In the very beginning Rukawa Kaede didn't have five hundered hats. He had only one hat. It was an old one that belonged to his father and his father's father before him. It was probably the plainest hat in all of the kingdom of Shohoku where Rukawa lives but he likes it because he says it keeps the sun away from his eyes. Truthfully he thought it looked neat because of the feather that sticks to the air but because he is not one to show that he cares for vanity, he just told people about that nonsense about the sun.

The Kingdom of Shohoku was ruled by King Akagi Takenori. His palace stood high on the top of the mountain whereas Rukawa's hut stood far off in the fields on the edge of the town.

One day just after sunrise, Rukawa started for town to bully that boy from Ryonan for a 1-on-1 basketball game. The boy, Sendoh, usually hangs out with his buddy Koshino at the ramen stall in town and there is where Rukawa expects to find him. Nearing the town gates, there suddenly came the sound of blaring trumpets in the air and clattering hooves on the cobblestoned street. All the people edged to the sidewalks and carts were wheeled right over the curbstone to make way for the king's carriage which was escorted by fifty trumpeters on white-and-red-robed horses and in front of the carriage were the king's guards on red-and-black-robed horses.

"Hats off to the king! Hats off to the king!" shouted the guards as they passed. Rukawa did as was ordered and bowed down like everyone. Suddenly the carriage came to a sudden halt and Rukawa looked up to see that the king procession has stopped right in front of him.

The curtains to the carriage flew open and the face which appeared was none other than the face of King Akagi Takenori.

"Well...?" the king's low voice rumbled.

Rukawa looked at him listlessly not understanding.

"Well?!!" the king repeated angrily, "Do you or do you not take your hat off in front of the king?!"

"It is off," Rukawa stated holding out his hat for the king to see.

"Really? Then what is that on your head?" demanded the king.

Rukawa blinked and reached up and to his surprise his hand encountered another hat on his head. The fox-eyed boy took it down and saw that it was an exact replica to his own hat.

Then the king spoke again, "Are you trying my patience?"

"........" Rukawa looked at him questioningly.

"You haven't taken your hat off!!" yelled king Akagi.

"I just did," said Rukawa.

"Are you a jester or do you think I'm blind to see that hat on your head?!"

Rukawa reached up again and true enough another hat was perched on his head similiar to his hat and that other hat he just took off.

"Take off your hat this instant or I'm going to arrest you for impudence," warned the king.

Rukawa sighed and pulled down the hat to find out that another hat was on his head. This made the king shake with rage.

"Arrest this trickster!" commanded the king to his guards, "Bring him to the castle so We might teach him to take off his hat!"

The Royal Coachman cracked his long whip and the king's carriage sped off towards the castle as Rukawa was pulled up to sit behind the Captain's back to follow the king. The Captain's horse galloped fast out of the narrow town streets and up the hill while Rukawa clung on, itching to cuff the Captain's head but his attention was caught by a peculiar sight. As they rode the wind whipped the hat from his head before another similiar looking hat replaces the one which fell off. Then that hat also flew off and another hat replaced it and then another... and another....

...4, 5, 6, 7... Rukawa kept counting while the lords and ladies stared from their windows of their houses wondering what the strange stream of hats could mean.

Reaching the castle Rukawa was dragged to the throne room where the king waited for him with his advisor, Sir Kogure and other Lords and noblemen.

"I give you one last chance," spoke king Akagi, "to take off that hat for your king."

"It won't do any good," Rukawa told him coldly. The boy took off the hat and another hat stood on his head. He took that off and then another and another and before long there was a pile of hats on the floor in front of him with the same feather which sticks up on the air.

Those in the throne room gasped in astonishment. They have never seen anything like this before and neither has Rukawa but the stone-faced boy was more composed than they were in this peculiar event.

"Heavens!" exclaimed Sir Kogure, blinking behind his spectacles, "He's taken off 44!"

"And there were four more down in town," the king told him.

"And there were 87 which flew off on the way here," Rukawa informed them tonelessly.

"One hundred and thirty five hats!" gasped Sir Kogure looking at the hats in amazement.

