Cloud! ( takes out Masamume amd runs after Cloud )

Cait: ( looks at all the holes and fallen furnitures in the bar as a big anime sweat drop falls onto his and Red's head) Man, I wouldn't want to be in Cloud's shoes right now.

( Vincent comes down the stairs )

Vincent: Who is making all that noise? I'm trying to sleep! ( looks at the bar ) What the? What happened?

Cait: Long story. It seems that for some reason all the girls that Cloud talks to today has fallen in love with him, so they're all chasing after him. And when a bunch of crazy girls are joint together to chase a guy you know how much destruction they could cause, right?

Vincent: Yeah, you can tell from this bar. Where's Shera? I want a cup of coffee.

Red: Shera? She's in love with Cloud too.

Vincent: What? Cid is going to be steamed! Hey, who made that big hole on the wall?

Cait: Jenova:Regenerated.

Vincent: Jenova's back?!?!

Red: Yeah, she's in love with Cloud too.

Vincent: Wow, this IS pretty f^%$ed up right here.

Cloud: ( panting ) Finally, I lost all of them!

( Tseng in a distance aimmed a sniper rifle at him. Just when he pulled the trigger Cloud bent down to pick up a gil. The bullet miss him and hits a wall )

Tseng: Dammit!

Cloud: ( looks at the hole in the wall ) What the? ( a bolt of electricity shot at Cloud. Cloud jumps back ans sees Rude holding a nightstick ) Rude! What the hell do you want?

Rude: Tifa, that's what I want.

( Cid jumps in and swing the Venus Gospel at Cloud. Cloud dodged the attack )

Cid: And I want my f*&^in' tea!

Cloud: Cid! I- ( Barret fires the Missing Score at him. Cloud jumps away in time ) Barret! Not you too!

Barret: You hurt my little girl's feelings!

( Dark Nation comes in and jumps at Cloud. Cloud dodged as Rufus comes in )

Rufus: ( takes out his shotgun ) You *are* going to take Scarlet away, Cloud!

Cloud: S*&% !!!! First a bunch of lovesick girls and now a bunch of angry guys! ( runs away and crash into Godo ) Godo? What are you doing here?

Godo: I'm here because you hurt my Yuffie!

Cloud: What?

Godo: You know what you did last night! You took advantage of Yuffie! Now you either marry her or I'll tear you apart from bone to bone! ( morphs into the 3-headed monster thing )

Cloud: Um, there must be some mistake! I never did anything to Yuffie! ( backs up, then he sees Sephiroth descending from the sky holding the Masamume. Cloud jumps away before the Masamume hits him ) Sephiroth! Not you too!

Sephiroth: I want my mama's attention back! Only your death can bring that back to me!

( the guys surrounded him and slowly advanced towards him )

Rufus: There's no escape, Cloud.

Cloud: Oh yeah? Vanish! ( cast Vanish on himself ans disappears )

Cid: Hey! They took that f^%$in' spell off from Final Fantasy VII!!!

Cloud: Yeah well, I learned it from Seph's brother Setzer, who is in Final Fantasy VI!

Sephiroth: You sneaky little b&^%$%^ !!!!! DeSpell!!!!

( Cloud became visible but he already escaped from the circle of guys and runs away. )

All the guys: Cloud! ( runs after him. Cloud runs into an alley and saw the mob of girls coming towards him ) S&^% !!!! I'm trapped again!

All the girls: Cloud!!!!!

Cloud: ( hopelessly looks at the girls, then looks at the guys ) EVERYONE! PLEASE STOP FOR A MOMENT AND LET ME EXPLAIN EVERYTHING!! ( everyone stops and becomes silent. Cloud started to say something when Tseng shot at him with his rifle. Cloud dodged the bullet. ) Hey!

Tseng: The Turks' rule of thumb is: Shoot first, don't even bother to ask a question later.

( the guys and the girls advanced towards Cloud. Just then, Chaos flew in and stood next to Cloud and morphs back to Vincent. )

Vincent: People, people! Um, and alien as well. There's only one person that can solve something this bizzare!

Jerry: Okay, we're back! We were just talking to Cloud here, who has six women, a young girl and an alien in love with him. Is that right, Cloud?

Cloud: Yes.

Jerry: Let's bring the women and the alien in, shall we? Here's Aeris, Tifa, Yuffie, Elena, Scarlet, Shera and Jenova!

( the girls minus Marlene enter and all went for Cloud )

Tifa: Cloud! I love you!

Aeris: Hey, get your hands off him, you silicon b*^&%!

Scarlet: Cloud's mine!

Elena: He's mine!

( all the girls + Jenova starts fighting and throwing chairs at each other. Jerry runs to the other side of the studio for safety )

Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

( the security guards came in to break the fight. One of them wrapped his arms around Tifa's chest. )

Tifa: Hey, get off me! ( does a Dolphin Blow. Security guard dies )

Jerry: Oh crap...cut to the commercial!

Jerry: Okay, we're back. Cloud, I also understand that a lot of guys are mad at you.

Cloud: Yeah, they're all trying to kill me.

Audience: Ooooooooooooooooooooooo! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Jerry: Let's bring them in! Don't worry Cloud, they don't have their weapons with them. Here's Rude, Godo, Tseng, Rufus, Cid, Barret and Sephiroth!

( the guys comes in, Barret brings Marlene in as well )

Cid: You son of a b*&^$ !!!!!

