It was four years ago when I've last touched you. Yeah, it's been that long. I can still remember that time when I last held you in my arms, both of us snuggling under the covers for warmth in your single bed. That night before, you pulled me to your room and we made such sweet love that it pains me thinking about it. So I won't. Think about it.

Hanamichi and I sleep in a queen-sized bed. It's not because that his and my relationship is more serious than ours, it's just that we were tired of fighting for the blanket and space whenever we want to drop off to sleep after one of those - er, activities. You didn't fight with me, did you Kaede, because I remember you just passing out on bed. Heh-heh, was I that good or was it your habit? Oh wait, yeah, that was your habit...

However, it came as a surprise though, that when Hanamichi and I got the bigger bed I would find him cuddled up next to me everytime I wake up in the morning, his side of the mattress devoid of his body warmth. That's what reminded me of you. You were such a cuddler, although it was more hazardous whenever I was with you.

A lot of things in him reminds me of you actually. Yeah, yeah, I can just imagine you rolling your eyes at me but it's true. He's a basketball player, just like you were. He's strong-willed, just like you were. He's brave, just like you were. He's a fighter, just like you were. And most of all he makes me feel, just like you used to.

I wouldn't have thought that by looking at him he would be similiar to you. I mean, he's easily provoked, he's naive, he's arrogant, he's loud and, of course, who could miss that red hair? So what, you say, is so similiar?
I've met a junior whose name is Yuuchiro, at college, who looked like you (except that his hair was brushed back) and acted like you, all silent and distant. But something was missing. Sure, I was attracted the first time I met him but I soon I realised that he wasn't what I needed. I didn't know if he was straight or not because I pulled back before I could ask. I was wondering what it was that the kid lacked when I met Hanamichi.

He was the same when we were at highschool and we had a few drinks while we talked. We kept meeting about twice a week after I had my practice but soon we were meeting everyday. He is still as funny and carefree as he used to but I could see that experience in life has taught somethings to him by the way he talked and acted. More wise and reserved but still managed to retain that charm and a measure of impulsiveness that attracted me to him when he was just a 15 year old boy.

By the end of the month, I found out what it was that Yuuchiro lacked. He didn't give me butterflies in my stomach. He didn't have me anticipating for the time when I would next see him. He didn't make me feel as if I wanted to be with him everytime of everyday and everynight. He didn't make me feel that I all I wanted to do was to hold him and never let go.
In short, what he lacked was the ability to make me fall in love.

And I am so madly in love with Sakuragi Hanamichi. I love him so much that if I lose him like I lost you I know that this time I would not be able to recover. I pray for him to not be in any situation where he would have to go on a plane but if that happens then he has to expect me to come along because if anything bad occurs, at least we'll be together.

As I said so earlier, you two are similiar in some sense. Both of you enjoy life.
Deny all you want but you did. He definitely does. He wants to be with everything under the sun whereas you were content to receive anything that life could offer you with what you could give in return.

When I got to know him I was surprised that he and you were not able to become close friends. I have an inkling of an idea that the strain between you two was caused by a girl that Hanamichi used to like. I wonder that if that girl wasn't the cause for the hate, would you two be bestfriends, or lovers?
Somehow, that last thought makes me insanely jealous. To imagine him touching your beautiful face or you running your fingers through his soft red hair annoys me. You are my Kaede and Hanamichi is my Hanamichi. Unreasonable? I guess, but I can't help thinking that if you two were to fall in love before you met me, I fear that I would be nothing to either of you. You would realise that beneath that do'aho facade, lies a man whose kisses could make you go breathless and he in turn would see that your touches aren't as cold as he thought but actually sears the body and soul. It is kind of sad that both of you never got to know that about each other but it would more of a tragedy if I was left out. Selfish? Yes, I am.
You complete me. Hanamichi completes me.

I loved you and I always will. For all the pain of losing you, I never regret to have met you, itoshii, and now, I've found another great love of my life. Whatever small hope of living after you were gone, he revived it with his existence. He makes me happy.

I am content again.

+Owari+

He wants to be, he wants to be, with everything under the sun
He wants to be, he wants to be, with everything under the sun
And like a legend that rises and then falls I cannot be his only one

He makes me feel, he makes me feel, like you used to, like he used to
He makes me feel, he makes me feel, like you used to, like he used to

~Nelly Furtado (Legend)