The king growled, "Come, come Sir Kogure. What makes you of this nonsense?"

"A very serious nonsense, your highness," answered the advisor, "I advise you to call on the expert of hats."

"Good," agreed the king before he ordered the guards, "Fetch me Madam Ayako, the maker of hats for all noblepeople!"

A few minutes later a young woman with curly hair entered the throne room and the king said to her, "Take a look at the boy's hat."

Madam Ayako took one look at the hat on the tall boy's head and sniffed in disdain, "So? I've made hats of gold cloth, gems and beautiful feathers and this is the simplest hat I've ever seen."

Akagi smiled, "So it'll be simple for you to take it off then."

"Simple indeed," she mumbled taking out a paper fan from her purse and whacked the hat off but to her surprise another hat appeared on Rukawa's head. She did it again and again before she grudgingly admitted defeat by the simplest looking hat she's ever seen.

The king was very disturbed, "If that is the case then this is no ordinary hat."

"One hundred and forty three hats," said Sir Kogure wrinkling his forehead, "Sire, why don't you call in the Wise men?"

"An excellent idea!" said King Akagi, "Guards fetch me Doumoto! He knows about everything in my kingdom."

In came a middle aged looking man with a moustache and the king told him about the hats.
"Can you find a way to take off his hat?" asked the king. Doumoto took one look at Rukawa and at the pile of hats and shook his head.

King Akagi sighed, "Then fetch me Kitano, the father of Doumoto! He knows about everything in my kingdom and in all the world beyond."

In came an old man with a pleasant face and the king told him about the hats. The father of Duomoto, Kitano, took a look at the hats and then at Rukawa before scratching his moustache and shook his head.

"Then bring me the father of Kitano, Anzai! He knows of everything in my kingdom, in all the world beyond and in all other worlds that may happen to be," said the king, getting frustrated.

In came a fat old man with whiter hair and a whiter moutache and when king Akagi told him of that hats, the wise man just scratched his moustache before laughing at the amusing problem, "Ho ho ho..."

King Akagi and Kogure and the rest of the people in the throne room sweatdropped.

Then two people entered the throne-room. One was a tall boy with striking red hair and the other was a young girl with brown hair who instantly took a liking towards Rukawa at first sight. The redhead, jealous at the admiring looks the girl was giving towards the dark-haired boy, asked the poeple present in a brash manner, "What's so funny?"

Sir Kogure tried to get the redhead to show respect in front of the fuming king but the person just headed towards the father of the father of Duomoto, Anzai, to start patting at the fat man on his chin and ask, "Hey, old man! What's so funny?"

King Akagi yelled at the redhead, who was his cousin and also the Grand Duke, Sakuragi Hanamichi, "Sakuragi! Behave yourself! This is no time to fool around! We've got a big problem here!"

Hanamichi stopped patting the wise man's chin and asked the king, "So what's the problem? I bet the tensai can solve it easily!"

The king doubted it much but since it won't hurt in trying he told the redhead of the problem before waving his hand in a careless manner to give permission for Hanamichi to do whatever he wants to do.

"Follow me, kitsune," ordered Hanamichi arrogantly.
Ignoring the gazes the brown-haired girl was giving him, Rukawa looked at Hanamichi with interest before he went to follow the redhead without a word.

Upon reaching a room, Hanamichi said, "This is my room. Now get ready."
He then turned his back on Rukawa and swore silently, You dare to try and steal Princess Haruko's heart! I'm gonna show you who's the tensai here!

Suddenly he felt a pair of hands clasp his waist and before he could utter another word he was turned around to face the dark-haired boy.

"W-what do you think you're doing?" the redhead demanded.

"What we should be doing when a person invites a boy to his room," said Rukawa leaning closer towards him.

Hanamichi eeped and slapped Rukawa's hand away as he cried out, "I just want to shoot that hat of yours off your head!"

Rukawa arched an eyebrow and looked down. Sure enough the redhead was clutching at a bow and arrow in his hands.

"N-now stand back there," ordered Hanamichi getting his wits back and pushing Rukawa at an arm's length. Rukawa sighed and obliged to stand still as the redhead got ready to take aim.