Sephiroth: The b&^#%#@ must die! ( the guys jumps at Cloud. )

Aeris: Hey! Don't hurt him, guys!

( security guards came in to break the fight. After a few minutes the guys finally settled down )

Jerry: Okay. Why are all of you mad at Cloud?

Barret: My little Marlene is only 10, and he hurt her feelings! He deserve to die!

Cid: Because of him, I don't get my f&^$in' tea!

Rufus: He refuse to take Scarlet away from me!

Rude: He always gets the chicks!

Sephiroth: Because of him, mama don't pay attention to me anymore!

Tseng: He took away the person I love. Twice!

Godo: He took advantage of my daughter and ditched her!

Cloud: What are you talking about?? I didn't do anything to Yuffie!

Godo: Yuffie told me you......and her....did the you-know-what yesterday!

( Yuffie pretends to cry )

Audience: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Cloud: Did what?

Godo: You know! .....Sex!

Audience: Ooooooo! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Aeris: Cloud???? Is this true????

Cloud: No!

Yuffie: You just don't want to take the responsibility do you?

Cloud: Yuffie, stop lying!

Tifa: Hey wait a minute! You weren't even in 7th Heaven last night! You were out in Kalm! You told me that!

Aeris: Which mean you lied! You little sneaky liar!

( the girls jumps at Yuffie. Security guard breaks them up )

Cloud: Man, this is so f&%#in' embarassing...

Jerry: Cloud, which one of these ladies do you love?

Cloud: I don't love any of them!

All the girls: What?? ( starts crying. The studio became flooded as tears built up to a knee-high level. )

Cid: B*&$^@* !!!! ( all guys jumps at Cloud )

Cloud: Oh, that's it! Omnislash! ( attacks all the guys, making them all fall backwards. ) Listen to me! For some reason all the girls I talk to today has fallen in love with me! If we can solve this problem then everything will go back to normal!

Jerry: And do you know why is this happening?

( Cait Sith, Red and Vincent dragging Don comes in )

Vincent: ( holds up an empty bottle ) Because of this!

Cloud: What's that?

Vincent: This pervert here ( throws Don to the ground ) got this potion from somewhere. When a man drink it, all the girls he talks to will fall in love with him. He poured the potion into a glass of water, which Cloud accidentally drank.

Cloud: So you caused all this? You son of a b*%&$ !!!!! Finishing Touch! ( blows Don away with his sword. )

Audience: Yeah! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Vincent: ( takes out a larger bottle with a purple liquid along with some paper cups and whisper to Cloud. ) This is the remedy. When you and all the girls drink it, the spell will be gone.

Cloud: Really? Hey girls!

All the girls: Yes, Cloud?

Cloud: Let's have a drinking contest! Whoever finishes a cup of this...juice first, will win a date with me!

All the girls: OKAY!

( Vincent and Cloud hands each one of them a cup of the remedy )

Cloud: Ready? Go! ( all of them and Cloud drink it down. )

Elema: How strange! One second ago I have this love for Cloud, and now it's gone!

Shera: Yeah, me too! What happened to us?

Jerry: You were all under a spell which made you fall in love with Cloud.

Scarlet: Cloud? Yuck......oh Ruffy baby! ( runs to Rufus )

Rufus: Ah s*^$ !!!! I have enough of you! Tseng, dispose of her!

Tseng: I'd never thought you would ask. ( Rude throws him a rifle, Tseng shot Scarlet in the head. )

Cid: Alright! The b^&%$ is dead!

Audience: Yeah! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Jerry: So do you guys still wants to kill Cloud?

Barret: Nah, Marlene's okay now. ( leaves with Marlene )

Cid: Shera! The f*^$in' tea! I need it..now!!!!

Shera: I-I'm sorry. I'll make a cup for you right away! ( leaves with Cid following her, yelling 'Hurry up!!!" )

Jenova: Sephiroth, my boy! Let's return to the crater.

Sephiroth: Yes, mother! ( leaves with Jenova )

Rude: Tifa, will you come with me?

Tifa: For the last time, Rude, no!

( Rude lowers his head and depressingly walk away )

Elena: Tseng?

Tseng: What?

Elena: You went through all those trouble to kill Cloud for me? Does this mean you love me?

Tseng: Well........

Elena: Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you?

Tseng: YES!!!!! I do, okay? Now can we go home?

Elena: ( hugs Tseng ) Yes! ( both of them leaves )

Godo: Yuffie, how dare you lie to me!

Yuffie: B-b-b-but.......um, bye! ( runs away )

Godo: Come back! ( runs after her )

Rufus: Man, I can finally have some peace...( leaves )

Vincent: Well, Cloud, looks like all your problems are solved.

Cloud: Yeah I gue-

Aeris: Cloud's mine!

Tifa: No, he's mine! ( began fighting with Aeris )

Cait: Catfight! Catfight!

Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Cloud: Or maybe not...

Jerry: I'll be back with the final thoughts.

Jerry: And now, for my final thoughts. I like to thank all of the people that came today to the show. Love potions and spells should not be toy around with, because they usually cause disasters instead of doing you any good. Having a large number of people in love with you is not a good thing either, since jealously will usually result and cause a lot of violence-

Aeris: You silicon maniac! Leave my Cloud alone!

Tifa: B&$^& !!!!

Jerry: So please, next time, take care of yourself, and each other.

( Audience cheers as the Jerry theme comes on, Tifa and Aeris still fighting on stage )

There's Something About Cloud © 1999 by Lilith Morrigan aka Midnite Angel Aeris