Zzzz- went the arrow and it grazed Rukawa's forehead to nip off the hat but another one, of course, appeared on the fox-eyed boy's head.

Hanamichi launched another arrow - Zzzzzz-

....and another - Zzzzz-

....and another till a bagful of arrows was gone.

"K'so!" cursed the Grand Duke, "get me more arrows!!"

Suddenly there came a knock on the door and Hanamichi barked, "What is it?!"

Sir Kogure popped in his head and looked at the pile of hats on the floor. The king's advisor asked, "And how many did you shoot off of his head?"

"Huh? Dunno..."

"Twelve," Rukawa supplied boredly.

Sir Kogure counted, "One hundred and fifty-five hats. I think we should tell the king about this and await his further orders."

Hanamichi protested, "No way! Then he'll say that I have failed!"

"You have failed, do'aho," Rukawa told him before following the king's advisor out of the door.

"How dare you!! Come back here, kitsune!" yelled Hanamichi running after Rukawa.

Before the redhead could managed to reach Rukawa, the three were already standing in the throne room with the king looking non too pleased.

"Hmph.. if this monkey's bow and arrow couldn't topple off that blasted hat then get the royal bowman, Miyagi Ryota!" said King Akagi.

As the redhead's cried of protest at being called a monkey, the door to the throne room opened and in walked the royal bowman. He was a short fellow with a pierced ear and held himself in an attitude that says 'don't mess with me'. As the young man passed Hanamichi he whispered, "Just leave the power of the bow and arrow to the pro, Sakuragi, and you just continue playing with your swords."

Before the redhead could counteract to the bowman's taunt the king's voice boomed out, "Miyagi! I order you to shoot that hat off of the boy's head."

"No problem, your majesty," said Miyagi and took aim. His bow and arrow was more impressive than the one Hanamichi has and the sound that it made as the arrow was let go reverberated in the hall.

Grrrr-zzipp!

...another hat appeared on Rukawa's head...

Grrr-zzapp!

...and another...

Grrr-zzopp!

...and another...

Unlike Hanamichi, Miyagi knew when to stop before he wastes the rest his fine arrows. Ignoring Hanamichi's snickers he bowed to the king, "I'm sorry your majesty, but I don't deal with black magic."

King Akagi's eyes widened, "Of course! It must be black magic! Call in the seven magicians!"

Then in came three girls and four boys wearing long cloaks and wearing pointy hats and each has a lean black cat beside them. The girls upon seeing Rukawa suddenly became entranced, staring at the fox-eyed boy in adoration and the four boys upon seeing Hanamichi laughed at him after they heard of the redhead's failure in taking off the stranger's hat.

"Ahaha! What's the matter Hanamichi? One hat is too much for ya?" laughed the four boys.

"Yaro!" Hanamichi yelled at them.

"Quiet!" roared king Akagi. The throne room became silent and the king asked in his deep voice, "Magicians, call upon your magic to rid us of this hat from the boy's head!"

"That's easy sire," the three girl's said in unision, "Now stand back."

Suddenly the girls threw open their cloak and under them, they were wearing sleeveless blouse with short miniskirt, the attire in pink and white.
The chant that came out of their mouth made the people in the throne room (except Rukawa who always manages to be emotionless) keel over onto the floor in surprise,

"R-U-K-A-W-A K-A-E-D-E! R-U-K-A-W-A K-A-E-D-E! R-U-K-A-W-A K-A-E-D-E!"

While the three girls chanted the four boys started blowing party trumpets and throwing confetti around Rukawa while they clapped their hands and danced. Hanamichi laughed at the magicians' antics till his stomach hurt while Princess Haruko blushed when she saw how indecent the girls' skirt would ride up their thighs.

After they finished king Akagi asked hesitantly, "Err... so what will happen next? The hat is still on his head."

"Oh," the magician with blonde hair said, "It will come off in 50 years or so."

"Fifty years?!!" yelled the king, "I can't wait that long!!"

Then Hanamichi went towards the king and whispered, "Y'know, if I were king I'd just chop off his head."

The king's face turned grave, "You aren't but it is true. Not taking a hat off in front a king is against the law of this kingdom and therefore he must be executed..."

The king sighed and said regretfully to the fox-eyed boy who was petting the magicians' cats, "Rukawa Kaede, I sentence you to death for not abiding by the Shohoku law. Now you will be escorted to the dungeon to take your execution."

Before Rukawa could protest he was hauled down the dungeon by two guards and soon he was standing in front of the executioner who has a small scar on his chin and a big axe on his hand.

"Hi, kid," greeted the executioner whose name is Mitsui, "So what did you do?"

"The hat refuses to leave my head in front of the king," said Rukawa.

The executioner's eyebrows rose, "Really? Never heard anybody being sent here because of that before. Well, anyway, for your head to be chopped off the law requires that the person to be executed not wear anything on his head."

Rukawa looked at the executioner as if the scarred-chin boy was stupid. He told the executioner, "The hat will not come off."

"Of course it can," said the other boy with the axe.
"See," he said as he flipped his finger to topple the hat off Rukawa's head.

"See," said Rukawa pointing to another hat which appeared on his head when the hat that Mitsui flicked fell off.

Mitsui furrowed his brows and flipped the hat off again and again until there was yet another pile of hats in front of Rukawa.

"Hell!" cursed Mitsui, "I can't execute you when you're wearing a hat! It's against the rules! Go back up there and tell the king that."
Then he pulled Rukawa beside him, "And while you're up there, ask Sir Kogure if he is free for dinner tonight."

Rukawa didn't comment about the request but merely nodded his head. The guards who escorted Rukawa were surprised to find him still with a head and a hat so they were curious and tried to take off the hats themselves. After a while they also admit defeat before they brought Rukawa back to the king. The king upon seeing the boy still alive with the hat still on his head groaned in exasperation.

"What happened now?" asked king Akagi.

"The executioner said that my head can't come off with the hat on. It's against the rules..."

"So it is," sighed the king wearily.

"...and he told me to ask if Sir Kogure is free for dinner tonight," continued Rukawa.

The king looked at his blushing advisor queerly while the others scratched their chins and 'hmmm'ed as they also looked at the spectacled youth with question in their eyes.

"Uh..." Sir Kogure muttered as he pushed his glasses up, "I'll send the answer to executioner Mitsui later."

"Personally I bet," teased one of the four male magicians making Sir Kogure sputter and blush harder.

Taking pity of his advisor's embarrassment, the king cut off the erupting laughter in the room and asked Rukawa, "So how many hats does that make?"

"The executioner took off 13 and there are 178 on the dungeon steps," informed Rukawa.

Kogure did a quick count, "That makes three hundred and forty nine."

Then Princess Haruko spoke up, "Please oniisan. Give him pardon. It's the hat's fault, not the young man."
Hanamichi of course did not miss the loving look Haruko threw at Rukawa or the thoughtful look the king has as he considered Haruko's request. In anger he pulled Rukawa and dragged him up the nearby steps of the castle tower.
"There's more than one way to skin a fox!" said the red-haired duke as they mounted the steps. Akagi, wrathful that the redheaded monkey has breached etiquette by taking a prisoner away without his royal consent, chased after the duo and Haruko, afraid her cousin might do something awful to the handsome stranger, rushed after them and Sir Kogure followed along because he was just plain worried about all of them. He, however was the only one who noticed the trail of hats that fell off of Rukawa's head guessing that they might have been shaken off by their run up the stairs.

"...448...449..." he counted puffing up the stairs. Suddenly, Sir Kogure stopped and took off his glasses to wipe of an imaginary smudge. When he placed them back on his nose he looked at the hats again. They have changed! Hat number 451 had not one feather but two and hat number 452 has three. Hat number 453 has three feather and a jewel!
Each new hat was fancier than the hat before it!

"Your majesty! Your majesty!" cried Sir Kogure but he was unheard because the king, Rukawa, Hanamichi and the princess had already reached the top of the highest turret.

At the top of the tower, the redhead pulled the other boy to step up on the wall with him and what they saw when the two boys stood up there was the most beautiful hat sitting on Rukawa's head. It had the biggest ruby than any the king had ever owned and instead of ordinary feathers, the ruby was adorned by the most colourful and finest plumes from ostrich, cockatoo, mockingbird and paradise birds.
Besides such a hat, even the king's crown seemed nothing.

Getting over his astonishment, Hanamichi grabbed the fox by the collar and said angrily, "That new hat of yours won't stop me from pounding you to a pulp, Rukawa! "

Princess Haruko cried out, "Sakuragi-kun! Don't you dare! If you lay a hand on him I'll never speak to you again!"

The redhead, shocked by her words, cried out in anguish, "Waaah!! Haruko doesn't like me any more!! It's better if I diiiiiie!!"
He got ready to jump off the tower but thankfully he was stopped by Rukawa when the dark-haired boy quickly pulled the redhead down from the wall and pushed him to safer grounds beside the king and his sister.
"Aho," muttered the fox-eyed boy to the redhead.

"Temme! How dare you call me that!" yelled the redhead clearly already over with his mourning to start throwing insults at the other boy. The fox-eyed boy threw them back, less vocally; however, with insulting words of his own.

"Shut up, Sakuragi," ordered the king as he bashed the boy's head. Passing the wincing redhead, the king approached Rukawa and said, "I would be most pleased if you could sell your wonderful hat to me."

At that moment Sir Kogure's tired voice was heard coming up the stairs, "...489...499...," and when he saw the hat on Rukawa's head, he exclaimed, "...500!"

"500!" said the king, "For 500 pieces of gold and a pardon let me have all of your hats!"

To their surprise, Rukawa shook his head, "No."

"What? Why?" asked the king in puzzlement.

"I want the 500 pieces of gold, the pardon, a big house with a basketball court at the back and..."

"...and..?" prompted the king.

"To marry into the royal family," finished Rukawa.

Haruko beamed, Hanamichi started yelling again, Sir Kogure smiled and king Akagi pushed his crown back to scratch his head.
"I guess that's ok," agreed the king, "Alright, I'll order for the gold to be taken out of the treasury, the house and the court to be built, the pardon to be issued and the marriage with princess Haruko to be prepared."

"No," intoned the dark-haired boy puzzling them again, "The marriage is to be with the Grand Duke and the cousin of the king, Sakuragi Hanamichi."

The king, the princess and the advisor gaped while the Grand Duke choked, "NANI?!!"

Rukawa sighed at their gold-fish expression and pulled Hanamichi towards him, "I said I will be marrying Sakuragi Hanamichi."

"No way!" protested the redhead pushing at Rukawa, "I don't wanna marry you! I hate you!"

The king turned to Hanamichi said, "You will marry Rukawa Kaede, Sakuragi. Who knows, he might be able to tame your wild attitude and we might be able to get some peace here at last."

Rukawa nodded and reached up to take his hat. They held their breath and to their surprise and relief, Rukawa's head stayed bare when the hat was lifted off.

"Look your majesty!" said Sir Kogure pointing at Rukawa's hatless head.

"No, look at me!" said the king proudly putting on the hat and they must say he looked more regal than he ever could with his crown.

So in the end, Rukawa got to marry Hanamichi in a festive occassion where the three female magicians weeped for despair and the four male magicians laughed till they cried. Haruko was heartbroken but she soon got over it and married the king's captain of guards, Aota, and Kogure did have that dinner (and many more) with the executioner, Mitsui.

Rukawa didn't try to 'tame' Hanamichi's behaviour as king Akagi had hoped but instead he gave the king more headache by joining the redhead in fights with other people or with each other.

As for the hats, they were kept in glass cases in the royal museum and if someone were to ask what actually happened, neither the king nor Rukawa or anyone else in the Shohoku kingdom could explain but to say, 'it just happened to happen' and was not very likely to happen again.

~The End~

Note: This fic is a parody of Dr. Seuss's 'The 500 Hats of Barthelomew Cubbins'. Y'know for me, reading Dr. Seuss's poems always makes my head spin when I was a kid and I've never wanted to read another one since. Maybe its because of trying to remember the made-up words of the made-up usually ganggly animals that was in the poems but this story is thankfully very easy to follow ^^